he said you missed the french fry

cr1tikal meme 

  • i’m gonna call your parents and tell them you pissed all over the house. then i’m going to piss all over the house to really sell it.
  • let me just murder this asshole real quick.
  • although my physical appearance may not look it, i am human.
  • he’s got some serious wheels, but i’ll take him down.
  • be advised,  POTUS has gone crowd surfing.
  • i’m gonna coat this bitch in grapeseed so he slips and kills himself. that’ll teach him.
  • he looks like he’s about to cry. he looks like he’s in perpetual misery.
  • your mouth says “not bad”, but your eyes say “everything’s bad.”
  • you can’t tell by my face, but i’m happy too.
  • what the fuck is going on? is this guy trying to speak underwater?
  • phones cant mumble, where the fuck are you from, you neanderthal? 
  • this is some hogwash and a half.
  • he’s a big strong man, with big strong nipples.
  • tally-ho, pussy.
  • it’s four o’clock; time to scream.
  • i am thor with a smaller hammer and less lightning. 
  • he’s ready to break some dicks and eat some bricks.
  • son of a fucking open door.
  • this dirty boy don’t ever get clean.
  • got the hang of what, small micro-penis dick-man?
  • is that a french fry wearing a plaid shirt?
  • i don’t think he fell asleep. he looks like he was shot by a high caliber sniper round.
  • today i am answering life’s most troubling questions: who made backpacks? 
  • look, i’m sorry i hit you with my axe a couple hundred times.
  • the fuck is this hostility? i said “excuse me.” 
  • i have a sneaking suspicion that __ is possessed by a very happy demon.
  • this man’s missing his head and his arm.
  • don’t force feed me. not in front of grandma. 
  • oh, did you mean me? sorry, i was just over here, busting a move.
  • they call this move the “soggy grandpa.”
  • i have forearms made of titanium. 
  • time to drift this bitch out of here.
  • i didn’t want my hand put back on, let alone by staples.
  • you deranged, michael stevens-looking motherfucker.
  • real men use their hips, not their fists.
  • throw some dollar bills my way, i’ll throw my ass in a circle.
  • i’ve never invited you to dinner, and i never will, now.
  • where do you think you’re going? say my name again.
  • let me tell you why your father is an asshole.
  • they look like tonka toys strapped to a punching bag.
  • holy shit. where did that janitor come from?
  • clearly i can’t find the door, you son of a bitch.
  • oh shit, what the fuck? did a little ballet maneuver and skedaddled.
  • you’ve gotta be putting my groceries away.
  • they’re calling back, they want that pussy.
  • does she have bigger tits, is that the problem?
  • if you’re hungry, maybe you should go and eat shit.
  • nothing quenches my thirst like some nice liquid chlamydia. 
  • if its in his room i’m going to eat my asshole.
  • of course i’m going to call that turbo dickhead, why wouldn’t i?
Unusual Weapons

Dean Winchester x Reader

1350 Words

Story Summary: During a weird hunt, Dean and the reader come across a unique ghost who was using the weirdest weapons to kill people. 

This is for  @jalove-wecallhimdean  and her We Kicked It’s Ass Superbusters Challenge!! My line was “That thing is having the time of it’s life.” And I’m not sure how I came up with the story, lol.

You never expected to find a ghost hunt funny. Gross, sure. Annoying, even more so. But never funny. Usually they were whiny, pathetic shells of their former selves, hell bent on staying and causing disruption. Sometimes even turning evil.

This hunt had been weird from the get go. Sam had ended up staying back in the hotel room, a horrible sprained ankle that kept him from hobbling on those long legs of his. Usually he was tough enough to ignore the pain and continue on, but when your ankle is bruised and swollen, he had been forced to stay back.

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Coming out of the darkness

Title: Coming Out Of The Darkness

Fandom: Bendy and the Ink Machine

Summary: Bendy and Boris finally get to leave the workshop in broad daylight, their day led by Henry….but things take turn for the worse…

Let me tell you a small poem first about what’s in this story.

