he never finds it again

Violence, Abusers, and Protest

My grandfather was a generally peaceful man. He was a gardener, an EMT, a town selectman, and an all around fantastic person. He would give a friend - or a stranger - the shirt off his back if someone needed it. He also taught me some of the most important lessons I ever learned about violence, and why it needs to exist.

When I was five, my grandfather and grandmother discovered that my rear end and lower back were covered in purple striped bruises and wheals. They asked me why, and I told them that Tom, who was at that time my stepfather, had punished me. I don’t remember what he was punishing me for, but I remember the looks on their faces. 

When my mother and stepfather arrived, my grandmother took my mother into the other room. Then my grandfather took my stepfather into the hallway. He was out of my eye line, but I saw through the crack in the door on the hinge side. He slammed my stepfather against the wall so hard that the sheet rock buckled, and told him in low terms that if he ever touched me again they would never find his body. 

I absolutely believed that he would kill my stepfather, and I also believed that someone in the world thought my safety was worth killing for. 

In the next few years, he gave me a few important tips and pointers for dealing with abusers and bullies. He taught me that if someone is bringing violence to you, give it back to them as harshly as you can so they know that the only response they get is pain. He taught me that guns are used as scare tactics, and if you aren’t willing to accept responsibility for mortally wounding someone, you should never own one. He told me that if I ever had a gun aimed at me, I should accept the possibility of being shot and rush the person, or run away in a zig-zag so they couldn’t pick me off. He taught me how to break someone’s knee, how to hold a knife, and how to tell if someone is holding a gun with intent to kill. He was absolutely right, and he was one of the most peaceful people I’ve ever met. He was never, to my knowledge, violent with anyone who didn’t threaten him or his family. Even those who had, he gave chances to, like my first stepfather. 

When I was fourteen, a friend of mine was stalked by a mutual acquaintance. I was by far younger than anyone else in the social crowd; he was in his mid twenties, and the object of his “affection” was as well. Years before we had a term for “Nice Guy” bullshit, he did it all. He showed up at her house, he noted her comings and goings, he observed who she spent time with, and claimed that her niceness toward him was a sign that they were actually in a relationship.

This came to a head at a LARP event at the old NERO Ware site. He had been following her around, and felt that I was responsible for increased pressure from our mutual friends to leave her alone. He confronted me, her, and a handful of other friends in a private room and demanded that we stop saying nasty things about him. Two of our mutual friends countered and demanded that he leave the woman he was stalking alone. 

Stalker-man threw a punch. Now, he said in the aftermath that he was aiming for the man who had confronted him, but he was looking at me when he did it. He had identified me as the agent of his problems and the person who had “turned everyone against him.” His eyes were on mine when the punch landed. He hit me hard enough to knock me clean off my feet and I slammed my head into a steel bedpost on the way down.

When I shook off the stunned confusion, I saw that two of our friends had tackled him. I learned that one had immediately grabbed him, and the other had rabbit-punched him in the face. I had a black eye around one eyebrow and inner socket, and he was bleeding from his lip. 

At that time in my life, unbeknownst to anyone in the room, I was struggling with the fact that I had been molested repeatedly by someone who my mother had recently broken up with. He was gone, but I felt conflicted and worthless and in pain. I was still struggling, but I knew in that moment that I had a friend in the world who rabbit-punched a man for hitting me, and I felt a little more whole.

Later that year, I was bullied by a girl in my school. She took special joy in tormenting me during class, in attacking me in the hallways, in spreading lies and asserting things about me that were made up. She began following me to my locker, and while I watched the clock tick down, she would wait for me to open it and try to slam my hand in it. She succeeded a few times. I attempted to talk to counselors and teachers. No one did anything. Talking to them made it worse, since they turned and talked to her and she called me a “tattle” for doing it. I followed the system, and it didn’t work. 

I remembered my friend socking someone in the face when he hit me. I recalled what my grandfather had taught me, and decided that the next time she tried, I would make sure it was the last. I slammed the door into her face, then shut her head in the base of my locker, warping the aluminum so badly that my locker no longer worked. She never bothered me again. 

