he-is-the-only-thing-holding-me-back

Alec sat on the edge of the bed he hadn’t slept in in weeks. He was putting off sleep as long as he could, even though he was completely exhausted, because he couldn’t bear the thought of sleeping without Magnus pressed up against him. 

He was just staring at the wall, not blinking, not thinking, maybe not even breathing. He just wanted to stop feeling or wanted to feel more, to let the tears fall, to let go.

The tears didn’t come.

Alec felt someone sit on the bed next to him and put a hand on his back. “Magnus?” he croaked out, voice hoarse from disuse and unshed tears. Logically, he knew that it wasn’t Magnus, but his heart wasn’t ready - would never be ready - to let go of Magnus Bane.

“Sorry, buddy. Just me.”

“Jace, look, I’m not really in the mood to talk.”

“I don’t care if you are or aren’t we’re going to talk about why your heart feels like it weighs fifty pounds.” Of course Jace could feel his heartache - Alec had always been able to feel when Jace was hurting, but Alec was better at controlling his emotions and Jace had never been able to feel him as easily. “Alec, talk to me. Is it Magnus?” Alec nodded mutely, not trusting his voice. “What happened? Did he-”

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