Rowan : back muscles that could literally slice through stone. you touch his back, oh no look at that i’ve been impaled (probably by aelin’s sword). those back muscles are a work of god, but he’s very self-conscious of them?? who knows why
Aedion : those back muscles have you seeing the holy light from heaven. takes off his shirt from the collar, wiggling out of it, causing back muscles to r i p p l e. catches the light just right. holy smokes, you need jesus. forgive me lord, for i have sinned. (but i do not care)
Dorian : totally not human back muscles. dazayum daddy you been working out tho? softer than the fae male’s back muscles, but dazayum he still got them. swimmer’s body. making all dem ladies swoon. mr. steal yo girl back muscles
Chaol : wears sweaters. heavy shirts. sweatshirts too. his back muscles must not be seen. someone caught him shirtless (Nesryn) and has not yet stopped talking about the small cute moles he has on his shoulder blades
Fenrys : someone call 9-1-1 you’ve been impaled by the sheer muscle. why does he wear shirts? he looks better without shirts. 1-800-got-dem-muscles. work of art. take a picture it’ll last longer
Connall : smol gay child. just like Fenrys, but doesn’t like to show them off. turtle-neck sweaters. muscles practically rip through shirt. “guys, we cant afford any more shirts!”
Gavriel : Uncle-Kitty-Cat to Daddy-Kitty-Cat real quick. you can try not to look, but you will fail. tanned goodness. scars litter his back but dayumm don’t he look good?
Lorcan : you’re too short. everyone is too short. you have to crane your neck to even see his back muscles. grab a stool, one night show only. but once you see them, you’ve seen the face of Hellas himself. 1-800-them-muscles-ripple. 1-800-elide-passed-out. call 9-1-1 again.
Vaughan : Connall’s #1 aesthetic. no one can see but Connie. “but babe it’s hot” “no babe, long sleeve, sorry not sorry” “i swear to gods”. back muscles save lives. you pray to them at night, for sweet dreams.
Cassian : its a sin. its a plain right sin for those back muscles to exist. swimmer’s body 3.0. had to skip 2.0. heavy build, muscles everywhere, back muscles send you straight to hell. lickable™ use his back muscles for clickbait on youtube. god bless their existence.
Azriel : smol baby be- OH MY GOD. takes off his shirt like twice a year. still somehow incredibly tanned. hates him scars™ everyone telling him he looks beautiful™ (everyone meaning gay!Rhys and gay!Cassian). blush somehow travels from his face to his back bc he is a smol bean. shadows even faint when azriel goes topless. “come on, guys” “you’re just so hot, let us touch you milord shadowsinger”
Lucien : he must be protected. look at him in his beanies and jeans and sweaters. oh god, elain totally dressed and undressed him today. hoLY COW™ that one time and one time only Lucien had to take his shirt off. probably a wound on his chest. everyone was too busy staring at his back muscles to try to heal him. “um hello?? ive been impaled??” “Us too, Luci, us too”
i just got my merch shirt in the mail (hilbert, if you must know) in the heather grey and just wanted to confirm for all and sundry that these shirts are nice
and i think the heather ones are made of a slightly different material than the other ones, but i’m a slut for heather shirts and so those are the only kind i get. in any case, it’s definitely really soft and comfortable and doesn’t feel like one of those stiff unisex shirts with the heavy-ass collar and unbelievably long sleeves for a t-shirt