he's brandishing a knife

[[My players made the mistake of letting me run a campaign on April Fool’s Day]]

Me: As you’re walking through the woods, you notice how eerily quiet everything is. Suddenly out of the corner of your eye, you see a shape about 30 feet back. You can tell it’s a human, but something about it makes you uneasy. Before you can do anything, however, it gets down on all fours and breaks into a sprint.

Sorcerer: (figured it out) …oh my god, you didn’t.

Me: Your instincts tell you to run, but he’s quickly gaining on you. As he gets closer, you can see he’s brandishing a knife and has blood on his face– no, there’s blood everywhere. He lunges for you, shouting out, “SHIA SURPRISE!”

The entire party: *exasperated groaning*

rowana-renee-deactivated  asked:

How many cookies would it take to bribe you into telling me a story, Bucky? They're homemade, and any story will do.

all of them. i will tell you the story while i wait for all of the cookies.

once upon a time, a little shit decided to go fight nazis. 

usually when i start a story that way, its a steve story. but this time its a me story.

i too fought nazis, my friend, and it was not fun at all.  it turns out nazis dont like being fought, and will fight back. this caused us a great deal of stress and trenchfoot. 

as you may or may not know, my nazi fighting buddies were called the howling commandoes. we had a reputation as being ‘howling mad’ which most people assumed is where our name came from. 

it is not.

so shortly after we’d signed up as steves unit, we got sent out on a sort of breaking-in mission. it was supposed to be a pretty routine just-behind-enemy-lines gig, mostly to see how we’d do as a team. at that point, we were the first ‘integrated’ squad under american command, so they wanted to be sure we were up to snuff. basically they sent us a few miles into a relatively lightly-fortified occupied area to blow up a few supply trucks. it went pretty smoothly. we were still getting to know each other, a bit. we’d met in the hydra camp in austria and bonded pretty well there but it wasnt like we were sitting around doing icebreaker questions. so on that first mission we spent a lot of time chatting, getting a better feel for each other as people. like summer camp, but with more potential for death, and shooting of nazis, explosions, and overgrown science experiments in spangly pants. 

so maybe not like summer camp at all.  i wouldnt know, i never went to summer camp. 

anyways, we blew up the supply trucks and we were headed back towards base when we came across a nice little stream. most of us were pretty dirty, so we agreed to take a few minutes, strip down and wash up. the area we were in was supposed to be secure; it was a slightly disputed border area, but it had been safely in allied hands for months. probably it wasn’t the smartest call, but sometimes you get dirt places you never wanted dirt and are willing to literally risk death to get rid of that dirt. 

we left our gear in a little stand of trees on the far side of the stream and washed up. 

at this point, dumdum dougan was establishing his reputation as the Toughest Guy Ever, which was a rough gig when one of your squadmates is captain america, who literally walks off bullet wounds like a moron. nevertheless, dumdum had the mustache and was determined to be the manliest man around, so when the rest of us got in, clean, and back out as fast as we could manage, because the water was freezing, dumdum decided to prove how macho he was by pretending he wasnt cold at all, and the rest of us were wimps. 

naturally, the rest of us thought he was ridiculous. we were all pretty much dressed and good to go, and dumdum was still sitting in an ice-cold stream in april, bragging about how tough he was. i, being a little shit, covertly suggested we play a little prank. 

so the rest of us finished gearing up, then grabbed his things and started running. his pack, his gun, his boots…all his clothes except his hat, which was hanging off the handle of a knife he’d stuck in the tree. we knew he’d stop to get the hat, and that gave us a head start.

as soon as we started running, dumdum came out of the stream after us, and as expected, stopped to get his hat and knife. we had a decent head start, and he was yelling at the top of his lungs after us. we were all laughing our heads off, because he looked like a complete idiot, running after us brandishing a knife, in nothing but a bowler hat. 

unbeknownst to us, a nazi squad had been sneaking through the woods ahead of us, and were setting up an ambush on one of our transport trucks. they were all tucked away in the underbrush, waiting for the transport to get close enough, and had just popped out of the shrubbery and fired their first couple shots.

which was approximately when a ragtag-looking, still-wet group of cackling maniacs led by the bastard child of paul bunyan and lady liberty burst out of the treeline, being chased by an angry naked man in a bowler hat with a knife. 

there was a very long moment when everyone stopped shooting at everyone else and stared at us. 

and then everyone went back to shooting at everyone else.  but the ambush was angled to ensnare the transport coming up the road. we came from behind them, and they had pretty much no cover from our angle. as soon as we realized we’d run into a combat zone, we dropped the gear and started shooting. steve used the dinner platter of justice and cleared out about four nazis at once, and dumdum got the worlds unluckiest nazi with his knife. poor guy. there’s not a whole lot worse than your last sight on earth being a naked dumdum dougan.

