THE REST OF YOUR LIFE | BEN PLATT
BEN PLATT X READER
SUMMARY: Y/N and Ben are finally trying to tell each other how they feel- it just takes a little more effort and time than expected.
A/N: in honor of ben winning his tony !!! this is my first time writing for a deh cast member and tbh it makes me really nervous but i hope you guys like this !! it was originally longer but the whole got deleted so i had to rewrite it (which was very frustrating) enjoy!
Y/N wasn’t mad that she didn’t get to go to the Tony Awards with Ben. In fact, when he asked her she had declined. She didn’t like being in big crowd, and being with him would make her on the receiving end of a lot of unwanted attention. She was perfectly content to sit on her couch and cheer her friends on inside her small apartment. She clapped and whooped each time Dear Evan Hansen won an award, but she screamed the loudest when Ben won his. She hadn’t doubted for a second that he would win, but seeing him standing on that stage, trying not to cry and giving his beautiful speech, it was hard not to be excited. Plus, Ben had promised that if celebrating was in order, then they would celebrate the day after with just the two of them. She thought it was a much better idea to have Ben all to herself rather than standing with him in front of a bunch of cameras.
And he held true to his promise. The day after the Tonys there was music blasting in Y/N’s apartment as her and Ben made cookies and danced crazily. The entirety of the tiny complex was filled to the brim with joy. As Y/N went to get bowls for the both of them for the ice cream that had set out, Ben snatched her hand and twirled her around. She laughed loudly as they started to sway and bounce win time to the music. He was holding her like they were at a high school dance. More than that, he was holding her like they were at a high school dance together.
The thing about Ben winning the Tony was that Olivia had offered Y/N a deal: if Ben won, she would have to tell him that she liked him in more than just a friendly way. She hadn’t taken the deal, because she’d known that the chances of him winning were too high and she wasn’t ready to tell him yet. She wasn’t ready to risk nine years of friendship just because she had some stupid crush that wouldn’t go away. But standing there with his hand resting on her back and his eyes staring into hers, she was considering it. It would be so easy to just let the words slip and relieve her of the weight that’d been sitting on her shoulders for years. Their dancing started to slow until they had stopped moving all together.
But he was still holding her. If she wasn’t mistaken, his grip was tightening. And she was almost positive that he was leaning, because she sure as hell was. They were so close, definitely closer than they’d been when they started dancing. Just a little bit more space to cover and they would’ve been kissing.
Except then the oven went off and they sprung apart. Ben rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly and stumbled over his words. “Right, um, the cookies! We have to get the cookies.”
His voice shocked Y/N out of her trance and she plastered a smile on her face and nodded. They spent the rest of the evening eating and watching The Wizard of Oz, a safe distance away from each other.
It wasn’t until after Ben had left and Y/N was laying in bed that it hit her - He’d been leaning in. Ben had been about to kiss her just as much as she’d been about to kiss him. She couldn’t have imagined that, could she? He had been getting closer, hadn’t he? If he had…. Well, if he had, that changed everything.
Ben was a bit confused while getting ready the day after he’d been at Y/N’s. He had gone over confident, ready to tell her how he felt, but then he just kept putting it off. And then they were dancing. And then they weren’t. And then he’d been leaning in - and he was pretty sure she had been doing the same. It was the perfect opportunity. And, really, standing there with her and watching her smile like that and her eyes dazzle, how could he resist?
Except they hadn’t kissed, and from then on they kept an achingly big distance between them. He hadn’t told her how he felt. Will and Mike were going to give him hell for it, he was sure, but more than that it completely diminished his confidence.
Sure enough, as soon as he walked into the theater Will and Mike were by his side.
“Did you tell her?” Will asked, smiling widely. Ben glanced over at Mike to see that he was wearing a matching smile.
“You didn’t do it, did you?” Mike sighed.
“I tried! But I just…. couldn’t.” He let his shoulders sag as a frown found its way into his face.
“You gotta do it sometime, buddy, and today’s as good a day as any,” Will spoke as he and Mike started to walk away.
“You can do it!” Mike cheered. Ben smiled slightly at his friends encouragements, but there was still the weight of not having told her resting on his shoulders. He’d made a deal with Mike and Will that if he won the Tony he would tell Y/N how he felt, but he’d only agreed to it because he didn’t think he was going to win.
The idea of possibly ruining what he had with Y/N absolutely petrified him.
Y/N made it a priority to come to the theater at least once a week to visit everyone. Usually, the first thing she did when she arrived was find Ben and greet him if he wasn’t too busy. This time was different. This time she sprinted through the halls, desperately hoping she wouldn’t run into Ben, until she made it to Laura’s dressing room. She’d already texted Laura, Kristolyn, and Olivia that she needed to talk to them, so she knew they were all waiting for her. The moment she opened the door their eyes were on her.
“Hey, Y/N! What’s this big thing you have to talk about?” Laura asked cheerfully.
“It’s about Ben.” The minute she said it the atmosphere changed. All three girls (and most of the cast and crew) knew about Y/N’s crush on Ben, and they could tell from the nervous look on her face that what she was going to say wasn’t necessarily good news. They waited silently in anticipation.
“Last night he came over for a mini Tony celebration, just the two of us. But while he was there we were dancing and he had his arm around me and then we stopped dancing and I was pretty sure he was going to kiss me but now I’m doubting it because the oven went off so it didn’t happen and I’m not entirely sure if he was actually going to kiss me, but I really wanted him to, you know? Not to mention that now that I’ve started thinking about it I can’t stop and I’m kind of concerned that I might need someone to physically restrain me from kissing him when I see him.”
