heartbreaking

Young man had sign saying, “free hugs”, at a Portland Ferguson rally. This cop took him up on the offer.

This child is moved to tears from being shown kindness by a cop. That means that this boy did not expect to be shown this simple kindness by someone that has sworn to protect and serve him. Someone that he is supposed to trust. 

Know that when I said I loved you, I meant it. Know that no matter how fucked up we both got, I never would’ve stopped trying to fix what was already broken. I wanted it to be you. I wanted it to be us.
—  May 27, 2014. To him.
Learning to be okay without him is weird.
I swear I’ll be fine for weeks,
but one morning I’ll wake up
and my heart feels heavy for no reason at all
And I feel like I lost him all over again.
It’s just hard, you know?
Thinking you’re making all this progress only for it to be ruined when you see someone else brush their hair out of their eyes the same way he used to.
One little thing, and bam-
You start thinking that you’ll never be able to live without hearing his laugh ever again.
—  I’m okay, but I’m not really okay
I’m so sorry I loved you for so long. I’m so sorry I kept trying to hold onto you when it was obvious that you didn’t want me in your life anymore. All you wanted was to be set free and I think I have finally learned to let you go. Not because I want to, but because you’re happy without me. And all I ever wanted was to make you happy.

How to destroy yourself:

Fall in love with him. Fall in love with the way he walks. Fall in love with the way his eyes change from green to grey in the summertime. Fall in love with the way he brushes his hair out of his eyes when he’s nervous. Fall in love with his sweaty palms. Fall in love with the way he looks at you. Fall in love with the way he whispers your name. Fall in love with the taste of his mouth. Of his skin. Of his hair. Fall in love with his bony chest and the scar he got on his stomach when he was seventeen. Fall in love with the way he tells you that you remind him of his sister. Fall in love with the sadness in his eyes when he’s broken, and how they can only be brought back to life when you kiss him. Fall in love with his laughter. Laughing with him. Hearing him happy. Fall in love with the sound of him listening to you. Fall in love with the love in his eyes when he watches you gaze out the window during long car rides. Fall in love with the way he entangles his fingers into your hair. Fall in love with his voice in the morning. Fall in love with the way he can’t fall asleep without making sure you know how much he loves you.


Start to recognize the change of tone in his voice when he says goodnight. Watch him divert his eyes to the floor when he’s talking to you instead of looking in your eyes. Notice how he stops paying any interest to your dreams. Wonder what you did wrong. Realize that there was nothing you could’ve done to prevent this from happening anyway. Cry. Miss him. Cry again. Fall asleep shaking. Beg for him back. Listen to his voicemails 13 times in an attempt to remember what his voice sounded like. Fall asleep inside cold sheets where he used to keep you warm. See him on the boardwalk holding a pretty blonde girl’s hand. Realize it’s really over. Realize he hasn’t thought about holding you since the night he said he’ll “always love you, but he just doesn’t want to do this anymore.” Miss him like hell. Fall apart in the middle of a crowded room. Wake up with tears stained onto your cheeks. Miss him again. Repeat.

He will decide to stop loving you.
When he does, do not let him see your tears.
Don’t fall apart in front of him; act as if you are unaffected.
Leave quietly, carefully, without looking back.
Listen, baby, it’s going to hurt,
and you’re going to cry yourself to sleep for months.
Your chest will feel like it’s caving in, God, it’ll hurt.
Pick yourself up and keep going. Love like you have never been hurt.
—  When he leaves 
I swore I wouldn’t let a person define my happiness, but fuck..
—  1:28am

When I was seventeen I fell in love with a boy and his lips and the way they felt against mine mixed with cold winter air.
I thought I had found him.
I loved him so much, baby. I swore he was the only one for me.
He was an addiction. I never knew what love felt like until I saw the way he looked at me in the middle of a crowded room.
He was everything, baby. I would’ve died to see him smile. And if I’m being honest.. To this day, his laugh is still the most beautiful sound I have ever heard.
He left, and I spent months choking up every “I love you” that ever escaped his lips. He ruined every happy song and every sad song. He consumed me, and the loss of him shook me to the core.
I felt the loss deep in my soul and I swore to God I’d never be okay again, not without him.
I didn’t want to love if it wasn’t him.
I spent days in bed and I read every single sad poem I could possibly read and cried and cried and cried into my mothers arms. And slowly, I learned.

