The thing that terrifies me most about getting over you is how I do not think I ever truly will.

In a few months when I have healed a little,
maybe I will be able to go days without thinking about you
and even start dating again without picturing your face each time. 
I love you so much that I am always going to drop everything if you decide that you want to give things a go.

My heart is not stupid;
it’s never going to be able to move on from you 
because it knows that the connection we have is a once in a lifetime thing and that some are never lucky enough to find it.

So tell me, if you are all I am ever going to want,
what am I supposed to do?

—  24th July 2017// 22:54 p.m. 
At some point you’re gonna have to choose who you love the most. Them or yourself.
—  Excerpt from a book I’ll never write #13 // a.s

People will hold and admire roses so much, they don’t ever realize they’re bleeding from the thorns.

They’re so in love with something that they can’t let go, even when they’re getting hurt.

—  excerpt from a book I’ll never write #44 // @loveactivist
Why do I still care when it’s obvious that you don’t.
—  Day 185
What if someone who is so constant suddenly disappears out of your life? Maybe that’s why, I don’t like getting attached. I don’t like the idea of giving someone the power to destroy my heart by choosing to walk away. I want to guard my heart. I want to save myself.

you don’t stop
loving someone
just because
you don’t talk
to each other
anymore.

you don’t start
hating someone
just because
things got tough
or wasn’t all
sunshine and
butterflies
the whole time.

sometimes
things work out,
sometimes
they don’t,

sometimes shit
just happens,
and that’s okay.

love is really,
fucking complicated
guys.
but go with it
when you find it
anyways.

you might
get lucky
or you might not,
but either way
you can say you
tried and learned.

and that’s
important
too.

—  trying to learn from what happened (6/21/17), thekaijusleeps

“When a heart breaks, what sound does it make?”

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. There is a silence, because when a heart breaks, the person becomes the definition of emptiness. Even when their world crumbles and falls apart in their hands, it is silent. There’s a cruel realization in heartbreak, and it’s that you know you’re about to live where the sun no longer shines; where you can’t even see that your clouds have gone to grey.

—  excerpt from a book I’ll never write #41 // @loveactivist
I wonder if you look at me and feel all the crazy things I feel when I look at you.
—  Tenari Ioapo // Or do you look at me and feel nothing at all because you’re only in love with the idea of me?
After meeting you I just don’t think there will be any other. A part of me will never be whole again. I picked up your habits, good and bad. Phrases you said became a part of me and I find myself using them in sentences. I memorized the lyrics of all your favorite songs and I catch myself singing them randomly. I smell of your scent every once in a while and I cannot help but wonder where you are, and if you are thinking of me as well. I close my eyes and all I see is you. You are in every part of me, consuming me.

“I hope you’re still going to be there when I’m ready.” he said.

And in her mind she asked, “What if that time will never come? What if he’ll never be ready? Am I going to wait forever?”

But in her heart she knew. That she’ll still wait for him even if it means being taken for granted.
—  ma.c.a // Why can’t I say no to you?
i tore down the walls of my heart for you because i thought you wanted to come in, but all you did was linger outside only to leave in the end.
—  and now i’m left trying to rebuild it all over again.

Aries: your tears are so hot and your cheeks are flushed, you hide your face in your hands and you cry to all ends. I know you miss them, they made you feel like your heart was beating in your chest. But you were alive long before you knew you were, just as you were loved long before you believe you are.

Taurus: You made a rose garden with them. You each had your own, but yours were real and theirs was plastic. They kept tending them but it missed your loving touch, how could they screw you over? Love I don’t know. The universe isn’t fair; how can it be so cruel to something so precious?

Gemini: You used to talk to me, about politics and poetry. You used to tell me stories, about magic and all things pretty. You always told the story of you and them, you said it was the most beautiful one. The pen could never describe your pain, we’re in vain. Their lack of empathy to blame, you’re killing your brain. Your thoughts are violent and I know you can’t hide it.

Cancer: They said they were scared of you leaving, little did they know about how you wrote poems about their touch. How you stayed up just to talk to them, and complimented them everyday to make them feel like the world. Now you’re just another stripe on their wall, a number. It’s ironic, really. They take all your pieces one by one and then ask you why you’re empty.

Leo: They took your hand and walked with you through nights of blanched white stars and dark blue skies, you never liked boating until they took you on a cruise but they drowned you with the anchor of the ship. Now you’re a castaway on an island, you’re so isolated. What happened to your people spirit, did it go down with the anchor?

Virgo: You trusted them, you never believed in fairytales but goddamnit they were your Prince Charming. I’m so sorry they lied to you, happy endings were a religion to you but they didn’t believe in your God. I’m sorry that tears are your only remedy and everything hurts. I’m sorry that the midnight air burns on the places they’ve touched and that you don’t want to wake up in the morning anymore.

Libra: They were your favorite song, the one you kept on repeat when you were a teen. They were your high school sweetheart, they made you feel alive. They kissed your eyelids and looked at you with adoration, their back pocket held knifes you’d never seen. The silhouette you see in the dark frightens you. And you said “I don’t think people understand brokenness until they experience it, you keep getting stabbed with the broken pieces they made and it’s like a slap of nostalgia.”

Scorpio: You flinched from my touch, hid away in the dark. Little water sign with a shattered heart and atrocious eyes; I’m sorry that your trust has been crumpled like your thousands of papers in the wind. You told me you’d never love or trust anyone again.

Sagittarius: You ran to the edge the world and drowned in seas of sadness, you went over heartbreak hills and lied in beaches with suns burning your face, when you came back you were even more empty than when you left. Your eyes look so much more dull.

Capricorn: There was something enchanting about the way their eyes made your light up and their touch made you smile so broadly, now that they’re gone you’ve gone in a zone of workaholic mode. Anything to keep you busy. Anything to keep you from thinking of them.

Aquarius: You threw away your independence for them, took care of them when they were sick and tangled your hands in their bushy hair. They were your everything, your own world map with compass saying “Go find yourself.” Where are you? You’ve lost yourself.

Pisces: The smoke from weed lingers in your home, your bed hasn’t been made in two weeks. Vodka bottles lie on the floor. You haven’t washed your hair in all of these weeks, you didn’t leave your bad. You listen to their favorite band, I told you to get outside and you said that the only oxygen you had left, abandoned your lungs. They were oxygen, they were toxic.

—  Heartbreak