he wanted me to post about him on tumblr

You are given a surprise opportunity to go see the Bethesda press conference, only for the trap to be revealed halfway through, when Todd Howard looks you dead in the eye and calls you up to join him on the stage. “I just wanted to pull up your tumblr blog really quick. I saw you made some interesting posts about me!” he smiles, but you could swear you saw a glimpse of a hand grenade in his jacket pocket.

Becoming Queer

When I was 8 I was obsessed with Disney’s Aladdin. Not just the original movie, but both of it’s poorly made sequels too. I watched them everyday after school while I drew pictures in our basement TV room, simultaneously fixated on their adventures and creating my own on paper.

I remember being absolutely in awe of how handsome Aladdin was, but also of the beauty of Princess Jasmine. They were the most attractive people I could ever imagine existing.

When I was 10 my mom gave me an American Girl book all about puberty and the female body. I only read through the whole thing once, but I left it close to my bed because of the one page I looked at nearly everyday.

It was one of the sections of the book on bodily changes throughout puberty– body hair, periods, etc. At the bottom of was a picture of several girls in front of a mirror, completely naked, to illustrate the different sizes and shapes of breasts. I was absolutely fascinated by these girls: the soft curves of their hips, their round and full breasts, the way their thighs came together. Despite their cartoonish nature, this was the closest I’d come to seeing a grown girl’s body. It was foreign and beautiful to me.

Somehow, I knew this wasn’t normal, so I always hid the book after I was done in case mom asked why I still had it.

When I was 12 I found my self distracted in classroom discussion circles looking at girls chests and lips and thighs. Every time I caught myself I’d immediately look down at my lap and blush. I’d learned by now that it wasn’t normal for girls to look at other girls like that, what it meant to be gay. But I’d eventually find my eyes wandering again, my thoughts focused on how beautiful one of my female classmates was.

I remember walking down the hallway one day mentally reciting “you can’t be a lesbian, you like boys… every girl must look at each other like this.”

When I was 13 one of the girls that I clung to during PE (because they were just as repulsed by physical exertion as I was) told us she was bisexual. This was the first time I’d been told someone could be attracted to boys and girls at the same time. It was confusing and enlightening at the same time.

I remember she put her arms around my shoulders once, during badminton week, her face inches from mine. It made me nervous, but in a way that I’d never felt before. My stomach had dropped, and I didn’t know why. It wasn’t like the fear I’d felt from scary movies and my dad yelling at me, but it wasn’t quite like when I felt exhilarated from riding a rollercoaster or binging on sugar with my friends… it was something in between, and entirely new.

I’d told my mom about it and she immediately wanted to call the principal and make sure the girl didn’t touch me like that again. That scared me, her reacting like that. I started acting repulsed by the girl afterwards, telling my friends she had flirted with me even though I wasn’t entirely sure she had, how weird it was and how weird she was.

Looking back, I probably wish that she had been flirting with me.

When I was 14 I was acquainted with the first queer couple I’d ever met. They were in theatre with me, and I’d been wanting them to start dating for months. At this point I’d stopped acting weirded out by gay people and claiming that bisexual people were “selfish and should just pick a side already.” I openly showed my support for gay people, citing my theatre friends of examples of how “normal” they could be.

I walked in on the couple in the dressing room one rehearsal, shocked to see them making out. I stood in the doorway a moment, then walked out without either of them seeing me.

I thought about their kiss for the whole day, wondering how their relationship worked, what it was like to date someone of the same gender as you. I was dating a boy at the time, my first boyfriend and the one that would create fear and an inability to trust for my entire high school career when he started abusing me. I wondered if this couple’s relationship could be anything like ours.

When I was 15 I joined Tumblr. I’d just moved from Michigan to Alabama, had my heart broken by my abusive boyfriend furthering the pain he was inflicting by cheating on me, and was just beginning to realize that I had an eating disorder with no idea how to feel about it or whether or not I wanted it to go away.Tumblr became a place for me to escape all this into “fandoms” and “fitblrs” and personal posts from strangers I didn’t know but whose lives intrigued me. It was on Tumblr that I first encountered the word “pansexual.” I was 16.

I was intrigued and slightly obsessed with the concept of it, pansexuality. I’d only just begun to learn about transgender and heard rumors of other genders outside of men and women, and being attracted to all of them or being “genderblind” seemed impossible, but incredible. I spent months randomly researching sexual orientation and transgender people before finally adopting the term as my own.

Though, it was only in my head that I claimed pansexuality as my own. I didn’t want to tell anyone… not because I was ashamed so much, I’d forgotten that stigma several years ago, but more because I was afraid that I only wanted to be pansexual, not that I actually was.

After all, if only ever been in relationships with boys at that point. How could I know if I was actually attracted to other genders if I’d never dated them?

When I was 17 I got my first crush on a girl. I didn’t recognize that that was my motive at the time, but I was constantly staring at her in the two classes we shared, payed special attention when she spoke, and the day she announced that she had a Tumblr I made it my goal to be a part of her life.

By winter we were best friends. By summer I’d begun to realize the extent of my feelings for her. The first time I got drunk at 19 I blurted out that I thought about making out with her all the time. I told her how I felt at 20, 3 years of pining later.

She told me she didn’t feel the same.

When I was 18 and in my first year of college, I binge watched all of Laci Green’s videos on YouTube, deciding that it was time I figured out how my body and how sex worked. Through her I found not only the courage to masturbate for the first time, but my first confrontation with “third genders.”

I obsessively studied nonbinary genders, claiming to just be interested in them, giving speeches and presentations on them for class, messaging nonbinary people to ask about their experiences. I came to accept that I identified with this term the summer of my sophomore year of college.

When I was 18 I also came out to my dad. I’d already come out to my close friends, sisters, and mother at this point– all giving me generally positive responses. This was not the case with my dad.

We were fighting in the kitchen, something that had become a regular thing since I’d started expressing my feminist and liberal beliefs. He was making homophobic comments and I guess I must of have been very clearly upset by this, because he asked, “do you have a problem with that?”

To which I responded, “Yeah, because I like girls, dad!”

