What kind of parent Starrk would be (if Bleach is any indication)
As requested by anon. :)
Let’s say that Starrk has a kid (who is not secretly his alter ego and/or weapon) - based entirely on his character in Bleach, what kind of parent would he be?
1. He would be very relaxed about, well, everything.
Some parents are strict disciplinarians. Some parents want to be involved in everything their kid does. Some parents demand to know everything. Starrk would be none of those things.
Kid: Dad, I’ve decided to learn how to shoot guns.
Starrk: Sure. Seems like something that kids do.
Kid: Dad! I was testing your boundaries again. We’ve talked about this!
Starrk: Oh, right.
Starrk: Uh….remember to get to know your gun before you shoot it?
2. He would sleep at inopportune moments.
In Bleach, Starrk sure did nap a lot. And sure, that may have been because there seemed to be nothing to do in Hueco Mundo except dust your incredibly large palace, but even so. Parent Starrk would be prone to fall asleep when he shouldn’t.
Teacher: …and sometimes your child doesn’t seem to pay attention in class as much as…
Teacher: Is your dad asleep? During our parent-teacher conference??
Teacher: Suddenly you spacing out sometimes seems like a much less big deal.
3. He wouldn’t get angry.
I don’t recall Starrk ever getting angry, really. Sometimes he got more sad, but…
Kid: Uh, dad? I sorta took Wolfie out for a run in the woods and, well……now he’s completely covered in burrs.
Starrk: Well, you’ll have to shave him.
Starrk: Too bad, I guess.
Starrk: I read that you can make a cool coat out of dog hair.
Kid: I still think it’s weird that you want to dress like our pets.
Starrk: I think I’d look cool.
4. He wouldn’t be affected by tantrums.
Mostly he’d ignore them until they stopped, much as canon Starrk does with Lilinette.
Kid: DAD IF I DON’T GO TO THIS CONCERT I WILL LITERALLY DIE
Starrk: [still alseep]
Kid: DAD YOU NEED TO WAKE UP WHEN I AM HAVING EXISTENTIAL CRISES
5. He’d vet babysitters.
While Ukitake was “fighting” Lilinette, Kyoraku commented that Starrk seemed to be watching them pretty closely, like he was worried. In the real world, I think this would be equivalent to Starrk making sure to vet any babysitters for his kid. By secretly watching.
Babysitter: Okay! Well, your dad’s gone - what do you want to do? Color? Play a game? Have a s7nack?
Kid: [Looking over babysitter’s shoulder at the window, where Starrk’s head is visible peering in]
Kid: Yeah, gone, sure.
Babysitter: I don’t understand your tone, but that’s okay!
6. He’d never want to play games.
Starrk just feels like children’s games are dangerous, for some reason.
Kid: You’re cool with me using guns, but the moment I want to play tag, you say it’ll end in “fire, blood, and death”??
Starrk: You have no idea how deadly children’s games can be!
7. He wouldn’t be super involved.
In Bleach, Starrk didn’t like to get involved in things that didn’t concern him. Somehow I doubt that he’d, say, chaperon class field trips very often.
Starrk: Unless you go to the planetarium again. That was cool.
Kid: You slept through the show!
Starrk: It was nice.
8. Sometimes his kid would parent him.
In Bleach, Lilinette sometimes had to make Starrk get up and do his job. As a parent, it would be the same: sometimes Starrk’s kid would need to be the parent for Starrk.
Kid: WAKE UP IT’S TIME FOR WORK
Starrk: DO YOU HAVE TO USE A BUCKET OF WATER?!
9. He’d be bad at making friends himself.
As a parent, you sometimes gotta interact with other parents. Starrk wouldn’t be super great at that, because as much as he wants friends, Starrk always seems to end up as a loner.
Other parent: Hi!
Starrk: I think it’s cool that you don’t melt when I come near you. Wouldn’t that be awkward? If people melted when you got close to them?
Other parent: Uh…
Kid: DAD THERE ARE CUE CARDS IN YOUR POCKET
10. He’d want his kid to make friends.
But if there was one thing that Starrk would try to teach his kid, it would be the importance of friendship. Since Starrk does know how horrible loneliness can be.
Starrk: Listen, we all go through stages where we paint a face on our hand and it becomes our only friend.
Starrk: But when your only friend is yourself, you still feel lonely.
Starrk: So I guess what I’m trying to say is, you should definitely go to tennis camp.
Kid: Yeah…I already signed up.
Starrk: Oh okay. Cool.
Kid: …you’re all right, Dad.