heart in a tree

A kiss never forgotten

*Chap 1: A drunken night*

*Chap 2: A blurred night*

*Chap 3: The bath house*

*Chap 4: A Thousand pieces*

*Chap 5: Heart beat*

*Chap 6: Surprise*

*Chap 7: Sunsets, trees and you*

*Chap 8: What now?*

*Chap 9: Healing the unfixable*

*Chap 10: So, this is it?*

*Chap 11: What now?*

Chap 12: Kids and kisses

Naruto was anxious, his breathe unsteady. This would be the first time seeing his kids since the official break up, and from what Hinata had said on the phone both of them had no intention of speaking with him or Hinata. Naruto wasn’t sure how to handle a situation like this, he was as confused as they were. On top of all this commotion, Sasuke had been out on a mission for a couple days and Naruto was missing his warmth and snickering smile.

Naruto looked towards the desk in his room were his hokage cloak hanged cleaned and untouched. Kakashi had agreed to fill in for Naruto until he was back on his feet, with Shikamaru also helping him Naruto knew the village was in safe hands. He didn’t like taking time off; to be Hokage means to fully devote yourself to the protection of the people. But he just didn’t have it in him, his energy felt drained and his heart felt enormously heavy in his chest.

He knew his kids were going to be an issue, on top of that, he was unsure when to announce that fact that he was dating Sasuke, well actually was he? Neither of them had talked about it yet, they just drunkenly confessed their bottled love for each other. But Sasuke nor Naruto had yet said the ‘boyfriend’ or ‘dating’ word, which made Naruto extremely frantic and scared that Sasuke could leave and expect Naruto to have known it was casual from the beginning.

Naruto let the thought slide into the back of his mind, right now his kids were his priority, then Konoha and lastly Sasuke. He couldn’t let that dark haired, extremely handsome, eyes made of dark gold that could consume you in one glance…”God dammit Naruto. GET YOUR SELF TOGETHER! This is no time to be thinking about Sasuke.”

With a quick lecture to himself, he was out the door and off to see his children for the first time. He was determined to make them understand that this changed nothing, that Naruto would be the father they needed. He stepped outside to be greeted with a cool gentle breeze, a refreshing start to his morning. The trees rustles in the distance as the wind brushed fallen leaves across his feet. Naruto took in a deep breathe, ready to take on the day.

-

Naruto sees a door he is all too familiar with. That door was considered the entry to his home for years, and now he was a stranger to this door which left his chest feeling heavy. As much as Naruto was happy in the choice to call it quits with Hinata, he missed coming home to his children a great deal. He only wished with time, that he could start a new family, one that could include all those he cared about.

Naruto started pondering this dream of having a big family with Sasuke. Having Boruto, Himawari and Sarada all in the same house hold with Hinata and Sakura also being a part of this family, and being happy for Sasuke and Naruto. But dreams are not reality and Naruto surely knew that.

Naruto knocked on the door. The handle swiftly turned to reveal a house which he could no longer could call home. “Hinata, how have you been?” “I have been okay Naruto, but it’s been very hard on the kids. They refuse to eat or come out of their rooms, I don’t know what to do. They barely want to talk to me, and they refuse to go with you next week. I am so torn Naruto, I knew it would be hard, but… not like this.” Tears started to fall down Hinata’s cheeks, automatically Naruto went to hug her and tend to her tears. As he wiped away the last tear Naruto realised he was hugging Hinata, he wasn’t sure if Hinata would want them to be so close after being divorced for nearly a week.

“Hinata, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to invade your space.” “No Naruto, it’s okay. Thank you. I do care for you Naruto and no mater our divorce, I will always wish for your happiness. So being civil and generally caring for each other, is the way I wish we could be.” “We can be like that Hinata, that’s what I have been thinking as well. I just wished that we can be one big happy extended family at the end of the day.”

Naruto held his tongue before he could slip in the part of adding Sasuke, Sarada and Sakura to the addition. He took off his shoes and walked into the room that filled him with familiar scents, a smell he didn’t realised he missed till that moment.

Naruto patted Hinata on the shoulder assuring her with silent words that this would be okay. He let himself take in a deep breath giving him enough courage to walk upstairs and enter the games room.

-

Naruto opened the door slowly and quietly. He stepped inside without a word. Steadily he knelt all the way down the ground. By this moment both Himawari and Boruto had noticed his presence. Both children stayed in their place far away from Naruto. As Naruto started kneeling down, Himarwi and Boruto’s expressions grew more confused. Mixed emotions surfaced both of their faces, but Boruto showed more signs of anger. “Kids, I want you to listen. Don’t interrupt me until I am done. Got it?”

