he looks sugar daddy oh god

Learning Curve

Summary: Stiles likes being Cora’s roommate, but he’s pretty sure her brother is hitting on him.

Notes: Inspired by this post. I’m not really into the sugar daddy thing, so I went a different direction with this. (On AO3)


Stiles is sitting at a picnic table in the shade, trying to get some studying done, when he hears someone calling his name. He looks up just in time to see Scott grin and say, “Hey, man!” as he sits down across from him.

Stiles smiles and shuts his book, eager for the chance to take a break.

“So, how’s it going?” Scott asks, leaning his arms on the table like he’s ready to settle in. “I know you were sad about having to move in with someone new, after I started living with Allison. So what’s it like, being roommates with Cora?”

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Guys My Age(Chanbaek)

Plot: Baekhyun prefers older guys versus guys his age. Because older guys are more experienced. Chanyeol is very experienced. 

Genre: Sex, age gap, young!Baek, older!Chan, hardcore sex, basically love and smut lmao

Warning: Don’t read if you are uncomfortable with age gaps! I’m telling you right now! 

(based off the song ‘Guys My Age’ by Hey Violet, listen while reading if you’d like!) 

Originally posted by baekhyunsama

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Roommates (Draco Malfoy)

Part 1

Summary: Reader finished Hogwarts and is now ready to live her life. But, she finds out that her roommate isn’t someone she would expect, Draco Malfoy.

A/N: This is an au, enjoy :). Also, I made the readers house Ravenclaw.

 MASTERLIST


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Little Ortiz

Requested by Anon. Hope you enjoy. Thank you for the request Darlin.


My first Juice imagine.



Throwing up for the tenth time in one hour, you were getting fed up with it and wanted answers. You had been sick for about two weeks and it was getting alittle old now. Juice was very concerned  and was begging you to go see a doctor but you just shrugged him off.
“Baby, you need to go to see a doctor. You cant keep anything down. I’m afraid for you, it could be a lot worse than you think and if it is we can get through it”.
“Juan I’m fine, I just have a bug or the flu”. You said wiping your mouth with a cool rag.
“The flu in July, yeah ok”. He said sarcastically
“Yea, you can get the flu any time of the year alright”. “Just..I need a mintue”. You said getting annoyed.
“Ok, I’ll be outside if you need me”. He kissed your head and closed the door".
Thats when another rush of nausea  hit you". “OH GOD I’m dying”.
You tried to remember if you had gotten around someone that was sick or if you’d had eaten something, then it clicked you hadn’t gotten your period for about a month and a half. Oh Shit you thought. You dashed to your room and looked for you cycle calendar. You were late, very very late.
You didn’t have any pregnancy test at home so you had to sneak to the store to get one.
“Juice I’m going to the store”. You grabbed your bag and walked to the door.
“If you need something I can get it, you don’t need to be going out”. He said walking behind you.
“Babe, I can go”. I need some girl things".
“What stuff that I can’t get for you”?
“Tampons Juice Tampons, I’m getting my period ok”.
He looked away and tried to hide the blushing of his red cheeks.“Oh umm ok”. He walked away

Walking in the store, you tried to look like you was just browsing the ale. You spotted the pregnancy test. There were so many. So you got one of each and jogged to the counter.
“Was this planned or a surprise”. The cashier asked
“Well I really don’t know yet, and if I am then a very big surprise”. You responded bitting your lip.
“If its positive, Congradulations and if its not maybe next time”. She smiled handing you your bag.
“Umm, can I use the restroom”?
“Sure thing , its in the back”.
“Thank you”.
Finding the bathroom, you peed on everyone and nervously looked over the box to make sure you did it correctly. They all said wait ten mintues.
TICK TICK TICK. You looked at the clock every second waiting for it to be done.
You took the test and waited in the car for the results.
It was time, you was so nervous. You and Juice never really talked about kids and if it happen, we we’re doing this together.
POSITIVE. They all read. Your heart skipped a beat. Tears flowing down your face. Oh God I’m pregnant.
How in the world was you going to tell him. You looked online to find ways of telling your spouse that you were pregnant.
You got a good idea and went back into the store. You found the candy alse. You got Baby Ruths, Sugar babies. The found baby carrots, Sweet Baby Rays BBQ sauce. Anything with baby in it.
“So I guess it was a surprise”. The cashier said
“Yeah, it was and hopefully he likes it”.
“He will”. She smiled
“Thank you”.
You drove home, ready to tell Juice he’s going to be a daddy.
“Juice, I’m home”. “Meet me in the bedroom”.  Yelling threw the house.
You walked down the hall to the bedroom and laid out everything on the bed so he could see it.
“Hey Honey, you feeling any better”?
“Much much better”. You said giving him a kiss.
“Looks like it, whats all this”. He said pointing to the items.
“It has a theme and you have to guess”.
“Well it looks like stuff that will make you throw up again”.
“Nope, guess again”.
“Ok, lets see. Its all sugar”?
“No Juice its not”.
“Huh, It all has baby in it so that could be…wait are you trying to tell me something”?
You pulled out all the pregnancy  test and gave them to him. His face was a slight smile with an opened mouth.
“Say something”.
“Umm.. So we are going to be parents then, wow”.
“Thats all”.
“Just a little shocked here, didn’t know that I could do that”.
“Juan, you did it. Your going to be a dad”. You said cupping his face and pressing your lips to his.
“I’m going to be a dad, WOAH. Theres going to be a little Juan Ortiz running around”.
“Or a little Y/N Ortiz running around, either way I’ll be happy”.
“What if theres two”. His eyes became big
“YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH RIGHT NOW ORTIZ”. You yelled.
“I’m kidding”. He said rubbing your belly as he put his ear up to listen.
“Listen kiddo, you need to stop giving your mommy a hard time and lay off the nausea.  Don’t make me ground you”.
“Oh Juice, Your so silly”.
“But you love me”. He said getting up and wrapping his arms around you.
“Yea, your right I do”.
“Good because I’m going to keep you and the baby safe and do everything that I can to give you everything you want in life”.
“Juan, all I want is you and this baby”. You kissed him deeply.
“Theres nothing that I can give you”?
“Well maybe, if its a girl than a boy but if its a boy than a girl next time”. You smiled
“I think I can do that, but what can I get you now”?
“Well my hormones are going crazy and I really want sex right now”.
“I definitely can do that”. He laughed as picked you up bridal style and carried you to the bedroom.
A new chapter was just beginning in the life of the Ortiz’s.


