head-exploding

Okay so Lance would absolutely be someone who frequently uses the phrase ‘catch these hands.’ And at one point he’s arguing with Keith about something dumb and they’re all up in each other’s faces and Lance goes “You wanna catch these hands??” and Keith just. Takes Lance’s hands in his. And holds them. And continues glaring at him. There’s a few moments of complete silence, during which Lance’s face becomes increasingly pink. And then Keith, still glaring, says softly, “Yeah, I do.”

ifeelbetterer  asked:

Gotg prompt: how did Rocket learn to speak Groot?

“Repeat after me, Quill: I am Groot.”

“I am Groot,” Peter said dutifully. He felt like an idiot, but there were only a limited number of ways to while away quiet nights on the ship when neither of them could sleep. If it was him and Gamora, or him and Drax, they could spar, but he’d only tried sparring with Rocket once. It took weeks for the bite marks to heal.

Rocket’s oddly expressive – for a raccoon – face wrinkled in an expression of disgust. “Do you even hear yourself? That is nothing like what I just said.”

“Dude, that is exactly what you just said.”

“No, I said ‘I am Groot’ and you said ‘I am Groot’.”

“Which is … the same?”

Rocket stared at him for a long moment, then pointed at his snout. “Read my lips: I am Groot.”

“Was I supposed to repeat that, or …”

Rocket showed some teeth. Peter shut up. There was a moment of silence and Peter was just about to put his earbuds back in and quit with the language lessons when Rocket said suddenly, “Quill, if I say, 'I am Groot,’ just like that, what do you hear?”

“Is this a trick question? Especially the kind of trick question that’s gonna end in you pissing on my bed?”

“That was only once, and you had it coming –”

“Rocket –”

“No, for the love o’ cheese, it’s not a trick question. Just say 'I am Groot’.”

“I am Groot,” Peter said. “I feel like a complete jackass right now, in case that was your intent – hey, where are you going?”

“Jus’ need to get a thing!” Rocket’s voice trailed behind him.

Peter flopped back down in the chair in the mess and put his earbuds in. He was actually getting sleepy, and considering going back to bed, when Rocket jumped up onto the table in front of him with something clutched in his paws.

“What’s that?” Peter asked, sitting up. He palmed off the Zune and took off the earpieces. He had to hand it to Earth tech: the new music player was a lot more convenient to carry around than his late, lamented Walkman.

Rocket’s device was a thin, flat screen about the size of a hardback book; he had it clutched with a paw on each side while readouts rippled quickly across it.

“Okay, now say 'I am Groot’,” Rocket declared, studying the screen.

“Come on, man, do we really have to go through this again?”

“Humor me.”

Peter sighed and slouched in his chair. “I am Groot.”

Rocket’s ears pricked forward. “I am Groot,” he said, and tapped the display with his paw, causing the tiny, scrolling lines and numbers to freeze. “Did that sound the same to you?”

“Well … yeah?”

The flat pads of Rocket’s fingers danced across the display, and he laid the screen on the table between them. “Know what you’re lookin’ at?”

“Squiggly lines,” Peter said automatically.

“Did your mama drop you on the head a lot as a baby, Quill?”

“No, but Yondu did occasionally.” Peter rested his elbow on the table and his chin in his hand. As much fun as it was to mess with Rocket, he did actually think he knew what the raccoon was getting at. “That wiggly line is some kind of … uh … noise – wiggle – curve, right?”

“That’s real precise.”

“I was abducted from Earth before we got to algebra in school. Cut me some slack here.”

“Excuses, excuses. I was raised in a cage and my mother had an IQ of 3.” Rocket touched the display, zooming in on it. “Point is, I don’t think it’s just that all a’ you two-legged bunch is too obtuse to understand perfectly clear speech –”

“Thanks.”

“– like I used to think. It’s more like, my ears hear at higher and lower frequencies than yours do, so I get different overtones. Put simply for the simple, I can hear things you can’t.”

Peter leaned forward, intrigued. “So, wait – you mean all this time, all his 'I am Groot’s sound different to you?”

He realized what he’d said as soon as the words left his mouth, and got the flat 'I am dealing with morons’ look from Rocket that he’d instantly realized he had coming. “How am I supposed to understand him if they don’t, Quill, I ask you?”

“Okay – point – but … so why does it sound like 'I am Groot’ to the rest of us?”

“It sounds like 'I am Groot’ to me too.” When Peter glowered at him, Rocket held up a paw. “No, I ain’t messin’ with ya. This time. No, that’s what the translation unit picks up, 'cause it ain’t so smart about some of the less humanoid languages. It’s just, I hear it like …” He hesitated and waggled his paw. “It’s like your music, right? All those up and down tones at the same time. Groot can do that. Your throat, my throat, can’t.”

“Singing?” Peter said after a minute. “Groot’s singing?”

“I refer you back to the part about bein’ dropped on your head.” Rocket pursed his lips and let out a sharp whistle, making Peter jump – there was still some part of him that couldn’t quite hear whistling and not expect a death arrow to follow an instant later. And he might not be the only one, because Rocket stopped abruptly, closed his mouth, and then said, “Quill, do this,” and hummed softly.