Both kids unwillingly replied with a stubborn “hmph” with forced nods of approval to allow Naruto his time to speak. Naruto had a small smile of gratitude, but also didn’t lower his ‘dad’ figure just yet. “Kids, I want you to know that me and mum did not do this to hurt you, we love you more than words can describe. We are doing this for our happiness, both of us have been extremely unhappy and have tried our best to make this work. I want you know that me and mum are still friends, we are happy in our choice, and I know this will take time to understand but we hope you guys can help make this easier for me and mum.” Naruto looked into both of their eyes for moment. Sadness filled the air, but there was an under-layer of understanding.

“We love you, and we will try to make you two happy separately. I know as well I haven’t been the best dad, but I plan on spending a lot more time with both of you, I want to make sure I don’t make the same mistakes as many fathers have in the past, which is concentrating so much on my job and not having any time for my kids.” Naruto started to tear up, something he rarely did in front of his children. Both Boruto and Himawari were shocked by the scene that played before them. Himawari was the first to jump up and run to her crying father.

Himawari embraced every inch of Naruto, letting her tears fall onto her arm as she attempted to squeeze harder. 1 minute later Boruto walked towards Naruto, looked him in the eye and smiled. “Dad, I promise I will surpass you and make you proud, no matter what. I will be the best ninja their ever was, and this isn’t going to stop me, just you watch!” Naruto let out a small chuckle. Boruto jumped into the pile of mushy hugs and tears, until time had seemed to slip away.

-

By the time Naruto left his old home, he felt bitter sweet. Progressed had been made and both of the kids had seemed to simmer down. He managed to get them to eat dinner and agree to try and make this work. Hinata seemed ecstatic over the progress and Himawari and Boruto ended up apologizing and smothering Hinata in hugs for a solid 20 minutes. Naruto was glad he left on a positive note, but what rang clear in his head was the fact that he was leaving. That sinking feeling hit him hard, and the realism that he was no longer part of that house and part of the picture was the thing that caused knives to dive into his heart and make him feel utterly powerless. As much as things with Hinata were never well off, Naruto valued family, he loved the idea of family. Seeming as he never had one when he was young, he loved to believe he could create a loving happy family. To see it fade away after years was as disheartening as having to leave after dinner to his separate home.

Naruto was sure that one day he would achieve that paradise he was looking for. A place were all his happy places finally met. “Heaven.” The only word that rang in Naruto’s mind for the next ten minutes was heaven. A place Naruto is sure he still hasn’t seen and he feared how his heart would cope if he was ever so lucky to be taken there.

-

Naruto walked to his home, which was some bland space he was renting out for the mean time. The room had no life or colour to it, the walls were painting grey and most of the furniture was either a dull black or grey to match the walls. Every time he stepped inside he felt his heart sink a little bit more. He was so desperately happy sitting on a table eating dinner with his children, he was even happy to have Hinata there. The energy in the room felt warm and genuine, nothing fake nor manufactured. It felt organic and Naruto craved to stay longer. But Boruto and Himawari had to go to bed and once they left Naruto felt like a slice of his heart went with them.

Naruto changed into his hokage uniform, finally deciding it was time to make an appearance at his work place, but he was determined to set up rules and boundaries that allowed him to spend more time with his children. He was going to keep his promise this time around.

Naruto stepped outside his depressive apartment, with his colourful hokage uniform ready to become everything he promised his children he would be. As he locked the door behind him, he could notice a black figure down the corridor. Instantly Naruto’s chakra kicked in, his senses had doubled and his hair stood on edge. The black figure creeped closer and closer. Every step closer Naruto would slowly get closer to his kunai.

“Now look at this, has the hokage finally returned from his slumber? I heard you’ve been slacking off whilst I was working hard.” Naruto was full of 100 emotions. He knew that voice like the back of his hand, but he was fuming at the black figure for scaring the living day lights out of him. “You scared the shit out of me Sasuke, what the hell are doing here two days early?” The black figure immerged into the light, revealing a porcelain man that never looked better in ninja uniform. “Is that a proper hello to your boyfriend?”

Naruto was gone at this point, if the man spinning a kunai around his finger walking sensually toward him wasn’t enough, then the fact that Sasuke just used the words ‘boyfriend’ had definitely done it. Naruto honestly believes he blanked out for a moment, because the last thing he remembers is standing by his door way.

Naruto’s reflexes were so quick that in less than a second he had Sasuke pinned to a wall, his eyes glowed neon blue in the dark corridor. Sasuke smiled cheekily, knowing his taunting was stirring up Naruto. “You missed me that bad, huh?” “You wish.” Naruto let his lips skim Sasuke’s without actually pressing down. He knew how the game was played and he was prepared to win. “Tch, you tease.” “You have to wine and dine me before you get any of this. Wise words from a very sexy friend of mine.”

“Friend?” Sasuke’s eyes seemed pent up with both rage and lust for the man who was slowly walking away back into the light of the street. “You heard me lover boy. Friend. We shall see how well you wine and dine now that you are back.” Before Naruto could fully cross the light that separated him from the street Sasuke had him pinned down harshly against a brick wall. He spared no expense of chakra seeming as half the bricks split into pieces and started crumbling on the floor.

