he's-not-amused

anonymous asked:

A customer really thought I’d laugh when he told me he went to hellmart once and had probably close to $200 groceries and just dumped the cart in front of a register because he decided he didn’t want to wait after 5 minutes and someone told him he couldn’t just dump his cart there and he said “watch Me.” He wasn’t amused anymore when I told him that’s not funny and just gave him a disgusted look.

DEMON AU

TFC-NET’S 2017 Spooky Creation Event: .
↳ So this is rlly way too long for a bullet fic and I’m sorry but I barely remember writing this and I’m too tired to split it up appropriately so here u go (tw violence, torture, and abuse mentions) 

  • Neil’s primary concern, something drilled into him by his mother, was always to stay alive
  • He was never scared of Riko, Riko couldn’t kill him. Riko didn’t know how.
  • He was scared of what Riko knew, how to contact the people who could
  • Riko pins him against the wall after the interview and sees Neil’s real eyes flash from beneath the contacts
  • Riko’s eyes widen before narrowing and pressing harder on his throat. No matter what he does, it won’t kill Neil.
  • He stops breathing for too long before Riko releases him, bright blue eyes still baring themselves to the human who dared try to hurt him
  • Kevin figured it out on the bus back from the winter banquet
  • “You’re one of them.” A fact, followed by a nod from Neil and a string of curses from Kevin 

Keep reading

kaci1ynn  asked:

Loving Faerie Loki so much! What about him meeting domestic animals for the first time? I think he'd be taken aback by dogs at first, and then amused. He would hold great respect for cats and their lounging and attitude and elegance lol. A parrot would probably offend him, saying something rude lol. (Fury as a parrot maybe or the owner that the bird takes after) lol

Loki is fairly annoyed by dogs. Loud, smelly, shedding– who has time for that? It doesnt help that his first dog encounter involved a great dane. 

“Look at that ugly horse.” He comments and did not understand why his human laughs so hard for quite so long. 

Cats though– Loki enjoys cats. 

“They are obviously a fae creature.” He explains to Tony as he stares at one through the glass of the pet shop. “Look at the intelligence in his eyes. At the utter disdain it has for humans. The way it twitches its tail in thought. It is practically its own spirit, trapped in a fur body, how terrible unfortunate for such a strong soul.” 

Then the kitten placed its little paws on the glass and “meow” and Loki completely dissolved. 

“Anthony look at it! Look at its paws and its tiny whiskers! Please Anthony, I must have one for the home! Look at how absolutely darling! The little noise! I need one! The black one! It looks like a black smudge, as if he rolled in the ashes of a holy fire, as if I reached into the living shadows and plucked out something tiny! Oh please Anthony!”

******

Tony now owns six cats. The black kitten from the pet shop who was outrageously expensive, two full grown siamese that Loki rescued from the local pound, a fat orange tabby that was wandering around in front of their apartment building, a spotted bob tailed mix, and a darling calico. 

And when he complains, Loki rolls his eyes. “Honestly, Anthony. They are little fae creatures, turning them out would incur the wrath of the fairies, is that what you wish?” 

Losers Club Headcanons:

Shortcake Part two


Originally posted by turibulum

  • Stan is always amused at your height.
  • He’d always look at you with this glimmer of amusement.
  • He always found you adorable especially when you wore his clothes.
  • Considering he was more than a head taller than you, he’s clothes practically devour you.
  • You could only see your fingers from the sleeves and the shirt would fall to the top of your knees.
  • Stanley also loves picking you up and swinging you around.
  • Your laughter was the best part especially when he would surprise you with a spin.
  • Kisses were the most adorable thing though.
  • He just adores you is what I’m trying to say.


Originally posted by wyattswolfs

  • Your just adorably small to her.
  • You only reached to her chin and she low key adores the thought of just snuggling.
  • She would giggle when you could hardly reach something finding it adorable.
  • You’d stick your tongue out in concentration as you stood on your tiptoe trying to reach it.
  • “Need help?” “Thanks Bevvy!”
  • She’d always blush because you always littered her face with kisses.
  • You’d stand as tall as you could pressing kisses to her cheeks and forehead mumbling all sorts of compliments.
  • You two would often cuddle on the couch and Bev would always be the big spoon.
  • You would bury your face in her neck littering soft kisses on her skin.
  • “I love you Bevvy.” “Love you too (Y/n).”
  • Basically its the most adorable thing ever!