Roses are Red,
I love my Senpai, If you hate yaoi, I can only tell you bye-bye!
“Are you guys ready?”, Henry asked. “Yep”, Bendy and Boris replied. Bendy was dressed in his frilly tutu and a white shirt reading, “Burn after use”. Boris was wearing his overalls with a white undershirt reading, “Bad to the bone”.

Henry lifted a camera and said, “It’s 8:30 AM, July, 27th, 2017 and I will show Me and Joey’s creations the real world. Let’s go”, Henry said.

He grabbed the door knob as the trio walked down some stairs. When sunlight was let through, Bendy jumped back. “What is it?”, He asked. Henry smiled. “You’ve never seen daylight? I guess that’s what I can expect for someone to be locked up for 30 years”.

Bendy cautiously walked forward. “It’s not so bad!”, He said happily, in his cheery high-pitched voice.

“Bendy, We actually see daylight!”, Boris said, his southern accent stronger then usual.

Henry then pushed the door open to it’s full length. Bendy’s eyes widened in surprise. There was so many…people! Cars, shops and little children were everywhere!

[I’m gonna assume the workshop is located some where in New York City in 2017, around the Manhattan area and the workshop’s purpose to look old-fashioned and all the things you see were items to preserve how people in the 1920’s lived. This is because the gameplay reminded me of museum for some reason]

Henry led them out into the street. The two were looking around. “I never knew the sky was blue!”, Bendy said. “That’s ‘cause our shows were in black in white buddy!”, Boris replied.

The trio wandered the city as Bendy and Boris were having fun experiencing the real world. Citizens were looking at them oddly. Some were frightened. Perhaps it was when Bendy left footprints of ink, it would run up to him and return to it’s source.

Then Bendy pointed to a restaurant. “What’s that?”, He asked Henry curiously. “That’s a place where people eat. It’s called a ‘restaurant’ Bendy”, Henry replied.

“Can we try it?”, Bendy asked. “I’m not even sure that
1) You guys can eat human food and
2) I’m not sure I can afford it. Let’s head on to Wendy’s”, Henry said holding Bendy’s hand.

Boris looked jealous as Henry was holding Bendy’s hand.

“Gorsh! Bendy is mine! Why is he holding his hand?! He should be holding mine!”, Boris thought.

The trio reached their destination. “We call this a 'fast food chain’ restaurant”, Henry said pushing the doors open. Everything seemed to have froze when the three entered.

The three made their way past the crowd and up to the second floor eating area. They found some seats.

“I’ll go get us some food. You two stay put”, Henry said leaving. Bendy smiled and said, “Looks like it’s just us Boris”.

Boris’s heart raced. This felt just like a date. He was flustered then said, “G-G-Golly! You are right Bendy!”.

Bendy giggled and said, “You are so adorable when you’re submissive!”.

Boris felt like having a nosebleed. Then flash hit the two of them.

The two turned in the direction of the flash. It was a little boy.

“You are two are some weird looking monsters!”, He said. His little sister said, “Never knew it was Halloween in July”.

The two high-fived each other and laughed.

[My canon is that Bendy is a master at cards. Think about it. Him and Boris played cards together to pass time for all those 30 years. Why the hell not? Bendy keeps them hidden and uses them to play games or…]

Then they froze when Bendy threw one of his cards at the wall. The card landed on the wall between the two siblings.

He made a fan with the cards as his eye turned red and as he looked at them and said, “Ace of Hearts”.

The siblings looked as pale as a ghost as the two ran away. Bendy’s eye turned back to normal.

Him and Boris had a nice conversation until Henry came back. “What’s this?”, He asked poking a burger.

“Try it. It’s a cheeseburger”, Henry said taking a bite out of his. Bendy took a small bite. His eyes widened.

“WOW!”, He said in amazement. He ate it all in one gulp. He took a fry and ate it. “Woah! What’s it called Henry?!”.

