One of my profs was talking about the counter cultural background of a film movement and he said “it’s because we were the freaks, we were outcasts” and I’m like…. you were a straight white man in the 1960s who just didn’t like mainstream pop culture. You chose to be punk, metal, etc, every phase you went through, you weren’t some kid whose parents rejected them bc they were gay/trans/etc. You’re not an outcast if you chose to be one, if you could safely abandon the things you think “made you different” at any time.

having emotions about the ways in which ronan is able to offer or accept intimacy / gentleness… that he uses crutches (alcohol, substances, late nights, extremely stressful circumstances, his physical absence) to try and Get Away with it like it’s not allowed, that he shows affection in gestures and gifts but has to sneak them in under the radar, that doesn’t feel like he deserves kindness or reciprocation gosh im so SAD.