at the end of the day,
you’re still the
very last thing
that comes to mind.

you were the sun,
shimmering and
dancing in light,
over the tumultuous
tide of the deepest
waters of my being.

burning me,
extinguished
by me,
a cycle of
starts and finishes,
fires and steam,
always together
but always apart.

but I hope that the
fire you once lit
inside of me
never dies,

like I hope that the
flame that ignites
you is never
smothered out.

shine brightly
my love,
no matter
where you go
or what you do.

and maybe one day,
in another time and place,
where the sunlight
touches the sea,
we can burn
away together,
till the end
of time.

—  don’t let your fire burn out(5/23/17), thekaijusleeps
No one wants to hear about
the less glorious side of heartache—
when it’s more than just heartache.

When the only thing you can count as groceries
is $8 ice cream and sugar shit because health
isn’t really something to worry about anymore.

When the obsessive compulsion to check
three different social media sites every
three seconds turns into hours.

When coming home to Netflix is the only way
to forget that life isn’t like the romantic comedies
where it all works out in the end.

When the only one you think can fix you
is the one who broke you.

When sleep doesn’t come until 3am
no matter how bright it is
when you sink into bed.

When thinking about death doesn’t feel that scary anymore.

Just get through it just get through it just get through it just get through it
becomes a daily mantra.

And you know it will get better eventually—
but what if eventually never comes?
—  23/05/17
Stone, String, Flesh

some days, my heart sings.

some days, my heart whimpers.

today, she told me, no,
you will never be good enough,
i will never forgive you,
and you can’t possibly know
how much pain you have caused me.
but there is too much pain and blame to go around,
too much for our hearts,
be they stone or string or flesh.

i want to whimper and whither
under the blitzkrieg of her words,
but something stirs in the ashes.
my heart, the proverbial phoenix,
rises with a new song,
soft and hopeful.

we can’t retrace our steps;
we can only plunge onward.
my heart and i, we will dry our tears,
we will tend our wounds,
and we will entrust ourselves
to other Words.

today, we will sing.

~ rae (aposematic lipstick)

Isn’t it a little strange that every wrong we have ever had in our lives, even every right, can somehow be cracked down to communication or lack thereof? You and your significant other split because 6 months ago they stopped listening quite as closely and it made you mad but you never said anything and it just snowballed. You and a friend stopped talking because they stopped reaching out to you and you decided it wasn’t your turn to reach out anymore but instead of addressing it you just lost the friend. You and someone you almost dated never actually got together because neither person would bite the tension and just say something, anything. It’s crazy because so many of these things happen so often and we cry and we lock ourselves in our rooms for days on end, too sad to think, too upset and obsessed with where things went wrong to actually face the fact that if you had just spoken up, things now could be completely different. I think it’s time to start speaking up, catching problems before they go too far, parting earlier because you choose to face it rather than wait until you can’t take it anymore. I think it’s time to start choosing to be fearless and realizing you only get this one life to get everything you can out of it. I think it’s time we all start living.
People get drunk. They kiss the wrong people. And pretend to be okay. People will do anything to distract their heart. They will do anything to distract it from missing someone.
She laughed so hard—
so happy and loud
as she sprinkled
rainbow vibes
around,
and yet only
the moon
witnessed
all her
silent cries—
whenever
her heart
felt lonely
at night.
—  ma.c.a // Under the Stars
At some point you’re gonna have to choose who you love the most. Them or yourself.
—  Excerpt from a book I’ll never write #13 // a.s

They say if you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it’s yours.

Well I’ve been coming back to you every single time, but you still insist on letting me go.

—  excerpt from a book I’ll never write #28 // @loveactivist
I hope that someday, somebody wants to hold you for twenty minutes straight, and that’s all they do. They don’t pull away. They don’t look at your face. They don’t try to kiss you. All they do is wrap you up in their arms, without an ounce of selfishness in it.
And I hope to find you,
sitting in a coffee shop,
to where I’ll go,
I hope to see you
walking across
the streets,
while my paces
match yours,
I hope to hear you laugh,
from the corner
of a restaurant
where I’ll have
my favorite dinner,
I hope to look at you
directly in the eyes,
while I say
these words of mine,
I hope you would know,
how much I crave
for your presence,
that even if
it’s impossible,
I still look for you
in a midst
of a crowd.
—  ma.c.a // I hope You’ll Look Back At Me