Originally posted by dailylosersclub

  • Mike was surprised at how small you are.
  • He adores it, but how were you so small?!
  • Like is possibly to be this short?!
  • He was always smiling though when you’d look up at him.
  • Cause your eyes would always have this adorable glimmer of excitement.
  • He was always willing to grab something for you before you’d even ask.
  • “Hey Mikey can you-” “Here (Y/n).” “Oh… Well thank you!”
  • He’d always have a protective arm around your shoulder.
  • Cause he hardly sees you since He’s homeschooled and he wants everyone to know your his.
  • Its even worse cause your so small and he’s so protective of you.
  • “Mike your doing it.” “Doing what?” “The protective attitude it’s back.” “Its only cause I love you (Y/n).”
  • End of story is that you are well protected thanks to Mike.


Originally posted by wyattswolfs

  • Ben literally has no idea why your so small.
  • Like the rest of your family is like 6 foot and then your just this tiny child.
  • He literally tries to read up on why your so small because he’s just confused.
  • “Ben what are you doing?” “I’m trying to figure out why your so short.” “Really Ben?”
  • He doesnt hate it though in fact he loves you being so short.
  • He just adores the fact that you don’t care your short.
  • “Damn (Y/n) did you get shorter?” “I’m funsized Richie!”
  • He just admires that you take what’s considered a flaw and make it beautiful.
  • He just admires you and all of your shortness.

Excuse me,” I get up hastily from my seat. “I’ll handle this,” I practically mutter to Sabrina.

“Take all the time you need,” she says. Her eyebrows are raised, both from puzzlement and concern.

I make my way over to the other side of the coffee shop, this man fiddling with his fingers as he follows behind.

“Now,” I plop myself down on the couch, my hands flailing emotionally as I speak. “I don’t know what you want, but you’re not–”

“Your dad?” he says, looking amused momentarily. “I am, that’s how I know that you’re Brielle Worthington–no middle name, middle names are…”

“For losers,” we both say simultaneously. I blankly stare in awe.

“So, you were saying..?” I say, my breath taken from my lungs.

- ̗̀ previous / next / beginning ̖́-

anonymous asked:

Love bitty asks~ 💖 How do they react to meeting a bitty of his brother? (Top five choices of best reactions, please~) ~<3

I'mma do the sanses because I have a Papyri ask for this.

Classy Bean

He has stars in his eyes. It’s a mini version of his bro. pocket sized. Tiny and perfect. Brother pocket edition.

Red Boy

He’s cackling. HE’S SO TINY. He loves this so much and he’s teasing the tiny bitty. He’s not amused.

Sassberry

LOOK AT THIS TINY VERSION OF HIS BROTHER HE’S SO CUTE AND LAZY AND JUST LOOK AT HIM!!!!!! He’s picking up the tiny bitty and running off to show his brother.

Scaryberry

*soft gasp* He loves him. He has stars in his eyes and he’s putting him in his scarf and saying lots of loving things to him. Tiny brother is a good brother.

Axe

He will protect this bitty with his life. He loves his brother dearly and he’s making sure the bitty has plenty to eat and is happy and comfortable.

anonymous asked:

The policeman scene makes me laugh for 3 reasons. 1) the reaction of the policeman himself- couldn't give a shit if they'd been shagging in the woods, except that, it's a bit nippy for it. 2) Aaron's 'you cheeky git. I don't have sex outdoors' reaction. 3) Robert's reaction. Just look at it and tell me he's not thinking 'Damn. Sex in the woods? That is totally what we should have been doing!' 😂

Bless him, he did want them to catch a cold. He was clearly very amused by it all (or what he thought they’d been doing). Wonder if he’s done it himself a few times 😉 Aaron is literally like “how dare he think we were having sex I’m the woods” they’ve shagged in worse places. And Robert doesn’t need any more ideas, the ones he has are ban enough

The Last Jedi Trailer Breakdown

* Please note that the following breakdown contains some potential spoilers for the movie - they’re mostly based on inferences and rumours, but you probably want to skip this post entirely if you’re spoiler-averse. *

I’m exhausted (I woke up way too early to watch that trailer!), but I knew I couldn’t rest until I had done this. There is so much to unpack here, so you’ll have to excuse me for omitting some things (mainly space battles) and skimming over others. 

