Depending on how you look at it, Mary Ellen Samuels’ plot to kill her husband tumbled into the realm of a Coen Brothers movie when she decided to hire a small army of hitmen to get the job done.

The motive wasn’t complex: She stood to receive $500,000 in the event of his death. After spending two years waiting for the guy to be hit by a passing meteorite, she decided the universe was taking way too long to reward her with her fortune and hired a hitman to kill her unsuspecting husband. Unfortunately, the hitman she hired, James Bernstein, just couldn’t manage to get it done. After three failed attempts to snuff the dude out, Bernstein did what any stressed-out freelancer would do – he outsourced the job. Meaning, he hired another guy to do the murdering for him.

Either the second hitman was a savant or Bernstein was a complete moron, because he managed to get the job done with slightly more than zero effort – he simply walked into the Samuels’ home and shot Mary Ellen’s husband.

With her husband (finally) out of the way, Mary Ellen got her money and embarked on a post-murder shopping spree, splurging on, as the L.A. Times reported, “fake fur coats, trips to Las Vegas, and custom-made outfits from a store called Trashy Lingerie” (all the while failing to pay for her dead husband’s headstone). When the cops inevitably came knocking, Mary Ellen hired two more hitmento kill Bernstein, to get rid of all the loose ends tying her to her husband’s murder. As zany as her plan was, it might have actually worked, had she been able to resist keeping Bernstein’s wallet as a trophy. (You may recognize hanging on to an incriminating piece of evidence as a “loose end.” Congratulations! You’re better at murder than Mary Ellen Samuels was.)

The 6 Most Unnecessarily Complicated Murder Plots

thepasswordistvtropes asked:

Everyone is confused but relieved by the lack of a Gender Swap AU.

Okay so I’m personally not the biggest fan of gender swaps, but I think statistically speaking there have to be some universes where the guys are female right?  Or we could have trans aus?

At any rate all I can imagine is one of the female alternates showing up (of course it’s Ryan in my head, because isn’t it always) and one of the guys starts making all kinds of googly eyes at her (oh no I’m imagining it as hopeless-with-girls Vav and it’s getting adorable, curse my freewood trash heart) and he’s just “oh my god she’s gorgeous, who is she, what is she doing here?”

Since I guess he figures she actually belongs in this universe.  And then he finds out it’s a Ryan.  That’s he’s essentially got a crush on a version of the Mad King.  Cue the panic and self-loathing because this SIMPLY WILL NOT DO OKAY.  (It doesn’t help that she’s more vanilla muffin than… um, evil muffin)

Canadian Media Mogul Blasts ‘Clueless’ York U Administration After Pulling Funds Over Anti-Israel Mural (INTERVIEW), by Ruthie Blum

“I pulled everything,” he said. “Money, production equipment, seminars, open houses with students, learning labs and training programs. The students have everyone at the university to blame, from the president on down.”

“These guys don’t bloody get it; it’s that simple. They have no clue why there’s been an outcry. They’re in a land of confusion. They say it’s a free speech issue and an independent student thing, which is nonsense, because the student center where the mural is hanging is funded by the university. This is why I realized that these guys with thick skulls are not the type of people I want to support and I told them so. I also made good on my threat.”

Following Bronfman’s threat and subsequent follow-through, Shoukri released a statement on Friday to address the stir surrounding the mural.

“It is clear that the subject of the artwork is offensive to some individuals and groups, particularly Jewish members of our community,” Shoukri wrote. “The mural has given rise to a broader conversation about whether, as an institution and as individuals, we are doing all we can to ensure that all members of our community feel welcome and supported.”

According to the Canadian Jewish News, Shoukri also said that he will form a “President’s Advisory Committee on Inclusion” to “ensure inclusive respectful exchange of ideas, particularly on social and political issues,” and the university will review its policies to “better foster and protect an inclusive and positive learning environment.”

Archangel is reckless and idealistic, and he’s single-handedly policing this whole wretched hive of scum space station, nbd

Archangel is personally making life a living hell for all three crime empires, and the crime bosses can’t sleep at night, nbd

Mercenary: (describing the battle between all three ruthless mercenary groups teamed up VS Archangel on his own) “it’s just not a fair fight for us :(”

Archangel took one single shot at a gunship and it exploded, nbd

I am in so much love

Just Enough (Luke)

“would you be able to do a daddy 5sos preference where he is a struggling musician and you guys have kids and are struggling to make it work but end up getting it to”

A/N:AUs like this one make me happy. I feel things. Anyway, these will each be going up on different days, so look forward to these for awhile! I used different babies, just to mix things up. Enjoy, and let me know what you think xx

You and Luke had known each other since you guys were in middle school. You had been friends for a long time, and eventually it grew into a relationship once you guys reached university. Luke studied music and you studied media technology, getting engaged halfway through your studies and marrying soon after graduation.