My outburst led to two and a half years of him telling me that my identity was fake, a scheme to get attention, that all I believed was a result of my being brainwashed at college and my own self delusion. The full force my panic, bipolar disorder, and depression came out during this time. The first time I thought of killing myself was when he threatened to kick me out and cut me off from my sisters if I didn’t stop with this “feminazi LGBT bullshit.”

When I was 19 I started dating one of my best friend from high school– a boy, but pansexual like myself, I felt like this was the first queer relationship I’d been in.

He told me he didn’t want a monogamous relationship, that he identified as polyamorous– which I knew because this was one of the reasons his last relationships hadn’t worked out. Thinking I wouldn’t fall as desperately in love with him as I did, I agreed to an open relationship.

Two months into the relationship and much research and self reflection later, I’d come to accept that I was also polyamorous and I never wanted a monogamous relationship again.

When I was 20 a girl on Tumblr reblogged a set of selfies that I’d posted, exclaiming in the tags about how handsome I was. I took one look at her blog, saw the profile picture of her staring directly at the camera with intense blue eyes and an expression impossible to read, and immediately followed and messaged her my thanks.

We started messaging frequently, talking about such expansive and random things, things I’d never talked about with anyone. Soon we were messaging everyday and I began to realize how hard I was falling. I wanted her, I wanted her so badly.

I hadn’t had a crush on a girl that’d worked out in my favor and I was constantly pining for a girlfriend. I loved my boyfriend, I was still attracted to men and non-feminine genders, but I felt not only “too straight” to be queer at that point, but also like I was missing some sort of affection in my life that only a feminine partner could fill. And I was beginning to wonder if this girl was the person who could finally end my wanting.

The only problem with this girl was that she lived an ocean away from me, in Denmark to be specific. But my feelings became so strong that I couldn’t just be silent anymore: I told her I liked her.

She said she felt the same.

Today, March 2nd, 2017, Hayley Kiyoko released the music video for her single “Sleepover.” It wrecked me.

Hayley has become someone that I not only admire, but someone who makes me feel so validated in who I am. A mixed, Japanese American, queer girl in love with art and comfy clothing. Before Hayley, I’d never felt like there was anyone in the media who was even remotely like me. With great music and a connection I’d never felt in any other celebrity before, I became an avid fan. So naturally, when the video for “Sleepover” was released it only took me minutes to find it on YouTube and watch.

The music video was so much more than I could have anticipated, actualizing all my experiences as a queer feminine person, admiring from a far, living in my head with my fantasies and no hope of ever being able to experience them in reality. With this video I was thrown back into all the years I spent confused and afraid of how I felt and who I was, all the girls I wanted to be with but knew they couldn’t work out, or didn’t work out even when I tried. And as melancholy as these thoughts were at first, it pushed me to the realization:

I love who I’ve become. I love that I’m queer.

And despite how grueling the process of it all has been, I wouldn’t trade all that heartache for a normal life if I could. I wouldn’t give it all up to be the straight girl with no struggles or worries about who she loved as I once believed I would. Even with the pain that it had brought, becoming queer has made me the person I am today.

And I love that person, even if there are still rough edges to be smoothed, I am finally unafraid of who I am.

3

GUYS!! You leave me so many nice tags to read/ comments/ messages about our DnD characters and it makes us all so happy!! Glad you’re enjoying these little updates! We’re going to start a tumblr soon for our DnD art so I’ll be sure to post about it when it’s up!

1. Hugo wanted to investigate something and tried to convince Nimue to come with. She waited for him to make an argument but he literally just batted his eyes. Didn’t work.

2. Nim and Hugo were less tolerant than Maple and Pyrus to a certain magic in the air and it rendered them unconscious. Pyrus went back really fast to “prop them up nicely against the wall” before he and Maple explored further.

3. Pyrus was tea-wasted and looking to start trouble.

(Nimue belongs to @the-guardian-of-fun, Hugo belongs to @banannerbread, and Maple belongs to @wendydoodles ! )

An Apology

Hi.

In early March, a former friend, Klaus, who worked with me on videos for my channel, put a ‘callout post’ on Tumblr about me. The post contains logs of a conversation we had after he came out to me that another friend had made him feel unsafe in skype chats in late 2011.

I handled this very poorly. I encourage you to read the logs Klaus has posted. [EDIT: You can find the post here. I originally did not link to it, because I was worried people would dogpile him, but on reflection if I’m saying you should read them it’s a mistake not to make them available, and I do not want to hide what I wrote.]

I believe that there is a proper way to react when a person approaches you with a story like the one he came to me with. It is always important to be kind to people who trust you when they tell you they feel hurt. When this happened, I failed to do this. Because I knew the person he was talking about, and I had been there at the time for many of the conversations Klaus had been referring to, I immediately went about investigating whether or not the claim was true. My first real response to Klaus opening up to me about his fears was to tell him that I doubted him, and to question if he was sure he was remembering things properly.

This behaviour was wrong. I had the opportunity to respond with care and understanding and instead my first instinct was to try to ‘check the facts’. This is not a kind instinct, and it is not a good way of treating anyone, especially a friend.

I write from a position of privilege. I try my best to be a good person and see things from a worthwhile perspective, but when it comes down to it I am a straight white man living in a very secluded part of the UK where most people aren’t affected by the worst of the problems I often talk about. I try to criticise the exact perspective this can engender, but when this happened I didn’t even notice I was acting it out myself. I failed to be compassionate to a friend who was confiding in me. Even if everything Klaus had said had been untrue, it was still nothing short of cruel to respond the way I did.

I want to be a good ally and stand up for people who have been hurt, and I very clearly still have a lot to learn from others. I wish I hadn’t needed to learn this lesson at all in the first place. I know I have disappointed some people. I recently reached out to my audience, asking people who have problems with aspects of my work to get in touch and tell me what they feel I should do differently, and I want to reaffirm that I read all of the messages that are sent to me, and take them seriously. I lost a very good friend, someone who was and still is important to me, because I failed to live up to the principles I believe in, and I do not want that to hurt anyone like that again.

A couple of other members of the community have shared the callout post and their disappointment with what I wrote. I am heartened by this behaviour –it’s good that people in our little corner of the internet are willing to criticise people’s actions, especially when they otherwise agree with them or like their work or share their goals, and especially when that person is me. This is exactly the sort of community I want to be a part of, and I hope I can do right by it in my work.

