heartwrenching

anonymous asked:

My heart still aches. I need time to heal. I need a day away from work. Probably a week. I blame Gillian for her A+ heartwrenching performance for this. I blame David for being her pillar of support when she needed it. I blame Glen Morgan for writing and directing such an episode. I NEED THE NEXT EPISODE FOR MY TREATMENT!

True. We need compensation for our emotional instability right now. Gillian’s performance was out of his world. We’ve seen just about all of her projects, and this ranks up there with most gut wrenching. And David played the perfect supporting role. It boosted her up without taking anything away. They work so well together. It’s amazing.

The Loneliest Whale in the World.

In 2004, The New York Times wrote an article about the loneliest whale in the world. Scientists have been tracking her since 1992 and they discovered the problem:

She isn’t like any other baleen whale. Unlike all other whales, she doesn’t have friends. She doesn’t have a family. She doesn’t belong to any tribe, pack or gang. She doesn’t have a lover. She never had one. Her songs come in groups of two to six calls, lasting for five to six seconds each. But her voice is unlike any other baleen whale. It is unique—while the rest of her kind communicate between 12 and 25hz, she sings at 52hz. You see, that’s precisely the problem. No other whales can hear her. Every one of her desperate calls to communicate remains unanswered. Each cry ignored. And, with every lonely song, she becomes sadder and more frustrated, her notes going deeper in despair as the years go by.

Just imagine that massive mammal, floating alone and singing—too big to connect with any of the beings it passes, feeling paradoxically small in the vast stretches of empty, open ocean.

THIS SONG IS A CURSE ....MORE LIKE 'THIS LOVE IS A CURSE' ...and Frank totally didn't have Gerard in mind when writing this...right? ...

Now, dear friends, let’s for a second forget that Frank’s song is to be used in a film and let’s realize it’s WHAT CAME OUT OF HIM, these are all HIS thoughts and his OUTLOOK on love and life and feelings …heartbreak…this comes from him. You know we can only write and speak about what we know and can relate to…. this is HIS LIFE. 

This is what happened to HIM…what HE felt/feels….what HE was/is going through…what HE can relate to…..

But okay, go on and tell yourself it’s actually the dog’s feelings, coz yea, that totally makes sense….

Or be a little real and have an actual look at the lyrics…. i would just point out few things even though the whole song is worth a deep thought….

-starting with the title: THIS SONG IS A CURSE …THIS LOVE IS A CURSE…

all alone now, nothing feels right

just find ways to cope with feelings that you

don’t understand, because no one really cares how

you feel just as long as you act how everyone

else expects you to act

-speaking about himself. just think back all those times when G and F needed to find a way to cope with feelingsa they clearly had for each other and they clearly did not understand at first…and they knew they had to cope…and they knew nobody cared how they in fact felt, as they acted how people expected them to- “nothing more than just really great, best friends and uh stage gay WITHOUT feelings, of course” …..well, here you see….just think of what all must ve been happening inside of them :(

but if i had my way, but if i had my way we would all be sorry

-we all know what Frank’s way would be…. he made it pretty clear he wanted Gerard….so so damn much….if he had his way though…. it could end up bad, with ppl not being all that accepting, this world not being all that accepting…everything falling apart….and then they’d all be sorry….though the pleading- he so wishes he could have his way :(

i’m trying to hold on to what i Love, 

and not mess up everything…

i mess up everything…

no one cares anyway

- Love, written with a capital “L” clearly means something way too special, or rather someone, why would you write ‘something what i love’ with a capital L if it was just a verb…no, here it clearly represents someone he loves….he’s trying to hold on to G, their rship…and trying hard not to mess everything up…and feels like he does….like he messes everything up…

And just like in all leathermouth songs…he feels like no one cares anyway….and that everybody hates him…and that he hates them all, too… let me just point out all that appeared in LM songs too……coincidence?

Anyway….. don’t mind me, and go on, think about the dog who’s just a DOG in a FILM and has no connection to Frank whatsoever and Frank doesn’t feel related to him in any way of course, no, even though his name’s FRANKenweenie….but yea…..this doesn’t really matter. Nothing does. 'No one really cares’ anyway…Frank would know.

