No. I like him as a character. I think Feyre should stay the heck away from him, but he’s not a lost cause. There was ZERO evidence to suggest he couldn’t change. He’s not all bad. He was an ass in the first book, had a bit of PTSD he wasn’t properly dealing with, and then after UTM, he just crashed. And his trauma ate him alive and there was no one qualified around to help him. Same as there was no one qualified around to help Feyre or Lucien, right? Tamlin needs help. And he has to want to help himself to be able to get the help he needs. (I’m related to a psychiatric nurse practitioner who read the books and I’ve picked her brain about Tamlin many times.)
He’s not a bad guy. He has done bad things. But to reduce him to just being a bad guy or an abuser is to lack a fundamental understanding of mental illness and trauma.
And that’s hard for people, to walk in someone else’s shoes or to see the situation from their perspective. It’s kinda like when Mark Wahlberg said if he’d been on that 9/11 flight it wouldn’t have gone down. It’s easy, and comforting, to think that we would have acted differently, that we could have altered the outcome somehow. But that’s a beautiful, ignorant lie. Because we can never know. And It’s easier to judge other people for wrongdoings or for what they did or didn’t do than to consider the alternative—that we would have done the same thing.
So if you ask me, Tamlin gets to come back from what he did. We always get to come back. (Unless you have a personality disorder, which Tamlin doesn’t have.) But we have to do the work, and we have to own what we did and suffer the consequences of our actions. If I were Feyre, I’d forever stay the hell away from him. And if she were my friend in the real world, that’s the advice I’d give. But that doesn’t mean Tamlin doesn’t get to be saved too. And it doesn’t mean that he can’t learn from his actions and change. We get to come back. Always.
so my friend gillian and i were discussing the tweet from bitty’s account in which this happens
and we said what if nursey keeps suggesting girls from everywhere for dex to go on dates with? he has to ask ransom for help after he runs out because even though nursey knows a lot,,, of people,, ransom knows everyone
but dex keeps rejecting them and nursey is disappointed because he is nursing (,,ha) a crush on dex and just wants to make him happy even if it isn’t with him but dex keeps turning them down like “she sounds frustrating” or “she sounds boring”
ransom ends up saying dude pack it in and stop asking me for girl recommendations that boy is clearly Not Interested
so in the end they’re in the basement and dex is fixing the dryer for the 500th time and nursey is reeling off this list of girls when dex turns round and says “dude, i appreciate the, um, huge and ongoing effort but you do realise im gay right”
nursey drops everything he’s holding. just drops everything to the floor and he’s like “will im sorry i didn’t know” and he expects dex to fight him or chirp him or something but dex just smirks, turns back to the dryer and says “chill”
Y/N bit her lower lip, a blush on her cheeks as she stands
in the room, her hands nervously playing with her sleeves. She wasn’t sure why
she felt nervous now, the hard part was done, her and Harry had exchanged the
“I do”, they had shared their vows, the planning was over. They were married.
But standing in front of him made her want to pee, the butterflies going insane
in her stomach.
Harry closed the door behind him, his hands shaky. It was
done, they were married, yet he couldn’t breathe. He was excited, he just
wanted to hold her, but when he turned he froze. She was so beautiful, she was
always beautiful, but today was different. Today was a day he never wanted to
forget, today was a day he wanted to keep reliving. She looked much different
than the mess she was the last two months, screaming, crying.
How about a Nursey/Dex mutual celebrity crush meet-cute with NHL!Nursey and IrishDancer!Dex?
I’m not sure how popular an Irish dancer is, but let’s roll with it. I’m also making a whole bunch of shit up because I don’t know much about Irish dancing. So if something is so glaringly wrong that it completely ruins the story, kindly let me know and I’ll change it up.
Dex has been on tour with the National Academy for over four months now and while he loves dancing (and loves getting paid for it), he’s exhausted. He can’t think of anything more he’d rather do than curl up in his bed at home and sleep for about a week.
hi mom!! if it aint too much trouble could you please do youngjae for the small AU game? if ur too busy or if you just dont want to you dont have to ofc! thank you~~
probably got roped in with something other fallen angel jackson did and now he’s stuck on earth,,,,,,,except he’s immortal,,,,and has to hide his wings,,,,,but still earth,,,,,,ew
gets a job as an ER nurse and is just trying to do his best to help people,,,,,you know,,,,,,since he can’t do it from above anymore
and everyone loves him because he’s a sweet kid who looks cute in the nurse’s uniform,,,,his scrubs have little dogs on them
keeps telling fellow fallen angel jackson that they need to stock up on good deeds so they can be let back into heaven but also why is jackson not listening to him and going to parties every night showing up to the hospital semi-sober jackson PLEASE
you’re in the ER from an accident which leaves you coming too from a bunch of IV meds and youngjae is your assigned nurse and he sees you opening your eyes and he’s like ‘are you ok? how are you feeling?’
and the first thing you blurt out is ‘are you an angel?’
and youngjae’s eyes go wide and he looks around and pulls the curtain around your bed closed and leans forward and he’s like ‘how?????? how did you know?????? are you one too??????? or are you a demon??????’
and you’re like woah woah woah hold up what
and you try to sit up, the meds wearing off and you’re looking at nurse youngjae
cute face, nice skin, and you’re like ,,,,,,,,, well he looked like a blur a couple of seconds ago so that’s why you said angel but??????? he really is one?????
and you’re like ‘i don’t suppose your wings are binded to your back right now?’ and youngjae gasps and puts his hand on his back were you guessed it,,,,,,his wings around bounded
and you’re like holy moly you’re an ACTUAL ANGEL
and youngjae puts his hand over your mouth and is like yes yes shhhhhhhh i don’t know how you ,,,, a normal human knows,,,,,but you cannot tell anyone,,,,,,,,,,
and you’re like i wasn’t going too,,,,,,,,,,,,,but um question
and youngjae sighs and he’s like ‘my halo isn’t visible to people if that’s what you want to know’ and you’re like akhfljds no but omg
and you’re like ‘are all angels as handsome as you? i mean they have to be right, but wow you’re like,,,,,,,,,,,,stunning’
and youngjae is taken back by the sudden compliment and lifts his nurses clipboard to his face like,,,w,,,what,,,,,,,no all angels look different
but you’re just like ,,,,,,,,you’re so handsome it’s just unreal,,,,,,,,,no wonder you’re magical
and youngjae is slowly feeling himself heat up because ok ok you’re also,,,,a pretty cute human and you’re saying all these nice things,,,,and maybe he won’t discharge you just yet,,,
but also he’s like ‘you see that nurse over there attempting to do a backflip for that patient?’ and you look to where youngjae is pointing and you’re like oh yeah and youngjae is like ‘he’s an angel too’ and you’re like WHAT
but you’re also like he’s good looking too and youngjae is like ,,,,,,,,,,im better though right,,,,,,,,you: yes, i’d also trust you as a nurse,,,,,,that one not so much
Fucked up things about mother! and what they meant, or at least, how I interpreted them
Mother! is a film that marketed itself as like a mystery thriller.
You see a couple living alone in an isolated house with a weird crowd of people coming in for…a reason.
And you think oh, so it’s a mystery. What’s happening? So you go see it.
And what you get is a metaphor about the lives of celebrities and their families.
Let me explain my interpretation.
