Okey but i am a sucker for angst and well i was thinking what do you think would happen if lotor wouldn't "save" keith and keith actually killed himself to save the mission... What do you think shiro would do and feel? Cause i have no idea... Well i can imagine him screaming at keith not to do it to find another way but what would he do after ?
You know the really awful thing about this? At first, Shiro would be congratulating him, saying good job. Because Team Voltron had no idea what was happening on the other end, they just knew Keith was going to try and stop the ship. And it stopped. So, mission success, right? Shiro commends him for his efforts, but the cruel irony there is that, if it was actually Keith who stopped the ship, he’d be dead. Shiro would be there smiling and telling Keith how proud he was and hearing–nothing. Dead silence.
Keith’s comms are completely down. It could be nothing, just some interference, the others reason. But Shiro tenses, and his stomach drops. Something’s not right here, he can feel it in his gut. The few seconds between when Coran’s call is received and they open up comms are the longest of his life. It’s childish and cowardly, but he doesn’t want to answer. Doesn’t want to hear the words. And even as Coran speaks, relays Keith’s world shattering decision–Shiro hardly listens. The words are there, punctuated by sharp breaths and wretched sobs, but Shiro doesn’t need to hear. He already knows what happened, can feel it in his bones.
Keith always gave back more than the universe deserved.
The flight back to the castle is a streak of stars and warbled static. Shiro doesn’t know how long it takes. Shiro isn’t sure when they made it back. Shiro hardly remembers sitting down until Hunk is already offering him a blanket and Allura insists he eat some food. He’s glassy-eyed and numb when everyone offers their condolences, hands reflexively clenching every now and again. The light that shoots up his galra tech arm is sheer impulse, but the flare is still enough to startle. Lance walks him back to his room and tells him he should rest.
For the longest time, Shiro wonders why he did it. How did he do it? Was he calm and composed right up until the very end? Did he scream? Did he cry? Did he break down and steel himself with some sacred oath of duty before he blasted himself to pieces? Did he ever think about how the others would feel? How he would feel? Did he ever believe his life was worth anything at all?
And you know what else is cruel? Keith didn’t even get to say his goodbyes. Not even so much as another, “It was an honor flying with you.” He was going to die without telling his team one last time how much they mean to him, without telling Shiro. He couldn’t bare to say his goodbyes, there wasn’t time, they would’ve tried to stop him–there are a number of reasons not to, so he didn’t. It’s for the best, he must’ve told himself. If he doesn’t acknowledge it, doesn’t speak the words aloud, then this can’t be real. Just close your eyes and it’ll all be over soon. It’s a thought Shiro can’t cut loose, and he lets it close around his throat with every shaky breath.
And it isn’t until the horrible sinking sensation creeps up on him in the midst of another sleepless night, slicing right through him like a knife–that he realizes, choking back a sob that devolves into a mindless scream. “It was always meant to be yours.”
Had Keith kept piloting Black instead, he would’ve been saved.
“Just know that we’re here for you whenever you need us.” “I know you are. And I can’t tell you how much that means to me.”
He can’t bare to set foot in Black for a long time after that.