Now you two lived in a small studio apartment in the outskirts of town, and a few years back you had given birth to a little boy named Lincoln, who was yours and Luke’s pride and joy. Little Lincoln was now six years old, and you wanted nothing but the best for your son.

Keep reading

Okay I’m gonna gripe a bit here.

The Mario 64 video is fascinating and clever and while some jokes are really funny there is so much mean-spirited bullshit flying around. To say “this guy could have used his skills to cure cancer” (something I’ve actually seen said) is super shitty. Who cares if his passion is Mario 64? You sound no different from the “get a real job” tools who like to hate on off the wall careers or angry parents who run down kids’ passions. Sure, it’s complex and downright bizarre stuff, but god it is impressive as hell.

Really big difference between jokes and mean-spirited putdowns, folks. You go, Mario 64 guy.


1- Marianette (Fnaf 2 Oc) vincent love that child

2-Renata & Vincent

3- The first phone guy i made (horrible draw)

4-Spring bonnie suit accident and scott

5-Phone guy and Vincent (last theory i had about Phone guy and purple guy saame person)

6,7,8- Minicomic about the girlfriend of Purple guy

9-Ladies night with a Night guard

10- Bonnie Squad

11- The first missing children (it’s suppose)

now a canon time:

Did you know…

When Vincent met Renata he had already left school and was 25 years old, Vincent was paid to clean toilets in the school of Renata, seeing this same girl, invite her to take a little bit, I was led to the bathroom and when they made Brandy, Vincent unaware that she was pregnant while Renata just going to enter University with 18 years, and she leaves study for marry vincent, which offended the father of Renata saying

-You live in a dump, I could give you a better home than this pigsty-

Accepting that groove, Renata expelled from the house and Vincent gave her a life of poverty living in an apartment

i have the comic but i cant found it

“I’m sorry I wasn’t enough for you.” I told him, “I’m sorry for not being pretty enough. I’m sorry for not being skinny enough. I’m sorry for being something I can’t change.” I shook my head, “and you want to know what else I’m sorry for?”

His blank stare into my eyes was enough for me to continue, “I’m sorry if your ego is the size of the entire solar system. I’m sorry that instead of 3 am talks, your lips were smeared red with some others girls lipstick. I’m sorry if your universe, doesn’t collide with mine”

And with that, I walked away. I glanced behind me, expecting him to be gone, but instead there stood a different guy.

This guy, he was broken, he had enough and he was breaking more and more.

This guy, oh this guy, this was the man I had met before he turned into the man he is now.

—  lifeandfeelingssuck// so be it, I’m already gone

hal jordan is such an underappreciated character. like, this guy does not tolerate bullshit. he doesn’t tolerate the use of fear to oppress and intimidate people. his will is unbreakable. most heroes struggle with their cities but hal undertook the whole universe. hal is exactly the kinda guy who once his ring is depleted will take a fucking run at you with his bare hands. 

i really love hal jordan

anonymous asked:

That you know of, have the SPN writers, actors, or producers ever explicitly stated that Dean is straight?

Not that I can find. I’ve seen several claims that they have but those people never provide a source and my attempts at finding one always come up empty. A couple years ago Kripke was asked about homoerotic subtext in his show Revolution and said “I’m just really interested in guys - straight guys - who have a tight friendship” which will sometimes get spread around as proof that Dean’s straight but Kripke wasn’t even talking about Supernatural in that interview.

There’s a good chance that Kripke did conceive Dean as being straight when he first started writing the series. Kripke also conceived Supernatural as a world where angels don’t exist. When they started planning the first season other writers brought up angels and he said no way, they continued bringing it up and for three years Kripke said angels aren’t right for the Supernatural universe. He changed his mind when they started planning season 4. Just because a writer conceives a world, or a character, a certain way doesn’t mean that’s where the story will go. 

Vanilla (A Julian Draxler One-Shot)

                      “I thought you said you had class tomorrow.”

