heaven forgive me for i have sinned

The Secret History: Oscar Wilde edition

Richard : “I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train.”

Henry : “You will always be fond of me. I represent to you all the sins you never had the courage to commit.”

Charles : “We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.”

Camilla : “After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one’s own relations.”

Francis : “I don’t want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.”

Bunny : “A good friend will always stab you in the front.”

Julian : “I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.”

Forgive me father for I have sinned,
I have loved a woman more desperately than I have loved God. I have looked to a woman more reverently than I have the sky. There, in the sulk of her bottom lip, I find myself talking about a heaven that only exists when she is looking at me,
father she has not been forged between the dip of my teeth, she is not my rib, or my left side, she is my entire stomach, she is my spine.
I have been searching for prayer, father but I have found that I can only say her name
Dear God, let me have her
Dear God, let her rest with me
Dear God, let the sky turn red from how we burn
The plum tree in our back garden has withered because I have not seen the sun for five days. I have been worshipping at the cradle of her hips
father, she has cleansed me with those hands and those eyes, I do not know how to turn unless it is towards her, I do not know where to go except in her direction.
—  Azra.T “Take Me to Church”

A woman came to Prophet Musa عليه السلام and said, “I committed a grave sin. Please pray to Allah that He forgives me.”
Prophet Musa: “What did you do?”
Woman: “I committed Zina and later gave birth to a boy whom I killed.”
Prophet Musa: “Go away from here, you wicked woman, lest a fire from Heaven destroys us all because of your sin!”

The woman left broken-hearted.­ Then Angel Jibril descended and asked, “O Musa, why have you turned away a repentant woman? Have you not found anyone worse than her?”
Prophet Musa: “Who can be worse than her?”
Angel Jibril: “The one who abandons #SALAH intentionally and persistently.”

—  [Al-Kaba'ir, Adh-Dhahabi, Book of Missing Salah]
Messenger of Allah (salallahu alayhi wa sallam) said, Allah, the Exalted, has said: ‘O son of adam, I forgive you as long as you pray to Me and hope for My forgiveness, whatever sins you have committed. O son of 'Adam, I do not care if your sins reach the height of the heaven, then you ask for my forgiveness, I would forgive you. O son of 'Adam, if you come to Me with an earth load of sins, and meet Me associating nothing to Me, I would match it with an earthload of forgiveness.
—  Riyad as-Salihin, The Book of Miscellany, Book 1, Hadith 442
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O Allah, to You be praise, You are the Light of the heavens and earth and whoever is in them.

To You be praise, You are the Sustainer of the Heavens and the earth and whoever is in them.

To You be praise, You are the Sovereign of the heavens and earth and whoever is in them. To You be praise;

You are True, Your promise is true, Paradise is true, Hell is true, the Hour is true, the Prophets are true and Muhammad is true.

To You have I submitted, in You I put my trust and in You I have believed
And with Your help I argue [with my opponents, the non-believers], and I take You as a judge [to judge between us].

Forgive me my past and future sins and those that I commit openly.

You are the One who puts [some people] back and bring [others] forward.

There is no God but You and there is no power and no strength except with Allah

(Sunan an-Nasa'i 1619)

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A savior stands in the doorway. I fear forgiveness.

Heaven comes home and knocks on an open door.

                   I hide among taxidermy sins, stuffing

my own limbs with excelsior in the dark. I stand in the corner of the

room. Where the paint chips, wallpaper 

looks like condemnation. Saviors have many

false faces - mine have looked like lovers

                       and felt like fists. 

                                                     I pick at

                                                    the scabs of concealment

                                until I see a pattern.

The world is a game of hide-and-seek.

Culture has given me the skills

             to do both at the same time. 

If our greatest need had been information,
God would have sent us an educator.
If our greatest need had been technology,
God would have sent us a scientist.
If our greatest need had been money,
God would have sent us an economist.
If our greatest need had been pleasure,
God would have sent us an entertainer.
But our greatest need was forgiveness,
so God sent us a Saviour.
—Roy Lessin
Father in Heaven,
I need You in my life. Forgive me for going my own way without acknowledging You. Thank you that You sent Jesus to die for my sins. Thank you that You forgive me. Cleanse my heart and come into my life today. Please help me to grasp Your ways so I can walk securely in them even in insecure places. I need Your perspective in my life.
Guide me in Your truth, Lord God. You are my Savior, my Rescuer and my Redeemer. Today I put my trust in You. Thank you that You will give me the hope and help and peace I need in my journey through life. Thank you that You are my Savior.
In Jesus’ mighty name I pray, amen.