She panted slightly from having talked so fast as they stared at her in shock. Suddenly, Olivia squealed. “He was going to kiss you? That’s amazing!” Y/N opened her mouth to explain that no, that was stressful, but she was cut off.
“If you’re expecting us to restrain you, don’t count on it,” Kristolyn piped in.
“Oh yeah, I’m not contributing to anything that keeps you two from finally getting together,” Laura grinned. Her friends were excited about this, she realized. That was a bit annoying, but also kind of endearing. She sat down as they started talking about her and Ben, dishing out advice on how to tell him how she felt about him.
Ben knocked nervously in Rachel’s dressing room door. She opened it with a smile and he mustered on up in return, but let it drop when the anxiousness began to take over his expression again.
“Could I talk to you?” He asked. “You know, fake son to fake mom?” She looked him over with concern as she let him in. He wasn’t even in costume and he looked more like Evan than he did Ben.
“What’s wrong, honey?” She asked worriedly.
“It’s about a girl….” He trailed off and her face lit up. She knew as well as everyone that if Ben was having girl troubles it was about Y/N, and if there were troubles that meant that something had finally happened.
“I was over at Y/N’s last night and I almost did it. I almost kissed her, told her that I loved her, the whole deal. I didn’t get to, but I still want to - I just don’t know how. Every time I’m with her I just can’t do it.” He looked at her pleadingly and she gave him a small smile.
“This is gonna sound like really bad advice, but you’ve just got to tell her, Ben. Start talking, and once you do, trust me, you won’t be able to stop. I’ve seen the way you are with her, you’ve got a lot to say.” Ben nodded with confidence and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and a thank you. And then he was out the door and on his way to find Y/N.
Y/N was sitting in Ben’s dressing room a little while before the show. She’d been slightly avoiding Ben all day, but now she was waiting for him. Though half of her hoped he wouldn’t be stopping by before the show started. She knew it had to happen the next time she saw him, but it terrified her.
She looked up, startled, when the door opened and closed quickly. Suddenly, Ben was in the room with her. He leaned against the door and sighed, running a hand over his face with his eyes closed. When he opened them he made a noise of surprise at Y/N’s presence and she smiled softly at him. She couldn’t help what he did to her - he made everything seem better. When they were together everything seemed easier.
“How long have you been here? I’ve been looking all over for you,” He said. He looked nervous, and Y/N wondered if he was already in character or if he was genuinely anxious about something.
“Not too long, I’ve been all around today. I wanted to see you before the show, though.” He smiled at the thought of her waiting in hopes of seeing him.
“That’s good, I actually have something I wanted to talk to you about.” He looked over at her and she watched him expectantly. “Um, Rachel said I should just start talking, so - uh - here goes nothing.” He took a deep breath, and then began to speak.
“We’ve been friends for a really long time, and I think it’s probably time that you should know - the first time I ever saw you I stopped breathing. You looked so gorgeous. You literally took my breath away, and you still do - every day. One time - and I can’t even remember what we were laughing about - but we were in your apartment and laughing like crazy. We couldn’t stop. I remember looking around and thinking ‘I could do this for the rest of my life. I could spend the rest of my life laughing with you and I’d be happy. I’d be so happy.’ And then I looked over at you, and you looked so beautiful. You always look so beautiful. I looked at you, and it hit me. And I sat there thinking 'wow, so this is what being in love feels like.’” He laughed nervously, avoiding looking at her, scared that she might be disgusted or be looking at him with pity.
“Y/N,” he took another deep breath and looked her in the eyes. She was staring at him with wonder, but he couldn’t tell if she was happy or not. “I am so completely in love with you.”
The silence was painful. Deafening. The silence made it clear to him that he’d ruined it. He’d messed everything up. He looked down at his shoes to avoid having to look at her.
“I love you too.” His head snapped up as her voice reached his ears. She was smiling bigger than he’d ever seen and her eyes were filled with tears. “I can’t believe I came here to tell that I love you and you beat me to it,” she laughed. He stared at her in shock as she felt the happiness filling her up.
“Okay, real quick because I’ve been saying this in my head for a few hours now and I need to say it out loud: Ben, when I first met you I knew. I knew I wanted to be with you forever. Maybe platonically, maybe romantically - it didn’t really matter. But then it did. Then it did because every day I found something new about you that I loved. Every day I could feel myself falling in love, and it felt so damn good. Being in love with you makes me so happy.”
They were standing in front of each other smiling. And then he was leaning in, and then she was leaning in, and they were both one hundred percent positive that the other was doing it this time. Except then someone called out for Ben because the show was starting in only a few minutes.
He apologized profusely before running out and towards the stage. She smiled as she watched him go. She waited for the entire show in his dressing room. He didn’t make it back for intermission, but that was okay. Mostly because it was just around when intermission ended that she realized he had said something along the lines of wanting to spend the rest of his life with her.
When the show ended the cast were all grouped together backstage in their pre-show dance party hallway. They were all rushing with adrenaline from the show and the applause from the audience, excitedly talking. All except Ben - he was strangely quiet.
“Are you feeling okay?” Jennifer asked with a motherly type concern. He was about to respond when they heard shouts from down the hallway.
“Ben!” They all turned to see Y/N bounding down the hallway until she stopped in front in Ben, breathing heavily. “I’m sorry, just have to make sure, did you say you want to spend the rest of your life with me?” He nodded with a smile as everyone watched with wide eyes. “Oh, thank god,” she breathed.
And then her arms were around his neck and his were around her waist and they were finally kissing. Everybody was cheering by the time they pulled apart, and they both stared at each other with wide smiles.
Discreetly, Will, Mike, and Olivia high fived in the background of all the commotion.