Did I ever told you about how I hated the ingame hair for the Qunari? Well, I decided to redraw my Adaar with better hair and jewels, because why not? Dreads and braids ftw!
Ileana & Amaarok. The first is a Tevinter slave who encountered the Inquisition when she tried to assassinate Dorian (you know how he is loved in Tevinter). She is broody and cold but hides a real pain inside her due to every abuses she received from her master who saw her as an animal. When the Inquisition captured her, she agreed to fight for them to gain her freedom. The second is a Qunari and a Saarebas that escaped his Darvaarad when their dreadnaught exploded. He suceeded in keeping is spirit sharp without being noticed by making low profile his entire life. But he is incredibly smart and intelligent, and a real follower of Koslun… except he thinks that the Qunari are doing everything wrong with it.
Imagine how their mental breakdown would be [Part 2]
Taking a deep breath, he suceeded to keep his composure despite the situation.
“I will ask again demon, where are my friends?”
Again, his question gained the same answer: Silence. It was difficult for his nerves, he was really worried for them. He needed to be next to them, to protect them and right now, he couldn’t.
“What do you want from me? _ Why would I want something from you Prince Seiker?”
At least, he had an answer. He decided to continu the conversation:
“Why are you keeping me here? Don’t you want to fight me?”
Despite his naive look, Chung was a sharp person and his way of dealing with this situation was making the demon unconfortable.
“Is this how you solve all of your problem dear prince? By fighting? _ I rather have a conversation. But your kind don’t seem to like this way.”
His mind was as solid as the steel from his armor. It was rare, the voice expected to see Chung panicked or angry. But in this type of situation, he was thinking rationnaly, keeping his composure.
A moment of silence, then the voice came back.
Chung slowly put his weapon on the ‘floor’, if you could call this darkness a floor. He sat on it, looking in from of him.
“You had a rough path until now, Prince Seiker. _ Is my name that important for you? _ Yes dear Prince, it is. You are the savior of Hamel! Every demon should fear your name. _ You do? _ Oh but of course… How can I not be afraid by such a strong commander who lead such an army.”
What was his point? Was he trying to build some time? But for which purpose?
“I mean… Nobody can’t stand in your way, certainly not Velder, Feita or Altera.”
“What do you mean? _ Only the truth good prince. You are now part of an unstoppable force, something who can take and break whatever they want… Demon… Evil people… And good people. _ Silence fiend! Our people don’t want to harm other people, they want to protect them? _ Really? Since when are you all good friends prince? You think that your friendship is a proof of this?”
Chung bite his lips.
“Do they really think that bethma or alteria were left alone because Hamel was occuped? Of course not, as you said, your country protect his people. And that is their only concern. But what will happen when they will realize than Elesis, commander of the red knight, is the one purchasing the El with you? Do you think they will trust that? Do you think they will trust Raven? Or an elve? And even a Nasod?”
The truth be told, he already though about that.
“You are a prince, but you aren’t the only voice in your country. You swear to protect the people but what will you do when your country will ask you to protect it from the other? _ It would never happen. We don’t want war. _ Oh you don’t want war? It is funny… I don’t think you created your weapon after my kind did the invasion. - I… _ We are a convenient excuse to you prince Chung. You found friends in your journey and I am sure you are grateful to them, maybe beyond what a being like myself can imagine. But without us, what would have happened? _ Nothing! _ Really? ”
He shake his heads, angry by his accusation.
“It won’t happen! _ So why don’t you answer this question, between your people and your friends, what will you choose? _ It do… _ You are denying it! You rather have us invading your land to make things easier. It is way more confortable for you to kill a demon, you don’t think about it don’t you? _ You are the one who… _ If you could save Ara’s brother, will you do it?”
He didn’t answer.
“Answer me prince Seiker! Would you have save the one who hurted your father? _ … _ This is you, prince Seiknir. You aren’t as nice as you make you look. You would destroy everyone if they don’t go in your way. This is the path of a destroyer… Of a ruler if I must said. _ Lie! It is all lie. A demon like you… _ Because I am demon, I can’t speak the truth? Tell me little prince, who is the one that invaded your country? Who had the chance to see it from the inside, to tcheck every dirty part in it? _ You… _ Usually, people can’t beat their sin, their fear or their demons… But you…”
Chung was shaking, gritting his teeths, his throat was dry.