Violence is always a potential answer to a problem. I believe it should be a last answer - everything my grandfather taught me before his death last year had focused on that. He hadn’t built a bully or taught me to seek out violence; he taught me how to respond to it.

I’ve heard a lot of people talk recently about how, after the recent Nazi-punching incident, we are in more danger because they will escalate. That we will now see more violence and be under more threat because of it. I reject that. We are already under threat. We are already being attacked. We are being stripped of our rights, we are seeing our loved ones and our family reduced to “barely human” or equated with monsters because they are different. 

To say that we are at more risk now than we were before a Nazi got punched in the face is to claim that abusers only hurt you if you fight back. Nazis didn’t need a reason to want to hurt people whom they have already called inhuman, base, monsters, thugs, retards, worthless, damaging to the gene pool, and worthy only of being removed from the world. They were already on board. The only difference that comes from fighting back is the intimate knowledge that we will not put up with their shit.

And I’m just fine with that.


Merlin’s manipulative behaviour in A House Divided.


Zaizen, you’re probably a good person. But you don’t know me! You only know of a fictional version of me!




“He told me I’d never find love again if I walked away” she said. “Little did he know, I found more love within myself the day I gave him a smile, turned on my heel, and never looked back”

- you win some, you lose some, and this time I won (m.s)

anonymous asked:

Origin companions react to a dwarf warden seeing a bird and screaming

Alistair: It takes him a moment to realize where their fear is stemming from, but once it registers with him he is a little confused. It is only when another companion points out that they’ve likely seen few if any surface dwelling creatures that he apologizes sheepishly and promises to keep them safe.

“After all, we wardens have to flock together. Get it, because birds of a feather? I’ll…just go away now.”

Morrigan: Her disinterest is clear, but unlike Alistair she at least has a quick grasp of the cause of their reaction. 

“Tis merely a creature of the air, warden, and of which you will see many in your time here on the surface. Now come– we have more important matters.”

Leliana: Immediately she is alert, looking around for enemies, but once the source of their fear is uncovered she cannot help but laugh. Leliana feel’s terrible about it afterwards, of course -she was amused, not cruel- and promises to keep them safe from avian threats in the future.

“If we require a songbird I am here, What sparrow can outsing a nightengale?”

Sten: He is not impressed. Even a dwarf is many times bigger than one small songbird, and they have bigger issues to face. They are above Orzammar now– it is time to face those threats.

“Vashedan, there is no time for such foolishness. Control yourself.”

Wynne: For someone who has also lived in a controlled society for most of her life the mage understands how new sights can be frightening. Of all the companions she is the most sympatheitc, and moves to comfort without chiding.

“There now, no harm done. Just a song bird on her way to her nest. She won’t hurt you, any more than you might fall into the sky. It’s all right.”

Zevran: He finds the situation amusing, most of all because this is the Warden he could not assassinate. If any of this ever gets out he will never find work again.

“Truly, my dear warden, you continue to astonish. Darkspawn and bandits do not phase you, but a robin is fear itself. Only a shame you are not so frightened of Crows.”

Ohgren: He’s screamed right along with them, the haze of alcohol making the bird seem as frightening as the arch demon, and so is of little help.

“Damn surface vermin! By the Stone why can’t things stay rooted where they belong?!”

Loghain: He has very little comment to make, but a part of his mind is both amused and infuriated that this is what brought him down.


Originally posted by welcometoyouredoom


Time freezes, the sun ceases it’s journey, and for the first time in so many, many years, Shale finds someone who understands them. A connection is forged then, one that shall never be sundered, and with surprising gentleness the golem places their hand on the Warden’s head.

“Do not fear, warden. Someday all the birds shall die.”

–Mod Fereldone


Our family is falling apart. Do you understand that?

 Well i’m late but it’s finally here, ha.

