heart full of promise

But apologies don’t matter when they’re spilling out of your wrists onto the bathroom floor
and no matter how many syringes full of half hearted promises, you shove in your veins
everything will still remind you of
him him him
—  sorry doesn’t fucking count
You know what I'm a big fan of?

The Second Kiss!

like, okay, the first kiss is always amazing; all passion and desire and it’s beautiful and usually spontaneous, but the second kiss, oh the second kiss is better. It’s the kiss where they have time to think it over, where they anticipate the next time they will run into each other. It’s the kiss that is all nerves and potential. It’s scarier than the first because now they are vulnerable and all emotions are heightened because they finally acknowledged that they WANTED to kiss for so long and now they have to dance around one another knowing what the other persons lips taste like, what their hands feel like running through their hair, and they long for it in a carnal way that they hadn’t even realized they could long for something. So when they finally get that second kiss, it’s heart-pounding, palms-sweating, full-of-promise and it is better than the first kiss.

some days i am less than breathing
a body of doubts, of salt, of bleeding, 
assumptions unmet, choking on air,
drowning in a world of living nightmares. 
some days i am more than dreams 
a heart full of life, mind lifted on wings
promised futures, fairytale ends
and nothing can make me break or bend. 
then some days i am simply just
not more than love not less than lust,
not buoyed up above or pushed below
and those days its enough to know 
that sometimes its okay to just be
that no one can ever take my place as me
—  to me, i am irreplacable

The Avett Brothers
House of Blues
North Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
December 13, 2014

Legendary Giveback 2014

01 - Down with the Shine
02 - Traveling Song - 0:06:10
03 - Live and Die - 0:10:00
04 - Laundry Room - 0:14:30
05 - I Killed Sally’s Lover - 0:20:45
06 - Paranoia in Bb Major - 0:24:10
07 - Part From Me - 0:28:20
08 - Will You Return? - 0:33:50
09 - Rejects in the Attic (unreleased song) - 0:37:00
10 - Shame - 0:44:45
11 - I Never Knew You - 0:49:15
12 - Head Full of Doubt/Road Full of Promise - 0:52:50
13 - Kick Drum Heart - 0:58:10
14 - Murder in the City - 01:03:30
15 - In the Garden (traditional with Jim Avett) - 01:07:44
16 - Fisher Road (unreleased song) - 01:11:50
17 - The Prettiest Thing (David Childers & The Modern Don Juans cover) - 01:17:15
18 - Left on Laura, Left on Lisa - 01:21:20
19 - The Perfect Space - 01:26:57
20 - The Girl I Left Behind Me (traditional w/Seth Avett on bass & Tania Elizabeth on guitar) - 01:32:20
21 - It’s Movin’ Day (Charlie Poole cover w/Seth Avett on bass & Tania Elizabeth on guitar) - 01:35:50
22 - Talk on Indolence - 01:38:40
23 - Morning Song - 01:44:20

24 - Slight Figure of Speech - 01:54:00
25 - If It’s the Beaches - 02:01:00

have you named the moonless world/the winter ache/the sunless tremble inside of you?

yes. i took the words from the poems i’m not honest enough to write yet. i took the words and i let the lies stain my hands like cherry blood. like wine breath.

so when the tourists came, they knew what you did?

each one: catching the feathers as a flock of confessions left the sky in me.

and when the storms listened, did they hear the shake in your body?

they were silent as snow when my lion fight roared. they ran the other way. they never looked back.

what men turned wolf at the sight of your love?

all that looked expecting light, only to find the sun’s broken promise.

they hated my full moon heart.

and afterwards, what was it like?

i was shadow dark. i was cloud break. i was thunder threat.

did you hear the stories of the ones who’d come to save you? their golden honest, their steady hands?

yes, and they came, and they were beautiful until they weren’t. they laid their decay at my feet and couldn’t look me in the eye. to anyone else, all that rot would have looked like a soft landing. a gift.

but to you?

it was just a trick of the light. another fallen angel who never made it back home.

the voices, did they whisper you gentle?

they showed up in a dream once and told me their own hearts were failing them. when i woke up, i spoke in flatline. i searched my tongue for death.

and the ones who only loved you when your voice was lullaby quiet?

i showed them my loud. i woke them from their sleep.

—  Y.Z, Questions Asked in a Dream Part III

A collaboration between mjolklizardart (art) and flecksofpoppy (poem) for Jearmin Week, Day One: “talking in your sleep.”


This is how they bury you:
613 seeds and dirt pressed against your face,
mud stirred and wetted by childhood tears;
secrets sprouting dangerously from uneven ground
until caged by Eren’s bones, silenced by purple flowers.
This is how barren earth ends.

And this is how you bury them:
613 seeds settled into the dirt you spat,
damp earth raked across the tree bed
and turned over to keep wounds fresh.
Your own topsoil grows as hard as your fist in salute.
This is how barren earth blooms.

This is how you bury him:
613 ruined secrets streaked across lips in sleep,
smeared murmurs of names and confessions.
Blades sharpened and whetted by tears,
Jean’s youth drips away and onto your hands.
This is how barren earth bloodies.

This is how you bury everything:
613 pomegranate trees to hide beneath,
as fruit falls and bursts like bullets,
seeded hearts full of scattered promises.
You and him—you bad people—sleep.

This is who you choose to save,
this is how you choose to spare.


Kiss me with passion
or tender care
kiss me with promises
that you’ll always be there

Kiss me with love
or to make my heart dance
kiss me with promises
always full of romance

Kiss me so gently
or with heart-stopping might
kiss me with promises
that will last through the night

Kiss me for hours
or until our stop sign
kiss me with promises
that you’ll always be mine

Kiss me wrapped up
and safe by your side
kiss me with promises
that we’ll never hide

Kiss me so deeply
or in a warm embrace
kiss me with promises
that’ll make my heart race

Kiss me so rough
or light and mild
kiss me with promises
that’ll make me go wild

Kiss me, very calm
or to let your love show
but kiss me with promises
that you’ll never let go

—  Kiss me

Dear future wife,

I am praying for you tonight;
That your heart may be
gentle and guarded
That you are happy and
Bursting with laughter

And if you should cry
I pray that God’s word
may comfort you tonight
If you have fears and doubts
I pray that He restores you
You are not alone you see
He loves you just as I do
And even more so

Wherever you are, I know
By your heartbeat
That you are praying for me too
I have faith that tonight
God is guiding us both closer
it gives me joy
And it makes me brave

Soon I will see you
Soon I will be with you
My heart is full of promise
And I will be ready to meet you
At the altar

God is at work my love
Love Him first with everything
And I will do the same

He is teaching how to love
Because I want to love you
Like He Does,
I have much more to learn
But I know I am able
Because He is my strength

Take your time
As I will take mine
Be happy and roam
For when the time comes
And God allows our paths to cross
Once I hold your hand
I promise I will never let go

To our first dance
To our first kiss
I love you now
I will love you always

—  To my future wife, fifty-one // Pablo Verzosa