“You’re paying for that.” “Tch, gladfully.” In an instant Sasuke’s lips were digging deep onto Naruto’s, the kiss was hot and heavy with steam circulating between the two men. The kiss sooner or later lead to a full make out session, with the world around them becoming a blurred hot mess. Naruto didn’t hear the street that was centimetres away from him, he didn’t sense the bricks which pressed against his shirt and he sure as hell didn’t sense a living soul around them, besides the one that currently held his heart on a silver platter. Naruto twisted and turned with Sasuke, digging his fingers deeply into his hair. He didn’t want this bliss to end, but alas it was Sasuke who pulled away with half lid eyes full of raging lust. “So still a friend?” “Hm, border line.” Naruto winked at Sasuke, but this motion just turned Sasuke into a full on monster.

“Look here Hokage, if you wish to keep this friendly, I can do that, but let me tell you. If we start this war, you will have to do a lot more than wine and dine me to get anything out of me.” “Wooooh, isn’t someone a bit upset I won’t call them my boyfriend? Fine boyfriend Uchiha, wish to join me for drinks?” Sasuke had a soft and triumphant smile on his face but suddenly turned a soft shade of pink. “Uh Naruto, you might have to wait, I still have a bit of a situation down there.” Naruto followed Sasuke’s eyes and then was struck with the fact that both of them were quite turned on from that. “Yer, agreed.”

Naruto embarrassingly laughed it off, until their bodies turned stone cold as the finally noticed they weren’t alone. Naruto and Sasuke turned around to look who was down the corridor firmly leaning against the wall with a book in his hand. “Kakashi?”

“Hello.” Naruto gulped down painfully, terrified of exactly what he heard and what he saw. “Uh Kakashi, how much of that did you see?”

“Enough. To be honest I’m not that surprised, I am madder that I have been doing your job whilst you are here making out.” “Hey! Sasuke just got here from a mission!” “Hm, I know he came to me first, thinking you would be there. As soon as he saw me he went from showing actual human emotion to stone cold bitch once again. So naturally I was curious where he was going in such a rush and alas I found him here.” Naruto didn’t know what to feel, he was terrified of all this coming out to soon for Hinata and the kids to handle, he was desperate to plea with Kakashi, to keep his mouth shut.

“Now, I will keep quiet about all this, if you buy me dinner and the new icha-icha paradise/tactics book.” Sasuke coldly asked back “is that all your highness?” “Uh Mr. Uchiha, I would be careful speaking like that to me I do hold a big leverage over you so be nice to your sensie.” Sasuke just let out an irritated huff, unwilling to partake in Kakashi’s games, but Naruto would do anything to keep him quiet.

-

*The ramen shop hadn’t seen the dynamic 3 eating together in a long time. And by god, was it not like the old days. There was a loud and vibrant Naruto trying to fill the air with conversation, a moody Sasuke who did not want to be there and lastly Kakashi who was extremely content with his new book and free bowl of ramen, enjoying the power he obtained over the two. All that was missing was a flirtatious Sakura, which is convenient, because tables have turned and Naruto wants him 100 times more than she ever did back in the day. Having the two fight over Sasuke’s attention would surely make for an interesting dinner*

Monday 8:27am
I woke up with you on my mind.
You called me babe last night —
my heart is still pounding.

Tuesday 10:53pm
Today I realized we won’t work.
What we are is hurting her.
And I think she matters more to me than you do.

Wednesday 11:52pm
I broke things off with you today.
She barely said a word.
I’ve never regretted anything more than this.

Thursday 4:03pm
I shouldn’t have sent that message.
You shouldn’t have been so okay with receiving it.

Friday 9:57pm
I almost messaged you today.
I didn’t.

Saturday 8:49pm
I’m walking around town in search of alcohol.
They say that liquor numbs the pain of having a broken heart.
I want to put that to the test.

Sunday 2:32am
I heard you texted a girl you’ve never spoken to before.
I wonder if it’s because you’re trying to replace me.
I can’t help but wish you weren’t.
I thought I was irreplaceable.

—  a week with you on my mind, c.j.n.

Blurryface (2015): Actually a pretty happy album about embracing life and appreciating the people you have and being together. Occasional sad undertones.

Vessel (2013): About coping with and overcoming the threats inside your head. Sounds very happy and pumped up but if you listen to the lyrics it can be very depressing.

Regional At Best (2011): Beautiful, happy songs with devastating lyrics. Mostly about self-harm and mental illness.

Twenty One Pilots (2009): Poetic, slow songs that are very beautiful. Very despairing wit a strong undertone of death and suicide.

No Phun Intended (2007): 100% depression, suicide, anxiety, self-harm, despair, feeling lost, hopelessness, etc.

Tyler’s come a long way.