It wasn’t really a tune. “You just want me to hum?” Peter asked. “Like, generic humming?”

Rocket curled his lip and the hum became more of a snarl.

“Right, humming,” Peter said hastily.

The funny thing was, the instant his soft hum of response hit the right harmonics with the note Rocket was humming (and the raccoon did have a good sense of pitch; Peter had always suspected so) he understood exactly what Rocket was getting at.

“Ohhhhh. When Groot talks, it’s like a symphony. Is that what you mean? And the 'I am Groot’ part is the part in the human audible range.”

Rocket’s ears and tail went up cheerfully. “Yeah, ezzactly. He’s tryin’ to communicate, it’s just he didn’t get any farther than 'I am Groot’ when he was learning. It’s as hard for him to do the talkin’ part for the translators as it is for you and me to do his kind of talk. He can hear us just fine, though. Actually to him, understanding our talk is dead easy.”

“So how do we understand him?” Peter asked. “Can you, I dunno, juice up the translator so it picks up a higher range of frequencies, or something?”

“I dunno. That’s not a bad idea.” Rocket tapped his claw against his teeth before picking up the screen thing and hopping off the table. “Have to think on it. Don’t wanna explode your heads or anything.”

“Yeah, well, on that lovely note, I’m goin’ to bed.” He actually was tired enough now to fall asleep in spite of the inevitable nightmares (the bitter cold and darkness of space; Ego’s face dissolving in his hands; his friends crushed by rocks or blown apart). The music helped as it always had, a melodic bulwark against the dark, wrapped gently around his heart – but it could only do so much.

Rocket grunted absently as he trotted off, already engrossed in figuring out the problem.

The thought occurred to Peter as he wandered back to his quarters, thumbing idly through the songs on the Zune, that these sorts of mechanical puzzles served the same purpose for Rocket as his music did for him: something to make his mind go quiet.

The music did that … and so did letting Gamora beat the stuffing out of him in the ship’s small exercise area. Or getting language lessons from Rocket. Or –

“I am Groot?”

Peter jumped as small hands grabbed hold of his pants leg. Groot shimmied quickly up to perch on his shoulder.

“Hey, little buddy.” Peter opened the door to his quarters and left it open so Groot could come and go as he wanted. Or so he could hear if anybody got into a fight or whatever. He flopped wearily on his unmade bed, careful not to dislodge Groot. “You know, I’m not sure how much of this you can understand right now, but Rocket’s teaching me to speak your language.”

“I am Groot?”

“Well, to understand you more than speak it, I guess I should say.” He was lying on his back now and he couldn’t really see Groot except out of the corner of his eye, but he could feel the little tree shifting around in the hollow where the collar of his sweatshirt rested against his neck.

“I am Groot,” Groot said insistently, almost in his ear. Small hands patted at the side of his face and his earlobe.

“Yeah, yeah.” Peter pinched one earbud between two fingers and held it where Groot could get at it. The little hands took it out of his fingers. Peter settled himself comfortably as Groot squirmed somewhat ticklishly against his neck, and sorted through the songs. “How 'bout Elton John tonight, buddy?”

“I am Groot,” came the sleepy answer.

“You know, little guy,” Peter murmured, as the first strains of the music began to play and Groot snuggled comfortably against his neck, “whether or not Rocket can get his new gadget working, I think we understand each other just fine, don’t we?”

“I am Groot!”

You know, when you’re drowning you don’t actually inhale right before you black out. It’s like no matter how much you are freaking out, the instinct to not get any water in is so strong that you won’t open your mouth until you feel like your head is exploding but then when you finally do let it in that’s when it stops hurting. It is not scary anymore, it’s actually kinda peaceful.
—  Stiles, Teen Wolf
3

A Richonne Ranking: 40 Moments
[30] Naked – The Next World, 6x10

I want to personally thank Andy ‘Ricky Dicky Doo Dah Grimes’ Clutterbuck and My Girl Danai Gurira for their unyielding dedication to their craft. Their performances here as Post-Coital Couple #1 are truly unparalleled. As if the kiss wasn’t enough to make my head explode, this quick little follow-up scene just about finished me off. Every detail of the frame has been carefully constructed to kill me. Hand placements. Leg positions. Mostly hand placements. One hand in particular. Ass man, as established in… err, almost every episode?

Any argument that Rick and Michonne will be softened by their relationship is swiftly addressed here. Even at their most vulnerable – asleep and naked – they are ready to leap into action and I am HERE. FOR. IT. Look at this couple of warriors turning into a warrior couple.  

