Smile like an Idiot
Dammit, dammit, dammit. Quick, think fast, Baz. There must be a solution to this problem.
The blonde boy smiled at him and Baz’ knees got weak.
Are you kidding me?, Baz thought. Are you actually kidding me?
The guy that had lingered in the store for a few minutes now, unobtrusively observed by Baz, and now stepped towards him.
“Excuse me?”, he smiled politely. “I was wondering whether you could help me… buy a hairdryer.”
Hairdryer? Baz raised an eyebrow as he looked pointedly at the very short curly hair of the boy.
Cute, but weird.
“You dry your hair?”
no… Actually, I need this for Penny.”
Cute, but straight.
know, because me and my best friend live together, and I kind of
accidentally destroyed her hairdryer? And I need to get her a new one
before she gets home and yells at me.”
“How do you destroy a hairdryer? You didn’t drop it in water, did you?”
“How stupid do you think I am? I’m not an idiot. Or, actually… Ehm…”
“Spit it out.”
Baz heart rate sped concerningly up. Not only cute, but also freaking adorable.
“Well, I had sort of cut myself on a broken cat statue, as you do it sometimes, and I was bleeding on the sofa, so I got the hairdryer to clean the blood… As I’m thinking about it, could you perhaps help me get a cat statue and a new sofa, too?”
Baz smile got wider.
“Hm, I can’t help with you with the cat statue, but the sofa… Did you actually try to clean it with a hairdryer?”
I mean, it’s like water, isn’t it?”
The guy swallowed nervously as Baz burst out laughing.
“It really isn’t. You’d have to use cold water to start with. Believe me, I’ve had my experiences with blood.”
And why that is, you really don’t want to know.
you know the brand of the hairdryer?”
“Uh, no… I guess I was in a bit of a rush.”
“Man, you’re the worst at covering your traces. And can’t remove blood either! You’d be the worst criminal. Imagine you have to cover your tracks and you got blood on something that you need to replace. A knife, for instance. Not easy to clean off sometimes. Might have to get rid of it quickly and then you need to get a new one.”
getting some weird vibes of you there. Are you a killer or
“What if I were? Would you run?”
“No. You’re no killer anyways. What kind of killer works in a drug store?”
drug dealer, perhaps. Also, this is not a drug store. It’s a store
fulfilling all your everyday needs, didn’t you see the sign? But
actually, a killer like me works in a cheap store. Because he needs
the money to pay for college.”
Baz sighed shortly.
how did your friend’s hairdryer break then?”
“Turns out I’m not only extremely well at dropping cat statues but hairdryers, too, yeahy!”
Baz nodded and started to walk towards the aisle with the hairdryers.
Bloody cute guy with his stupid moles and stupid curls and stupid eyes and stupid smile. Merlin, that smile…
Baz thought about which hairdryer to recommend, when it dawned on him that, once the boy had bought it, he would leave and Baz would never see him again. Dammit, dammit, dammit. Think fast.
Then Baz remembered the broken hairdryer some girl had returned only yesterday. The girl had put it back in the original packaging. Baz would just have to give it to the boy and the boy would return…
But Baz, a voice in Baz’ head whispered. That’s an evil thing to do.
Well, I don’t give a shit, Baz snapped back in his head. I’m a Pitch, what did you expect? A bouquet of flowers? I don’t think so.
with the sweetest smile on his lips, Baz turned to the boy and said:
“Give me a second, I have just the thing you need.”
When the boy returned, Baz only felt a tiny bit guilty. But there was no other way to make him come back, was there? Asking him was not an option. If he wanted to get rejected, he’d ring his father.
So the next day, the guy came back. And he seemed a bit angry.
“Baz!”, he exclaimed and Baz knew he was in trouble. But when he saw the boy’s blue eyes, he knew that it was all worth it.
“You gave me specifically a hairdryer that didn’t work, didn’t you? I mean, you purposefully went back to get me this hairdryer. What reason do you have to hate me? I mean, I know that it was stupid, but what do you have against stupid people?”
Baz smiled amused. Time to come clean. Baz knew that this was the point where the cute guy would call him a creep and go buy a hairdryer in some other store, but Baz still smiled. Because for the first time in a very long time, Baz had fun. For the first time, there was no need to worry. Just light-hearted banter, nothing more. It was a nice break from all his concerns. So if anything, Baz wanted to thank the blonde boy.
Baz whispered, smiling a grateful smile. “I gave you a defective
item on purpose, so you had to come back… and I got to see you
The boy was speechless for a few seconds.
did that… Just so I would come back?”
Baz nodded silently. Now it was the boy who burst out laughing.
That’s really stupid. I mean, why didn’t you just ask? And I thought
I was the idiot.”
At this point, Baz was a bit angry.
“Don’t blame this on me, it’s not like you were going to say yes!”
Simon drew back a bit and smiled at Baz discreetly.
“What makes you think that?”
you surely have a girlfriend.”
look like you do.”
“I look like I do?”
The boy turned around, as if he wanted to go.
“No, wait!”, Baz called out. The boy turned back, wearing the biggest smile, and pushed a piece of paper into Baz’ hands.
“You wrote your number on a piece of paper before you came here?”
though you thought I hated you?”
“… kind of.”
“Yeah. I get it. We’re both stupid. Can we drop the subject now and plan a date? And oh, I’m Simon by the way.”
They grinned at each other. Baz felt a lot better suddenly. Perhaps the future wasn’t such a scary place now. And maybe working at this shop wasn’t so bad after all.