“It’s called 'French Fries’. They taste good with ketchup”, Henry replied. “Hey Boris, you are not gonna eat? You are missing out on some great food!”, Bendy said.

“Nah”, He replied his stomach rumbling. “Maybe a bite or two”. He took a bite out of his burger. “WOAH”, He said out loud. He ate as fast as Bendy from that point forward.

“I bought a extra burger. Who wants it?”, Henry asked. Bendy and Boris stared at each other.

“This. Means. WAR.”, The two said. Henry said, “Why not shar-”, He started but was cut off by death glares.

“Fight me Boris! You are not getting that burger!”, Bendy said getting up. “Bite me demon! You are not getting MY burger!”, Boris said getting up as well.

Henry cut the burger in half and handed it to the two. “Truce?”, Bendy asked. “Truce”, Boris said.

After some burgers, they wandered around the city some more. “Let’s take the subway!”, Bendy said.

“We could head on to Coney Island”, Henry said. “Let’s go!”, Bendy said. “Ok fine”, Henry said.

When they arrived at the toll, Henry simply swiped his metro card and said, “Wait here”. He opened the emergency door. “Hurry up! Over here”, He said.

The trio then arrived at the platforms. “Music!”, Bendy said. “Thankfully, I bring Buttons where ever I go!”, Boris said.

“MUSIC & DANCE BATTLE!”, The two then said. The two reached where the jazz music was playing. Boris took out buttons and played his clarinet.

Bendy was in his ballet starting position. His feet turned to taps shoes as he danced in rhythm to the music.

People cheered. Henry got through the crowd and got a close up of Bendy dancing. Then a man with a large stereo walked to the middle. “Dance to this!”, He said blasting out rap music.

Bendy’s feet became Jordan’s as he danced to “Juju on that beat” and other songs. He did the impossible as he used his tail to help him to tricky moved.

Then the train arrived. Bendy shape shifted his feet back into his ballet shoes. The trio waved good-bye to the crowd as the doors closed.

The trio were talking about the fun they had when they arrived in Coney Island. Bendy’s eyes widened. “Henry, what is this?!?!”, He asked.

“It what we call a place of joy. A amusement park”, Henry said. The trio went on many rides and funhouses as they had the time of their lives. That is until…

“NYPD! PUT YOUR HANDS UP WHERE WE CAN SEE THEM”, The police yelled as the trio were about to leave the park.

“What did we do?!”, Bendy asked. One cop came up to the three. “We got calls about a weird creatures wandering our city and even videos about you on social media”.

Bendy sighed. Helicopters could bd heard above them. Eventually they were taken to prison.

“Henry…I’m sorry”, Bendy said via telepathy. For what?“, Henry answered. We didn’t mean to cause trouble honestly”, Bendy said sadly. “It’s ok Benster. Let’s dip and see how much we can have in one day”, Henry said mischievously.

Soon the three were free to go. Under one condition. Bendy and Boris had to wear trackers. As soon as they were far away from that place Bendy said, “I could always use my demon powers”.

Bendy put his fists together and chanted some words as his eyes turned red. A pentagram that glowed bright red accompanied his fiery eyes. “Chains of bond break free, and be gone eternally!”, His last words were.

The trackers fell right of. Bendy’s eyes returned to their shade of ink black. Soon the two decided to hang out at Astoria park.

“The grass…it’s so soft and green”, Bendy said. “The dirt is brown here, not black!”, Boris said happily.

The two laid down on the soft grass. The trio were doing great….Then a tragedy occurred.

A man ran up to Bendy and kidnapped him by tying his hands together and tossing him a sack.

He was on top of the hill when Bendy yelled out, “SOMEONE HELP ME!! HELP ME!! BORIS!! HENRY!! HELP ME!!”.

The two quickly got up and saw Bendy reaching out for them. Henry said, “BENDY!! NO!! HANG ON!! WE’RE COMING!!”.

Boris saw a sight he would never forget. Bendy’s face, full of fear and tears, screaming for help. That was the things keep him up at night. That was the one nightmare he could never get rid of.