I’m sure I’m wrong with a good chunk of this, but this is all meant in good fun.

I hope you enjoy my first stab at breaking this baby down - if you think it can be improved or spot anything that needs to be corrected, please let me know.

Keep reading

waking up the wolf inside

[here’s the full story, thanks for reading!]

-

Derek Hale is two hours late. At each passing minute, Stiles feels angrier and the only reason he hasn’t left is because Derek needs to come home at some point and when he does, Stiles is going to yell at him so hard he’s going to give him this interview just to send Stiles away.

Stiles can be pretty annoying when he wants to, that’s how he gets most of his job done.

Derek Hale though, he’s been fucking infuriating. For starters he lives in the middle of nowhere, Stiles got lost twice before he found someone who actually knew where Derek’s freaking cabin is. And there’s also the fact that he’s a nobody - Stiles’ only picture of him is from his High School graduation, like, fifteen years ago.

And that’s the most fascinating thing – not many people know about him but the ones who do can’t stop praising his work. The guy is an angel, but instead of protecting people he protects wolves. According to Scott’s boss – who’s like, the one person who has seen Derek in person and can attest he’s real – Derek has a vet degree, doesn’t like people and built his own cabin in the woods. To live amongst the wolves.

Stiles needs to interview this guy. At first because he got curious about a thirty-one year old guy living alone and now it’s about pride. He doesn’t just spend two hours outside someone’s house, especially when it’s snowing.

“Come on.” He groans. It’s freaking Alaska. Angel or not – Derek Hale is also a huge dick.

Stiles is beginning to think about breaking into the guy’s house (he can’t feel his toes) when he hears a car and a minute later a battered truck is parking next to Stiles’ rental car.

The man who steps out looks nothing like the High School picture Stiles found. For starters he look like a mountain man with a beard that does nothing but make him look hotter, the jeans doesn’t leave much to imagination either when it comes to his ass and the huge winter coat only accentuates his broad shoulders.

Stiles swallows. “Hey!” He yells, watching as Derek opens the back door. “Derek Hale?” He can’t hide his groan when Derek barely spares him a glance. “Hey, it’s freaking freezing here, you know?”

Derek lets out a groan of his own as he lifts something in his arms and steps away from the car. “I know.” He walks towards the house and as he gets closer, Stiles notices Derek is carrying a wolf. “Now, help me out here, yeah?”

Stiles doesn’t even think twice before dropping his bag and stepping closer. “What can I do?”

“Grab the key,” Derek instructs, “it’s in my back pocket.”

Later, Stiles will want to hide his face in embarrassment but now he can only think about the poor wolf whining in Derek’s arms as he touches Derek’s ass to find the key to open Derek’s house.

Once inside, Derek deposits the wolf on the floor, wrapping him further with blankets and asks Stiles to light up the fire as he goes around the house collecting things. “Is he going to be okay?” Stiles asks as Derek kneels in front of the wolf and runs a soothing hand over his head.

“Hopefully.” Derek answers. “And it’s a girl.” He tells Stiles. “She’s in labor.”

What.” Stiles squeaks. “Really? But –”

“In the kitchen,” Derek interrupts him, “get some hot water, and close the fucking door.”

Stiles blinks, watches as Derek tells her everything is going to be okay. She’s obviously uncomfortable, but stops squirming when Derek smiles and runs his hands over her belly.

Water.” Derek growls.

“Right.” Stiles gets on his feet. He so didn’t sign up for this.


“So,” he collapses on the floor, “does this happen a lot?”

Derek collapses next to him, eyes on the mother wolf and her six pups. “Is this part of your interview?”

