heavy baggage

Nothing scares Tony more than the fact that when he looks at Peter, he sees a little too much of himself. 

Reckless. Eager to please. Willing to put himself on the line. All things that Tony is more than familiar with. Every time he puts on the suit, he’s reminded of this, of why he puts on the suit in the first place–to keep people safe, to try to make up for the people that he couldn’t keep safe. The headcount is far too high, too many people lost, too many he couldn’t save, too many lives that were ruined because he wasn’t stronger or didn’t get there fast enough. 

Peter is a kid. He doesn’t have this hanging over his head like Tony does, and Tony doesn’t want him to. 

“I was trying to be like you,” Peter says, in that desperate way people say things when they are just trying so, so hard to do the right thing. Tony’s heart clenches in his chest. 

“I wanted you to be better,” he says, and the words choke him. Be better than me, he thinks. You don’t want lead-heavy baggage dragging along behind you with every step. 

Peter is young, he wants to make something of himself. He wants to help. Tony is inordinately proud of him–more proud than is probably normal, why does he care so much about this kid?–but more than that, he’s scared for him. 

At the end of the day, Tony knows better than anyone that he can’t protect Peter from himself. 

On the complexity of words in our racialized and colonialized world, and my own liminality...

TW: Discussion of the term “g*psy,” which I know may be a triggering word to some of my American followers in particular. I’ve done my best to tag this. Let me know if I’ve left something out.

So I need to talk about this. I really don’t want to because I feel like I’m going to be attacked for doing so. But this is my life in a super literal way, and I am taking time to process all this, with my cultural background, and my personal history, and my non-belonginess, and all the other super heavy baggage I have, and my society has, with this word and this way of life.

I’ve seen the occasional post on here talking about the culture on Tumblr of sometimes oversimplifying their activism and not understanding the full breadth of certain issues, and I’m kicking myself for it even as I type, but… today I’d like to address the international complexity of the term “gypsy.” Specifically, its use in the UK.

(Oh god, what am I doing sticking my foot in this hornet’s nest…)

All I ask is that you really just read this before you rip my head off, yeah? Please. I need to talk about this.

That word does not mean the same thing here that it means in the US, where I come from.

In America, it’s a pretty negative word to a lot of people of any degree of social consciousness. In America, that word is associated almost exclusively with the Romani people, an extremely marginalized group of POC who’ve been subject to every type of violence in existence, up to and including genocide. It is almost always used as either a slur, or an ignorantly appropriative capitalist tool. They’re the only well-known group of nomadic people Americans are familiar with in relatively modern times (since most nomadic Natives were killed or had their seasonal routes cut off long ago), and naturally, it has therefore remained a very racialized term in America. As a general rule, all nomadic peoples known to Americans are POC who have suffered genocide, sometimes to the point of extinction.

It’s fucking heavy. And that is what my brain still emotionally understands, when I hear that word. I’ve felt, and feel, that ickiness listening to someone use that word carelessly, or as if it were a trendy aesthetic™. This post is hard to write, because I have to use it.

So, Americans, I get this. ‘K? Me too. And Brits, if you’ve ever wondered why this strikes such a chord with Americans, that’s why, and this might be some handy knowledge for you to have when traveling to the US: “gypsy” is not a nice word in the US, and “Traveller” isn’t a term most Americans will recognize. We don’t have any legislation protecting Traveller rights, the way you do (inadequate as they may be). If you want to refer to the Romani, use Romani. If you want to refer to Travellers as a diverse group, use “nomadic people.”

But now I live in the UK. In the UK, “gypsy” is a government-official term, and people refer to themselves and others by this term routinely. And most confusingly, to my American sensibilities, it has little to do with your ethnicity. Even ethnic gypsies are most frequently white British, in the UK (the UK has its own native nomadic populations, especially from Ireland and Scotland). But there are also non-ethnic gypsies. It’s a term that refers more to your mode of living than to your race.

My gypsy neighbors are Irish, English, and Romani. The Irish Travellers and Romani obviously have an ethnic history of nomadism. But the ethnically English do not. He’s a Traveller, legally speaking, and part of larger gypsy society. And here, that is legally and culturally legitimate. He isn’t considered an ethnic minority, the way ethnic Travellers are, but culturally has a home under both terms.

There are other slurs in the UK for Travellers, of course. And there are also people who talk about them in a racist way (*cough* Tories *cough*). If I were to draw a comparison to American linguistics, “gypsy” in the UK is much like “queer” in America. It is simultaneously a neutral and inclusive word, and a word which is often found in the mouth of bigots. It has a complex history that has both highs and lows.

I still prefer to use Traveller, because I’m American and “gypsy” leaves a weird taste in my mouth. But that only works in writing, where it is capitalized. In speech, that term could just as easily mean kids on a gap year, and it isn’t useful for specifying nomadic people. So in speech… the word everyone uses is “gypsy.” This word which gives me the willies is now a normal part of my life. It is hard for me to get used to that. But also, apprehensively positive. What a wonderful community this is. It isn’t any stupid stereotypes. I mean, the dude a couple caravans down from me is a graphic designer. It’s just a really solid community of people who are just… really wonderful.

So… this is a major part of my existence right now. Please remember that Tumblr is an international community. Not everyone you see using that word is a racist throwing out a slur. Some of them aren’t even referring to the Romani. If they’re British, they’re probably more likely to be referring to the Irish, or to people of diverse or unknown ethnic backgrounds.

It may also be something I start talking about more often, because this is now my life. I live on wheels, in a mostly Traveller community. Legally, I’m a “New Traveller” (and the idea of referring to myself that way sends off a degree of appropriative heebjeebies that’s just unbelievable, but that is the fact of the matter). That is, I would be if anyone knew I was here. But the way these things are interacting for me, and how simultaneously uncomfortable and necessary it is to learn about them given my cultural background, means that it is something that is likely to come up. Something I will need to talk about. A consuming part of my life at the moment.

These people have taken me in, in a very real way that pretty much makes me cry when I think about it. They’ve fed me, and kept me warm, and helped me keep this hell shed from tipping over. They’ve gifted me things for my craft – the part of my life this blog is about. I don’t want to avoid talking about them as they talk about themselves, or understanding the way my self-perception is changing as this is happening, for fear I’ll be mistaken for an asshole. It feels like hiding who they proudly are, because the culture I come from has a different history than they do. I don’t live in that culture anymore, and probably never will again. I need to find some way of reconciling the dissonance with the way my life is now.

I don’t think any of this takes away from the complexity of that term. And to all you goddamn Nazis, don’t you dare take this as a reason why it’s ok to fucking harass the Romani, or I swear I will hex the shit out of you. And since the UK tends to follow American trends, I wouldn’t be surprised if that term eventually goes out of vogue.

But today, it is a very different word from its American counterpart, which is essential for me to fully understand in the context of both my own life, and my experience of adopting my new culture as an immigrant. And I want people to understand where I and other people in Britain are coming from when we talk about it. And I feel a need to be understood in my own life right now.

So… This was probably unwise. I’ll take my blows I guess. I’m just reaching into the dark and hoping I’ll find some understanding. This is very much part of what kind of witch I’m becoming, and more broadly, what kind of human I’m becoming.

Steve Trevor + Backstory

As a follow-up to my musings about Steve’s childhood (to recap: Indiana boy born in 1882 to a military father and suffragette mother who grew up with a bunch of older sisters), here’s some more conjecture about Steve’s backstory.

The evidence base I’m using for these imaginings come from:
1. Steve is a male feminist fantasy, so no fuckboi traits allowed
2. Steve is good at soldiering; “sir” comes very naturally to him
3. You can do something or you can do nothing, and Steve’s already tried nothing
4. Pine’s description of the character: “rogue-ish,” “cynical,” “realist,” “worldly,” “charming”
5. History and stuff

Education (1900-1905): Steve is a smart cookie, so I can see him doing well in school and taking classes at Butler University, at his mother’s insistence that he learn a few things about the world before the army fills his head with nonsense. At around 19, Steve would enroll in West Point, the United States Military Academy. It’ll be the first time he’s lived outside the Midwest — and the first time he’s seen the ocean. His, “Why wouldn’t I know how to sail?” comment makes me think he got teased at some point in his life for not knowing his way around the water. He probably played football and got really into the Army-Navy rivalry. Hazing was a big issue at this time, with the older classmen wanting to teach the “plebes” a lesson. Integrating southern and black cadets was also an issue.

Abridged Military Career (1905-1910): After graduation, Steve would begin phase one of his military career. At this point in history, the US is caught between isolationism and imperialism, sending soldiers to the Philippines, Nicaragua, Mexico, etc. The last conflicts of the Indian Wars were also continuing. No glory, no honor. Steve grows disillusioned with the military. His father, though privately upset by imperialism, is nonetheless deeply disappointed when Steve takes a honorable discharge and announces his intention of seeing the world without a gun in his hand.