Also, i read the other posts i made in the omegaverse au tag and i’m sorry for the little mistakes there. i thought i got rid of them :/  well whatever~ hope you like this part guys

Part 1
Part 2
Part 4

Part 5

Bonus :v

Keep reading

Left Behind

Summary: You’re in the WICKED compound, and you’re left behind.

Pairing: Newt x Reader

Word Count: 3250

Warnings: Swearing, angst, and kind of spoilers for The Scorch Trials movie.

A/N: The trailer for The Death Cure came out yesterday and I’m shook. Also, I wanna thank everybody for the love on the last imagine! I wasn’t expecting so many notes so thank you! Anyways, enjoy! 

Part 1 | MasterlistPart 2

They had been flying in the helicopter for hours before reaching the place where they were supposed to be ‘safe.’

After having a nice meal, a man with a gun opened the door. They all turned their attention to him and got up from where they were sitting and talking. A man with a rat face came into the room.

“You kids doing all right?” He said. “Sorry about all fuss. We had ourselves a bit of a swarm.”

“Who are you?” Thomas asked.

“I’m the reason you’re all still alive and it’s my intention to keep you that way. Now, come with me.” He gestured them to follow him. “We’ll get you kids squared away.”

They all began to follow him as he walked through the building. “You can call me Mr. Janson. I run this place. For us it is a sanctuary, safe from the horrors of the outside world. You all should think of it as a way station. Kind of a… home between homes. Watch yourselves.” He pointed up to where a few sparks rained down.

“That mean you’re taking us home?” Thomas asked.

Keep reading

Requested: Yandere BTS Reaction to you Having to Leave Korea After Studying Abroad

WARNING(PLEASE READ): This is a Yandere reaction! Therefore it can be uncomfortable for some to read which is perfectly okay. What isn’t okay is messaging me to complain about this when I have warned you. I love you babies <3 Also I don’t condone this relationship whatsoever! This is entirely fiction and if it is triggering for you at all I apologize in advance! I love all my babies, and I wouldn’t want to trigger any of you! 


“You are leaving! Why?” He yelled slamming his fist against the wall next to him. You were at his dorm because it was your last night together. You were afraid to tell him, but you decided tonight was a good night. 

“You can’t leave. We belong together. I know I will pay for you stay here. You can stay in my room. This your home now with me.” Jungkook rushed to your side holding your shoulders. He was wreck with tears running down his cheeks. 

You shake your head with tears running down your own cheeks. “I have to leave Jungkook. I need to go home.” 

“I love you (Y/N). Please don’t go!” Jungkook held you close to him. 

You could feel your heart sink hearing him sob. “We will still talk I promise. I will call you everyday.” You tried console him rubbing his back.

“That isn’t enough! I have to have you by my side. You are staying here (Y/N). I won’t take no for an answer! You will stay with me forever.” He kissed you passionately through his tears. 

She can’t leave. She isn’t leaving. I won’t let her leave my side. She will stay with me forever. Where ever I go she will go. 


You were out together on a date when you told him. He was devastated it, and did his best to hold in his feelings when you two got home to actually talk about it. He slammed the front door behind you two then pinned you against the nearest wall.

 “You can’t leave me.” Tears threatened to leave his eyes, but he kept them under control. “You will stay here. I can’t let you leave (Y/N). You are my heart, and if you leave I will have nothing.” 

You stood against the wall listening to Taehyung ramble on about how much he needed you or he would go crazy. You tried to convince him you had to go home, but he got madder.

“NO! This is your home now with me! I will let you visit, but you are staying here. End of story. Don’t worry I will pay for anything and keep teaching you Korean. You aren’t going anywhere Jagi.” He reached up touching your cheek brushing away your tears softly. “You are mine.” 

No I won’t let her leave. She doesn’t have a choice. She is mine. She will go where I go. She will be by my side forever.


The moment you told Yoongi the news that you had to leave Korea to go back home he lost all his sanity. You were his everything. He would never find a girl as perfect as you again. He threw everything on his desk on the floor. 

“You aren’t leaving here! You aren’t going anywhere.” He yelled slamming his fist against the wall.