Feedback welcomed!

svt according to an ARMY friend

seungcheol: ‘his nostrils really flare out. they speak to me in a spiritual way. oh, also, his ears stick out.’

jeonghan: ‘his hair is okay i guess… it falls across his cheekbones.’

jisoo: ‘oh, your bias. he’s the youngest, right? no? um… idk… he just looks really squishy? he has pretty eyes, and feminine features, and a v-shaped chin.’

junhui: ‘eyebrows.’

soonyoung: ‘huh? wait this is confusing.’

wonwoo: ‘is he wearing eyeliner?’

jihoon: ‘he looks like the leader.’

seokmin: ‘he looks all smiley. two thumbs up. you know his life is good when he has two thumbs up. what a happy guy.’

mingyu: ‘ooh, he’s the hottest. he could suit a dark concept. honestly, he’s bae material. also he looks like a sugar daddy. is he the oldest?’

minghao: ‘bird’s nest hair. he looks like the oldest one. is he the oldest?’

vernon: ‘eyy vernon! swagmaster 3000.’

seungkwan: ‘eyy seungkwan! sassmaster 3000.’

chan: ‘FETUS!’


me: “so… who looks good together?”

her: “the sugar daddy and the happy one.”

me: “mingyu and seokmin… dude you think one of my otps look good together??? oh my god you think seokgyu looks good together i’m so happy”

her: “oh also… eyebrows and joshua”

me: “junshua… you’re a man of my heart honey”

anonymous asked:

I went shopping today n my bank account capped out at a pair of jeans and a necklace I'm a bROKE ASS BITCH n I was joking to my friend abt needing a sugar daddy to satisfy my clothing needs and then my fantasies spiraled and the point is now want Harry to be my sugar daddy so bad

KAKSKKBITCH SAMe!!!

It’d be so amazing oh my gOd.

Him going shopping with you because he likes to see the childish glee on your face when you find something you like. Helping you pick out certain outfits that you can’t decide on and even making a few combinations of his own that look surprisingly good.

Harry dragging you into VS and handing you bras to try on, slipping a couple of lace panties in there, pressing his lips to your forehead and your eyes lull closed at the tempting warmth of his soft skin. He whispers all low and cheeky.

“Can’t wait to rip these off you.”

For The Long Run - Part 18

New character introduction and a setup for some crazy shit…

(M/N) = Male Name
(Y/S/N) = Your Sister’s Name
(Y/F/N) (Y/L/N) = Your First Name Your Last Name

(GIF isn’t mine)
___________________

You were at the grocery store in town, talking and laughing with your sister. Telling her all the details of how you and Tig ended up together. Describing all the exciting but not threatening details about the club and TM. She cringed and wrinkled her nose when you told her about Chucky, both before and after the fake hands. You were spending more time talking than you were shopping and you knew your mom was going to fuss at you both for taking so long.

You were standing in the middle of the cereal aisle, nowhere near any item on your mom’s list, and you were flipping through your camera roll on your phone, showing (Y/S/N) pictures of the other guys. Happy, Piney, Clay, Juice… Chibs and Jax were her favorites. She had a thing for cute blondes and also nice accents. You were in the middle of showing her a video you took at one of the parties when you were interrupted.

“(Y/N)?… (Y/F/N) (Y/L/N)?  No way! I haven’t seen you in so long how have you been?!” arms were enveloping you before you could even form a response. It was (M/N) whose arms were around you, and you had not seen him since High School. He dated your then best friend and the two of you got along pretty well because of that, but otherwise you wouldn’t have spent any time with him; he was a bit of an ass growing up. He finally unleashed you and you took a step back, awkwardly smiling at him and speaking, “Hey, I’ve been good, just visiting from California, how about you?“

You talked for a few moments and he invited you to a get together that he was having for his birthday at a local bar tonight. You weren’t exactly up for seeing a bunch of people you used to know but your sister, the socialite, saw this as a golden opportunity to flex her barely legal wings, "We’ll be there, (M/N)!” she exclaimed.

