he is such a gorgeous human being!

murdoc through the phases
  • phase 1: mysterious, moody, edgy satanist bass player. ideal bf. one red fingernail. blue teeth but otherwise looked like an actual human being: darkish skin, acne (despite being in his mid thirties), round face, and fluffy black hair. owner of an inverted cross dildo.
  • phase 2: constantly green. constantly horny. constantly wearing nothing but his cape, boots, and underwear. proud to be disgusting. pimples all over his ass. lots of fuzzy hair on his legs and belly and sometimes scruffy facial hair. long, pointy claws for fingernails. he's chubby, soft, he's got a beer gut and a saggy chest and flab and it's fucking cute. words cannot describe how gorgeous this murdoc is. truly a special time
  • phase 3: pirate gay aesthetic. never naked. suddenly his face is longer and pointier. several of his teeth are missing. drinks rum like it's water. probably the most evil he's ever been but. damn he looks good in a turtleneck
  • phase 4: naked space gay. leftist. teeth magically fixed themselves. kinkier than ever before. terrified of trump (aren't we all???). fidgets and wiggles around a lot. he's not like other teenagers, he's 51. and yes, he finally took a bath.

I was at a con recently. And while looking at some of the art, I made a comment to a guy who had a collection of cat avengers prints that he was missing the best avenger. So he goes, ‘oh and who is that’ and I just kinda look sideways at him and say 'hawkeye, the only one you don’t have’. To wich he of course smirks and says 'is he really the best or is it just cause of jeremy renner?’

First of all… Jeremy Renner is a gorgeous human being and he is more than enough reason for Hawkeye to be awesome, so why the hell you got that smug look on your face like I’m just some random ass fangirl who don’t know shit about comics. I was fuckin dressed like Captain Marvel, 100% comic accurate costume thank you very much.

So my dad starts laughing cause he can see I got my 'fight me’ face on. And I proceed to list each and every reason why I have loved Hawkeye since waaaaay before the movies and why he gets even better with new movies and comics.

NUMBER ONE, he is the only fully human Avenger in every single story line.

To which of course I get 'well what about Black Widow’ well sir you must not know your comics very well because in the Earth-616 universe she has the Red Room version of the super soldier serum which gives her enhanced physical abilities as well as a very long lifespan.

Then comes the 'well Scott Lang is human’ well yeah but he’s got a mother FuCkiNG SUPER SUIT. What does Hawkeye have? Spandex or leather, not quite the same thing. And you take away that super suit, is Scott still a super hero? No he is in jail for being a thief. You take away Hawkeye ’ super sui… oh wait that’s right HE DON’T GOT ONE.

'But what about Black Panther he is human right?’ Do you know anything about comics dude? The dude eats a magical plant and is gifted his powers by the Wakandan Panther God and has enhanced speed, strength, agility, healing, reflexes, stamina, etc. NOT FULLY HUMAN he also is proclaimed King of the Dead and is granted the power and knowledge of past Black Panthers and gains the ability to control the dead… so awesome but still not human.

Hawkeye is 100% human 100% of the time (except a very brief moment when he borrowed pym particles just to help out on a mission) and still manages to keep up with super humans, gods and guys with fancy super suits.

NUMBER TWO, he is deaf, canononically.

'Well Daredevil is blind’ his accident enhanced his other senses… and not an Avenger… so your argument is not even relevant.

NUMBER THREE, he shoots a bow, usually a recurve, in battle with people that have magic and laser guns and other shit and he can shoot it with out even looking!

'But he has trick arrows’ wich are guaranteed to be weighted terribly and that weight changes depending on which arrow it is. So he not only has to compensate for the strange weight but he has to do it on the fly in the heat of battle for each individual arrow. Not to mention when he shoots multiple at once.

And come on, have you ever tried to shoot a bow and arrow, it’s not easy. It takes a lot of practice patients and skill. Especially to get as good as him.

