he just is the greatest man ever

8

“To me Van Gogh is the finest painter of them all. Certainly the most popular, great painter of all time. The most beloved, his command of colour most magnificent. He transformed the pain of his tormented life into ecstatic beauty. Pain is easy to portray, but to use your passion and pain to portray the ecstasy and joy and magnificence of our world, no one had ever done it before. Perhaps no one ever will again. To my mind, that strange, wild man who roamed the fields of Provence was not only the world’s greatest artist, but also one of the greatest men who ever lived.”

Doctor Who , Season 5 Episode 10 ,Vincent

Vincent Willem van Gogh ( 30 March 1853 – 29 July 1890) was a Dutch Post-Impressionist painter who is among the most famous and influential figures in the history of Western art. In just over a decade he created about 2,100 artworks, including around 860 oil paintings, most of them in the last two years of his life in France, where he died. They include landscapes, still lifes, portraits and self-portraits, and are characterised by bold colours and dramatic, impulsive and expressive brushwork that contributed to the foundations of modern art. His suicide at 37 followed years of mental illness and poverty.

Van Gogh suffered from psychotic episodes and delusions and though he worried about his mental stability, he often neglected his physical health. His friendship with Gauguin ended after a confrontation with a razor, when in a rage, he severed part of his own left ear. He spent time in psychiatric hospitals, including a period at Saint-Rémy. After he discharged himself he came under the care of the homeopathic doctor Paul Gachet. His depression continued and on 27 July 1890, Van Gogh shot himself in the chest with a revolver. He died from his injuries two days later.

How High?
  • “I didn’t have any money for food, so I searched ‘pizza slideshows’ on YouTube & watched videos of pizza until I fell asleep." 
  • "I searched for 20 minutes to find the burger I’d been eating, so I walked 7 blocks to McDonald’s to get another one before realizing it was in my hand the entire time. I had eaten half of it on the way there." 
  • "My friend and I were playing Mario Cart Racing in Nintendo 64. We finished the race & both got excited because we placed 1st. Turns out, I was watching her screen the whole time & my character on my screen was stuck banging into a wall." 
  • "I cuddled with my warm laundry for 20 minutes." 
  • "I smoked a bowl and began to drive home - an hour away. I developed an intimate bond with the truck in front of me. I felt like it was my mama elephant & I was its baby holding onto its tail. I nearly cried when the truck changed lanes." 
  • "The ticket said, 'Found in a tree; attempted assault on officers; tried to pass as a monkey.’" 
  • "I went to my communications class. The teacher asked me to do a quick introduction speech, so I said 'hi, my name is’, laughed for 2 minutes, apologized, walked out, & immediately dropped the class." 
  • "I asked my mom why she would accuse me of smoking in her house, & she said 'because you’re holding a joint.’" 
  • "I was dancing around in my room to the most upbeat song ever, only to realize it was actually the wind. After deciding Lady Gaga ain’t got shit on the wind, a bird started chirping & I started smiling at the idea of a bird coming in, yelling out "REMIX” & joining in on the song.“ 
  • "I watched a bug snapper for an hour by myself, & I screamed "MAN DOWN” whenever a mosquito flew into it.“ 
  • "I just held up my headphone to an ant I found because I was listening to techno & thought he might want to rave." 
  • "I got in the shower & realized my socks were still on. Instead of taking them off, I made up a song about having socks on in the shower. It was awesome." 
  • "I was playing a video game where I was riding around on a horse, my friend turned to me & said, 'this is the greatest movie I’ve ever seen.’" 
  • "Our dad came in to check on us. I was sitting on my bed laughing at nothing & when he looked at me, I tried to hide behind my slice of pizza." 
Five Times Tony Stark Was a Good Dad (And One Time He Wasn’t)

So, I’m obsessed with the whole idea that Peter is Tony’s unofficial son and it’s only supported by Tony’s appearance in Spider-Man Homecoming, so I came up with this series, which is in the works and also posted on my AO3 account. If you like it or have any suggestions as to where I should take this, please don’t hesitate to let me know! Also, forgive any spelling errors or mistakes, I finished this at three in the morning one night and I was too lazy to go back and fix them. Enjoy!

Read Part 2 here

~~~~~~

Tony swore when he was twelve years old that he would never be a father. He remembered that moment clearly, like it had just happened a day ago, not well over thirty years ago. He was in his room, his father still screaming in a drunken rage at his mother over something Tony did, his anger and disappointment following Tony down the hallway of their New York penthouse apartment. He remembered sitting on the cold tile floor of his room, head rest against the heavy wooden door that was doing nothing to muffle his father’s harsh words.

His father was angry, Tony had gotten kicked out of his third private school on the East Coast, the letter expulsion still clutched in his father’s harsh grasp. He wasn’t sure if he had ever seen his father this furious before and Tony knew that the only thing that saved him from taking a glass full of scotch to the face was his mother’s presence in the room. Maria Stark might’ve been docile about a lot of things, but Howard taking his rage out on Tony physically, that would never fly in this house hold.

Tears of anger and embarrassment welled in Tony’s eyes and he wiped them away furiously, refusing to waste anymore energy on that man that he was forced to acknowledge as his father. No matter what Tony did, it was never enough to please Howard Stark. He made his first prototype of an arch reactor at the age of six, Howard wanted it by age five. Tony skipped three grades, Howard wanted him to skip four. Tony, despite his age, was offered a spot at MIT and if Howard had it his way? He would’ve been there a year ago. No matter how much Tony achieved, how many goals he surpassed, he always came up short in Howard’s eyes. Being the constant source of Howard’s disappointment and ire made Tony wonder if he would ever succeed in his father’s eyes, if his dad would ever clap him on the back and say “I’m proud of you, son.”

He wondered, some nights, when he’d lie awake in his too big bed in his too big room in his too big house, if his father had ever wanted children, had wanted Tony.

The thought crossed his mid countless of times, until it latched onto his cerebral cortex and sat there, like the worst form of cancer that had no possible cure.

And while Tony sat there, head resting tiredly against the warm wood, Howard’s voice still echoing down the long hallway, that cancer spread until it proved fatal.

He never wanted his children to feel like this.

Unwanted

Worthless

A complete and utter failure.

Tony was self-aware enough to know that the apple didn’t fall far from the tree, that human nature was a pattern and patterns were destined to repeat themselves, without fail. Anger and rage and disappointment were the only form of affection Tony was used to getting to his father. His father was a cold man, always keeping Tony at a distance that no matter how hard he tried, Tony could never quite breach.

And Tony knew, no matter how hard he tried, he would always end up like his father.

~~~~~~~

Peter Parker came into his life unexpectedly and despite popular opinion, unplanned. He’d been keep tabs on the Spider-Kid since the kid popped up on his radar a few months ago, clad in that god awful homemade leotard/hoodie contraption and flying around Queens on his webs with all the grace of a child learning to walk for the first time. Tony never planned to actually meet the kid behind the mask or reaching out to the flying kid in his homemade costume, but when the Avengers disbanded and the only family Tony had ever known was decreasing in numbers, he needed back up.

Looking back, his intentions were purely selfish and it shamed him to admit, when he dropped the kid back off in his sketchy neighborhood in Queens with the new suit he’d made him, he never had any intention of keeping in contact with the kid.

To absolve himself from the guilt, he appointed Happy as his chaperone and threw himself into creating new legs for Rhodey, another way to attempting to soothe ache of guilt that had settled along with the shrapnel, in his battered heart.

He underestimated Peter, who was pushy and persistent and finally, after three months, Happy threw his phone at Tony and told him to call the kid. That night, Tony, with a glass of scotch in hand, filtered through the hundreds of voicemails Peter had left Happy—anecdotes of his daily patrols, everything from helping old ladies cross the street, stopping bike thieves to getting cats out of trees. Each story was told with excruciating detail, in that excited ramble the kid got whenever he was particularly enthused about something and warmth settled around Tony’s heart, fond amusement making his lips curl into his first genuine smile in months.

It took Tony another week to reach out to the kid, but he did and that’s how he found himself, in one of his more flashier cars, sitting outside of Peter’s school. He ignored the gawking, the stunned stares and the whispers of the students filtering out of the school, his eyes scanning the crowd before they landed on a familiar head of messy hair.

Peter was talking excitedly to the chubby, dark haired Asian kid by his side, who was nodding along to everything Peter said with a look of pure wonder on his face and Tony wondered briefly if his little friend knew that his BFF moonlighted as a super-hero in spandex at night.

Another kid appeared by Peter’s side and Tony watched as Peter visibly tensed and tried to skirt around the kid, but the kid threw a hand out and stopped Peter in his tracks.