[Al-Ghaffar/The Most Forgiving
Out of His tremendous mercy, Allah keeps overlooking and forgiving our sins. As our deliverance in the Afterlife is subject upon His forgiveness, we must keep seeking His forgiveness. We should follow, in respect of the Prophet’s example who invoked Allah’s forgiveness:
‎اللَّهُمَّ أَنْتَ رَبِّي لا إِلَهَ إِلا أَنْتَ خَلَقْتَنِي وَأَنَا عَبْدُكَ وَأَنَا عَلَى عَهْدِكَ وَوَعْدِكَمَا اسْتَطَعْتُ أَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ شَرِّ مَا صَنَعْتُ أَبُوءُ لَكَ بِنِعْمَتِكَ عَلَيَّ وَأَبُوءُ لَكَ بِذَنْبِي فَاغْفِرْ لِي فَإِنَّهُ لا يَغْفِرُ الذُّنُوبَ إِلا أَنْتَ
Allahumma anta Rabbi la ilaha illa anta, Anta Khalaqtani wa ana abduka, wa ana ‘ala ahdika wa wa'dika mastata'tu, A'udhu bika min Sharri ma sana'tu, abu'u Laka bini'matika 'alaiya, wa Abu Laka bidhanbi faghfirli innahu la yaghfiru adhdhunuba illa anta
(O Allah! You are my Lord! None has the right to be worshipped but You. You created me and I am Your slave, and I am faithful to my covenant and my promise as much as I can. I seek refuge with You from all the evil I have done. I acknowledge before You all the blessings You have bestowed upon me, and I confess to You all my sins. So I entreat You to forgive my sins, for nobody can forgive sins except You.)
[Sahih al-Bukhari; 8,75,318, At-Tirmidhi; 3393, An-Nasa'i; 5522, Ahmad; 16662]
Allah forgives the sins, small and big, of His worshippers. “Surely I am the Most-Forgiving for him who repents and believes and acts righteously, then follows the right path.” ‎﴾20.82‬‎﴿‬
“Lord of the heavens and earth, and of all that lies between them, the Almighty, the All-Forgiving.” ‎﴾38.66‬‎﴿‬
Allah can punish people and display their shameful doings; but because of their good deeds, He does not betray them.
Our Prophet Muhammad (‎ﷺ‎‬) said: “Allah, praise be to Him, brings His servant close and hides him and asks him: ‘Do you know such and such sins? The servant says, ‘Yes, my Lord.’ And He [Allah] asks him again until he admits all his sins. Allah then says, ‘I have concealed them in your life and today I forgive them.’ And he is given the book of his good deeds” (related by Al-Bukhari and Muslim).

  • Me: *at the gates of heaven* oooh this is nice
  • Saint Peter: Alright let's see if you can enter heaven child
  • Me: Do I say my sins and good deeds?
  • Saint Peter: No it's alright we'll look at your fan fiction history
  • Me:
  • Me: I'll show myself to purgatory no worries

holy father, goddess supreme, this woman I love
let me hold onto her for a little bit longer.
just a little bit longer.


There is madness within me:
my ma calls it the devil.
Child, the devil resides in your bones, she says as she drags me to the sheikh;


she tastes like blood in my mouth.
I’ve touched all of her,
she holds onto my neck while she mouths things I am not meant to know against my cunt;
they always seem like prayers to me.
and as her eyes meet mine, I think,
I’ve found heaven in the midst of hell.


The sheikh looks like Jesus Christ:

forgive me, father, for I have sinned,

He shakes the devil out of me and he asks me to swear on the Holy Quran to never give into the hunger again.
I place my hands on the holy book and I swear-

why is it that the world is full of sinners,
but religion demands nothing short of excellence from us

worship me, she says, I’ll take you and all your ugliness and I’ll devour you whole.
I scream.
later, she will tell me that all of the heavens shook with the force of my rejection
and she will laugh and laugh.


