hell no please don't

  • Random person: well this medication you're taking is just treating the SYMPTOMS of your disease, it's not actually helping you
  • Me, internally screaming: I have a CHRONIC illness. THERE IS NO CURE. I will take what I can get.
Cup Magic Bonanza ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

So, somehow the Stanley Cup gets damaged/cracked or whatever, goes missing, and a Pandora’s Box of weird spills over the league. 

The Aces can’t stop breaking into song. The Schooners have swapped bodies with the Kings. No two Bruins players can be more than three meters apart. Every Panther is now sporting Jagr’s mullet from the 90s, but Jagr himself is bald. The Hurricanes just disappeared mid-game. All of them. Poof.

Enter ‘The Council’ - the retired players and part-time guardians of the Cup. Which up until this point was just a group of Hall of Famers Bob saw twice a year for drinks but is a really serious thing he apparently is now in charge of.

With their former chairman a farm animal, Bob is tasked with restoring order to the League – which would be great if anyone knew anything about what the hell is happening – and calls upon the only unaffected hockey players he can trust to find the cup: his son’s boyfriend and the bros of the Samwell Men’s Hockey team.

Featuring: 

  • Rough and tumble Eric Bittle in eye-black and figure skates
  • A de-aged, seven-year-old Jack Zimmermann that’s super shy and only speaks French 
  • Chowder single-handedly saving the San Jose Sharks from actual sharks
  • Ransom and Holster getting married after being sucked into an Aces musical number
  • Alexei Mashkov as ‘The Bear’
  • ‘The Stick of Destiny’
  • The soothing sounds of Kent Parson and his Las Vegas Aces
  • Wayne Gretzky as an actual goat
He just DOESN'T REMEMBER
  • Viktor: *Yuuri is eros, I've never seen anyone more eros than him since that one night at the banquet, there is no other way to describe him but an erotic man with such passion there is no doubt about it he's the epitome of erotic love*
  • Viktor: Yuuri, what is your eros???
  • Yuuri: a pork cutlet bowl
  • Viktor: for fucks sa-
Bad Pun
  • Crowley: Hey Castiel.
  • Castiel: What is it now Crowley?
  • Crowley: What is it called when Sam gets a message?
  • Castiel: .....
  • Crowley: A mooseage!!!
  • Castiel: Dammit Crowley.
  • Crowley: *is so proud of himself*
If We Were A Movie | Jimin (M)

Originally posted by sonyeondan

Summary: Friends with benefits never worked in the movies, but you and Jimin had been friends for so long, it was bound to work for you. Until, of course, Jimin gets a girlfriend, and you fear you may lose your friendship with him for good.

Word Count: 14.2k (give my noveL A CHANCE)

Genre: smut/fluff/a touch of angst; fwb!Jimin

A/N: I really have no excuse for this. It’s just a ton of smutty filth with Park Jimin

You were already more than halfway to Jimin’s house by the time you sent a text to tell him you were on your way, but you knew full well he would already be there. You’d seen him leave practice a few minutes before you, and he hadn’t been with the rest of your friends, so when you got a quick response, you weren’t surprised that he was expecting you.

Entering through the back had become a pastime by now, even though his front door was just as easy for you to get to. It reminded you of the first few times you’d done this, when you’d worried about his parents catching you. But now, in the beginning of your last year of high school, Jimin had already moved out, and you only had to worry about his roommates.

Twisting your key through the lock, you drop your book bag and gym bag onto the floor in the kitchen near his, barely remembering to close the door before you were searching for him. He wasn’t difficult to find, though, considering it was a Friday afternoon and he’d just finished a three-hour practice, he was sitting on the couch, video game controller in hand as he played some combat game you couldn’t care less about. When he spots you walking through the doorway, he grins and tosses the controller onto the floor, leaning back against the couch.

“Hello, Y/N.”

“Hey.”

You don’t waste any time in climbing onto his lap, your legs on either side of his waist as you quickly yank off the battered t-shirt he was wearing. Jimin’s hands fall to your hips, and he hums as you run your hands along his toned skin. He was still a little sweaty from practice and you grimace, but it doesn’t stop you from letting your fingers touch all over his chest.

