he should be on this list every year!

Send Nude Pics of Your Heart to Me

James Potter to Mrs. Wife: lily can we have another baby?

Lily Potter to Wears Socks to Bed: R u going to text me that every time Harry does something cute?

James Potter: yes

Lily Potter: U know if we got one every time u asked we’d have like 35 babies by now??

James Potter: i’d be okay with that

James Potter: they might give us our own tv programme

James Potter: lil and jim and their kin 

Lily Potter: Ur right what’s the point of having children if not to pimp them out for reality television

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On a moonless night many years ago, you met a man at a crossroads on the outskirts of town. He offered you many splendid things - all that you could want and more, all at a single fixed price. How could you say no to deal like that?

Now the Devil has come to collect his due. He arrives at your doorstep in crimson and gray, merry eyes dancing like the flames of Hell. When you do not resist, he looks disappointed, as though claiming your soul is another weary chore on a list as long as eternity. Does he want you to weep, to fight him, to beg for another few years? Or perhaps… perhaps he is just looking for a game.

A contest, then? His eyes burn brightly at this suggestion. Yes, there is no doubt about it - you’ve seen that hungry look before, on the face of every compulsive gambler you’ve ever known.

It is the old wager. Should you win, all debts are forgiven, and he gives up all claim over your soul. Should you lose, he will collect his payment in full.

You never learned to play the fiddle, so his first hopeful suggestion is shot down. A game of riddles is no better - the only one you can remember involves a frog in a blender. Chess, then? No, no. You called one of your pieces “the horsey” and he ended the game abruptly.

There’s got to be something you can play, he pleads, voice teetering on the edge of desperation. Backgammon? Billiards? Poker? Golf? But you have never been a competitive person - winning has never appealed to you the way it does to some, and you are not the worthy and driven opponent he craves.

And then… you find it. It’s not what your infernal guest was hoping for, but it’s all you’ve got, and by now he’s ready to settle for anything that offers a challenge. Long nights spent playing against yourself during the lonely years after grad school honed your skills to a keen edge. It’s the last chance you’re ever going to get, and by God, you’re giving it your all.

Anyone passing by your window would see nothing at all out of the ordinary - just two hunched figures, lost in twin concentration, and between you, a Scrabble board.

Mirror For The Sun - Part 1: The Idea

Masterlist  -  Series Masterlist  -  Part 2

Summary: Series: Nat tricks you into leading a road trip with Bucky, Sam and Steve. Her plot is partly to get the boys to travel for fun for once but mostly to get you and Bucky together. You and Bucky, who seemingly despise each other. Part: The set-up.

Warnings: swearing

Word Count: 1442

Author’s Note: Ok, lots of things:

  1. Aaaah I’m going to try something totally new and try a lot of 1st person Bucky POV in this series! This first part is just testing the waters a bit, feedback is much much appreciated.
  2. Changing my mind, this isn’t going to be a drabble series. I just couldn’t cut the parts up that short. It will be a short series though, 7 or 8 parts I think, definitely less than 10.
  3. I am currently road tripping myself and will make a Series Masterlist page once I get to my final destination tonight.
  4. I don’t have photoshop on this computer (waaah!) so if anyone wants to make me a banner for this series… I wouldn’t hate it. Otherwise I’ll try to piece one together with Gimp or some other free crap

Okay enough chatter!

Originally posted by unlucky--bucky

“Alright, my turn,” Natasha smirks, taking her stance and firing an impeccably placed dart into the board. Damn it. Why did I agree to play her? She must play Clint all the time. She’s going to beat me.

“Best city for a night out.” She must have known Steve would give a less than satisfactory answer because she raises a finger towards him and specifies, “I mean, pick up a girl, one night stand, kind of night out.” I can’t help but snort thinking about Steve trying to talk himself into leaving after a one night stand. He’s so damn chivalrous.

“I don’t know what you’re laughing about, Buck,” Steve fires at me, “you’ve been on fewer dates than me in the last decade!”

That shut me up. He’s right, I haven’t really gotten back into the swing of it yet, haven’t really tried. I scowl at Steve before picking up my set of darts and flicking one into the target. “New York,” I answer, willfully ignoring Steve’s taunting.

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We have to talk about Les Amis & Co. as high school teachers.