Invasion of privacy:
Obviously, all of the people, polite but invasive, were a metaphor for how even the most polite “fans” are still intruding.
Everything’s normal at the beginning of the film. Even though Jennifer Lawrence is a little uncomfortable with the old man and his wife, she’s still not totally upset. Social manners dictate that she be a kind hostess. And she is, she takes their invasion pretty well, since her husband seems reasonable and kind for letting two strangers in.
These two strangers are just “fans” of his original work. They’re normal people who just admire him. That’s normal, right?
“Fans are people too.”
They’re just admiring.
At this point, Jennifer Lawrence and her husband are normal people who are just happy that their work gets recognized.
This is “small” celebrity status.
People who are recognizable, but not uber famous.
They get to be friendly with fans, get one on ones without people getting weird
Fans make their own personal problems somehow related to their celebrity and behave badly when their celebrity’s family or friends tell them to step off, they don’t own that celebrity (*coughs, sound familiar, tumblr?)
So the two “normal” fans have two fucked up sons. One kills the other. It’s a tragedy. Jennifer Lawrence expresses her condolences, but Michelle Pfieffer is cold and says she couldn’t “possibly” understand while Jennifer’s husband is gracious and “mourns.”
Michelle Pfieffer is a “fan” who sees her own problems in the lives of the celebrity’s family.
She then “takes sides” according to how she applies her own tragedy to the celebrity’s situation.
And she takes the celebrity husband’s side, because he’s “mourning” while Jennifer is uncomfortable with people in the house.
But this mourning is pandering.
He’s showing only the slightest of true sympathy for them. He just revels in the drama, in being the hero, who comforts all. He is their messiah, he pities their small problems and comforts them because he is a benevolent master.
Additionally, all of the family members come in, invade Jennifer’s home.
They jump on her sink even though she TELLS THEM REPEATEDLY that it hasn’t been braced yet.
Then it BREAKS.
Like this is just the beginning.
Celebrities and their families TELL their fans not to do something.
For a practical reason.
But fans do it anyway because they think they’re being cute, playful. They take liberties with celebrity’s possessions, with their reputations.
They treat the celebrity’s things like toys and then let them clean up the mess while they get off scot free and retreat into anonymity.
Then the celebrity gets MORE famous. People ADORE him and treat him like a god who can do no wrong, whose every action is sacred. They then DEMONIZE close relatives and friends when they have NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT GOES ON WHEN THE CAMERA IS OFF.
So Jennifer Lawrence has a baby. The madness is over. Her husband is happy because he finally started writing again. He published a book and everyone’s excited.
She’s happy because it’s just the two of them, plus another, the baby that’s coming.
There’s no stain under the carpet (blood, from when one brother killed the other earlier) and she throws away medication she’s been taking the entire movie to deal with the stress.
But then the paparazzi come. Fans come. They come and they take her husband away from her.
Earlier, he went away for an “emergency.”
He left his wife alone because he “had to” and he assumed that she would be ok.
And she’s an adult, after all.
It was traumatic, but she excuses him because he’s a “good man.”
But in this case?
He just adores the fame.
He leaves her to bask in glory.
He doesn’t eat dinner with her, a dinner she made specially for him.
And THEN, he tells everyone to come inside.
They eat her meals.
They start taking her things, because they “need a piece” of the poet they adore so much.
She tells them to stop but they don’t care.
This whole part was clearly a metaphor for how celebrities’ lives are treated as commodities.
Everyone feels entitled to their favorite celebrity’s lives.
They want a piece of them for themselves, but don’t consider that maybe one day, there’ll just be nothing left of whatever it was that made that person special.
They also take liberties with her food, her toilet, her possessions, her house.
They tear things off the wall and run off with it.
They shove her around and don’t care that she’s pregnant.
Kristin Wiig the editor, social civil war, and how celebrities are expected to fix the entire world’s problems by being “icons” when they’re really just people.
Ok, this part of the movie was really weird and kind of tedious. For some reason, the film went from people invading and cutting up her house to…women in cages.
People fighting in the living room with riot masks.
People getting pepper sprayed.
Bodies covered in ash all over the floor.
Nurses and medics rushing to help people lying on the floor, dying.
And amongst this mess is Jennifer Lawrence and her husband…who inspires people.
Who sees their suffering and wants to help…but who disregards his wife.
Who starts to see himself as a messiah, instead of as the man he truly is.
This is a fascinating part which I only understood JUST NOW, as I was typing this!
Celebrities are our “fantasy.”
The real world is horrible.
People die in terrorist attacks.
People protesting are pepper sprayed and beaten.
Women are sex slaves being sold like goods.
Disgusting men walk around destroying everything.
And here we have a celebrity who’s powerless to stop these things.
Yes, he is a figure of hope. He can offer people some comfort in trying times.
But he’s also human.
He has his own responsibilities. He’s just a man.
He NEGLECTS HIS WIFE AND CHILD to be the people’s “savior.”
And that leads us to:
A baby is taken from her mother, its neck is snapped by the people’s rough handling of it, and its corpse is ripped apart and eaten by his father’s fanatics
Ok, this part was horrific.
But I understood what it meant.
He wanted people to see his child because they “asked.”
He really did want to support his wife, at some points, but every time, EVERY TIME, his fans came first.
His image came first.
He took her baby from her after it was born after assholishly waiting for two days for her to FALL ASLEEP.
Then he gave it to the crowd.
And they tore it to pieces.
Clearly, this was a metaphor for a celebrity’s family.
Everything they do is consumed by the public.
The babies of celebrities are neatly folded into consumer goods the moment they’re born.
They’re battered by scandals and by the public’s eye.
It was brutal to watch and I think the message there was that we don’t consider how it would feel to be born with a spotlight on you and your every action.
We take it for granted, our privacy.
Our right to live our lives unmolested.
Kids of celebrities are always being “held up” and “eaten” in a way.
Ok, so the scene ends with the baby being eaten and with one fan saying, “We’re so sorry for your loss…but he will not be forgotten!”
This to me says that people will apologize for their actions…but not mean it.
They’ll never learn their lesson; they’re just sorry their dark side was exposed to the light.
They’ll hide it away again until the next situation comes along.
Jennifer Lawrence’s husband refuses to apologize and he refuses to change his ways EVEN AFTER HIS BABY WAS KILLED
His baby died and what does he tell his wife?
“I’m sorry…but we can make something out of this tragedy! It wasn’t for nothing!”
It shouldn’t have happened in the first place.
Jennifer Lawrence is disgusted, rightfully, because he’s just thinking about himself.
he didn’t care about her or her baby.
he cared about the publicity. and now that the baby is dead…he still thinks of himself as the people’s god.
he “makes” tragedy into yet another moment of worship.
And then a scene that just wouldn’t end…..
Jennifer Lawrence is brutally beaten by a crowd calling her a whore and her shirt is ripped at and I’m forced to see her boobs popping out
Ok so…this part was really upsetting.
You thought a tiny helpless baby having its neck snapped and its corpse eaten was as bad as it got?
After her baby is killed….what happens?
She stabs a bunch of people with glass.
And then they descend on her, screaming, and beat her brutally, punching her in the face, in the stomach, tearing at her shirt.
Her boobs pop out.
And then her husband FINALLY comes to her rescue.
A celebrity’s family member is angry at her privacy being violated. Or she’s angry about a way she’s been portrayed in the media.
She lashes out.