Stiles snorts and rolls his eyes. “No, this is just me trying not to freak out.” He turns to look at Derek – his eyes are green, he realizes, and beautiful, he adds mentally.

“No, this doesn’t happen often.” Derek answers, finally. “Thankfully.”

Stiles nods and smiles when Derek turn to him. “You’re amazing.” He blurts out and Derek blinks, surprised. “Anyway,” Stiles shakes his head, tries to pretend the butterflies in his stomach are just from the adrenaline rush, “we’ll have to postpone the interview, but I think that’s justifiable.” He gets up, looks at his hands and realizes they are covered in blood. Ew. “Uh, can I use your bathroom before I go?”

“Go?” Derek asks, standing up too.

“I’m gonna get a hotel in town.” The nearest town is two hours away, but what can you do? He glances at the sleeping wolves. It’s not like this was Derek’s fault. “I think.”

“Don’t be stupid.” Derek says, bluntly. Stiles snorts – yeah, Derek really doesn’t have a way with people. “I have a spare bedroom.”

Stiles smiles. “Thank you.” He says. “I don’t really like driving in the snow.”

“Who does.” Derek says, asks maybe. Stiles still doesn’t know him, but as he follows Derek up the stairs, he realizes he really wants to.

Keep reading

Lipstick stains

Summary: She and Tom don’t exactly get along, but really, everyone knows they just need to bang.

Pairings: Reader (?) x Tom Holland

Word count: 1.9k

Warnings: Some swearing and some smut

A/n: I’m sorry this is so shitty :/ but let me know what ya think anyways :)))


“Nice ass.”

“And this is as close as you’ll get to it.”

“Wouldn’t want it anyway.”

“Keep telling yourself that.”

It was a good feeling when she got the last word in. It meant she won that round, and boy, there were many rounds of snarky banter. Neither she nor Tom were overly fond of each other and did what they could to avoid any situation involving the other. However, when your best friends are dating, it’s inevitable. Kat and Haz, what a cute couple. She and Tom, no way in hell. Or at least, that’s what they said every time somebody suggested they ‘just make out already’. See, the thing with those two is that they had undeniable chemistry; the room was thick with sexual tension whenever they were together. It was apparent to everyone but them.

They were currently at the boys’ shared apartment. When Haz had asked the both of them to help him prepare for tonight, they had begrudgingly agreed. It was Kat’s birthday, and being a good boyfriend, he was throwing her a surprise party. As much as they disliked each other, she and Tom loved their friends.  

Haz had put them in charge of decorations, so here she was, standing on a wooden stool in the living room, Tom on the ground behind her. She was on her toes, trying to tape streamers to the ceiling. Due to the height difference, he had a perfect view of her ass. She was annoying, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t hot – not that he’d ever admit that out loud.  

Suddenly she wobbled a little, and as if on instinct, he immediately reached out. He grabbed her waist, steadying her.

“Hands off, Holland,” she said sternly, not even looking at him.

“Geez, I was just trying to help,” he removed his hands, holding them up defensively.

“My knight in shining armour,” her words dripped with sarcasm.

He rolled his eyes at her.

Having finally taped that section, she asked Tom for another piece. The small seat she was standing on didn’t allow room for much movement. As she turned to take it from him, she lost her balance. With a yelp, she fell forward – right on top of Tom. They crashed to the floor in a loud heap.

They both groaned; him underneath her, she with her face pressed against his throat. She lifted her head and winced. Haz came running in.

“What is going on in h–,” he stopped midsentence when he saw them on the floor, in quite the compromising position.

He grinned.

“What happened?”

“It’s not what you think.”

“I’m sure,” he said amused, his grin getting wider. He contemplated taking pictures but thought better of it. They’d kill him.

“She fell on me,” Tom grunted.

“No, I didn’t!” she protested.

“You literally fell off the stool, onto me.”

“Okay, fine, I did,” she huffed as she stood up, checking for bruises.

Tom was still lying on the floor, taking a moment to recuperate.

“Um, mate?” Haz snickered, looking down at him.

“What?”

Haz checked to see if she had noticed yet, before answering, “You got a little something there,” indicating his collarbone.