  • Andy: It’s great. Two warriors, two warrior lovers. Bring it on! […] The final scene was supposed to be a little more demure. Danai and I just said, “The audience has seen us have a kiss. Then, there’s this reveal of us in bed. The only way we’re going to up this ante and make it real is we’ve got to be naked. We wouldn’t hide under sheets. We’d go for the gun and katana.” We wanted viewers to know nothing’s changed. They’re just ferocious.
  • Tom Payne: So Danai and Andy get up out of bed. First of all, she’s pointing her sword at my face and worrying about me looking. I’m like, “I’m just looking at the sword because I don’t wanna lose my eye.” And then Kari comes in and says, “Can you look Andy up and down and then smile at him?” I’m like, “No!” There was a moment where I was like, “Yeah, maybe I’ll do that…” but Andy was completely naked in front of me. 
  • Danai: It was fun. It was very bonding and, ultimately, we had a great time that evening. 
Batfamily NSFW headcanons

Well, here it is. Because of the nature of the questions, IT IS NSFW, so if you’re uncomfortable with that, do not read, I have PLENTY of other work that aren’t NSFW at all that you can check ;-) (right here, my masterlist blog : https://ella-ravenwood-archives.tumblr.com). Anyway, I’m not great at writing headcanons so thought I practice a bit…hope you’ll still like it :

_________________________________________________

The Goodies-

Bruce Wayne

  • What turns them on?

✶When you touch him inappropriately in public. Especially at charities, galas and other balls. It drives him crazy the way you do it so sneakily so that no one but him notice. It’s a sure way to convince him to go home earlier. 
✶Seeing you putting someone in their place with your wits and sarcasms after they’ve been rude to you…Oh he lives for this, and will have trouble to concentrate on anything else but wanting you. 
✶Your smile. Your laugh. The way you light up his dark World.
✶That man has a thing with lifting your skirt slowly, and putting your panties aside. He couldn’t even tell you why, he just loves it. And obviously, it instantly turns him on when you let him.
✶Knowing that the emotions he feels for you can outlast the orgasm you both had. Oh yes. Knowing he’s loved, and can let go with you. 

  • What turns them off?

There is very few things that turns him off when he’s with you, if not nothing (like literally, even when you’re being annoying, or when he’s being an ass, or if you just woke up and are disheveled and not really attractive…he’d still want you), as everything you do is just…Wow. He can’t get enough of you. Everything you do turns him on really. But He had experiences with other women before… :
✶Women who couldn’t handle a simple conversation. No connection at all with them, just sex. In and out, and then they’d be gone. He hated that. Which makes him love you more when you just spent time in each others arms talking about anything and everything. You’re the only one that makes him want to talk about what he feels and such…It’s a big relief. You’re his big relief. 
✶He use to hate SO MUCH when he took a woman out that had a “fake hollywood accent”, or any fake accent. A lot of fake French one. They thought it made them more interesting, but the only thing it did, was making them super annoying to hear so…Yeah, massive turn off. He cringed more than once because of a high pitched voice, or an annoying one with a stupid fake accent.
✶Narcissism turned him off instantly. Oh the many women Alfred had to escort out because Bruce misjudge them…It happened to him a lot when he was younger, long before meeting you. He thought he’d find a kindred spirit, but turned out, it would just be a woman who wanted him for his money and fame, and who thought she was irresistible. Spoiler : those kind of women were rarely irresistible, to him at least. He could resist them very well. He could resist most women very well…But you. Oh you, it’s impossible. 
✶Lack of passion. He just cannot even think about dating someone who isn’t passionate about anything. 
✶Fake tits. That doesn’t even remotely look (or feel) natural. Fuck them. And oh the women he went out as a younger man had a lot of fake things physically (fake ass, tits, teeth, nose…), every thing was fake in them really, to their personality and smiles. He hated that with a passion, and often wished he could drop the “womanizer” and “playboy” persona, that wasn’t like his real him at all…Everything changed when you came in. You’re the best thing that ever happened to him, nothing fake about you (for real though, if you wanna tell him to fuck off because he’s being an asshole, they you’ll do so, and he loves that!). 

  • Kinks?

Nearly violent sex. Bitey, grabby, pinny, not-holding-back sex. Paired with sweet words of encouragement and gentle forehead/Cheek kisses.
✶Surprise sex. You waking him up because his cock is in your mouth. Him whipping you around while you walk around the Manor, and boom.
✶Sex after an injury. He loves the way you’re careful with him, or how he needs to take care of you because you’re hurt. 
✶He likes giving more than receiving. WITH YOU. Because he feels like he has to thank you to put up with his shit and antics…And you do it so well, oh he just has to please you. Doesn’t mean he’s against a good old blowjob though. Oh, and damn, the good old 69 am I right ? 
✶He can be vanilla and/or rough, and you love it. He would never really hurt you (even if you ask him too, just light biting really), and most of the time you make love, rarely just fucking (unless you haven’t seen each other for a long time and you just need it)…He’s all for the sweet and cuddly aftercare. Cheesy man. 

Richard Grayson

  • What turns them on?

✶You. Your mere presence. A slight touch of your fingers on his arms. And he’s gone. It’s not always great, like, you’d be in public and you’d just touch his thigh softly, as you do, and he’d give you “that look”…
✶Snuggles. Cuddles. Oh yes. 
✶Neck kisses. It drives him beyond wild. 
✶He will get harder inside you by the mere sound of your moans…And hearing you orgasm, clenching around him, is a sure way to send him over the edge too. 

  • What turns them off?