Keep reading

okay but tater is absolutely the biggest baby ever when it comes to scary movies. we’re talking even the slightest hint of a scary scene and tater just nopes the heck out of there. like, he still can’t watch the hunchback of notre dame all the way through.

but he is definitely not going to mention that to kent. especially since he knows that kent loves that he’s so big and strong and tater’s pretty sure that ‘screams like a little girl at cgi monsters’ does not fit that description.

except it’s a date weekend and kent’s put on his netflix list of 'quintessential american films that you need to watch tater, how have you not watched these you weirdo’ and then. gremlins comes on. and tater is excited!! gizmo is so cute!! but then the actual gremlins come along and look. tater is a Big and Strong hockey player. he is definitely not scared by evil reptilian dolls. no siree.

it takes kent approximately 2.3 seconds to notice. 'babe,’ he says slowly, 'are you scared?’

'no way,’ alexei 'no pokerface’ mashkov forces out. for a second all kent can do is stare at his giant, russian teddy bear of a boyfriend before he basically lifts tater onto his lap. 'how are you this cute??’ he grins with a face of brown curls. and while tater is pretty terrified he’s also?? all warm on the inside??? because this gorgeous, talented, loving man is His Boyfriend

(that night kent is woken up by tater shaking his arm and plaintively whispering, 'hey…can I be little spoon now?’ and kent just MELTS. tater doesn’t mind scary movies too much after that.)

Drarry fics II
  • Fanfiction-author: Mmh... I haven't written some good old smut in a while... let's just start with Harry pushing Draco angrily against the wall in a fight...
  • Draco: Potter, what are you doing?
  • Harry: I don't-
  • Fanfiction-author: ... and then Harry draws closer... and closer...
  • Draco: Ew, Potter! Get away from me.
  • Harry: I'm not... I don't know what's happening. She's making me do it!
  • Draco: *huffs* Then why do I feel like your wand is pushing up against my thigh... even though you're holding it in your hand???
  • Harry: It's clearly HER fault.
  • Fanfiction-author: *evil laughter* Wait for what I have prepared for you guys in the Room of Requirement... 😜🎁🎉🎊😈😉
  • Draco: What the hell? 😳
  • Harry: *panicking* Oh no. Please don't make me lose my virginity to him.
  • Draco: Hahaha, you're still a virgin, Potter?
  • Fanfiction-author: Why are YOU laughing?
  • Draco:
  • Fanfiction-author: Also, this is a bottom!draco-fic, so...
  • Draco: WHAT??
instagram

NO…HELL NO 😂😂

“Lonicera Paellax”

Ignis/Aranea (FFXV) | 3.2k words | I’ll tag it M but it doesn’t really deserve it

Authors Notes: Oh god, there wasn’t enough content for this ship so I made some??? Have 3,000 words of Ignis over-intellectualizing the entire universe, and Aranea being her generally sassy self. Pre-Altissia. Canon compliant where there’s actually canon to be had. Vague musings of Iggy’s backstory. Allusions to Aranea/Ravus. 


“So what is this plant we’re hunting for, again?”

Lonicera Paellax.”

“Great. Got anything more helpful than that, Ivory Tower?” Aranea’s voice was a taunting barb a few paces behind him as they picked their way through the beach rose and scrub pine of the Vannath sea-cliffs. “I’m not writing a dissertation. I’d just like to be able to spot the damn things before I’ve crushed them all to hell. These boots aren’t exactly ballet shoes, you know.”    

Ignis smirked. Of course he new that the scientific name was useless in their current context, but he liked the sound of the words… and maybe the sound of her frustration.

Keep reading

So does anyone remember Rex from Generator Rex? Every time I see him, I can only see the love child of Lance and Keith. Like look at these two:


and then him.

Like Rex even has the red jacket and gloves

please consider: rihanna as crowley and lupita as aziraphale 

this brought to you by the committee for the healthy perpetuation of good omens fancasts that don’t involve a) benedict cumberbatch and martin freeman, b) benedict cumberbatch and matt smith, c) martin freeman and matt smith, or d) all the above + arthur darvill 

hey y'all ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ

it’s one in the morning here but I’m still woke™™ enough to say that I’ll be making some important blog announcements soon so please stay tuned