                        “And I do. Two classes actually. On a Saturday.” With a frown, the girl mumbled, more to herself “Is that even legal?”

                        “Then aren’t you supposed to be at home, under the covers, getting some proper rest, like a nice, responsible girl?”

                        Snorting, Luiza replied “Jule, we both know who is the nice and responsible half of this relationship and it sure ain’t me.”

Keep reading

OKAY WELL, here’s the sum total of everything I know about the X-Files, mostly pieced together from things @do-you-have-a-flag has said.

As far as I can tell, it’s about Mulder and Scully, and they investigate some X files. Whatever they are. Scully is played by Bedelia from Hannibal and she is a really smart…. something…. and she’s 110% fed up with Mulder all the time. Mulder is played by David Duchovny (why won’t he love me). He loves aliens and throws pencils at his ceiling.

Then there are the lone gunmen who are played by Hollywood Steve and some other guys, and they also believe aliens exist? Like I assume they’re kind of like Ronaldo from Steven Universe but there’s three (?) of them and they’re also cowboys.

Also is there a guy who smokes all the time or was that twin peaks?? You were watching them around the same time so I think I might have them mixed up a bit. 

Ummmmm okay so plot wise like I know it’s got to do with aliens, and Mulder and Scully do a lot of squatting. Are they a thing? I know people ship them and one time Scully got drunk and tried to hook up with Mulder but it was really an alien (??????). Actually a lot of the time I can’t tell whether there’s actual aliens in the show because the only antagonists I can remember are someone who is super into the brady bunch and something to do with caddyshack? And then Mulder accidentally deletes everyone on earth. Does he disappear at one point? I think so. Are the aliens good? are the aliens bad? Do they even exist? Who knows. I think one of them is into Cher. All I do know for sure is, David Duchovny is floating above me, in the alien light of the spaceship of love.

anonymous asked:

CONCEPT: The Punchback of Notre Dame University. Story: Basically this guy named Quasi is in a frat at Notre Dame University and at one of the parties, he falls asleep. As punishment, his frat bros tape the punchbowl to his back and never let him live it down. And so he is now known as, the Punchback of Notre Dame University. Can you do this concept art bc I think it's hilarious and you're so freaking talented!

me and the ladz bought a cat when we were in university and we had some great time with little zakki….its upsetting that he passed away but I’m sure if you were to ask any of us the best time we had they would say the time we spent with this little guy….I remember I would be praying and he would just sit between my legs like he is in this picture….he was the cutest thing ever, he destroyed my room at every chance he got….love the little guy…miss him and in Shaa allah we all see him in jannah ameen @a-repenting-sinner

Honestly Diego’s character developement goes from “weird british dude that eats rocks” to “stunningly attractive british man who can turn into a dinosaur at will”

Came to realize one thing about my OCs

Probably some of you guys do this to your OCs as well, but whenever I create one, I feel like I have to give it a role or a universe/anime whether a new one or an existing of my own. For example, Tracy Johnson, his universe/anime is called Zombie Feelings which in this world it’s about zombie apocalypses but strange ones and he and his friends are trying to survive.

The challenge of watching Legends of Tomorrow with tiny humans:

“Is that Iron Man? Is he like Iron Man and Ant-Man?”

“Yeah. Good way to describe it. His name’s Atom.”

“Wait, Hawkguy? I thought he has a bow and arrow?”

“No guys, this is Batman Universe. That’s HawkMAN. He’s got wings.”

“But you said Hawkguy was in Batman universe.”

“Uh, yeah. Because he was. He’s a member of the Justice League too. This is why I call him Clint and not his code name.”

“So where’s the Hulk in this show?”

“Guys, Batman and Hulk don’t live in the same universe…”

“But Hawkguy-”

“Hawkeye. And it was one time. It doesn’t matter.”

“Why does this look like Doctor Who?”

“Because that guy was in Doctor Who.”


My phone just rang and someone left a message for a Steve about a time sensitive position that was opening up

so i thought I would do Steve a favor and tell the guy that he got the wrong number

I returned the call and the guy was really apologetic and he said, but hey you sound so professional on the phone what do you do

so i told him i worked in a call center and he asked me how i liked it and i said i was looking for another job 

he took my name and said that he’d check to see if there were any offices in Utah and that he would give me a call back tomorrow.

sometimes the universe is a strange place