NUMBER FOUR, I mean have you read the guys backstory? If you looked up tragic backstory in the dictionary, you would see a picture of Clint Barton. He was orphaned after his abusive father got into a car accident that killed his mother as well. Was sent to a children’s home, ran away to the circus, was trained by Swordsman and Trickshot who were not the best mentors, was betrayed and abandoned by Swordsman and his brother and left for dead, ended up severely injuring his brother, had to leave Trickshot, when he tried to do the hero thing he was mistaken for a criminal, was manipulated into trying to kill Iron Man, kept falling in love with women who didn’t love him back, left the Avengers at one point believing he was unwanted, was passed over because he was not super human, watched his brother die, was forced to leave the Avengers, had a bounty put on his right arm, lost former mentor Trickshot to cancer, split with his wife then watched her die saving him, sacrificed himself and came back, was almost assasinated, went to prison so the rest of his team could go free, was shot and conducted a suicide mission that saved the planet but killed him, lost his memory, was vanished into nothingness, doubted he was himself or even alive, faked his death, and that’s just the short list.

NUMBER FIVE, he ran the West Coast branch of the Avengers, as well as other treams.

NUMBER SIX, he took on the mantle of Captain America for a short time.

NUMBER SEVEN, Caw Caw Mother Fucker.

So yeah, suffice to say that I left the guy speechless surounded by his friends who were nodding along and adding in their own bits of info and laughing hysterically at him. I turned to walk away after that mic drop and heard him mumble, 'well I guess I’m making a cat hawkeye’

“More Than Roommates”

Request: I saw you asked for prompts. This one is pretty smutty. Can you do one where Sebastian and the reader are roommates and she comes home and catches him jerking off, which leads to more. Or if not Sebastian, then one of his characters. Thank you love your writing!

Pairing: Lance Tucker x Reader

Warnings: GRAPHIC SMUT, sub and dom relationship, little bit of fluff

Word Count: 2067

A/N: gimme a lance anon. i need it. i wrote this at school at someone stopped to read it and it was at the dirtiest part. 


Originally posted by blurredmelancholy

Lance Tucker was a pain to live with. He left dirty boxers on the floor and had no idea how to wash a dish. And not to mention the plethora of women he had exiting his room each night. He was your classic athlete. He could get all the girls and would never have to spend a night alone. Why you were living with him, you had no idea. He had been your best friend since you had moved to that small little town when you were six. You were there for him at every trial and you cheered his name as he won the gold and silver medals at the Olympics.

He didn’t know that you had a huge crush on him. You would never tell him. He wasn’t the type of man to do relationships. It hurt that you had to hear him fuck a different whore every night. None of the women he ever brought back were classy. In all honesty, they disgusted you. They sounded like pornstars or strangled ducks, but you still stayed with Lance. You would rather have him as a friend than nothing at all.

You were not looking forward to the sleepless night ahead. Work had been kicking your ass and today your boss yelled at you for no reason. You didn’t even get to drink your coffee, which was the most tragic thing of all. You slowly trudged your way up the steps to your shared home. In no way were you ready for the night. All you wanted to do was pamper yourself, but Lance’s fuck of the night would probably ruin that for you.

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Lock the Door

Jungkook
Genre: Smut
Word Count: 3980-ish
In hindsight, maybe you weren’t that sorry for not locking the door.

A/N: Holy fuck, this is some extra shit. Read at your own risk. The Kook thirst is real. I had this half-written for a while, and then I got a request that was quite similar, so I thought I’d finish it. I might have a thing for the way Kook says ‘noona.’ Shit.

Originally posted by theking-or-thekid

You knew it was a bad habit, not locking the bedroom door. But locking doors inside your own house had never been required before – growing up, it was discouraged (courtesy of living in a one-bathroom house) – and you didn’t really expect anyone to come barging into your bedroom when you lived in your own apartment.

Then again, you hadn’t expected to have seven rowdy boys hanging out in your small living room that evening, and that happened so…

Okay, you should’ve locked the bedroom door.

But you didn’t.

And that was how you ended up scarring Jeon Jungkook for life. Ish.

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Listen fam, I know we’re all upset about there not being any Ganondorf in Breath of the Wild, but Nintendo knew what they were doing. By the time most players get to Hyrule Castle, Link is buff, rich, beautifully outfitted, and a master chef. If Ganon had even a tiny bit of humanity in him, he would have seen that gorgeous young man ride through the castle gates on a white horse bearing armfuls of flowers and pastries, and he wouldn’t have been able to stop himself from getting down on one knee and proposing right then and there.

