hell i have lost my ability to everything

The First Day (Hana, TRR)

I’ve been thinking a lot about diversity and self-acceptance the last few days.  I love how open and welcoming this fandom is with regard to religion, race, sexuality, and gender-identity, among other things.  Seeing how we support one another made me think about writing this piece.  I’d like to dedicate my entry in Choices Creates 19 to everyone who has found themselves, who is still looking, or who hasn’t started yet.  You are loved, you are accepted, you are welcome!  Thanks for hosting @hollyashton and @pb-boeboe!

Summary: Hana has decided to throw off her family’s expectations and start finding out who she is and what she wants.

Rating: T, for language?

           So this is what the rest of your life feels like.

           Standing on the beach, Hana smiled and let the warm Cordonian air blow across her bare shoulders.  The sun disappeared below the horizon and in front of her, the sea turned the color of flames, creating a path way across the waves for her to chase the sun and disappear into what lay beyond.

           She should go back, she knew that.  But she couldn’t let today end, not yet.  Today had been the best day and the worst day of her life, and she wasn’t ready for it to be over.  Tomorrow, The Day After, would bring a new set of challenges that she wasn’t sure she was ready to face.  But so long as she stayed on that beach, the sand in between her toes and the fleeting feeling of the sun on her face, she could forget about what lay ahead.

           Her parents would be furious when they realized she wasn’t on the plane heading home.  They’d try calling her, but she’d thrown her phone into the sea hours ago.  They’d cancel her credit cards, but that was fine. She’d already gone to the bank before the coronation and withdrawn enough funds for her to survive months. They’d disown her, but she didn’t care. She was a new person today, and it was time she found the family who was going to accept her for her for who she was.

           Reaching up to take down her hair from the ridiculous style she’d put it in, she walked along the shore.  She didn’t mind when the foaming surf came up, soaking the hem of her dress or how the sand was sticking to the wet fabric.  She was done caring about appearances, done caring about what people thought of her, done caring about making others happy.

           She laughed as she spun around on the beach, her bare toes making strange, looping patterns in the wet sand.  Her laughter carried on the breeze, and for a moment, she hoped it the winds carried it all the way home for her parents to hear.  

           “What the hell are you laughing about?”

           Hana turned.  Olivia stood about twenty feet away from her, scowling and sneering.  Though surprised, Hana smiled and walked towards her, grabbing two handfuls of her dress as she made her way up the dune.  A season ago, a week ago, even a day ago, the very sight of Olivia would have made her quake.  But now, she was almost glad to see her.  She couldn’t wait to introduce the real Hana to everyone, and she couldn’t think of anyone better to meet first than the woman who had made her life hell.

           “I’m celebrating,” she shouted, smiling.

           “Celebrating what?” Olivia asked, hands on her hips.  “We los—I mean, you lost.  You’re leaving here empty handed.”

           Hana waved her hand dismissively as she stopped in front of Olivia.  “No, no… you have it all wrong.  I’m not leaving empty-handed… I’m leaving with everything I’ve always wanted.”

           Olivia raised one eyebrow took a step back.  “What are you talking about?”

           “The ability to stand up for myself…. The strength to take risks and find out what I want out of life.  The courage to admit to myself that I’m never going to be the princess my parents wanted me to be…. I’m going to be better.”

           “You’re insane,” Olivia laughed, tossing her head back.  “I always knew you were cra—“

           Her fist landed square on Olivia’s cheek, sending her spinning over her feet into the sand.  Standing over her, Hana smiled and shook her hand, wiggling her fingers.  “I found a lot of things on this trip, but I also lost my ability to put up with your, or anyone else’s bullshit, Olivia.”

           Olivia stared up at her, eyes wide as she cupped her face.  

           “I don’t think we’ve met,” Hana said, cocking her head to the side as she smiled.  “I’m Hana Konopasek, and I live my life on my own terms.  I will never allow you, or anyone else, make me forget that ever again.”

           Without another look at the woman at her feet, Hana looked up and walked away, a confident smile on her face, her tormentors behind her, and the world in front of her for the taking.