But baby, heartbreak happens. And it fades. I’m telling you this because I know.
It will be okay.

Cry when he leaves.
Cry when you see him with another girl a week after he said, “I don’t love you anymore.” You are not weak.
Stay home from school and crawl into my arms. I will be here forever, I promise you this.
Scream if you need to. Let’s burn his sweatshirt in the backyard.
Baby, you will love again.
You’re bruised, you are never broken.
I know how much this hurts.
I’m so proud of you.

—  The letter I’ll give to my daughter when her first love breaks her heart
And so, you just do it.
You get up, and you say to yourself,
“I don’t care if my heart is bleeding. I don’t care if thinking of him touching someone else’s skin hurts so bad that some days I can’t even form sentences. I’m not going to let this ruin my life anymore.”
And just like that, you move on.
You get out of bed. You look in the mirror and whisper his name until it doesn’t mean anything anymore as it rolls off your tongue.
You wear his favorite dress and you accept that compliment from another man in the grocery store.
You get in the shower and feel his fingerprints rinse from your skin.
You lick your lips without tasting his mouth.

And baby, you move on with your life.
It will take a long time. Don’t expect to wake up one morning and never think of him again.
You’ll move on, but there will be days you still miss him.
And that’s okay, love. Some days will hurt more than others.
But you live.
You visit beautiful places, and you meet beautiful people, and you live.
You learn that he isn’t the end of everything.
You learn to be happy on your own.
And God, it is beautiful.
—  God, it is beautiful

A Recently Destroyed 7th* Century BC Assyrian Statue,  Photo c. 1850

:(  Unfortunately, by now I’m sure most of you have heard the heartbreaking news that this statue and many others at the Mosul Museum fell victim to the deplorable practice of iconoclasm by the Islamic State this week.

This photo is from the mid-19th century excavation of the colossal statues at the Nergal Gate of the ancient city of Nineveh. This statue was one of two winged bull-men (aka lamassu ) that guarded one of several entrances to Nineveh dated to the time of King Sennacherib*. Named for the Mesopotamian god Nergal, the gate was possibly used for ceremonial purposes since it is the only known gate flanked by stone sculptures of winged bull-men, which were believed to be protective deities. 

*Some news sources (e.g. BBC,  and Al Jazeera) are dating these statues to the 9th century BC whereas others say the 7th century BC (e.g. CBS,  ABC). I am not certain which is correct.

i can’t believe you have fallen out of love with me so easily

how have you forgotten?

remember that one winter night, drinking tea on your front porch after our first date? it was late and we were sleepy but our hearts were wide awake. i knew i had found something so special that night.

remember holding hands underneath the table at dinner? not because we wanted to show off our love to everyone, but simply because we wanted to be as close as possible to each other? we just needed to be touching, in the most innocent sense.

remember the night we sat by the lake? i held you while you cried. i was the first person who ever saw you cry, remember? remember when i told you i would never leave, that i was in it for the long run? i would’ve kept that promise forever if it was up to me.

remember the first time i let you touch me? i was so nervous i nearly cried but you kissed every inch of my body and made it all go away. you never asked anything of me. you only wanted to show me how much you loved me.

remember the phone calls? i don’t even remember what we talked about.. but i guess we never needed to talk. i just needed to know that you were on the other end of the phone. i needed to fall asleep to your breathing.

remember the way we used to look at each other? god, please, if you forget every memory we’ve ever shared… please don’t forget the way we used to look at each other. you never needed to tell me you loved me. all you had to do was look at me. i felt it radiate through my body.

i’m sorry we didn’t last. i’m sorry you couldn’t stay. i thought we’d have more time because god, were you good at pretending you’d be able to love me forever.

—  i think i’ll miss you every day