His eyes turned blood red. “Demon powers? No time for asking now! I gotta save Bendy!”, Boris thought.

Henry was on his way up when Boris got on all fours and began pursuit. Bendy was kicking and squirming, trying to escape.

His eyes turned ruby red. His corrupted form took over. A red pentagram glowed brightly on his forehead. “Demon hands!”, He yelled.

He felt the man fall, as he hit his head badly. He returned to his normal form as the pentagram faded away. Bendy felt a weak as he felt the man get up and run even faster.

His vision faded to static as he closed his eyes. “B-Boris…H-Henry…”, He whispered as some ink ran down the side of his head. He passed out cold a few moments later.

Boris sensed him losing Bendy’s brain waves.

[They talk via telepathy when there is a show and they can’t talk during it to ruin it]

He went faster this time. “Bendy! Hold in there little buddy! I’m coming! I’ll save you!”, Boris said.

Then with a mighty pounce, he tried to tackle the man but failed. Henry saw and stopped to help him.

The two looked into the distance to see the man, with Bendy, gone.

Henry said, “What are we going to do?….We don’t where that man took him….”. That’s when Boris changed form.

He fully submitted to his demon powers. Inside his head, Bendy’s father, Satan was talking to him.

~Inside his head is a mental connection to Hell~

“Ahh, Boris. Your parents are still one of my finest second and third in command. My only son spoke highly of you. What is your reason for calling me?”, Satan asked.

“I would like for you to grant me full access of my demon powers”, Boris said.

“Your not part of our ranks…Yet”, His parents intervened.

“Second in command, General Pierce and Third in command General Windrixia wish to intervene my leige”, General Pierce said.

“Accepted. Continue”, Satan replied. “Mother, Father! We haven’t spoke in years!”, Boris said.

“Tell us son, why do you need your demon powers?”, General Windrixia asked.

“My beloved parents and ruler of hell, i’m sorry to inform you but…”, Boris started.

“'But’ what?”, The three asked. Boris gulped. The next words his said made Satan’s heart sink.

“Ruler of Hell, your only son has been abducted by notherless…humans”, Boris said shakily.

“H-How?!”, General Pierce said. “A man tossed Bendy in a sack and ran off with him”, Boris explained.

“Bendy?! The liege’s son?!”, General Windrixia said in shock. “T-That’s impossible! Bendy’s powers were awakened a long time ago!”, General Windrixia lashed out.

“Bendy was knocked unconscious. We were trained in telepathy while Joey, our summoner was still alive. After Bendy has eliminated him, we still had that power. As we speak, he hasn’t gained consciousness. I feel his brainwaves, but I can’t locate him”, Boris said quickly.

Satan quickly said, “I will awakened the powers that you wish Boris. If you bring me back my son within 48 hours, You will keep those powers. If you fail, your demise is certain. I will retrieve my son MYSELF if I have to”.

The generals said, “My Liege!”.

“Sire, that will cause God to attack is with all his force! Hell and Heaven made a treaty saying that if you trespass Earth, everybody’s demise is as clear as day!”, General Pierce pointed out.

“Sire, allow your army to retrieve your son!”, General Windrixia said.

“This is my ONLY son we are talking about. If your son brings him back to me, I will also arrange a marriage between the two of them”.

Boris gasped. Married…to none other then Bendy?! The only son of Satan, Ruler of Hell?! Sweet, innocent Bendy?! That was what he desired the most.

The two generals were quiet before Boris said, “I accept your proposal. I will return with your son!”.

Satan smirked. “Very well. I will awaken your powers. Remember, if you do not return with my son, I WILL PERSONALLY KILL YOU”, He said threateningly. Boris looked at him with determination. “I still accept”.

Satan said, “These powers will not come easily. Are you ready to take them in?”. Boris said, “Come at me with all your force”. Satan said, “As you wish”. Boris screamed and held in the pain as his powers were awakened.