“You just deny it. You don’t see you as perfect, but you don’t see you as evil. You don’t see your limit.”
He opened his mouth but no word came from it.
“Go on, prince Seiknir. If you are so sure, go ahead.”
Chung couldn’t move, his mind was hurting him. He couldn’t get-up. He stayed on his weapon, realizing his own limit. For the firs time, Chung began to see himself as a demon. And he couldn’t deny this feeling.
“Where are you?”
She was frightened, she didn’t like the darkness who was arround her. It was a dark reminder of her brother’s transformation. She continued to walk, wondering if she would find a way to go out. Her hands began to shake when she heared a voice around her:
“Still a child at heart… No wonder Eun came with you, such an easy child to manipulate.”
Holding her spear, Ara answered back.
“Show yourself! _ Why? Don’t you have a habit to hide being Eun yourself? _ I… ”
Ara was stopped by Eun’s voice. She could feel an incredible animosity toward her, she told her to not listen to the demon but Ara couldn’t let him badmouth her.
“Eun is my friend, the protector of my village and of the elstone. She isn’t like you, she is my friend and none of your word would make me thing otherwise.”
The voice didn’t answer. Ara couldn’t knew that the demon cursed Eun, because of her, Ara was probably aware of his plan and the girl was strong enough to put all of her trust in Eun.
“Your family seem to have a thing with demons. _ You won’t hurt me by talking about my brother.”
Eun herself was surprised, Ara was certainly afraid but her words were full of strengh. She knew her wounds, that her brother’s fate was her burden. This voice was only trying to lure her on a trap.
“Oh Ara Haan… You became an incredible warrior. Standing by yourself, defending your brother and your friendly fox… Oh… It is a wonderful thing, seeing you able to protect them from me… From the other.”
The silence stayed for some seconds, then the voice continued.
“Oh… Ara, did you really think we, demons, were your real ennemy?
Ara suddenly felt angry at this sentence.
"You are! Because of you, my village was destroyed, my brother was corrupted… You hurt this world! _ It is true Ara Haan, I won’t deny our sin.”
The anger almost disapeared in an instant, Ara wasn’t used to hear a devilish voice talk in a honest manner.
“But do you really think that people will accept Eun? Or that they will let your brother be saved? _ They… _ What did happen the first time you encountered your 'friends’ Eun?”
He didn’t get an answer.
“They attacked you. That is right. _ It was only because they didn’t knew her. _ And your brother? Do you think Chung is gonna let him live? _ He… _ Are you telling me you aren’t afraid of his anger? Of his pain? _ He is my friend, he know that… _ Oh Ara… Do you really think they care about you?”
Eun felt the danger, the voice found the hole, her constant insecurity, her fear of not being worthy. She tried to talk to Ara but she found herself isolated. Ara began to be surrounded by fear.
“Convincing yourself doesn’t change the reality, isn’t it? _ You are just trying to… _ You come from an unknow place, you try to save a monster that put a whole kingdom into chaos, you try to save the one who destroyed chung’s father, you hold in you a dangerous creature.. Do you really think they are gonna listen to someone like you? _ ye… yes, they are my fri… _ Who would be friend with someone who can’t stand by herself? Who need the help of a monster to suceed? _ Eun isn’t… _ Poor Elsword, poor chung, poor Elesis… Seeing someone using demon for their own use when they suffered because of them. _ No.. No! They… _ Poor Eve, seeing an useless girl tripping again and again… _ Stop… _ Your fears come from a real basis… and you try to put them on me so you can say 'It is a lie’. But your feelings don’t lies Ara Haan. _ I trust them… _ You don’t. You never trust anyone, you can’t trust their love and then, you begin to worry to not be love? To not be close to people? _ I… _ You are too entiltled to your fear to actually trust people. You only follow the flow, clueless about yourself, letting a fox spirit helping you to do the job you were supposed to do in the beginning. _ I KNOW!”
Eun was speechless, she didn’t expect to hear ara scream. She tried to talk but no sound could come… She was powerless, without any possibility of helping Ara’s anxiety attack.