  • Enjolras as the government teacher. He, of course, has half the students swooning. (Courf’s ringtone for his is Don’t Stand So Close to Me by the Police. Enjolras does not find this funny).  The other half of the students loathe him. He is strict beyond compare and by far the toughest grader. But he is also unbelievable supportive. If a kid seems to be having trouble, he always goes out of his way to help them out.  He also has a mural of Liberty Leading the People on his wall curtesy of an all-too-willing Grantaire.
  • Combferre as the strict but nurturing philosophy teacher. All his students really like him, but are secretly terrified of him. There are rumors that he is actually omnipotent. He sees everything. Don’t ever try to cheat in his class. Ever. You will fail and you will die.
  • Courfeyrac is an amazing ethics teachers.  All his students adore him. During his lectures, he constantly flip-flops between rants on social justice and terrible puns. He also sponsors the school’s LGBTQ+ club. He always has his door open to talk to students. HE and Jehan are locked in a perennial battle for the title of “Favourite Teacher.”  His tactics involve innumerable amounts of chocolate.
  • Jehan as the eccentric langauge arts teacher.  Every one loves hims.  He introduces his students to both classic and obscure, underrated authors.  He enthusiastically advocates for his students to write more, even offering to edit work that’s not for class. He is incredibly kind and gentle in class, but all his students know about his dark side. One time, a kid called John Keats lame. That day will haunt the school for years to come.
  • Bahorel as the boisterous chemistry teacher. Okay wait, just hear me out. Explosions.
  • Marius as the terribly nerdy calculus teacher.  Before he met Cosette, he professed in a grand speech in the teacher’s lounge that Lady Math was his one true love.  Actually, that’s how they met.  Cosette was laughing her head off in the back.  But seriously.  He does math for fun.  He has a tattoo of the Fundamental Theorem of Calculus.  
  • Cosette as the always cheerful choir teacher.  She sings like a lark and has a smile unmatched, but once her father came to visit her while she was teaching.  She left to make some copies, leaving him alone with the kids, and ever since they’ve never dared to make any trouble.  She uses this to her advantage.  When she asked Marius out on their first date, she did it by bursting in on one of his classes and having her kids sing to him.  He was red for a week.
  • Musichetta as the Home Ec. teacher.  She can do everything.  It’s fucking amazing.  But unfortunately, one of her boyfriends is not allowed in her classroom ever again. Let’s just say that after the wounds he suffered, stitches would have been redundant.
  • Bossuet as the clumsy French teacher.  He absolutely loves it.  He was born in Toulouse, but his mother’s job took his family to the States when he was five.  He always wished he had more of chance to explore his home country, so exploring his heritage is a dream job.  The only problem is that after speaking in French all day to his students, he sometimes forgets to switch to English around his friends.  (Not Chetta or Joly mind.  They think it's trés attirant). 
  • Joly as the weird-ass biology teacher.  In his classroom, he has a human skeleton he calls Molly, (“Good morning, Molly!” Joly says every morning.  "Good morning to you too, Joly!“ says Joly in a weird voice).  No one knows if Molly is a real skeleton or not.  Whenever someone asks Joly, he just laughs.  Molly has been featured in many a prank. He also teaches the Anatomy and Physiology elective.  There are many rumors about that class.  There are often loud sounds coming from the room, but whenever the students are asked about it, they just laugh. They truly have learned well.
  • Feuilly teaches World History and shop class.  His style is the very definition of tough love.  A lot of his students want to hate him for being so hard on them, but they can’t.  He is a terribly kind and helpful person and they all know his hard-edged style really makes them better students and people.
  • Montparnasse (yes, I’m counting him. He is one of my babies) teaches orchestra.  He loves music and he gets to wear a tux.  He would teach band, but then he’d have to lead the marching band.  Parnasse doesn’t sweat.
  • Eponine is the menacing P.E. teacher with the glint of murder in her eye.  Do not cross her.  The punishment: Pirate Dodge Ball from New Jersey Hell.
  • And finally, Grantaire.  Art teacher and resident nihilist.  Despite his cynicism about humanity as a whole, he is incredibly optimistic about each of his students individually.  His kids are what keep him going.  The light he sees in their eyes when they accomplish something in his class makes him forget- just for a second- all the pain and shit he’s suffered in his life.  His classroom is a bit of a safe haven for many students.  When kids are having problems with any type of substance abuse, they come to R.  He doesn’t feed them the feel-good crap that they’d get from the counselor.  He’s been through the same stuff they have and came out the other side.  He’s been sober since the year before he started teaching and he knows how to really help his kids out.  

anonymous asked:

I know you've done a short one before, but I'm about to go to camp as a counselor and I was wondering if you'd ever considered writing a longer camp counselor bellarke fic

I was looking through my to-write list and one of the bullet points was just “cursed so they can’t not touch each other,” which I decided would be a good thing to set at a magical summer camp, so yes, anon, here you go

fucking magnets (how do they work)

Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, 9800 words, explicit

As Bellamy thinks should be obvious, working as a counselor at a camp for magical kids is a pretty high-risk occupation. In his six years of counseling at Camp Charmwood, he’s been hexed, cursed, turned into animals from every major vertebrate group, including a really unfortunate experience of being a fish out of water, petrified, and generally run through the wringer.

Some people might take this as a reason to not come back, but Bellamy kind of loves it. Not the unintentional magical abuse specifically, but he likes kids, likes being outside, and he does get some great stories about it.

But it’s not for everyone, and he would have said, if anyone asked him, that it wasn’t for Clarke Griffin.