✶Being with someone boring. Glad he found you. 
✶If he’s with a “selfish lover”. He doesn’t mind giving at all, but for him, making love is a way to show mutual respect, to show how much you mean for each other…so if he’s with someone who only think about themselves ? No.
✶When his partner is too forward about wanting sex. “Want to fuck ?” Oh. Nope, he likes when it’s subtle. When you give him sultry looks and such. He likes the building up. 
✶Bad breath. As simple as that. 

  • Kinks?

✶Once, he was arguing with you and in the heat of the moment, you slapped his face. Of course you excused yourself profusely, until you realized he went from being annoyed to argue to being very aroused…You both learned something about him that day. So, light BDSM. Who would’ve thought ?
✶He lives for silly giggly sex. Pleasure, your moans and bad puns, how could it get better than this ? 
✶Women’s mid sections. He loves slight belly and curvy hips. As simple as that.
✶He’s a sucker for romantic evening, that turns hot and steamy. 
✶Rubbing your legs, ass and back during the act. Oh yeah. 

Jason Todd

  • What turns them on?

✶Seeing you punching people. It sounds awful, but the way you don’t let anyone walk on your feet and don’t hesitate to punch people even twice your size…He loves it. 
✶If you wear a dress, your legs will instantly turn him on. He loves your legs. Especially when wrapped around his waist. 
✶You love to dance, and hum songs you like…Big turn on every time, as he can’t get enough of your voice, and you’re damn sexy when you dance. 
✶When you’re trying to contain yourself, but simply cannot. Muscles spasm and contort as you climax.

  • What turns them off?

✶Judgmental people. The kind who decides what you are before knowing you.
✶The daddy kink. Oh God, NO. 
✶It’s something kinda silly, he knows, but he hates long unclipped toe nails. Ew. You laughed the first time he told you. Well, yeah, it’s super gross. 
✶Lacks of enthusiasm and initiative. He can’t be with a woman who lets him do everything, chose everything for her. And who never initiates anything. Basically, the opposite of you. 

  • Kinks?

✶Clothed sex, because it feels like you two are so hungry for each other, that you just can’t bother getting all the clothes off. 
✶Sex games. First one to come loses. 
✶Public and semi-public sex. Hey, he likes danger. When you two are almost caught…Oh the thrill.
✶He’s very creative when it comes to sexual position. As long as your comfortable of course…He’s sure glad you’re flexible by the way.

Timothy Drake

  • What turns them on?

✶Intelligent woman. Intelligence in general. 
✶The way you look at him, with so much love, that makes him feel like he’s really wanted and needed…Sometimes, he just needs validation, as he doesn’t always gets it with his family. Fortunately, you’re here for that. 
✶Nibbling on his ears and neck, while whispering sweet nothing.
✶Eye contact. He just loves it. 

  • What turns them off?

✶Loud people. Oh God can’t they shut up ? He hasn’t slept for the past 36 hours and they’re making his head explode. Instant turn off if there’s too many noises. Though he loves your screams…It’s different ok ? 
✶If you starfish. Making love is a thing he wants to do with you, not to a very passive you. Fortunately, you’re never able to “starfish”…you’d do it as a joke sometimes, because you know he doesn’t like it, and then you wouldn’t be able to resist moving in sync with him.
✶Nothing to talk about but yourself. Someone obsessed with themselves. Oh he hates it. He’s so glad he didn’t find someone who didn’t had any subject else than themselves. He’s so glad he found you. Because with the name “Wayne” comes a plethora of women only interested in money and fame, who loves no one else but themselves. 
✶He hates feigned incompetence. Like a girl who acts like she doesn’t know anything about sex, while she’s clearly experienced. He always feels manipulated when this happens…

  • Kinks?

✶He loves to “discover boundaries”. Like what you like, dislike, what you two are willing to do, the extent you can go etc etc..Knowing just until where both of your boundaries go. 
✶You two nerds invented a secret “sex langage” to be able to talk about it in public. Of course you would.  
✶Nerdy dirty talk. Oh the puns about technologies, and pop culture you two are able to get out while making love : it’s endless. And he loves it. It makes him feel like he found just the perfect person for him. And you really are. 
✶Lazy morning sex. Bath sex. Those private moment with you, where you can just both enjoy each other. Domestic moment sex if that makes sense. 

Damian Wayne (older than his current age of course)

  • What turns them on?

✶Training together, seeing you fight and such. The way your body moves…Gets him every time. 
✶The way you look at him and tell him “I love you”. He’ll never get tired of it. Seeing the love in your eyes for him, knowing you mean it, that there’s at least one person in the world that really love and appreciate his bratty ass. 
✶When you caress his hair, fingers massaging his scalp. Soothing and arousing at the same time. 
✶The way you bite your lips or stick out your tongue when you’re focused. 

  • What turns them off?

✶He tries to be nice about it but…Body odors. If you smell because you two jumped on each other before you could take a shower…Instant turn off. Even his own smell could turn him off. Basically, if it smells bad, he won’t be able to concentrate on sex at all. He’s a living paradox however as he loves the smell of your sweat.
✶Hurting you. 
✶Rude and vulgar people. 
✶Lack of empathy.

