he said you missed the french fry

cr1tikal meme 

  • i’m gonna call your parents and tell them you pissed all over the house. then i’m going to piss all over the house to really sell it.
  • let me just murder this asshole real quick.
  • although my physical appearance may not look it, i am human.
  • he’s got some serious wheels, but i’ll take him down.
  • be advised,  POTUS has gone crowd surfing.
  • i’m gonna coat this bitch in grapeseed so he slips and kills himself. that’ll teach him.
  • he looks like he’s about to cry. he looks like he’s in perpetual misery.
  • your mouth says “not bad”, but your eyes say “everything’s bad.”
  • you can’t tell by my face, but i’m happy too.
  • what the fuck is going on? is this guy trying to speak underwater?
  • phones cant mumble, where the fuck are you from, you neanderthal? 
  • this is some hogwash and a half.
  • he’s a big strong man, with big strong nipples.
  • tally-ho, pussy.
  • it’s four o’clock; time to scream.
  • i am thor with a smaller hammer and less lightning. 
  • he’s ready to break some dicks and eat some bricks.
  • son of a fucking open door.
  • this dirty boy don’t ever get clean.
  • got the hang of what, small micro-penis dick-man?
  • is that a french fry wearing a plaid shirt?
  • i don’t think he fell asleep. he looks like he was shot by a high caliber sniper round.
  • today i am answering life’s most troubling questions: who made backpacks? 
  • look, i’m sorry i hit you with my axe a couple hundred times.
  • the fuck is this hostility? i said “excuse me.” 
  • i have a sneaking suspicion that __ is possessed by a very happy demon.
  • this man’s missing his head and his arm.
  • don’t force feed me. not in front of grandma. 
  • oh, did you mean me? sorry, i was just over here, busting a move.
  • they call this move the “soggy grandpa.”
  • i have forearms made of titanium. 
  • time to drift this bitch out of here.
  • i didn’t want my hand put back on, let alone by staples.
  • you deranged, michael stevens-looking motherfucker.
  • real men use their hips, not their fists.
  • throw some dollar bills my way, i’ll throw my ass in a circle.
  • i’ve never invited you to dinner, and i never will, now.
  • where do you think you’re going? say my name again.
  • let me tell you why your father is an asshole.
  • they look like tonka toys strapped to a punching bag.
  • holy shit. where did that janitor come from?
  • clearly i can’t find the door, you son of a bitch.
  • oh shit, what the fuck? did a little ballet maneuver and skedaddled.
  • you’ve gotta be putting my groceries away.
  • they’re calling back, they want that pussy.
  • does she have bigger tits, is that the problem?
  • if you’re hungry, maybe you should go and eat shit.
  • nothing quenches my thirst like some nice liquid chlamydia. 
  • if its in his room i’m going to eat my asshole.
  • of course i’m going to call that turbo dickhead, why wouldn’t i?
Unusual Weapons

Dean Winchester x Reader

1350 Words

Story Summary: During a weird hunt, Dean and the reader come across a unique ghost who was using the weirdest weapons to kill people. 

This is for  @jalove-wecallhimdean  and her We Kicked It’s Ass Superbusters Challenge!! My line was “That thing is having the time of it’s life.” And I’m not sure how I came up with the story, lol.

You never expected to find a ghost hunt funny. Gross, sure. Annoying, even more so. But never funny. Usually they were whiny, pathetic shells of their former selves, hell bent on staying and causing disruption. Sometimes even turning evil.

This hunt had been weird from the get go. Sam had ended up staying back in the hotel room, a horrible sprained ankle that kept him from hobbling on those long legs of his. Usually he was tough enough to ignore the pain and continue on, but when your ankle is bruised and swollen, he had been forced to stay back.

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                  “I know, I know, say nothing more.”

That unimpressed look said more than words ever could. Kuroo was starting to think that he should call himself the angry french fry whisperer. He grins, not letting up the fact that he’d missed that dinosaur nerd, though it was probably obvious at this point.

                                 “You missed me, and that’s okay, I’m here now.”

endangeredslug-deactivated20170  asked:

Gone to the dogs prompt: Sophie and Stewert are plotting on brining their owners together... Romantically. :)

Okay, so I hope this works for you  … . . this is OFFICIALLY Part II of my Goneto the Dogs Rumbelle series.  Thank you for the prompt!  I am still taking prompts for this verse if anyone else is interested! 

Matchmakers

Gold walked out of Granny’s Diner carrying a bag which contained his lunch, which he held in the same hand as his cane, and held Stewart’s leash on the other end. Granny didn’t permit animals in her establishment aside from service animals, but she allowed it for Mr. Gold and Stewart because – well, because he owned the lease on the property, and he informed her that is how it would be.

The moment he stepped outside, Stewart started pulling on his leash – something the well-trained dog never did. “Stewart, stop it!” Gold shouted, then he immediately saw the reason behind his dog’s bad behavior. Belle French was rounding the corner, her ginormous dog alongside her.

“Hey there, Stewart!” Belle said, smiling at the dog, who wagged his tail and barked excitedly. “Hello Ronan.” she then said, looking up at Gold.

“Hello.” Gold said dryly, looking around to make sure no one was in earshot. He never told anyone his first name, and still couldn’t believe he let this woman in on that tidbit of information. “Stewart, settle down!” Gold shouted, trying to calm the extremely happy dog.

“I’m so glad to run into you – do you think you could stay out here and watch Sophie? It’ll just be a moment, I need to go into Granny’s and get my lunch and I really prefer not to leave her tied to the fence outside.” Belle said.