“Okay, great! Well I better get going, I’ll be there at about 11, but bar’s open till 2.” he said walking backwards down the aisle away from you.

While you were busy reconnecting with old classmates, having a panic attack over your new plans for the night and bullshitting with your sister, Tig was having a panic attack of his own…



Tig looked down at the table before him.

“Look… I, uh… I don’t do shit like this often.  I, um.. I haven’t told (Y/N) I love her yet because I don’t want to scare her, but I do.” he struggled nervously.
“…And I know that you were disappointed when you saw her pull up with me. Why wouldn’t you be, I mean, look at me,” he inhaled deeply, knowing he needed to cut to the point, “I want to propose to (Y/N).”
He let out the breath, words finding him more easily now that he had gotten past the hard part. “Not today, not soon. Maybe a year or two from now, or maybe it won’t ever happen. But if I am gonna do it I want it right, and your opinion matters so much to her,” he looked at you parents but they were silent, so he kept speaking “….A-and like I said I’m not doin’ it soon so you don’t hafta’ answer now. Get back with me later this trip or once we’ve left and gone back to–”

“–Yes.”

Tig was interrupted in the middle of his rambling by your father. Stunned, he looked up, looking your mother and father in the eyes, “What?”

“He said yes, Tig,” your mom smiled, “and me too.” she said reaching her hand across the table and squeezing his hand.

His mouth was agape and he couldn’t breathe for a moment. He didn’t know what he expected but he didn’t expect a yes. Finding his voice, he spoke again…

“You guys, oh thank you,” he said standing up and walking around the table to hug both your mom and dad.

“Oh! Uh… Also, goes without saying but, please don’t tell her?”

Your mom nodded, just as you and your sister walked through the front door with hands full of plastic grocery bags.



With you and your sister back home and all the groceries on the list delivered, and dinner having been made and eaten, it was nearing time for you three to hit the bar. Your mom, of course, only allowed your sister to go because she begged and you promised to look after her.

Just as you all were walking out of the door, Tig’s phone rang. He grabbed your hand, stilling you as your sister continued to her car.

“Yeah?” he answered it.
“Uhh… yeah. Yeah how long you need? Alright hold on a sec,” he pulled the phone down from his ear. “You guys go ahead, text me the address, yeah?” he pulled you to him and kissed you, leaning to your ear, “Club business babe, gonna take a while. I’ll catch up.”
You nodded and headed to your sister’s car, texting the address of the bar to Tig.


You and your sister arrived at the bar and walked inside to find a lot of unfamiliar faces. You felt thankful. You weren’t exactly feeling up to a high school reunion tonight. You had been strong-armed into going in the first place by (Y/S/N). You both pulled stools up to the bar and sat down, while you ordered a whiskey and Coke. Your high school friend from the grocery store spotted you and walked over, starting another conversation and sitting down beside you. As time dragged along you realized that nobody else had showed up for his party and you started to get a weird feeling about being there. He had ordered you each another drink and even though you refused, he insisted, so you accepted it. Your sister had gone off to dance with some guy so you were keeping an eye on her while (M/N) was just jabbering on.

“Where are the party guests?” you interrupted him.
“Huh?” he responded.
“The party guests. For the party. That you invited us to.”
“Oh.” he smiled a sleazy smile,  "I lied, I’m sorry, I just wanted to get you out. Loosen you up. You seemed so edgy at the store.“ he admitted, reaching out and brushing your arm.
"I have a boyfriend,” you blurted.
“Of course you do. Pretty girl like you,” his hand slid over your thigh and you jerked away from his touch, “but he isn’t here right now, and what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him, so relax.” he spewed and continued what he was saying before you interrupted him. You tuned him out, scanning the crowd for your sister so you could leave. Instead of finding her face, you found Tig’s. He had just walked in, dressed in black from head to toe as per the norm, the kutte on his back making him look more threatening.

“Babe,” he said approaching you and the slimeball next to you, “can I talk to you for a minute?” he asked, gently clutching your upper arm. You smiled with relief and nodded to him, thankful that he was taking you away from (M/N).
That smile quickly faded as another hand gripped your other arm, “Excuse me, bro. Can’t you see she’s occupied? Besides, she isn’t interested in you.”

Horror was written all over your face as you heard the words escape his mouth. Would Tig believe you were here rekindling old flames, or starting new ones while his back was turned.

Tig smiled his, ‘I’m about to kick some ass’ smile before locking eyes with the aggressive suitor whose hand was wrapped around your left arm. Tig never broke eye contact as he placed his hand over the other man’s hand and peeled his fingers off of you and pushed the hand back. He pulled you behind him, stepping in front of you to conceal you, still never breaking eye contact with (M/N).
“Touch her again.” Tig dared him, glaring.
(M/N) sidestepped Tig so he could look at you. Chuckling, he finally put it together, “Is this- is this your boyfriend?” he laughed.
Tig tensed and you placed your hand on his back, “Tig, don’t,” you breathed where only he could hear you.