Rogue Explorer (1910-1915): Let’s say it’s around 1910 when Steve sets off to see the world. He uses his natural charm, his smarts, and his military understanding of supply and trade routes to become a smuggler — but only to fund his travels and fun. Steve is a ladies man because he genuinely loves women. He falls for them on a regular basis and knows his mercurial nature well enough that he only pursues women who know what they’re about and can teach him a thing or twenty. He isn’t a heartbreaker; he’s spot of fun to be remembered fondly.

Steve meets Chief first and the two from a strong bond (one that acknowledges the heavy cultural baggage they left the US with). Steve meets Sameer next, probably because Sameer needs that face of Steve’s to pull off a con. The two begin to work together and bring Chief into their group. They meet up, go off on their own, meet back up — they see the world alone and together. Charlie they meet just as WWI is kicking off. He’s a soldier in the British military, and their contact for sneaking in their smuggled goods. At first, the war is good for business. It’s the “do nothing” approach. Steve tells himself that smuggling goods is helping the boys on the front lines, he’s doing a service. Besides, the US is neutral. Why shouldn’t he be? Charlie re-joins the war effort first. Then Sameer offers his services to British Intelligence. Chief stays neutral, and they all understand. Steve, who can’t stand the horrors anymore, returns to the US.

Soldier-Pilot-Spy (1915-1918): Piloting was just in its infancy when Steve begins his soldiering life again, but he takes to it like a duck to water. The US won’t officially join the war until 1917, but years before they’re offering pilot training and recruiting all the officers they can find in anticipation. That picture of Steve was probably taken in early 1917. After proving himself a competent pilot and a capable officer, British Intelligence would come knocking at his door on Sameer’s recommendation. As a white man and an officer, Steve would get an office in London, a personal secretary, and a place at the table with the brass. His father might indirectly find out his son is now a spy not a soldier and have some thoughts about that ignoble line of work.

But Steve is good at it. He speaks enough languages (at least French and German) to be useful, and his natural charm makes him a valuable operative. He proves more than effective as a honeytrap. (see: scene with Dr. Poison). Spying is an ideal blend of his rogue-soldier dichotomy. While he’s proud of his success and emphatically does not want to suffer, he harbors a deep guilt that other men — better men — are bleeding and starving and dying in the trenches. He grows cynical and numb executing his duty. The armistice and the notebook recall him to life, giving him a mission that he can believe in. Diana, of course, awakens his idealism even further.

Home, part eleven

Pairings: Peter Quill x Reader, Steve Rogers x Reader

Warnings: mild language, angst

A/N: One last part left - epilogue 

Summary: Your best friend in the whole galaxy is coming to visit to help out with Thanos. When he arrives, Steve finds himself jealous of the close relationship Peter and you have. Will this stop the man from telling you how he feels? Will old feelings be brought up once Peter arrives? Does first love truly fade? 

Part 1  Part 2 Part 3   Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10    Part 11  Part 12 Epilogue

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cold hearted | sehun

» punk/bad boy au!
» One of your objectives to accomplish is to make Sehun warm again.

Before everything evolved, Sehun was all blue and cold stone hearted. He was a selfish man who never once opened his thoughts out to someone. He settled on reminding himself constantly he was a new person with a new personality; a person who’s past was deeper than an abyss.

He usually spends his time alone lurking around in quiet places, silently blending himself with his surroundings and keeping everything to himself. He was never the person to mingle, nor bother try to reach out for someone. He was just there, a person who never acknowledges life and constantly leaves his worries of his past far away.

The ink designs imprinted on his skin always reminded him of who the person he built now. It held countless of unforgettable memories. And most of them inched from his neck line down to his nimble fingers, down to his waist. He remembered getting his first one, a small innocent flower tattooed right on the skin near his ribs. It reminded him of his old past; his old naive self. He’s a corrupted person and whoever tries to bring warmth to him will suffer and carry the burden of knowing his past.

He always found himself hanging by the railings of the river by the side of the city. 12 am’s was when he settles there and silently let his mind wander alone, a stick of cigarette in between in his fingers.

He never once considered himself as a burden, but now as he grew up and nurtured into a more mature adult, he knew better enough to know himself he was one. A heavy baggage of problems, that’s what he was. Can a person even possibly have a lot of problems as Sehun does? No, only Sehun does.

The bright moonlight shined down on his figure and down on the deep waters, eliciting a glimmering effect, and oddly - it slightly calmed his wild thoughts. Faint smoke came from his mouth as he let out a deep exhale, tipping the stick down before lowering his head. The shame and burdened feeling he felt always followed him, creating small scar wounds that he knew, would never fade away.

It can, but it would always leave a mark. Reminding him yet again, of what he came through and who he truly was as a person.

It has been months since he had strayed away from contacting with people, he avoided every human being as possible. Was it so wrong to say the least he was quite proud of what he built now? The walls he wasted time building for years after escaping everything. Oh Sehun was a cold hearted man, but deep down a small part in his heart held a warm place. But that did not meant, anyone can easily barge in and strip him out of his vulnerability. It wasn’t that easy.

His gaze trailed down to his feet where he let the cigarette stick fall down a few meters from his shoes, a sigh escaping his lips soon after. It didn’t matter to him now that he was slowly killing himself with a mere stick.

He heard footsteps nearing.

His shoulders visibly tensed up and stiffened, and at the corner of his eyes he saw a figure, possibly a female, clad in dark clothing, oddly similar to what he was wearing. He didn’t miss the chance to see her stop on her own tracks and held a hand up to her chest, probably surprised to see a stranger on her spot.

But relief soon filled him soon after he saw her turn her head away and stand near the railings, keeping a fair distance between the two of them and kept her gaze ahead.

It went like that for the rest of the hours they spent, standing and ignoring each other’s existence. Silently sulking and letting each other’s thoughts run wild free, and getting confused in each other’s presence. It didn’t even faze her a bit that morning came until she felt the burning sensation on her eyes, signalling the morning dawn was hitting on her face.

The man beside her didn’t move so she didn’t bother looking at him, so she took a step back and turned to walk to her shabby apartment. Where all college problems will soon gladly wrap around her head with a constant reminder she will never get away.

Days passing seemed so unreal to her, it was as if hours just went on. She managed to accomplish three of her tasks and passed them successfully to her strict professors. And everytime, she silently praise herself and efforts to finish the undone works. If she didn’t bother doing those, she would be forced to leave. A college drop out – that would be her new title.

With the small amount of money she kept, she let her feet drag her to a ramen shop. The ramen they sell was cheaper but tasted delicious, enough to satisfy a broke college student. Plus, the owner was nice enough to let her off with a free ramen since he saw how exhausted she was everytime she stopped by his shop.

Settling down on a deserted booth, she picked up her chopsticks and while in amidst of doing that, her eyes manage to trail out of the window glass where a figure across the street caught her eye.

The stone man.

That’s what she call him.

He had an unreadable stoic expression on his face, and a scowl that accompanied his dark features. He was also a tall person, standing at what seemed like almost 6 foot? she guessed. She tends to avoid people like him, they were usually the ones that was dangerous, stereotypical words that came from her friends.

A week soon passed, and she almost evidently forgot about the stone man.


If she only didn’t come to spot again.

There he was, standing alone and gazing ahead on the river, completely in a daze. But this time, he was wearing a white shirt that showed his inked arms. A conclusion slowly came to her that he might be experiencing something dark – it was only a mere conclusion so she didn’t really analysed it. It could turn out false, or the truth.

This time, she collected herself cooly and as much as drained she felt, she bravely walked up and settled herself beside him. He, however, turned his head to look at her, gaze cold and hard.

That didn’t fazed her one bit, instead, she trained her eyes on the sky and felt her heart hammering on her chest. The anxiousness slowly building up on her nerves and it made her wonder, what will she accomplish out of this?

“One of those days, huh?” The words escaped her mouth before she could even stop. The man furrowed his brows, a perplexed look etching on his attractive features.

Attractive? Fuck.

She bit the inside of her cheek, an urge of punching herself for embarrassing herself . So she turned away from his direction to walk off, mentally beating herself from the embarrassment she caused herself in. With flustered cheeks, she pursed her lips.

But hearing him speak up, stopped her abruptly.


But that was it. She haven’t seen him in a month after trying to interact with him, and she would be lying if she told herself she didn’t missed seeing him in her spot every now and then. He just went off and disappeared in a matter of days. He disappeared like smoke, fading away in the thin air without leaving a trace behind.

He, however, swallowed his fear of him opening up. The anger and fear he felt after hearing her talk to him made him scared for his life. With all the walls he guarded himself, he wouldn’t just let her break it in a matter of time. No, Oh Sehun was a strong person. He wouldn’t let anyone just do that. But was he really? He was beginning to doubt himself.