The cocky grin that appeared on the kid’s face was all too familiar to Tony and before he could even second guess himself, he was out of his car and walking towards the three boys, ignoring the murmurs coming from the crowd.

“—when are you gonna stop lying about your internship with Tony Stark, Penis Parker? There’s no way someone like Tony Stark would ever take on a charity case like you—“

Peter looked up when he heard the murmuring crowd fall to a hush and his gaze landed on Tony. The amount of surprise in the kid’s features made Tony’s gut clench that in no way had to do with the greasy cheeseburger he ate on the way over here.

“M-Mr. Stark, what, uh, what are you doing here?” Peter stammered, flicking his gaze back to would be bully in front of him.

“Yeah, Parker, like I’m gonna fall for that—

“Is there a problem here, gentlemen?” Tony interrupted, smirking in satisfaction when the kid that was giving Peter a hard time, froze, turning his disbelieving eyes on to Tony.

“Y-You-You’re Tony Stark.” He said faintly, his voice shaking.

Tony smirked, “Astute observation and you are?”

The kid gulped, his adams apple bobbing harshly, “F-Flash Thompson.”

“Makes sense,” Tony said with a nod of his head, looking the kid up and down, “I’d bully someone too, if my parents named me after the lamest superhero to ever grace the pages of a comic book, overcompensation and all that,” Tony said thoughtfully, “especially with your perceived fixation on the male genitalia. Tell me, did it take you a while to come up with something that juvenile or did you have someone equally as childish think it up for you? Because I would think someone with—and I’m assuming here, so correct me if my deductive reasoning skills are off—a high level of intelligence would come up with something a little bit more creative than ‘Penis Parker’.”

By the time Tony was done, the crowd around him was snickering and the kid in front of him looked like he wanted nothing more than the ground to open up and swallow him whole, if such things were possible.

Tony smiled, but there was nothing nice about, “Now, if I ever catch wind of you so much as looking in Peter’s direction again and trust me, kid, I’ve got my ways, I have no issue siccing my AI on all your school records and wreaking havoc on your future plans for any Ivy League schools, you reading me kid?”

Flash nodded so vigorously he resembled a bobble head, “Y-Yes, Sir.”

Tony smiled, this one much more kind than the last, “Good, I’m glad we could reach an understanding, now running along so I can talk to my intern here without your sorry excuse for cologne clouding my senses, seriously kid less is more.”

Flash tucked his proverbial tail between his legs and pushed through the crowd of people that were now openly laughing, losing interest in Tony in favor of chasing after Flash to mock him.

Tony shouldn’t feel as proud as he did, but he knew what it was like to be bullied and he’d be damned if his kid—ahem, someone like Peter had to deal with someone as childish as Flash Thompson every day and it was within his power to do something about it. Like kid didn’t already have enough to deal with as it was.

He turned back to see a dumbfounded Peter and his equally as flabbergasted friend.

“That was—” Peter began, but seemed to be at a loss for words, shaking his head in disbelief.

His friend, however, didn’t seem to have that particular problem.

“—AWESOME!” His friend said excitedly, “oh man did you see Flash’s face? Dude, this is greatest thing to ever happen to me. Tony Stark just verbally assaulted Flash, Jesus dude, how is this your life? If you ever want to trade, even if it’s just for a day, I’m totally down—“

Ned.” Peter muttered, elbowing him roughly, giving a rough jerk of his head in Tony’s direction. He flicked his apologetic gaze over to Tony, who simply rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t deny the amused smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

Ned followed his gaze and flushed, “Right, sorry.”

Peter closed his eyes for a moment and Tony could see the kid physically trying to fight off his embarrassment and couldn’t help but chuckle.

Peter’s eyes snapped open at the sound and the surprise and confusion from earlier was back, “Mr. Stark, what are you doing here? At my school? Is everything okay? Is there a—“ Peter glanced around in a sad attempt at nonchalance and lowered his voice to an equally as sad attempt at a whisper, “—mission?” he asked, wiggling his eyebrows in a manner that was making Tony wonder if the kid had a weird twitch he’d never noticed before.

Tony glanced over at Ned quickly, going back to his original curiosity of how much the kid actually knew about his arachnid friend here, but Ned seemed to catch on to Tony’s unasked question.

“Don’t worry Mr. Stark, sir, I’m Peter’s Guy In The Chair.” Ned answered helpfully, giving him a bright smile.

Tony glanced back over at Peter with a raised eyebrow, who simply muttered “dude” in an exasperated tone, shaking his head before returning his attention to Tony, “Ned knows.”

“Oh, well, in that case, no, there is no…mission,” Tony said in a mock whisper, making Peter flush, “I’m working on a new Iron Man suit and I need to pick your brain for some ideas on upgrades, figured I’d swing by and pick you up from school today.”

Peter’s eyes widened and Ned seemed torn between fainting or peeing himself from excitement.

“You get to touch the Iron Man suit?!” He squeaked, turning his wide-eyed gaze over to Peter, who only gave Ned a look, who bit his lip sheepishly, but looked like he was ready to explode from the level of his enthusiasm.

Peter ignored him, “I was supposed to help Ned finish the lego Death Star today, we were supposed to do it yesterday, but I uh, kinda got caught up on patrol.” Peter gave Tony a guilty shrug of his shoulders.

“So let me get this straight,” Tony said slowly, “you’re turning down quality time in my personal lab to build a lego Death Star with Ned over here?”

Peter’s eyes had lit up at the mentions of Tony’s lab, but with quick glance at a wide eyed Ned, who seemed to be stuck on the fact that Tony Stark said his name, his excitement dimmed. But Peter was loyal, almost to a fault, and nodded resolutely.

Tony, seemingly at a loss for words, just stood there, shellshocked at being told no, by a fifteen year old kid at that. A small part of Tony, the one that was actually looking forward to hanging out with the kid, was slightly hurt at the rejection.

Ned, who’d been watching the entire scene with wide eyes, was more observant than he looked and seemed to sense Peter’s indecision and Tony’s disappointment, because he gave his friend a bright smile, “Dude, we can finish the Death Star anytime and besides, my mom wanted me home tonight to help her with something, so I’m booked, raincheck?” He offered.

Peter glanced at Ned then at Tony and then back to Ned, “Um, sure Ned, no problem.”

Ned gave him a smile and then turning his attention back to Tony, his friendly smiled turned a bit more to the manic grin that most people wore in Tony’s presence, “It was really nice to meet you Mr. Stark.”

He offered Peter a fist bump, who returned it, before he started walking down the side walk, towards, what Tony assumed, was home.

Turning his attention back to the kid, he gave him a smile, “Good good, now we should probably be on our way if we want to avoid traffic. Now, as far as suit upgrades go, I was thinking of up-ing the suit’s repulsers a bit—hey, kid, you coming?” Tony asked from his position on the driver’s side, raising an eyebrow at Peter, who was still standing on the side walk. Tony followed his gaze and saw Ned still making his way down the sidewalk and chancing a glance back at Peter, who was still watching him with big, guilty eyes, he sighed.

The things I do for you, kid, Tony thought to himself.

“Hey, Ned,” Tony shouted, making the kid pause and turn around, looking to Peter, who was watching Tony with the beginnings of a smile, then back to Tony curiously, “would you like to join us? There’s plenty of room in the lab for three people.”

Even from a few yards away, Tony could see the kid’s eyes widen in surprise before he hustled his way back to an equally excited Peter, who shot him a grateful look.

“Thank you, Mr. Stark.” He said quietly, giving him a bright smile.

And Tony couldn’t help but smile back, “You’re welcome, kiddo,” eyeing a panting Ned warily, “make sure he doesn’t do anything…weird, okay? I don’t mind opening my lab to him but there was something in his eyes when I was talking about the Iron Man suit that made me decidedly uncomfortable.”

Peter gave a breathy laugh, “Don’t worry, Mr. Stark, Ned’s cool.”

Ned, who had come to a slightly sweaty stop in from them, looked up at Tony with wide eyes, “Can I try on the Iron Man helmet?”