“I know I failed everyone. I know I know I know I know I know… Because of me, My brother became a monster, because of me, everyone died, because of me, Eun’s is seen as a monster, because of me, Chung’s father is… I… I am a worthless person. I know. _ But you try so hard… _ I DON’T TRY. I FAIL. I KNOW I DISAPOINT EVERYONE EVERY TIME. _ Oh Ara, they surely…”
Every time Ara was hurting herself, the voice made false cheering words. And every time, ara would hate herself for hearing the same excuses people gives her.
“ I KNOW… I… I…”
She dropped her spear, screaming in pain, tears overflowing her face. The tough act didn’t help her to overcome her fear. Despite her love for them, her hate of herself was too strong.
Eun whole body was shaking. She was trap, she couldn’t do anything.
“Oh Eun… And you finally got a real friends this time… You finally overcame your loneliness…
Well my dear spirit… It seem you aren’t really good at protecting are you?”
Eun screamed with rage.
“I will let you witness her pain. I hope you will enjoy it, in many thousand years, you certainly didn’t experience it… The feeling of loosing a person you love, just in front of you.”
The voice bursted out, enjoying the feeling of crushing Eun… Once and for all.
“Why don’t you come here so I can just roast your ass?”
She would taunt her imaginery opponent. She was angry, she still didn’t find a way to stop the darkness and her friends needed her.
“Are you scared? The big bad demon can’t take a single person alone?”
The voice’s answer was calm… And oddly gentle.
“It must be tiring… Being a hero. _ I can do that all my life, now show yourself. _ Very well.”
And in front of Elesis appeared Elsword.
“… What kind of stupid trick is that? _ It isn’t a trick red knight. It is your truth.”
She looked at Elsword, scratching her cheek before bursting out.
“Seem like still the same old elsword for me. At least the real one seem more bright. Can’t you make him more expressive?”
The comment only encountered the silence.
“Did I got your tongue? I think looking at that fake elsword expression is more interesting than fighting you right now.”
Still the same lack of sound.
“Come on, don’t be shy.”
Elesis had to wait almost ten minut before the voice finally answered.
“This is a tiring mask… Isn’t it?”
This time, it was Elesis who took some time before answering. Despite the usual joke, her tone changed.
“You aren’t really good at enlighting the mood right?”
And again, the silence. A silence that seemed to last an eternity.
“how long will you continu the act?”
Elesis bited her lips.
“How about you say what you want to say?”
She didn’t let the voice answer.
“This place is made by our fear, isn’t it?”
Her red eyes didn’t look at Elsword since her last joke about him. She was avoiding his gaze.
“So what? You think I am gonna chicken out and cry?”
Her fake swaggering didn’t shake the demon.
“This place isn’t made by fear. It is made by truth. _ Great words coming from a demon. _ You know quite well what I want to tell you. _ I am not interested, sorry.”
Elesis wanted to continu her taunt, but the voice stopped her.
“You don’t have to be a hero Elesis.”
The moment the words came out of the darkness, Elesis smile was gone. Her eyes showed anger and even a great hatred. She knew how this place work, she knew what this creature wanted but it wasn’t a mindgame between them. It was a clash of word, a clash about a possible fact she was eluding.
“Show yourself. _ So you can kill me? Go on then, do it, I am here. _ you are not Elsword. _ I will just go inside this fake, and you will destroy it. Elesis the great knight fear nothing after all. _ You… are… not… my brother. _ Of course not, why are you thinking this? _ STOP PLAYING.”
The sword was near the fake elsword throat. The moment the demon began to occupy this false elsword, Elesis moved her sword toward him. But… She didn’t strike.
“ Do it. _ I will do it. _ So go on then. _ … I know what you want me to think, and this… _ Think what? _ Stop playing with me… _ Are you afraid to put word on the idea? I though you loved words judging your puns.”
Elesis’s eyes were scary. Nobody with a sane mind would provoke her at this point.
“ You want to test me… To see if I would be able to kill my own brother if it mean saving the world. _ Would you? _ … _ Let me give you your answer… Yes you would. ”
Elesis decapitated the fake elsword. Her hand was shaking, blood covering her face. She was trying to stay calm but the demon laughed.