“Oh dear God you’ve got to be kidding me, what is he a sugar daddy? Grand Daddy bike rider, what even is this bullshit.” he grabbed Tig’s kutte at the shoulder pulling it up to emphasize his point.

Tig turned his head from side to side, cracking the vertebrae in his neck, his jaw clenched so tightly you were afraid he might break a tooth. You flinched as he swiftly grasped a handful of the loudmouthed snob’s hair and walked out the door, dragging him along behind him as (M/N) struggled against him.

(Y/S/N) came rushing up to you, “What just happened?!” she yelled.

“We gotta go, (Y/S/N), we gotta go now,” you said running towards the door

Trial and Tribulations *G Imagine*

When you’re a teenager,you make stupid mistakes. Yours was having a one night stand with Jack Gilinsky. It was just some innocent fun, and you truly thought you would never see him again. This thought remained with you, until you realize you were pregnant and it was Jack’s baby. The thought of giving up your baby for adoption, or even aborting it, made you sick to your stomach. You knew those two weren’t an option, so your only choice was to keep it.

Your baby girl, Brooklyn, was the best thing you could ask for. Co parenting with Jack was only easy when your emotions weren’t in the mix. There were times where you and Jack fooled around, but you knew it wouldn’t be serious. Things with you and Jack were always flirty. It made you feel like you could have a perfect little family. Things with you and Jack were perfect, that’s until Madison came into the picture.

You’ve heard many things about her, but couldn’t care enough to get to know her. You had a gut feeling that she would just be Jack’s flavor of the week and he would come back to you, but you were surely wrong. You realized that, to Jack, you were nothing more than a booty call and the mother of his child. With him spending time with Madison, you guys had to come up with a scheduled time when he can have Brooklyn. You were pretty chill with him getting her, but you only had two rules. One, there can not be any smoking around her, and two Madison can’t be near your daughter. Jack understood your rules, and followed them for the most part.

Today, you were dropping Brooklyn off at Jack’s house. You both agreed that he can have her for the weekend, because you were in need of a break.


“Brook, babes hurry up. We wanna get to you’re dad’s on time.”, you yell up to your daughter.

Running down the stairs, your four year old daughter approaches you.

“Mama, can you fix my bow?”, she says playing in her hair.

“Sure baby,” you say fixing her hair “ you excited to see your daddy and your uncles?” You ask her.

“Yeah and daddy’s girlfriend is going to be there too. She told me she’s going to be my step mommy.”

You were beyond pissed hearing your daughter say this. In all reality, you wanted to go to Jack’s house and key his car. You were highly civil with him. You weren’t overbearing and only had two rules for him. You just stayed calm for the sake of Brooklyn, but when you see Jack there’s going to be a few words for him.

“Um okay baby. Let’s get you in the car.”

You rush and throw everything into the car. You were very eager to get to Jack, and curse him out. During the car ride, Brooklyn entertained you with stories from school. She was so bright and happy she almost made you forget about Jack and his drama. Upon pulling up to the house, you were still a little pissed with him.

“Okay Brooke, let’s go” you say opening her car door.

She runs up the front steps, and bangs on the door with her tint fists. Jack opens the door with a huge smile in his face

“Oh my God, it’s a princess on my door step.”, he says dramatically, while picking up Brooklyn. “Oh and look we have Queen y/n blessing us with her presence.”

You just scowl at Jack.

“Brooke babe go see your uncles. I need to talk your daddy.“ You say staring G straight in the face.

Brooklyn runs off to go and see the guys. The image of the threshold is you with your hands on your hips and G staring innocently.

“I’m not gonna sugar coat shit. Why the fuck is your girlfriend around my daughter saying that she’s going to be her step mommy?”

“Listen y/n Mads and I are getting serious and I want my daughter to be around her. There’s not really much you can do about it.”

"Jack I only have two rules for when you see Brook, and if you can’t follow them then we can have the court situate this.”

“Yeah and I’m pretty sure the court will think you’re being stupid. So, you can get in your little car and drive away. Brooklyn is my daughter too and if I want Madison in her life then so be it.”

At this point, you weren’t mad or upset. You were just done and over Jack. You couldn’t believe that you actually had feelings for him. You now knew that you were nothing to him, besides Brooklyn’s mom. You turn to walk away from the house, letting Jack think he won.

“Hey Jack,” you turn towards him “I’m pretty sure the court would love to hear you’re boning a minor. So my point may be stupid, but you may get arrested. I’ll see you in court then.”

You get in your car, and leave Jack stunned and pissed. You weren’t going to have a some little girl be the step mother to your child. At this point, you wanted to get even with Jack. Don’t think he can play with your feelings and get away with it.