Tom swiped at the area, not finding anything.

“What? What is it?” he questioned. He too stood up and looked between the two, puzzled.

By now, she had realised what Haz was talking about and suppressed a smile.

“Oops.”

She pointed at the mirror on the wall and allowed him to make the discovery. She and Haz exchanged a look and giggled.

“What the fuck?”

They burst out laughing. Right at the base of his throat, there was a perfect impression of her lips, her red lipstick staining his pale skin. Glaring at his reflection, he tried to wipe the mark away but only succeeded in smudging it.

“How the hell am I supposed to get rid of this?” he growled.

“Will you relax? It’s just lipstick,” she reassured.

“Yeah, that makes it seem like you two were getting intimate,” Haz snorted.

“Shut up,” the other two snapped in unison.

“Okay, okay,” he backed out of the room. “I’m gonna finish up in the kitchen. You guys should finish all this too, party’s starting soon.”

She nodded at him and turned to look at Tom. He was still rubbing at that spot and she could tell that it had spread all over his neck now.

Sighing, she walked over to her bag and pulled out a makeup wipe. She sauntered over to him and held out the tissue. He took it reluctantly and cleaned the lipstick off.

She crossed her arms and waited for him, expecting a thank you.

“You’re welcome, by the way,” he said instead.

“For what?” she asked in confusion.

“You fell on me, I cushioned your fall. You’re welcome,” he explained simply.

“My hero,” this time she rolled her eyes at him. “Come on, we gotta finish hanging these streamers.”

Grumbling, they returned to their assigned job.

*

“Let’s get this party started!” Kat screamed, raising her cup in the air. Somebody turned the volume up, and the crowd cheered, the apartment filling with music. She kissed Haz and dragged him into the middle of the room, dancing with him.

Tom smiled at his friends enjoying themselves. He took a sip of his drink, his eyes wandering the room before they landed on her. She was wearing a short black dress, hair cascading down her back. She was tipsy but moved with confidence in her heels. He watched her hips swinging in time to the beat of the song, her arms above her head. He admired the curves of her body, very evident in the confines of the tight fabric. It wasn’t long before some guy was behind her, his hands on her hips. She was unfazed, grinding against him. She spun around in his arms, her own coming down over his shoulders. As she moved closer towards him, Tom looked away, filled with a strange resentment.

He left the room, in search of more alcohol to distract him from this unwanted feeling.

*

She needed a drink. She had been dancing for what felt like hours and was desperately thirsty. Squeezing past the swaying bodies she made it to the kitchen. She noticed Tom leaning against the counter, talking to another guest. She moved towards the island bench across from him and grabbed a bottle, pouring some soda into a cup. She guzzled it down.

“All that grinding made you thirsty, huh?” he asked, more bitterly than he intended.

Putting the cup down she frowned, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing.”

“It clearly means something.”

A thought dawned on her.

“Are… are you… jealous?” she asked in disbelief.

“Are you kidding? Why the hell would I be jealous?” he scoffed. He took a gulp of his drink.

“Fine,” she shrugged her shoulders, not really caring. “Where’s your bathroom?”

“Down the hall to the left.”

She nodded her head once and pushed past party-goers in the direction he had advised.

In the bathroom she checked herself in the mirror. She tousled her hair, mind going back to her chat with Tom. What was up with him? Shaking her head, she rummaged through her purse for the tube of lipstick. Finding it, she removed the lid and applied a fresh coat. She pressed her lips together, evening out the colour. Just as she popped the lid back on, the door opened.

“Occupied,” she called out.

“It’s me,” Tom stepped in, closing the door behind him.

“Oh. I was just leaving anyway.”

Zipping up her purse, she took one final glance at the mirror.  She saw Tom in the corner of her eye and bit her lower lip. He was wearing a black tee emphasising the muscles in his arms. His jaw was clenched and she noticed how sharp it was. She swallowed.

“Am I making you nervous?” he asked curiously.

“Of course not,” she forced herself to make eye contact, hoping she exuded more confidence than she was feeling.

“You seem nervous,” he took a step towards her.

She took a step back.