  • Kinks?

✶Sensory deprivation. Like blindfolded, so you have to rely on trust and such. Or handcuffed, so you can’t touch and…again trust comes in. Sometimes, he would put headphones on your ears, so you wouldn’t know what his next move is by the sound…Basically, knowing you trust him and letting him do all that. 
✶He likes trying new things.But will never do anything you’re uncomfortable doing of course. Consent is key.  
✶Always the tease though. 
✶Sometimes, he’ll argue with you ON PURPOSE just for the amazing make-up sex afterward…Each time you’ll give him a look meaning : “really Damian ?”, and he’ll just smirk back at you. He knows how to push all your buttons, and oh, he just really like the way you are during make-up sex. 
✶You come first. He loves you, he wants you to be comfortable, but he also like trying new things and he’s so damn glad he found someones like you who’s willing to be adventurous. 

Animelist: the Trippy list

of Anime where the animation and storytelling just send your head reeling in and explode at the bursts of color and just sends your mind boggling at what you see:

  • Paprika
  • Bakemonogatari series
  • Mekakucity actors
  • Puella magi madoka magica
  • Dead leaves
  • Gankutsuou: The Count of Monte Cristo
  • Perfect Blue
  • xxxholic
  • Sayonara Zetsubō Sensei 
  • Tokyo Godfathers
  • Cat soup
  • Kaiba
  • C: The Money of Soul and Possibility Control
  • Paranoia agent
  • Neon genesis evangelion
  • FLCL
  • tatami galaxy
  • Mononoke (series)
  • Ayakashi: Bakeneko
  • Tenshi no tamago (aka Angel’s egg)
  • Tekkon Kinkreet
  • Inaka Isha
  • Genius Party
  • Space Dandy(?)
  • Kuuchuu Buranko (aka Welcome to Irabu’s Office)
  • Utena the movie(?)
  • Evangelion
  • Amnesia (?)

Did I miss anything? Let me know. ;)

Just a friendly reminder...

2A👏🏻HAS 👏🏻ALREADY👏🏻BEEN👏🏻FILMED👏🏻NOTHING👏🏻CAN👏🏻BE👏🏻CHANGED👏🏻ABOUT👏🏻IT👏🏻

Stop acting like the writers of the show are out to get you and treating your ‘ships’ badly. THEY AREN’T. I’m 110% sure they thought these last few episodes would be P O S I T I V E. Stop causing unnecessary drama just to try and prove a point. It’s getting old now. Stop spreading negativity and start spreading positivity!!!!!!!!

I’m so excited for the next episode. They keep getting better! 😊😊😊😊

anonymous asked:

How would the Karasuno boys act when they have to buy condoms from Ukai's shop, having to look their coach in the eye as they pay for them?

i laughed for like 10 minutes after reading this request i love it. i’ve been having some health issues lately and needed a good pick-me-up

if you like what i do and want to show your support, consider supporting me on ko-fi!

 - admin rachel lauren


The only way I could rationalize them willingly buying condoms from Sakanoshita–as opposed to any place else–knowing that their coach is minding the shop is that the team has some crazy bet going on and these are in the event that they are the loser of said bet. Whether or not they’re doing the do and actually need them is entirely irrelevant.

Daichi

  • He’s one of the few who don’t make it weird somehow. It’s just another transaction, right? Not to mention that Ukai’s made it clear to them that whatever they do outside of volleyball is none of his business.
  • It’s not embarrassing until he gets to the counter to pay and has a moment of internal panic that this is very awkward. But Daichi’s a master of keeping his composure while screaming internally all the while, so you’d never know.
    • It doesn’t hurt that he buys a few things he actually needs along with them. But still.

Suga

  • He tries to play dumb when they’re rung up: “Whoops, how did those get in there? Well, I guess I’ll take them anyway. Doesn’t hurt to have some, right?” Cue the forced bashful laughter.
  • It’s clear to everyone within a 5 mile radius that Suga is playing this up too much. Like it’s painful to watch.
  • Once out of the shop, Suga will show no mercy and pelt either the first person who laughs or the person who suggested the bet in the first place with the box.

Asahi

  • He has to buy at least four or five other things along with them in hopes that Ukai doesn’t give the condoms a second thought.
  • Except he kind of just grabs whatever is within arm’s reach in a tizzy without paying attention, so it’s an interesting mix of things.
  • He forgets how to breathe when Ukai rings his things up. You’d think that having his coach be unfazed by all of this would make it less embarrassing, but the contrast in their demeanors makes it worse. 
    • You can bet his s/o will be the one to buy them from now on because he’s scarred for life.

Nishinoya

  • Slams the box down on the counter and looks Ukai straight in the eyes. It’s the only thing he’s buying.
  • Noya’s got a dead serious look on his face the whole time. Coupled with the fact that he’s standing in a power pose, it makes the transaction feel more like a battle of wills than a simple interaction between a shopkeeper/coach and his customer/pupil.
  • Seriously, Ukai is unnerved by this until Noya shouts out a thanks and bows deeply before leaving the shop, and hearing Tanaka’s cry of “Noya-san is so cool!!!” from outside.