I know this sounds crazy, but I don’t make the rules. Nintendo makes the rules, and the rules say that every creature in the game capable of fully sentient thought immediately falls in love with Link. The only way to avoid the awkward situation of Link and Ganon running off into the sunset together was to remove all traces of Ganondorf entirely. Thus was the glory of Ganondorf’s perfect hair sacrificed for the sublime beauty of everyone’s perfect elf boyfriend, alas.

I’ll Wait (1/2)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader 

Words: 3,709

Summary (request): Bucky declares his love for Y/N on a day he shouldn’t. 

Warning: Angst, but some adorableness as well. 

A/N: So this was also a request by a darling who wishes to stay anonymous, she said I could write whatever I wanted and dedicate it to her, so here goes, darling. Hope you enjoy! As always, feedback is greatly appreciated, much love to you all! 

Part 2


“I’m in love with you,” Bucky said as confidently as he could. His steel blue eyes were boring into yours as his heart beat at a frantic pace.

You didn’t answer him, only stared at him with a blank expression. It was only because he knew you better than you know yourself, he could see your lower lip slightly trembling.

“I know I have no right to say this to you,” he quickly added, taking a small step towards you. You didn’t move, only looked at him with stern eyes and lips pressed into a thin line.

“Especially not now,” the sadness in his words lingered hard in the room as he looked at you from head to toe. His eyes met yours again, and he knew his eyes displayed the heart-wrenching sadness he was feeling in his chest.

“But I knew I would regret it for the rest of my life if I didn’t tell you,” he took another small step towards you and when you didn’t move, only looked at him with an unreadable expression, he slowly lifted his left hand to cup your cheek. The corners of his lips lifted in a small smile when you didn’t flinch or move. His hand was centimeters from your face when you abruptly stepped back, eyes never leaving his.

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NEWT SCAMANDER X READER

HEARTBEAT

desc: Newt is unable to grasp why you would ever find fascination in observing him, which is followed by a heartfelt moment, and admittance of love. 

Kisses and lots of FLUFF! <3 (gif not mine, creds to owner)

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Newt Scamander was an absolute work of art, and simply studying his features helped you relax, so you did. He sat at the polished oak table, his right leg shaking as he focused, his honey colored locks sprawled across his forehead. When he focused, these little crinkles appeared from the furrow of his eyebrows, and he would chew his lower lip whilst deep in thought. A golden beam of sunlight twinkled across his button nose, rosy cheeks, and brilliant blue-green eyes. He reached for his steaming mug of tea, letting the curls of steam crawl over his face before taking a careful sip. Then his lips twitched ever so noticeably, and you could make out the little dimples of his curious smile.

“Why are you staring at me?” he asked, his head still bent into his leather notebook, his white feather quill tight in his hand.

You sat across the table from him, head in palm as you examined him, “because you’re very nice to stare at, Newt.”

This split his lips into a wide grin, and he gently set his quill down before giving his full attention to you. “I can’t focus when you’re devouring me with those eyes.”

You shrugged, giving a small grin, “you’re always staring at me, too.”

Newt’s glimmering eyes crinkled, “well, that’s different.”

“Oh yeah?” you teased, “how so?”

“Well, you see, with you - okay, but - you’re very, well-” New continuously tripped over his words as he fumbled to piece together his thoughts. 

“Go on,” you encouraged, stretching your hand across the table.

Newt brought his eyes down, his hand coming up gently to rest in yours, his fingers intertwining with the most cautious ease. He strung his fingers between yours, his eyes looking over your hands for a good while.

“Newt, you’re doing it again,” you giggled, when he’d gotten distracted and removed his hand to draw patterns all over your palms.

“What? Oh, oh, yes, right,” he sighed, putting his hand back in yours. He looked back up, his cheeks flushing a soft pink. “Erm, well, you are the most fascinatingly charming girl I h-have ever had the pleasure of coming upon,” he began, his cheeks reddening at once. “So y-you see, when I study my creatures, I am always discovering more of their hidden wonders, as I am with you. Sometimes the sunlight will cross different crevices of your face, sometimes your eyes are darker than usual, sometimes a strand of hair falls loose, a-and sometimes you’re smile is so wonderfully mesmerizing that I must always…watch. I can’t miss a moment, you see, I have to study you until I know all you’re little quirks like the back of my hand.” Newts eyes had drifted onto a patch of table around halfway through, unable to hold your gaze.