You stood there in shock as your body trembled and tears ran down your cheeks. Yoongi had tears threatening to run down his cheeks as he grabbed you by your wrist pulling you towards him. His eyes were full of hurt and a darkness you never seen before. 

“(Y/N) you aren’t going anywhere. I love you. This is your home now with me forever.” He reached up brushing his thumb along your trembling bottom lip. He wasn’t intending on letting you leave anywhere.

She isn’t going anywhere. Even if I have tie her up. She is mine. Mine and she will stay right here. 


It was the last night you were staying over with Jimin. You got up early in the morning for your flight and started to undress for a shower, but the door swung open to a very angry and upset Jimin. His eyes were glazed with tears as he stepped towards you grabbing your wrist. He pulled you to him swiftly looking at you. Your phone was in his other hand. 

“Is it true? You are leaving?” His voice was ice cold as he clutched your phone tighter breaking the glass with the force of his angry grasp.

You nodded in fear of saying something wrong. All Jimin did was laugh then threw your phone at the wall.

 He caressed your cheek gently. “You aren’t going anywhere baby. I’m your home now.” 

She isn’t leaving. I don’t care what I have to do she is never leaving my side. 


You and him were having a nice dinner date when you told him you had to go home. Namjoon didn’t speak he only looked at you like your words didn’t matter to him whatsoever. And they didn’t. He didn’t care what you said about you leaving and how you said you would still talk to him. 

“You aren’t going anywhere (Y/N).” He set down the glass firmly looking at you.

It wasn’t a suggestion it was a command. You really wouldn’t be going anywhere. He had plans in his head to keep you with him forever. All of it was already going to be taken care of. Your college would keep you in Korea with the classes you were already planning to take. He would pay for your apartment or just let you stay at the dorm. It was whatever his princess wanted except leave. 

Ha. She thinks she has a choice to go anywhere? I will make it so perfect she won’t want to leave. I will pay for everything, so she doesn’t have to leave my side.


You two were sitting together waiting for a table at a restaurant when you told him the news you had to leave. Jin smiled to himself, but his eyes were full of something else. Something dark. He took your hand pulling you out to the night air. 

“What’s wrong Jin?” You asked confused by his sudden choice to leave.

“You aren’t going anywhere. Get in the car.” He demanded. 

You obliged nervously. The whole drive to the dorm was quiet and nerve wrecking. When you got to the dorm he parked the car. 

“Baby. Look at me. You aren’t leaving here. I can cook for you everyday. You can stay here. I can teach you Korean. Everything will be perfect so don’t leave.” You could see the tears glazing his eyes.

“I will take good care of you. I promise.” He whispered kissing your forehead.

She won’t leave. I will be her husband, and I will take care of her. She is mine and only mine. There is no reason for her to leave. She belongs here with me. 


You were at practice with Hoseok and the other members when you told him you had to leave to go home. Instantly Hoseok became someone else entirely from his lovable cute self. 

“You think you can just leave me? You aren’t going anywhere (Y/N).” He whispered in angry tone to you. He didn’t want to show this side of him to his other members, so he tried to stay calm.

“I will make sure you don’t leave. Don’t worry baby. I can take care of everything. We will call your school and ask if you can take your courses at the university you are already studying at. You can also learn Korean from me! It will be perfect!” He yelled with fake happiness. It was his plan though. If he could take care of your school and living problem then he could keep you with him forever.

She won’t go anywhere. I couldn’t be without her. She is my everything, and I will make sure that she has everything she needs to stay here.

Learning Again — Slowly but Surely (Part 3/4)

Part 1 I Part 2Main Masterlist I Learning Again Masterlist

Pairing : Bucky x Reader

Summary: (Modern!AU) After running away from your abusive boyfriend, you bump into your ex, the very soft yet very protective Bucky Barnes who immediately shelters you in what used to be your shared apartment. Slowly but surely, you learn to enjoy life again.