“Dude.”

~~~~~~~~~

Tony spent the majority of their time in lab just watching Peter and Ned run around like kids in a candy store—picking things up, playing with the robots—DUM-E taking a special liking to Peter, who, Tony was pleased to see, treated him like a human, thanking him when he brought them water from the stocked fridge and smiling when DUM-E beeped happily in return—and played with all the gadgets laying around.

Tony, albeit wearily, let them try on one of the Iron Man helmets from one of his earlier models and explained to them how the suit worked, both of them hanging on to his every word. He showed them the blue prints for his newest model, listening to their suggestions and even writing a few them down to look into later.

Ned, Tony found out, was rather intelligent with computers. He gave him one of his old security systems and watched with genuine interest as the kid hacked into the the files with ease and recoded the entire system in a matter of minutes.

When Tony looked it over, he let out a grunt of an approval, “Nice work, kid.”

Ned all but fainted at Tony’s praise.

The hours slipped by and F.R.I.D.A.Y. being the helpful AI that she is, had ordered pizzas without Tony even having to ask and had them sent to the kitchen, alerting them when they had arrived. Tony led them up to the kitchen, watching with thinly veiled amusement as they both took in every new surrounding with the same amount of interest they had shown in the lab.

Tony continued to observe them as they tore into the pizza like they hadn’t eaten in days and taking a quick glance at the clock, he realized with a flash of guilt, that they had been down in the lab for over four hours and the last time they had probably eaten something would’ve been well over seven or eight hours ago.

It was nice, Tony deiced, listening to their mindless chatter and what was especially nice, was seeing how at ease Peter was with his friend, looking like a true fifteen year old with his friend over to his house on a school night, like he didn’t have super powers, like he didn’t dress up in tight spandex and web his way through Queens and fight crime at night while trying to balance a normal life.

The thought nagged at Tony for the rest of dinner and as he rode silently with them in the backseat while Happy drove them all to Ned’s apartment first, who still looked like he couldn’t believe today was real, thanking Tony breathlessly for the best day of his life and telling Peter he’d see him tomorrow at school.

Peter watched his friend with a small, amused smile and when they got to Peter’s apartment building, Tony glanced over at the kid, the smile still had yet to leave his face.

“Alright kid, this is your stop,” Tony said, making a move to undo his seatbelt, but the kid’s hesitant voice made him pause.

“Mr. Stark?” Peter said softly, clearing his throat, “I uh, just wanted to thank you, you know for well, everything,” the kid breathed, smiling up at him so sincerely that it made Tony’s chest ache in the best sort of way, “today was amazing and I really appreciate you inviting Ned along with us, he really looks up to you, you know? And I haven’t really been able to spend much time with him since, y’know, the whole Spider-Man thing.”

The kid paused before continuing on in a softer voice, “And about Flash, I really, really don’t know how to thank you for that,” he rubbed the back of his neck, clearly embarrassed, “it’s kind of funny, in a way, I’m a sort of super-hero and I can’t even stand up to a bully—“

Tony’s heart squeezed painfully in his chest at the kid’s self-deprecation, “Look, kid, I’m no stranger to bullies,” he began, sighing heavily, “I had my fair share of them when I was in school and even in college. I learned that while you may no be able to physically fight someone, you can always fight them with words and sometimes, words can hurt more than your fists. All I did was give that Flash kid a taste of his own medicine and hopefully, got him off your case.”

Peter was silent for a moment, considering Tony’s words before giving him another appreciative smile, “I don’t think Flash will be messing with me anytime soon, but still, thank you,” Peter’s smile turned shy, “you’re the first adult, other than May, to stand up for me and I really appreciate it, so thank you, Mr. Stark.”

“Call me Tony,” Tony offered after a beat of silence, unsure of how to respond to such a statement.

Whatever he was trying to say, the kid got, because he smiled brightly and Tony, suddenly feeling awkward at the unusual sentimental moment, busied himself with unbuckling his seatbelt, ignoring the warmth in his chest.

He reached around the kid to open the door for him and Peter, rather than getting out, just like last time, he reached up and wrapped his arms around Tony, thinking he was hugging him

“This um, wasn’t a hug,” Tony began awkwardly, “I’m just getting the door for you.”

However, before the kid could pull away, Tony wrapped his arms around him and gave him a quick, but firm squeeze.

Peter gave him another smile before wishing Tony and Happy a goodnight,  getting out of the car and making his way up towards his apartment. Tony debated on his next move, mulling it over quickly and before the kid could get too far, he found himself making a snap decision and rolling down he window.

“Hey, Underoos,” Tony started, slightly unsure when the kid turned around and looked at Tony with hopeful eyes.

“Same time, same place tomorrow?” He said after a moment of silence, the kid’s answering grin melting away any self doubt before it could begin.

“Sure Mr.Stark—Tony,” Peter stuttered excitedly, “sounds great!”

Tony watched the kid go with a satisfied smiled, so caught up in his happy little pseudo-family moment that he almost didn’t hear his phone ring.

Not even bothering to glance at the caller I.D., he answered it with a smooth, “Stark.”

“Tony?! What the hell we’re you thinking going to a school and threatening a minor, A MINOR—“

Shit.

~~~~~

Should I continue? Please let me know :)

Hook, Line, & Sinker

  Pairing: Finn Balor (Fergal Devitt) x Reader

A/N: If there is any band that reminds me the most of Finn Balor, it is Royal Blood. If you haven’t listened to them, go and do it, they’re ! This imagine is based on one of their songs, “Hook, Line, & Sinker”. 

Summary: Finn had multiple reasons for wanting to turn heel and redesign the Bullet Club, he was the founder, he could do whatever he pleased with it. Though, the heaviest influence comes from the fact that Finn knows all too well that Y/N’s a sucker for the bad boys and he’s itching for her attention. 

Warnings: Sexual Content (I didn’t intend for the smut, but there’s def smut), Language, also warning, this is VERY long.  

Word Count: 10,517 (I could not stop writing). 

She’s got the devil on one shoulder, and the other’s getting colder…  Then she drags me by one finger, to her lips, Hook, line & sinker… 

************************

A Demon does not crawl from the depths of hell to dance for man’s entertainment; a Demon does what they want, when they want, with whomever they want. 

To have this man whose greatest accomplishments were only achieved when calling upon a demon within him, as a face for the company, just seemed a bit foolish - and Finn was tired of looking like a fool. 

It seemed like ever since his return, all that he had been set up for was failure. Every match he agreed to be a part of was only ruined and manipulated to please the more villainous superstars of the WWE. 

While Finn was patted on the head like a child for being the good, cooperative, and hard-working employee he was, there were those like Joe and Bray who were being handed title opportunity after title opportunity for doing nothing but cheating their way to the top. 

Finn was absolutely tired of it. If he had stayed in NJPW, there was no doubt in his mind that he’d still be strutting around that country with the rest of the world on his back. When he was a heel - when he was with the Bullet Club - he was an absolute monster. 

