he's baked

2

My stoned ass made some good munchie decisions last night 💖✨

A Christmas Miracle, Please!

Title: A Christmas Miracle, Please!
Author: tinysparkofmagic (stardustandangels)
Rating: Teen and Up Audiences
Warnings: None Apply
Completed: Yes
Word count: 13592
Summary: Eric has found another outlet for the stress that his classes cause him. On top of baking, he writes and animates a cartoon for children. He’s fairly successful, too.
When he hears the voice of the boy selling Christmas trees he knows that he needs this boy’s voice. But is Eric brave enough to actually ask him to help him?

Most memorable line: “Are those … Gingerbread … Ladies?”
“Um, yes. Lardo’s having a feminist phase at the moment, so I made some for her. She’s not all that into men right now.”

anonymous asked:

they both can't cook to save their LIVES, but on their anniversary yama tries to make a candle lit dinner for tsukki, and basically it ends in a destroyed kitchen and a dramatic phone call to akiteru and he just sighs "yamaguchi literally go to the nearest toy store and buy an easy bake oven he will not be able to tell the difference" - hamilton anon

EASY BAKE OVEN

~ Mod Han

another tea time story for @erwinsalive. her prompt was “grocery shopping”.


they have a list. well, levi has a list. levi has the aisles memorized, has it sorted so they start in produce and move through to frozen foods before checking out. normally, his handwriting is around average, but on grocery day, it’s fucking perfect. it’s his fine print. his unofficial contract with his big oaf of a husband.

it’d be admissible in court. sorry your honor, but as you can see here on this list, chocolates were not there. can you honestly blame me for having to stab him in the middle of the candy aisle? i rest my case.

it’s hange’s birthday this weekend, and levi promised to bring a cake to their party. levi hates going down the baking aisle. it’s the hardest aisle to keep erwin focused in. but he loves baking from scratch, so it takes him several minutes to fill his arms with the ingredients for a chocolate wine cake before returning to their cart.

“what the fuck is that.” levi hisses. there’s a big bag of dove chocolates sitting on top of a head of broccoli. 

erwin hums. “what?”

“don’t you ‘what’ me.” levi drops the ingredients into the cart and pulls the list out and shoves it into erwin’s hands. “read it.”

erwin nods as he reads the list. “broccoli, celery, potatoes, green peppers…”

“to yourself!” levi’s temper is flaring as he turns to put the chocolates back on the shelf. 

they make it through the rest of the store without incident. at check out, they pile the groceries on the conveyer belt, sorted by product type to avoid crushing anything on the ride home. that’s when levi sees them.

“erwin! are you shitting me right now?!” levi grabs the bag of chocolates from the belt and squeezes them in his fist. the clerk stops mid-scan, wide eyed and unsure if she should continue.

erwin shrugs, a sly smile tugging at his lips.

“we have a budget for a reason. four fucking dollars is four dollars less that goes toward your future children’s college fund!”

“just one bag a month, darling.”

“one bag a month for 10 years is…” levi stops to calculate, can’t seem to carry the two in his head, and shakes out his agitation through his limbs. “a lot of fucking money! and that doesn’t include inflation!”

“i can put it back…” the clerk says softly.

“that’s not the point!” levi snaps at her.

“darling, it’s not her fault. i’m sorry.” erwin nods an acknowledgement and goes to give the bag of sweets to the clerk. levi snatches the bag back and slams it on the belt.

“no, if you want it so bad, you can have it.”

“levi…”

levi crosses his arms and doesn’t say anything else until they’re in the parking lot and filling the back of erwin’s suv with their purchases.

“i’m sorry.” erwin says. levi doesn’t respond. “i’m just playing around. i didn’t mean to piss you off so much.”

levi stops, brings a hand to the bridge of his nose and huffs out a sigh. “i hate grocery shopping with you.”

“you hate grocery shopping.”

“yeah, i know.”

“i make it interesting, though.”

levi shakes his head.

“it’s only going to be worse when we have kids.” erwin says, a smile on his voice as he loads the last bag into the back.

“am i suppose to practice on you, then?”

erwin chuckles. “at least i can handle being yelled at.”

levi looks around the parking lot quickly before grabbing a big handful of erwin’s ass and squeezing. “you won’t be able to handle what i do to you when we get home.”

“oh, a threat?”

“a promise.”

erwin gets into the drivers seat, his cheeks and the tips of his ears red and hot, another successful grocery day completed.

Canada:… why am I here? When you call me and show up with a flamethrower things never turn out well. 

America: I figured out a better way to make cookies! Listen, I did the math,  and if it takes 10 minutes for them to bake at 400 degrees than it should only take them 1 minute to bake at 4,000 degrees! 

Canada: What?! No! You dd the math but not the science, Al, you can’t-

America: How about 4,000,00 degrees for 1 second?!

Canada: ALFRED NO PUT THE FLAMETHROWER BACK!!

America: I’M GOING TO FLY THESE COOKIES INTO THE SUN!!!

@lucifers-lawyer ;)

5

Zimbits au where they meet because Jack is taking a cooking class and the guy next to him is ridiculously good.

Like what’s the point of him taking the course if he isn’t even going to cook what the teacher is instructing? Most of the time he’s actually baking!

And Bitty is friends with the person giving the class, and he has some issues with his kitchen so the friend told them it was fine if he crashed and used one of the spare stations.

Thing is, the hot guy next to him keeps glaring and wow he is hopeless, so now Bitty spends more time fixing his messes instead of cooking…