hearts for hearts dolls

I
The day you first smiled at me,
you were eleven and I was twelve
and she didn’t hit me back home.
Little fairy, you have always fulfilled
my deepest wishes.

II
When you called me your friend,
you were dressed in purple
and my stomach didn’t hurt as we danced.
I wondered if I should have kissed you then,
but you were happy with him
and that was enough.


III
I dried your tears because I cared.
Believe me,
I tried to protect you from him after
I noticed I didn’t liked seeing you hurt.
If I could, I’d go back and tell you the truth
since the begining,
I’d do it in a heartbeat.


IV
My jacket suits you better than his arms,
and your lips will always be my favorite flavour.
It hurt me, too.
But I will never touch you unless you want me too,
I will always be whatever you need me to.
As long as you are okay, I’ll be that.


V
I did saw you.
You looked so beautiful when I made that joke,
and your touch stayed with me for months,
just like your birthday kiss
and the sensation of your palm touching mine.


VI
I also know I looked bad,
know that I felt bad  and couldn’t care less.
But when the summer came,
and you were here,
I cared.
That was me, being better for me,
because of you
for the first time.


VII
Kissing you that day was a stellar moment in my life,
following you around and beyond a first.
It felt like the last, too.
And the only one. 
For me, it still feels that way.


VIII
I would call you mine everyday,
I would call you my sun,
my stars and my moon,
everything and anything, you.
You have no idea how many times I did it when you weren’t there,
just to make it clear to them,
I wasn’t letting you go anywhere anytime soon.


IX
There’s times when I laugh
remembering my fear and reaction to your words.
Sometimes I forget we were both kids
and that you have never shied away from love.
But you loved me,
not him or someone else,
me.
Suddenly,
everyting else didn’t matter.


X
Having you in my arms
will always be my favorite position to sleep.
Your heart beating against my touch,
your breathing matching mine,
your dreams becoming ours.
Best moment of my day.


XI
What I did still matters to me,
everything felt like changing after
and you never looked at me the same way.
I mean it, and I still do:
I love you,
I do,
I will always love you,
and I will always be sorry about that.


XII
I’m sorry.
       I’m sorry.
              I’m sorry.
                      I’m sorry.
                             I’m sorry.
                                    I’m sorry.
                                           I’m sorry.


XIII
You are never coming back,
don’t you?
I love you still,
I will succumb to the infinity of it.


XIV
I’m sorry.

—  love story. // jackie on my mind. nc.