I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, and how I dealt with Klaus’ feelings is a big one. I was a bad friend to someone who deserved to be treated better, and can never undo that – but I can, and will, do better in the future.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I can never apologise enough to Klaus. I don’t expect him to forgive me. His post relates that he shared this story because he wants me to do better in the future, and to grow as a person, and at the very least I hope it’s clear that I want to live up to his, and your, expectations for me.

I’ve been working on a little victuuri one-shot for a few days now. I’m gonna give you a sneak peek and you guys can tell me if you’d actually like to see it. (I’d probably just post it here on tumblr,)

He doesn’t want to go in the first place. He likes his dorm room; enjoys how quiet it is. He doesn’t care about his classmates relationship status, and he doesn’t need to flaunt that he’s single. That’s all these college frat house parties are for - pronouncing you’re single so you can find easy hookups.

So when Phichit begs Yuuri to join him at the stoplight party they’ve been invited to, Yuuri tries to get out of it. Of course a frat house is holding a traditional stoplight party. It’s beyond cliche.

Maybe it was because it was cold and his body was super close to mine. Maybe it was because he looked really nice in a leather jacket. Maybe it was because his eyes looked impossibly blue in a photo I took of him. It could’ve been because of the time he helped me undo my braids. Or maybe because of the times where I made him laugh. Oh, or maybe that one time, when he came off stage, and just came directly over to me with a smile no one gets to see very often on his face. Or the times when we lock eyes and everything around us just blurs into the background (those are my favorite.)
I don’t know what it is exactly that makes my body crave his eyes on me at all times. Or how long I’ve actually been into him long before every nerve ending in my body fires in rapid succession when his shoulder bumps into mine.
I don’t know how to explain my feelings for him…I don’t think I even want to.
—  WHAT CAN’T BE SENT THROUGH A TEXT // k.m.

LOVE

Summary: You connect falling in love with Logan to certain colors.

Ship: Logan x Reader

Song Inspiration: Love by Lana Del Rey

Word Count: 1,575 words.

Tags: i had so much fun writing this honestly, its so cute, well to me, romance, fluff, i think this is fLUff????,

Last Words: best song in the world please listen while you read, IT’LL MAKE THE STORY HIT YOU LIKE A TON OF BRICKS EVEN MORE

Special Tag: since this is my first post on tumblr & i love Logan I’m gonna tag some of my favorite writers :-) @theamazingworldoffandomfics @crossbns  @mellifluous-melodramas @geeks-universe 

Keep reading

Not Over You pt. 1

Prompt: “I was getting over you, why did you have to come back?” or it’s been a year since you and Steve broke up. He’s moved on, you haven’t.

Pairings: Steve Rogers x Reader

Word Count: 1,414

Warnings: angst

A/N: this is the first fic i’ve posted on tumblr. please leave comments! let me know if you want to be tagged in the coming parts. i’m actually really into this story and seeing where it’ll go.

————

A Year. That’s all it had been. And your insides still ached when you heard his name, when you saw an article about him, or his face on the news. You supposed that was the problem with dating someone so high profile. The newspaper on the stand in the corner was an example of that. There he was, the front page. You silently cursed the writer. Why as it always the front page? You knew though. He was nothing short of front page material. Not with his strong jaw, his blue eyes, and his chiseled muscles…

Keep reading

Mark Imagine - Secret

A/N - So it’s been a couple of days since the last upload, sorry! As I’ve said before, exam revision is getting the best of me so I’ve not been able to dedicate as much time to writing. Just be patient guys and I’ll try and post as much as I can~

Errr, I’m not very good at using Tumblr, but I hope I’m doing this right… Uh, could I request a Mark imagine where the reader and him have been dating for a little bit, and he wants to tell all the fans, but they’re both kind of anxious…I don’t really care where it goes from there. x3 Thanks! :P 

“Hey, (Y/N)?”
“Yes, Mark?”
“I’ve been thinking about things recently, and I want to tell the fans about you. Us.” A million thoughts rushed through your mind. You’d been dating Mark for around three months now and the both of you were extremely happy in your relationship. Ever since the first date, you knew you had fallen for him hard and now three months in, you still felt those same butterfly feelings in your stomach whenever he smiled at you. Telling the fans about your relationship was something you knew would be inevitable, especially since Mark had wanted to be open about your relationship with the other members, not wanting to be secretive around them. A part of you wanted the same for the fans, so that they could see just how happy Mark was but another part of you was scared and you couldn’t deny it. Your relationship with Mark was one of the biggest secrets you had kept to the people outside of your closest friends and family. Mark was no doubt just as worried as you but had always seemed much more relaxed, especially now.

You looked at him nervously, not even bothering to hide how anxious you were to go public with your relationship. He held your hand soothingly, gently running a finger over the soft skin. His smile was reassuring and kind. 
“I get that you’re nervous, I am too. But I really think they will like you just as much as I do. It’s all up to you though, if you want to wait then I’m fine with that.”
“No, I’m ready to tell them. They have a right to know about us. But how will we tell them?”
“I spoke to one of our manager’s and she said it’d be too formal if it was through some news article or whatever and that we should just do something more personal before the company officially confirms it.”
“Okay, when do we tell them then?”
“Whenever we want. It’s up to you. I’d like to do it through V App though if that’s okay with you.”
“Well how about we tell them now? Let them know about our little secret.”
“Let’s do it,” you replied, grinning at the thought of finally being able to tell the world about your love for Mark.

He got out his phone and signed into the group’s V App account that allowed them to broadcast live. You both took a deep breath as he clicked the button to start broadcasting. Mark waited for a few people to start watching before he began talking. You weren’t on camera yet, waiting for him to share the news and invite you on screen. 
“Hey guys, I’ve not got much to say right now but there’s something I want to tell you guys,” he explained, translating the message for the non-Korean speaking fans watching so they wouldn’t have to wait for subtitles after he had finished broadcasting. 
“It’s pretty important and I’ve been wanting to share this with you for a little while now. I hope you’ll all continue to support me after this and show a lot of love.” He gestured for you to move closer so that the fans could see you. 
“This is (Y/N). We’ve been in a relationship for a few months and I care about (Y/N) a lot so please give us your love and support.”
“Hi everyone, I’m (Y/N). And don’t worry, I’m not stealing Mark from you at all,” you added giggling as you saw a lot of positive comments flooding in. Everyone was saying how cute you looked together and how attractive you were. Any rude comments were completely overrun by positivity and it fulled you with complete and utter joy to see the support for your’s and Mark’s relationship.