Although, if he’s honest, he knows that’s not entirely fair. In a lot of ways, Clarke’s good at the job. She took over running the arts and crafting cabin from Lincoln, and he’ll admit that, by all accounts, she’s good at that. He wouldn’t call her naturally gifted with children, kind of awkward and overly serious, but she’s figured out how to make it work for her. Her general stoicness makes them want to impress her, but since she actually likes them, it’s not hard for them to do it, so every single one seems to be proud of winning her over, and it’s a vibe that works.

But she doesn’t seem to like cabins, or being outside, or dealing with unexpected magic, and all of those are pretty much occupational hazards, if not active perks of the job. He honestly has no idea why anyone would decide to become a camp counselor if they didn’t think spending a lot of time outside and living in the middle of nowhere was a good thing.

“I like being outside,” she grumbles. Given she’s spent this entire hike glaring, and the last five minutes swearing creatively, he’s having trouble feeling persuaded.

“You know you’re scowling at a branch right now, right?”

“It hit me in the face!” she snaps.

“None of this is convincing me you like being outside.”

“I like outside. I don’t like hiking,” she says. “And don’t tell me you’re happy you’re lost in the woods. I know you’re Mr. Charmwood or whatever, but come on. You’re not enjoying this.”

“I’d be enjoying it if you weren’t here,” he grumbles, which isn’t entirely true, and she must know it, because she elbows him.

“I know you don’t like me, but there’s no way you don’t like me that much. You’d be happier alone, but not happy.”

Read the rest on AO3!

Get ready for the Hogwarts Thrawn and Eli AU that nobody asked for! XD

I had a magical influenza induced dream last night that Thrawn and Eli somehow ended up at Hogwarts together and Thrawn was dressed like Percival Graves for some reason and Eli was like ‘dafuq?’ and Palpatine was there… 

It was a good time.

For the Duelling Club Fic Click Here

And then I wrote a little fanfic to go with it and I think it’s fun. Here we go:

Eli trundled through the halls of Hogwarts castle, taking the longest route imaginable to Professor Palpatine’s office. It was the coldest day of winter yet and all the usual outdoor passages were covered in snow and swept by howling winds. So he decided to take a sizable detour through the much warmer hallways. Though warmer, in this case, did not mean entirely warm.

He reached an open window and quickly pulled out his wand to shut it but the icy wind had already covered the sill in snow. Eli shivered, hugging himself and rubbing his hands up and down for warmth.

“Stupid cold,” he thought to himself bitterly.

Eli was born in much warmer climates and had been enjoying the ever changing scenery while his parents moved him from place to place. Along the way he’d picked up a myriad of languages, cultures and friends but then he turned eleven and his magical travelling childhood came to an end. Eli’s parents had been offered a full time position at one of the courier companies in London and upon settling down, a letter from Hogwarts had arrived without delay.

Keep reading

So Ichigo’s feelings obviously got pretty darn strong guys. Because Renji noticed - and as much as I love that red-headed monkey, he can also be a tad dense (just like Ichigo). 

So Renji actually approached Ichigo and told him he should confess. 

Please do not forget the fact that Renji gazed after Rukia for years upon years. But didn’t do anything because he felt she was better off away, or in a different world. (Honestly, I think there’s too much to even list without writing an essay)

And you bet your sweet ass he saw that same look on Ichigo’s face. Because you know Renji saw that look in the mirror every time he thought of Rukia. It wouldn’t be hard for him to spot, now would it? 

Our precious baby men support each other.

so i talk a lot about francy and why they’d be good together but i guess i should also make a post why they’re not good together – not because i want to ruin my own ship but tbh sometimes the angst is worth it (also this is a v long list i’m sorry)

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  • prompt: Rachel wrote a list of the ten things she wanted in her future husband when she was about seven eight. Jesse found it one day, ticked them off, and smugly framed it.

It’s their second day in their new home – a brownstone, like Rachel always dreamed of – and Jesse’s done about 90% of the heavy lifting.  While he lugs in box after box, Rachel skips passed him with small items, a vase, some books, a bag of clothes. A smug smirk, too.

Some would say he’s whipped. Those who wouldn’t would be wrong.

His main task of the day has been to go to Rachel’s storage locker – which she’s had since she returned to New York – to pick up all the things from her childhood home. Her apartment was never big enough to fit her entire life into, but now that they have three floors and seemingly endless space, she’s decided it’s time to bring back the obnoxious yellow and unnecessary amounts of glitter.

Jesse is just thrilled.

Two and a half years into their relationship and a mere six months away from getting married, now seems like the perfect time to upgrade from their old apartment. Rachel moved in with him eighteen months ago, officially, and about two years ago in reality, and Jesse’s decided that his place just isn’t big enough to house the two of them and his Tony Award.