Mordecai's Love Life Abridged - The Thrilling Saga
  • Mordecai: *sees Margaret*
  • Mordecai: HOLY S HTI I C ANNOT BREA THE SHE SMOKIN HOT
  • Rigby: Go ask her out! She seems nice...
  • Mordecai: lol wut
  • Rigby: Go ask lady pecs out
  • Mordecai: You kiddin me, I ain't doin that shit
  • Rigby: UGHHHGHGHGHGGHGHGH
  • *five episodes later*
  • Mordecai: Alright, imma do it. I'm gonna do it
  • Margaret: Hey dude wassup?
  • Mordecai: Do you wanna... fuck.
  • Margaret: WHAT?!
  • Mordecai: Nevermind NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE *runs back to Rigby*
  • Rigby: Dude!
  • Mordecai: I tried man, I really did try
  • *he eventually makes up with Margaret and hangs around with her for four seasons not getting anywhere*
  • Mordecai: I'm gonna kiss that hot piece of shit
  • Rigby: Oh lord...
  • Mordecai: it'll be easy!
  • Rigby: DO IT OR YOU'LL HAVE TO WEAR A DIAPER
  • Mordecai: wtf
  • Rigby: DO IT FOR THE VINE
  • Mordecai: Ughhhhhhhhhhh
  • Margaret: What's this shit I'm hearing about a bet?
  • Mordecai: No.
  • Margaret: FUCK YOU MORDECAI. FUCK YOU. *runs off*
  • Mordecai: Noooooooooooooooo!!!!
  • Margaret: Oh you want me to save your sorry little ass from freezing to death? Tell me how you REALLY feel about me.
  • Mordecai: OKAY FINE I LIKE YOU, OKAY?
  • Margaret: *nearly kisses him*
  • Margaret: Fuck you you piece of shit
  • *a few episodes later*
  • Eileen: HORY SHIT GUYS A FUCKIN METEOR SHOWER IS GONNA HIT THIS TOWN WITH A BANG *inside her head* hello Rigby you rabie-filled hottie.
  • Mordecai: Cool! I'll be there.
  • Rigby: ACTUALLY DO IT THIS TIME YOU WUSS.
  • *meteor shower hits*
  • Mordecai: Uhhhhhhhhhhh
  • Rigby: DO IT.
  • Mordecai: Stahp im emotionally unstable
  • Old potato guy: Bruh
  • Mordecai: Ughhhhh. Yo Margaret you wanna kiss?
  • *makes out*
  • Margaret: That was a great meteor shower (what the fuck just happened)
  • *dates for awhile*
  • Mordecai: Yo Margaret
  • Margaret: Goin' to college! Fuck you.
  • *loud emotional crying from Mordecai*
  • CJ: Hey Mordecai, I'm a cool ass cloud that puts up with zero shit, have all the same interests as you, and I kill people. You wanna date?
  • Mordecai: gee, I don't know, you're pretty cool, but-
  • Rigby: DO NOT.
  • Mordecai: Fine.
  • CJ: sick
  • *hangs out for awhile*
  • Eileen: GO ON A FUCKIN DATE ALREADY
  • Mordecai and CJ: wut
  • Eileen: DO IT.
  • Mordecai: Fine, u down fo dis CJ?
  • CJ: sure
  • *date than ends with drama and Mordecai and CJ becoming canon*
  • Mordecai: I luv this cloud
  • Rigby: STAHP
  • Mordecai: What?!
  • Rigby: SPEND MORE TIME WIT ME
  • Mordecai: ... bruh
  • Rigby: UGHHHHHHHHHHHHH
  • *a few months later*
  • Margaret: Surprise bitch
  • Mordecai: THE FUCK
  • Margaret: I bet you thought you'd seen the last of me
  • Mordecai: No. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
  • CJ: Hey Morde-
  • Mordecai: Shut the fuck up
  • CJ: What?
  • Margaret: Hey CJ!
  • CJ: Hi, I'm Mordo's bitch now
  • Margaret: WAT
  • Mordecai: I, ummmm
  • Margaret: No, it's cool! You need to be happy!
  • Mordecai: thx
  • *hug*
  • Mordecai: I AIN'T LETTIN GO OF YOU
  • Margaret: ME EITHER
  • *makes out*
  • CJ: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK
  • Mordecai: well shit
  • Margaret: oh...
  • *runs out crying*
  • Mordecai: NO PLZ FORGIVE ME
  • Eileen: Dis bitch is now my roommate. fuck you.
  • Margaret: you done fucked up Mordecai
  • Mordecai: ...
  • Mordecai: i fucked up. fuck
  • *the next day*
  • Mordecai: what up cj
  • CJ: why the did you invite me to this shithole of a coffee shop
  • Mordecai: idk what happened
  • CJ: Bitch plz
  • Mordecai: Here's a bunch of butt-shaped gifts
  • CJ: OH MY GOD I FORGIVE YOU I FUCKIN LOVE BUTTS
