he's not saying shut up to chris

Banished - ChrisMD Drabble

Drabble Challenge #9 “You can’t banish me! This is my bed too!” - ChrisMD

From a list of prompts I reblogged, many more to come! Enjoy!

“Chris do we really have to watch Lord of the Rings again?” I asked as I laid back on his bed, watching as he put the disc into the DVD player.

“Did you really just say that to me?” He asked, in a very offended manner I might add.

“Yes. Considering we watched the entire series literally two days ago.” He sat at his chair, staring at me with a blank expression on his face, just blinking at me. “Well, say something.” I added.

“Sorry. Just waiting for you to actually get to a point.” He sassed back.

I sighed, fluffing up the pillows in the corner of the bed for Chris to lay against.

He grabbed the remote, shut the lights off and made himself comfortable in his spot, which included taking his shirt off and tossing it to the end of the bed.

I cuddled my back into his chest and he pressed play, starting the movie.

About half an hour in I began to tire. “Chris I’m so bored. I’ve watched these exact same scenes a hundred times over. It’s boring now.” He gasped and paused the movie, pushing on my back so I nearly fell off the bed.

“Chris! I almost fell off the bed!”

“That’s the point!”

“Hey! Not my fault. We need to find something new to watch.”

“No. Never. On the floor. I hereby banish you from my bed!” He said pushing me fully off the bed and onto the carpeted floor.

“You can’t banish me! This is my bed too!” I retorted, getting back up and climbing back onto the bed.

“We’re no longer friends.” He crossed his arms across his chest and turned his head, not making eye contact.

“Fine. Just know if you’re going to give me attitude then you get absolutely no cuddles or hugs or kisses.”

“Wait no I changed my mind.” He said turning to me again.

“Nope too late you already made up your mind.” I stood up from his bed and went towards the couch.

He grabbed my arm quickly and pulled me towards him, his lips finding my cheeks and planting kisses all over my face. “Please baby. We can watch something else for a while. I promise we’ll take breaks between binging sessions from now on.”

I smiled, leaning forward and kissing his lips. “Thank you.”

“This is a dirty game you play.” He said smirking and slapping my butt playfully, getting up to switch the movie.

“All’s fair in love and war.”

“I think you mean ‘all’s fair in love and movie choices.’”


Another Welcome Home

-by Evans-Bitsch

An extremely NSFW Chris Evans Imagine:

( A-gender, Smut, Un-Protected [stay safe kiddos], Water is not lube)

Chris has been filming for a while but when you come home you see his car in the driveway. You rush inside, usually when he shows up unannounced, he is in the bed, but he’s not there. you shout,

“Chris?” no response, the back sliding door is open so you go outside, and again you proclaim,


“Hey baby” you hear his seductive voice from the hot tub, turn around and there he is, entirely naked and already rock-hard.

“The hot tub eeh?” You wink and begin to undress as you continue, “I see they shaved you again. And you’ve been working out more? I can’t wait to see it”  You say as you smile and start getting in.

“I know how much you like my chest hair baby but they really wanted a…”

He shuts up as you quickly straddle him and kiss him with more passion than he had anticipated. His cock lifts up pressing on your crotch. He lifts you up with an arousing level of ease, and situated himself to you. You know his favorite is when you move your body forward and back rather than up and down, so you do. Before he’s even got it in all the way, The hot water is a new but sexy type of lubrication for him to glide easily but firmly into you. You thrust quickly as he arches his back and throws his head back in intense pleasure. You feel his Member throb so you know he’s about to come. His arms shoot out of the water and wrap around your back, His strong hands pull you down to his chest, pressed firmly against every inch of his body. One hand rubbing down to your crack, the other under your left arm, squeezing you to him, an embrace of making love more than just sex. One last hard thrust from his hips, lifts you from the water and causes you both to come simultaneously.
as you start to speak, he grabs your head and pulls you down to his lips, his wet face pulls itself to yours as his tongue explores new parts of your anticipating mouth. Your tongues working together, moving in rhythm to create a dance of love and pleasure. You lift your head from him and he says,

“I’m in love with you baby.”