Words: 3.2k

Warnings: mention of abusive relationship, nightmares, anxiety attacks,  protective!Bucky, FLUUUUUFF

A/N: Hi, guys! So there it is! I hope you’ll like this part! I wanted to thank all of you for subscribing to the tag list and for commenting/liking the previous chapter so muuuuuch! I love you aaaaall!

Originally posted by sebstanslaugh

It took you days if not weeks to entirely relax so you were not constantly on alert anymore. If Bucky’s presence was more soothing than you recalled, you couldn’t help but jerk in fear every time he accidentally dropped something while cooking or when a neighbor slammed their door too hard. You always needed a minute to gain you composure again, repeating to yourself that you were safe over and over again, like a mantra. You were safe, you wouldn’t have to face him ever again, he would never find you again.

You had googled a few breathing exercises that somewhat helped you during these stressful moments. Your key words were four, seven, eight.

Inhale, count to four.

Hold, count to seven.

Exhale, count to eight.

Keep reading

The only silver lining of this horrible season is that:

-Paul finding out that he barely have fans and that everyone hates him 

-Alex learning she is a horrible person and barely had a chance at winning AFP, and probably will never comeback on this show 

-Raven thinking she is America’s favorite but is actually one of the most hated houseguest, and is called out of her lies

-Christmas learning she is a mean person and that the rat boy she has feelings doesn’t like her back

-Matt finds out all the lies Raven told and probably never seeing her again

-Kevin finding out that he is the most loved houseguest of the season

-But most of all this cast finding out that they were all played and that they are now considered one of the worst season ever

  • Me: *is really set on getting a lettering tattoo on my forearm that's "upside down" aka one that is readable from my perspective but not from that of a passer-by*
  • Tattoo Artist: *is being both a sexist and a jerk and keeps asking me if I really want it upside down because he thinks its stupid*
  • Me, internally: Wait. What if he's right? What if it does look stupid? Maybe I should ---
  • Loki, bursting through the metaphorical door: Listen up you're not going to change your mind and *gasp* conform, that's not how I raised you! So what if there are people who don't respect your choice?! Just imagine how many of those you get to piss off by insisting on having it done your way!
Fireworks - H.S.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” I mumble. The twinkling lights are mesmerizing and I just can’t seem to focus on anyone else, not even the amazing man beside me that brought me here tonight. When Harry only hums a response, I take my gaze off the fireworks ahead of me and stare at his sharp jawline.

Lately Harry had been acting differently. At first I noticed little things, like him closing off and disappearing into his own head for short amounts of time, but after a while he started raising these walls around him, pretending to be someone who is not even though the real Harry I had met two years prior was something I wish everyone had in his life.

Of course, Harry did not only have a name to keep, but also a reputation. Yes, he was pictured as a womanizer and I think he did won best dressed male again last year, although I don’t keep up with that. I keep up with what actual Harry is up too, what ticks him, what he enjoys doing. Most of the things the media bring to attention aren’t very good small details of a bigger picture.

I think that’s why this friendship works so damn well. That might also be the absolute number one reason I fell madly in love with this man. I’d never risk anything to put our friendship in jeopardy, because I honestly believe I’d never find someone like him, ever again. He was the only real thing in a world filled with lies and misinterpretations.

I’m actually terrified I’ll never get to see the real Harry again. And whatever I try, I just can’t seem to get through to him. So when he appeared at my door, giant grin on his rosy lips and a bottle of expensive champagne held up in one hand, I couldn’t decline.

“Why are you staring at me like that?” Harry laughs, pulling his bottom lip between his pearly white teeth before his glance is cast in my direction. I can feel the rosy hue appear on my cheeks, but they’re transparent to Harry’s gaze due to the harsh lighting of the fireworks going off in front of us.

“This lighting is doing you good.” I decide to go with a true compliment, although that wasn’t initially on my mind. I love the smile that it draws on his lips, the way his eyes crinkle and how he then casts his glance away. “Do you say that to all men?”

“Only you.” I shrug my shoulders with a grin and let a shriek flow from my lips when I feel Harry’s elbow collide with my ribs. “Hey, I gave you a really nice compliment and this is how you repay me?”
“What do you want to hear? How beautiful you look? You always do, Y/n.” Harry huffs as he rolls his eyes and fixates his gaze back onto the sparkly lights disappearing as quickly as they appear.

