prompt for adam's bday: the first time ronan tells adam he loves him and adam getting very emotional
The thing is, it shouldn’t have come as a surprise.
It isn’t as though Adam doesn’t know how Ronan feels. He’d known from the start, long before he knew if he felt the same (but really, how was he meant to know? How do you define something you’ve never experienced?).
When Ronan had kissed him the first time – soft brush of lips against his, once, twice, stopping time, making him feel full of blinding white light, short-circuiting the fine-tuned machine that was Adam Parrish – Adam had known.
When Adam had finally returned the kiss, his heart hammering in his throat as he pushed Ronan up against the porch railing, drinking him in so deep he thought he’d never need to breathe again, he’d known.
And of course he had, because there was no other option. Ronan Lynch was not, would never be, something to experiment with. Adam knew he could not try him on for size and claim ignorance later. The mere thought was anathema.
No, Adam had walked into love with Ronan with his eyes wide open, as deliberate as when he’d bargained himself to Cabeswater, but this time, fully aware of what he was signing up for. He knew it was not a game; he was not playing. He knew that there were no half-measures with Ronan Lynch, with the intricate paradox and miracle that he was. He knew that Ronan gave his heart away completely or not at all, and that when he did it, it was for good. Adam wasn’t always sure if he was worthy of it, but he was always sure he wanted to be. Ronan was a challenge Adam had never backed away from.
So, yeah. Adam knows. They just haven’t talked about it, because neither of them are very good at the talking thing, and because while Adam doesn’t doubt that he reciprocates the feeling – if he had, he would never have kissed Ronan back, despite what Gansey might think – it’s a different thing altogether to say it out loud. Of the two of them, Ronan is the poet, as profane as his verses tend to be. Adam doesn’t know how to put words to something as beautiful as what he feels – it is enough to feel it. He doesn’t want to make things ugly, so he keeps quiet, and Ronan keeps quiet, almost as if by unspoken agreement. Until now, that is.