heaven is for kids

Demigod Child

As a DM I play 5e, and I tend to play fast and loose, often introducing different mechanics not in the book for monsters and NPCs. My players were in the middle of what was essentially a war zone, and decided to send off one character’s adopted kid to escape while they went to fight. This child wasn’t a fighter, and their only skill (as I described it) was that they were “Very fast and good at dodging”. So, the players decided to give the kid some tools.
One was a halfling with a spare set of armor (good size for an elf kid), another had a poison handaxe, one had a spare sword, and the paladin (usually the resident goofy joke character) gave such an awesome and powerful good-luck you-can-do-it we-believe-in-you speech that I gave the kid a point of inspiration. I was actually getting amused by the fact that they were doing so much for this NPC child who I fully intended to be alright, but eventually the kid was ready to be sent off.

DM (me): So this kid is decked out in humorously deadly gear now, you gonna send them off?
Monk: Yeah. I uh, I kneel down—"Just find my horse Breka and ride off to that one town until we can find you again, okay?“
DM: Uh, Sunny nods and looks really confident with themselves. They’re just gonna turn to set out towards that horse, they know where it is.
Ranger (speaking for the first time in a long bit): I wanna cast a buff on Sunny.
DM: You… oh. Okay, what’s it do?
Ranger: It uh, it adds to their base Dexterity score, [about 7] points, and it lasts for awhile so they have a lot of time to get away.
DM: It… what? That’s a spell?!
Ranger: Yeah, it’s a spell.
Barbarian (sitting next to her and leaning over): Yep, it’s a thing, I’m looking at it right now.
DM: I… okay, you… you do that. Then the kid runs off to find the horse, and… oh my god. Guys, what have you done.
Monk: What? What happened?
DM: …So because Sunny is a child and a small target, I decided to give them a special mechanic. When they’re attacked, they can choose to either just let their AC handle it—which you just boosted with that armor—or they can try and dodge the attack. And instead of AC, they… they contest the roll with Dexterity. They already had a base Dex of 17.
Group: *pause for a long moment before they begin laughing*
DM: Guys, you just made this kid basically unkillable! You just—they’re a demigod, now, this little elf kid scampers off to fight Thor or something, and Thor can’t land a hit! You—the kid is immortal! This kid has become a diety!
Monk: Protect my child! Not even god could hurt them now! God child!!
Group: *begin chanting “God child”*
DM: I—oh my god their initiative mod is insane now too, I—I think this kid just ascends into the heavens. I can’t believe you’ve done this.

10

I think to be courageous, you have to be afraid. For me, it feels very courageous when I go skiing because I’m very, very afraid to ski. It’s dangerous! I feel very scared. But when I’m acting, I don’t feel very scared.

Conversation I Overheard at a Church Function
  • Kid: Moooommmm...That girl hit me!!!!!
  • Mom: okay honey, don't get upset..
  • Kid: but mom she hit ME, she's asking to get it!!
  • Mom: but what would Jesus do?
  • Kid: SET HER ON FIRE
8

“When you’re 5 ft. 5 in., have a round Jewish face and wear glasses and refuse to wear contacts, you’re going to get offered certain parts. People thought of me as the nerdy guy, even in non-nerdy parts like ‘Parenthood.’ I didn’t feel the need to change anything I was doing - I embraced it.” - Rick Moranis

anonymous asked:

Do you think Spider-Man's metabolism is extra fast? What do people think of him always being hungry if so? And is it compounded by him being a teenager? Is he scared he won't grow because he can never get enough nutrition? Ton of questions, I'm sorry... but I wonder about whether the poor kid ever gets enough to eat 'cause heaven knows it never seems like the teenage boys I know do and it makes me concerned/curious (concernioused?) for what it'd be like for one with an extra fast metabolism.

Anon, I know this has been in my inbox for an eternity, (sorry) 

Peter is always worried about gaining and keeping his weight on, always. Peter will probably never stop worrying. 