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@itsqueermrmarvin especially since in the first draft he spends years obsessively planning a birthday party for himself and celebrates it once he’s read every book in the library, one page a day (he says he’s 263 years old). So birthdays are a big thing for him

anonymous asked:

I don't normally pay attention to actor salaries, but I would love to know what kind of a pay raise CE got for the extra movie (I'd heard over the years that Marvel had been stingy with him). At least I hope he got a pay raise. He has certainly deserved one. Hell, parent Disney should contribute to it considering the boon Captain America has seen since the MCU and CE's portrayal started.

I can’t really find a list of what he made for each film, but I did find an article here that states he made $300,000 for First Avenger and $7 million for Age of Ultron. So yeah, comparatively to others of his same demographic, he is paid very little considering his popularity. Which is why he makes the Forbes “Best Actor for Your Buck” list every year. Thus I certainly don’t blame him for channeling his inner Leonard Nimoy and playing some hardball when it comes to negotiating a contract extension. Were I in his shoes I’d certainly do the same.

So like literally a year ago I started writing a fic based on this ask and I found it in my google docs again last week and decided to try and finish it.

Here it is on AO3

“Yeah, mom. Alright. Love you too. Bye.”

Bahorel tried not to be upset as he hung up the phone. The Bahorel family was scattered over the globe, so usually between all of them they had enough frequent flier miles to get home for Christmas, but that summer had been a huge reunion with nearly the whole family flying back to Oahu, and no one had caught the lack of available flights until it was too late. For the first year ever, he would not be going home for Christmas.

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anonymous asked:

Izaya and shizuo reaction to finding out that their lover have ice powers?

Orihara Izaya:

Early morning coffee was one thing. Ice powers were another.

For example, early morning coffee was nice. Toasted. Warm. Fresh. It gave Izaya a good little buzz and had him ready to start the day, mess more things up, go to more meetings with dangerous yakuza, the usual things. 

Ice powers, however, were stunning. Shocking. Frosty. Cold. It sent Izaya into a intrigued state, phrasing his words as carefully as he can, questioning how in the world could such things happen. 

And coffee was nice at any time of the day. Early morning ice powers, weren’t. 

He hasn’t even had a single drop of coffee yet.


At the call of his name, he blinked slowly and faced the person who’d just confessed to him about their supposed ice powers. Supposed, being the keyword, since he had no proof that they actually did have ice p-

plop. ice cube in his coffee.

“…Oops. Meant to.. kind of.. drop it there. But that’s solid evidence of my powers, right?”

Scratch that. Terribly-inconvenient, bad-at-the-x-and-y-axis-ice powers. Blankly staring at his coffee, Izaya gave a sigh and pressed his hand to his temple, shoulders slouched. Months living with him and his coffee was still ruined. 

It didn’t really leave him with good first impressions of their powers.

“…I…I think, I’d like to try ice cold coffee today,” he ended up mumbling, voice uncharastically wavering. Fingers gripping the mug, he held it to his lips and promptly drank, shutting his eyes.

“…So,” Izaya breathed as he licked his lips, scrunching his face at the taste. 

“Ice powers… Should I ask where did you get them from? Or,” he paused, straightening his back and firmly looking into his significant other’s eyes. 

“Should I just let it go?”

“…I can’t believe you just.. made a pun…”

“I can’t believe you just dropped ice into my coffee.”

Heiwajima Shizuo:

“…You can make snow appear?”

“If I try, yes.”

Heiwajima Shizuo has seen snow a couple of times in his life. Every year, actually. He’s seen it all, snowflakes, snow angels, snowmen, even felt the cool winter breeze along his cheek. He would have quite the list of stories to tell about winter - if he bothered to even remember what happened. 

But now that his lover had turned around suddenly as they were walking, smack dab in the middle of the sidewalk and confessed about their (apparently) previously secret ice powers to Shizuo, added with the fact that summer had arrived and he sweated buckets each time he came home, snow has never seemed more appealing than now.

“…Nice. So.. like.. you can.. make it cold?” he mumbled, catching up with them with quick, hasty steps. He’d never heard of people having ice powers. In fact, the only times he’s ever heard of people having ‘powers’ that were supernatural was a sad, sad group that only included him. 

And Celty, but she was a whole ‘nother urban legend.

“Yeah. The summer heat’s getting to you, huh. Tell you what, when we get home, I’ll show you what I can do,” they hummed, back facing Shizuo. 

It sounded suggestive. 

Pulling lightly at their clothes, ‘wait up’, it took him a few moments to re-collect himself. 

“Right. Show… Show me, then,” Shizuo, looking straight at them, holding their gaze for a couple moments before he blinked. 

“Later, I mean. But.. But don’t be afraid to..” he trailed off, clearing his throat. Maybe he was overthinking this, maybe the weather was making him like this, but a blush rose to his cheeks as he coughed and swallowed thickly, hoping he was soft enough for only them to hear.

“Go overboard.”