You squeezed his hand really lightly to get his focus, “Newt.” 

He released your hand and brought his own back down into his lap, shifting in his chair and looking very flustered when he looked back up at you.

“Newt, you’re too good to me,” you whispered, feeling ridiculous for wanting to cry. 

“I’m just so lucky to have you, please know this,” he mumbled hurriedly.

You shook your head with a faint laugh, “what makes you think I have no reason to admire you?”

His jaw clenched a little, and you saw his face droop, “my love, there is nothing special to see.”

That physically pained you to hear.

“Newt!” you gasped, “Please, never say that again.”

He grew instantly worried, “Oh-I’m so sorry, please forgive me, I-”

“Shh,” you cut him off and stood up, heading around the table and taking a seat right beside him, turning your chair toward Newt. He half-heartedly turned to face you as well.

“Newt,” you smiled sadly, raising your palm up to graze his cheek. He twitched nervously under your touch, but you reassured him and rested your hand against his freckle dotted skin.

“Newt, you are the kindest and most amazing person ever, and I hate to see you doubting yourself like this. You are so special Newt, and I wish you could see yourself the way I do; as a sweet, loving, and most definitely heart stoppingly beautiful human being. Yes there are kind folks out there, yes there are gorgeous folks out there, but never have I found someone who is both as gorgeous and compassionate to the extent that you are, which is why I am so deeply in lo-”

You stopped short, realizing you had spoken too much and instantly freezing over. You had never exchanged the three magic words with Newt before, and suddenly it seemed nothing but terrifying.

Newts mouth opened, his skin warming beneath your fingertips, “What?”

“N-nothing,” you mumbled, dropping your hand nervously.

Newt grabbed your hand gently before it could fall, and took it in his own, bringing it right up to his chest. You could feel his steady heartbeat rapidly quickening beneath the fabric of his soft clothes.

“Do you feel that?” he gulped.

You nodded shyly, “Yeah?”

“That, (Y/N), is what one who is madly in love feels,” he smiled nervously. “This here, i-is physical proof of how I feel when I’m with you, and how it feels to be head over heels for y-you, my darling.”

You felt your own heartbeat falter before quickening, and Newt asked, “Do you love me too?”

He had said it so quietly that you almost missed it. His lips quivered, his slender fingers trembling as his face sunk into a state of absolute sadness and worry. You couldn’t even speak at the sight, so instead you brought his hand up to your own chest, and lay it against your heart. Newt stretched his fingers slowly across your front, his palm taking in the rapid and intense thrum of your heartbeat.

“You tell me,” you breathed quietly.

He brought his eyes from your heart to your painfully nervous gaze. Once again, his lips twitched and broke into that familiar smile. The sun sent flares across his warm features and illuminated his overjoyed expression.

“I would very much like to kiss you right now, if you would allow me,” he proposed shyly.

You couldn’t help but laugh, your smile stretching wide as you gave him a nod.

Newt pulled a stray hair of yours affectionately behind your ear before tracing down to your jawline and resting his hand beneath your chin. He gave you one last look before tilting his head in with a flutter of his eyelids. Your eyes closed at the moment where your lips made contact. It was only for the briefest of moments, but was plenty enough for you to feel intoxicated by the taste you were given. He was soft and gentle with you, as if you were a fragile piece, and his lips were full, warm, and tasted of delightful sugar sweet joy. You could feel his hand quivering beneath your chin, but you pushed your lips in a little deeper to show you were at ease with him. You felt a rolling crystal droplet trickle down from his eyes and down onto your lips, but the taste of salt in the kiss was one that you knew was from tears of joy. Newt’s timid lips twitched upwards against yours, and he pulled back a second later, forgetting to breathe for a moment. He gulped down the lump in his throat and took a deep breath in whilst opening his bluish green eyes again.

“T-that was-” he stuttered.