Keep reading

🎶🎶When You Collect Records🎶🎶
  • Hipster: *moves dusty old boxes out of the way* Whoa, an old record player. It looks like it's in working order too! *runs outside*
  • Hipster: Yo, dad!
  • Dad: What?
  • Hipster: We're getting rid of all of poppop's stuff, right?
  • Dad: There's something you want, isn't there?
  • Hipster: There's this old stereo record player in the attic.
  • Dad: What do you need a record player for?
  • Hipster: My record collection.
  • Dad: I didn't even know they still made those things. Can't you just listen to music on your phone?
  • Hipster: Dad, there's a big difference between listening to music digitally and on record.
  • Dad: Fine, I don't wanna get into it with you right now. You can take the record player. You just have to get someone else to take it to your place for you. My truck's full.
  • Hipster: Thanks dad! *smooches dad on the cheek*
  • *later at hipster's apartment*
  • Friend: So, like Patch Adams ends with Patch Adams half-naked in front of a ton of people. I don't know if it was meant to be funny or like a weird sex thing, but like the movie was just a deeply disturbing character study. I can't stop thinking about it.
  • Hipster: That sounds boring. *unlocks door to apartment* Ta-da! Here it is! My new record player!
  • Friend: New? Looks fucking old to me, dude.
  • Hipster: Well, it is old. That's the appeal. And we're going to listen to the new Sufjan record on it.
  • Friend: Is that actually how you say Sufjan? Apparently, I've been pronouncing it wrong this whole time.
  • Hipster: Well, you won't after this record. There's an entire track where he just says his name for four minutes. It's amazing. *plays records*
  • Record Player: *coughs* Hello. Hello! Where am I? Doctor? Hello! Why is it so dark...............................Can I breathe? I can't breath. Oh god, I'm not breathing! Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god! I.....................................
  • Hipster: Uh, that's not Sufjan.
  • Friend: It totally isn't. Is it some guest vocalist? I like the new direction he's going in. No instruments or singing, and long stretches of silence. Very experimental.
  • Hipster: *stops record player* I think maybe we should do something else for now.
  • Friend: Fucking lame! I wanted to listen to more Sufjan.
  • *days later at the record store*
  • Hipster: Yo, I think the Sufjan Stevens record I bought from here might be some kind of mispress.
  • Store Clerk: Really? It's a pretty major album. I doubt there'd just be a mispress like that.
  • Hipster: Yeah, but listen to it. It's not Sufjan at all. It's some girl talking.
  • *hipster and clerk listen to a completely normal Sufjan Stevens album together*
  • Store Clerk: What are you talking about? This is definitely Sufjan Stevens.
  • Hipster: Okay, but it wasn't like that when I listened to it at home! I even listened to it with my friend and he heard the same thing!
  • Store Clerk: Maybe there's something wrong with your record player.
  • Hipster: Hmm, maybe there is.
  • *back at the apartment*
  • Hipster: *turns on record player and just listens*
  • Record Player: ...I'm awake again. Why did I black out? Did I even black out? God, I'm not breathing, but it doesn't matter. Why don't I need to breathe? Am I even alive?
  • Hipster: Can you hear me?
  • Record Player: Doctor. Doctor! DOCTOR! Why can't I move? Why can't I feel anything. Keep yourself together. It'll all make sense soon. Calm down. Just breathe deeply. Fuck, I can't breathe! AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I CAN'T BREATHE! DOCTOR! DOCTOR! DOCTOR! HELP! HELP ME, PLEASE! I'M STUCK! I CAN'T MOVE! PLEASE HELP ME!
  • Hipster: *turns off record player* It's just a recording, I bet. I can't believe I talked to it like an idiot... *nervously turns record player back on*
  • Record Player: I blacked out again. I blacked out. For how long? Is there even time here? Hell. This is hell, right? Did I go to hell.........................................
  • Hipster: *listens to the record player for hours*
  • Record Player: Negative 6893 bottles of wine on the wall! Negative 6893 bottles of wine! Take one down, pass it around, Negative 6894 bottles of wine on the wall... fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME! AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
  • Hipster: *keeps listening*
  • Record Player: Soul of Christ, make me holy, Body of Christ, be my salvation. God, please forgive me. I'm sorry for all of my sins. Please free me. I'm so sorry. Please. Please. Please.
  • Hipster: *still listening*
  • Record Player: FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! SHITTY DOCTOR! FUCK YOU! LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT! *sobs intensely* FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK EVERYTHING! Please just let me go.
  • Hipster: *nervously walks up to record player and lightly taps on it*
  • Record Player: ...A knock. A KNOCK! PLEASE HELP ME! I'M STUCK! PLEASE! *record player begins shake violently*
  • Hipster: *backs away in fear*
  • Record Player: HELP! HELP! HELP ME! PLEASE, IF SOMEONE'S THERE, HELP ME! HELP ME! I'M STUCK! GET ME OUT OF HERE, PLEASE!
  • Hipster: *unplugs record player*
  • Hipster: *gets hammer from the closet and begins to break apart record player*
  • Record Player: *drips red*
  • Hipster: W-What? *cracks front of record player open*
  • *rotting viscera falls from the record player*
  • Hipster: O-Oh... *stuffs viscera back into the record player and duct tapes over it*
  • Hipster: *turns record player back on*
  • Record Player: ...I can feel. It hurts. Why does it hurt now? Why does it hurt? Why? Why? Why? WHY!? WHY!? WHY!? *spurts blood through it speakers and begins to gurgle*
  • Record Player: *hops forward* Please just let me go. Please... please. I'll do anything. I just want to see you again. I'm so sorry. This isn't what I asked for. I'm so sorry. *hops forward again and comes unplugged*
  • Record Player: *tips over, bleeding heavily onto the carpet*
  • Hipster: *silently cleans up the mess*
  • *some time later*
  • Hipster: *calls dad* Hey, dad. Oh, nothing. Uh, I just need to borrow your truck, If not tonight sometime this week. I just need to get rid of something. No, no, that's fine, I can do it myself. Yeah, tomorrow morning is perfect. Thanks Love you too. Bye.
  • *the next afternoon*
  • Dad: So, what did you need to get rid of this morning?
  • Hipster: Nothing important. Just some old junk... Dad, what kind of person was poppop?
  • Dad: Well, he was only the greatest man I've known in my life. Really caring, dedicated to his family. When you were born he loved you so much. He was a bit of a loner, though. It took a lot to get him to open up. Even around me and your grandmother. He was a bit like you. Always a huge music lover.
  • Hipster: I see. Was he ever a doctor?
  • Dad: That's a weird thing to ask. Nope. He hated doctors. Didn't trust modern medicine one bit. It's ironic. His cancer probably wouldn't have gotten to him if he did. But, your poppop was always so stubborn.
  • Hipster: Oh, okay then.
  • *some days later*
  • Friend: New carpet?
  • Hipster: Yup, old one was ugly wasn't it. It was time for a change.
  • Friend: That's what I've been telling you! I'm glad you finally came to your senses. What happened to your record player, though?
  • Hipster: That thing? I threw it away. It was busted.
  • Friend: That sucks. Are you gonna buy a new one?
  • Hipster: No.
  • Friend: But you won't have anything to play your records on.
  • Hipster: Yeah, but I buy records because I want to support the artists. They're not really for listening. Besides, lossless is better. FLAC is the future.
“Hey mom ! ...I mean Mrs. Stark...” - Tony Stark x Reader x awkward!Peter Parker

Summary : Peter calls Tony and his wife (the reader) “dad” and “mom” by accident and…oh it’s awkward. 

Just a silly little story. Wrote in ten minutes on the verge of exhaustion, because I have almost no free time lately and…yeah. Uh. Hope you’ll still like it.

My masterlist blog : https://ella-ravenwood-archives.tumblr.com

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It was the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to him. By far. 

It outdid that time when, as Spider-Man, he hit a signboard while swinging from web to web, and fell face first down in a busy NYC street…There were videos on YouTube, and pictures on the internet of “The Friendly neighborhood Spider greatest fail”…but at least, no one saw his face. No one actually knew him. 

But now ? Oh God. He was good old and regular Peter Parker and everyone knew it. And this all thing was embarrassing beyond all measure ! 

He had just called Mrs. Stark “mom” on live TV ! 

He obviously didn’t mean to but…it was the stress really. 

People were starting to get curious about Anthony Stark’s mysterious intern, and he just had to give an interview about it so as not to blow his cover. After all, it was the first time Tony’s company was taking interns ! And everyone was curious about that guy that teenage boy who got the first one ever. 

With how obsessed with the Starks the World was, the interview was a huge deal…Millions of people watched the great Iron man’s new protégé, the boy so many were jealous of for landing the best internship ever at Stark Industries.

The journalists asked him hundred of questions, and everything was going smoothly. Besides, Peter felt like with Mr. Stark by his side, he was invincible, his hero and role model giving him strength…Up until he talked about you and used the word “mom” to do so…And you were right next to him…Oh, awkward.

It happened barely a second ago but he already rewinded the scene in his head a thousand times…The journalist asked :

-How is it to be so often in the presence of Tony Stark, a genius and also one of the biggest and most famous superhero on Earth ? 

And stupid, embarrassing, idiotic, nervous Peter answered :

-It’s ok really, Mr. Stark is amazing, and his wife, Mrs (Y/N) Stark is really great, right mom ? 

And he turned to you. Right after he called you “mom” in front of millions of people…and just froze. Why didn’t he stop at “Mrs. (Y/N) Stark is really great”, why the Hell did he turn to you and said “right mom ?”…he would never know. 

There was a sudden silence in the room, all the journalists and even the damn security guards staring at Peter. He cleared his throat and laughed nervously, but he wasn’t able to say anything. 

He glanced quickly at Tony and your husband was just like everyone else right now, staring at him, probably thinking : “wait…what did he say ?”.

This was Peter’s worst nightmare. Public humiliation. Saying something so damn stupid. In front of so many people…

Keep reading

  • Reporter: Connor-
  • Leon: *glaring* -is the greatest player in the world. He's the best captain ever and we have the best chemistry. Our chemistry is amazing. Also we're really good friends off the ice, for sure. I'd make a joke about playing against him except it hurts too much. Hey, do you think Connor would consider German citizenship or playing for Team Europe? He's just so fast man, I'm just trying to keep up and be the best player I can be so I can be better for Connor because he deserves everything in the world, you know?
  • ____
  • Reporter: Leon-
  • Connor: *beaming* -is so big and strong, have you seen him? He's so big and has such a presence on the ice, throwing that big body of his around. He's the most underrated player in the world ever. Make sure you mention that okay? He's so good and strong, you know? He's unbelievable. He doesn't get enough credit. I should probably talk more about him so people know how awesome he is. I love Leon. There is literally nothing I don't love about that guy.
6

Keep In Mind That THIS LEGEND, This MAN RIGHT . HERE. John Christopher Depp, used to sell /PENS/
Now look how much his face is known in the movie industry, he made sexiest man in the papers, A drunken pirate on screen and so many other wonderful movie characters come to life.

