the Band AU relationships

all of these relationships are a secret from the press, unless stated otherwise, because the band marketing involves keeping the press guessing about who is dating who (also they think it’s super funny)

Twelve (frontman, lead vocals and guitar): 

  • is married to River
  • has had an on-again-off-again thing with Missy for several decades

Missy (keyboard and vocals): 

  • flirts with everyone 
  • has a turbulent thing with Twelve
  • has sex with Bill one time to make her feel better when she’s Sad about Heather
  • EDIT: occasionally annoys Clara into having sex with her

Bill (bass guitar and vocals):

  • the only monogamous one in the band, pretty much
  • sees Heather in the crowd and falls in love instantly, pines through the story before getting a happy ending on that front
  • has sex with Missy one time when she’s Sad

Nardole (drums): 

  • also flirts with everyone, and calls them “babe” and “babydoll”
  • has sex with some of the weirder fans from time to time
  • cuddles everyone and is the Mom Friend

River (solo international pop star): 

  • secretly married to Twelve
  • dating Helen Sinclair
  • sometimes gets it on with Helen’s girlfriend Liv too
  • let’s be honest, she probably also had a threesome with Twelve and Missy at some point, but it would be a rare occurrence

Clara (the band’s manager)

  • dating Ashildr (not a secret relationship)
  • EDIT: probably has sex with Missy sometimes when Missy gets especially annoying

Ashildr (opening solo act, acapella + recording pedal) 

  • dating Clara