“Wonderful,” you smiled and bent forward, dropping a light peck against Newt’s nose. You brought your own head down to Newt’s chest, and burrowed into the crevice of his neck, where you breathed in the scent of flowers and, possibly, niffler. He brought his hand up to hold your head, his free arm coming around your waist and giving you a squeeze. You smiled against his skin and let your eyes come to a close.

Newt sat quietly, formulating sentences but only coming up with one, “I’m just… so lucky to have you,” he whispered again.

Hate To See You Go (Grayson)

Summary: Based off of this ask. You’re a teacher at Grayson’s daughter’s kindergarten and it’s Mother’s Day.
Word Count: 4,463
Warnings: Actual daddy!Gray. Daddy kink (if you squint).
A/N: I swear, I received this ask 3 weeks ago and it’s still stuck on my mind. So I hope you like this, leave feedback if you want to!! This turned out to be longer than intended, yikes xx


The first time you saw Grayson Dolan was when his daughter, Penelope fell off a swing during recess and scraped her knee. She’d cried as you stroked her hair, pointing at her bloody knee while telling you of how she’d tried to stand up on the swing, her foot slipping in process which had caused her to fall off. It wasn’t that bad. In fact, it was a small scrape but it still made your heart squeeze in your chest when you looked over her tear-stained face, her hand squeezed into a small fist as she rubbed her eye.

You’d taken her to your own classroom, calling her father in the process. His voice had sounded deep and it kind of shocked you for a moment. It had been two months since the term had started and Penelope had been brought to kindergarten by her Aunt Cameron. You’d been so curious as to why her father was never around, but Penelope had explained how her father was working early hours and he never had time to take her to preschool; which, you never frowned over that because there were plenty of parents who worked their butts off, having a relative or even a nanny drop their children off in your classroom.

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No Happy Endings | Wonho [M]

Originally posted by wonhontology


Warnings: Strong language and implications of sex.

word count: 3,718

“Hey, what ya’ reading today?” The librarian asks with a smile.

Part 1: The Thing About Keeping Schedules

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got a prompt to draw the gang as mythical creatures.. but I’m not very creative and the only thing i could come up was Lance as a mermaid.. but i also wanted to draw some Klance…

so here have this: AU where Keith (a Texan who has never seen water) goes to the ocean and tries to surf, he almost drowns despite the water being flat as pancake but luckily he is saved by Lance who is a gorgeous, flirty merman. Lance swims Keith to the shore and flirts with him the entire 20 minutes (he could totally have done it in 2 but you don’t catch a cute human every day). Que cute human/mer-person relationship

Wonderfully Distracting

Originally posted by starry-eyed-fujoshi

“Actually,” Stanley murmurs,” I might’ve forgotten about any asking after I had my arm around LeFou’s waist.” Tom throws his arms in the air with a groan, shooting the man across from him an exasperated look.

“For fucks sake, Stan!”

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stileswithderek  asked:

"i’m scared of the dentist so i brought my best friend along for support but they’ve been flirting with the dentist for the past fifteen minutes and now i’m third wheeling at my own dentist appointment’ au" Please? :)

May I present hot dentist Derek and shameless flirter Stiles! (also on ao3!)

“Dude, c’mon. Stop being such a freakin’ baby,” Stiles instructed loftily as he plopped down into one of the waiting room’s uncomfortable plastic chairs, crossing his legs to rest his ankle on his opposite knee, trying to get as comfy as he could on the hard blue plastic seat. He plucked a magazine at random from off the veritable mountain of tabloid spreads and old newspapers on the long coffee table in the center of the room, thumbing through it until he found some interesting pictures along with an article about lions.

Scott groaned low in his throat and begrudgingly took a seat beside him, pouting like a petulant little child as he folded his arms over his chest and stared down at the black and white tiled floor that looked like it had come right out of a 1980’s kitchen. Stiles nudged Scott’s arm with his elbow, flashing his friend a bolstering smile as he told him, “It’s just the dentist, relax. What’s the worst that could happen?”

Scott didn’t seem to appreciate the advice, sending Stiles a pathetic attempt at a glare that was supposed to be scathing but in reality just made him look more constipated than a Chihuahua. Apparently, Scott took his dental hygiene very seriously and while he had been going to Hale Dentistry ever since he was a little kid, same as Stiles, he had been anxious for his appointment since he was informed that his usual dentist would not be in and another doctor would be covering the checkup.