He hated how he felt connected with her. How the quiet sighs and staying in each other’s presence could calm his emotions. He was afraid of what might happen. If he poured his feelings out would everything be okay? Or would she be just one of those people who left him hanging in thin air, waiting for someone to save him yet again?

Letting out deep breaths, sweat trickled down his forehead down to his neck where his veins protruded in glory. His muscles felt like bursting, he didn’t know why he was making himself suffer.

He stopped punching the punchbag and took a look at his hands. The knuckles was slowly turning bluish red, and if he didn’t stop sooner, his hand might burst. But compared to the pain he felt before, enduring this was nothing but an ant bite to him.

It was nothing compared to the pain he felt from his past.

He didn’t know why he was standing under the moonlight once again, or why he had a stick of cigarette on between his slim fingers again. It felt like that day was on a cycle, continuing to let him suffer on the inside.

But whatever it was, he felt calm.

He stood on her spot and waited patiently. He even realized he was constantly glancing on the pathways behind him, in case he might get a glimpse of her.

And hours had passed, but he stood on his ground. Sweat trailed down to his face and a few sticks scattered on the floor but still no sign of her.

What was wrong with him? His knowledge of her didn’t even exist. They were both strangers that happened to meet at a wrong time. Just two people who happened to sit under the silence and just admire the stars.

He noticed the sun coming out, abruptly snapping him out of his thoughts. The silence felt heavy for some reason, it felt like it was suffocating him.

So he turned around to run, effectively leaving the spot he was previously standing at.

And ran away.

In hopes of leaving all his frustrations and emotions.

His mind drifted the ramen shop he saw her in. At first, it didn’t really bother him, he thought it was just an ordinary college student eating. But then he noticed that ordinary college student was no longer just a college student.

It was her.

The run on the way to the ramen shop seemed endless. It felt like hours before he finally halted to a stop and gaze up at the familiar sign, and finally he entered the shop.

The mouth watering scent of the ramen lingered around, but his eyes frantically searched for a particular person. Table after table, until his eyes landed on the table at the farthest corner of the room, there she was. Quietly eating her food with sour expression, clothes disheveled and hair a bit messy.

But despite her appearance, his feet unknowingly dragged his whole body towards her with a fazed look.

He stopped in front of her and waited for her to notice him. It took her exactly minutes before she brought her head up to look at him – her eyes widened in surprise.

“Wha-what are you doing here?”

Instead he sat himself on the vacant chair in front of her and sighed to himself. “I’m sorry.”

The apology made her look from her food at him with a confused look. “What? Why?”

It oddly struck to him that he felt kind of bad for her. Was he really going to risk everything he built and pour it out to her?

“I shouldn’t — You can’t just break my walls down, I wouldn’t want you to carry my burden and problems.” He let out a grunt, standing up in the process only to be feel her hand wrap around his wrist.

She stood up and pushed him to sat down before she positioned herself back on her sit with a small smile.

A smile Sehun knew she understood him, it was okay.

“You remind me of myself. No matter how much broke I am to the point where I couldn’t careless and just take my baggage with me, I still live on.” It was something anyone wouldn’t be able to understand, but for him, he did. More than he should.

He stood up just as the same time she did, and wrapped his arms around her shoulders tightly, his breath hitching in the process when she wrapped hers back on his torso.

“Don’t worry.” If anyone said that to him, he would’ve brushed them off and ignore them, but the words that came out of her mouth made him feel relieved. He almost believed it.

The pair spent their time together at the park, sitting amidst the cold midnight air and enjoying each other’s presence once again.


He hummed in response, turning his head to look at her faltered expression.

“I hope that sometime soon, you will open up to me.” It sounded so sincere and genuine. She wasn’t forcing him but instead making sure he was comfortable enough to reveal more of his past. He liked that.

He leaned in to plant a soft kiss on her forehead as a response.

That ‘soon’ did come. Months had quickly passed and he was right.

Whoever is the one who will ever have knowledge of his past will suffer the consequence. Here they both are, tears streaming continuously on their cheeks and heart drumming repeatedly on their chests.

He brought up a hand to run in on his hair. “I should’ve have associated myself with you,” he muttered.

“I love you.”

There was a pregnant pause, the suffocating silence engulfing him again and he whipped his head to look at her with mouth agape. His knees almost buckled on the spot he was standing at and his hands started to tremble.

It didn’t took him long enough until he was pacing across the room to wrap his arms around her comfortably, his breaths becoming short pants until it evolved into soft cries.

Here he was.

He was now a soft hearted man.

A once cold hearted man who was stripped out of his vulnerability. A once cold man who’s heart now is beating red and soft for her.

He’s finally warm.

Classical Hebrew has no word for spirituality. (The modern Hebrew, ruchaniyut, comes from our English word.) The English word spiritual means immaterial and connotes the religious. The concept comes to us with the heavy baggage of early Christianity that divides the universe into material and spiritual. This tradition teaches how to leave this gross, material world and get to the other real, spiritual, and, therefore, holy one.

Judaism sees only one world, which is material and spiritual at the same time. The material world is always potentially spiritual. For Judaism all things - including, and especially, such apparently non-spiritual and grossly material things such as garbage, sweat, dirt, and bushes - are not impediments to but dimensions of spirituality. To paraphrase the Psalmist, “The whole world is full of God.” [ref. Ps. 24:1] The business of religion is to keep that awesome truth ever before us.

Spirituality is that dimension of living in which we are aware of God’s presence. “It is being concerned with,” in the words of Martin Stresler, “how what we do affects God and how what God does affects us.” It is an ever-present possibility for each individual. Jewish spirituality is about the immediacy of God’s presence everywhere. It is about patience and paying attention, about seeing, feeling, and hearing things that only a moment ago were inaccessible. 

Lawrence Kushner, God Was in This Place & I, i Did Not Know

We can be enough. Even if the world is wider than our hands span. Even if our hearts come heavy, already stacked in baggage. Even if our smiles are weak and our reflection flinching. We can be enough just by living.

anonymous asked:

10/13 Henry anon here, dearest Mrs. Virgata and mangokiwimagicswirl, either or both of you please feel free to flesh it out. It delights me my little something could turn into a bigger something. I'm not above begging. *begs*. Look what you all did, my MSR heart really does belong to MSR, but I can carve a little spot out for Henry/Scully/Mulder. Mulder is earth, Henry is the stick, Scully is Archemede's point bc we all know she makes the choices and drives the consequences.

A Saturday in late September, and Henry and Scully sit on the back porch watching the twins lob lacrosse balls at Viv. She catches them expertly, flicking her wrist to send them flying back at her younger siblings. They dodge them, squealing and chasing one another and Wicket, who makes off with one on occasion. He exposes his preposterously fluffy belly in hope of scratches.

Scully pours herself a glass of sangria, pours Henry another two inches of Macallan. She is pleasantly buzzed, work blurring out of her mind’s eye. Henry is somewhat more than buzzed, she suspects. Joan’s parents had been over, which exhausts him.

“There’s, ah, there’s something I want to discuss with you,” Henry says. “And with a bit of liquid courage, there’s no time like the present.”

Anxiety rises in her like a barometer. “That’s quite a lead-in,” she says, keeping her tone light while her stomach churns.

“Sorry,” Henry replies. “It’s not, it’s nothing bad.”

“Let’s have it, then.”

“Mulder’s birthday dinner,” Henry begins. “I know what he…I know that you two are…dammit.“ He trails off in frustration.

The anxiety is now constricting her throat. “Henry?”

He shakes his head, still watching his children. “What I’m mangling here is that if you, um, if you ever felt a need to, you know, take a night off from all this-“ here he nods at the yard, “I’d not hold it against you.”

Comprehension begins to dawn, and Scully is aghast.  “You’re not suggesting that I….no. Henry, no.”

Henry shrugs. “It’s not a moral failing, okay? I asked you once if there was a place for both of us in you and you said there were two places. And I said I’d rather share you than lose you. I know a marriage is a compromise, and I’m, you know, I’m trying to figure out what that looks like here. You took on three kids and a guy with some heavy emotional baggage.”

Scully’s cheeks burn. “So your solution is that I offer myself up to him as a birthday gift? Is this some kind of magnanimous man-to-man gesture, sharing your woman as a show of friendship?”

Henry turns to her now, mouth open. “Oh god, oh….shit. I had no idea it sounded that way. I’m sorry.”

Scully drains half her glass in one gulp. “This is the life I committed myself to, Henry. It’s not a job I need a sick day from, and you and the kids aren’t baggage, for heaven’s sake.”

Henry stares into the yard, watches Wicket play tug of war with Viv’s lacrosse stick. “I’m terrified of losing you,” he says. “Partially because of Joan but partially because…” he shakes his head.

“Because what?”