And he meant it. Make a blizzard happen, make it hail, make it rain ice cubes - as long as the damned heat was ‘rid of and he could feel cold for just a single moment…

“It’s not that hot, Shizuo…”

“But I’ve been sweatin’ so much lately - !”

anonymous asked:

Barba @ Harvard headcannon please

MasterlistAsk for a headcannon

  1. I fully believe that he was not the snarky ass lawyer we see now, he was less sure of himself. Still a huge smartass, but less confident. He was surrounded by people whose parents made a lot more money than his did.
  2. He worked incredibly hard, and almost never took a night off (the habit must have started somewhere)
  3. He did have a small group of friends, with which he studied and hung out with. 
  4. He walks around Harvard and Cambridge to calm his nerves before a big test or mock trial, he still does this in NY before a large case.
  5. To help pay for law school, he gave tours on the Freedom Trial. 
  6. He did everything to pay for law school: wait tables, work on campus, and take every internship he could. 
  7. The few friends he made, he still keeps in-touch with, though through the years less and less. 
  8. He almost never uses the Harvard alumni database/connections to pull strings, but when it is for the people he cares about he doesn’t even need to be asked. 
  9. He loved reading everything the Harvard Library has to offer, since he didn’t get a lot of it as a kid. So he asks the librarian to make him a list of books he should have read by his age and she does so, and without asking she keeps making lists based on the books he reads. They have a long and wonderful friendship. 
The Dozen Worst Parents in Diana Wynne Jones's Books

I haven’t read quite all of DWJ’s books, but even so, this list could go on forever (even Chrestomanci wouldn’t win any Father of the Year awards). I’ve limited myself to twelve. I’ve also made it a rule only to have biological parents, because I find it interesting that while there are certainly nasty step-parents and relatives in DWJ’s books, she’s not afraid to make the biological ones even nastier.

The reason it’s a dozen, instead of a top-ten, is because otherwise I couldn’t, objectively speaking, include my most hated DWJ character:

12. Ivy from Fire and Hemlock
I react to Ivy in a visceral manner I don’t to any of the others, maybe because she’s on such a human level. She accuses her daughter of lying and keeping secrets, twisting everything around to make it some sort of proof of deceit, and ends up kicking her out of the house. Poor Polly just can’t win, and their scenes are so hurtful and uncomfortable I can barely bear to read. Still, the books make it very clear that Ivy becomes increasingly worse and isn’t in her right mind. Possibly Laurel got to her; either way, she’s paranoid, in the literal sense. She did make some attempt at actual parenting before all that, so that’s why she’s not further up the list.

11. Jack (The Ogre) from The Ogre Downstairs
The book makes a pretty solid attempt to explain his behaviour as being a combination of a hot temper with an inexpressive face. Which is fine, as far as it goes, but none of that changes the fact that he beat his son hard enough to make him sick. I’m aware that it’s an old book and that views of child abuse were different back then, but it’s still child abuse, and it still makes the redemptive ending a bit hard to swallow. (Especially since lighter and fluffier Jack at the end is actually pretty damned appealing. NO, STOP IT, YOU NEED TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE AWFULNESS.)

10. Reg from Fire and Hemlock
While I don’t viscerally hate Reg the way I hate Ivy, he’s a much worse parent, in that he never even tries. When Polly comes to stay with him, he won’t even tell his girlfriend that it’s supposed to be permanent, and he’s perfectly willing to chuck Polly out with no place to go, as long as he can’t be pinned down for it. As I’ve said before, Reg is like Howl without that deeply buried sense of decency Howl after all possesses.

9. Phyllis from Time of the Ghost
The best you can say about Phyllis is that she keeps her children somewhat in her vicinity. She certainly doesn’t pay any attention to them - not even to notice when one of them almost dies. She is, however, perfectly happy to tell the children what kind of people they are, even though she doesn’t even know them.

8. Himself from Time of the Ghost
Himself has all the flaws that Phyllis does, but tops it off with verbal abuse. It’s so nice to know that the only reason he calls his daughters “beasts” instead of “bitches” is because there’s another adult present.

7. Olaf from Year of the Griffin
Paid very little attention to his daughter except to make use of her magical talents. His attitude can best be summed up in his own words: “A daughter is her father’s property until he buys a husband for her.”
You deserve to be a mouse forever, Olaf.

6. Janine/Jaleila from Deep Secret
Like many other parents from this list, Janine doesn’t give two hoots about her kid except in terms of what she can gain from him. Putting a bunch of slave spells on him earns her a place higher up. Arguably, she’s not as bad as her brother Gram, since she didn’t try to shoot her son, but OTOH I’m not convinced she wasn’t in on those plans of eventually assassinating Nick.

5. Al from Drowned Ammett
First he abandoned his son Mitt and pretended to be dead. Then, when Mitt reacted by becoming a revolutionary in his father’s memory, Al kidnapped and abused him. When the truth came out, Al made sure to tell Mitt what a complete disappointment as a son he was, and how much better his half-siblings were. You should have stayed dead, Al.