 we’d unintentionally provided a perfect distraction, and the transport had time to regroup and return fire. between us, the ambush was taken care of in a few minutes. 

but the thing was, we’d broken protocol by stopping to wash up, and as a shiny new unit still on probation, the last thing we wanted was to tell anyone what had actually happened. 

so instead we told them that we’d known about the ambush and had decided to provide a distraction, and were just crazy enough that we thought the best way to do that was run howling straight into it. dumdum’s nudity was explained as a personal preference: the man just likes fighting nazis naked, sir, and you cant say it wasnt effective??

naturally, the story went everywhere and got bigger each time it was told. probably we should have gotten in tons of trouble but the story was such a morale booster that they let it slide. 

and thats why we were called the howling commandoes. 

Let’s Sort the Clowns

We’re now three episodes into ‘AHS: Cult’, So I think it’s time for me to lay out my predictions.

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anonymous asked:

I kind of think Anti would adopt Robbie as a sort of like...older brother figure, and he'd get all protective of Robbie if ppl started acting to weird or creepy with him or messing with him too much and Anti would be like "HEY, NO ONE GETS TO FUCK WITH ROBBIE BUT ME YOU DICKS".

I meant like Anti would adopt himself as Robbie’s older brother figure hghdjf I realized I probably worded my last ask weird.

haha i get what you mean! and when anti gets angry, he brandishes his knife into robbie every now and then, and robbie just shrugs like he can’t feel anything. but schneeplestein always scolds anti like having to stitch robbie back together every time anti loses his temper.

i could also see anti caught by surprise when robbie loses his temper. like robbie tends to get frustrated, especially when it comes to relearning his speech and when he can’t pronounce things, he ends up flipping the table and anti’s a bit intrigued by how powerful that little zombie is omg 

Spirit in the House - Chap 1/10

Modern!AU Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Reader is in a coma after a car accident. Bucky moves into your apartment and find your spirit still hanging around. (Based on Just like Heaven)

Word Count: 1;499

Warnings: Car Accident, Coma, Drinking, Depression, Language (but I swear it’s basically fluff)

A/N: I am SO excited for this new series, you have no idea. This is a big thank you for 1k and Lord knows I’m grateful for all of you. I love you guys, don’t think I’ve taken you for granted. Hope you’ll like this one my lovelies ♥

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6] [Part 7] [Part 8] [Part 9] [Part 10]

Originally posted by avasparks

You were walking fast through the little park in front of your best friend’s house. It was pitch black and you were already an hour late. The park was exceptionally quiet, nobody was out. When your phone chimed, you slowed down a little as you fumbled through your purse to pull it out.

“Where are you?” Your best friend urged.

“Peggy, I’m so sorry. Work was crazy, but I’m in the park.”

You looked up and saw her standing at her kitchen window, her eyes roamed over the dimly lit street to find you. You waved and told her to look straight ahead. She waved back, although her lips turned into an upset pout.

“You could have called.”

“Thought I was going to bail on you, didn’t ya?”

“Well, yeah.” She admitted.

You watched as the corners of her lips curled upward. She kept her eyes on you as you crossed the street to her house.

“Just hurry up, everyone’s starving.”

You snorted, glancing furtively around to make sure there was no car. You opened your mouth to retort when the screech of tyres made your head snap up.

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one: stockholm syndrome.

Originally posted by parkchny

🔪character: baekhyun x you & everyone else later

🔪word count: nope

🔪genre: fluff and angst

a/n: nice to write after such a long block. im in the midst of my a-levels so the updates will be a little faster in a few days time. finally, the muse i’ve been wanting to write for years and months, byun baekhyun, it’s your time to shine!

sneakpeek: tied up to a chair and thirsty. for a cup of water or for the cutie in front of you? (pps* I’M NOT ENCOURAGING STALKING OR KIDNAPPING OF ANY SORT.)

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squirrellygirlart  asked:

"I'm sorry it had to happen this was," she whispered as she pulled the blade out. (MariChat)

“I’m sorry it had to happen this way,” she whispered as she pulled the blade out.

“Now, now, Princess,” Chat pleaded. “Th-there’s a way out of this!”

“No there isn’t Chat Noir,” Marinette sighed, the blade inching closer to him. “It’s too late.”

A few quick swipes of the knife and Chat stood, scraps of multi-colored yarn piled around his boots.

“I’m sorry, Adrien,” she huffed. “Now it’ll take even longer to make a hat to match the scarf I made you.”

“As much as I appreciate you getting me out of that mess, Princess, I would have untangled myself eventua…wait,” he blinked, “Adrien? Scarf?”

Marinette brandished the knife in his face and he backed away, eyes wide and his Adam’s apple bobbing. “Never. Play. With my good yarn. Ever. Again.”

Star Cross’d - Part 3

Short chapter, I know. Next week’s will be longer!