He swallows the rest of his Scotch. “Because there are these dark places in you I can’t see, places that have been redacted. And I told you I wouldn’t pry, and I won’t, but I have this fear of them. That they’ll swallow you one day, and you’ll just disappear. I guess I hoped that if I offered you a night to visit, so to speak, you might not feel tempted to run away to them.”

Her sinuses burn. “Henry…”

“I wasn’t trying to offer you to Mulder as a birthday gift, Dana, that’s really fucking sick. But I was trying to offer you a night in the parts of yourself you haven’t let me go to yet.”

She reaches for his hand and grips it hard. “I’m sorry,” she says.

“A vacation home,” he says, smiling weakly at his own joke. He squeezes her hand back.

“I don’t need a vacation,” she assures him.  She tugs Henry closer, pulls him down so that his head is resting on her lap. His legs dangle over the armrest of the wicker settee.

“I just want you to know I meant it,” he says.

She nods. “I do. But you can’t keep me by giving me away.” She traces his face with her fingertip, his eyelashes and tragus and philtrum. She etches him deeper into her heart.

Pluto in houses 4 - 12

Pluto in the fourth house

At the deepest roots of their life Pluto will be cleansing and transforming in the sphere of family relations and sense of belonging. The fourth house is closely connected with our deepest self, psychological roots and feeling of protection. 

Those born with Pluto in the 4th house may have experienced something dramatic in the family home, and whatever it was it can sometimes make them feel isolated and rootless. Perhaps there was much that was hidden or secret in their childhood, and this has changed them indefinitely.

According to modern astrology the fourth house rules the father, and everything we inherit from our immediate family. Pluto in the 4th house can show early intimidation, and the father may appear threatening to the child, even if his behavior has unwarranted this powerful reaction. On the other hand, the father may have had a profound affect on the individual growing up, and his absence leaves psychological wounds. Another possibility is that he had difficulty in expressing his emotions, suffered from deep depression, and so when he erupted the violence of his reactions frighten a young child. The father may have been over-demanding, over-controlling, over-protective or jealous.

The 4th house can also signify the death of one of the parents, or actual abandonment. Sometimes the death of a family member has effected the child deeply. The parents may have been struggling to come to terms with a significant loss. The family may have broken up, lost its home, suffered bankruptcy, etc. Pluto in the 4th house is deeply private and secretive about their home life. One of the best outlets for this placement is to “dig up” the family history, and explore old secrets. The complexes and traumas formed in early childhood, if unresolved, often seethe below the level of conscious awareness, and the individual carries a hefty weight of grief and resentment over old hurts 

The individual might want to cut off their feelings altogether, it may feel as if something dangerous underneath threatens to overwhelm them. Pluto in the 4th house represents heavy emotional baggage, which must be explored and healed. There may have even been something considered taboo about their roots and parentage, and the family might have been persecuted in the past. A parents paranoia, obsessive behavior or depressive moods, may have permeated the environment.This can all affect how you feel about family and living at home.

When Pluto is placed in the house of the home, they may want to relocate, emigrate, utterly reinvent where they are living, or build a new place to live. This will usually happen when they feel they have outgrown phase of their life.Sometimes forces beyond their control part them with their past, but they will discover a renewed sense of belonging and transform in the process. Pluto in the 4th house may be involved with tearing down old homes and rebuilding them. The home might have been badly damaged and in need of repair. The situation often forces them to tap into their inner resources.

Pluto in the fifth house

With Pluto in the 5th house there is a powerful urge to express creativity, and art may be pursued with obsessive passion. Artwork and hobbies are expressed with drama, intensity and even heaviness. Creative gifts may be out of the ordinary and have a profound effect on others. Those with Pluto here have strong creative forces in whatever they do, and they want to do it to the fullest, they get totally, passionately and even obsessively involved.

However, these people may have to confront psychological blocks and  re-examine early childhood and see what type of encouragement was received and how others responded to their taste for drama. The labour of creating something can be a long and painful process until they face whatever complexes are rooted in the 5th house. Still, their desire for personal recognition is compelling, and if they do not achieve personal success they may try to force their children  to fulfill their desires for them.

Pluto in the 5th house is over-protective of loved ones and children, and they share a deep and loving bond. Sometimes there is over-possessiveness and smothering. The birth of a child can completely transform their life. The eldest child may undergo a crisis of some kind, or their personality is strongly Plutonian. Astrologer Sue Tompkins says:

A deep desire to have children can be indicated with this placement, which can also sometimes be indicative of miscarriages and abortions if other factors in the horoscope concur. Occasionally it equates with putting a child up for adoption.

 Love affairs are often consuming and emotionally exhausting and they may become obsessed, fixated and jealous of a lover. Pluto in the 5th house is popularly known amongst astrologers as the “fatal attraction” position, and it sometimes indicates a secret or hidden affair. The individual may fall in love with someone who is passionate, jealous, domineering or emotionally turbulent. Pluto here is not likely to take the affairs of the heart lightly and each romance is seen as some kind of fate. Pluto in the 5th house may also indicate a hidden need for love, flattery and attention.

They can act as natural leaders and pioneers, and objectively understand how to guide individual development and actualization of those they touch. The other day I was watching several children play. They were all four and five year olds. At one point an eighteen month old baby wandered by these children. This little girl had a tremendously powerful aura. All the four and five year old children stopped what they were doing and began to follow her. Mesmerized they simply fell in line with this child. After watching this scene I asked the mother for her birth data. As it turned out, the little one had Pluto conjunct Saturn in the 5th house. This intrinsic leadership capacity created an almost Pied-Piper - like effect upon the four and five year olds even though she was only eighteen months old. Jeff Green

There is often a burning desire within to create and sexuality can be intense. A powerful sense of self-importance may be present, alternatively they hide their creativity and sense of specialness. Sometimes art is created in reaction to a trauma, conflict and upheaval. The creative self-expression is used as a healing tool.

Pluto in the sixth house

Those with Pluto in the 6th house can have an obsession with routine and ritual. The 6th house rules over our day-to-day routine of life. The 6th house also describes how we get along with our co-workers and the people we are serving and who serve us. People with this placement of Pluto may possibly have power-struggles in the place of work, and sometimes the individual gives the impression of being threatening, intimidating and hostile to other people. 

Instead those at work bully or threaten this person, and betrayal, treachery, jealousy, bitchiness and intrigue is not uncommon. This position of Pluto does not react well to criticism at work and they can also be ruthless with others on the job. Alternatively, they may be over-zealous in their work practices, powerful and efficient in routine and executing the job the right-way. Pluto can transform work conditions, lifestyle and routine, and the individual has tremendous organizational capability, excelling at  precision work.

These people can be a dynamo at work and have laser-like focus on what needs to be done within a schedule. Pluto in the 6th house desires and ensures that the job gets done right and they are passionate in the workplace, no one is more loyal, committed and dedicated to service. Furthermore, there is also a need to make sweeping changes in the office, factory or workshop.

In some cases the work is Plutonian by nature: Psychology, healing, detective, investigation, research, mortician and so forth. In addition, there is also the tendency towards obsession with work and some individuals function like workaholics. Pluto here may be over-consumed with the minor details and tend to over-analyse problems to death. 

The work-life may go through cycles of change and they may stay in a job for years, until fate pushes them in a completely new direction. Sometimes there can be losses at work, or conditions beyond their control. Losing a job can have a serious psychological impact. Pluto here is invested, driven and compulsive in their work. Wherever Pluto is placed is where the individual may have to face a life and death struggle, and so crisis at work, health troubles or pet matters may be areas of concern.

Persons with Pluto in the 6th house can explore the functions of the mind and body in all-encompassing depth, complexity and penetration. This placement can indicate the eruption of health problems, and therefore the whole diet, regime and lifestyle will need an over-haul. The body needs to get rid of bodily toxins and poisons. For example, Demi Moore has Pluto in the 6th house and this woman is into dangerous detox diets and exercise. Pluto in 6th house diets are severe, and the body survives on minute quantities of food. Sometimes there are major control issues with the body. The person tries various rebuilding techniques, and there often a tremendous amount of effort put into self-improvement.

Pluto in the seventh house

Those with Pluto in the 7th housewill find that partnerships are the catalyst or agents for personal transformation and change. It is the area of relationships that plunge them into deep emotional complexes, testing the depth of their unions, and building and rebuilding contacts with others.

Wherever Pluto is placed in the chart is where we are emotionally wounded, and so when Pluto is placed in the 7th house it is our dealing with others where we find eruptions, blow ups and upheaval. Any problems with a partner will tend to simmer and seethe under the surface, and since Pluto is the planet of extremes, these people are learning to relate in a balanced and cooperative way.

The issue of who holds the power in the relationship is brought into sharp focus, and this may require a complete breakdown and rebuilding of the relationship. Pluto here can indicate power struggles with business partners or those involved in joint projects. The person can also form alliances with powerful people, and these individuals often have a tremendous impact on their future.