Tanaka

  • Tries the nonchalant whistling thing, which makes the whole process more suspect and embarrassing.
  • “They’re for my sister’s…. boyfriend…”
    • He doesn’t know why he went with that excuse. Even if Saeko had a boyfriend, neither of them would bother having Tanaka buy a box for them.
  • Ukai’s, “Good for them, I guess?” does nothing to alleviate any of Tanaka’s embarrassment.

Ennoshita

  • If it’s questioned, he has his excuse of “A prop for the new movie” all ready to go. Although, he’s also worried that unless he can make up a plot for this movie that doesn’t exist (yet), it might be considered a cause for concern that his movies are getting too adult for high school students to be in charge of.
  • Takes five minutes to come up with an elevator pitch just in case before he has to go in.
  • Ukai doesn’t even ask or indicate that he’s buying condoms and Ennoshita–red-faced and stuttering–goes on about some Seth Rogen-esque stoner comedy that he’s working on.
    • “Well, just don’t get in trouble filming something like that. You’re still a kid, after all.”

Narita

  • Can’t stop dropping his change, which is the perfect excuse to physically hide how ridiculous he feels.
  • The transaction from then on can be described as swift, as in the second Ukai hands him the bag Narita takes it and heads for the door with a, “Hm thanks coach see you tomorrow bye!” It’s all in one fluid motion and yes, that goodbye is punctuation-less .
  • Just…never bring this up again. He’d rather forget the whole thing.

Kinoshita

  • He can’t go in alone. He has to do this with at least one other person going into the shop with him, and Noya is the only one who also isn’t embarrassed by this in any way. The other second-years are embarrassed by proximity, so-to-speak.
    • Except Noya gets distracted trying to find his usual ice cream flavor, so Kinoshita has to ride solo at the counter.
  • It’s clear he’s nervous about the whole thing; his whole body is stiff and he reacts to anything Ukai says as if the man is correcting his technique during practice.
  • He does have to keep his eyes on his wallet and money most of the transaction because there’s no one he can look his coach in the eye while buying them.

Kageyama

  • He knows he’s not smart and that everyone knows this as well, so he decides to tackle this issue by using this to advantage.
  • Except he anticipates Ukai will say anything in the first place, and blurts something out totally unprompted..
    • Ukai: “That’ll be–”
    • Kageyama: What do you mean those aren’t water balloons?
  • The following is the most tense five seconds of silence you’ll ever see between these two.
  • He’s so red that Ukai is worried that Kageyama’s head might explode. Or he passes out on the spot, especially because he stops breathing.

Hinata

  • He thinks he can play it cool, but it’s like watching a trainwreck.
  • He suddenly can’t hear anything. There’s so much blood rushing to his head that he can only hear that in his ears. Ukai tells him how much he owes and Hinata keeps repeating, “What?” each time it happens.
    • “Just… take them, alright, Hinata?”
  • Once he leaves the store, his face seems to be stuck in a smile and he doesn’t react to anything anyone says or does to him. His soul has left his body. He’s straight-up astral projecting in front of the vending machines outside the shop. Never make him do that again.

Tsukishima

  • Like Daichi, he also is does not make it weird. The glare from his glasses absolutely helps to hide anything his eyes might give away about feeling like an idiot the whole time.
  • But you could replace the condoms with any other item in the store and everything would be exactly the same about this interaction.
  • The rest of the team is mad because there was no point of having the loser of their bet do that if the loser wasn’t affected by it.
    • But this eventually backfires on Tsukki because guess who Noya and Tanaka have now playfully dubbed, “The Condom King.” He hates it.

Yamaguchi

  • He’s a blend of Suga and Kageyama in this situation: “I thought they were rubber gloves! What? T-those aren’t mine!” (Which one is it, Yams?)
  • Things get worse because the barcode scanner just won’t scan this box and every second feels ten times longer than it actually is during this.
  • At this point he’s just praying that no one else–sans the rest of the boys–has to bear witness to this. If Yachi walked in and saw, he’d probably die.
The whole poly thing makes my coworkers heads explode.

“So you are dating him?”
“Yes.”
“And he’s married?”
“Yes.”
“So it’s an affair?”
“No. His spouse and I are best friends.”
“So you have threesomes?”
“Nope.”
“But you are also dating this other dude?”
“Yes.”
“And he knows about everything?”
“Yes.”
“I don’t understand…”

Repeat. For infinity. Every single day.

anonymous asked:

Can I have slow, long and teasing 2009!Phan smut please !!

this is latelatelate

i added daddy kink bc i’m trash

ew this is shit but it’s 2 am shut up

-

Dan watched carefully from the doorway as Phil sat down on the edge of his bed, stretching his arms above his head.

He bit at his nails; a bad nervous habit he had developed recently, and gazed at him from under the hair falling in his eyes.

Phil realized after a second that Dan was still just standing there, and raised his eyebrows, sitting up.

“Well c'mon,” he said, patting the spot next to him on the bed; oblivious. “Don’t get shy now, it’s not like you haven’t been in my room before.” He flashed Dan a crooked grin.

