Why Positive Thinking Doesn’t Work... And What Does:
Being positive when things are going negative is never going to work: it feels like you’re forcing it, trying to hard, ignoring situations or being plain stupid doesn’t it? When you try to be positive, you can hear the voice in your head telling you, “this isn’t going to work, what a waste of money, who are you kidding”.
The way anything is ever achieved is by building the new, and not focusing on the old. Spend your time becoming clearer on what you do want how you want to live, who you want to become.
You are 100% responsible for your life, your happiness, and what you do with your time on Earth.
Ask yourself these questions: 1. If all the problems in my life were solved, how would I spend my time? 2. What do I have to do to be 100% happy and in love with myself? 3. What am I waiting for?
So when you are really engaged in what is going on around you, it probably feels like all hell is breaking loose! The key out of this? Let it. Let it break loose, let things be as they are. Instead, you become clearer about what you want (and not what you don’t want). Work toward that. And watch problems around you dissolve in the process.
I used to have a client who wouldn’t let me use the word “vulnerable”. I understood why she was so opposed. Growing up in an extremely abusive environment she had learned that it was neither safe nor constructive to be vulnerable. Children are incredibly resourceful at finding ways to survive.
On a forum this week someone had asked for feedback about a product. He wanted to try and understand why there didn’t seem to be much interest in what he had created. Many of us took time to read his material and offer feedback, but in response to almost every comment made the originator of the material was defensive. Rather than accepting what was offered, considering that it might be lending just the insight needed, he simply tried to justify his failing project and so stayed in the same dissatisfying place. Sometimes the vulnerability we most need is hard to find.
Being vulnerable is hard for a number of reasons, not least of which is the acute awareness that being emotionally open and relaxed makes us more susceptible to criticism and pain, and we don’t like either.
Going into therapy in a way which supports recovery or growth requires us to be vulnerable. It needs honesty and openness, the willingness to lay ourselves bare, an acceptance that we don’t have the answers and might not even know what the questions are. It is often frightening and almost always hard work. These are challenges which, when grasped with enthusiasm, demonstrate a strength rather than a submission to weakness. I have lost count of the times clients have faltered in their work because they despise themselves for being vulnerable and so find it too hard to go to the places inside them which are the most illuminating.
When we tell someone we love them or accept hearing it we are being vulnerable; when we create something and show it to people we are being vulnerable; when we speak our innermost thoughts and share something which is truly of ourselves we are being vulnerable. Accepting the risk of rejection or ridicule is vulnerability on a grand scale, and it is an action of great strength.
Only vulnerability enables two people to connect in a deep and meaningful way. How is it possible to really know someone if we are constantly guarding ourselves from the possibility of being seen as we are? Vulnerability broadens our emotional capacity because, while it certainly creates more space and potential for hurt and disappointment, it also enables us to experience true joy, genuine desire, deep love and beauty. The vulnerable are wonderful creatures, the invulnerable are unavailable.
A fundamental need of all humans is growth. We are hard wired to keep moving forwards, learning new things, exposing ourselves to new experiences and becoming more tomorrow than we were yesterday. A life without growth is one of emotional stagnation and that, to humans, is like a death. There can be no growth without vulnerability, and it requires that we accept and acknowledge all that we don’t already know.
So many of us try to cover up gaps in our knowledge for fear of appearing in some way defective and, therefore, less valuable than we wish to be. As parents we can be particularly guilty of refusing to show that we are vulnerable, but showing our children that we sometimes screw up on a grand scale is a vulnerability so beautiful and valuable. Without an illustration of how it is to falter, they too can grow fearing the consequences of failure and therefore denying their own vulnerability, making their lives smaller in the process. To err is the most human of all characteristics. If permanent perfection is a futile dream (and it is) then vulnerability is the reality which keeps us rooted firmly to the ground.