Relationships will never stay the same and they encounter people with enormous emotion, passion and vulnerability. Often these people believe that they have met their soul mate and that he or she has known this person in former lives. According to past life astrologers the individual has chosen to empower themselves in relationships this lifetime by overcoming the same emotionally abusive relationships that controlled them in a previous life.

The person may feel haunted by all past relationships and so resentment, guilt and feelings of persecution at the hands of others needs to be healed. Empowering themselves in relationships is the key to understanding their evolutionary development. Many people with Pluto in the 7th house are here to empower others and make very good counsellors, healers and agents for change.

The proclivity for destruction exists in the area of relating and Pluto stirs deep feelings in this house. The potential for treachery, betrayal, secrecy, jealousy, abuse and severe trust issues in relationships may threaten the strength of any bond. The people they get involved with will often mirror back the shadowy parts of themselves that have not been allowed full consciousness.

Pluto here can have difficulty trusting a partner and feeling safe in a union, and these people are working on exposing all issues within the relationship and healing them. There can be divorce or the loss of a partner through death, and it can become the single obsession of their lives. Similarly, they may fear the loss of a partner and attempt to control and dominate the relationship. There can be difficulty in letting go of a partner, and their own destiny is so tightly wound with him or her that to lose them would feel like a death.

Some Pluto in 7th house people have helped a partner through a terminal condition, depression or mental illness and there is usually a fated feeling about relationships. The partner is sometimes emotionally troubled and involved in criminal and underground activities. Conversely, the partner has a Plutonian vocation, and perhaps they work in the police force, psychology, or healing practices.

Pluto in the eighth house

Those with Pluto in the 8th house possess the power to drastically change the lives of others. Pluto is placed in a very powerful and dominant position, but when its natural energies are obstructed it can lead to a build-up of repressed desires, which burst through consciousness, and all hell breaks loose.

Many astrologers believe that when Pluto is placed in the 8th house of the horoscope the individual will experience at least one major life change. Pluto can plunge the native into the intensity of the underworld through a connection with profound issues such as sex, death, power and survival.

With all planets in the 8th house the individual needs to seek empowerment, which refers to the acquisition of power rather than wielding it over others. Additionally, ignoring such powerful intense desires will leave the soul feeling powerless, frightened and overwhelmed. 

Partnerships may involve power-struggles, physical or emotional violence or the breaking of taboos. Some have a propensity for troubled relationships, and it involves long-drawn out conflict over inheritance, sex, business deals and divorce settlements. Relationships can be damaged as a result, and we can recognize this pattern in many couples with silent stand-offs, withdrawal, ambivalence, distrust, anger, blame and an emotional tug of war.

When a relationship has a power-struggle brewing underneath, and the two people begin to test the waters (8th), each partner sheds their inhibitions and lets their real self-emerge. Pluto in the 8th house describes this exchange of intensity and pronounces the desire to transform relationships, and so intense engagement doesn’t have to threaten a relationship, it can help it grow, develop and heal.

The problems arising in the present are often fuelled by the unconscious, and the 8th house represents our psychic inheritance. The family demons may include: death, abuse, emotional manipulation, nasty parental divorce, violence, suicide or mental illness. According to Jungian astrology many 8th house people are born to be the “curse breaker” of the family. Indeed, if the individual can wield such power, they can also bring profound healing. They have a talent for transforming, and their strong will power often equates with an all or nothing attitude.

Pluto in the 8th house can have a compulsive fascination with death and some have an unconscious death wish. Eighth house people are intensely probing and are often interested in dark subjects like the occult, psychology and unsolved mysteries. Inner growth may be a lifelong interest. Pluto here may also have strong psychic powers, and this placement gives the individual added insights.

Pluto here also indicates research ability and the person is willing to dig deep and they may also possess a secretive nature. Issues of life and death may consume them, and the individual  may be able to assist those who are emotionally or mentally disturbed.

Pluto in the ninth house

Those with Pluto in the 9th house may go through a philosophical overhaul and dramatic crisis in life come as a result of belief systems. They may be fascinated with alchemy, archaeology, pre-history, magic, or the occult. This is also an excellent placement for anyone involved in psychology, research and things of an investigative nature. The image of God is characterised by deep, personal experience of transformation. The individual holds the belief that knowledge is power, and they are keen on studying, and there is a feeling that one must root out this knowledge for themselves. 

Pluto will tear everything apart until it finds the hidden meaning. Higher education may have a profound impact on the individual for one reason or another, and they could dramatically switch courses. They are often insatiable to find answers to some of life’s bigger questions, and need to understand the laws and patterns which govern life. Pluto in the 9th house desperately needs to find some meaning in their lives, it’s as if their very survival depends on understanding the world at large. 

Much will depend upon the nature of the ideology they adopt, and at the extreme level they may be a religious fanatic, or a revolutionary attempting to force their worldview on others. Similarly they may also feel persecuted for what they believe, and philosophies are torn down and restructured. Some feel betrayed by the belief system they have followed, and the collapse and deep loss of faith can be overwhelming. The way the individual views and perceives life will undergo major adjustments, and they might even have to face some form of prejudice – either from groups or mainstream society. 

There is an intensive struggle for the deeper truths in life, and travelling to places may involve some kind of trauma, crisis or death. Moreover the individual may feel dramatically transformed while travelling and experiencing different cultures. Pluto’s position in the 9th house brings feelings of rootlessness so that the view of life or religion has to be looked for elsewhere. The search for a new vision may become obsessive, and for some there is a deep dislike of hypocrisy. The higher mind goes through periodic purges and at certain points in their lives they follow a course of study, religion or philosophy with conviction. 

Pluto in the 9th house wants to discover the meaning of the universe, and they can be adept at understanding the deeper aspects of education, teaching and travelling. The 9th house is also related to the higher courts and legal battles are long drawn out and painful. Sometimes there are even some disputes with the in-laws. There will be times in their lives that they passionately crusade something they deem noble and important. The individual can be instrumental in bringing about change in areas of higher learning, religion, or other studies, and radically alter their own perspective in the process.

Pluto in the tenth house

Those with Pluto in the 10th house have their compulsive nature focused on worldly ambitions, and expression of authority. They are likely to find themselves in positions of power and there is an insatiable drive towards success. The individual has a strong striving for impact and influence in society, and may be completely obsessed with their calling in life. They can become consumed by their career and their need for professional success is always intensified.

Pluto here has tremendous determination and great organisation skills. Some work in Plutonian areas like psychology, mining, healing, investigating, or business, but usually one deals with the issue of power, and sometimes the individual seeks to expose the establishment, and this placement can indicate a troubling relationship with authority figures. Those with Pluto in the 10th house may face humiliating experiences at the hands of those in power. Sometimes there is a distrust of those in authority, and Pluto in the 10th house needs to periodically tear down structures and rebuild them. In some cases this may mean leaving an established career, and embarking on a radically different one. They may be subject to career upheavals, public disgrace, have their reputation destroyed, or see the destruction of their career. 

The individual may face forced redundancy, complete takeover, or witness a business collapsing. Sometimes they can no longer tolerate their career and don’t feel as if they are passionately engaged anymore. However, even in all of these cases the person has the ability to regenerate their career and vocation, pick up the pieces and start all over again.

Negatively the shadowy side of Pluto may enter their career and the individual may be ruthless, manipulative, secretive and underhanded in business. However, for most people they are challenged to learn how to use the right amount of assertiveness to avoid power-struggles when they reach the top. Pluto’s position in any of the houses shows the use and abuse of power, and when Pluto is in the 10th house they are very sensitive to the issue of control.

Pluto in this position may have grown up with a dominant parent, and viewed them as oppressive or controlling. Whatever the case, the parent wields an enormous amount of power in the family. Similarly they may view them as dark, possessive and threatening. In reality the parent may not be this way at all, and she may have struggled successfully with some crisis or trauma, but the individual may feel sensitive and vulnerable in their presence. Sometimes it can mean the death of parent or early emotional problems.

Pluto in the 10th house may be responsible for transforming society and tearing down old systems that have become outworn and out-dated. The individual also lets nothing stand in the way of their ambition, and they want to remake and change the world in some significant way.

Pluto in the eleventh house 
Those with Pluto in the 11th house may find intense emotional experiences through groups, friendships, and society at large. The death or loss of friends can affect these people deeply. A crisis of some kind could lead these individuals to take up a cause, and fight for social change in some area.

The individual may wish to transform society to knock it down and rebuild it from scratch. These people can display extraordinary passion towards groups of people, social ideals and movements. The forming of any of these alliances creates profound and life-altering change in the individual. People they acquaint with are the catalysts for growth.

The individuals they meet have an affect on the life for a very long time. It may not be easy to shake off the experiences he or she has with groups, friends and alliances. They may form life-changing relationships, but they are also likely to be fuelled with drama at times. Some of these people feel very uncomfortable in group situations, and they can become paranoid in crowds of people. The individual is quite aware of the darker thoughts and feelings of any group.