4. Maria from Black Maria
There are many ways to deal with a disobedient child. Turning her into a wolf is generally not considered a good one. Yes, Maria was quite sad when Naomi was killed, but it’s hard to feel any sort of sympathy for her. Also, considering what a mistress of passive-agression Maria is, it’s hardly surprising that Naomi decided to break free.

3. Lady Marceny from A Sudden Wild Magic
And while we’re at it, another not so good way to handle your disobiedent child is to split his essense in half and stick each half on different worlds, to make sure that neither version will usurp you.
Plus, the whole eating his foreskin stuff, which, magic or not, is just gross.

2. Laurel from Fire and Hemlock
I’m actually not sure if Laurel counts as a biological mother. As far as I can tell (Fire and Hemlock can be rather confusing), the Fairy Queen is reincarnated as herself every 81 years, which means she is both Sebastian’s mother and stepmother. But I might be wrong and she’s only his stepmother, in which case she doesn’t really belong on this list.
Either way, she’s willing to first manipulate him, then marry him as she lets his father die, and eventually, it is implied, let him die to feed off his death. Creepy.

1. Timos IX from Deep Secret
This should surprise no one. It would be very hard to be a worse parent than Timos IX. He’s so terrified of usurpers that he makes it a capital offense for his children to learn of their parentage. That’s right, if you’re one of Timos IX’s children, you’d better pray you’ll never find that out, or you’ll be executed.
Not only does that make Timos IX the worst parent in DWJ’s books, he may just be, next to Chronos, the worst parent ever.

anonymous asked:

I'm a 17 year old girl and I had to go to the hospital for suicide attempt and I think the emt in the ambulance was trying to distract me but he was really weird and told me i should go to the beach wearing a fishnet shirt with nothing underneath and started listing every single soup he knew.

that does sound very distracting

anonymous asked:

sterek coffee shop rec list?(:

  • Kaleidoscope by Vendelin (E, 54k) Stiles spends a year before college working at the all-night coffee shop in town. It’s nice and quiet, until one dark and brooding Derek starts coming in every morning, ordering coffee so strong that it should not be fit for human consumption. Ever. Stiles tries not to be affected by the mystery guy, but it’s not like anything else happens around here, so really, what did you expect? And when he’s already in too deep, he realises he might even be in way over his head…
  • You and Your Stupid, Perfect, Smile by Omni (M, 9k) The last thing Stiles expected to see that morning was the guy he’d been crushing hard on for months standing there dripping wet and practically naked. The last thing he wanted was to have to buddy up to the guy for the sake of his roommate, Erica, who had evidently started dating him. The last thing he’d ever intended was to come between them.
  • Voldemort and Jean Valjean (Walk Into a Coffeshop) by PsychicPineapple (G, 2k) So sue him, Stiles had a stupid habit of giving out goofy names at coffee joints. ‘Name?’ He stood with his sharpie at the ready. ‘Voldemort,’ Stiles answered without missing a beat.
  • Mornings Aren’t For Everyone by eeyore990 (G, 2k) Derek can only stare in horrified fascination because it’s like someone drew a caricature of Monday mornings and this person sprang off the canvas in full, technicolor life.
  • Give me back my bones (and maybe we’ll talk) by kariye (E, 33k) Derek meets Stiles on a Wednesday. He comes in for his usual cup of coffee and somehow walks out with hot chocolate, cinnamon on the top, and no idea what just happened there.

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Guess His Name

“It’s just one night.” His mother smiled gingerly as she fixed the tie around his neck, patting it a couple times for good measure. “Maybe you’ll meet a nice boy there and he will dance with you.”

Castiel clenched his fists. “Mother, you have been watching too many Lifetime movies. The only reason I agreed to go was so that you would have pictures.”

The doorbell rang, causing his mother to clap with excitement while he sagged forward with exhaustion. How was he able to get past Junior Prom but not Senior Prom? His mother had been happy enough letting him skip last year. But now she had fantasies in her mind of him meeting a nice young man and bringing him home to meet her. If only she knew that Castiel was an outcast at school.

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Adderall-And-Alphas' STEREK FIC REC LIST FOR APRIL, 2014

Ah, the time has come. The time for me to actually prove that I’ve gotten the hang of this tumblr thing… fic rec lists are part of that, yeah? And considering I’ve read some of the most amazing fanfiction in the last few months, I can't not share it with you guys anymore. That would be… I dunno, blasphemy or something. So here goes, my to 15 Sterek fanfictions for April, 2014


with bloodied feet across the hallowed ground (owlpostagain)
Teen; 1/1; 29,900 words: There were no last words. No more pleas, no more screaming. Just the sound of Stiles squeezing the trigger, the explosion of a second shot rocketing out of the revolver, and the hunters bursting through the open doorway just in time to see the bullet slam squarely into the center of Derek’s chest.

