he's like oh yeah i'm just here playing with my own doll i do this all the time oh hey i didn't see you there

This is 💯% me when my BF be on some shit 🌝
  • Guy: You look so beautiful tonight.
  • Girl: Do I?
  • Guy: Yes, you look perfect.
  • Girl: Do you mean it?
  • Guy: Absolutely. You're my best friend, and my inspiration. You're a shining light in the dark abyss that is life. You're-
  • Other Girl: *crawls out of the bushes* Hey guys.
  • Guy: Who are you?
  • Other Girl: *shrugs* I just woke up in the bushes. Are you guys here to see the super ultra moon?
  • Girl: Excuse me, but we came here to have a private moment. No offense, but you're kind of ruining it.
  • Other Girl: Oh, sorry! Haha, I'm such a goober. I'll leave you two to your business. Bow-chika-wow-wow. *winks and runs to a tree across from them where she stares at them with a smile on her face*
  • Guy: I think we should go, honey.
  • Girl: I agree.
  • *the guy and the girl wander through the park seemingly unable to find their way out*
  • Guy: Something is seriously wrong. The park was never this big.
  • Girl: I'm sure we're just a bit lost, hon.
  • Guy: How the hell can we be lost? It's just the park. We've been walking in the same direction for so long. We can see buildings across the street right there, but we just don't get any closer to them.
  • Other Girl: *jumps out of nearby bushes* HEY GUYS!
  • Girl: AIIIIIEEEEEEE!
  • Guy: You startled my girlfriend, you idiot.
  • Other Girl: Hehe, sorry! I was just excited to see you two again.
  • Girl: Maybe you can help us. We can't seem to find our way out of the park. Perhaps you'll be able to give us some directions.
  • Other Girl: Oh, you can't leave. Not while that big gay moon is up in the sky. You're stuck here for good.
  • Guy: You're just messing with us.
  • Other Girl: Nope. I've been here for... *counts her fingers* three-hundred years maybe.
  • Girl: If you were stuck here for three-hundred years, then why are you wearing modern clothes?
  • Other Girl: The moon doesn't run on human time, you goober. In the real world, I've probably been gone for like a year tops maybe. But here, time passes much slower and you never age. So it has probably been like three-hundred years.
  • Guy: That's is just a bunch of nonsense. Leave us alone, you freak.
  • Other Girl: Hey, I'm just trying to help out, macho dude. *tosses a sharp rock at the guy* You guys are lucky, though. I heard a rumor that if two lovers enters the moon's gaze, they can escape. One lover just has to kill the other.
  • Girl: *gasps* Are you actually suggesting that we try to kill one another?
  • Other Girl: Hey, I'm not suggesting anything. I'm just telling you what I heard. I could care less about what you goobers get up too. I'm outtie! *runs off*
  • Guy: She's totally full of shit.
  • Girl: You think so?
  • Guy: I know so. Freaks like her are the worst. Come on, honey. We'll be fine.
  • *twenty long moon years later*
  • Girl: *crawls into tiny tree bark fort* I'm home with dinner, hon.
  • Guy: *stops playing with his leaf dolls* Dinner, yes! What'd you get?
  • Girl: Crab apples and pine cones.
  • Guy: But, I hate crab apples and pine cones. We eat them every day.
  • Girl: Well, that's all there is to eat.
  • Guy: What about the berries? I liked the berries.
  • Girl: I couldn't find any berries.
  • Guy: You found some berries just a few days ago.
  • Girl: That was like six years ago!
  • Guy: Sorry, I haven't been keeping track of the time. Every single day here is exactly the same. Couldn't you just go the extra mile and find some berries for me?
  • Girl: Listen, I had to bust my ass just to find these apples and pine cones. Beggars can't be choosers. Be grateful that I found anything.
  • Guy: Beggar? I'm not a beggar, I'm your husband!
  • Girl: Whoa! When did you become my husband?
  • Guy: We've been together for so many years!
  • Girl: And in that time, we've never gotten married. We haven't taken any vows.
  • Guy: Listen, after being together for so long, we're basically married.
  • Girl: Maybe I'd consider us a married couple if you ever pulled your own weight. You don't do anything! I find the food, I repair the fort, I do everything important!
  • Guy: You're being unfair. I've done things. I came up with the idea for the fort.
  • Girl: Yeah, twenty years ago, and guess who actually built the thing? Me! All you do is play with your stupid dolls!
  • Guy: *gasps* They are not stupid! You're horrible!
  • Girl: Oh, I can't stand you! *grabs the sharp rock and bashes the guy over his head*
  • Guy: Stop! You're hurting me!
  • Girl: *bashes the guy until he stops moving*
  • Girl: *drags the guy's dead body out into the moonlight* I killed him! I did it, see! Now let me go, you stupid moon!
  • Moon: *remains large, gay, and silent*
  • Girl: Come on! Do something!
  • Other Girl: *jumps out of the bushes* Yo, long time no see- HOLY SHIT! You killed that guy!
  • Girl: Yes. He was unbearable. I did it so I can escape. Why isn't it working?
  • Other Girl: Huh?
  • Girl: You told us way back when that if you kill your lover, you can escape the park.
  • Other Girl: Oh, that? I was fucking with you. The moon never lets anyone go. You're here forever.
  • Girl: You were lying!? B-But why would even lie about something like that...
  • Other Girl: Hey, sorry. Being stuck in this place for years on end makes you kind of apathetic about everything. But hey, life goes on, hehe, forever! Unless someone bashes your head in with a rock, I guess. See ya, you dumb goober! *runs off*
  • Girl: *shakes the guy's corpse* Hey, please wake up. I don't want to be here all alone. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do it. Please just wake up... please...