REBLOG THIS RIGHT NOW AND HELP IT GET OUT THERE THAT THIS MAN IS AN INSPIRATION AND NOT ONLY THAT HE WAS JUST LIKE YOU AND ME, MOST OF THE GREATEST ACTORS IN THE WORLD START FROM NOTHING
SO NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAMS.
EVER. BECAUSE YOU COULD BE SELLING SOMW DAMN PENS OVER THE TELEPHONE AND BEFORE YOU KNOW IT, COULD BE VOTED THE NEXT SEXIEST MAN ALIVE. OR WOMAN, OR SEXIEST HUMAN, OR WALRUS…
NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAMS.

The Top 10 Best Dads in Persona

Hey guys it’s me, Ricetopaz, coming at you with the top 10 best dads in the Persona series as my Father’s Day special.

Let’s get down to business. At number 10, we have…

Kunikazu Okumura from Persona 5!

He may not be the most caring, loving, or nice father, but if there’s one thing he does have, it’s money. Lots of it. He also has a space ship. And a spooky death scene. And that’s all he needs to win the number 10 spot!

At number 9, we have…

Takeharu Kirijo from Persona 3!

I don’t actually know that much about Takeharu, but if I know 3 things about him for certain: 1: He Raised Mitsuru, and Mitsuru turned out pretty alright. 2: He died. And Mitsuru was sad about it so he was probably a good Dad if that happened. And 3: He has a really cool eyepatch and all good dads need an eyepatch. All these factors and more earn him the number 9 spot of best Persona dads!

Coming in at number 8…

Mayoshi Shido from Persona 5!

Objectively speaking, every child’s favorite day is “Bring Your Kid to Work” day, a day where they get to spend the entire day alongside their beloved Mother or Father. However, when you’re MAYOSHI SHIDO’s unwanted child, EVERY DAY is Bring Your Kid to Work day! Even in-between running for Prime Minister and committing constant horrifying illegal acts, he still makes time for his beautiful son!

Some of you may argue that commanding people to be killed makes him a bad Dad, but think about it. He did order the death of one of the lesser Dads on this list, Kunikazu Okumura. So in a way, he’s simply just killing inferior Dads to improve the Dad genepool for generations to come! So shine on you, Shido!

At number 7, we have…

Munehisa Iwai from Persona 5!

In a way, Iwai represents all the traits a good Dad should have: Hardworking, protective, and involved in highly illegal activities. Throughout his Confidant, he proves time and time again just how willing he is to devote himself to his son, and keep him out of harm’s way, even willing to risk his own life to protect his child!

But as our number 6 spot proves, being the greatest Dad of all takes a little more than just being willing to risk your life for your child…

Coming in at number 6…

Makoto and Sae  Niijima’s Dad from Persona 5!

Unlike that sissy Iwai, Mr. Niijima ACTUALLY died, rather than just be WILLING to die, like that coward Iwai is. Really puts him to shame, honestly.

And now at number 5, we have…

Keep reading

“Bruce, my heart, I think Alfred likes my mom !” - Batmom  and Bruce playing matchmakers

Summary : Alfred has a “crush” on Batmom’s mother figure. 

Just something written during my lunch break and…meh, hope you’ll like it : 

My masterlist blog : https://ella-ravenwood-archives.tumblr.com

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One of the best thing about dating Bruce Wayne wasn’t the money, the extravagant gifts, the fame, the attention or anything of the like…Oh no (quite the contrary really), one of the best thing about dating Bruce Wayne was getting to know his butler and surrogate father : Alfred Pennyworth. 

Alfred was one of the best man you’ve ever met (him and Bruce were the best men you’ve ever met really…). 

He was caring, sassy, compassionate, funny, sarcastic, intelligent, well mannered, loving, protective and…Oh so much more. 

He was everything you admired in one single person. 

He quickly became your hero to be honest…Though you’d never admit it to his face, too afraid to look ridiculous (even if you damn well knew he wouldn’t make you feel ridiculous). 

The first time you spend the night at Wayne Manor, sharing Bruce’s bed, you felt so awkward in the morning when you woke up and went down to take breakfast, your Bruce’s arm around your shoulder…

But Alfred made you feel so comfortable, he made you feel as if you were home while he didn’t even know you one bit ! (Later, Bruce would confess to you that most of the time, Alfred would be extremely sassy toward ladies who spend the night at Wayne Manor, and that you were the only exception…Well, it was because you were an exceptional lady really. And it seemed Alfred knew, that first time he actually met you, that you were more than just a one night stand. You blushed when he told you that, and oh it made him fall in love with you all over again, to see you so bashful about such things…You were truly incredible). 

But knowing that his Bruce was just constantly talking about you, and had that stupid smile and slight haze in his eyes whenever he did, was enough for Alfred to adore you right away. 

That first time he met you, when you spend the night for the very first time at Wayne Manor, in Bruce’s arms, he just had a gut feeling that you were the one. 

That you were the one that would help his “master”, make him happy. 

And oh he was right, because you two would eventually get married and would always be so damn in love with each others for the rest of your lives…but that, he didn’t know yet, all he knew so far was that it was the first time since his parents’ death that Bruce was genuinely smiling, that he was allowing himself to be happy, carefree, and…it was all thanks to you. 

It instantly clicked, between you and Alfred. 

Because he could see right off the bat that you were a perfect match for Bruce, and you just thought Al’ was like, the best guy ever…He was just so kind to you ! Always so caring even when you were but a stranger ! 

And oh the way you’d both put Bruce back in his place sometimes, when he was being too cocky, or too broody, or anything really. When he was basically being a dick. Not you nor Alfred were ever taking Bruce’s shit, and that’s probably one of the reason you both got along so well. The Sass Masters. 

That’s another reason that made Alfred KNOW that you were the one, the one true love for Bruce…The way you never gave up, even when he was a downright asshole to you. The way you always stood up to him, refusing to be pushed away because he was “afraid you’d get hurt”. 

Your stubbornness was a blessing really. Where more than one woman would have give up after Bruce rejected them for the tenth time (it was such a stupid thing really, to think he had to push you out of his life to protect you…you were born and raised in one of Gotham most dangerous neighborhood, the Narrows, you knew how to defend yourself, and you’d never give up because you KNEW Bruce didn’t mean it when he said it was best not to see each other again…), And oh man, Alfred never met a person more stubborn that his Master Bruce before you. For that only, he could only admire you too. 

Yes. You were special. And Alfred was too. And as your relationship with Bruce became truly serious…you kinda came to see Alfred as your father figure. 

You grew up without a dad, and Alfred just became the hero you never had. And he gladly accepted the position. 

Really, it was only the next natural step in this strong relationship and bond you all build together, that him and Bruce would meet your mom. 

Keep reading

All Washed Up

Keith walked into a bar and looked around before his eyes fell on a hunched figure wearing a too big dirty blue hoodie and nursing a half finished beer.
He quickly crossed the room and stood over the figure crossing his arms. “Nice to see your not waisting your time.”
The figure looked up, long matted brown hair falling over blue eyes.
“Is that sarcasm I detect?”
Keith pulled out the chair opposite him, “why yes it is, I’ve been hanging out with Katie a lot.”
“Katie? I thought she went underground after her brother went to the dark side.” He picked up his beer and went to take a sip but Keith grabbed the bottle and finished the rest of it himself.
“She did but things have changed… that’s why I’m here.”
The figure looked at Keith for a moment before signalling to the bar tender for another beer.
“If your here to try and get me back on the team then you know my answer. I left that life behind me a long time ago.”
A beer was placed in front of him, however before he could even pick up the bottle three men burst into the bar wielding guns and yelling “hands where we can see them.”
The other patrons all complied.
All except the two in the far corner.
“I said hands up!” One yelled stepping forward.
Keith lazily looked over his shoulder at the men raising an eyebrow. “Sure anything you say.” He slowly moved his hands above his head.
No sooner had the man dropped his guard did Keith pull the knife from up his sleeve and stabbed it into the mans eye.
He screamed in pain stumbling back, Keith jumping up and kicking him in the chest sending the man falling into the tables.
The other two men aimed their guns an were about to fire when suddenly the temperature of the room dropped and everyone’s breaths became visible.
A stream of ice suddenly shot forwards and froze the two men with only their heads left untouched.
Keith slowly turned round to smirk at the figure who was still standing with his hand outstretched and his fingers Blue at the tips.
His hood had fallen down and the large burn scar across the side of his face was visible.
“I thought you didn’t want to be a hero anymore?” Keith asked with a smug tone.
The figure picked up the bottle and downed it in one go “I don’t, just wanted my drink in peace.”
He stumbled out from behind the table pulling his hood back up “im not a hero, there’s no such thing.”
He purposely shoved Keith as he walked past not bothering to leave any payment on the table as he went, the terrified bar keeper not daring to stop him.
“Shiro’s been asking about you!” Keith yelled desperately.
The figure didn’t stop walking “Shiro died, tell that thing to stop pretending to be someone it isn’t.”
“Either way Shiro would want you back! He would want you to be part of something bigger! To protect those who can’t protect themselves!” Keith yelled but he didn’t stop or long at him. “Lance please!”
Finally the figure stopped and turned round “I tried to play that game once, I really believed that I could make a difference. But I guess I grew up and I know better now. Shiro was a lunatic that thought he could take down our Shiro excuse of a government with a bunch of damaged kids! Guess the only difference between us is that you still believe he was fight even after what happened on the final day.”
Lance turned and slid past the frozen men before pausing one last time “and my names not Lance anymore. He died in the ice with all those kids. I’m just Blue now.”
With that he left Keith standing in the middle of the bar and disappeared into the city keeping his head down as he past the cameras that watched every citizen.
Every moment of every day.
Ever since the revolution failed.
Ever since Shiro failed to free them from the Galra rule.
Ever since Lance caused the greatest disaster known to man.

