-So, Gunther, it looks like you and your brother simply will not stay your asses at home lately, and I keep finding your homework in the litterboxes. You two better keep your grades up because I have made important cat adoption plans for the minute you leave for college!
-Aw dad, pretending to be a responsible father is cute but you can relax, we’re definitely gonna study today! I mean it’s Sunday morning, what else are we gonna do? Hit the clubs?
We arrive at the Lulu Lounge! Loving that red carpet, Jojo this is the place for you.
-Ugh I know, I feel so at home.
Well you do look great, especially next to our car!
Do you guys remember Komei’s boxing thing that he has thankfully stopped doing? I think that apart from the jaw, Jojo has also inherited those faulty genetics, because all he wants to do at any given moment is play this stupid punching game. Not only is it annoying as fuck but pretty disturbing as well. I’m talking Anastasia Steele teas.
-Punch me Gunther! Punch me like you mean it!
Ugh freak. Time to hit something else.. the dancefloor!
Panic! At The Disco.
-MY HAIR, MY BEAUTIFUL DARCY HAIR! I WISH MOM HAD MORNING-AFTER-PILLED YOU
Thank god the tension is quickly overcome with some inappropriate brotherly dancing!
-Nice, now knee me in the testicles, Gunther!
JFC. Jojo really, I’m not judging, but this is a legacy not the fucking Story of O. Let’s at least find someone who is not a blood relation to beat you up?
Like blondie here, look he’s cute and he wants to dance with you!
-UGH gross, not only is he age appropriate but I don’t even see a ring on that finger! Hard pass. OMG. IT’S HIM. HE’S HERE.
What? No, that’s impossible, there is no fucking way-
WELL FUCK ME I GUESS. WHAT THE FUCK. STEPHEN WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE ON A SUNDAY MORNING
-Sunday morning, time to cut loose, am I right?
NO YOU’RE NOT. GO HOME TO YOUR FAMILY I’M TRYING TO CURE JOJO OF THIS OBSESSION. GET OUT BEFORE HE COMES OVER
………………………………….fucking jfc I’m so done. Jojo I hate you.
-Well well well… Following me now, Stephen? Oh how the tables have turned..
-What? Do I know you?
-Haha that’s funny. So this is how you wanna play this then? Alright. Yes, I am a complete stranger..
-Oh wait, you’re that legacy freak that keeps spying on my family, aren’t you?
-That’s right I am. Does that turn you on?
-WHAT. NO IT DOES NOT WHAT THE FUCK
-You can stop playing hard to get, you have me already..
-I’M GETTING A RESTRAINING ORDER AS SOON AS I LEARN YOUR NAME
-Well he can say what he wants but he did buy me a drink..
NO HE DIDN’T HE LEFT AND YOU STOLE HIS DRINK
-I fail to see the difference.
OF COURSE YOU DO. Let’s gtfo before you get arrested.
We go to Rodney’s Hideout to literally hide out. Gunther runs into Ruskie and things immediately escalate..
..while Jojo finally has one solitary bolt with someone and it’s Craig here, who is very cute and also..
A NERD. We have struck gold! Jojo don’t fuck this up istg.
-I can’t believe I’m saying this to someone who is not my mother but.. I don’t hate you.
The very definition of different speeds. But it doesn’t matter, we’re getting there, just keep up the non disturbing conversation about hats, Jo!
-So you see, Craig, just as Napoleon thought the battle was his, he sees a sea of Prussian spiked helmets, or pickelhaubes, approaching-
-Actually, the Prussian military did not adopt the pickelhaube until 1842, it’s a common misconception aided by representations of the battle of Waterloo in modern media..
Oh dear god we’re gonna be here all night.
Even Mrs Crumplebottom doesn’t care enough to interrupt this lameness.
-I don’t know when I’ll be able to go on a date with you, Craig, as I don’t subscribe to the arbitrary concept of ‘time’..
Ok you know what, NO. Get up.
There we fucking go. WAS THAT SO HARD
-You are pretty attractive even though your clothes are. ridiculous.
LMAO take a look in the mirror lately Jo? Whatever, Craig likes you for some unfathomable reason so let’s do this already.
If you’re wondering what Gunther was doing during this time, it was watching his harem smustle. He had 2 bolts with Ivy but Ruskie wouldn’t gtfo so we’re getting to Ivy later. As if we’d let her escape!
Busting a move worked like a charm on Craig, legit god knows why. Craig you’re a fucking weirdo.
-I can’t help it, he looks so cool!
Is cool the right word for it? Is it really?
Fucking oedipal istg. STOP TALKING ABOUT YOUR MOM AND MAKE A MOVE YOU’RE EXHAUSTING
-Honestly, my dear, far be it from me to criticize my mother in any way, but I really don’t know what she was thinking marrying Komei!
Yea let us guess who you would prefer she marry instead.. Gee that’s a tough one.
Yes, there we go, we’re so close Jojo! Please don’t say anything creepy and scare him away, please ❤ Who knows how long it will be till we find someone else who likes you, probably never LETS BE REAL
-I really wasn’t expecting this to happen with someone so unmarried and so not middle-aged such as yourself.. And dressed in this delinquent manner.. I mean are you wearing an actual necklace, good lord.. Now that I think about it this may have been a mistake..
NOP, NOP, I’M DONE, TOO LATE FOR THAT SHIT NOW JO. PREPARE FOR IMPACT
YAAAAS. I forgot to turn the special camera off like a moron but whatever! Get it Jo, fucking finally.
AW. Fuck Jojo looking rough in this pic, can’t believe Craig went for you tbh. THANK YOUR LUCKY STARS
As soon as the first kiss is over this is what Craig hits us with:
Very promising. Jfc Jojo wtf did you do to him?
-NOTHING! I was a perfect gentleman, I even whispered in his ear that I’ll see him again when he’s married!
Oh yea, that’s what everyone wants to hear! Whatever, our work here is done, let’s go home. Gunther is so tired from being a slut he’s ready to pass out.
I wanna grab both your shoulders and shake, baby, snap out of it,
I get the feeling I left it too late, but baby,
snap out of it,
if that watch don’t continue to swing or the fat lady fancies having a sing, I’ll be here waiting ever so patiently for you to snap. out. of. it. ♪ 💔