(Notes: Kidding you not, this is the most thought out, well put together one shot I have ever read from the Sterek fandom. It is a mind fuck of epic proportions and so totally worth your time that I cannot put it into words. It is… absolutely fantastic and if you haven’t read this masterpiece, I question what you are doing with your life; do us all a favor and read it now, please.

Alpha Spikes (starbeast)
Explicit; 7/7; 68,887 words: AU. Alphas are like royalty and are offered their choice of any age eighteen-and-up virgin Omega for each year’s heat season, as a ‘thank-you’ to all they’ve done for their compounds throughout the year. Derek is an Alpha and…yeah, Stiles. Stiles is an Omega. And still a virgin. In every way. And he’s just turned eighteen. This…is not his day.

(Notes: This should be on every Sterek Fic Rec List in, like, EVER. If it’s not on there… wow. Um, I have so much to say about this story and no idea how to put it all into words. It’s just… superb, really. If you haven’t read this, you are sorely missing out and you should read it. Now.) 

Wayward and Down (affectingly
Explicit; 6/6; 32,431 words: 

Pack is family. Family is everything.

This is Stiles’ senior year, and it’s nothing he could have imagined.


That time it took not one, but two separate troll attacks and a malevolent coven of witches for Stiles to figure out how he felt about Derek.

(Notes: affectingly is one of my most favorite authors, and everything you could possibly find by this author is perfection. Wayward and Down is six chapters of pure wonderfulness. There’s a mate trope in there, with the ever wonderful Pack Dynamics tag as well, which is always a plus. BAMF!Stiles is a huge HELL YES from me and we need more BAMF!Stiles in everything. affectingly writes him perfectly and that, my friends, is an art form. So totally worth a read, and so totally worth it’s (minute) length. I could have read 200k+ words of this, I’m not kidding. The build to Sterek is GLORIOUS.) 

I’m Addicted To The Way I Feel When I Think Of You (alltimeblow)
Not Rated; 1/1; 14,787 words: Stiles and Derek have their own family in the form of the Pack and this is how they got there.

(Notes: This is a fanfiction full of feels: be prepared. Specifically pack feels. There are so many pack feels and it is marvelous. The slow burn between Derek and Stiles is something of a holy blessing, as well. This is just an amazingly sweet fanfiction with Pack-Mom!Stiles thrown in there as well and I’m always a sucker for that. This is a must read for… whenever.) 

Hold The Door (Hatteress
Teen and Up; 1/1; 16,700 words: When Derek is killed by a rival alpha, the pack will stop at nothing to get him back. Even if that means blackmailing the most dangerous hunter duo this side of hell. Whatever. That whole devil thing was probably totally exaggerated, anyway.

(Notes: This is one of the best Supernatural/Teen Wolf crossovers I’ve ever had the pleasure of reading. This is another one of those stories where I could read 100k+ words or so of it. BAMF!Stiles and BAMF!Hale Pack are… amazing. They have Dean and Sam down pat, as well. Very well written, and very worth your time.) 

A Million Ways to Say (sixchordSERIES
Ratings Vary; 10 works; 36,709 words: 

The only sensible response was to smash the rest of the cake into Derek’s face.

 (Or, Stiles throws a surprise party for Isaac and nothing goes as planned.)

(Notes: The summary I provided for this collection series is the summary to the first work, Crazy little thing called love and this whole series is just so sweet and pack-feely and domestic and tooth rotting that it’s one of those you should read after a hard day and you need some fluff. It’s all around just one of those things that makes you smile the entire time you read. Treat yourself to this. Please.) 

I Love To Be The Underdog (CaptainnAustralia)
Explicit; 7/7; 33,522 words: 

One of these days Stiles was going to learn that having a death wish was a bad thing.


Five times Stiles got into an argument on Derek’s behalf, and the one time he didn’t have to.

(Notes: Another BAMF!Stiles fic because really, there can never be too many of those. This is also Canon Divergence but it so, so good. I love how this author has really gotten a handle on Stiles’s sass and translates that beautifully in their writing. The relationship between Derek and Stiles is also so wonderful. There’s a bit of angst in this, and mentions of Kate Argent (past) but it’s all around just a lovely work. I love this story.) 

Pack Up; Don’t Stray (the_deep_magic)
Explicit; 7/7; 55,220 words: AU – Werewolves are an enslaved underclass, collared and tagged by human masters. Detective Stilinksi’s on duty the night they bring in an untagged stray.

(Notes: Like Alpha Spikes this is a must read AU that I think should be on every rec list ever. There’s possessive behavior, heroic (mildly impulsive so therefore he’s an idiot who gets himself into poor situations) Stiles, and a Derek that is wonderfully bruised and broken and needs some TLC. There’s slow build in this as well and it is marvelously written. Derek is just… skittish and wary but it works. Everything in this AU just works.) 