I could not do it.
My ma is ashen behind me and the sheikh is shaking his head.
I could not do it.

born of dust and water,
filthy mud I have become.

My mother is a weeping mess at home.
She rages against my chest and I know she is crying for me.
Oh, child, what have you done? What have you done?
She says over and over again.

She does not pray for me ever again.
No amount of praying will save a soul that does not want to be saved, she knows that better than anyone else.
I just wish, I never needed saving from this.

she is half moons when she wakes,
full moons when she stares at me,
and darkness when she is in bed.

I think the worst thing god has done to me
is create her a separate entity from me.
when she hovers over me, pale as the moon, I want to lay claim to her, own her the way humans were never meant to own other humans.
when I tell her this, she laughs and says that it’s a good thing we are not humans then.


The sheikh tells me that I will never walk through the gates of heaven.
I am not surprised, of course I am not, I have always known that heaven had no place for someone like me;
the only difference now is that I have made my peace with it.


she offers me her body like sacrificial lambs, splays herself over me and I feast my eyes upon her.
she screams God’s name like an expletive when my fingers find their way into her body -
I have an urge to rip her apart that way.

the sheikh shook the devil out of me, but I still hungered for her

what does that make me

—  oscarsins

father, i have sinned,
for i have loved a woman without fear,
loved her with all the fire of hell
burning inside me;
i loved a woman with open palms,
open legs,
rolling hips,
and no apology.

father, i have sinned,
for i have shunned your churches
and scorned your priests,
i have disgraced adam and eve
with my poisonous apple;
sweeter than your manna
and freer than your garden,
my own personal genesis.

father, i have sinned,
but you will not find me on my knees,
you will find me on my feet,
you will find my hand in hers;
i have loved her with defiance,
i have screamed from lips
that drip with love and lust:
i worship at her altar.

father, i have sinned,
and i do not ask forgiveness.

—  the only heaven i’ll be sent to is when i’m alone with you | a.e.m.

readess  asked:

What kind of church experience?

I just hadn’t been in a long time be AUs either have a lot of doubts and confusion. You know they preach about God being all forgiving and all loving but also want me to believe he’d condemn us to hell for our sins or that being gay means he hates you? They preach about loving one another but most churches are filled with hypocrites that are only there because they want the reward of heaven or fear the punishment of hell.

Well my aunt had me go today and I was listening to the lectures and gospel which spoke a lot about love. How God is present wherever there is love and we’re meant to love people where they are.

I kept talking to myself about how much I agreed with that which was why I felt so certain that being gay isn’t wrong. That loving someone can’t possibly be wrong. That surely not every church translates the scripture absolutely right.

Well when the eucharistic part came up, I wasn’t going to go because I hadn’t confessed in years. But my aunt assured me I’d be okay and encouraged me to go. As soon as I walked back, I just broke down into tears and spent the rest of church on my knees, praying, crying.

I felt a lot better about myself, about my beliefs, about what I was doing through my writing. I still don’t completely agree with the way things get lectured, but I believe I will be able to understand it for myself by simply reading and attending.

Hubris Will Be Your Downfall

i wANTED TO JOIN THE PRIEST VLAD PARTY!! im a little late but hey here we go

this is for the sinners @promsien @phantomtype and @tinyfiestyrosiekitten

Fandom: Danny Phantom

Pairings: none

Rating: S for Sacrilege

Warnings: uhm, nobody gets too particularly violent but still

Summary: Father Masters lived a righteous life; he never strayed and he never sinned. He was the purest priest he knew; upholding all the laws of the Lord despite his many trials in life. And oh was he tried. He was diligent in his faith and rigid in his beliefs. He would not be swayed by anything to fall down a path of sin. But you know what they say about priests. Appearances could be deceiving.

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“And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”

- Mark 11:25


Father, it is so hard to forgive. I get so angry…feel justified in my anger…feel the need to prove my point. I’m not sure why, really. When I think about all you’ve done for me, how much you’ve forgiven me, I honestly can’t say I have a right to be angry at all. More humbled than anything. Keep that always in front of me so that instead of seeing the thing that makes me angry, I see your grace and mercy and can extend it to others.