  • Peter was already a skinny guy when he got bitten. And as a kid that was asthmatic, pron-to illness, and never really liked sports, Peter hadn’t expected to bulk up at all. 
  • But once he became a web-slinging hero he had to really watch his food intake. (and not in the way a normal teenage boy might have too) 
  • Peter noticed two things right off the bat- 
  1. He was always hungry, always. No matter how much Peter ate he somehow always felt like he had room for more. 
  2. If he didn’t eat to replace all the calories he burned on patrols he would lose weight fast. Like unhealthily fast. 
  • Peter kind of figures that having an extra fast metabolism and a healing factor was worth the vicious animal that was now his stomach. But the teenager would be lying if he said it didn’t make him nervous. 
  • And it worried him for a couple reasons-
  1. The main thing that troubled Peter was the fact that Aunt May and he just didn’t have enough income to support his stomach, and Peter didn’t know what else to do about that other than getting a job and eating less.
  2. Peter also worried about how the lack of food must be affecting his body (if his obvious ribs and hips were anything to go by) than he was guessing not good.

(I privately head-canon- that because of not having enough food Peter never grew to his full height. (This isn’t to be construed into me thinking Aunt May didn’t do her absolute best, or that Peter was starving to death) I just think it’s a realistic thing to have happen- because if Peter could have enough food to fill him every single day, he would eat them out of a house quite literally)

  • Aunt May definitely noticed Peter’s garbage disposal of a stomach and she makes sure to cook more food and give Peter bigger helping on his plate. (she did it slowly so that Peter wouldn’t notice) 
  • Peter’s classmates also notice Peter’s new found appetite, and some people (MJ and Gwen) will pass him power bars or give him some of their food at lunch. 
  • While his other peers (Flash) make fun of him for it and tease him, (even forcing Peter to eat food off the floor-“hey aren’t you always hungry Puny Parker?! This looks good!”
  • Though I will say- when Flash once caught Peter changing in the locker rooms (Peter always changed in a stall so that people wouldn’t see how skinny he was, or his random bruises from patrol) the bully got really concerned-
    “Parker, who did that to you?”
    “Flash?!”
    “Who Parker, who?” 
    “I- I was skateboarding-”
    “That’s a load of crap, Par- Peter,” 
    “It’s just a few scrapes leave me alone, Flash” 
  • (Peter is pretty sure that Flash now thinks he’s being abused, but there’s nothing he can do about that now) And Flash kind of left Peter alone after that. (Though concerned and worried looks were levered his way now, often) 
  • The superhero community takes notice of the Spidey’s black hole of a stomach after hanging out with the teenager, and they all shove food at Peter too. 
  • Though at first Spidey was all spluttery and embarrassed, and the teen didn’t want to take their charity or pity. (Cuze sometimes the kid is a stubborn dork) But after some of them explained- “you do a lot for this city, it’s the least we can do to feed you kiddo”- in a few words or less, Peter now takes the food happily. 
  • The Fantastic Four have him over for dinners and when Peter hangs out with Johnny there are always snacks and or takeout. And it doesn’t really feel like charity, it just feels like family.
  • The Avengers will ‘trick’ Spidey into coming over after they’ve patrolled/battled together- “we need to check that wound, kid, come back to the Tower” -and then let the Spider stuff his face after they’ve stitched him up. 
  • Daredevil doesn’t dottle around the subject, he just throws food at the teenager with an exasperated (but fond) “I could hear your stomach growling from three blocks away, eat dammit.”   

So overall, Peter’s fast metabolism is a problem. But not one that he can’t deal with. And hey there are worse problems than always being hungry, he’ll grow out of it, right? RIGHT!? 

The Signs As Kid Cudi Songs

Aries: Just What I Am // Indicud

Taurus: Erase Me // Man On The Moon II

Gemini: CONFUSED! // Speedin Bullet 2 Heaven 

Cancer: Pursuit Of Happiness // Man On The Moon I

Leo: Marijuana // Man On The Moon II

Virgo: The Prayer // A Kid Named Cudi

Libra: King Wizard // Indicud

Scorpio: Day ‘N’ Night // Man On The Moon I

Sagittarius: Immortal // Indicud

Capricorn: Soundtrack 2 My Life // Man On The Moon I

Aquarius: Embrace The Martian // A Kid Named Cudi

Pisces: Man On The Moon // A Kid Named Cudi