“I will save everyone. _ No Elesis… You won’t even be able to save yourself.”
In front of Elesis appeared the Crimson Avenger. Elesis blinked, feeling like a stone was in her throat. Her breath began to become heavier.
“This is you. _ No. _ this is the truth. This is you, failing to save the red knight. This is you, broken. This is you becoming a monster, like me. _ I won’t become like this. _ No, in a other hand, you can become the greatest knight the world will have. And at this point, your burden will become something else. _ … _ So let me ask you this elesis… You can kill me, you can kill all of my kind… Will you be able to kill your own brother if the world needed it? _ … _ Will you be able to forgive yourself if you failed? _ … ”
“The mask of being cool, fearless, strong… You think it is what you are, it certainly is… But you avoid confronting yourself to the burden you created the moment you became a hero. _ … _ And do you know what is funny? There is a third path for you, a path where you don’t become the monster, a path where you don’t become the greatest knight with the fear of holding the world in your shoulder. _ What are… _ This path is one where you follow the fire. This is the path where you are free. This is the path where you give up becoming a true hero for your liberty. _ That… Can’t be.”
Elesis bite her lips until blood came from it. Her body wasn’t moving at all, she was stopping herself from shaking.
“This place don’t show your fear Elesis. It show the burden you created for yourself by becoming a hero. I am maybe a cowardly creature, but even like that, my fate seem far more enviable, even if I die, than yours.”
Elesis closed her eyes, an utter look of defeat on her face. She certainly knew it since the beginning, the burden of her path. But this time, when facing all the possible consequence of her choice, even her couldn’t get up.
“Ahahah… What a stupid situation. Do they really think it will work?”
He would continu to laugh. He wasn’t afraid, not one bit by being alone. He was actually analysing the situation and laughing at all the potential attack the demon could launch on him. But soon, the laugh and the smile were gone. Add stopped himself. his mother was in front of him. For one second, he almost ran toward her but he stopped.
“What a bad joke… Mother can’t be here.”
The few moment of sanity he had were here to save him from rusing into this type of trap.
“The truth is… You wish she will never be here.”
Opening his eyes in disbelief after hearing the voice, Add let a small laugh came of his mouth:
“What kind of stupidity is that? _ Don’t you know? No child want their mother to see how bad they had been since she left.”
Add could see a disapointed look on his mother face.
“What have you done since you survived? Oh no, please dear Add, don’t waste your breath. Let me tell you something.”
And at that moment, add’s mother talked.
“After you were left alone in the library, you did your best to survive. You escaped hell to finally find yourself trap in a golden cage. This cage gave you strong wings but was incapable of guiding you. _ What can you understand? You think searching in me will…”
His mother voice raised, firm.
“How many time will you the excuse of your past to just runaway from the future? I know who you are Add. You will fight dimension and time iteself to find what you have lost. But the truth is the same.”
The words were cold, like dagger entering his soul.
“You just use your past as an excuse. You are mad? Well you can’t help it, you had a rough past. You hurt people? Well you can’t help it, you had a rough past. You can’t socialize? Well you can’t help it, you had a rough past. You don’t trust Elsword and his friends? Well you can’t help it, you had a rough past. Elsword and his friends don’t trust you? Well you can’t help it, you had a rough past.
Your past, your past, your past.
Everything you do, you use your mother’s death as a justification for it.”
Add answer was loud, full of anger and sadness.
“Who do you think you are? Judging me? Did I say anything about this to them? NO! I am just trying to repair the past so my mother can be alive, I don’t care about myself.
Add moved back, scarred by the furious answer.
“If you didn’t care about your life, you would have let yourself die. You think being hurt, having a hard past is an excuse? Do you know how many people came with hard traumatism but tried to move forward? You can’t help it because you are insane? For the love of god, insanity don’t created things like your dynamo.
Ask Ara Haan about her past. Ask Chung about his father’s fate. Ask Eve about being the only one of her kind. Ask Ciel about his past!
Did they become insane? Did they kept falling?”
The words were harsh.