Fandom: Supernatural
Pairing: Alpha!Dean x Omega!Reader
Words: 950ish
Summary: Dean realizes something
Warnings: Swearing
Other Parts: Masterlist

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(somewhat lengthy drabble under the cut, bc I wrote a thing but didn’t feel like making a comic)

Two strange companions walked together, a masked man and a super mutant, in the evening sun. They were making the long trek back into Boston from the Commonwealth’s outskirts when Greyson came to a halting stop. Strong easily overtook him before stopping as well, realizing the human was no longer by his side. He looked back at him.

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Some Jally Headcannons:

• Dally being so over protective of Johnny
• Johnny being all cautious around Dally, even though they’re dating it’s just in his nature to be a little cautious around everyone. even if he is comfortable with them
• Dally would call Johnny ‘Doll’ in front of the gang with no shame
• when this happens Johnny will nervously look at the gang because each time Dally says it he feels embarrassed
• he secretly likes it though
• Dally not only helps Johnny out if he runs into some socs but Johnny has been known to help Dally out too
• one time 6 or 7 socs all jumped Dally
• you’d think anyone wouldn’t be stupid enough to jump Dallas Winston but to the Socs if you could jump Dally and win then it was an accomplishment
• they probably would have won the fight if Johnny didn’t show up
• they all ran for their life as soon as Johnny brandished the famous knife he used to kill Bob
• Dally would probably say something like: “I could’ve taken them”
• but then he’d look at Johnny and see how scared he looks and Dally would loosen up a little and smile at Johnny
• “thanks, kid”
• Dally would never admit to this series of events occurring to the gang, although they all knew
• Johnny wouldn’t bring it up either because he knows how important Dally’s reputation is to him

  • Tamlin *in beast form*: How can you choose him over me??? That-that BEAST
  • Feyre *holding rhys' hand and brandishing her knife*: HES NOT THE BEAST, TAMLIN. YOU ARE!!!
  • Tamlin: *claw over heart* moi? A beast? Never!


Dean turned his head, sure he heard Emmarie screaming for him. He listened intently for a minute and finally decided he must have been hearing things.

“Daddy, help!” Came Emmarie’s little voice from somewhere within the bunker. Dean grabbed his gun and took off down the hall, his robe billowing behind him. He ran past Emmarie’s room and did not find her there. He slowed as he approached the dungeon, his gun leading the way.

When he stepped into the dungeon, he dropped his gun to his side and chuckled softly. Emmarie was standing in front of Sam wielding a sword. An actual sword. She was wearing her favorite princess dress and had Sam held at sword point and tied up, pretty securely.

“There you are, Daddy. I think Uncle Sam is a shifter. We might have to gank him,” she said seriously, eying Sam in the chair.

Dean couldn’t help but laugh. “There is one way to find out for sure,” Dean said brandishing a knife. “One little cut will tell us,” he added, the knife coming to rest in Sam’s heated skin.

Sam looked at Emmarie feigning innocence. These games they played always so serious. “Do it, Daddy,” she said seriously. She was one tough five year old.

“Emm, come on. I’m not a… OWW! Dammit Dean she wasn’t serious!” Sam yelped, jerking away from the knife.

“Looks like we’re safe,” you said as you left your perch at the door and walked toward Sam to free him. “You and Daddy have saved the day, sweetheart,” you smiled as you freed Sam. He got up, holding his cut arm.

“You better watch your back, Sammy,” Emmarie said pointing the sword at him and eyeing him suspiciously as he walked out of the dungeon.

“With a fierce hunter like you running around here, you bet I will,” Sam promised with a wink, leaving the room. Emmarie giggled and fist bumped Dean. “Thanks for the back up, daddy.”

“Anytime, princess,” Dean replied, stealing a kiss before she charged from the room to conquer the next monster she encountered.

Rescue (Bellamy Blake x Reader)

Request: can u do a Bellamy imagine like murphy takes u instead of jasper and use prompts 7 & 15 and the octavia and clarke realise why bellamys fighting so hard for your safety and that’s prompt 10 like yeah pretty much that whole scene though thankyou xx

A\N: Sorry this took so long to post, I had it all written but my phone crashed and it never saved :(( Hope you like it, i hope it’s okay that I changed a bit of what happens in this so it’s not exactly the same as the episode\scene xox

Originally posted by bellrkebby

Warning: Swearing, violence 

As you walk inside the drop ship, an eery feeling washes over you. Something bad is going to happen. Brushing the thought away, you were ready to meet your best friend Jasper, ready to have your daily session filled with gossip, jokes, terrible puns and your obsession with Octavia’s older brother, Bellamy. Suddenly, the loud grinding noise of the large door startles you as it begins to close. When the noises stop you hear a plethora of shouting coming from outside, and you recognise Jasper and Ravens voice calling your name. You bang your fist on the cold metal and let out a sigh of relief when someone knocks back. But before you can speak, a voice has you snapping around.