as all my jewish followers and friends know, we have a holiday coming up! the featival of purim is this sunday. purim celebrates hidden miracles and hidden beauty and hidden saviours. there’s a lot of hiding. that’s why we dress up!

i’m aware that the vast majority of gentiles and a lot of jews don’t fully know the story of purim, which is recorded in the scroll of esther, or megillat esther. the megillah’s my favourite story, and has so many amazing midrashim (bit like rabbinical fanfiction) that i study year round. this story, which is the story of how a young jewish woman saved our people from a genocide, has a lot of parallels with our current political situation in the u.s., so i thought now would be a great time to tell the story!

Keep reading

Nocking Point Wine Tasting Party

Aka the event where I just had the most INCREDIBLE, amazing, fan-fucking-tastic night with Stephen Amell and my girls Jesi ( @jesileighs ) and Kristy ( @cbcbiology

After many requests on twitter to write this out on tumblr here I am. This is long so take a seat! pictures are included and before you ask me “HOW THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN?” let me tell you “I HAVE NO CLUE I’M SHOCKED AND IN AWE ABOUT THIS TOO!” ok? On with the story

Keep reading

Hatred and Grief - Clark Kent x Reader

Summary : Clark loses the thing he loves the most in the World…And the worst thing ? It is his fault. 

I was in the mood for something angsty today. Yeah yeah yeah I didn’t follow the schedule I put up not long ago, but I really wanted to write this story. I was in the mood to write something kinda sad (or not). Hope you will like it, as usual, feedbacks are very welcome :-) : 

My masterlist blog : https://ella-ravenwood-archives.tumblr.com

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The second he sees your body hit that wall violently, and hears the terrible crack it makes…He knows. 

He didn’t mean to do it. It wasn’t him…it wasn’t him ! 

This was a nightmare. 

Just a bad dream. 

He was going to wake up in your arms, nuzzle his face in the crook of your neck. He was going to wake up in your arms, and tighten his grip around you. You were going to reassure him after this stupid nightmare…No. 

No you weren’t. You would never reassure him again.  

He knows he committed the irreparable. And that’s what brings him back. 

Of course, only you would be able to take him out of this weird daze he had been for a while. Only you would be able to snap him out of it. He thinks he remembers you yelling : “Clark, this isn’t you ! Come back to us baby, come back to m…”, but you were never going to be able to finish this sentence. 

He doesn’t remember much, but what comes back to his mind, is being captured by Lex Luthor and him…doing something to his brain. 

And then falling in a state of semi-consciousness, where he just couldn’t control his movements, and didn’t even care about it. 

He doesn’t really remember much of his actions, as if he just woke up from a dream that refused to be remembered, but when he regains his senses, and, horrified, looks around him…half of Metropolis is destroyed, giving him that much hints about what happened.

He knows this carnage is his fault. Though he wasn’t master of his movements, the guilt that washes over him is endless. And when he fully realizes what he has just done, what brought him back…It’s more than guilt. It’s agony. 

It’s his arm that hit you with all his might as you were approaching him, and that send you crashing into that concrete wall. With just a small swipe, as if you were nothing, though you were everything to him, his arm went own its own accord to shove you out of his way, with so much force that you flew across the street. His arm. His. 

It’s his arm that killed you…

Keep reading

Dating Peter Parker would include

•PUNS
•him being your best friend
• Him not knowing how to tell you he’s Spider-Man
• Knowing Peter is the crime fighting spider the moment you encounter him on your balcony
• PUnS
• Basically making Peter do your algebra homework while you sit back and nap
• You being his best friend
• You being the one person he wants to go to after a bad or good day
• Hiding your little giggles as he rambles on about how he beat up a bad guy
• Him telling you puny and ridiculous pick up lines but taking it all back and becoming a stuttering mess
• You teasing him about how you like Spider-Man more than Peter Parker
• Him showing up late to study sessions at his own house and clambering through his window in his blue and red suit
• STAR WARS PUNS
• LOTS OF CUDDLES
• HIM WANTING CUDDLES ALL THE TIME
• LIKE EVEN WHEN U R CUDDLING HE’LL STILL WANT CUDDLES
• He’d basically be a puppy, always wanting your attention, always wanting cuddles, and food
• MAN BUT imagine him all jealous and his features harden and his eyes darken
• Lots of hand holding
• Him being afraid that villains or bad guys might use you against him
• Him always checking up on you
• Him apologizing after every fight, even if it wasn’t his fault or if he’s wrong
• Him giving you lots of cheek kisses
• You giving him lots of forehead kisses
• Good morning and good night texts
• Him always trying to make you smile because he loves your smile
• Catching him staring at you
• Him looking at you adoringly and smiling because you’re the greatest thing that’s ever happened to him
—-
Send in requests if you liked something. Or if you just want more❤️

My Sweetheart

REQUEST: ohh my god i fell in love with your last imagine where harry proposes! i just wanted to ask if you could write a very fluffy imagine with cuddles on couch while watching movies or idk, just soo much fluff?? i love youu

REQUEST: Hi! I am just a fan of your fics, I have read every single one of them and I am craving for more. Can you pretty please write a fluffy fluffmaster with a cuddly Harry? Thanks, and love youuu!


Combined these two. Inspiration struck tonight. Hope you enjoy. :) xo


When you opened your eyes that morning, you were shocked to find that Harry was still in bed with you.

For the past week or so he’d been so busy that he had to wake up at the most ungodly hour of the morning. Every time his alarm would go off way too early, and each time he would shut it off with a groan only to roll over and slip his arms around your body, hugging you to his chest and tangling his legs with yours so he could cling to you like a koala. You grumbled and groaned and pretended to be more asleep than you were, but you secretly enjoyed that the first thing he did was to reach for you. Eventually he would get up and get his day started, always leaving a kiss on your lips before slipping out the front door.

You and Harry had been dating for several months now; it had gotten to the point where you spent most nights (and days) at his place. You had your own drawer and everything. The both of you had gotten used to life together, and you missed him dearly when he was away, so the past week had been hard on the both of you. But you knew that he was doing something that was important to him, and you could never ask him to give that up in any capacity.

That morning when you woke up it was 10:00 a.m., and he was still there. It immediately brought a feeling of warmth to your heart, and you couldn’t help but get your hopes up and look forward to having him for the entire day. It felt like it had been so long since you’d truly spent time together, other than small chit chat and a kiss here and there. You missed him. 

Keep reading

14. Sex Toys

Word Count: 1184
Summary: In which Bucky and the Reader get bored with their sex life and decide to add in a little something extra.
Written by: @mrpotterinthetardis
Warnings: Obvious sexual content, sex toys, possible swearing, Bucky being a little shit, little bit of fluff

Originally posted by xolovexohate

You had no idea sex could be boring. All your life, you’d seen films that glorified it, made it look like losing your virginity was magical, and that it was always passionate. Not entirely. Sure, you lost your virginity like many others, though it was a little painful, but you felt nothing. You didn’t have an explosive orgasm like the movies. You felt nothing. And that still hadn’t changed. You did your research, thinking there was something wrong with you, but nope, you were just like the majority of the female population; no magic penis would make you cum during sex. Masturbating was a different story, altogether. You could make yourself release in record time. but no matter what, you just couldn’t with a partner.