You don’t have a chance to respond as he pulls you back down to his mouth, you feel his softening dick come out of you and he both of you lye there in each others arms, before you say,

“lets go get something to eat. Maybe afterwards we can come home and you can have me for dessert.”

You pull his arm as he gets out of the hot tub behind you. He’s getting dressed as fast as he can because he’s excited for dinner as well as what is to come that night (gif).

*This is my first posted Smut so let me know what you think?

Originally posted by tiffato3

[ Chris extended imagine ] Quicksilver’s getting on the Cap’s nerves.

Original imagine: Imagine: Chris finding out about your past relationship with Aaron and becoming jealous; he started talking to you again since he saw you with Chris.

Written by: A.Wölf.

{ Requested by: @voicesandvoicesandmore }


Her mobile rings while she’s making dinner.

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They mentioned Chris Pine in the article but not Julie Andrews?!  Shut up!

“I was with Anne Hathaway a couple weeks ago, it looks like we want to do Princess Diaries 3 in Manhattan,” Princess Diaries director Garry Marshall tells PEOPLE. “Anne Hathaway is very pregnant, so we have to wait until she has the baby and then I think we’re going to do it.”

Might there be a role in there for Star Trek and Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement star Chris Pine? “Maybe,” Marshall says. “He’s quite big now, you know.”

Source: People (3/14/16)

Every actor on Parks and Rec is actually their character:
  • “I just love bossy women. I could be around them all day. To me, bossy is not a pejorative term at all. It means somebody’s passionate and engaged and ambitious and doesn’t mind leading.”–Amy Poehler
  • “I’d like to thank the devil and all the dark lords who gave me this award”– Aubrey Plaza
  • “Shut up, 50 Cent is sitting over there and I have to hear everything he says!”–Aziz Ansari
  • “The first lyrics of the song are ‘yo VIP, let’s kick it,’ which is a really nice way to start the song because it’s like saying ‘you’re a very important person let’s begin’. Then the next lyric is 'alright stop.’ Which is strange because we literally just started.”–Adam Scott
  • Interviewer: “In real life, if you had to pick a name to represent you as an outlaw in space, what you you pick?” Chris Pratt: “Boner Doctor.”
  • “Pursue decency in all dealings with your fellow man and woman. Simply put? Don’t be an asshole.”–Nick Offerman
Soundgarden Gothic
  • Matt Cameron is in Pearl Jam. The most upvoted youtube comment says he should fully dedicate to Soundgarden. Who wrote it? Dave Abbruzzjkgkjhf? Billiam Corgan? Matt Cameron trying to up the ante for himself? You. It was probably you. If not, then you should write one too, there’s never enough of those.
  • Chris is not in Pearl Jam. Everyone knows, because he won’t shut up about it. But he’s not in Soundgarden either, he’s in a tanning salon, burning his way to grace and eternity.
  • There’s a b-side, it was never released. Many things never get released, Kim keeps them underground, safe in separate cages. Chris writes ambiguous lyrics about that, you relate to the lyrics, consequently relating to the b-sides. You are the b-side. You’ve never been released.
  • Another most upvoted youtube comment says Black Hole Sun changed their life, you agree. A light flashes outside, you turn your head towards the window, the fish from the BHS video is there, it nods its head in agreement as well, and then it flies away singing: “Time to go back underground, to my rusty cage.”
  • The new song is written in simple time signature. You don’t like it, it smells like Audioslave. Your favourite smell is fresh cut grass, fresh deadly roses, and seaside in 19/8. Can waves have a time signature? My Wave is in 5/4 and 4/4
  • Kim’s beard isn’t happy with the simple time signature either. It emancipates itself from the band and releases a drone record.
  • Your favourite song by Sg is underrated. You’re not surprised. Your favourite album is underrated as well. You won’t even talk about that. As a matter of fact you will never talk again. You’ve taken a vow of silence. Applebite is playing in the background. “That’s how silence would sound if it were a song” you think to yourself, because you can’t speak out loud.
  • Ben Shepherd is out there somewhere.
The Fighter: A Chris Evans x Reader AU (3/4)

Part One / Part Two
You nudge the door to the gym open with your shoulder. You hum to yourself as you look down at the tray of drinks and bag of sandwiches in your hand. As the door drifts shut behind you, you peer up and into the ring. Chris’s attention is placed on one of his newer, younger boxers. He smiles as the young teenager copies Chris’s technique.