Dan let his gaze fall to his feet. Fuck, he was already blushing.

“Hey… what’s up?” Phil asked, finally noticing something may not be right with the younger boy. “Did I say something? I’m really sorry if I did, I-”

“No,” Dan said finally, his voice coming out shakier than he would have liked. “Y-You didn’t say anything. It’s n-not that.”

“So what is it?” Phil shifted on the bed, tilting his head to the side and arching his eyebrows in question. Dan swallowed.

“Do you not want to have sex with me?” Dan blurted, his eyes widening and his face going dark red the second the words were out.

There was incredibly painful awkward silence, as Phil stared at Dan and Dan tried not to cry from the tension.

“What?” Phil finally asked, his voice breaking. Dan avoided his eyes.

“Do you not… want to have… sex with me…?” He repeated, slower. “Do you not, like, see me that way?”

More silence, and Dan felt as if his head would explode.

“Come here.”

He looked up, biting his lip and meeting Phil’s eyes.

“What?”

“C'mere,” Phil repeated, motioning to him.

Dan inched forward, slowly edging towards Phil as if he was scared he would bite him. He moved to sit next to him, but Phil grabbed his wrist.

“Not there. Here,” he mumbled, tugging the boy down and onto his lap, so he was straddling him. Dan let out a soft gasp.

“Phil-”

“Dan.” Phil cupped his face, holding his cheeks in both hands, and searched his eyes. “Of course I want to have sex with you.”

Dan blinked. “Y-You do…?”

“Of course!” Phil smiled. “I just didn’t want to… I didn’t want to push anything.” He shrugged. “I didn’t think you were ready.”

“Are you kidding?” Dan squeaked, placing his hands over Phil’s. “I’ve been ready since I met you. I’ve been really, really ready, and I’m tired of waiting.”

Phil laughed softly, letting one hand fall to Dan’s hip, the other staying on his face. “I just thought-”

“Well don’t think,” Dan breathed, pressing his lips to Phil’s abruptly. Phil froze, before melting into the touch. His hand moved to Dan’s lower back, pulling him closer and licking at his lower lip.

“Dan,” Phil gasped, pulling back and resting their foreheads together. Dan’s mind raced, filled with endless possibilities of what they could do, what he had wanted to do for so long. Maybe he was finally going to get what he wanted. “Dan, you have to be completely positive you want this. I am not stealing your first time, that would make me feel terrible.”

Dan blushed. Phil knew he was a virgin; it had been one of the first things they had talked about.

“I want it,” he whispered, licking his lips, his eyelashes fanning his pink-tinted cheeks. “I swear, I want it so bad. I want you.”

Phil slowly intertwined his fingers with Dan’s, sliding his hand into his. “I think we should go slow.”

Dan nodded, smiling. He wanted this, he really did, but that didn’t keep him from being nervous. Phil seemed so damn experienced, he was so much more mature in Dan’s eyes, he still couldn’t believe he was really in this situation in the first place. In Phil Lester’s bedroom, about to…

Jesus. His heart was just about jumping out of his chest.

“Thank you,” he muttered.

Phil hummed, nodding and mapping out a small area of Dan’s neck with his fingers, tracing the skin. Dan shivered, taking a shaky breath when Phil dipped his head, planting his lips to the spot and sucking.

“Oh…” he breathed, choking on the words. Phil wrapped his arms around Dan’s waist, holding him closer, and damn, he really seemed to know what he was doing.

Phil really didn’t know what he was doing, not a bit. All he knew was he had dreamed of having Dan in a situation just like this, and now that they were here, he was combining his pure desperate lust with his need to just kiss Dan’s skin as gently as possible, and making it into… whatever he was doing right now.

Phil nipped at Dan’s throat, and Dan tilted his head back, gripping Phil’s shoulders for balance, he whimpered, closing his eyes and focusing on the feeling of Phil’s mouth and lips and tongue on his skin. He was also focusing on not jizzing his pants.

Phil slid his hands over Dan’s bum, squeezing gently, and a high pitched moan fell from Dan’s lips. He immediately covered his mouth, his eyes widening; embarrassed.

“I-” he started, but Phil just shook his head.

“Do it again.”

“Wh-”

Phil kneaded his ass again, sucking at the same spot on his neck, harder. Dan squeaked, moaning loudly and automatically rutting against Phil’s thigh.

“There we go,” Phil hummed, pinching Dan’s flesh and making him jump. “Good boy.”

Dan whimpered at the praise, moaning again and wrapping his legs around Phil’s waist, clinging to him.

“You’re shaking.” Phil kissed his nose, and Dan caught his lower lip between his teeth.

“Am I?” He whispered back. Phil nodded.

Phil gently tugged at the hem of Dan’s shirt, and Dan lifted his arms above his head. Phil pulled it off, tossing it aside and ridding himself of his own shirt.

In one movement Phil stood, holding Dan up and turning, pinning him to the bed so that now he was on top of him, hovering over him.

“I think you’re shaking too,” Dan breathed, kissing the side of Phil’s mouth.

“Sorry.” Phil laughed nervously. “I just really don’t want to mess this up.”