Those with Pluto here might find themselves resentful, jealous and mistrustful of friends. The need to control and dominate a group may also be a problem, and they find themselves feeling disturbed, isolated and deeply impacted within social networks of people. The Pluto in 11th house soul also feels that these activities can become demanding and overwhelming on his or her life.

Wherever Pluto is placed there is always that feeling that fate, destiny or karma is at work. With Pluto in the 11th house a compulsive relationship with a friend and the extremes of emotion experienced with this person could be one theme repeating in their life. Those with Pluto here will fight tooth and nail for friends.  Some friendships may prove difficult and they may cause problems through sexual tensions, violence abuse, blackmail and dangerous power struggles.

A mistrust of others often develops, but with Pluto we first view the dark side of a situation and so come across some unethical predicaments. The feeling of powerlessness and helplessness with deep-reaching transformations is another possibility and this usually happens through groups, charities and memberships involving large organizations.

This placement is often associated with replacing one group of associates with another, so that they form a whole new group. It can also bring bring deep, rewarding and powerfully loyal relationships, and the individual may be interested in scientific or humanitarian pursuits, and the repression of freedom could be a powerful issue raised.

Pluto in the twelfth house

Those with Pluto in the 12th house have a deep interest in secrets, the unconscious, and anything mysterious. Psychoanalysis, investigating dreams and other methods of uncovering mysteries are interesting to them. They may be exceptionally perceptive intuitively or psychically.

Stephen Arroyo: Astrology Karma and Transformation points out that the twelfth house reveals influences beyond our conscious control. Planets here symbolize forces which often overwhelm us.

Therefore the individual born with Pluto in the twelfth house sphere has the challenge of not feeling overwhelmed by the collective shadow of suffering, sadness and grief. Pluto in the 12th house has unfathomable and complex emotional guilt and feelings of persecution, and it is not unlikely for this individual to take on the role of family scapegoat. Frequently there is a dark history of abuse, brutality, or violence, and the individual senses that there is something shadowy lurking in the background.

Pluto is working on transforming the collective shadow, and the task is to bring those repressed parts that are weak and undeveloped into full awareness so that they are faced and integrated into the personality. Blocked energy in the unconscious can be released through therapy, self-analysis and dream-work. The depths of the subconscious are explored, and there may be a powerful urge to study psychology or another avenue that explores the unconscious realms of the human psyche.

Pluto in the 12th house possesses a psychic sensitivity to the hidden lives of others. Sue Tompkins says this placement is like a psychic refuse bin, and they absorb the negativity around them; all the unexpressed grief and fears that others conceal behind a happy face. Problematic areas relating to the 12th house are unseen health problems, addictions, excessive escapism, and an overwhelming feeling of powerlessness.

Pluto is sensitive to what is dark and destructive in society. Self-destructive, suicidal, paranoid and destructive fantasies leave the individual feeling helpless and unable to prevent something bad from happening. Yet, this is also a frequent placement in the charts of those who work in mental health, crisis situations, counselling, and crime prevention. 

There is a deep need to do something for humanity that will benefit others and themselves. Pluto in the 12th house possesses a deep reservoir of healing power, regenerative ability, capability and strength in the face of unimaginable terror. The person can go through sustained periods of inner growth and periodic transformations and personal crisis are experienced liberally throughout their lifetime.

Common characteristics of Pluto in the twelfth house include: being deeply private, not what they seem as interpreted in other’s eyes, deeply sensitive; taking things to heart; being amazingly shy at a core level; being ultra-emotional; although you may not know it, they can be extremely giving in a silent way; having many deep and unresolved fears, and aura of dreaminess, and powerful dreams or never any dreams because of exhaustion; being naturally psychic. By Jeff Green

source: http://theastrologyplace.blogspot.nl/

so mary watson, she’s the definition of strong, held together, put together woman. she doesn’t take shit from anyone, and doesn’t hesitate on calling people out on their shit. she’s sassy, straight forward, and bad the fuck ass. though, when she breaks, she breaks down hard. and for sure, if you see her break you know she’s reached her absolute limit. she keeps everything bottled in for as long as she can, which isn’t the best choice but it’s how she’s always been, ever since she was a child she never really told anyone how she really felt and would just let it all pile up until it came tumbling down. as much as she’d want to change it, she can’t. she’s conditioned to be like that. but the point is, know that she is always carrying some deep heavy baggage no matter what she tries to tell anyone.

i wish somebody
took pictures of me
in low light.
kissed me full on the mouth
during unforgettable moments
where we are suspended-
two independent bodies
so intertwined, intermingled.
swirling, in the emerald green
bottle of time.
betting everything on luck and love.

i want somebody to
savour me.

me and my quirks.

Like how I love a cold pillow.
How I like to fold my blanket in a certain way.
How I use two scents in a combination.
How I buy myself a fancy pen to write an assignment.
How fierce and protective I am about my people and puppies.
My books. My music. My journals, I scribble like a dedicated scribe in.
My chipped teeth. My windshield-esqe glasses.
My bones and joints aching on humid days.
My dark circled eyes heavy with baggage.
My big laugh that couldn’t be silenced.
My TV shows references.
My ability to dive into a subject, and give it my all.
My endless love for the infinite sky.
My capacity to shamelessly ogle hot boys.
My day dreams. My fantasies. My goals.
My heartache.
My good days and bad.

i want somebody to
savour me. not
devour me.

anonymous asked:

how do you think a jon and sansa endgame would end up being if it happened? i saw something saying that it seems like people don't think about what the side effects of them getting together would be long term and i am wondering what you think?

Hey Anonny!

Oh man haha, this is such a LOADED question honestly. Because I feel like it all kind of depends on the context of both the tone of the post, and whether it was referring to the books or the show or both.

As far as responding to the post… Since I don’t know what it is or what it said or the tone of it, I can really only kind of attempt to guess and then base my responses on my guesses?

If the post was saying like “no one thinks about what would happen if they got together because no one thinks about them getting together/no one thinks they will get together” then I mean, I can only speak for myself, but I can certainly tell you it’s not true because I think about it ALL THE TIME. I probably spend faaarrr more time than I should thinking about Jon and Sansa getting together lol. I have actually always thought that Jon and Sansa had good canon potential, it’s one of the thing that drew me to the ship in the first place. They are both characters I care about and want good things for, and I think they would be both good to each other and good for each other. To me, that’s part of the appeal. I wasn’t always vocal about it yeah, but that was more due to a lack of having anyone to talk to (aka screech and flail at) about the particular possibility of them getting together until like a year ago than anything else. I mean, canon isn’t by any means a necessary part of shipping, but I do think it’s pretty normal to a certain extent (said extent NOT including shipping wank and wars and anon hate and telling people to kys and all that ridiculous bs). I feel like wanting to get to see your ship make out on screen/in print is a pretty common occurrence and I don’t get discounting or dismissing or ~poo-pooing~ it really, if that’s the direction the post was going in. It goes both ways too, people are just as free to think that canon doesn’t support a ship as they are to think it does. Canon and speculation and the like are just as much a part of shipping for some people as fanfic and fan art, they can put just as much time and effort and dedication into meta, speculation, ect. ect. as fanwork. And tbh I really don’t see anything wrong with that in general. To me it’s fun- I like thinking and speculating about what might happen. Like so many things in life, I am usually The Worst at it, but I love it all the same.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

hi there!! i love your writing, and you seem really nice too. i was wondering if i could request each member comforting you when you have a bad day, if that's not too much? :) i hope you have a great day/night❤️

aww hi dear sorry if this took long! i was constantly re-writing it idk why :( anyway hope you like this! thank you for requesting <3


Being the responsible and loving person that he is, Eunkwang would probably be the type to never leave your side in times like these. He would try not to talk about it at first because he’s afraid that discussing about it might stress you out even more. Instead, he’ll buy you food and hold on to your hand a lot to take your mind away from it. Praying to all of the gods above that those delicious food and snacks as well as his presence is comforting enough for you. Probably a lot of “Are you feeling better now, love?” will erupt mid-conversation because he is hurting as much as you are since all he wanted in life is to see you happy. He will wait until you are calm enough to completely let it out of your chest.


He would be rushing towards you, cupping your cheeks, the second he sees your tiny little pout. “What’s wrong, princess? Tell me.” As he tugs your hair behind your ears as you shamelessly cry your heart out. He would brush your tears away with his thumb and kiss your cheeks. Minhyuk never fails to give you that sense of comfort and safety whenever you’re down. “It will be okay” would repeatedly come out of his mouth often enough that you start believing it yourself. Not used to seeing you cry so hard, He’d lift up your chin up for a kiss to stop your sobs.