Satan quickly whisked Boris back to earth. Boris grabbed his head as he felt his powers being awakened.

~End Mental connection~

Satan got up from his throne and walked up to Boris’s parents.

Satan chuckled. “You have raised a decent son for my Bendy. Are you two prepared to YOUR son and my only child to be heirs to my throne?”, He asked.

The generals nodded. “We will make sure of that our son is the leader we molded him into”.
Henry said, “Boris! Are you ok?!”, He said as he saw Boris rolling on the sidewalk.

“S-Stay back!”, He yelled as he pushed Henry away. Henry looked at the sky to see it turn dark as night. Henry hit a gate as he looked at what was happening to Boris.

Boris floated in mid-air as he had a pentagram below him as his gloves broke and became razor sharp claws, His clothing torn part as they fell like pieces of paper, his demon tail coming out, and the symbol of the element of fire glowing bright red on his forehead.

He howled at the moon in the sky. “Demon powers from Boris?! But Joey told me only Bendy has them unless…He’s a demon as well!”, Henry thought.

Boris leaped into the night. Henry saw a skateboard and grabbed it. He put on the helmet and got on it. He quickly followed Boris.

Boris sniffed the air. “I SMELL YOU SWEETHEART~”, He said in a corrupted voice in slight static.

Henry fell, but quickly got up and skated quickly after Boris.

Boris was leaping off the tops of buildings as he felt Bendy’s smell grow.

That smell. The smell that mistakes anybody. That same smell that makes Bendy’s victims say, “What Demon?”. That smell that Boris couldn’t get enough of. The smell of flowers in a garden on a sunny day.

Boris felt full of determination. He was gonna rescue Bendy no matter what!

After a couple of minutes, the duo stopped. Boris said, “Manhole. Well then, let’s go shall we?”, He said picking up the lid.

Henry nodded. He got off the skateboard and placed it on his back and followed Boris.

The two were wandering when Boris stopped. Below they saw the unthinkable.

Bendy was in a capsule as he was pounding on the door . Then the capsule was moved by two men onto a experimental table.

“It’s gonna be fun dissecting this one”, A hooded man said. “We are gonna do the same thing to this like we did to that wolf?”, Another hooded man questioned.

“Yep. Sadly, the boss was killed by this thing”, The hooded man replied pointing to Bendy.

Via telepathy, Boris heard Bendy screaming and crying his heart out, “BORIS! HENRY! HELP ME! LET ME OUT OF HERE! HELP ME! Someone… Please… Help Me…”.

Henry whispered something into Boris’s ear and Boris nodded. “Good plan”, he whispered back.

Henry lowered himself behind the two hooded men and bonked their heads. The two fell to the ground.

Boris quickly looked for other hooded men and jumped out from his hiding spot.

He lifted the capsule back straight up and Bendy was smiling and crying tears of joy.

With a mighty scratch, the capsule broke. Boris opened the broken door and helped Bendy out.

Bendy smiled and said, “My hero” and gave Boris a small kiss. Henry was fangirling at the two of them.

Boris carried Bendy bridal style all the way back to the surface. The morning sun was about to rise.

The trio took a good glance of the sun rising. Boris and Bendy shared another kiss.

“I promised your dad you’ll be home in 48 hours”, Boris said in his normal form.

“What are we waiting for? Let’s take the train back to the workshop”, Bendy said. Boris and Henry nodded.

Once the trio arrived back to the workshop, they all went towards the basement. “We’ll be back soon”, Boris said as He and Bendy stood on the pentagram and disappeared.

Henry realized after the two left there was something on it. It was an envelope. He opened it and found a ticket and a card.

The ticket read, “This is a temporary pass to hell”. Henry read the card.

“Dear Henry,
Bendy’s father told me if I brought Bendy back, he would arrange a marriage between the two of us. If you’re reading this, you are invited to our wedding!
It will be held October, 31st, 2017. The ticket will grant you access to enter hell for our wedding. After everything, it’ll send you back to Earth. See you at the wedding!