“Really Miss French, who would take her? What damned fool would try to dognap a two-hundred pound monster like this?” Gold asked.

“Belle.” she said. “I told you to call me Belle.”

“Right. Belle. I’m sorry, but I do need to get back to my shop.” Gold said.

“It won’t take but a minute, it’s all ready for me, I just need to pay. Please?” Belle begged. Gold sighed.

“Alright, fine. But hurry up about it.” Gold said. He walked toward the outside patio and sat down at a table with Stewart, and Belle handed him Sophie’s leash once he was seated.

“You stay with Ronan, Sophie. Mommy will be right back.” Belle said, and she entered the shop. Sophie laid down at Gold’s feet, and Stewart snuggled up next to her. Gold looked down at them and rolled his eyes.

“Your taste in the opposite sex puzzles me, Stewart.” Gold commented under his breath. A few minutes later, Belle came out of the diner carrying her own lunch.

“Thank you so much for watching her!” Belle said. “Come on Sophie, let’s go!” Belle took Sophie’s leash, but she refused to budge. Stewart remained cuddled at her side. “Sophie – we have to go.” Sophie glanced at the empty chair across from Gold and let out a loud bark. Stewart lifted his head up and looked at Gold, and he let out a bark as well, albeit a softer one than Sophie, then the two dogs went back to cuddling one another. “I think they want us to have lunch together.”

“Oh, this is ridiculous, I do not take orders from dogs.” Gold said, and he moved to stand up. Stewart stood up and barked at Gold in a demanding tone. Gold stared at him in disbelief and sat back down just to see what the little dog would do, and the moment Gold was seated again, Stewart quieted himself and sat back down.

“Apparently you do take orders from dogs.” Belle teased. “I have a few minutes, why don’t we just eat here?” Gold sighed.

“Fine.” he replied. They both took their lunches out of their bags, and were surprised to find that they had each ordered the same thing – hamburgers, fries, and an iced tea that was situated in a cup holder in the bag to keep from spilling.

“You drink iced tea? I thought people from your part of the world only drank hot tea.” Belle said.

“Well, I drink it at home but – I’ve gotten used to the iced version, it’s not bad. Of course I wouldn’t be caught dead with it in Scotland.” Gold said, and Belle laughed a bit.

“So Granny had an interesting comment about you when I went inside.” Belle said.

“Did she now?” Gold asked.

“Yes – she wanted to know why I would trust YOU, of all people, to watch my dog. She implied that I’d best hurry up and get back out here before you poisoned her.” Belle told him, and Gold snickered a bit.

“Well – I have a complicated relationship with her. As I do with most people.” Gold said.

“Why is that?” Belle asked.

“It just is.” Gold replied. They continued to eat their lunches, an awkward silence coming between them.

“You know, I still need to visit your shop.” Belle said.

“I hope you’re not intending to bring that gigantic beast in with you, she’d be liable to break something. And from what you told me – whatever she might break, you probably couldn’t afford to replace.” Gold said.

“Sophie wouldn’t break anything, but don’t worry, I won’t bring her into your store.” Belle said. She picked up one of her French fries. “Sophie, here, you want one?” Belle asked. Sophie perked her head up, as did Stewart. “Can Stewart have one too?”

“Absolutely not.” Gold said. “Stewart is on a very particular diet, Scotties have a tendency to gain weight. Besides, he is not permitted to beg at the table.”

“Well, neither is Sophie, but if she’s being good, I do offer. One little French fry isn’t going to do him any harm, let him be a dog, for heaven’s sake, you don’t need to be so tightly wound on everything, do you?” Belle asked.

“I am not tightly wound.” Gold said.

“Oh please – look at you. You wear a three-piece suit to a DOG PARK. Who does that? Do you even own a pair of jeans?” Belle asked.

“Who are you to question my choices for MY dog, or my personal tastes, Miss French? I didn’t realize that we had reached that point in our relationship.” Gold said.

“What relationship?” Belle asked. “Since when do we have a relationship?”

“We don’t.” Gold said. “I mean – I don’t even want one. Of any kind. We just – our dogs like each other, I guess we have to deal with that as best we can.” Gold stammered nervously.

“Yes – I suppose we do.” Belle said. “So – can Stewart have a French fry or not?”

“Fine, give him the bloody French fry.” Gold said, not wanting to argue. Belle laughed as she offered each dog a small French fry. “What are you laughing at?” Gold asked.

“You.” Belle said. “You act all gruff but you cave rather quickly.” Belle gave him a flirtatious smile. “I have to go, I need to take Sophie home and get back to work. I’ll see you later, Ronan. Perhaps our dogs will arrange another lunch date for us sometime.”

“It wasn’t a date.” Gold grumbled as Belle stood up, and this time Sophie complied with her and stood up as well.

“Of course it wasn’t. We don’t even have a relationship, how could we have a date?” Belle asked. “Bye, Stewart.” Belle said, and she and Sophie walked away. Stewart jumped onto Gold’s lap, looked him straight in the eye, and let out a soft growl, as if he were chiding the man for his behavior.

“Oh, shut up.” Gold said, and he turned to watch Belle as she walked away, his eyes not moving until she was out of his sight.

Easy as ABC... Q and Z

A/N: Sorry this is coming up so late in the day… my brain has been so fried today! Congrats to our winners who guessed what Q and Z were!! 
Velina over at vellinafrommars and Marina who chose to remain anonymous!

Remember this weeks guesses go over to cherrywhisp and if you’re not subscribed to her please do so because the next chapter will come to her tumblr!!

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