From the looks of it, Changsub, although a partner who is full of fun and optimism, would also know how to handle his upset s/o very well. He would definitely pull you into a hug. The tightest hug ever. As if squeezing every sad juice out of you. Everything that’s bothering you. Everything that is scaring you. “Just let it out, love” as he lets you cry with your head buried in his chest. He understands how you can get shy while crying so he’s allowing you to hide your face away from him. He would patiently give you every moment you need to vent out, as he would occasionally give you soft kisses on the top of your head.


Hyunsik has always been great with body language. He knows the most perfect way to touch you to make you feel better. He’d let himself be your shock absorber anytime. He’d be more than willing to take it all in for you, just so you don’t have to deal with the heavy baggage in your chest anymore. He would lay you down and sing you lullabies to help you calm down. And they were the best sounding lullabies that ever graced your ears. Alongside that, he would whisper words of encouragement. “I won’t let you face this alone, okay? We got this.” And somehow his words always find their way to heal you.


Peniel has always been amusingly different. The way he handles you whenever your upset has always been unusual. But you like it. He’d tap on his chest lightly, gesturing you to lay your head on it as he wrap his arms around you. He’d make you listen to chill music that seems like they are only meant to be played at 2am on a rainy Friday. He’s not very good with his words but he sure is a great listener, letting you talk about the things that are bothering you. And you don’t mind the one-way conversation, because you just really need to get it out of your mind. He would play with your hair and encourage you to take a nap after, as he assures you, through his minimal speech, that tomorrow will be a better day.


Ilhoon would likely be the type to pick you up from school or work the minute he gets your text saying how upset you are. He would want to drive you somewhere far away from the place that is causing you all your troubles. He lets you escape with him. And he perfectly knows that that is what you need right now. Both of you would probably end up somewhere with an overlooking view while sitting on the hood of his car. He knows how much you love seeing the city lights. And he loves seeing you happy. He would think that the view of the busy street would distract you and help you forget all the things that are bothering you. “Let’s both pray for better days, okay?” he’ll say as he firmly holds on to you waist.


Using his height to his advantage, Sungjae uses his engulfing hug to comfort you. He’d hug you so tight it’s almost as if both of your bodies become one. Instantly melting all your problems away. As if making you feel that as long as you’re with him, nothing can hurt you. His head would fall on top of your head, and his lips would fall just perfectly above your ear. He did position himself like that intentionally because he wants you to hear him. Everything he has to say. Because he knows how his assurance would calm down your tired and worried heart. “Everything will be okay. I promise.”

You’ve traveled up ten thousand steps in search of the Dharma.
So many long days in the archives, copying, copying.
The gravity of the Tang and the profundity of the Sung
make heavy baggage.
Here! I’ve picked you a bunch of wildflowers.
Their meaning is the same
but they’re much easier to carry.
—  Hsu Yun

anonymous asked:

Hey I wanted to say I love your blog. And ask if you've got amy more of this awesome 20-ish SoSu x Deacon? Maybe Deacon loving sole but still thinking it's a bit wrong because of the age gap? Or Some random settlers/people from Diamond city being mean to them for the same reason? i'' appreciate whatever you'll write *.*

Alright, so, I wanted to post another reaction before I did anymore Deacon stuff but… Oh well. I promise to have a reaction up tomorrow though! I’m almost done with it. Sorry I’ve been MIA. I would like to say I have an excuse for you, but I don’t :(

On a side note though, I restarted Fallout 4 on survival mode and just… :’)

Also, Codsworth is savage, like wow.

Also also, thanks anon for sending this in! 20-ish SoSu x Deacon is my OTP :’)

Dammit, I should’ve said no.

No, fucking, no.

Way to go Deacon, agreeing to date someone half your age. What did you think was going to happen? That her friends would sit idly by while she wasted her life on some old-as-dirt, fucking piece of shit like you? That they would spout at her that time-honored line of bullshit of “whatever makes you happy?”

I’d already received a less than pleasant visit from Piper. Big sibling syndrome: she stormed in, all clenched fists and bared teeth, and slammed her hands down on my desk, getting right up in my face.

“Are you kidding me?!”

“Well, I’m kidding about ninety-nine point nine nine nine percent of the time that my mouth’s open, so as a general rule it’s probably always safer to say, yes, I am kidding you.”

“You’d better be! I mean, what did you think you were doing saying yes to Sole? Did you think it was a good idea? To string along someone as young and open and fragile as she is?! What are you getting at here Deacon? Is this another one of your damn lessons? Because I swear if it is-“

My chair screamed across the floorboards as I stood up. Piper flinched and backed off of the table, but managed to keep a scowl on her face. I stared her down from behind my sunglasses, however her body language suggested that none of the effect was diluted.

“I’m a liar Piper, not heartless. It might be hard for you to imagine, but I care about Sole, and I wouldn’t dare hurt her, not after what happened last time.”

Piper’s lips quirked to one side. She wasn’t convinced, nor did she have any reason to. I am a liar, after all. At a loss for gesticulation, the reporter simply crossed her arms.

“One wrong move Deacon, and I will have your name and face plastered on every last inch of the Commonwealth.”

I chuckled.

“Charming thought, Pipes, but the Gunners already beat you to it. Feel free plaster away though; I’ll have already changed my name and face by the time you print the first issue.”

Piper smirked.

“I thought you promised Sole you wouldn’t change your face again.”

“I did.”

“Whatever. Just watch yourself, old man.”

“Always do.”

Preston and Danse have been giving me the stink eye too. The minuteman, thankfully, has been a smidgen more tactful about his displeasure with Sole’s and my relationship. Knowing the lion-hearted man, he probably kept quiet for Sole’s sake. He always did have a soft spot for her. A little late on the draw, I’m afraid. Early bird gets the worm, Preston.

Eugh. Actually, let’s never say that again.  Sole isn’t bird-breakfast, or some kind of prize. Shit. Maybe I should that doe-eyed do-gooder have a chance with her. He’d be a hell of a lot better for Sole than me.

Shit, even Danse would’ve been a better choice. Unlike the minuteman, Danse was a bit more brusque in his disapproval. If he hadn’t been actively attacking my character, his little speech might’ve actually been funny.

“Deacon, I am astounded by the profound lack of dignity you’ve revealed by being with Sole. Not only is this completely irresponsible of you, but the relationship itself is utterly disgusting. Disgraceful, even. You’re old enough to be her father; aren’t you the least bit ashamed of yourself?”


“Not as ashamed as you should be of that haircut. Maybe it’s time to go fully shaved Danse. I’ve got a few tips and tricks I can spare, but be warned, a good barber never reveals all of his secrets. Or is that magicians?”

Danse let a sneer smear across his smug-ass face.

“Hmph. I would expect as much coming from someone who dabbles in manipulation and subterfuge. I’m watching you Deacon. One wrong move, and I’ll be the first to introduce you to the barrel of my gun.”

“Sir yes sir.”

I gave him a lazy salute, and then headed on my way. I can only take so much of him at one time.

Shockingly enough, even our resident stone-cold killer came to pay me a visit. Terse as always, he didn’t mince his words.

“When you inevitably end up hurting Sole, don’t be surprised when I break your skull. Understand?”

“Loud and clear killer. But hey, you mind watching the face? It’s expensive. The spine however: open season! Feel free to break each and every little vertebrae yourself!”

X6’s nostrils flared with a slightly irritated sigh before he stalked off, making a show of his curt turn.

Thank God for Curie. She seemed to be the only one around Sanctuary with any sense, or rather, lack thereof.

“I do not understand! If you both love each other, then what is so wrong with you two being together? If Mademoiselle Edna and Monsieur Zwicky have taught us anything, then it is that love has few boundaries!”

“While I appreciate the sentiment Miss Curie, the relationship between my mistress and Deacon is of quite a different vein.” Codsworth butted in. Damn, I had really been hoping to avoid her robo-butler. “This lout is about twice as old as Mistress Sole, and has somehow manipulated the poor young thing into a horrible, dead-end relationship. She’s not equipped to deal with all of his undoubtedly heavy baggage, and she deserves someone who can take care of her instead of the other way around! I am loath with you Deacon, especially after I entrusted you with her safety. Then again, maybe it was poor foresight on my part for trusting a liar.”

I saw no need to argue.

And too bad for me if I wanted to slosh my way into oblivion because now even my favorite, red-headed drinking buddy sees fit shun me. I have a hunch that if Sole didn’t make her infatuation with me so glaringly obvious to everyone, Cait would’ve already put me in the ground. Instead, she settles for the occasional dirty look or just flat out ignoring me. To be honest, it stings a little that she hasn’t even bothered to give me a good verbal thrashing. I needed something to suck me back to reality.

Speaking of reality, here’s the real zinger: Nick.

Good ol’ Nicky, one of the few people too good for this fucked up world, didn’t bother to talk to me. Which was good; talking to me is a complete waste of time, and he knows it. Rather, he took Sole, sweet little Sole, into his cozy Sanctuary house to speak with her, and like a fool I skulked outside the window, listening to the two people I admire most in the Commonwealth discuss my least favorite topic: me.