So, being the amazing, wonderful, out of this world best friend slash pretty much brother, that Stiles was, when he found out that Scott was worried about his appointment, he volunteered to go along with him. For moral support, of course.

It certainly wasn’t because his dad was trying some new diet that was beyond disgusting and was invented solely to torment Stiles’ taste buds, the Sheriff insisting that his only son stick to said hellish diet to show solidarity. Yup, it had nothing to do with the fact that he was hoping to stop by McDonald’s and Taco Bell on his way home. Nada.

Stiles had at first just thought that Scott was a little cagey because of the disruption to his routine, never a huge fan of change, thinking that his buddy was just a little nervous about meeting the new doctor that would have their fingers all up in his mouth. But that wasn’t the case. Scott was genuinely anxious, jumping from one worst case scenario to the next, one minute talking about how the new doctor might accidentally chip his tooth and the next talking about how he hoped the new doctor didn’t smell bad.

Stiles had a feeling that he was experiencing what it was like for other people when he inevitably wound up rambling on and on about something or another. He would have to bake his dad an appreciation cake. A low-fat, dairy-free appreciation cake, of course.

With his usual comforting tactics not working, namely self-deprecating humor and poor attempts at levity, Stiles decided to go the way of quiet comfort, gently patting Scott’s arm and giving him lots of thumbs up and encouraging smiles until the receptionist called them back to the exam room. Stiles hopped up out of his seat, feeling a bit fidgety and restless and extremely unfocused since he had forgotten his Adderall that morning. Scott much more reluctant to get back to his feet.

They followed the pretty nurse, who wore a nametag pinned to her orange fox patterned scrubs that identified her as Kira, into the exam room, Stiles thanking her while Scott continued to sulk like a kid who had just let go of his balloon. While Scott got situated in the exam seat, Stiles sunk down into a nice cushiony chair by the door, tugging his phone out of his pocket to check Pokemon Go, having been addicted since they added Gen Two.

He managed to catch two Jigglypuffs and a Cyndiquil before the doctor came in the room, making Stiles’ jaw nearly drop. Because doctors, especially not dentists, should be allowed to be that hot. Once someone achieved that level of hotness they should be promoted to Calvin Klein models or porn stars, preferably gay porn stars.

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You know I still love Dan, there’s no doubt about that but like I’m noticing that while Dan is obviously gorgeous Arin is like subtly gorgeous. He’s that cute boy in class that was always in the background but then like out of nowhere he turns just a certain way and it’s like FUCK HE’S HOT and then like you can never see him as the background boy again because suddenly he’s JUST AS GORGEOUS AS DAN BUT LIKE IN ALL THE OPPOSITE WAYS AND JUST THESE TWO BOYS I SWEAR TO GOD YOU’RE GONNA KILL ME STOP BEING GORGEOUS HUMAN BEINGS I THOUGHT DAN WAS TOO MUCH BUT ARIN WHY FUCK

Aches and Pains

Castiel x Reader

Word Count: 2.2k

Warnings: mention of sleeplessness, fluff, ALL OF THE SMUT.

A/N: Titles are not one of my strengths. Anyway, and this was an Anon request that I got a few days ago. I hope it’s okay… Enjoy?

Anon Request – “hello love! i absolutely adore your writing and i wish i had the kind of motivation you do. but i don’t, so i have a request! do you think you could do one about human!cas being tense and sore and having issues sleeping so the reader (who’s like secretly in love with him) offers to give him a massage and some tips on how to get to sleep better??? maybe throw in some smut (teaching him to jerk it??? idk whatever you like) you don’t have to if you’re uncomfortable. thanks doll

The moans and groans coming from the other side of the wall made your stomach sink. For the last three weeks, you knew Cas had been having trouble sleeping, but tonight was the worst so far. You had just ended a big hunt, Cas’s first as a human. He as having a hard time accepting the fact that he wasn’t some tough, invincible Angel of the Lord anymore. And worse, he needed to sleep, which meant nightmares.

You turned over in bed as you tried to drown out the former angel’s cries. But it was no use, he was miserable, and you needed to help him. You loved him, and you couldn’t leave him like this.

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