he looks like a hockey player idk

bitty, the only good LAX bro, decides to join a frat

“Dude, what the fuck is that smell?”


Ransom, Holster, and Shitty paused on the sidewalk just outside the Haus. Holster sniffed the air, nose raised like a bloodhound on the hunt. Shitty and Ransom stared at him, bemused. 

“The LAX frat,” Holster clarified after a moment, eyes narrowing. “It smells…like love.”

To reiterate my earlier statement,” Shitty said, arms crossed. “What?”

I think I smell it,” Ransom said turning his head towards the LAX house. “Is that…peach?” 

“Arsenic smells like peach, doesn’t it?” Holster asked, eyes bugging hysterically. 

“Nah, that’s almonds, brah,” Shitty said easily. “But if you’re worried…”

Holster was already across the street. Ransom sighed and looked at Shitty. “If they run out of chicken tenders before we get there, you’re buying me McDonald’s.”

“Sure, sure,” Shitty said, and they crossed the street to follow Holster in his mission. When they caught up to him, he was staring in a first-floor window of the house, mouth agape. Shitty and Ransom squeezed in next to him, eyes growing wide as they looked inside. 

The kitchen of the LAX frat – once even more disgusting than their own – was spotless. Beyonce played softly from someone’s iPhone and the smell of cooking peaches and sugar and butter wafted from the open window. 

In the middle of it all was a dude – a LAX bro, probably – washing bowls and pans and a cutting board, singing along to the music. He had a sweet face and wore a faded MCHS FOOTBALL t-shirt that stretched too tight over his shoulders and arms. 

“He doesn’t seem evil,” Ransom said, realizing too late he’d spoken aloud. The guy turned, startled, and dropped several, soapy measuring cups to the ground. 

“Oh!” He said. “Um. Hi?”

“Shits, you’re pre-law,” Holster said, tapping his chin. “Is kidnapping someone illegal if you’re saving them from the lacrosse team?”

“IDK, man,” Shitty said seriously. “That’s kind of a gray area.” 

The guy frowned and stooped to pick up the measuring cups. “Can you wait until this pie’s cooked before any…kidnapping happens? I cannot abide a burnt pie.”

“Can we have pie?” Ransom asked, eyes hopeful. The guy smiled. 

“Well, of course! Unless you’re on the hockey team,” he joked. “I’m not supposed to talk to hockey players.” 

“Uhh…” Ransom and Holster exchanged a look. 

“Do we look like hockey players?” Shitty asked with a snort. “We’re clearly…um…in a frat?”

“Yeah,” Ransom chimed in. “Delta…Epsilon…Faber.”

“DEF, yeah, that’s us,” Holster agreed. “You should, uh, consider us during Rush next week.” 

“Oh, cool,” the guy said, grinning. “I’m Eric, by the way. Or Bittle, that’s what my teammates call me.” 

“Nice, we’re uh…Adam, Justin, and…B,” Ransom said carefully. “The brothers of Delta Epsilon Faber. At your service.” 

Eric grinned at them, sunny and sweet, and waved a hand. “Well, come on in. There’ll be enough pie for everyone, and y’all can tell me all about DEF while we wait for it to finish.” 

The hockey boys exchanged a look, then quickly scrambled to the front door. Some men were led to poor decisions by thinking with their “downstairs brains;” they, however, made all of their mistakes while thinking with their stomachs. 

anonymous asked:

simon loof is swedish and so pretty wtf

I feel like Swedish things just exist to make the rest of the world look bad. Swedish hockey players? Gorgeous. 

swedish furniture? classic, elegant, chic.

swedish horses? stunning. gorgeous color, markings, movement, and hardworking.

swedish dogs? what even IS this? the cutest dog ever? a German shepherd mixed with a corgi? the two greatest dog breeds in one? idk but i love it. 

swedish food? simply amazing.

what CANT sweden do? even their economy is doing really well right now. Sorry this didn’t have much to do with Simon Loof. But my point is that he and the rest of sweden are WONDERFUL. I’m not attractive enough to live there, but i would certainly like to visit one day😁

anonymous asked:

Lol why is your tag for Jamie Benn "beautiful Canadian cow"? 🐄🐮🐄

Well. A long while back (when I was very new to the fandom), my friend sent me a link to a tumblr post, which I sadly didn’t reblog and have hunted for but can’t find. The post was a screencap of a tweet which read something along the lines of: ‘idk how to explain it, but Jamie Benn looks like a beautiful baby cow’, and an illustrative gif of his big dumb cow eyes.

Happy Cow:

Originally posted by flyersphiladelphia

Concentrating Cow:

Originally posted by gfhockey

Sad Cow:

Originally posted by jlzimmermannn

Bored Cow? Cow chewing the cud?

Originally posted by bennyandthestars

I got super distracted in my search by his face, but basically if you squint he looks precisely like the most beautiful of baby cows.

Auston Matthews #7

This is for you Shea-gropp. This is something we talked about after the Jets game. Hope I don’t disappoint. :) 

Disclaimer: I have nothing against Patrik Laine or the Jets. Real prompt below:

Ok idk if you heard but apparently at tonight’s leafs/jets game, the arena started chanting “laine’s better” after laine scored his first nhl goal. I was wondering if you could write an Auston Matthews imagine about the gf being at the game and witnessing the chant and cheering him up  (idk if he even reacted at all but we can pretend he was sad) after the game like meeting him outside the locker room and driving home with him and having to convince him that he’s an amazing hockey player and reminding him how many goals he scored in his first nhl game. 

Word count: 1,193 (Guys I was so emotional writing this huhuhu IDK why. If I were the GF, I’d probably react the same way)

Originally posted by welshhockeyfan

If someone would tell you that you’re not trying hard enough to school your features, that you actually look like you really wanna punch someone in the face – because honest to goodness you really freaking do – you would probably poke that person in the eye. Seriously. You won’t regret it.

As Patrik Laine took to the ice once more, the sea of Winnipeg blue started to chant again…

“Laine is better!”

“Laine over Matthews!”

“Laine is better!”

“Patrik! Patrik! Patrik!”

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