And is mercilessly torn apart by a misogynistic public.
Like I think her breasts popping out wasn’t meant to be sexy at all.
It was literally the grossest thing I’ve ever seen, not that Jennifer Lawrence isn’t hot, just that…
I don’t find people beating a woman’s nose in and then kicking her still pregnant stomach as she lies bleeding on the floor sexy foreplay.
Plus her boobs aren’t sexually shown.
They’re just there, on display, after a crowd of people beat her almost to death.
This scene to me…makes me think about leaked nudes.
Everyone was calling her a whore.
Celebrity’s wives are under careful scrutiny, you know?
In a way husbands aren’t.
So rumor mills always accuse wives of cheating, or of being shrill, nagging, selfish bitches who don’t support their husbands.
This to me was the story of a wife of a celebrity who was treated horribly by the public, who’s as human as the rest of us but doesn’t get to be because she’s in the spotlight.
Her brutal treatment was really symbolic of how people don’t know SHIT about a celebrity’s home life.
They assume they do and demonize anyone deemed “harmful” to their celebrity, who they CLEARLY adore because they can do no wrong….and that includes family members.
But they don’t know anything. They don’t understand.
And people get hurt.
Families are torn apart. Love is lost.
Jennifer Lawrence gave everything to this asshole, then blows up the house she built for him, and THEN her burnt corpse still gives him its heart, which becomes the priceless antique that he’s treasured for years
This was the ending.
She’s burnt everything, the house, their possessions, him, the people.
And yet…she still gives him the last thing she has.
When he never deserved it.
And he takes it, smiling.
And it becomes a priceless jewel, something he’d had in the beginning of the film, which had been broken by one of the many visitors.
So this part was infuriating because..
then you see another woman waking up in the house, right where Jennifer Lawrence started.
So there you go.
That’s the ending.
There’s a massive scandal.
The public takes the celebrity’s side, of course.
The celebity’s wife is destroyed socially and publicly.
She’s forever that “bitch” who hurt a good man.
A brave hero.
(who let his son die and let his wife deal with this pain all alone).
She’s burnt every bridge she knows.
She doesn’t have her baby or her husband or her home or anything.
This seems to me like a metaphor for divorce.
The celebrity’s spouse is divorced and has nothing anymore.
In fact, they have less than what they had before, because at least before they knew anonymity.
Now they know hatred from people who only saw the whole debacle from the side of the celebrity, and only pitied and cared about him, since they don’t know this non-famous, normal, human woman.
But she still gives him her heart, saying she loves him, loved him.
And he has everything she ever gave him, all of the support and love, and now that he has it from millions of adoring people?
He doesn’t need her anymore.
He takes what she has left and leaves.
And finds a new woman.
A new victim.
And it begins again, the scrutiny.
This movie was fucked up.
Was it fascinating.
Because the social commentary is simply phenomenal.
I’m actually kind of bent out of shape about this, because the movie was brutal, but its message was even more brutal when you realize it.
It wasn’t a mystery thriller like it seemed.
it was a story about the media.
And about fame and power that corrupts and destroys people who’re really not that different from you or me.
All I could think about was Britney Spears and how she had a mental breakdown and all people could do was mock her and make fun of her and shake their heads, telling their daughters how they don’t want to grow up like her.
Humans are fucked up. They fuck up.
The only difference with celebrities is that their mistakes are horrifically public, and the backlash is much worse.
I hated this movie.
But fuck, I just realized, I kind of loved it too.
Edit: I’m a fucking dumbass. It’s an allegory for the Bible. And that’s it. Ok. I’m an idiot. Disregard everything I said.
I’m actually really sad ‘cause someone asked to be tagged in part 2, but I lost their name and I can’t find it anywhere!!! I’m sooo sorry, if you read this send me a message again so I can save it and I will mark you on the next one. I feel terrible now.
So this is part 2 and I hope you all enjoy it. The story is moving pretty slow I guess, but it will be faster the whole reader and Lucifer situation. I’m already drafting the part 3 and hopefully it won’t take too long. Thank you!
words: 2323-ish paring: Lucifer x Reader (F) warning: mention of child cancer (?)
You stood next to Detective Decker, who was between
you and Lucifer, looking at the monitor with the surveillance video showing the
moment you went looking for May. It was the second time you watched the video
with both of them.
“So I believe that cleared it, right? Guess
this angel didn’t really murder our nurse.” Lucifer said stepping away
from the monitor and even further away from you. “You can leave now,
You were sad to hear him talking like this when a
long time ago you both made one of heavens most beautiful couples. But it’s not
like you didn’t understand his side, if the tables had been turned you’d be
reacting just like him. Probably even worse since he hasn’t tried to hurt you
yet. You would deserve it coming from him. Even though many other things
happened that day, things that Lucifer had yet to discover, you did leave him.
“Not so fast. We have just a few more
questions. Did you see anyone out of the ordinary?” Chloe asked.
“I’m not the best person to ask this. I’ve
only been here for a couple of weeks and I’m still not sure who everyone is.
Most of the people there are strangers to me. You should ask the nurses and
doctors, they’ll be able to help a lot more. Maybe Luke, he used to work with May all the time.”
Chloe wrote something down on her notebook and it
felt like forever for her to say something. Lucifer wanted you gone so that is
what you wanted to do. Run, but then again, it had been too long and you also
wanted to run to him.
“Fine. That’s what we’ll do. Let’s go,
Detective!” Lucifer said getting his car keys and walking off.
“Lucifer! One second will you?” Chloe
pointed a finger in what you assumed was ‘stay’ as she ran to him.
“What had gotten into you today? Is there a
reason you’re in such a hurry?” Chloe asked in a low voice.
“Trust me, Detective, it’s not important right
now.” He overlooked at you and you turned your face in the other
direction. You were sad and desperate, but you didn’t want to look the part.
“Why won’t you talk to me? Are we really going
backwards on this again?” Lucifer didn’t answer. He stared at you and
ignored Chloe all together. “Fine. If you don’t want to talk that’s your
choice, but I need you 100% in this and not trying to run over everything we
do. Got it?” He didn’t answer. “Lucifer!”
He snapped out of his trance and looked a little
annoyed at Chloe “Yes, Detective. Now can we go? The killer could be
Chloe looked back at where you were sitting and
just waved you off.
“We’ll be in touch!” She screamed and Lucifer dragged
her out of the precinct.
You were sitting in your small apartment. The
little money that you got when you came to earth was enough to get you a
basement room in a crumbling building and as crazy as it sounded, it felt like
the best place you’ve been in centuries.
The thin mattres on the floor had one hole and lots
of weird stains, it smelled weird too. The floor creaked and snapped as you
walked. There was no heat, but you had a blanket. You had 5 change of clothes
that you kept folded in a chair. Your small bathroom was shared with other 4
people and they weren’t the most friendly, so you used the bathroom when they
were asleep. Still, all of this was just perfect for you.
It was dark. You had no idea what time exactly, but
you knew it was late. You’d gotten out of your shower and was ready for sleep,
but the cold weather was keeping you awake. Even though it was something you
didn’t want to do, you got your wings out and carefully folded yourself in
them. Soon after, you were sleeping.
The next morning you woke up before anyone, folded
your wings in your back, got ready as fast as you could and made your way back
to the Institute.
“We have to get to the institute! Now!”
Chloe said bringing Dan and Lucifer behind her.
