okay, so before that clip dropped and we all (understandable) lost our shits, i was thinking about deckerstar and what i see some (not all) of the fandom saying lately. this is gonna be long.
one of the things that i have seen a few times is that lucifer is selfish and chloe deserves better than him cause he left her. the thing is, one of my favorite aspects of this show is that things aren’t ever truly black or white. like, was it fucked up and unfair to chloe that he left (especially when he did) and didn’t say anything? yes. should she be pissed? yes. but that doesn’t mean that we can’t look at what lucifer has gone though (literally hell and back) and understand why he is doing what he’s doing. you know the biggest obstacle that lucifer and chloe are facing right now is that there is so much of the story that she just doesn’t know. if you look at it from her point of view, he just up and left, “married” someone else, because he’s an asshole. but we, as an audience, know that it isn’t that simple. i’m not even gonna address candy, because i think that is a smoke screen for their real issues.
earlier i found this post, an interview from wondercon where the showrunners basically say exactly what i feel. what joe said that really hit me in the feels bone was “in his mind, he’s in a protective mode of her because how he feels is that if god sent her, she has no choice in her feelings so they’re not real. and that’s not fair to her. so he’s like “how do i break this, how do i undo? how do i undo it for her sake?” she doesn’t deserve to have been put on a burden called lucifer. she was put on his path, she deserves to make her own choice but how do you do that when she is sort of chosen to love you but… it’s that ultimate conundrum. for somebody who is about free will, that’s his thing, that’s all he is.” and it just fucked. me. up. cause even though he hurt her, it’s not out of any place of malice (which doesn’t make it okay) it’s because he wants her to have a choice. he wants her to be free. he has the utmost respect for her and thinks she truly deserves the best. which he thinks is in no way him. and it’s not even just this, cause on the beach before she kissed him he made it clear that he feels unworthy or her, and now that was just confirmed to him, and he probably feels rather shameful that he ever though she could actually love him of her own free will. which she does! but he has so much self-loathing and so much anger towards his father that he just can’t see it. he doesn’t get it. why would she love him? and even though we know he is heartbroken and in pain, his real and only concern is her. it’s always her. so i see people saying luci is being selfish, it’s like the opposite is true.
but on the flip side, it’s not fair to her either cause she doesn’t have the full story and therefore how can she make her own choice? he doesn’t really see that he’s not giving her one. shouldn’t he let her decide if she wants to be with him once she knows? and i think when she does find out the truth, if she is mad at him for anything it’d be that. cause chloe does love him, and her feelings are real (as the writers confirmed) but now she feels betrayed by this person that she trusted. but she doesn’t know the extent of what he has done for her. and that all comes down to his fear of her rejecting him if he shows her his true face. the thing is, i don’t think she will react the way he thinks she will. i don’t think she’ll drop him out of her life, run scared or any of those things. she wouldn’t be human if she weren’t shaken by it, and what it entails - but i do think that in her gut she knows who he really is already. i think she senses it, and i think she more or less understands who he is even if she can’t accept it as truth yet.
but someday she will, and i do think it’s hurtling towards that soon. then it’s like, if chloe was put in his path - i don’t actually think it’s that simple either - she’s gonna see the whole picture and that’s gonna change how she perceives his actions toward her. also, once she knows who he is, and once she knows what he has done for her, it’ll be so massively clear to her how much he loves her and maybe luci is afraid of that a bit too. like, “hey no big deal but i killed my brother to save you and it made me suicidal and i’m traumatized by it. not to mention i have also died and went to hell and back for you. twice.” he couldn’t possibly down play that. and that, really, i think is what would forever change their relationship.
basically i’m saying yeah, luci fucked up. but he fucked up for the right reasons. with the right intentions. and chloe is pissed, but she’s pissed cause she doesn’t know any of his intentions. he’s keeping this massive, massive part of his life from her and you cannot have a full relationship based on that, which is why people wanting them together now kinda confuses me? they have a long way to go, but i know it’s gonna be such a good journey, you guys. just think of chloe learning the extent of lucifer’s love for her, think of the relief lucifer will feel when he learns/accepts her feelings are real. they’re gonna truly come home to each other someday and all of this gonna have made that taste so much sweeter.