Jason: [bursting into room, Damian in his arms, anguished] It’s a violent case of hiccups! Will he live, Doc?
Damian: [kicking] Let–hic–go–hic–Todd!
Dick: [drops everything, becomes very solumn, ear to Damian’s heart] He needs medicine badly. Nurse!
Tim: [salutes and grabs water bottle] Of course sir, right away sir!
Dick: Hold him down.
Jason: You got it.
Damian: [struggling] I’m–hic–going–hic–to hang you–hic–from your–hic–thumbs!
Dick: [stonily] Grab his nose, Nurse.
Tim: He’ll bite me, sir.
Dick: Get yourself together, man! Are you a goddamn nurse or not?
Tim: Aye aye, sir! [pinches Damian’s nose]
Damian: [voice muffled] Hang–hic–you above–hic–PIRANHAS–hic!
Jason: The patient is delusional!
Tim: Hurry, doctor!
Dick: [squirts water bottle into Damian’s mouth] LET US CAST OUT THIS ILLNESS!
Damian: [angry gargling]
Dick: [squirts eight times in sequence]
Tim: Best to put him out of his misery, doc
Dick: Keep hope, nurse!
Damian: [sputtering] I DESPISE ALL OF YOU!
Jason: He is healed!
All three: Hallelujah!
All three: [parade to Bruce’s study singing hymns, burst in and drop Damian in Bruce’s lap] THE POWER OF MODERN MEDICINE!
Bruce: [looks at boys]
Bruce: [looks at Damian]
Bruce: Why is your brother soaking wet?
Dick, Jason, Tim:
Dick, Jason, Tim: [pounce]
Damian: [latching onto Bruce like a spider monkey] FATHER NO HELP ME
Bruce: I’m changing Robin’s uniform to neon pink.
Damian: [softly, full of loathing] I will disown you.
Bruce: Are your hiccups gone?
Damian: I will not have it! Do you hear me? I will not!
Dick: His hiccups are gone.
Damian: Neon pink doesn’t camouflage well into the night, I couldn’t–
Tim: What, and red, green, and yellow do?
Damian: SHUT UP DRAKE THIS DOESN’T INVOLVE YOU
Bruce: [nods wisely] Alternative medicine.