“What’s the rush?” Lucifer asked while
biting into a donut.
“May had a patient that died four days ago.
His funeral had been the night before the murder. Luke said the nurse and the
father had a big fight, 'cause apparently he thought the doctors and nurses at
the institute neglected his sons needs.” Chloe said starting the cars
“So why are we going to the institute?
Shouldn’t we be going to his house or his work?” Lucifer asked sucking the
powdered sugar off his fingers.
“His wife said he left home earlier than usual
and when we called his work they said he called in sick. Never made it there.
So our best guess right now is that he’s going to the place where his son
died.” Chloe stepped faster on the gas as she spoke. Lucifer was starting
to feel a tightness around his chest he didn’t quite understand why. Could he
have a heart attack?
“The institute is not picking up.” Dan
said from the back seat.
“I’m not an expert, but I do believe that is a
bad sign.” Lucifer said noticing how his insides were turning. He never
felt so on edge during his time on earth.
You were in a room full of children. They were
dancing and laughing and all that just about made your heart blow with
happiness. These kids that had been through so much and were still fighting one
of the toughest battles out there, and they were here, now, happy. A joy you helped bring
out in them. It probably gave you a high that could be compared to drug
consequence, but there is no harm into bringing joy to others.
While you were laughing at another kids dance you
saw Luke raise from his seat so fast. It would have seemed as though he was
finally getting ready to dance if it wasn’t for how serious his face was.
You looked up to find Eric standing in the doorway
of the room you had gathered the children. He looked sad. That ultimately made
you sad too. All that happiness you felt with the kids had been sucked out of
you and all you felt was empty and alone. An echo of a deep emotion coming off
of Eric. You had to bring him joy. So that’s what you decided to do.
Looking at a serious Luke you stepped between him
and the doorway where Eric was. Luke didn’t seem happy, but he focused
“Stay here with the kids. I’ll deal with him,
alright?” You said putting a comforting hand in his arm. He stared into
your eyes and he was lost. He would want to do anything you said.
“I can’t let you go with him.”
“Yes you can, and you will. You know I can
take care of myself. I’m here to help. It’s what I do.” With your soft
confident voice and your sweet and caring eyes. He was done for.
You turned around and made your way to the sad man
in front of you, ignoring all the noises of fun behind you. He tensed as you
came over and touched his arm. His first reaction was to back away and pull his
arm from your reach, but he looked at you. Everything he did just stopped. His
eyes met yours with rage and hurt, yours were filled with understanding and
even a little sorrow. Just looking into his eyes you knew he was the one to
kill your only friend. But you also remembered the day his whole world came
crashing down. You were not going to judge, you had to help him even though you
felt a small part of you dying as you did it.
“Can you come with me?” You whispered.
“I really don’t want to disrupt the children.”
He didn’t move at first. But as soon as you walked
by him, he started to follow you.
You walked towards the lounge where you found Mays’
body. You weren’t sure if it was the best idea, but it was the only one you
had. There was no place else that popped into your mind.
“I know what you did.” You said as you
desperately tried to hold your own sadness at bay.
He didn’t deny it. All he did was sit in a chair by
your side and pull out a gun he kept in his lap.
“I can tell you’re hurting. Bad. But you wanna
know what? It’s no reason to do this. Your son was very sick and deep down you
know it. There was nothing anyone could do.” You slided closer to him
“I’m not afraid of you, Eric. I can feel your pain and it is greater than
anything a human should endure. So I’m going to help you, okay? Can I touch
All Eric could do was look at you and turn his palm
up. You didn’t think twice about grabbing his hand.
His eyes grew wide and he smiled. He smiled and he
cried. You knew what he was seeing even though it wasn’t right there. You
brought back memories of his favorite times with his son and how they were
really happy, even if it was for a short period of time. You felt the grief and
overwhelming sadness slowly turn into a small part of joy. You smiled. A broken
smile. Part of the job was to take away the pain from someone, and while you
took someone’s pain for yourself, you gave them joy.
“Where is he?” Chloe asked as she ran
inside the building with Dan and Lucifer behind her.
Lucifer saw the room filled with children’s
laughter and knew if you’d be somewhere, it’d be there. So he let Chloe and Dan
run alone to the front desk and went straight to meet the room with the other
He stopped at the doorway and never found you.
“Hey, you, with the funny scrubs. Where is
(y/n)? Is she here?” He half screamed in Luke’s direction.
“She was here a few minutes back. Eric came
here and she took him somewhere away from the kids. I didn’t want her to go,
but I… I actually don’t know why I let her go.” He said really
Lucifer didn’t waste a minute waiting for anything
else. He wasn’t sure where to look for you so he started looking at all the rooms.
The tightness in his chest getting tighter and tighter. His breath was hard to
grasp, but he couldn’t stop until he found you. Repeating over and over that it
wasn’t because of concern, but because of something else entirely different.
One of the last places on the second hall was the
lounge and for some reason his legs seemed to stop working. He stood there
shaking in his high end suit and as much as he wanted to run, he couldn’t.
Until he heard your laugh. It wasn’t the laugh he knew. It was a sad laugh,
almost those where you laugh when you actually want to cry.
When he was getting close to the room Chloe and Dan
appeared gun at hand.
“Lucifer, get away from the door. The security
cameras have him in there.” She said.
“But (y/n)…” he said in a low voice.
“She’s in there with him so just stay out of
this and don’t do anything to startle him!”
Chloe stopped at the door frame pointing her gun at
where Lucifer could only imagine Eric was standing.
“Eric, I need you to put your hands up above
your head and step away from (y/n).”
You looked up startled. This wasn’t suppose to
happen. He was just getting better and they interrupted. You looked at Eric,
but his smile faded just as fast as if it had never been there.
He let go of your hand and grabbed the gun pointing
it at your face.
“What did you do?” He screamed “How
did you do that?”
You tried to talk to him, but he was screaming
“Please. You know you don’t have to do
this.” You tried to reason. Not that you were afraid of the bullet,
because the chances of it hurting you were close to none, but he could get
hurt. You couldn’t just let a human in pain like that.
Lucifer heard your voice and it was all it took for
him to run inside the room. What he saw, even though he knew wouldn’t hurt you,
made his blood run cold.
“Detective, leave.” He said with his
Chloe just looked at him like he was mad and stayed
where she was.
“Eric, you know she had nothing to do with his
death. Let her go. We can still work this out, okay? Let’s not do anything we
regret today.” Dan said backing up Chloe.
“Eric, look at me. Trust me.” You said
“This is for your own good.” And that was the last thing you said
before the sorrow you felt disappeared from your face and was replaced by the
serious face of a warrior.
You held out your hand and in a matter of seconds
you had his gun dropped to the floor, kicked it away from everyone and pushed
Eric against the wall. The contact you held onto him was enough for you to pull
at his sadness a little more trying to at least take away some of the pain.
Chloe and Dan ran to him and you went to the other
side of the room. Lucifer stayed away. He looked at the floor and then the
door. You watched him leave and he didn’t look back once.
Warnings: so many feels, it pained me to write this,look at those eyes
Summary: Reader is a nurse for Hydra who takes care of The Winter Soldier when no one’s around
You hated it, every minute of it. You just wanted to help people, that was why you became a nurse but seeing what they did to him, over and over again was really starting to wear on you. So you decided to do everything you could, you waited until everyone else was gone, then you snuck in an took care of the man. You knew who he was or atleast you thought you did, they called him The Winter Soldier, he was a credited assassin and a killer but when you looked in his eyes you could see that he was just lost, and scared, like a frightened animal in the headlights of an oncoming car.