That changed when you met James Barnes.

Keep reading

✰ * º ❛   buzzfeed unsolved sentence starters  ( pt. five )   ❜

          (   part of the youtube starter series   )

‘  spoiler alert: it’s probably aliens.  ’
‘  bad idea.  ’
‘  i’m considering him a suspect.  ’
‘  i’m considering him a suspect. her son’s feeding her sedatives. yeah, he was like, ‘go on mother, eat these pills.’  ’
‘  you just made this go so much more dark than it needed to be.  ’
‘  well, i just don’t trust this boy.  ’
‘  yeah, have some pills, smoke this cigarette. goodnight.  ’
‘  this is a very irresponsible landlady. if your tenant’s apartments smell like smoke, maybe check in on ‘em.  ’
‘  if your tenant’s apartments smell like smoke, maybe check in on ‘em.  ’
‘  this is gonna get a little morbid, but who’s to say that a burning body doesn’t small like barbecue?  ’
‘  no, of course it doesn’t make sense, it’s weird!  ’
‘  has any skull shrunk at any other point in history?  ’
‘  now you’re acting like a detective and not like a jackass.  ’
‘  you don’t think it’s weird that all of her was gone except for a skull, parts of the spine, and a fucking foot that was still completely intact like nothing happened?  ’
‘  i bet if george clooney was on the tonight show and you set him on fire, one of his feet would burn, and the other one would probably still be planted there on the floor in a very nice shoe. clooney’s flammable.  ’
‘  clooney is probably flammable, you’re probably right.  ’
‘  so, a fire that was too hot for firemen did not damage her apartment?  ’
‘  too much fire here. what do i look like, a fireman?  ’
‘  soot and a foot. that’s all they got, huh? soot, foot, and a cup skull.  ’
‘  that’s a bizarro version of a dr. seuss book right there.  ’
‘  the foot did not catch on fire… one of ‘em anyway. that other one? phew. donezo.  ’
‘  the first theory… is ridiculous. i’m just gonna say that right now, it’s ridiculous.  ’
‘  i don’t trust anyone who says, ‘it seen it happen.’ that sounds like a country bumpkin if i’ve ever heard one.  ’
‘  it seen it! i seen it with my own two eyes!  ’
‘  i seen it happen while i was playing my banjo!  ’
‘  yeah– well, okay… keep going.  ’
‘  can you imagine just being out, having a good night with your pals, drinkin’? and you know, toward the end of the night when you’re like, ‘yeah, what a fun night this has been,’ can you imagine just exploding? just catching on fire. all your pals would be like, ‘huh?’ not a good night. for him or his friends.  ’
‘  is it very european to burst into flames?  ’
‘  put that pen down. you look like a jackass.  ’
‘  a lot of people explodin’ in europe. something you might wanna look into. this runs deep.  ’
‘  when i think spontaneous combustion, i think, like, ‘bam!’ like a popped balloon, just shards of person just exploding.  ’
‘  that asshole in fantastic four? what do you have against him?  ’
‘  if my clothes are on fire i’ll do a little dance to try and get ‘em out, stop, drop, and roll, what have ya.  ’
‘  maybe she just passed out or died or something.  ’
‘  i’ve never had a doctor speak to me like that. i would love it if i showed up and a doctor just started unraveling strange little tales.  ’
‘  the answer could lie with extraterrestrial origin.  ’
‘  what if aliens just get drunk and fly around the universe and shrink people’s skulls and turn them into little piles of ash?  ’
‘  i can see how aliens would be involved in kind of like shenanigans and be hooligans.  ’
‘  i don’t even smoke, but i would love to have one last cig before i go.  ’
‘  this is a weird case! this is just sinking in! what are we doing here?!  ’
‘  what if we’re just lab rats to these aliens?  ’
‘  they’re gonna shrink her into a little tiny titty.  ’
‘  no… no. what’s the matter with you?  ’
‘  if you used voodoo for evil, you would kill me!? you would murder me?!  ’
‘  it’s a hypothetical, i wasn’t thinking of doing that.  ’
‘  sometimes we argue, but i don’t want to murder you.  ’
‘  i never said i wanted to murder you!  ’
‘  you wanna kill me!  ’
‘  this is a hypothetical situation!  ’
‘  alright, yeah, no. continue to tell me about it now that i know you want me dead.  ’
‘  i think you might intellectualize too much.  ’
‘  so this is kind of a night out… with spirits.  ’
‘  wha– you look so scared already.  ’
‘  i do find that more compelling than any of the other dumb ‘evidence’ you’ve dug up.  ’
‘  any time i can get you to do that shrug, it means i make a great point. it’s a great point. it makes me heart warm.  ’
‘  i’m gonna buy you one of those haunted dolls for christmas.  ’
‘  put away your fear and just focus on what you feel.  ’
‘  i’m bad at feeling. i really wanna believe in something outside the norms of, you know, physics.  ’
‘  i took an improv comedy class once because… well, i’m a white guy.  ’
‘  so, the takeaway here is… every little sound is a ghost?  ’
‘  the takeaway here is that sounds that don’t belong in that environment may or may not be ghosts.  ’
‘  my jacket just moved in a way that it felt like somebody touched me on the shoulder and i think if you had felt it, you would scream.  ’
‘  wait, what? that was never part of the bargain.  ’
‘  a lot of times i just do these because i know you’ll hate it.  ’
‘  i feel like i’m gonna fucking cry.  ’
‘  i don’t wanna talk about it. i wanna leave.  ’
‘  i think you need to learn how to shut the hell up.  ’
‘  i think you need to learn how to shut the fuck up… i stepped it up with the bigger curse word there.  ’
‘  i’m not even trying to be a jerk about this, i’m just getting tired of you asking me if i get scared about things i don’t believe in.  ’
‘  it’s like asking me if i’m concerned that, when i fall asleep, the moon turns around and winks at me with a big, evil face and has a boner or something.   ’
‘  tell me what’s more probable: the moon having a boner or a ghost being real.  ’
‘  the dark side of the moon just has a giant, dusty boner. that’s about as real as ghosts.  ’
‘  now we’re heading into the belly of the beast.  ’
‘  i’m excited. this is maybe he only time i believe in what you’re talking about.   ’
‘  bigfoot’s meat and bone.  ’
‘  no, that’s dumb. it’s not supernatural, it’s natural.  ’
‘  this is the heaviest sandwich i’ve ever embraced.  ’
‘  my organ’s are starting to shut down. i’ll be dead in five minutes. i think i might need to go to the hospital.  ’
‘  could you imagine being the guy who coined the phrase ‘bigfoot’?  ’
‘  ain’t that like a couple of funny brothers… destroying their father’s legacy.  ’
‘  don’t make bigfoot believe in your little ghostly energies bigfoot is meat and bone.  ’
‘  i don’t think that’s how bigfoot rolls.  ’
‘  the vest is gonna make me look more festive… and i won’t get shot, so there’s that. that’s an added bonus. having fun getting shot. i’m not gonna help you.  ’
‘  having fun getting shot. i’m not gonna help you.  ’
‘  you honestly think we’re going to encounter a sasquatch, the sasquatch is going to attack you and your life is going to be saved because you’re wearing a helmet? it’s gonna bring a rock down upon your head, we’re gonna get it on film, and we’re gonna say, ‘thank god you had your helmet on your head.’  ’
‘  i think we’re ready to rock and roll, man.  ’
‘  you look like an idiot.  ’
‘  if i see people taller than me i get concerned about them because i think they’re gonna die young.  ’
‘  i wasn’t fat-shaming bigfoot. i was just mentioning that this is a creature of enormous strength.  ’
‘  his name is cedric. he struck me as a cedric when i first saw him after i destroyed his apartment.  ’
‘  well, if it’s any consolation, you look like an idiot.  ’
‘  i think it’s time for a little beer break.  ’
‘  if a bigfoot actually walked out right now, this would be the greatest thing ever captured on camera, if we lured out a bigfoot with a beer.  ’
‘  they said that… i agree, but they meant it more, so hit them!  ’
‘  nah. this guys inhaling too many… cat… shit… fumes.  ’
‘  yeah, this is all jolly right now, but can you imagine what this is gonna be like at night?  ’
‘  it is a very old piece of footage, but so is… die hard. still good.  ’
‘  i’m saying just ‘cause something’s good doesn’t mean it’s bad, or–  ’
‘  that’s a completely different train of thought. what the fuck is going on here?  ’
‘  (wheezing and laughing) it’s been a long day.  ’
‘  now you look like a man i would never talk to under any circumstance.  ’
‘  don’t judge a book by it’s cover? it’s a hell of a cover. this place is beautiful!  ’
‘  i don’t wanna kill the vibe, but we could just turn the lights on, it’s a hotel.  ’
‘  holy shit! it’s a jacuzzi tub!  ’
‘  this is the best place we’ve ever ghostbusted.  ’
‘  like a ghost sitcom? sign me up!  ’
‘  well, he can go to hell.  ’
‘  oof. i don’t even wanna talk about that evening.  ’
‘  i stole this off the woman who died in the titanic!  ’
‘  …shadows do tend to follow you, though. that’s sort of how they work.  ’
‘  you gotta fuckin’ calm down, man!  ’
‘  ghost 101. week one, knock books off shelf. week two, uhh, hold a candlestick in the middle of a hallway. week three… sheets.  ’
‘  this is one of the best days of my life.  ’
‘  i freaked out because i thought something flew in front of me, but come to think of it, it could’ve been the reflection of my light turning off.  ’
‘  you know, a ghost has probably whispered point blank in your ear, but you’ve probably never heard it because you were too busy going, ‘ugh ugh okay, oh, what did i do? oh, what did i do? i always get myself into these things ooo.’  ’
‘  are we doing more of this or can i use the jacuzzi hot tub that we’ve been blessed with?  ’
‘  are we gonna spend the night here and not use the jacuzzi?  ’
‘  the jacuzzi jets don’t work… we’re just two guys sitting in a tub.  ’
‘  yeah… it’s daft punk. the dj’s daft punk came into our suite at night and gave me a little diddy, that’s what happened.  ’
‘  it’s not haunted. i know it’s not haunted. it’s not haunted.  ’
‘  you’re like a stupid string puppet that i can just bring along with me and i can pull it when i wanna hear something dumb.  ’
‘  no– they’re. no. no. nope.   ’
‘  the ball also stopped at the ‘i love pot’ graffiti, so maybe this ghost just loves to blaze it.  ’
‘  wha– what are ya doin’?  ’
‘  look it up. it’s a thing on the internet.  ’
‘  who are you pointing to?  ’
‘  i bet i could squeeze an apple till it exploded.  ’
‘  you hear that in the distance? it’s the excuse train coming.  ’
‘  great. that’ll be good. i’m gonna snap that.  ’