“Why would I be nervous? If I recall correctly, you were the one who sounded jealous earlier. Do I make you nervous?” she countered, trying to gain the upper hand.

“Not at all, and that wasn’t jealousy,” he continued to move towards her.

“What was it then?” her back hit the wall.

He was standing awfully close now. He filled her senses, sight, smell, hearing. She met his stare, refusing to look away first.

“It was frustration.”

“At what?” she almost whispered.

“At wanting to do this.”

He cupped her face and crashed his mouth against hers. Once she recovered from her initial shock, she found herself kissing him back. The rigidity of her body seeped away as they melded into each other. She reached up and wrapped her hands around his neck, pulling him closer. His hands dropped down to her back where they slipped further lower to her ass.

He lifted her up effortlessly and she wrapped her legs around his waist. Their kiss was messy and passionate as everything they had been holding in came flooding out. He sat her on the edge of the sink and stood between her legs with his hands on her thighs. Her dress had ridden up and the heat of his palms seared her bare skin. He slid one hand up and gripped her hip while the other remained on her leg. He leaned forward, pushing her back and she threw an arm behind to find a purchase to support herself. She accidentally knocked over a bottle but they barely noticed it clattering to the floor. Her legs hugged his waist she gripped his shoulder with her right hand.

Needing a breath, Tom broke the kiss, moving his lips down her jaw to her neck. Her head fell back, exposing her throat and she let out a moan as he found her sweet spot. She tangled her fingers in the curls at the nape of his neck, her other arm snaking back over his shoulder. She was lost in bliss. She was breathing heavily, her chest rising and falling.

“Tom,” she moaned his name. Egged on by the sounds falling from her lips, he brought a hand up and slipped the spaghetti strap from her shoulder. He kissed down past her collarbone and along the soft skin of her shoulder.

All of a sudden there was a knock at the door.

“Mate?”

It was Haz.

“Fuck,” Tom cursed, as they separated. He stepped back and went to the door, not looking at her.

She, in turn, slipped off the sink and wiggled her dress back down to an appropriate length. She pushed her hair out of her face and turned to the mirror above the sink. Her lipstick was smeared across her mouth and her cheeks were flushed.

He opened the door.

“Yes, mate?” annoyance in his tone.

Haz’s mouth fell open in surprise when he saw Tom, but then he noticed her in the bathroom behind him. He smirked.

“Uh, you’ve got a little something…,” he repeated his words from earlier in the day.

“Huh?” Tom walked over to the sink where she was still standing.

He too, had her lipstick smudged over his mouth and chin. He dropped his head, shaking it.

“Wait ‘til I tell Kat,” Haz said gleefully, running off in the direction of the living room.

She looked at Tom. Then she went to the door and closed it. He turned to her when he heard the click of the lock.

“What are you doing?”

“We weren’t done.”


Tagging: @spideyontherun 

Possible-Future-Girlfriend

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Bucky claims you can’t flirt for shit, you prove him wrong

Word Count: 2164

Warnings: pure fluff

Author’s Note: this is one of the first fluff i’ve written, i hope you enjoy (re)reading it :)

Masterlist Here

Sometimes you never really understood James Buchanan Barnes.

What is going on inside that pretty little head of his? What keeps him up all night sometimes. He’s assured you that it’s not the nightmares anymore. Those are the things he left in the past, along with all the terrible memories. But let’s not get drifted off to the apprehensive shit here. You have much important things to concentrate on.

Bucky Barnes is much happier now. He jokes around, flirts with girls at clubs or parties or any other place. He loves the cinema, especially the TV shows - so much that he binge watches them whenever Bucky and you are hanging out at your apartment.

He’s catching up on the new technology, too. You and Steve bought him a new phone for his birthday this year and boy, he cannot stop clicking pictures on it. And you know snooping is wrong, but most of the pictures on his camera roll are of Steve, the New York City skyline and you. You were surprised at first, but this man practically spends every free second of his time with you, so that was enough of an answer. Plus, you’d be lying to yourself and the rest the world if you’d say that your phone gallery isn’t stacked with pictures of Bucky.

Keep reading