The second the lock of the door clicked, He was on his feet, ready for whatever torture they had prepared for him so you can imagine his surprise when you came through the door, some gauze and pads in hand, your H/L, H/C hair pulled up out of your face. “Hello, It’s okay” You say, putting your hands up slowly, trying to avoid frightening him, after all, he could kill you as if it was nothing without a breath. “My name’s Y/N, I want to help you” You assure, your voice low and sweet. You couldn’t have been that intimidating, your frame was soft and plush and your voice and attitude weren’t much more either, but anyone could do anything if properly motivated.
“Why?” he manages, his voice weak but deep as all get out, startling you a bit “Because I see what they do to you, and no one should be treated like that” You say setting down you pail, full of antiseptic slowly, coming over to sit across from him on one of the stools. He was riddled with small cuts and bruises, most of which you could treat right here. “Do you know your name?” You ask and he shrugs, telling you he didn’t “Well, that just wont do now will it sugar” You hum, trying to keep the frightened man calm “Why are you helping me?” he asks again, shying away from the alcohol wipe you had to his cut up cheek.
“You aren’t the only one with scars” You smile, pulling up your shirt just enough to show your exposed hip which was now decorated with a thick slice wound. “This looks terrible, do you mind?” You ask, gesturing to the space where his metal implant met his scar tissue riddled flesh. He tensed as your fingers made contact with the skin but he didn’t move away “I’m sorry this happened to you” you whisper trying your best to be gentle. His breathing was heavy and labored as he studied you, he took in your soft frame, your wide hips and overall thick frame looked so inviting.
You could only imagine how frightened and confused he must be all the time so when you were finally done cleaning him up, you slowly wrapped your arms around him. He didn’t take kindly to it at first but then he nuzzled his head into your neck and you took that as a good sign. His breath tickled your neck and calmed you probably just as much as you calmed him. “I have to go, but I’ll come back tomorrow” You say, turning to leave but he grabs your wrist before you can.
“Come back please” he begs and you nod quickly “I will, I promise” You say, finally tearing you gaze away from his pained eyes and making your way out of the room. And you did go back, every night and you became the only memory that always came back, no matter how much they wiped him.
No, they don’t get sick of books. A lot of them have always been, and probably always will be, readers. They love discussing all things books both in and out of the library.
But they DO get annoyed when people say things like “All you do is read books all day, must be nice!” They’re ALSO collecting materials (books, movies, databases, etc.), providing programming for all ages and hopefully all demographics, going out into the community to show how the library can benefit them, teaching classes, etc.
It’s not uncommon to find ~surprises~ inside returned books — food, mold, and a few soaking wet books. They also see books with pages ripped out, weird stains on pages, and just completely ruined books. TAKE CARE OF YOUR SHIT.
Catching people in the act of fulfilling the ~sexy librarian fantasy~ isn’t as common as you’d think. They’ve definitely caught and broken up a few makeout sessions. It comes with the territory, especially if you have hidden corners and comfortable furniture. But nothing more extreme than that. However, they’ve heard that happens more frequently in libraries on college campuses.
They don’t really mind if books are a little overdue. However, it’s annoying when a book is WAY overdue. What’s worse is when patrons straight-up deny even checking a book out. C’mon, dude, let’s not make this awkward. Just secretly return it in the night drop and no one will say anything.
Despite what the media portrays, they are not constantly shushing people all day. They really only monitor the noise level in designated quiet areas. In those places, they do have to shush people sometimes, which isn’t fun. Libraries are incredibly multifaceted spaces that reflect their communities and no longer places where everyone is told to “Shhhh!” But they really don’t like scolding anyone, TBH.
And they don’t get annoyed when patrons are loud in the non-quiet areas. Public libraries have a lot of loud programs (ex: children’s programs are almost always loud), so it comes with the territory. Libraries are more than what people used to think of them as. There are science experiments and movies and music and lots of other awesome stuff going on in them!
They love giving recommendations, so don’t be afraid to ask. They love giving book recommendations (or what us library-types call a “reader’s advisory”). It’s honestly one of their favorite parts of the job. If you’re looking for a new book to read, ask your librarian!
A big challenge for librarians in public libraries is providing fun, resourceful things on a tight budget. Having a limited or small budget and wanting to provide ALL THE THINGS is difficult. Thankfully, librarians are resourceful and pretty badass in their desire to promote knowledge and open access to information for all.
Nothing beats finding out they’ve helped someone succeed. Once they had a regular patron pass his nursing exam that he had been coming to the library daily for months to study for. He asked them to read the computer screen that showed he passed. That was a great thing to be a part of, albeit from a distance, as just providing a safe, comfortable place and the technology and tools for him to study.
They really do love helping people. That could be helping a child find books that will encourage their love to read, showing someone how to use computers to help them gain job skills, or providing tools on helping someone go back to school or where to go for somewhere safe and warm to sleep for the night.
They also *LOVE* hosting events for the community. Seeing the community get involved and enjoy the programs is a big thing for a lot of them. Also, they usually put on programs that they’d want to attend, so it’s a double win!
They’re not terribly offended with the nerd stereotype. Mostly, librarians are rebels and justice warriors with really good searching and organizing skills.
They don’t mind trying their best to help you find a book based on only the cover, but it does help if you have more information. It’s not easy, but they try.
They appreciate when patrons do nice things for them, but the main way to keep your favorite library going is letting your local government know. They’ve received thank-you notes, flowers, etc., and they always appreciate them, but they also try to tell people to support your librarians by using your library and letting your local government know that you love the library and want to see more money go toward purchasing items and bringing in new resources.
[This fic was requested by @gayshipsruinedmylife ! You should totally go follow them. Thank you for the request!]
Remus tries to be annoyed when he sees that he needs to check on Sirius’ vitals. He really does try. But, it’s sort of hard whenever Sirius is so cute, even when he is being stubborn and arguing with everyone. So, with this half smile he knocks on Sirius’ door and opens it after a few seconds, walking in. His smile drops as the annoyance takes over. He’s done it again.
“Sirius, move the pillows.” Remus looks at the mountain of pillows on top of the bed, envisioning the idiot he was talking to, all sickly and pale, buried under pillows and blankets and giggling as he annoys everyone around him.
“Fight me.” Is the other boy’s reply. It’s quiet, and a tiny giggle follows after it.
Remus rolls his eyes and mumbles, “Maybe later.” He doesn’t think Sirius heard until a little ‘hmph’ is heard. Remus moves closer and pulls the pillows off of Sirius, pulling them out of the hands of Sirius as he tries to keep himself buried. He checks Sirius’ vitals. “You’re doing better. But you need to start eating more. Don’t think we don’t know you aren’t eating breakfast just because you told Nancy you’d hit her with a pillow if she told on you.”
“She told on me?”
“No. You were sitting on the nurses button while you talked. But we could hear you anyways. You aren’t quiet.”
A few hours later, Remus had to go and check on Sirius again. The idiot had tried to make a break for it and ended up falling before he even got out of his room, and now he had been having more coughing fits and whining about bruises and blaming Nancy.