“You won’t.”

Phil bit his lip. “I could.”

Dan ran his hands over Phil’s shoulders, trying to calm his nerves. It helped to see that Phil was just as scared by this as he was, for whatever reason.

“But you won’t.” Dan pressed kiss after kiss on Phil’s cheeks. “Tell me something.”

“Hm?” Phil mumbled, his fingers gliding over Dan’s stomach.

“Tell me something. Like, something I don’t know.”

Phil chuckled breathily, running his fingertips over Dan’s button and tugging. “I’m slightly allergic to cats.”

“Really?” Dan put his hands on Phil’s, helping him unbutton his jeans, trying to ignore the fire in his stomach. He knew that already. He wasn’t sure there was anything about Phil he didn’t know.

“Mhm.” Phil nodded, his eyes brightening. He slowly and carefully pushed Dan’s jeans down his hips. “My middle name is Michael. But you knew that one.” He licked his lips. “I made a game when I was fourteen. I was really into programming I guess. Still kind of am.”

Dan gasped as Phil’s fingers brushed over his bulge, clinging to him. “That’s- so cool,” he breathed, digging his nails into Phil’s shoulders.

“Dan…”

“Don’t back out now.” Dan whined softly. “Please, Phil, need you inside me.”

Phil moaned, nodding slightly and pulling at Dan’s boxers. Dan had no time to even think about being self conscious; Phil had his hand wrapped around Dan’s cock in seconds, his boxers clinging to his hips. Dan whimpered loudly, automatically bucking up into the touch.

Dan desperately tugged at Phil’s zipper, messily pushing his jeans down, and Phil removed them completely.

“How much,” Phil whispered, biting down on Dan’s neck, listening to his soft noises of desperation. “How much do you need me?”

“So much,” Dan gasped, scratching down Phil’s back. “So much, daddy, please-!”

A growl fell from Phil’s lips and he was sucking on his fingers, before pushing Dan’s legs up and circling his hole.

Dan whimpered, whining and squirming as Phil held him still, moaning when Phil pushed a finger in.

“Daddy,” he breathed again, and Phil groaned. He pumped his finger, digging his nails into Dan’s thigh with the other one.

“Dan, Jesus.”

Dan smirked, grinning at him and licking his lips. Phil leaned up to kiss him deeply, licking into his mouth as he carefully added another finger; stretching him.

Phil was not too quick with the stretching; it was Dan’s first time, and it really had to be perfect. He still couldn’t wrap his mind around the fact that Dan had chosen him for this…

He was always amazed that Dan liked him in the first place.

The next few minutes were filled with soft kisses and moans, clinging to each other like if they let go, it would all be over.

It took Dan a moment but he soon got used to Phil’s fingers, pushing back on them.

“Daddy, please,” he whimpered, meeting Phil’s eyes. “Want your cock, Phil.”

Phil took a shaky breath, and nodded.

“Are you sure you-”

“Yes, damn it!”

Phil laughed. “Alright, fine. Just making sure baby.”

Phil slicked himself up, lining up with Dan so that their hips were aligned, hovering over him. He kissed him softly, slowly pushing in.

Dan gasped, immediately tending up and clinging to Phil’s shoulders like his life support. Phil hummed, kissing his cheeks and all down his jaw.

“It’s okay,” he whispered. “Focus on me. Focus on the pleasure.” He slowly wrapped his hand around Dan’s dick, rubbing him in time to the thrusts, and soon he was moaning and squirming under his touch.

“Shit,” Dan hissed through his teeth. “Phil…”

“Good boy,” Phil mumbled, slowly thrusting, aiming for the places he knew would make Dan scream. “Doing so well, such a good boy for me, I- fuck…”

Dan moaned loudly, throwing his head back, practically drooling. Okay. Now he got it. It felt really fucking good.

Phil sped up, watching Dan’s face carefully and letting out quiet grunts ever time he moved. Soft noises of pleasure and the creaking of bedsprings filled the room.

“I-I can’t last much longer,” Dan whined, scratching his nails down Phil’s back. “Harder, go harder.”

“Baby I-”

“Please-!”

And then Dan let out a noise that was probably the most angelic thing Phil had ever heard, and he was pounding into him, snapping his hips roughly as he fucked into him. Dan shrieked, a continuous wordless stream of moaning falling from his lips.

“I’m gonna- I love you, I love you so much, Phil, fuck-!”

Dan came over Phil’s hand and his stomach, whining loud and high pitched, and Phil gasped.

“Holy fuck,” he managed to groan, burying his face in Dan’s neck and letting go inside him, his hips twitching.

They stayed like that for a moment, Dan gasping for breath, his noises shaky, soaking in what he had done. Phil slowly pulled out, but they stayed tangled up together, all heat and sweat and pure exhaustion.

“I meant it.”

Phil looked up, brushing hair out of Dan’s eyes. “Hm…?”

“I meant it,” he repeated, grinning. “I really do love you, I don’t care if that’s weird.”

Phil’s entire face lit up.

“I love you too,” he breathed. “And I definitely don’t care if that’s weird either.”