I can't be friends either (Liam Dunbar)

 https://radwriting.tumblr.com/post/160743403682/i-cant-be-friends-liam-dunbartheo-raeken PART ONE

“I can’t be friends because I want to be so much more than that.”

I couldn’t stop thinking about what he said. Liam had admitted he loved me and what did I do? I panicked and ran. I had been avoiding Liam trying to wrap my head around what was happening. Did I love Liam? I know I cared about him a lot. I was only sixteen, I didn’t even know what love really meant yet. The boys had lacrosse practice today. I had to go because Stiles was my brother and also my ride home. I sucked in a sharp breath knowing Liam would be there and I would have to face him eventually.

“why do you reek of anxiety?” I heard a voice say from behind me.

Originally posted by holyhalehottness

Brett Talbot stood behind me in all of his arrogant glory.

“why are you here again?” I sassed back.

“coach asked me see how good you guys are this year, maybe we can beat you.” He said smirking and throwing an arm around my shoulder.

I quickly shrugged him off.

“you know normally Talbot I’d have the patience for your stupidity but not today.”

Brett laughed rolling his eyes.

“let me guess relationship drama?”

“I’m not in a relationship Brett.” I said looking down at my shoes.

“really? I thought you and Dunbar seemed pretty cozy together.” Brett said shrugging his shoulders.

“well we aren’t!” I snapped maybe a little too harshly.

“dang girl chill i’m sorry my mistake.” He said raising his hands defensively.

“he uh told me he loved me.”

I had no idea why I was telling Brett Talbot of all people my problems.

“don’t you love him back?” Brett asked suddenly sounding like a concerned friend.

“I don’t know.” I said dramatically throwing my head back.

We walked up the bleachers and sat down. I saw Liam coming out from the locker room dragging behind Scott and Stiles. He looked up meeting my eyes. He saw Brett sitting with me and immediately looked away.

Originally posted by lilbetapupliam

 I could see the hurt in his eyes and it killed me knowing I was causing it.

“well this is awkward. Hey Brett.” Mason said taking the other seat beside me.

“Brett invited himself to sit here.” I said looking back down to Liam, but he wouldn’t look at me.

I guess I don’t blame him. The more I thought about it, I realized I did like Liam in that way but I was scared. scared to love him and be hurt, scared to lose him, scared that he’d get tired of me after a while, just scared.

“earth to y/n!” Brett screamed in my ear.

“what!” I hissed back at him.

“somebody is flirting with your boy.” Brett said pointing down to the field.

I looked down seeing Hayden Romero. She had been giving Liam looks since she transferred here. She was beautiful and she played sports. She would be a better fit for Liam than me.

Originally posted by vengefuldarling

“okay Brett that doesn’t mean anything.” I said rolling my eyes.

“sure looks like something to me, and hey on the plus side if you don’t like him he can always go for Hayden.” Brett said with a look that I wanted to smack right off his pretty boy face.

“you know what I don’t have time for this today.” I huffed skipping down the bleachers.

I walked in to the school sitting down in front of my locker. What was I feeling right now? Was it jealousy? I heard a thump coming from down the hall interrupting my thoughts. I walked down slowly taking a look at my surroundings. When you’ve been dealing with the supernatural you can never be too cautious. It was just Tracy Stewart standing at her locker. I noticed she was breathing heavily.

“tracy? are you okay?” I asked getting closer to her.

She turned around her eyes changing color and blood covering her face.

Originally posted by teenwolf

“I guess not.” I said slowly backing away from her.

Tracy growled before totally morphing into a kanima. I started sprinting down the hall but it didn’t really matter. Tracy climbed the lockers and was running beside me. She jumped off blocking my path causing me to run into her. I fell backwards hitting my head off the floor. I could feel blood trickle from where I hit my head. Tracy leaned close to me raising her claws. I could see the venom dripping. I grabbed her arm trying to fight her off. She was about to swipe her claws at me when I heard a roar. Tracy was tackled off of me by Brett and Liam.

“guys don’t let her scratch you!” I screamed looking at the boys struggling with the kanima girl.

“why?” Brett screamed back.

Suddenly Tracy scratched Liam causing him to go down paralyzed.

“That’s why.” I said trying to get up.

I stumbled unsteady. Brett was struggling with Tracy. Tracy was about to scratch Brett when Scott came in roaring his alpha roar. Tracy stopped, looking at Scott before running off. I managed to get up and stumbled my way over to Liam.

“what is this? what happened? why can’t I move?” Liam said freaking out.

“hey it’s okay you’ll be fine in a few hours it’s kanima venom it paralyzes people.” I said running my hand through his hair, not that he felt it anyways.

Brett and Scott picked Liam up setting him in Stiles jeep.

“it was Tracy Stewart.” I told Scott looking at Liam’s handsome face.

“alright Brett and I are going to try and find Tracy, you stay here with Liam.” Scott said running off with Brett.

There was an awkward silence. I felt something drip on my shoulder. I realized I was still bleeding from where I hit my head.

“hey you should sit down.” Liam said noticing as well. 

I crawled in the back seat beside him.

“grab my hand, let me try to heal you.” Liam said looking at me with worried eyes.

“you need to focus on healing yourself, don’t worry about me Liam.” I said giving him a small smile.

“I can’t not worry about you, in fact that’s all I do. when you left practice I got worried. Why did you leave by the way?”

I was hoping he wouldn’t ask. Should I tell him that I was jealous? I could just lie and tell him that Brett was annoying me, which wasn’t totally a lie. I didn’t realize I had been quiet for a little until Liam spoke again.

“what’s wrong y/n? you can tell me.”

“I guess I might have a been a little jealous of Hayden flirting with you.” I sighed deciding to tell him the truth.

“why would you be jealous?” Liam said laughing a little bit.

“I guess I can’t be friends either.” I said looking him in the eyes and smiling.

He was smiling widely at this point.

“I swear as soon as I can move i’m going to give you the biggest hug.” Liam said laughing.