Remus walks in again, and is met with Sirius sitting with his arms crossed, glaring at the mountain of pillows that the other nurses had put on the windowsill. Sirius had fought them when they tried to take them off so they just took them away. “Fight m-” Sirius cuts himself off with a coughing fit and Remus helps him sit up, even as Sirius tried to bat his hands away.
Remus smiles, “I’m not gonna fight you.” He looks at Sirius with this amused expression, “You’d definitely win.” Remus checks on Sirius and reminds him to eat his breakfast before he leaves with a smile.
Sirius was due to checkout whenever his ride got here and he was currently talking to Nancy about the importance of not telling people about their ‘deal’. (Sirius wants her to ambush the other nurses with pillows the next time she gets a chance. Nancy agreed because Sirius is driving her nuts). Nancy leaves and Remus strolls in, five minutes later with a cup of coffee in one hand. He hands it to Sirius, winks, and walks out of the room.
Sirius looks at the cup and notices a note.
fight me? and then there’s a number under it and Sirius grins and blushes and yells 'yes’.
You could feel Wonwoo’s eyes
on you as you scribbled furiously on what had to be the thousandth notecard of
the night. Your coffee table, couch, and the floor in the immediate area had
all but disappeared beneath a mountain of cards containing various terms and
phrases you would need to know for your upcoming exams. But you couldn’t bring
yourself to look up or away from them. They needed to be finished and they
needed to be finished now.
Your hands were beginning to
cramp, your legs were stiff and sore from sitting in one position for so long,
and your neck was beginning to feel the strain as you remained hunched over to
write. It was uncomfortable, it was annoying, and it was stressing you out. But
you had to keep going.
You felt bad, Wonwoo had come
over to spend a little time with you before the next round of promotions, but
you had severely underestimated just how much material would be on your exams.
You weren’t one to procrastinate, especially because you knew that each and
every thing you were learning would have a real world application and possibly
save a life someday, so you forced yourself away from his lingering embrace the
moment he stepped into your apartment and threw yourself back into your
Some nasty ass kid tapped me on the shoulder as I was on the floor stacking a bottom shelf today and proceeded to cough in my mouth as I was about to ask if he needed any help! His mom just stood there and laughed at me and i'm mortified. I don't want your kids germs. I'm not a nurse i'm a store assistant! Yes I am annoyed, teach your kid to cover their mouth! It's even worse when grown adults do it! Why are people so gross?!
That is so gross. I would have banned her from my store for that bs.
On a different note have you noticed the asks seem to come on groups. Like there will be a few in a row on a given subject. Like it’s been a few in a row on sick, gross customers other times it’s something else.
Drabble Challenge - Prompt 2 - “Hey, hey, calm down. They can’t hurt you anymore.” Filled for anon.
Thank you for the prompt, I tried to give you a little bit of hurt/comfort. I hope you like it and thank you for your kind words. x :)
“Hey, hey, calm down. They can’t hurt you anymore,” He remembers his mother whispering to him the first time it happened.
He was only three and needed to be immunised. As soon as he saw the needle he became hysterical, the doctor had had to chase him around his office and trap him against the wall to administer the inoculation. He had cried all the way home.
When he’d done his shoulder in college and needed to have it operated on, he’d breathed into a paper bag as the nurse put in the IV drip and even then he had very nearly blacked out from the panic.
Harvey had always hated needles. He knew it probably seemed silly to most people, but seeing someone with a sharp pointy object that was going to inflict pain on him, move toward him sent a reaction of fear and panic that overrode his usually cool and composed demeanour. And nobody except Lily knew.
After last year’s flu season had taken out half of Pearson Hardman, Jessica had basically laid down the law. You had a flu shot, or you faced her wrath.
He was staring ashen-faced at the e-mail revealing his appointment time when Mike bounced into his office.
“Hey boss, got your flu shot appointment? I got 5 pm, lucky hey? I usually get a dead arm from those things!” Mike babbled, dropping a file in front of him.
“Hmmm.“ Was his tight-lipped response.
“I’m finished with the Cortland file, found something interesting actually,” Mike explained, gesturing that he pick up the file.
When he replied with another hum and didn’t even look at the folder, Mike pressed harder.
“Harvey,” Mike insisted, “What’s going on?”
He looked up at Mike then, realising that he had missed an integral part of this conversation. He grabbed the file and buried his face in it, reading it over quickly.
“Sorry, this is good work, Mike,” He said, attempting to distract Mike with compliments but instead found that Mike had managed to slip around his desk and was now reading over his shoulder. Damn kid and his disregard for personal space.
“Hey, you got the 5.05pm appointment, I’ll come grab you, and we can go together,” Mike confirmed, and exited the office before he could refuse the offer.
True to his word, Mike escorted him down to the 40th floor where the flu clinic had been set up. They were sitting outside, and he was watching a steady stream of people enter, and exit like this was just your ordinary occurrence, and not the end of the world.
“Mike Ross.” The nurse announced.
Mike stood and turned to him.
“Want to distract me while she stabs me in the arm?”
He blanched but managed a nod. Maybe seeing Mike have his needle would help?
It didn’t, and it was his turn sooner than he expected. The collar of his shirt was drenched in sweat, and his hands had started to tremble.
“You’re up,” Mike called out, turning to find him pale and shaking, and plastered against the wall. “Harvey!” Mike said, arriving by his side in the blink of an eye.
He swallowed nervously. “I can’t,” he muttered, closing his eyes and willing the dizzy feeling away.
“It’s okay,” Mike soothed. Mike loosened his tie and undid the top button of his shirt, then took his hand and gave it a squeeze.
“Why didn’t you tell me? I feel like an asshole for dragging you down here.”
He attempted to laugh, but it came out as a choked cough. “I thought I could,” he replied, cheeks flushing slightly.
Mike started to unbutton his shirt sleeves. “You’re sweating, just take it off, and we’ll relax in here for a bit okay? I’ll just let the nurse know, stay put,” Mike directed, leaving him to fumble with the buttons and work his shirt off.
He felt better with his shirt off, maybe a little foolish but at least Mike wasn’t laughing at him. In fact, he enjoyed the way Mike seemed to take control of the situation, and know just what he needed.
He watched as the nurse nodded at Mike as though she understood, then smile over at him.
Mike turned back to him, and for a second he forgot to breathe because for some reason, Mike was walking toward him like he wanted to take him apart and devour every inch of him. He managed to huff out a “Wha-” before Mike grabbed his face and placed a hard and unrelenting kiss against his lips. Without any further thought except maybe ‘fuck yeah’, he kissed him back, Mike’s tongue demanding and receiving entry to his mouth as they lost themselves in a moment that both had wanted for over a year now.
He didn’t even feel the nurse administer the shot.
Authors note: Thanks for reading. There are 7 more drabbles to come, I’ll probably post one every few days. I feel like I could have edited more, but then these would never get posted. Now posted over on AO3
No powers means no Flash means no Reverse Flash means (at least in my happy little corner of the alternate world) Nora Allen never dies and Henry is never falsely imprisoned.
This of course means Barry doesn’t grow up with Joe and Iris. Instead he and Iris spend their entire childhood and adolescence still technically joined at the hip but not living under the same roof being raised by the same man, and it helps Iris clue into her feelings about Barry waaaayy earlier.
