Is it bad that I want to like Tamlin again?
No. I like him as a character. I think Feyre should stay the heck away from him, but he’s not a lost cause. There was ZERO evidence to suggest he couldn’t change. He’s not all bad. He was an ass in the first book, had a bit of PTSD he wasn’t properly dealing with, and then after UTM, he just crashed. And his trauma ate him alive and there was no one qualified around to help him. Same as there was no one qualified around to help Feyre or Lucien, right? Tamlin needs help. And he has to want to help himself to be able to get the help he needs. (I’m related to a psychiatric nurse practitioner who read the books and I’ve picked her brain about Tamlin many times.)
He’s not a bad guy. He has done bad things. But to reduce him to just being a bad guy or an abuser is to lack a fundamental understanding of mental illness and trauma.
And that’s hard for people, to walk in someone else’s shoes or to see the situation from their perspective. It’s kinda like when Mark Wahlberg said if he’d been on that 9/11 flight it wouldn’t have gone down. It’s easy, and comforting, to think that we would have acted differently, that we could have altered the outcome somehow. But that’s a beautiful, ignorant lie. Because we can never know. And It’s easier to judge other people for wrongdoings or for what they did or didn’t do than to consider the alternative—that we would have done the same thing.
So if you ask me, Tamlin gets to come back from what he did. We always get to come back. (Unless you have a personality disorder, which Tamlin doesn’t have.) But we have to do the work, and we have to own what we did and suffer the consequences of our actions. If I were Feyre, I’d forever stay the hell away from him. And if she were my friend in the real world, that’s the advice I’d give. But that doesn’t mean Tamlin doesn’t get to be saved too. And it doesn’t mean that he can’t learn from his actions and change. We get to come back. Always.