“tell me can you feel this?”

I leaned in and placed my lips on his. There was explosions as soon as my lips touched his. He kissed me back as if his life depended on it.

Originally posted by foreverupsidedowninsideout

I pulled away out of breathe.

“well I guess we aren’t friends anymore.” Liam said resting his forehead against mine.

“good because I want to be so much more than that.” I said kissing him again.

Currently taking requests for imagines!

You asked me, “Do you only want to be more than friends with me?”
I didn’t know how to answer, but I have your answer now.
Of course.
Of course I want to be more than friends with you.
I want to be the person that makes you happy.
No one loves my insecurities more than you do.
You make me feel safe and secure and I want to make you feel the same way.
After everything you put me through every single day and how much you hurt me, it’s so sad that I’m still the one calling you to apologize for one or two things I did to you.
I asked you to compare me to him, you said you like him a lot especially because he hasn’t hurt you.
That was a horrible answer.
You can’t compare me to someone that hasn’t hurt you, because it’s inevitable that it will happen one day!
So what happens when he finally hurts you?
Are you going to like us “equally” then?
It’s just so sad that I’m willing to forgive and forget everything you and I went through to try to make things work out for us and I don’t see you trying with me.
You broke my heart and took a piece of it with you when you left me.
You hurt me. You lied to me. You lead me on. And even though we didn’t have a label, it still felt like you were cheating on me.
When you told me what you liked about him over me, and you said “He’s a genuinely good person and he hasn’t hurt me,” I lost my mind.
I lost all hope for you and I.
You don’t care about me anymore.
You don’t want to fix things between you and I.
You don’t love me anymore.
I guess it’s finally over between us.
Even as friends.

4

“We should get out of here,” I tell him before I can stop myself.

His eyes widen and he quirks an eyebrow at me, “Are you suggesting we leave together?”

“I’m suggesting we should do something instead of sitting here, talking about how much we hate people who are in love,” I tell him in one breath. With the reminder that I will most probably not remember what happens tonight, I put down my empty glass and says, “So, Harry, do you want to do something crazy?”

the fake marriage (or is it really fake) au, read on tumblr

2

@loonyburg my hand slipped

Seriously this was gonna be a traditionally sketched shitpost as a parody of this and every other boombox scene ever and then i put too much effort into it WHOOPS.

I can’t decide whether he’s playing a rock song that he knows she’ll hate, or playing a pop song he hates but knows she loves, and especially with that face he’s making I don’t know which would be better.

I didn’t realize that Julian was going to be so hecking difficult to draw. He was not only difficult to draw, but the way I wanted him to be drawn actually got me used to digital drawing again, so that’s nice!

If you haven’t already, I would recommend playing The Arcana. Although it’s not even five chapters long, the art is utterly beautiful and the storyline is so fascinating. I can’t wait for the next chapter to come out!

⚠Beware! Hug Stiles Stilinski you’ll be dead in the hands of Derek Hale. 🐺💢

 Inspired from an old conversation between me and my friend when we were at the convention years back. He wanted to print a free hug shirt since it was popular(and it still is until now) and I sarcastically told him “If you print one then I’ll have mine saying ‘Hug him and die’ at the back while standing next to you.” He finds it so hilarious he actually liked the idea and was about to print it too just for me. Thankfully I stopped him. 😅 Thanks to that memory it lead to this. Ahahahahha!!!! 

Posting it in DA and tumblr

Posted in my Instagram.

-Kai

Forever | 1: The Beginning of the End

Summary: You and Sebastian Stan became best friends years ago, on the set of the first Captain America movie, and you couldn’t be happier that you had found someone just as witty and caring as you - but will feelings wiggle their way in and get in between your friendship and happiness?

Word Count: 789

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Reader

Warnings: (Throughout) Language

Characters (in order of appearance): Reader, Sebastian Stan

A/N: I started writing this in 2015, and it was v popular on wattpad so I thought, why not make it accessible to my pals on tumblr? pls bare with me as I post the next 12 chapters, and please, as always, let me know what you think!! I love hearing from y’all :)

Keep reading

My opinion on Saezuru ch. 25

My opinin on Saezuru tori wa habatakanai ch. 25

I decided that I’ll get all my emotions out when the trasnlated version is released :) Yes I’m a little bit late, I thought of not writting it…but still I wanted to share excitment with everyone else (I have read a lot of reviews and great theories :D –> mine will not be anything special).

For the beginning I need to say that I REALLY DIDN’T EXPECT ANYTHING THAT HAPPENED IN THE LAST CHAPTER. My sloppy prediction was that yashiro would break down in the middle of ti and doumeki would then stop and would let yashiro talk (that kind of development..with deep talk and tears involved ( I got the tears though)). So I was actually really startled at the very beginning and truthfully didn’t know what to think…because my emotions were overflowing…I couldn’t decide what to feel and what would have been more appropriate ( I was so excited to see them having their first step into more deep relationship but couldn’t decide if sex was the right answer) à With the translation I can trutfully say that I love the way it was portraied…I don’t consider it RAPE as some people said … we have proparly presented rape in this manga ( yashiro getting raped by his stepfather, doumeki’s sister too) and that wasn’t either of those. But I would like to say that I LOVED that the fandom properly discussed the act of rape after the chapter 24.
So to continue I saw Yashiro in totally different light and it made me think…WHO’S THE REAL YASHIRO…is he always wearing a mask?? Does he even recognizes it himself?
Confession: When I started reading saezuru and have read a half of it I didn’t like Yashiro…or more like..DIDN’T UNDERSTAND him…I was filled with questions: What is his problem? Why he doesn’t talk about his trauma? He even portrait it as something that didn’t efect him much but it’s something that happened in his past..Why he likes painful sex? Why he doesn’t bother with whom he’s doing it?  WHY? WHY? WHY? (My mind at that time not trying to understand….I still can’t believe that if I wouldn’t create my account on tumblr I wouldn’t find my special love for saezuru!!!)
Then I discovered Tumblr and discovered @domeyashiro and other blogs which gave me second opportunity to open my heart to saezuru and I was filled with their theories and posts and just wanted more…I discovered this manga is  holding such a deep meaning and interesting story about a twisted person with a trauma, but he’s too emotionally closed to heal it himself…he needs someone for him to open up to him (which is Doumeki).
That light that enlightened Yashiro wasn’t how much he wanted Doumeki emotionally…What really touched my heart was the scene when yashiro said : You don’t have to stare so hard…That broke my heart…because at that moment the gangbang scene pooped in my head…because if I remeber correctly he didn’t care at all how misumi looked at him…or any of the »participants«…or how he looked at that moment (to be embarassed about). Or when he forced doumeki to watch him at the beginning of the story. 

