heaven is for kids

It’s great to have success, do great things, have kids and be married.. but honestly.. the only thing that is going to matter at the end of your life is going to be whether you surrendered to Jesus. This life is temporary and I hope this life has been great for you, but think on eternity for a moment.. don’t leave this world without accepting Jesus. Please.

8

“When you’re 5 ft. 5 in., have a round Jewish face and wear glasses and refuse to wear contacts, you’re going to get offered certain parts. People thought of me as the nerdy guy, even in non-nerdy parts like ‘Parenthood.’ I didn’t feel the need to change anything I was doing - I embraced it.” - Rick Moranis

Conversation I Overheard at a Church Function
  • Kid: Moooommmm...That girl hit me!!!!!
  • Mom: okay honey, don't get upset..
  • Kid: but mom she hit ME, she's asking to get it!!
  • Mom: but what would Jesus do?
  • Kid: SET HER ON FIRE
Demigod Child

As a DM I play 5e, and I tend to play fast and loose, often introducing different mechanics not in the book for monsters and NPCs. My players were in the middle of what was essentially a war zone, and decided to send off one character’s adopted kid to escape while they went to fight. This child wasn’t a fighter, and their only skill (as I described it) was that they were “Very fast and good at dodging”. So, the players decided to give the kid some tools.
One was a halfling with a spare set of armor (good size for an elf kid), another had a poison handaxe, one had a spare sword, and the paladin (usually the resident goofy joke character) gave such an awesome and powerful good-luck you-can-do-it we-believe-in-you speech that I gave the kid a point of inspiration. I was actually getting amused by the fact that they were doing so much for this NPC child who I fully intended to be alright, but eventually the kid was ready to be sent off.

DM (me): So this kid is decked out in humorously deadly gear now, you gonna send them off?
Monk: Yeah. I uh, I kneel down—"Just find my horse Breka and ride off to that one town until we can find you again, okay?“
DM: Uh, Sunny nods and looks really confident with themselves. They’re just gonna turn to set out towards that horse, they know where it is.
Ranger (speaking for the first time in a long bit): I wanna cast a buff on Sunny.
DM: You… oh. Okay, what’s it do?
Ranger: It uh, it adds to their base Dexterity score, [about 7] points, and it lasts for awhile so they have a lot of time to get away.
DM: It… what? That’s a spell?!
Ranger: Yeah, it’s a spell.
Barbarian (sitting next to her and leaning over): Yep, it’s a thing, I’m looking at it right now.
DM: I… okay, you… you do that. Then the kid runs off to find the horse, and… oh my god. Guys, what have you done.
Monk: What? What happened?
DM: …So because Sunny is a child and a small target, I decided to give them a special mechanic. When they’re attacked, they can choose to either just let their AC handle it—which you just boosted with that armor—or they can try and dodge the attack. And instead of AC, they… they contest the roll with Dexterity. They already had a base Dex of 17.
Group: *pause for a long moment before they begin laughing*
DM: Guys, you just made this kid basically unkillable! You just—they’re a demigod, now, this little elf kid scampers off to fight Thor or something, and Thor can’t land a hit! You—the kid is immortal! This kid has become a diety!
Monk: Protect my child! Not even god could hurt them now! God child!!
Group: *begin chanting “God child”*
DM: I—oh my god their initiative mod is insane now too, I—I think this kid just ascends into the heavens. I can’t believe you’ve done this.

10

I think to be courageous, you have to be afraid. For me, it feels very courageous when I go skiing because I’m very, very afraid to ski. It’s dangerous! I feel very scared. But when I’m acting, I don’t feel very scared.

anonymous asked:

I feel so bad for the children who's parents spend all their food stamp money on junk food. I don't understand why you need to spend your last 150 dollars on snack cakes, chocolate, and soda when you have 4 small kids to feed..

Not your business. Heaven forbid people fucking enjoy the little things when life is fucking miserable when you’re poor. FUCK OFF! I’ve been on food stamps. We couldn’t take our kids to fun places or do anything memorable as a family. Our lives were basically check to check and on the edge of our seat to see if we could even have a Halloween or Christmas. Living poor is shit and I honestly considered killing myself so many times because I couldn’t do more to make my kids feel like kids and happy.  I’d rather pay for a poor kid to have a candy bar than some asshole who thinks poor people are the problem and not the tax evading rich people to get their second car or more.

Let me also remind you that healthy food has a high price and low shelf life. You can keep “junk” for months while a goddamn banana will go bad within three days of purchase. Not everyone can afford the gas or cab fare to drive to and from the store every fucking day. Try living on food stamps(equivalent) for a month and see if you can survive. Don’t judge til you know.

Choke on your caviar next time before opening your mouth. -Abby