  • Margaret: IM GOIN TO CALL MORDY AT THE WRONG FUCKING TIME. YO MORDY
  • CJ: who the fuck is this bitch
  • Mordecai: The bitch I kissed
  • CJ: FUCK YOU ASSHOLE.
  • *more sad music*
  • Mordecai: fuck you margaret... fuck you...
  • Sad Sax Guy: IF YOU HAVIN GURL PROBLEMS I FELL BAD FO YOU SON I GOT 99 PROBLEMS BUT A BITCH AINT ONE
  • Mordecai: shut up and help me cj fuckin hates my guts
  • Sad Sax Guy: Get the bitch you kissed here
  • Mordecai: Fine
  • *at the park*
  • Mordecai: Wut up bitch
  • Margaret: I don't want to get involved even though I should have stopped you from kissing me but I went along with it anyway, so fuck you.
  • Mordecai: You're a good friend
  • *hugs*
  • CJ: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME
  • Mordecai: goddammit...
  • Sad Sax Guy: Lol just put up a bunch of cheap-ass performances fo her
  • Mordecai: thanks lmao
  • CJ: is this a fuckin joke
  • Mordecai: Yo up Cee- *gets hit by bus*
  • CJ: JESUS CHRIST ARE YOU OKAY
  • Mordecai: Yeah, thing is.... are you?
  • CJ: Feelin' great *slaps him on head with board* bye asshole
  • Rigby: Are you insane?!
  • Mordecai: lol wut
  • Rigby: STAHP LISTENING TO A WEIRD SHIRTLESS GUY WHO PLAYS THE SAXOPHONE FOR SOME WEIRD REASON
  • Mordecai: Ugh.
  • Sad Sax Guy: Go to your older bitch's house
  • Mordecai: You mean my mom's?
  • Sad Sax Guy: ...
  • *goes to mom's house*
  • Mordecai's Mom: You done fucked up Mordecai
  • Mordecai: I KNOW. HELP ME.
  • Mordecai's Mom: Sway her in.
  • Mordecai: Fine.
  • *goes outside*
  • Mordecai: Rigby, tell dis bitch to look outside
  • Rigby: Look outside
  • CJ: Awwwwwww...
  • *at hospital*
  • CJ: Why the fuck did you kiss that bitch
  • Mordecai: I HAD FEELZ FOR MARGARET AND SEEING HER BROUGHT DOS FEELZ BACK I'M SORRY PLEASE TAKE ME BACK IT WAS MY FAULT.
  • CJ: Fine.
  • *makes out*
  • Sad Sax Guy: Happy holidays, asshole.
  • *a month later*
  • Eileen: YOU GUYZ WANNA SEE SOME FUCKIN SEA TURTS
  • CJ, Mordecai, and Rigby: sure
  • Eileen: YO MARGARET YOU WANNA SEE
  • CJ: no
  • Eileen: wat
  • CJ: NO.
  • Eileen: Oh. Right.
  • *in the car*
  • CJ: you had to kiss dat bitch didnt u mordecai
  • Mordecai: I HAD FEELZ FOR HER I'M SORRY FO DA LAST TIME.
  • *drama with spa shit happens*
  • CJ: Goddammit.
  • *calls Margaret*
  • Margaret: YOOOOOOO CHECK OUT THESE ASSHOLES USIN' TURTLES FO THEIR SPA SHIT, HOW DA FUCK DO YOU FEEL ABOUT ANIMAL CRUELTY?
  • *a bunch of shit goes down*
  • Eileen: THX MARGARET FO SAVING OUR ASS
  • CJ: I called her u know...
  • Eileen: CJ AWWWWWWWWWW
  • *group hug with margaret*
  • CJ: bitch what the fuck do u think you're doing
  • Margaret: #awkward
  • Eileen: SHUT UP AND HUG ME
  • CJ: i came to have a good time and im honestly feeling so attacked right now
  • *a month later*
  • Mordecai: HOLY SHIT A PARTY IS GOIN DOWN AT DAT OTHER BITCH'S HOUSE. YO C-
  • CJ: lol no i'd rather pick up garbage than do that
  • Rigby: Oh right, because-
  • Mordecai: Shut the fuck up Rigby. Look, I'll get u some of dat cake cause u a bae.
  • CJ: THANK YOU MORDECAI *hugs*
  • Mordecai: *sees Margaret*
  • Mordecai: NOPE *runs into bathroom*
  • Rigby: dude... what the fuck...
  • Mordecai: I AIN'T FUCKIN ANYTHING UP IN HERE
  • Rigby: bruh...
  • Mordecai: Fine...
  • Margaret's Dad: YO DIAPER BOY I GOT A SEAT IN THE HELI FO YA YOU WANNA RIDE WIT DA FAM?
  • Mordecai: shit
  • *goes onto helicopter*
  • Margaret: How's the park? :)
  • Mordecai: FUCK HER RIGHT IN DA PUSSY
  • Margaret: stahp acting weird oh my god...
  • Mordecai: I HAVE TO U DON'T UNDERSTAND
  • CJ: lol so some bitch got burned by a river and... what the fuck is my bitch doing with that bitch...
  • Mordecai: oh no. don't.
  • CJ: GOD FUCKING DAMMIT MORDECAI I AM DONE TRUSTING YOU YOU PIECE OF GODDAMN BIRD SHIT YOU CAN GO SUCK ON MARGARET'S EGGS FOR ALL I CARE *rages*