Even the kiss was probably quite a big deal to yashiro I believe. He was so embarassed that he requested or more like order doumeki to do him from behind.  
The other thing that touched me was when yashiro initiated the kiss at the beginning of the third time…When did yashiro even kiss his sex partner or looked at him closely….or looked at him with the eyes filled with ecstasy??

 
The last third of them having sex was totally beauriful for me. It was as every third of the sex has diffferent meaning…the first one was like they are discovering something new with each other..especially yashiro…he then become so scared and embarassed he needed to »hide« his face..but the last time he became quite comftarble (not completely of course), he felt doumeki so much and he was confident enought to gave him orders(to hurt him more), and doumeki refusing him and then the most beautiful time in the chapter…KISS ON THE FOREHAD AND »BOSS, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL « :“’( literally broke 

my heart into little pieces..

And then the emotional roller coaster…I will be true with you..I was always hoping for yashiro let him emotion out and cry (the scene when he was sitting alone in his apartment crying hurts me so much even now)..but I thought it would be with Doumeki emotional confort and support…but I still liked it …at the end of the read he needs to face it alone and beat it!!! And surpass it!! 


What we can expect from the next chapter?? I DON’T KNOW A THING…and this time I’ll let it flow..I’m no good with the predictions on saezuru, so I’ll just enjoy the last three chapters trilogy …I recommend you join me :D

Yaaaaay I finish it


This is color from PJ’s daycare (I think , I just want to draw baby ) , he is 6 years old (cause he have 6 human souls why wouldn’t he be 6 years old )


He’s personality is the same as the original color!sans , if you want to know his personality go here –> http://superyoumna.tumblr.com/post/161248271011/im-curious-about-something-is-colorsans


Color!sans by @superyoumna if you want to add more information about him it’s okay with me .


Pj’s daycare by @blogthegreatrouge

I first found out I was ace around the time I was 17 years old.
I was dating this boy beforehand, and while there wasnt necessarily anything wrong with him, he wanted to have sex with me.
But for yet unexplained reasons, I always winded up being repulsed by it, the very idea just made me uncomfortable, yet I didnt understand why.
He started to suspect I didnt want to have sex because I didnt love him.
But I couldnt really defend myself around it, so he broke up with me about it.

I felt so confused and broken for a while because I just couldnt understand how I could be so repulsed by it.

Then I came across the term Asexual on tumblr.
I remember reading a post about it and being like heyyy, wait a sec….
I winded up reading ALL about it, reading about other people their experiences, and feeling so happy and relieved because I finally managed to understand there is nothing wrong with me, and that my feelings regarding sex are valid.

I came out to my closests friends first, and their reaction was literally like: well duh…obviously. :3
I even came out to my ex about it, he at least is glad the fact I was repulsed by sex wasnt his fault XD

few years later, while reading more about it
, I started to question my romantic orientation aswell, because while a relationship isnt something im anticipating, im open minded about it, whoever it may be, guys, girls, trans, non-binary..
But not necessary that I would fawn over a person that much,
Which is basically how I decided to label myself as aromantic aswell.

Ive never been, and never will be attracted to anyone, but I can still find high value in friendships.
And honestly, I"m totally okay with the way I am.

Aromantic is when you don’t experience romantic attraction (romantic attraction is “oh I’m so lovey dovey about you” although they can still date and have sex.)

Asexual is when you don’t experience sexual attraction (sexual attraction is ”gosh dang it I need your body specifically.” They can still want sex, they just don’t experience their body saying that about a person) (I’m aro ace so idk what attractions are like so correct me if I’m wrong please-also SOMEONE EXPLAIN TO ME THIS I DON’T UNDERSTAND ATTRACTION.)  Someone can be both asexual and aromatic (hello), but in this case, Logic is Aromantic and asexual while Morality is just Asexual.

there is no point to this fic, it’s basically just word vomit. it was just an outlet before I created You are loved (and this was how it was supost to be before some writers *glarings at @stary-puppy @analogically-prinxiety @sanders-sideblog and @prinxietyhell * encouraged me to make it agnsty.

thanks to @sanders-sideblog for the help!
@starrykid @prinxietyhell @doctorwho @doctorshufflepuff @dan-yuna

puns taken from Tumblr posts (one from arodorable) I don’t remember who made most of them but they were on Tumblr when I saw them.

trigger warnings: mentions of wanting kids and being told they cant because they’re asexual, they mentions of sex, but its not explicit

.
.

“But you always talk about how much you love everybody! How could you not have had someone you’ve wanted sex with?”  Prince asked him too shocked. Morality flinched. He had heard all sorts of stuff about this, “Impossible! That doesn’t happen!” “Come on! A guy like you must have at least one action in your lifetime!” “Yeah right!” But it didn’t make it any less uncomfortable to talk about.
“You literally embody all of Thomas’s extreme emotions, how could you not have at least felt one tiny attraction??”  Prince asked.
Morality hesitated, not sure how to answer Princys questions. He always thought it was fake, or forgot it existed but he always found out that it was a real thing and it always confused him.

“I don’t know.” Morality said meekly, “m-maybe I just- I don’t know.” He didn’t want to talk about it anymore. Prince could sense this so he spoke up;
“Don’t worry you’ll find your prince, princess or non-binary royalty someday!” Prince gave Morality a hug and walked away. Morality felt uncomfortable, he had never had that feeling towards anyone before and he didn’t think he ever will. Did people really have that feeling all the time? he wasn’t sure how to react.
He decided to go to Logan, He needed someone who understood, and some company. Anxiety was sleeping-which was something he rarely did so he didn’t want to wake the emo side.