We’ve Written Volumes (in Blood and Scars and Ink) 
Explicit; 1/1; 25,935 words: Stiles is on his back on hard-packed dirt. He’s cold and there are leaves stuck to his neck and there’s a four inch gash in his side that he thinks he can feel his ribs through. There’s so much blood around him he feels like he’s floating on a pond and everything is so much dimmer above him than it was a minute ago, which is saying something because he’s in the dark center of the forest in the middle of the night. And the worst of it is that he’s alone, totally alone with the smell of his own blood drowning him and the soft side of him run through by a tree.

As his eyes slip shut, the last thing he thinks is, “This is going to kill my dad.”

(Notes: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. (am I allowed to scream about a fic in my notes? I say yes.) First off, it is happier than the summary implies, I. Promise. The author of this story has collegic background in writing and an MFA, so the way this is written is just so satisfying compared to some other things I’ve stumbled across. It soothes the future English Major in me. Just… I’m horrible with notes when all I’m trying to do is persuade you to read. Just read it. You won’t be sorry.) 

We’re All Freaks Here (pandacowhipster)
Teen and Up; 1/1; 12,918 words:

There are things that go bump in the night, make no mistake.
These are the dudes that bump back.

(Notes: The Hell-Boy AU that you had no idea you needed. Man, do you need it. I’ve read this about 4 times. I still go back to it.) 

I’m Still Up and Driving (KouriArashi)
Explicit; 12/12; 58,155 words: Jackson decides to teach Stiles a lesson for the interest he shows in Lydia. Stiles doesn’t say anything until four months later.

(Notes: WARNING, THEMES OF RAPE (NON-CON). POSSIBLE TRIGGERS. This, at first, was a hard story for me to stomach. In the beginning. Jackson is such a piece of shit in this story, it’s astounding. My heart ached so deeply for Stiles, it damn near brought me to tears. But the love and the support that is also weaved in here from family and friends and pack is like the balm to the wound. The love story that blooms like a flower (slowly, delicately, so easy to tear until it’s not) between Derek and Stiles really makes me happy. I’ll get if you have triggers or cannot read about topics like this, but I urge you profusely to click that link if you can.)

Diamonds Are Forever (but flowers are cheaper) (tylerfucklin)
Teen and Up; 1/1; 9,453 words: 

His name was Stiles Stilinski. He was older than 21, but younger than 25. His dad was the sheriff and he was a student at Beacon Hills Community College. He came into the shop every couple days; always after three, but never past five. He always said hello to Laura, always bought one bouquet, and always spent five minutes trying to make Derek smile with as many puns as he could come up with by the time Derek handed him his receipt.

Derek may or may not be in love with him.

(Notes: Flower shop AU and it is daisies and sunshine and rainbows and roses and Derek is so wonderfully Derek that I giggle thinking about this. Something heartwarming for cold nights (or summer days) is what this is.) 

Lead Me Home (Circe6)
Explicit; 7/7; 36,100 words: 

“Yeah, the world had gone to shit. What’s left of it split into territories, viciously fought over and protected, as if anything is worth protecting any more. Forests to the north, wastelands to the south. There are human territories, wolf territories, witch territories and no-man’s lands, where the Chimeras rule.”

A post-apocalyptic fairytale.

(Notes: It is exactly as the summary states, everything you could imagine, and 100x more. Hush, darlings. Go and read.)

living in your letters (the_misfortune_tellerSERIES 
Teen and Up; 1/1; 9,678 words; 1 of 2: 

Stiles starts writing to Derek after he and Cora leave town.


He gets a few more letters after that, mostly full of Stiles complaining about life in Beacon Hills, telling him what everyone else is up to. Derek likes getting mail from Stiles but isn’t sure if he likes hearing about the humdrum dramas of Beacon Hills all the time. It makes him feel like he’s never left, and not in a good way.

Stiles asks him questions in his letters, questions about what he’s been doing since he’s back in Brooklyn, if Cora is doing OK, what his favorite flavor ice cream is. Derek spreads the letters out on his bed and re-reads them all, before picking up a pen and starting to answer all of Stiles’ questions.

(Notes: This is so worth it, so well written, so beautiful that it honestly made me tear up. Just from… everything that it is. Derek is Derek, Stiles is Stiles, and they’re written so absolutely that this could honestly be put in the TV show and I wouldn’t notice a difference. There is something there with Derek and Stiles and it is everything I wanted and more.) 

To Stiles, On His 28th Birthday (milkyway)
Mature; 1/1; 1,667 words: Derek started out writing a birthday card for Stiles, but then ended up writing a love letter…

(Notes: This is my final rec and it is the loveliest, sweetest, cavity-inducing-ist Sterek fic I have in this list. Our two lover-boys are in an an established relationship. This is exactly as it’s summary states. A love letter. An amazing love letter. An amazing love letter that I squeal over and have read several times. This is a new Derek that I haven’t found in another story, and I love him. Just… warm fuzzy feels all around and a must read. Over and over again. All of my love to this love letter, really.) 

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