Barry and Iris start “dating” in the sixth grade, and remarkably don’t break up until their senior year of high school. They both agree they need space to grow and learn more about themselves away from each other, and it’s awkward as hell their entire senior year. Iris goes to prom with the star of the basketball team and doesn’t have a date at all, yet they both spend the whole night watching each other across the dance floor when they think the other isn’t looking.
Iris and Barry both go to CCU, Iris for journalism, Barry for nursing (he admires doctors, he really does, but he’s seen the job drive his father prematurely grey and anyway, nursing feels a lot more like treating the patient than just the disease, and all Barry’s ever wanted to do is help people)
Their sophomore year of college, after an excruciatingly long time of being “just friends” – being apart – Barry and Iris finally get back together. The time apart was good for them. It let Iris figure out who she is outside of “Detective West’s Kid” and “The Girl Dating Dr. Allen’s Son” and it let Barry explore his sexuality more and come to the point where he’s finally comfortable identifying as bi/ace. But on the other hand, my God does it feel good to be with each other again.
After Barry finishes school and gets his official nursing license, he and Iris move out of their parents’ homes and get a shitty apartment together in a shitty part of town, all they can afford with loan debts and Iris still in grad school getting her masters, but it’s home and they love it.
Barry proposes over a carton of Chinese takeout with a white sapphire that puts him out $250, which is simultaneously nothing and a fucking lot. Iris says yes before he has two words of the speech he spent three weeks planning out of his mouth, which is probably for the best, because he’s crying like a baby anyway. They both are.
Iris gets an internship at CCPN, which is where she gets the incredibly stupid idea to edge out the competition and earn a full time position by getting the exclusive story on a couple of big time thieves moving on mob territory in Central, which brings us to…
Len and Mick, whose backstories haven’t much changed much, except they’re married and have been since they just so happened to be on a job in Massachusetts in 2004, not that Len actively planned for it to work out that way, but that’s basically canon already, right?
Iris’ investigation takes her into incredibly dangerous territory she’s definitely lying to Barry about being in. Halfway through photographing evidence, a couple of goons from the Santini catch her in the act and point guns at her, and Iris is sure she’s done for, except the gunfire that follows doesn’t come from the Santinis and, surprisingly enough, isn’t directed at her.
That’s how Len and Iris are officially introduced, with bodies cooling at their feet and Iris five seconds away from a panic attack, but keeping it together better than Len ever expected from a civilian, and damn if that doesn’t impress him even more than her deep brown eyes and they way her clothes fit her like a second skin – and who flashes that much leg trespassing on a mob warehouse, anyway?
Len takes Iris out to a greasy, hole-in-the-wall diner to get her settled and avoid her going into shock while he calls Mick in to deal with the bodies at the warehouse. Iris is shaken but matches Len’s bravado about “people go missing all the time” and “certain things have a way of happening” and Len knows there’s no way he’s going to throw the young, aspiring journalist off her story, and he really doesn’t want to kill her. Something about the set of her jaw reminds him of someone he used to care about, and the faint smells of harissa and lamb.
Which is how Len starts acting as Iris’ inside source. He’s prickly about what information he will and won’t give her, and sometimes she pokes her nose where it doesn’t belong even after Len’s thrown her a bone he thought for sure would keep her out of things. They argue something fierce when that happens, but nothing like the night Iris ends up tied to a chair staring down the barrel of a Darbinyan’s gun and she’s more sure that she’s ever been that this is how she’s going to die.
Until Len shows up with some new gun she’s never seen before – a prototype he stole from STAR Labs, the same place that launched the wildly successful particle accelerator, Iris will learn later – that freezes every mobster solid like ice. He hits them with the hilt of the weapon on his way over for good measure, then he’s untying Iris from her chair, and Iris can’t even think to be nauseous over how gruesome and brutal Len was, how close she came to dying, because Len’s grabbing her by the elbow and pulling her to her feet, pushing her up against a chain link wall and yelling at her to never be so stupid again, and then he’s kissing her and… oh!
Iris doesn’t mean to kiss back, doesn’t even realize she is kissing back until her engagement ring catches on one of the clasps on Len’s leather jacket that she’s always thought he looked so good in – always though thinking as much was innocent, harmless – and she’s shoving Len back with a horrified gasp and fingers that fly so fast to her lips there’s no way Len doesn’t see the rock on her finger, even in the low, flickering lights of the warehouse.
Iris goes home that night sick with guilt. Len dropped her off a block away from her building, citing lingering concerns for her safety, but Iris isn’t so convinced it’s not because Len hoping to find something to say over the twenty minute car ride to make things right between them. When Iris puts her hand on the handle to get out, Len finally breaks the silence festering between them by croaking out a shaky admission of “I’m married” that only makes things worse.
Barry’s cooking breakfast on their crappy stove that only has one working burner when she gets home, just back from a shift at the hospital probably. He does that, cooks Iris breakfast when he has to work nights so they can spend at least some time together, and Iris feels like shit. Barry’s brow furrows, worried and surprised to see her just getting home instead of being in bed asleep, and Iris breaks down into a fit of tears before she can even slide the deadbolt in place. She tells Barry everything, and he cries too, and the eggs burn, and it’s not a good day.
Len meets back up with Mick at the warehouse to clean up the defrosting mobster pieces and keep the CCPD off their trail. Mick knows something’s off with Len from the moment he catches sight of him. Mick knows about Iris, knows her having such a close brush with death probably rattled Len a lot more than he was expecting, thinks he’s probably trying to wall up whatever clusterfuck of emotions are swirling behind his eyes like he always does when people get too close, like they both do, part of the reason they’ve been off about as much as they’ve been on over the last twenty-some odd years. He doesn’t expect Len to say, quiet but icy as Mick’s ever heard him, “I fucked up.” Partly because Len’s never one to admit his mistakes. But also because Mick’s pretty sure he made it clear – or as clear as he can without them ever really talking about it, because Mick can’t do talking, can’t get past the lump in his throat and the unshakable fear ever time he tries that promises he’ll say something wrong and fuck everything up – that making a move on Iris West was definitely on the table.
Mick and Iris meet for the first time a week later. There’s a huge power struggle between the Santini’s and the Darbinyan’s happening that’s sure to leave both sides gutted (which he and Len had nothing to do with, if anyone asks) and Mick can see how much Len’s itching to slip Iris some insider information. Idiot’s go the file all put together and everything. He’s just too chicken shit to make a move, won’t say what exactly happened the last time he tried – if he even did try – but it can’t be half as bad a Len’s building it up to be. He just the kind of guy that deals a lot of his own lashes, so to speak.
Mick corners Iris as she’s walking home through the park. It’s after dark and Mick knows going in it’s gonna give her a hell of a scare, but he can’t see another way to get to her, and she’s the one walking alone at night in a neighborhood like this like she’s got no reason to be afraid. He barely gets his hand around Iris’ wrist before she comes up with pepper spray from her purse and she gets him good in the jaw anyway, and even before she goes still enough to get a good look at her, Mick gets every bit of what Len sees.
Mick finally gets why Len’s so prickly when he sees the rock on Iris’ finger, when his introduction is met with her stammered apology that’s both contrite and lanced with an edge of genuine terror her never wanted to make a wildfire like her feel. Mick passes the envelope off, tells her no hard feelings, and leaves as quickly as he came before her soft lips and fierce spirit manage to drag him into whatever hell they’ve got Len burning in.