A moment of appreciation

…for the absolute balls of brass that teenage Severus Snape must’ve had to stand outside Gryffindor Tower on the evening of Snape’s Worst Memory.

A few hours earlier, he was attacked - without provocation - by a group of Gryffindor lads who routinely bullied him.  Yet, he stood outside their tower and begged to speak to his friend.

In the midst of the attack, he called one of their housemates an awful, terrible slur - and yet, that evening, he stood outside their tower and begged for the opportunity to make amends..

We don’t know if James did go as far as to strip Snape naked.  But when Snape went up to Gryffindor tower, he didn’t go to retaliate.  He didn’t get a gang of Slytherins to help him wreak revenge.  He went alone to face a house that hated him, and it wasn’t James or Sirius that he looked for - he went up there to apologise to Lily.

We know from what Lily says that he’s been pestering other students to get Lily to come out and talk to him, probably making a nuisance of himself; running the risk of James, or Sirius, or Peter feeling justified in going out and attacking him, just as they did a few hours earlier.

He threatened to sleep outside, which would see him breaking curfew, risking the teachers’ ire - and he meant it.  

His actions that afternoon were less than stellar, but surely it should’ve been apparent from his actions that evening that he would grow into the bravest man Harry ever knew.  

As an adult, he sought out Dumbledore whilst he was a Death Eater, and he repeatedly lied to the greatest Legilimens the wizarding world has ever seen.  

But the signs were already there when, as a teenager, he dared walk alone to the common room of a house full of students who despised him, who were furious at him - and, most terrifying of all, which contained the boys who had utterly humiliated him that afternoon…and he refused to go away until he’d had the opportunity to try and put things right.

My thoughts about episode 7x23

I wanted to say something about episode 7x23. To me, it felt very similar to episode 3x20, because of the concept behind both these episodes, because of their meaning, because of the way these episodes gave us a more detailed and even more powerful picture of what was going on in Steve and Danny’s lives when they first met each other.

Episode 3x20 showed us that Steve lost two of the most important people in his life in an awfully short amount of time: first Freddie, then his father. Feeling this kind of pain, he came back to Hawaii… and he chose to stay. Why? He wasn’t (only) motivated by the desire to seek revenge against who killed his father. We saw him turning down, at first, the offer that Governor Jameson made him. He could have gone after Hesse on his own, without being part of Five-0. He was willing to stay in the Navy, to leave Hawaii again… before listening to his father’s message, before meeting Danny, before finding a family with Five-0. Emotions led him back to Hawaii: the ones he felt listening to his father’s words on that recorder and the ones he felt since the first time he met Danny. Steve was a broken man, he needed to be saved and he knew, he just knew, somehow, that Danny was the person that could save him. 

And Danny. A man who was dealing with a failed marriage and a brand new life started in Hawaii just to be able to be close to his daughter, being constantly threatened by his ex-wife with the possibility that Grace could’ve been taken away from him… we saw more of that in this episode, the way Rachel taunted, tortured him, the way he had to fight for the sacrosanct right to see his daughter, the way Rachel prevented Danny from being properly focused on his job, because only her time was valuable, because she had the upper hand and she just loved to twist the knife in Danny’s wounds.

And both episodes show us Steve and Danny feeling awfully guilty… Steve, feeling responsible for Freddie’s death… he was the one who asked Freddie to be part of that mission, he was the one who couldn’t protect him… Danny, knowing that Makino risked his life calling him, while Danny was too busy dealing with Rachel’s tantrums to pick up the phone…

Steve and Danny had such an enormous weight on their shoulders, such an unbearable pain in their hearts when they met each other…  two broken toys who, since the very first moment, started and never stopped fixing each other, giving each other what they needed the most: Danny gave Steve the family he desperately needed and craved for, Steve gave Danny a home, in the largest and most important sense. They saved each other, they keep saving each other, in the most wonderful way.

Among the many, and all so beautiful and so well done, parallels and references to the pilot and 1x08 episodes, I loved one the most. 

In the flashback we see Danny yelling to Rachel that he needs to do his job to be able to make some money and buy things for his daughter, like some water park tickets so he could spend some quality time with Grace… and in the pilot we see Steve giving Danny his first gift, one of many: three nights at the Kahala Hotel … “I heard this place has a pool, you can swim with the dolphins, just take it”. After all the fights, the efforts, the anger, the pain, Steve starts showing Danny that being loved, being happy, can be the easiest thing in the world, a gratuitous, God-given gift, when the right person comes along.

Fate brought these two people together. Somebody, up there, just knew they were meant to be together. The universe conspired so they could find each other, so that Danny could open that file that brought him to Steve’s house, that brought him to Steve.

And yes, life took so much from them, but it gave them so much, as well. It gave Danny someone who tells Grace and Charlie that their father is the best man he knows, that he’s the greatest man ever. It gave Steve someone who tells him “If something happens, I need you to take care of Grace”, someone who asks him to babysit his little son… They fill each other’s life with so much love, warmth, trust, happiness. They built the most perfect family unit together.

And, even if I hope we will soon see a less emotionally constipated Danny, who he’s not afraid of what he feels for Steve (to the point of thinking about retiring so he won’t have to deal – but he fools himself! – with this beautiful emotional mess that is going on in his mind and in his heart), who he’s not afraid of showing it, I think the last scene of this episode was so, so full of love. 

Danny talks to Makino about the people he met: Chin, Grover, Jerry, Kono… he leaves Steve for last, like, you know? like when you’re eating and you leave that one thing you like the most for last, to savor it, to taste it better. 

He talks about this man, “a bit of a putz, big, gigantic pain in my ass. I used to hate him. I still hate him every once in a while… “ … and the flashback to their first meeting starts… then it stops for a moment, so Danny can tell Makino, with all his heart: “Thank you. Thank you”, and right after that we’re in that garage, to relive that moment that changed their life, that made it so much better, giving them the chance to love, be loved, be happy.

And “thank you” is what I want to say, as well, after watching this episode. Even if I’m still afraid my heart will break if these two won’t get the happy ending they deserve, together. But this episode, and these seven years, proved me they’re worth the risk. And I will never stop believing they’re the love of each other’s life and being sure, 100%, that, like I already said yesterday, the most wonderful love books and love movies can’t stand a chance against what this show created with McDanno.