Walking to Logic’s room he thought about the conversation he had with Prince. He couldn’t remember a time when he had any sexual attraction, he always thought everyone was exaggerating or thought they were just pretending so they could relate to their older siblings. He always nodded along with the others when they talked about it since he didn’t want to be left behind, but it always felt weird to talk about “how hot someone was.” He always thought it meant beautiful until Logan corrected him (which was shocking to everyone, but he understood sexual terms very well-well, at least most of the terms.) Reaching Logic’s door, which was already open, he could see papers sprawled across the desk he sat at.

“Logan-” Morality spoke up.

“What is it now!” Logic snapped. Morality jumped back, biting his lips. He didn’t realize he had tears in his eyes until Logic turned to him and panicked.

“Oh crap-uh I don’t- how do I comfort-?” Logan stood up and walked to his crying friend, reaching an arm out to hug them awkwardly. Morality laughed at the awkward hug.

“I’m glad you find my pain funny.” Logan answered. Morality suddenly felt bad, but calmed down once he saw Logic was smiling.

Logan was glad he could cheer Morality up, but he had no idea what to do now. Morality was the one that was good at these things, or even Anxiety. Anxiety must be sleeping if Morality wasn’t going to them.

“Do you want to talk about it or?” Logan was hesitant to offer anything, but he read somewhere that you should let them speak and let them know you were open to listening. Morality sniffled wiping his nose on his wrist before answering;
“Will I ever be loved?”
Logan grabbed a tissue when he saw Morality wipe his nose, and was suddenly confused and shocked. Why would Morality even think that!?
“What are you talking about? Thomas loves you, Anxiety and Prince loves you, I -”

“No, not that kind of love but- uh romantic love.” Morality was feeling childish and small right now. Logan was confused before he remembered there was a thing called romantic attraction.

“Oh.” Logan said.

“I’m sorry, but its just-everyone is bothering me about my asexuality ever since I said I haven’t felt that way towards someone, and everyone is freaking out about it. Anxiety asked me a couple questions, which to be honest was uncomfortable, but better than the other’s questions, but they all had some form of “you’re lying” or “but you said you wanted to have sex and then you don’t?” and stuff like that. I mean- it’s confusing enough they don’t have to add to it. It fine if they’re trying to understand-that I don’t mind, but when they keep pestering me about it it gets… annoying and … hurtful?” Morality didn’t know how to describe it.

“I get it. Not everybody knows I’m Aromantic, but I’ve had plenty of people ask me about crushes and make up delusions about how I’m lying or whatever it is. Truth is, they can’t understand and that sucks. All we can do is try to educate them on this matter and hope for the best.”

“How do you handle their questions?” Morality asked

“Well for one, I usually just answer them honestly and listen to what they have to say. Usually everyone thinks I’m an emotionless robot so they aren’t surprised, but sometimes, like Princey for example, he would get confused and pester me until he gives up.”

“That sounds awful!” Morality was shocked by how the others had reacted. He didn’t know that they had thought him to be an emotionless robot!

“It’s all good. It’s better than the “that doesn’t exist!” or “You’re just seeking attention”-which is ridiculous since they didn’t know I was aroace until they asked about crushes-but hey, I can’t understand how allosexuals think. Although, it’s always fun to think up a good comeback for when they say stuff like that again.”

“Yeah, it sucks.” Morality agreed.

“It does indeed, and when they find out you can have sex and feel honey they get confused or even offended. Like, sheesh, I don’t make the rules, it just happens but perhaps one day they’ll understand, or at least stop pestering us about it.”
“It’s just-” Morality hesitated. He wanted talk about it but he wasn’t sure Logan would understand.

“What if I can’t find someone who respects my boundaries?” He asked. Logan frowned.

“Why do you ask?” Logan asked,

“Well,” Morality hesitated, “it’s just that, if everybody I talk to about it thinks I’m faking, there’s a high chance my partner is going to think I’m faking too. I just- what if I fall for someone and they don’t accept it? What if they want sex, but I don’t?” Morality felt uncomfortable. Normally he didn’t go to someone about his problems, but it was overwhelming him right now.

“Morality, being aromantic and all, I don’t experience this “falling I love” you’re referring to, but there are plenty of ways to fall in love. You could fall in love with the trees, the birds, the bees, whatever basically. You still have time. Even if you never end up wanting to do that with someone its okay. They will respect your boundaries. You deserve it. And if they don’t then, Thomas, Prince, Anxiety and I will Hunt them down and make sure that they are aware that we are not to be messed with.”

This made Morality crack a smile. Logan had a thought.

“Come on let’s lie down for a bit. I want to watch the constellation in my room change again.”

Morality beamed. At certain time of the day Logan’s room-well ceiling to be exact- would change colors and stars so that you could see the different constellations, and galaxies. Sometimes when morality was younger Logan would bring him in here and just try to explain the stories behind each of the constellation. Morality didn’t get it of course but he enjoyed the company and watching the stars change. It wasn’t in real time, but it was held from memories Logan had of seeing pictures or memorizing the star’s positions. Even though he could not name most of them; They were beautiful.

They were lying on Logan’s bed, feet touching the ground, because they were laying on the sides of the bed, staring at the ceiling, just starting to talk about things allosexuals would say to them. How frustrating it was to not be understood. How upsetting it was when they thought people told them they were aro or ace because they were emotionless, or too emotional.

They talked about how they felt and who they thought they would date or have sex with if they wanted. (Logic wasn’t interested in dating anyone but he would totally have sex the guy from biology, while Morality thought the smiling person in Thomas’s class the day before was adorable and someone he could see himself kissing one day.) Then Logan started talked about how confusing it was for him when he first noticed he was aromantic and asexual.

“I don’t know I just-everyone was starting to feel things and at first I thought that they were just exaggerated for effect, but then, it just grew for you guys while I stayed the same? I’m not sure, I never understood the concept of love outside of friendship. I literally cannot see myself in love with anyone. I might love someone, but never in that way. Oh, and every time someone asked me if I had a crush I would have no idea how to answer because I’ve never had a crush! However, if I told them that they thought I was just faking so I was frustrated and confused. I did a lot of research and at first I thought I had some form of disorder where I couldn’t feel emotions, but I felt pain and everything else that people felt, just not-that one feeling.”