  • Mordecai: NO STAHP I'VE BEEN TELLIN YOU A HUNDRED FUCKIN TIMES I AM NOT WIT THIS BITCH ANYMORE
  • CJ: LIAR
  • *almost kills Margaret's parents*
  • Margaret: MOMMMMMMMMMMMM DADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
  • Margaret's parents: well fuck u wanna do a mannonball into the pool
  • *lands*
  • CJ: RAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWR *knocks Margaret off helicopter*
  • Margaret: I HAVE A BAE LITERALLY CALM THE FUCK DOWN CJ
  • Mordecai: lol wut
  • Margaret's dad: lol wut
  • CJ: lol wut
  • Margaret's Boyfriend: lol hi guyz wut up
  • Margaret: SO SHUT THE FUCK UP THEN
  • Mordecai: thank god *lands helicopter*
  • CJ: *cries*
  • Mordecai: yo bitch i got u cake
  • CJ: you might as well take that cake and shove it up my ass mordecai
  • Mordecai: lol ok
  • CJ: IT's A FIGURE OF SPEECH YOU MORON
  • Mordecai: oh
  • CJ: I FUCKED UP. I ALMOST KILLED DIS BITCH'S PARENTS-
  • Margaret: will u please stop referring to me as "bitch"
  • CJ: ANNNNNNYWAAAAYYYS I ALMOST KILLED THEM ALL OVER NOTHING
  • Mordecai: yeah u did that....
  • CJ: I HAVE TO LEAVE I'M HAVING FEELZ
  • *CJ runs off as "You Give Love a Bad Name" by Bon Jovi plays in the background*
  • *a few months later*
  • Margaret: zzzzzzzzz HOLY FUCK oh my god *shoves head on couch* EILEEN GET YOUR MOLE ASS IN HERE
  • Eileen: oh god not this shit again
  • Margaret: I don't actually have a bae! I made the whole thing up so CJ wouldn't kick my ass! WHAT DO I DO
  • Eileen: Tell the truth?
  • Margaret: bitch pls
  • *knocking on door*
  • Eileen: you know that bitch that almost killed your parents? well, she's here
  • Margaret: OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE *opens the door*
  • CJ: Hey, Margaret! :3
  • Margaret: Hey, uh, CJ...
  • CJ: Look I'm sorry for pretty much the whole time that I've known you with killing your parents, destruction and all that other shit, but can we get to know each other a little bit? You can bring your bae if you want!
  • Margaret: KEWL
  • CJ: Awesome! *leaves*
  • Margaret: OH MY FUCKING GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE
  • Eileen: Get Del here
  • Margaret: YO DEL CAN YOU PRETEND TO BE MY SUGAR DADDY FOR THE DAY
  • Del: lol sure
  • Margaret: RIGBY COME UP WITH A SCRIPT
  • Rigby: k
  • Del: *literally fucks everything up*
  • CJ: he cool
  • Margaret: ikr
  • Del: how you guys doing (ohhhhh dis is da best ass ive felt all my life)
  • Margaret: good I guess (get your fucking meat sticks off my ass)
  • Margaret: YOU'RE FUCKING EVERYTHING UP
  • Del: i know
  • Margaret: RIGBY DEL IS-
  • Rigby: fuck u bitch *hangs up*
  • Mordecai: i like del. hes pretty cool
  • Margaret: lol yeah
  • Mordecai: :>
  • Margaret: (oh my god mordecai's adorable as shit) DEL IS NOT ACTUALLY-
  • Bar: LOL HERE COMES A FUCKIN KISS CAM TO LITERALLY FUCK EVERYTHING UP. AND NOW LET'S "COINCIDENTALLY" POINT IT TOWARDS MARGARET AND DEL TROLOLOLOLOLOLOL
  • Margaret: oh god i have to kiss this ass pincher
  • Del: come on gimme a kiss
  • Margaret: NO GO FUCK YOURSELF
  • Audience: shit
  • CJ: im sorry what the fuck did you just say
  • Margaret: HE'S NOT ACTUALLY MY BAE I MADE THE WHOLE THING UP SO YOU WOULDN'T KILL ME
  • CJ: lol that's fine except you fuckin lied to me u bitch.
  • Margaret: i know...
  • CJ: YOU HAVE FEELZ FOR MORDECAI DON'T YOU? YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME BUT I'M PUTTING YOU ON THE SPOT SO YOU KINDA HAVE TO
  • Margaret: OKAY FINE I DO JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY
  • Mordecai: oh fuck no
  • CJ: fuck u bitch
  • *storms out*
  • Margaret: Morde-
  • Mordecai: NO WAIT DON'T LEAVE ME HERE IN THIS AWKWARD SITUATION
  • Margaret: fuck