Iris wars over what to do with the information for an impressive two hours before running with the story. She’s not even surprised at her own behavior, unfair as it might be to Barry. This isn’t about her feelings. It’s about her career. Somehow, the pages still smell like Len – sandalwood and wintergreen and orange blossom – and Iris tries to pretend it doesn’t make her heart skip a beat.
Mick acts as Iris’ informant from then on. She tells Barry after she publishes her first article using Len’s information delivered through Mick, and Barry understands her obligation to her career, respects it even. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t start tagging along to info drops that turn more and more into strange, almost social outings the longer the arrangement goes on. After almost six months of Len running Iris intel through Mick, Barry and Iris meet Mick at a sketchy bar downtown and order hot wings and cheap beer and Iris doesn’t even realize until she and Barry get home that no information had even been exchanged – the meeting (or was it a date?) hadn’t even been set up under the pretext of doing as much.
The first time Iris sees Len again after the kissing incident comes when she runs into Mick dragging his listless body up the stairwell in her apartment building and Iris doesn’t even ask how or when Mick found out where she lives. She knows Mick knows Barry’s a nurse, and that’s the only thought she can process, the only thought that screams at her as she rushes forward to prop Len up on his other side and help Mick haul him up the last two flights of stairs. She doesn’t think about how the pit falls out of her stomach at the thought of losing Len, or that she’s bringing the man she had an affair with – if not physically, at least emotionally, Iris is a big enough girl to admit that much – to her fiancé to beg with him if she has to to save his life, or that the man who’s helping her do it is Len’s husband who she realizes, as she notices the cut on the the side of his cheek for the fist time, she’s just as worried about.
Iris’ cry for help is so chilling, haunting, it wakes Barry up in a cold sweat. He’s still in his underwear when he stumbles into the main room of their apartment and sees her and Mick carry in a man who’s either already dead or on his way fast. It registers with Barry that this has to be Len – Leonard Snart – criminal kingpin, subject of Iris’ past indiscretion. But the desperate look in Mick and Iris’ eyes alike keeps from even breaking stride. Barry’s wide away, directing Mick to lay Len down on the couch, rivers of blood and all, and yelling at Iris to get him his first aid kit and clean set of towels.
The fact that Len’s still breathing after Barry pulls two slugs out of him and stitches up close to a dozen knife wounds is a miracle. Mick sits vigil on the floor by Len’s head waiting for him to wake up and Iris stands as far away as she can manage in an apartment their size while still keeping an eye on Len, too. Eyes that look worried, but also incredibly guilty and self-loathing, and Barry feels every ounce of hurt and uncertainty leave him in one heavy breath. He presses along Iris’ side and holds her tight and whispers a soft “okay” in her hair that he follows up with a soft, delicate kiss, and Iris sags against him, buries her head in his shoulder, and cries, but this time, it’s with relief.
Len isn’t fit to go anywhere for a few days, and it sounds like it should be a disaster, but they adapt to it quickly, almost naturally. They give Len the bed as soon as he’s mobile and Mick stays with him, unwilling to leave his side, not that Iris or Barry blame him. Iris and Barry buy a shitty air mattress to lay out in the main room that always deflates by morning, but it’s not like either of them were repeatedly shot and stabbed, so they make it work. Barry comes back from grocery shopping with Mick one afternoon to see Iris curled up against Len’s side in the bedroom, both fast asleep, and it doesn’t make jealously well up in Barry’s throat like the thought it would. Barry and Mick cook supper together and Mick’s hands trail over Barry’s finger on the knife, against the small of his back as the navigate the tight space. They eat soup together around the same rickety table Barry proposed at nearly three years ago, and it feels oddly right.
When the nurse walks out of Kian’s room, I jump out of the uncomfortable chair and run over to him. My boyfriend had been in a car wreck a few hours ago and they just got through running all of their tests.
“You can go see him now. One at a time though” He glances at the large group of people sitting behind me. “His memory isn’t great right now. We don’t want to overwhelm him.” He walks away from me.
I turn around and tell our friends that I want to go first. I know it’s selfish, but I can’t help it. I need to see him. Need to talk to him. They all nod, telling me to go ahead.
When I open the door he quickly looks up at me. His face is confused.
“The nurse said we could come in now. All of our friends are outside waiting. Are you okay? Does anything hurt? What happ-”
“Who are you?” He interrupts my rambling. And that’s all it takes for the tears to start pouring. I feel like I can’t breathe. Like everything I had ever loved had just been taken fro me in that single sentence.
When the nurse said his memory wasn’t great I thought he meant maybe he couldn’t remember the crash. Maybe he couldn’t remember the day leading up to the crash. Maybe even the last few days. I didn’t think he had forgotten the last two years. I didn’t think my boyfriend that I loved with all of my heart had forgotten my entire existence.
I don’t say another word to him before I turn and walk out of the hospital room. What’s the point? He doesn’t know me.
I look at the faces of our roommates. Some of our closest friends. They all rush to me to figure out what happened. Franny wraps her arms around me. Jc’s hands are on my shoulder. Bobby and Corey both look like they want to hug me but Franny is so they just stand beside her.
“H-he doesn’t r-r-remember me.” I hiccup out. The tears are still steadily coming and breathing is harder than it was in the room.
Every one of their expressions get sadder. If that’s even possible at this point.
“Alright. It’s gonna be okay. All we have to do is make him fall in love with you again. It shouldn’t be that hard. I mean you’re a lovable person and he’s already done it once.” Corey suggests.
“Yeah but all of the memories we had together. They’re just gone.” I mumble. Franny is just now letting go of me.
“Okay so when all of us go in there, we can all tell him stories of you two. Try to jog his memory. I mean the guy was crazy over you. No way that’s just gone all of a sudden.” Jc says. I smile weakly at him. Maybe it wasn’t a great plan but I didn’t have a better one.
Filling a bunch of baby/child themed requests. We have: Van helping Reader through labour (“with all the gross ins and outs”), Van being a very attentive and hands on father (e.g. will get up in the night even if it’s not his turn) and doesn’t need to have the kid all to himself (“some fathers want to have private special moments with the baby, but Van doesn’t… Like, he wants you to be in every moment, building every memory”), Van feeling bad about leaving for tour, Van coming home and his kid has grown up a bit and doesn’t really recognise him, and everyone swooning over Van and Reader’s toddler.
There were many things about giving birth that nobody spoke about. Mostly, those things related to body fluid. People could talk and talk and talk about the miracle of bringing a perfect little human being into the world, they could spend hours going through the ins and outs of the exhaustion and subsequent joy, but… the blood. The unidentifiable yellowy goop. White sticky stuff. All unsaid. So, despite reading about it in books and online, it was all still very overwhelming to be drained of any and all liquid your body could produce. Even your nose poured with snot. In the moment, you couldn’t work out if you were crying because of that, or because you were tired, or because of the pain, or because of everything else ever.
Van wiped the sweat and snot away, and when the contractions reached their painful peak, he did what the doctor said and applied as much pressure to your lower back as possible. “Remember. They said it’s worse if you fight it,” Van said in an attempt to help.
“Get absolutely fucked, Van. Feels like my internal organs are being fucking twisted and pulled out with the goddamn fucking baby,” you spat. Van didn’t reply but just continued to rub your back. The doctors and nursing staff seemed unfazed by your swearing. They’d probably heard worse.