Boris, groom-to-be”.

Henry nodded. “At least Boris was nice enough to invite me even though it was my boss who dissected him….and at least he invited me to HIS wedding”, He said rolling his eyes.

Back at hell, Satan rejoiced at the return of his son. The two generals smiled at their son’s accomplishment.

~A Couple of months later~

It was deep in the night as the wedding ceremony began. The organs played, and even some other cartoon characters went as well.

“Boris the Wolf, do you take the only child of Satan to be your lawful wife?”, Satan asked.

(Since Bendy is uke, the term 'wife’ suited him. I’m not denying that he’s a boy)

“I do”, Boris said. He lifted Bendy’s veil.

“Bendy, my sweet child, do you take Boris the Wolf to be your lawful husband?”, Satan asked.

“I Do!”, Bendy said happily. The two held each other’s hands as two similar looking rings appeared on their fingers.

Bendy’s read, “Love you always, Boris”. Bendy blushed a little and smiled sweetly.

Boris’s read, “Love since the first show, Bendy”. Boris smiled at the concept of the message and giggled a little.

Satan smiled and said, “Then by the power invested in me as ruler of Hell, I pronounce you Husband and Wife”.

Everybody cheered as the two kissed. Afterwards, Boris carried Bendy bridal style off the many boxes he had to stand on to reach Boris’s level of height.

Mickey gave Bendy a box of pregnancy tests and said, “Too much bloodline huh?”, much to Boris’s amusement, and Oswald gave Boris a paint brush. “Try it sometime! Now after years, you’ll be in color!”, He said.

Minnie gave Bendy a bottle of perfume. Daisy gave Boris some cologne. Orenestia gave Bendy a box of condoms, once again to Boris and Oswald’s amusement.

“Donald…Do I need this?”, Bendy asked being handed a album CD and a Vinyl record player. “Yes. Take it”, Donald said. Bendy sighed and smiled. “Thank you”, He said.

After all the gifts, The two decided to go and dance in the garden.

Bendy’s changed from his wedding dress to his ballet attire, the one he loved dearly. It has a white top reading, “The Dancing Demon” and a pastel pink tutu. His feet turned into ballet shoes.

Boris took out his trusty clarinet, Buttons. Bendy got into his starting position and Boris began playing.

Bendy danced gracefully to Boris’s music. Fireflies joined in with Bendy as he danced in rhythm with their lights.

Boris smiled as he kept on playing. Oswald was filming Bendy dancing and Mickey and Minnie were too busy drinking.

Bendy saw a fountain as he danced on the circular shape around it. He did some somersaults and gymnastics to the best of his ability.

Then Boris danced along side Bendy as he put Buttons on “Auto-Play” and danced along side Bendy.

The two danced under a bright blanket of stars. You know, It almost seemed like the stars were dancing with them. As the stars twinkled above, Bendy and Boris spent every minute with each other.

This was all Boris wanted. Him and Bendy, a loving couple. Looks like dreams come true.

Bendy laughed. This was all he ever wanted. Non-stop love from Boris. He laughed. Joey would never come between them ever again. Who was laughing now?!

As the two kept on dancing, eventually, they sat down and cuddled. Their fingers intertwined.

Boris kissed Bendy and Bendy returned it. This was a dream come true. This is the sweet reality both want. They wanted this to last forever…

The two are like doves, under the stars will they will be in love.

~The End~
I wrote this fanfic especially for you! It’s also on my Achieve of our own account “PepsiGo”! Could you please draw a scene from the story?

Answer: Maybe i well but not at the moment, but i well 😅 Also this is a really good story😀
Easy as ABC... Q and Z

A/N: Sorry this is coming up so late in the day… my brain has been so fried today! Congrats to our winners who guessed what Q and Z were!! 
Velina over at vellinafrommars and Marina who chose to remain anonymous!

Remember this weeks guesses go over to cherrywhisp and if you’re not subscribed to her please do so because the next chapter will come to her tumblr!!

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