anonymous asked:

can Chanyeol be my sugar daddy already ??? idec if he spends a lot of money on me or not ................... i'll just give him as much sex as he wants because my body craves him ,,,,, oh God. I can't even look at another man , fuck I'll let ONLY him screw me however he likes

SHIT THIS T H O - Admin Jae

                                                              Listen to her lust                             
                                                          This is how hell forms
                                                     This is how a storm begins
                                                      This is how trouble’s born
                        
                              You’ve given birth to terrible things, watch them unveil
                                     
                                                         Oh god he looks so dumb
                                      What are you staring at? This is how it’s done

                                             I will define for you, the meaning of greed 
                              This is the only way dirty girls stay clean.

                                          indie/semi-selective catherine
                                                           penned by dara

Sugar Daddy

because i saw the post by chibiyay and i had to write it
warning: taemin is underage

Taemin smirks as he walks into school with his new white gold watch. It shines in the sun, and the twinkle of the gold looks so good against his wrist. Jinki bought it for him yesterday, and he knows Kai will be all over it the second he sees it. Too bad for Kai, Taemin’s the only one with a Jinki. He walks up to his locker, his shiny new watch glistens in the light as he puts in the combination for his lock, and he admires it again for a second before he pulls out his history notebook.

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4

➸ ➸ ➸ ➸ ➸

Sebastian gave you a stern look as he walked into the room, “What are you doing?” He asked. You looked at him confused, “… Schoolwork?” You said in confusion. He shook his head, making a ‘tsk’ sound.

“We have plans.” He said with a smirk. “What?” You asked. He pulled two tickets to DisneyLand from behind his back. Your eyes widened, “Oh my God! Really?!” You squealed, running into his arms.

Your face suddenly dropped, “Ugh, why are you doing this to me you know I have to finish this project.” You groaned, looking up at him. “You know you’ll pass (Y/N), even if you don’t, I can fulfill that dream of being your sugar daddy.” He joked with a wink.

You rolled your eyes, pushing him, “Whatever you say.” You said with a grin. “So is that a yes?” He asked. “To what, going to DisneyLand or you being my Sugar Daddy?” You asked, earning a chuckle from him. “DisneyLand.” He said. You nodded with a sigh, “I guess so.” You said.

After turning in your tickets, you and Sebastian wandered through the park, “Any rides in mind?” He asked. You took a look around, “How about the 'Mad Tea Party’?” You asked, turning to him. He shrugged, “If I puke on you blame yourself.” He joked, making you giggle.

He held your hand as you both entered the ride, sitting across from each other. You placed your hands on the spinning plate as everyone else boarded the ride. You grinned, “Maybe this wasn’t the best idea.” You said with a smile. “Don’t vomit before the ride even starts babe.” He teased.

The ride was a blast, speaking for itself, you two spun around at a fast speed in the teacup. Afterwards you stumbled out of the cup, giving Sebastian a glare, “What did I do?” He asked with a laugh. “… You should’ve said no.” You grumbled as he pulled you into his side. He kissed the top of your head, as well as your nose, “Will an ice cream cone make you forgive me?” He asked. You simply nodded as he led you to the ice cream stand.

Time passed slowly, which you were grateful for, knowing the sooner you got home, the sooner you’d have to face your school project. You heard Sebastian gasp, before you could ask questions he led you to what you recognized as the familiar Disney castle portrayed in the beginning of their many movies.

“There’s fireworks scheduled tonight.” He said, looking down at you with a smile. You looked between him and the castle, resting your gaze on him, “You’re amazing Sebastian.” You said with a smile. “I know right?” He said sarcastically, earning a push from you.

You two sat on a stone platform that gave you an amazing view of the sky, it wasn’t the most comfortable seat, so you found yourself sitting in Sebastian’s lap instead. The firework show started, pink and purple like stars were set off into the dark sky.

You felt Sebastian kiss your shoulder, you turned to him, getting a peck on the lips. You smiled, “Thank you. For all of this Sebastian.” You said. He took your hand in his, “Thanks for being here.”

im cryinhbg & angry cuz louis

idk i just love louis a lot and like i respect ya’ll and your faves but lets be so real there are just so many moments that louis has put me in a coma so imma just show you 0.000000000001% of the maJESTIC PIXIE SEX NUGGET that is louis tomlinson.  & just so we’re clear his cheekbones slay all your faves

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“Sugar Daddies” - Chris/Darren/Will

Backstage at the Belasco + evening at Darren’s threesome sexy times.

Poly!verse Masterpost

There’s a brief window of time after his post-show shower when Darren is able to snag a few minutes of extended privacy before the stage manager bullies him into a nap.  If he’s sneaky, he can widen that window for personal reasons, and this afternoon his reason comes in the form of a pair of very heavily disguised boyfriends.  Chris and Will are wearing hats, scarves, and sunglasses, which allowed them to remain unidentified sitting in the second row while not being exactly out of place at the same time; the air-conditioning in the Belasco runs cold enough to excuse bundling up a bit.  Darren has no clue how they pulled it off, really; even when he draped himself across their laps during Sugar Daddy and whispered “hey, Sugar Daddy” in Will’s ear before he licked it, no audience member was the wiser.

The image they present dressed like this backstage, however, is fucking hilarious.  Despite the fact that they haven’t seen each other in person for almost two months (and Skype is such a poor substitute), Darren has to cackle and point when they shuffle into his dressing room.

“You look fucking ridiculous.”

“Says the guy wearing the kimono,” Chris drawls.

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These Lovely Years (3/?)

Prompt : ‘Cookies’


Felicity arrived home from work with a sigh of relief. She was finally going to be able to take off her shoes and take a nice shower after sweating all day in her office at the precinct.

Star City had been struck with a heat wave lately, and that probably also explained the sight that greeted her when she stepped into the kitchen.

Oliver and Millie were both in their underwear - boxer briefs for Oliver and pale green panties for Millie - and both of them, but especially the little girl, were covered in cookie dough from head to toe.

The 3 year old spotted her and let out a more enthusiastic than usual squeal. “Mommy!! We made cookies!!”

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