“that’s kind of how it felt for me, except it was just recently when I realized that sexual attraction was completely different from romantic attraction and it all just sudden made sense!”

they stared in silence for a second before Logan interrupted.

“I’m surprised.” Logic said.

“By what?” Morality asked
“It’s been almost an hour and a half… and you haven’t made one pun about being asexual or aromatic.”

“Well I knew you would be more of a fighter than a lover if I did that!” morality gave him a cheeky grin. Logan stared at him, realizing something.

“…how long have you attempted these puns without me knowing?”

Morality pretended to look at his watch (his wrist was bare he had no watch)

“About an hour and a half, I believe.”
Logan groaned.

“How come I never get your jokes?”

“They’re not very straight, just like us.”

“Huh? That makes no sense!” Logan turned his head to face his friend.

“Allosexuals make no sense!” Morality laughed. This time logan rolled his eyes and smiled at the joke.

“Very funny Morality.”
“I have more.” He cleared his throat before continuing, “you’re as straight as an aro.”

“I don’t get it, I’m aro- oh I get it, but you go one thing wrong morality! I’m not straight!” Logan argued as Morality laughed.
Moralitys laugher died down a bit. It went silent again until Morality sighed.

“I don’t know how to be a romantic at all. I need someone to teach me.”

“Hey, don’t ask me I’m aromantic, not a romantic.” Logan said. Morality sat confused until his eyes widened and he sat up.
“Aww! You just made a dad joke!”

“It’s a play on words, but it’s my favorite.”

“Another one Logan! You’re on a roll!”

Logan sighed, he had only made two puns but he continued.

“What do you call a group of aromantic people sitting next to each other?” he paused before saying “a row.”
Morality laughed and made a few more aro jokes that earned a smile from Logan.
Now they were talking about people who said they couldn’t experience one attraction without the other.

“What about when people ask when you find someone cute?”

“I think animals are cute, but that doesn’t mean I want to date them.” Logan pointed out.
Morality laughed.
“I’m not sure why that made you laugh but anyways; asexual people can still experience romantic attraction and date or even have sex if they want; Aromantic people can experience sexual attraction and have sex or even want to date!”
“Yeah but-I don’t know. It’s just… sometimes I do think I will want to have sex with my partner, but what if I end up not wanting to do that? What if I just want to… be with them without sex.” Morality didn’t know what to say, it sounded like Logan had accepted his own Aro/Ace identity with no problem. Morality wasn’t even sure if he was asexual. He was definitely not aromantic. None of this made sense to him.

“It’s okay if you don’t get it now. You’ll get it someday. Even then, you don’t need a label to allow yourself to feel however your feeling.”

Morality was tired of hearing that, but at the same time he knew it was true. Why couldn’t he just accept he didn’t know and move on?

“I know, but I’ve never experienced this sexual attraction feeling before and it bothers me so much. Do you ever wonder what its like?”

“Well to be honest, not often. I do wonder how it could be great, because from all the stories about loving this person but not their partner confuses me. Besides think of it this way, You’re not distracted so much by how attraction you have towards this one person-”

“Uh, maybe not but I will always worry that my partner will always want sex when I least want it and-and then I worry about mentioning how much I don’t want to try it or worry about how they will react to me not wanting it even when I want kids, or how much they’ll hate me after I tell them so I’ll have to-”

“Whoa Morality- is someone pressuring you?” Logan was confused and worried. Morality had too much emotions for one person sometimes and he needed a break from it all, but he had never seen Morality this upset. Maybe they’d have to wake up Anxiety for this after all.

“No no no no! I’m not even dating anyone yet! I’m just- I’ve heard so many different stories and I don’t know how to react, and if everyone around me acts like I’m some sort of werido about not wanting sex or experiencing the attraction, then how will they react if they were my partner?”

“I’m pretty sure that’s not why they think you’re a weirdo, but just know this, You don’t have to do anything you are not comfortable doing.”

“yeah, but it doesn’t feel like it sometimes.”

“if anyone pressures you to do something you’re uncomfortable with let me know and I will annihilate them with my secret weapon.” Logan joked. It was an inside joke they had since they were kids, but they rarely used it. Morality smiled a little, but it wasn’t a smile. He just smiled because Logan was trying to cheer him up though it wasn’t working. Logan knew if he had faked a smile while they were already talking about other struggles it meant either he didn’t want to talk about it, or he wasn’t ready to talk about it.

Logan thought for a minute before deciding to move so he was properly on his bed. Morality frowned and moved so that Logan’s feet wouldn’t meet Morality’s head,
“Come here.” Logan said laying down on his bed with his head at the head rest. Morality looked very confused.

“I promise I wont do anything you don’t want me to, just come here for a second.”

Morality hesitated but went to the edge of the bed. Logan grabbed morality and pulled him towards the bed. Morality laid down besides him and snuggled up closer.

“Is this comfortable?” Logic asked.

“Yeah.”

“This is all some people want. For some people this is more pleasant than cake-” (morality gasped at that,) “I’m asexual too morality I know about the symbolism of cake, and how hurtful it is to consider something better than cake -” (logic rolled his eyes as he said that,) “-now shush, I’m trying to comfort you. Now look, in your entire life have you ever made anyone uncomfortable?”

“Well there was that one time when I wouldn’t stop annoying Anxiety about that time he-”

“I’m not talking about teasing them, I’m talking about make them so uncomfortable they don’t feel safe enough to be around you.”
“well-no-but.”
“why not?”
“because that’s just wrong!”

“exactly! Your partner will know that this is wrong. If your partner really loves you, they will do anything they can to make you comfortable and feel secure. Yes they might tease you, and yes they might make you upset or angry, but as long as they don’t make you feel unsafe or insecure then you have nothing to worry about.”
Morality snuggled up to Logic it was nice just talking to him,  but it was better knowing that Logic was trying to comfort him.

“I just want to hear about the stars right now.”

Logan lit up and brought his attention to his ceiling.

“Sure! So you see that star right there? Yeah that star is called the Pistole star and is the most luminosities star that we know of! It is ten million times brighter than the sun isn’t that neat! Oh and when the stars are twinkling its because of just our wafting atmosphere…” Logic continued to pull out random facts about stars while Morality listened. It was nice just to be here with his friend.  
At least he wouldn’t have to worry about Logan leaving him.