PS   TO SUM UP WHY

|just find ways to cope with feelings that you

don’t understand, because no one really cares how

you feel just as long as you act how everyone

else expects you to act|

-to me this just seems like, probably the most telling and most important part of it….this just shows that Frank in fact still does have these moments when he feels that way, that they just have to act like everybody expects them to, they’re husbands and daddies now, and they’re supposed to behave a certain way and all’s totally not like it used to be once….like maybe in 2005 when they sat on eahc other’s laps, hugged tight, caressed a lot, spoke about each other in a way too romantic/sexual way and nothing mattered….but those times will never come again, they will never be able to be those boyfriends they feel like they are, they can be (and in my humble opinion totally are!!!) together, but they have to be really really subtle about it, they cannot afford to show too much like at the time….and i think it really wears Frank out coz while Gerard’s never been the honest one, Frank’s always been as sincere as he could in anything he did, i bet he feels terrible coz he sees how much of hypocrites they are now, hiding away, trying to be though they know they should know -what’s wrong and what’s right? on the other hand, what FEELS right? …and yet they have to hide and run away…. One can tell Frank feels terrible for G+F being that way these days.

I also think that’s why he actually made that post, on the official MCR site the way he made it…..he was SOOO SO DAMN OBVIOUS speaking of ONLY Gerard and practically telling the world MCR break or hiatus or whatever was because of the two of them and coz of the shit they had to work out and telling the world G was the one to call him up and they told each other they missed each other and through all the shits and good and bad and all that THEY STILL wanna do that…be together….. and i think that’s also why they’re releasing the songs now…..(yea there might be other different reasons too, what do i know) though it also seems to me that F can’t really stand the lying and pretending they’re nothing and Gerard needs Frank and the one thing he’s learned over the years is that he cannot really live without Frank so he -whether he liked it or not (personally think he DID NOT like it!) he finally agreed on doing that is it made Frank feel better…..he must see how much it wears Frank out, all that…. Gerard can go on like this, Gerard might (and might not,hmmm) be a closeted gay, he keeps lying to himself, he’s in a self denial, and as Frank says, yea, he kinda is full of shit sometimes so yea, Gerard can do that, Gerard can pretend.

But Frank can’t….and it’s started to show….we can only guess, wait and see how this all will continue…

I just know that what happens to and what’s Frank and Grard’s reality JUST ISN’T FAIR. Everyone should be able to be with the one they love and not to be afraid of being absolutely rejected by the world for just love…. 

April 15, 2010: Asking for Directions, Linda Gregg

Asking for Directions
Linda Gregg

We could have been mistaken for a married couple
riding on the train from Manhattan to Chicago
that last time we were together. I remember
looking out the window and praising the beauty
of the ordinary: the in-between places, the world
with its back turned to us, the small neglected
stations of our history. I slept across your
chest and stomach without asking permission
because they were the last hours. There was
a smell to the sheepskin lining of your new
Chinese vest that I didn’t recognize. I felt
it deliberately. I woke early and asked you
to come with me for coffee. You said, sleep more,
and I said we only had one hour and you came.
We didn’t say much after that. In the station,
you took your things and handed me the vest,
then left as we had planned. So you would have
ten minutes to meet your family and leave.
I stood by the seat dazed by exhaustion
and the absoluteness of the end, so still I was
aware of myself breathing. I put on the vest
and my coat, got my bag and, turning, saw you
through the dirty window standing outside looking
up at me. We looked at each other without any
expression at all. Invisible, unnoticed, still.
That moment is what I will tell of as proof
that you loved me permanently. After that I was
a woman alone carrying her bag, asking a worker
which direction to walk to find a taxi.

==

[Linda Gregg used to be married to the poet Jack Gilbert, whose work you can find in the archives, and there are a lot of similarities in their writing styles.  Here are some more of her poems:

Marriage and Midsummer’s Night
Marfa]

On this day in…

2009: A Blessing, James Wright
2008: New York, New York, David Berman
2007: Waste Land Limericks, Wendy Cope
2006: There Are Two Worlds, Larry Levis
2005: America, Allen Ginsberg