Nick offered Sole a seat on his couch; I could hear the squeak of centuries old springs as they both sat down. Nick starts, but only after letting a few beats of silence settle them in.

“So Deacon, huh? That’s an… interesting choice.”

She huffed out a halfway amused laugh.

“That’s what everyone tells me, more or less.”

They go quiet again. She was never much of a talker. Nick sighed; it’s a conscious response for him, seeing as breathing for a synth is quite redundant.

“Sole, I’ve known Deacon for a long time. He’s a good man, but I believe both of you going about this irrationally. Now I don’t say this to scare you, but I want you to think about your relationship with him for a second. Deacon is old enough to be your father. Albeit a young father, but a father none the less. You’ll grow old together, sure, but he’ll pass on long before you do, probably by a good fifteen years or more. That’s a long time to miss a spouse. And what about kids? If you have them, they’re going to lose their father at an early age. And before you start off on me about early deaths in the Commonwealth, that’s different. Death by raiders, illness, wildlife: those are unforeseeable tragedies. This on the other hand, is avoidable… Just something for you to think about before cementing anything.”

More silence. I was tempted to peek, to see what was happening.

“Hey now, don’t cry sweetheart. I’m just trying to look out for you. You may be the savior of the Commonwealth, but that doesn’t mean you’re accustomed to it. Hell, you probably weren’t even accustomed to your world before thawing out here. You’re young Sole, and whether or not you want to admit it, you need someone looking after you. Everyone does, to some extent. But what’s more is that this is still your decision. If even after thinking it through you decide to stay with Deacon, I’ll support you both.”

There’s more creaking of the springs and some rustling of clothes. I chanced a look past the windowsill to see Nick hugging Sole with her face buried in the crook of his neck. The old synth spotted me right away, lifting a questioning brow, but said nothing. I gave him a grateful nod of my head and fled the scene just before he finished the hug.

“Alright, time for you to run along home before it gets dark. After these last few days, you need some rest.”

Turning away, I hiked up the hill behind Sanctuary to my humble abode: a nondescript little makeshift cabin. It looked as worn down as I felt, but even after Sole offered me a house in Sanctuary proper, I declined and insisted she have Sturges build me something small and out of the way. Pushing past the rusted red door, I collapsed into my tattered armchair and pulled out a cigarette because damn did I need one.

Barely two minutes into my smoke break, just when the nicotine started taking the edge off, my door gently creaked open. Sole tip-toed in, searching for me with big, watery eyes. I sat up, both hands pressed against the arms of the chair, poised to launch me to her side, but then I froze, smoking cigarette still caught between my lips.

This is it, I thought, Nick got to her. He always gets to her. Good for him. Good for her. Devastating for me. But this is how it should be, damn it. Don’t screw this up Deacon, just let her go. Let. Her. Go. She doesn’t need any more fuck ups in her life. Go ahead and end it, and maybe it won’t hurt too badly. Shit. Stop shaking. Shit, stop shaking.

Her hand on my shoulder makes me jump. I’m still frozen, but my eyes never leave hers. And her eyes, they’re red-rimmed and brimming, so she won’t be saying much. Talking unravels her.

She gestured her head down and then back up. I nodded reassuringly at her. A shaky sigh left through her nose, and then Sole carefully curled up in my lap, forcing me to recline from my coiled position. Her forehead warmed my neck, but the familiar feeling couldn’t help me relax. Plucking the cig from my mouth, I tried releasing some tension in one long, trembling breath.

“You were supposed to go home.” I said.

I felt her shrug.

“Didn’t want to.”

She wasn’t surprised that I eavesdropped. She was never surprised by my deceits, even the ones she fell for and then later discovered… or didn’t discover, ever since that damned recall code gag. She fell for it, hook, line, and sinker. But the price we paid for it in the end, were her lowered expectations. That’s the only lie in my whole career that I ever considered a failure.

Hell, how can she stand to live in the same community as me, much less come to me for comfort?

I take a long drag, willing some pesky tear back inside their ducts. Come on now Deacon, get it out before you lose your cool.

“Sole, I think… it’s been long enough. What we’ve shared has been nice and all, but for both our sake, it’s time to break it off.”

She jerked back like I’d hit her, her elbows digging uncomfortably into my chest. I could see her angrily trying to blink back the already falling tears.

“Wh-what?” Her hands fisted up in my shirt, clenching and un-clenching. “But… why?”

“Sole, please, this is already hard enough. I’m not good for you; never will be. Believe me, you don’t want to be hitched to this fuck up for the rest of your life.” I swallowed hard, and damn it, now I’m crying too. I saw realization spark across her face as the first tear breached the rim of my glasses. Compassionately, like everything she did, she took them off and set the pair on the side table.

We watched each other quietly crying. Shit, we must’ve been the most pitiful sight on the face of the earth at that moment.

Suddenly her hands were on my face, and she leaned in. The warmth of her breath caused a buzzing sensation starting through my lips.

“Don’t.” I whispered.

Sole didn’t answer. Her lips pressed against mine.

It was our first.

And it changed my mind.

“I love you.” I blurted, my lips awkwardly moving against hers as I said it.

“I love you too. I love you too.” She whimpered against me. “I don’t want to leave you Dee. Please. I don’t care what anyone else says, even if they end up being right. Even if you’re twice my age, and even if this means sacrificing my golden years. Maybe I am young and stupid, but I’m young and stupidly in love, and that’s all I know.”

She kissed me harder the next time. I was sure that her mouth was heaven on earth. Soft, prying and yielding at the same time, coaxing. And her tongue, God her tongue, slipping out and running across my chapped bottom lip. When she pulled away, it was too soon.

“And you’re not a fuck up Deacon.” Her thumbs rubbed rapidly at my tears, feeling soft against my cheekbones. “You’re not. You’re so not.”

I squeezed her hips, probably too hard; It had been so long, too long, since I felt this overcome. Shit, I was in deep.

“Ca- mm- C-Can’t argue with a pretty lady.” I cheesed, and there was that smile. I lived for that smile.  “Now, where were we?”

“I think I remember where we left off.” She said, and if there’s one thing I can count on it’s this,

Sole definitely isn’t a liar.

Batman: Cacophony. Final dialogue.

I’m still not done with it. The comic is real gold, but the final interaction between Bruce and Joker is on such a great level that it’s actually reminds me of The Killing Joke. Though in this case thay have much more heavy baggage to carry and still Bruce is ready to speak and to understand, he still wants to.

I love absolutely every part of their dialogue!

How easy and without a doubt Joker sees it is Bats:

Real face!

Keep reading

You know, everyone talks about how close team BBA is, and it’s true, they are very close but. I think the closest team ( excluding F Dynasty since they’re actual siblings ) would be Neoborg.

Those four have pretty much only ever had each other. The inclusion of Kai shook things up a bit, as Ian was forced to stay in the shadows, but he was still there. I headcanon him as the tech guy of the crew, brilliant with computers and hacker genius extrodinare whom was probably working with Tala the entire time digging up info on Barthez and Boris.

It’s interesting to see them interact with Kai in G Rev. Kai’s trying to play the lone wolf role, but the pack’s circling around him and looking after him like he’s one of their own, because in a way, he is. He was likely part of Balkov’s original Neoborg team of the best and strongest.

And Kai, despite his “we’re not friends”, goes and visits Tala in the hospital. Tala, despite his icy reputation, worries about Kai and even CRIES when Dranzer shatters and Kai passes out ( or dies, it’s really unclear. beyblade wtf )

Neoborg cares about each other in sometimes odd ways, but they still care. They rarely let the outside world see it because I think they still have a bit of the us vs the world mentality. They play their cards close to their chests and only reveal them to others if they have no other choice. They’re the one team I can’t imagine going off and parting ways and doing separate things. For them it’s pretty much ‘together or not at all’. I’m not sure if even they could imagine doing things without the rest of the team. None of them live separate. They all live in a giant house paid for by either Mr. Dickenson, or one of the Hiwatari family mansions that was rarely used.

Dating must be especially difficult, since I doubt they allow people into their little circle easily, and they all seem to be fiercely protective of each other. Not to mention you probably have to be a level 5 friend to unlock the tragic backstory and no one in the community is anywhere near that. I do think they’re likely, if they do date, to do so within the community. it’s much easier and much less exhausting than trying to date a normal and explain how they’re not normal. the beyblading community already knows that part. And with dating, their partners must realize that if things get serious, they are a packaged deal. they come with heavy baggage. Buy one get three free.

Team Neoborg is the closest and most tight knit group in the show. They’ve got one of the most interesting and complex relationship on the show. I think that’s why exploring them
and headcanoning them and worldbuilding them ( and the Majestics ) is my favorite.