“You’re one of the most kind-hearted people I know Harry, you deserve all of this success you’re receiving, you know that right?” I decide to bring up the new single, the one that’s supposed to come out in just a few hours – at midnight to be exact. He hadn’t mentioned it since I had heard it when he had initially finished it. It was his baby, his first solo record and he didn’t seem to utter another word about it. It had been months and it saddened me because it was so damn good.

“How is that new man of yours?” Harry’s voice changes tone, and when I decide to peek I see the frown that has set onto his eyebrow. I guess we’re still not talking about it, and I decide to drop it. Last time I had tried to initiate conversation we ended up not speaking to each other for almost two weeks. Which were the worst two weeks of my life, really. “That’s over and done with, didn’t I mention that?”

“Well no, you didn’t.” Harry sighs and I see the small smile tug at his lips. I scoot a little bit closer to Harry, although I’m not sure why. “Well, sorry then.”
“Why did you break up? I thought you liked him.” Harry throws his arm around my shoulder and I lay my head on his shoulder, taking in a deep breath as I focus back on the popping flashing of light.

“I never really did, I think.” I mumble, dropping my hand onto Harry’s knee and giving it a firm squeeze. “I’m searching for something else.” I finish off, feeling my heart throb in my throat. Indirectly, in my own head, I had confessed my love for Harry. He would never see it as such, but that didn’t take away any of the anxiety coursing through my body.

“Well it’s great that you know what you want.”

“Don’t you know what you want?”

“Yeah, but I’m sure she hasn’t even given it a thought. I think I’m nothing more to her than just a really good friend.”

“Who says that? Harry if you want this girl, go and get her. Do you even realize how amazing you are? You always put me up when I’m down. You watch the most horrifying movies with me whenever I want to, without any complaint. You once showed up at my door just because I sounded blue to you on the phone. I’m sure whatever girl you want is just as madly in love with you as you are with her.” I grin, squeezing his knee for emphasis as I let my eyes dart along the sky, trying to follow every firework going off.

“Do you know what sign of the times is about?” Harry suddenly questions and I feel myself stiffen in his embrace as he for the first time in weeks talks about his song or upcoming album.
“Well I interpreted it as hope.” I decide to voice my own thoughts and feelings as simply as possible.

“That’s the great part of it. I think – in whatever time of your life you are, it might – I don’t know – can be interpreted in whatever way it suits you.” Harry starts to stumble over his words as if he were nervous, his ring clad fingers toying with his jeans as he avoids my gaze as well as the sounds going on around us.

“So you’re saying I’m hoping for something?” I smile, somewhat feeling my own nerves bubbling in my stomach as I pull away from Harry, smiling brightly at his twinkling eyes.

“Yeah, you could say it like that. But I think we all hope something, right?” Harry grins right back at me and I slowly let my eyes close, nodding once, but firmly at his statement – or question.

“Hm.” I agree verbally, wanting to lay my head again against his shoulder but he stops me, his eyes searching mine tentatively as I keep frozen in my spot. I let a low breath slip past my opened lips, my tongue darting out to wet them before I suck my bottom lip into my mouth, slowly biting down on it.

Something seems to click in Harry’s mind and before I can completely comprehend what is happening or is about to happen, Harry leans in but hovers right before his lips are about to meet mine. He lets me decide if I want this – if I want to kiss him and as soon as my brain has caught up to current events, I lean the short distance and press my lips firmly against his.

Harry’s large hand cups my cheek and for a second I feel like I might burst out into tears of happiness, but instead I settle for a large grin which almost breaks up our kiss. I feel the vibrations of Harry’s chuckle against my lips as my eyelids flutter.

Harry pulls away, keeping his hand in place, as he seems to catch his breath. His lips press to mine once more in a gentle, simple peck right as the last few fireworks make their last pop in front of us, illuminating the dark night sky.