“Everyone keep creating excuse for you, fascinated by your demise. But you aren’t crazy, you aren’t insane. You are just an antisocial person. Real insanity is a disease, but you, you cultivated your suffering days after days. You shutted yourself from the world, you didn’t let people help you and you didn’t try to help them.
Tell me what type of mother would love to see their son destroy their own self just for them.
Add didn’t have any answer, he didn’t have many room to breathe.
“You are a broken person who couldn’t accept to repair himself. You rather try to erase you because it is the easy solution. You rather try to say you do this for your mother when you didn’t think about her feeling in the first place. _ SHUT UP! _ You use your parents death as a tragedy when people could argue they were making people in danger. _ SHUT UP! _ You don’t even know on what they worked. But tell me after seeing the Nasod King it was a good idea. _ YOU DON’T KNOW, YOU KNOW NOTHING!”
His mother let a sad laugh, looking at him with pity in his eyes.
“You act like you suffered a mental breakdown but the real one, this one, you avoided it. You want to erase yourself because you don’t accept your mistake. Do you want to know something Add? There is a fate in you were you become even more insane, the real insanity. You know why? Because you discovered that you couldn’t change the past, that the you who exist can’t be remodeled. THAT YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT YOURSELF.”
Add fell on his knee, having a panick attack.
“You are just so afraid to be yourself than you would kill everyone, reject everyone, destroy the world rather than just being strong.
You aren’t even weak Add.
You are just a pathetic living excuse, fitting to make people cry in their house while they do an apologia of your personnality. You shut yourself in a pile of shit and you are happy with it.”
Imagine Add choking, falling on the ground as his mom disapear. It is true that Add always had a weakness in his mental state. But this time, the voice didn’t try to sneak in it. the voice just destroyed every part of him.
He would recognize the works of demons. Searching for Lu, he would just saw a shadow in front of him. The true form of the demon:
“… Where are my friends? _ I am quite sure you mean Lu, isn’t it? _ YOU… ”
Ciel would raise his gunsword on his opponent, threatening him.
“Where is she? _ Lu is at her place… Actually, it is really sad Ciel… You died once for her, and you won’t have this opportunity again. _ What… _ You are an empty shell Ciel. You were an assassin who killed because it was the only thing he could do to live. You didn’t lived, you survived. Everyday.”
The demon would slowly travel around Ciel, ignoring the threat of his weapon.
“And one day, you found a purpose. Someone to love, to protect… You didn’t even care that she was a demon. As long as she existed, it was okay. Isn’t it Ciel? I won’t say you don’t love her, you certainly do since it is what make you walk this far. But you love her because you need her.”
The blue eyes of Ciel didn’t go away from the demon.
“You are so tense… But again, why wouldn’t you be? She isn’t around and it make you uneasy. She is the purpose of your life. Without her, your hollow self won’t be able to move.”
The moment Ciel was gonna press the trigger, the demon suddenly dashed in front of him. The void of his face facing Ciel’s eyes full of anger and doubt.
“You don’t have a soul. You are a murderer, you are a demon’s follower who kill us just so a tyran can go back on her pathetic throne. You have no right for happiness and you know it. But you counted on her to be the exception. The only happiness you would ever achieve.
But here is the truth Ciel. You failed. You can kill me but you can’t save her. You don’t press the trigger because you don’t have a purpose without her. If my death doesn’t make her comeback, then, you will stay as an empty shell. You were already dead Ciel.
Now, stay here as the pathetic living zombie you are.”
The demon didn’t lie. Ciel knew it. He couldn’t save Lu, and because of that, he was feeling empty. Without her… He couldn’t move.
Imagine her calling Ciel, again, and again, and again. Imagine the empty void around her. Imagine the loneliness surrounding her. Imagine her calling elsword, add, rena… And still being alone.
Imagine the void. Imagine that it is her new real. Only the empty and dark space. Without Ciel, without anyone to be with here.
No realms. No love. No friends.
And in the darkness, a demon would just laugh as the past great demon lord was breaking down in his realm.
Imagine yourself, seeing everyone of them being breaking down by the lie and the poisoned words made by this demon. And the worse is that you know the demon will do nothing on you. You aren’t worth it, you can’t do anything, you can’t save them.