 "Didn’t mean to frighten you, princess.“ Murphy apologises, sitting down on Ravens work table. You cringe at the nickname but think about the real problem at hand. 

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I don’t understand how someone can ship creek and hate kyman. Like, creek is a hate ship too. People only started shipping them once they fought, but they complain that kyman is abusive? I’ve put examples of why this ship is unhealthy under the cut.

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I think I liked you better when you didn’t have a knife in your hand, Peaches... Chapter 88 - Cold Mornings & Rooftops

When Blake finds herself sold out to the Saviours by her abusive fiancé, she realises that she’s certainly not on her own anymore and finds an unlikely friend in Negan. And Negan does NOT like men who beat their girlfriends, one tiny bit…


Chapter 88 - Cold Mornings & Rooftops

[After a night spent up on a cold rooftop, Negan and Blake awaken as stiff and sore, as expected…]

Blake gave a small groan as her eyes flickered slowly open.

It was early morning. So early in fact, that the sun was not yet up, and a strained white cloud sat heavy and pale across the sky.

Blake’s entire body right now felt stiff and achy and utterly freezing, and it took her a moment or two to realise just why she was outside, her entire body shivering with cold.

She lifted her head a little, every part of her body, including her neck feeling sore and bruised now, as she turned to look at the soft body she was curled up neatly into.

There he was, lying on his back, eyes closed, his arm still thrown lazily around her, still in that dusty old leather jacket of his…looking far less-exhausted now than he had done last night.

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Here is the final story for the Random Raffle winner @nerdyearthling7​ whom requested and Anti X Reader using prompts 15 and 22 of the most recent prompt list. Please, enjoy the newest tale: Something.

(15.  I’m sure that sounded different in your head, but please never say that again.

22.   He knew he was home when her(your) lips touched his.)

Originally posted by goatision

You cross your arms over your chest, watching Anti continue to argue with Wilford and Chase. You know this won’t end well. Anti will get angry and fly off the handle. He’ll brandish his favorite kitchen knife and try to stab Wilford because he looks similar to Dark then he’ll go after Chase because he hates the bro-boy.

With a sigh you stand up and head over to the three men. You don’t want them to start trying to kill each other and in the process hurting others around them…including you.

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Choose Your Mistakes #12D

Part twelve, route D, of the interactive fanfiction, Choose Your Mistakes. Please check the FAQ and the Setting Info if you haven’t already, and be sure to make your choice below.

You chose to ask Anti about himself.

Originally posted by marielgum

“Is that what you do for fun around here?” you replied, hoping that if you could get him talking he would reveal  information to help you escape.
“Nah Doll,” he sneered. “Usually I kill people.”
“Dude, you need a better hobby,” you muttered, trying to navigate by the glow of your phone without letting Anti see where you were.

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In Love (Bellamy Blake x Reader)

Summary: You always seem to find Bellamy at the worst of times but this time it ended in the best way you could have ever possibly imagined. 

Originally posted by bellarke-stydia

The sun has yet to rise but everyone seems to be wide awake, huddled in a tight circle. You attempt pushing through and getting to the front but nothing seems to work until you see Finn. Tapping his shoulder, he turns around and you know something’s wrong. His eyes are wide with fear and his mouth is parted in shock.

“What’s going on?” You try yelling but the noise of people’s shouts and cheers are too loud so Finn just grabs your arm and pulls you in front of him. That’s when you see it. In the middle of the wild crowd where he stands. “Bellamy!” You yell to him when Finn doesn’t let you run up to him. But it’s no use because he can’t hear you, he keeps his eyes on his opponent - Murphy, who’s brandishing a knife - the whole time. Feeling tears burn your eyes, you notice the blood dripping down his face from the fresh cut above his eyebrow, “Murphy, stop!” You yell as you push past Finns rough hold. Murphy pauses and looks at you. The crowd quiets down. 

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You’re a Wizard, Neil

Part One: Part Two: Neil and the foxes become true wizards at The Wizarding World of Harry Potter Part three:

  • It’s only a 6 hour drive to Orlando so they take the fox bus
    • Neil didn’t want to take Andrew more out of his comfort zone by flying on top of being surrounded by hundreds of people at a stuffy themepark
  • Wymack and Abby come with them and it’s officially deemed as a team bonding event (Wymack knows it’s not but he indulges them anyway)
  • They want Neil to get the whole Universal experience so Allison and Matt pitch in and book them rooms at the Cabana Bay Beach Resort so they’re right inside the park the entire time
  • And they get the 4 day park-to-park fastpass tickets so they can take their time on the rides and in both Universal Studios and Islands of Adventure
  • Neil is excited and overwhelmed

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