A client is describing to me a terrible row with her mother. It is clear that both of them are hurting but neither wants to admit it to the other. So they use anger instead of love, they choose pseudo power instead of being vulnerable and, in so doing, they propel themselves steadily away from one another instead of where they most want to be, close and connected through a willingness to be vulnerable. Sound familiar?
there is a sister who is a dear friend of mine and I thought I’d like to introduce her mental health website dearchereen.com to you. Since she is a certified therapist and life coach, she has experience with giving advice to people and writing beautiful pieces of encouragement that are worthy to be read. Her team also consist of other sisters that are trying their best to help those who need it, so if you feel interested in what she has to say, do use the opportunity to visit her website or ig: @sincerelychereen
n no, she did not ask me to advertise it for her. She is just one of those really genuine people who help others from the bottom of their hearts and her writings need more recognisation.
The relationship we have with ourselves is predicated on our self-talk and the way we feel about ourselves. Therefore it’s important to take time to appreciate oneself - it helps in the process of manifestations, improves confidence and reinforces self love.
When you show yourself appreciation you are nurturing the relationship you have with yourself and this affects all areas of your life. Appreciation is a form of gratitude and when you are grateful for what you have - more of it shows up in your life in various ways.
Appreciating how amazing you are as a person will invite more opportunities to do so. You might see an opportunity to help someone and they may reflect appreciation back to you by saying “you’re a good person, thank you”. This is the law of attraction working on the vibrational frequency you put yourself in when you become grateful.
Take opportunities regularly throughout the day to appreciate you for who you are and think about what you like about yourself. These can be superficial and intrinsic things such as “I like my eyes as well as my sense of humour” any type of appreciation will put you in the gratitude vibration.
From here you can begin to attract more opportunities to express this appreciation or have it reflected onto you through others. You may attract a partner who appreciates these things about you or you may attract situations that allow these qualities you have begun to appreciate to shine through.
My favourite exercise in strengthening the relationship I have with myself is to list at least 5 things I love about myself every day. This encourages me to reflect on what I like about myself - which in turn reinforces self love. This puts me in the love vibration where I attract more love into my life.
Appreciation of who you are is a pure form of self love.
Do you eat seeds? Seeds are amazing little bullets of nutrition. Think about it…we all came from a seed, essentially. Seeds are life. They are planted, they grow, they spread more seeds, they cycle on and on. Wonderful! So what’s the benefit of consuming seeds? Fiber, protein, fat, minerals, to start. But seeds are also a food of our ancient ancestors, they have powerful energy and can even be used in the regulation of the female moon cycle.
What do you need to know about preparing your seeds? Only this: SOAK them! Soaking seeds and dehydrating seeds, also known as sprouting, is a technique used by our ancestors for all of time to release the anti nutrients naturally contained within seeds (and also nuts, grains, beans, legumes) so that a) they are more easily digested by us, and b) their wondrous nutrients are more easily absorbed and assimilated by our divine bodies.
Get seed savvy: buy organic, raw, sprouted seeds (or sprout them yourself) and store them in the fridge (the oils in these little guys are very fragile and can go rancid easily!).
3 Seeds to Try Today:
1) Sunflower Seeds: Excellent source of protein, Vitamin E, magnesium, selenium, B vitamins, iron and folic acid. They’re also high in monounsaturated fat and arginine. Try tossing sunflower seeds onto your kale salad, throwing a few tablespoons into a smoothie or using them in pesto.
2) Sesame Seeds: These nutrient-dense babies are thought to be one of the oldest foods in existence. They are rich in protein, fiber, lignans, monounsaturated fats, iron, zinc and calcium. Their amino acid profile is also stronger than many other vegetarian protein sources (including both soy and peanuts). Sprout these babies and then use a food processor to whip up a big batch of tahini (sesame seed spread), toss them into salad or blend them up in your vitamin as part of a frozen banana cacao “nice cream.”
3) Pumpkin Seeds (AKA Pepitas): These Native American healing seeds are mineral-rich, boasting an impressive profile of phosphorous, magnesium, iron, zinc, manganese and copper. They also provide ample vitamin A, B vitamins, protein and monounsaturated fat. Toss a handful of sprouted pepitas into a jar as a snack on the go, blend them into soups or use them to top chia pudding or overnight oats.
The bottom line? Seeds are the bomb. Eat them whichever way you can and know you’re planting seeds of beneficial intention with each bite