You walk towards Chris’s office, setting the food down onto the desk. Walking back out, you move to Frankie.

“How’s he doing today?” You ask, leaning against the ropes. Your eyes are still on Chris, just as Frankie’s are on his own boxer.

“I’d say he’s doing pretty well. - Charlie, you have to keep your hands up! He hasn’t taken any of those pain meds.”

“When does he ever?”

“Well, then he hasn’t bitched about ‘em today.” Frankie turns to you, smiling a bit. “How’re you doing, kid? How’s the wedding planning going?”

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I’ll Be Home for Christmas

Advent Prompt #18: Because of work, Darren hasn’t been home properly for months. Brian is not amused and makes his feelings known. 1.2K [AO3]  Read Previous Advent fics on: AO3 | Tumblr

Darren calls Chris the second he leaves the airport, bleary eyed and jet lagged in the back of a cab. “Should I be bringing home treats for Brian and Cooper? Because I totally didn’t buy anything for them, if so.”

“What, like a commemorative tote bag from the Chicago airport?” Chris snarks back. “A keychain? Something from the duty free store?”

“Shut up. I don’t know. Like, dog and cat appropriate toys or treats? Something to endear them to me?”

“They’re animals, Darren,” Chris says very matter-of-factly.

“You say this like you don’t treat them like tiny children. You dress them in themed costumes from every major holiday, don’t act like I’m the crazy one here.”

Chris sighs heavily. “I don’t know. I doubt gifts are really the way into their hearts. Just be prepared for them not to remember you, okay?”

“Wait, they might not remember me? Seriously? What the fuck, I’ve spent months feeding them and petting them and taking Cooper on walks,” Darren grumbles, vaguely horrified.

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I had a call with one of their development guys the other day, and I was talking about Paul F. Tompkins’s show No, You Shut Up! which is Paul and a bunch of puppets, and that show’s really weird and I was like “I can’t believe we’re joining a network where we might not even be the weirdest show.” He just paused and was like “Take that as a challenge” and I’m like, I hope he knows what he’s getting into when he says that….. I mean, I haven’t spoken to Paul about it — I’ve met him a bunch of times and I think he’s a really nice guy — but if we get into a weird Cold War-type arms race about who can be more bizarre, I think it’ll either end really well or really poorly for both of us. If this network involvement turns into a quiet, brooding war between myself and Paul F. Tompkins, I would like to think I can win that war. And if he reads that here, I hope that we become mortal enemies.
—  Chris Gethard, talking about his hopes of having paulftompkins as his mortal enemy.

Stiles Stilinski is a little shit by WeirdV

Rating: General

Word Count: 3928

They’re sitting at a table together, Stilinski has his feet on the table and is texting someone on his phone.

He might be a little shit, but he’s good at what he does. If he hadn’t been, he wouldn’t still be acting at age twenty five. 7 years in the business, still going strong.

“Stilinski, focus” Chris Argent says, smacking his hand on the table, “This success is on your shoulders. You’d better be scandal free.”

“Jeez” he rolls his eyes, “I haven’t had a scandal since that Heather thing five years ago.”

“You were spotted with a hooker last month” a blonde girl supplies.

“I was not” he rolls his eyes, “That was my friend Erica, she came from a fancy dress party.”

“Yeah right” Derek rolls his eyes in response, and Stilinski shoots him a dirty look.

“Shut the fuck up” Stiles spits, “Who are you even? Some washed up actor? You don’t know the first thing about me, okay? Erica is my personal assistant, she’s also married to my friend, Boyd. So don’t judge me, you little bitch.”