he's a hipster doofus


Roy: Hey, here comes emo hipster doofus dude again. But he doesn’t have Jared with him.

Joël: Crap. I knew this was going to be a bad day. If I wake up and the first thing I see is you standing naked next to my bed, then the writing’s on the wall, isn’t it? It’s a sign. The day’s just going to turn out to be complete shit.

Roy: Yeah, right. Get over yourself. It would make any normal person’s day to wake up and see me standing naked next to their bed. Hell, what am I talking about? It would make their decade. They could go happily to their death knowing they’d lived a full life-

He flicks his cigarette at one of Jim’s rosebushes and fixes a plastic grin on his face as Edward approaches them.

Roy: ‘Sup, dude?  

Joël: Where’s Jared?

Edward: Jared’s inside crying. He won’t come out.

Edward explains about The Brick with Ears. Roy explains with some mirth that he is Freddie’s agent, and Freddie happens to owe him several massive favours.

Roy: If Jared spends the day with us today I’ll cut him a deal. As soon as Freddie’s completed his program at The Oaks I’ll personally make sure that he visits Jared’s school as Jared’s special guest, and treats all the kids in Jared’s class to a special coaching session. We might invite a few select journos and media representatives, but only the most trustworthy ones. We don’t want the event turned into a media circus. We just want to get the message out about how much Freddie appreciated the loyalty and support of his fans during his dark days in rehab, and how he just wants to give something back to the community to as a humble gesture of that appreciation. I’ll also organise private lessons for Jared with him every weekend, whenever he’s got some free time. And maybe Jared would also like a Seasons Pass to all the Llamas games? Sitting in the VIP section, of course…  

Edward: Wow, that sounds totally awesome and I don’t even like football. Okay, I’ll go tell him. Wait here-

Joël: Arsehole.

Roy: Hey, don’t mention it.

Joël: I’m not thanking you. Between you and her my son’s going to turn into a spoiled brat. Plus don’t pretend this is about Jared. It’s about making your client look good as much as anything else-

Roy: So? It’s my ability to sniff out opportunities that makes me the great sports agent I am today, dude. Besides, look at that huge smile on the kid’s face. Aww. What’s the problem? Everybody wins. Hey, Jared! Long time no see, buddy!

Jared: Is it true about Freddie? Freddie’s going to come to my school?

Joël: Hey. Excuse me. Over here. Remember me? Your Dad?

Roy: Yep, it’s true. Jump in Jared. We’re going to take you somewhere for lunch. Where do you want to go? Your choice.

Jared: Oh WOW! A Ferrari! How fast can it go?

Roy: Over 200 miles per hour. Or so I’m told. But I’ve never come close to doing speeds like that in Bridgeport. I wouldn’t want your Mum or your Stepdad to arrest me, would I? Heh heh…

Joël: I’ll just sit in the back and shut up and let you two catch up on old times, alright? Alright…