heartache writing

I never stop
caring about
You’re just
too busy
someone else
that you never
every little
thing I did
for you.
I hope that at night your haunted by the ghost of what we could have been. I hope one morning you wake up with a twinge of regret that maybe, just maybe you made the wrong decision. I hope that when you think of all the hurt and pain you’ve caused me you feel guilty and I hope that you regret what you done. I have to move on, I don’t get a choice because you already made up your mind for us but I hope that one day you realise that you made the wrong choice.
—  I hope that wherever you lay at night you sometimes think of me.
You don’t love him anymore but sometimes when you look at the sky it seems to be the same shade of blue as his eyes. You don’t love him anymore but sometimes when you’re driving alone in your car, switching the radio stations and you hear the song you two used to always sing together, you get this overwhelming ache deep in your chest. You don’t love him anymore but sometimes you catch a glimpse of him laughing and a knot forms in your throat because it used to be your favorite sound. You don’t love him anymore but sometimes you catch yourself thinking about him and all the memories you two made together. You don’t love him anymore but sometimes when you drink so much that you can’t even remember your name, you remember his. You remember the way he held you, the way he kissed you, the way he made you feel special. You don’t love him anymore but sometimes you drive through stop signs because it hurts too much to stop at one, especially the one where he took your hand, looked into your eyes and told you he loved you for the first time. You don’t love him anymore but sometimes when you’re in class, or in bed, or watching a movie, or listening to music, it hits you that he’s gone and you cry and cry but you swear you don’t love him anymore.
—  ( 8:20 )
And the next time you look at the stars in the sky, remember the people who have loved you,and not the ones who didn’t.
Well, you’ll break his heart and he’ll break yours. But you won’t forget each other, even if one day you walk past him and neither of you acknowledges it. That’s the thing about first loves, you never forget them, they are the only person who gets your whole untouched heart. They get all the love you’ve saved up for this moment and they get to keep it forever. You may never speak again but you can guarantee that you can still picture his eyes looking into yours as he said those three words, the way he kissed you afterwards and couldn’t stop repeating those words over and over until you were both too tired to speak. However you’ll also always remember the last time he said those three words, and told you that he was going to come back for you, the way he made you believe that a happy ending did exist for both of you. Those memories will come back to you in waves, all the firsts and all the lasts, the good and the bad, but what’s important is the fact that your first love is just that, the first but not the last.
—  from me to you


But if I could name this feeling, I’d call it
the road home is longer than it looks.
I’d call it, plane tickets and loose change
are caught in my throat.
I’d call it, screaming skin and my heart
taming its wilderness in you.

The first time I slept in his bed,
he asked me if I liked the smell of lavender.

I do now.

And if I could name this feeling, I’d call it
memories of my week with you.
I’d call it, asking the cards ‘what the hell am I supposed to do
with these now?’
I’d call it, there isn’t an answer, only sore lungs
soaking up an aching heart.

The first time I slept in his bed,
he told me the distance between us might be louder
than anything we have to offer.

So I wrote this poem in his sheets 
and it isn’t going to silence my skin
or bring my heart back

but it will put my hopes out into the universe that one day
we will wake up to the smell of lavender
in a town we both call home.

—  Alessia Di Cesare, The First Time I Slept In His Bed
you’ll miss her when she’s gone,
you’ll need her when she’s not yours, and it’s tragic that;
at that moment,she won’t love you at all.
You said you weren’t like the rest but you turned out to be exactly like them, and I guess that’s what hurts the most.
I saw you
smiling at her
as if she gave you
a world you’ve
been hoping to have,
and for the first time
I know how it feels
to drown even if
I’m out of the ocean.
—  ma.c.a // I Find It Hard To Breathe
Your heart will fix itself. It’s your mind you need to worry about. Your mind where you locked the memories, your mind where you have kept pieces of the ones that hurt you, that still cut through you like shards of glass. Your mind will keep you up at night, make you cry, destroy you over and over again. You need to convince your mind that it has to let go…because your heart already knows how to heal.
—  Nikita Gill

“I want you, don’t you fucking get it. I want you on your good days and your bad days. I want you when you’re being a pain in the ass or you’re to busy. I want you when you’re sick, or when you’re feeling amazing. I want you even if you fuck up. Can’t you see that? Can’t you see that I unconditionally want you? I’ve wanted you everyday for the last year. Even when you broke my heart and hurt me. Even when I can’t have you I want you. I could have so many other people, but I just want you. I want you, and I want you to want me back,” she said as tears build up in her eyes.

-I want you, but I’m afraid you don’t want me

Promise me that if he can’t love you right you’ll leave. No matter how many times he’s promised to change things please remember that he’s broken every single one of those promises. He may say that he loves you, he may tell you that you are the most beautiful girl in the world but you were beautiful before he told you so and you have been and always will be loved by so many people. Don’t stay with him because he tells you everything you want to hear, don’t stay with him because you’re afraid that you’ll never find anyone else, don’t stay with him if he can’t love you the way you deserved to be loved because I can guarantee you that you’ll find someone who will.
—  I fell in love with a boy who couldn’t love me and it destroyed me.