he is not living up to his name i swear

Not Funny

Originally posted by vulcannic

Prompt: “Don’t laugh. Do. Not. Laugh. This is not funny.”

Pairing: Scotty x reader (friendship)

Warnings: none

Words: 399

A/N: While I’m away on holiday, I’m giving you guys a drabble or two! Sorry it’s not anything big, but my time has been crunched. Tags under the cut.



You knew that the moment you finally told Scotty what had happened, you wouldn’t live it down. You knew he would tease you endlessly, and yet, you had to tell him. So when he called your name for the fourteenth time in half as many minutes, you finally stood up your spot behind the console.

“Don’t laugh.” You shot him an angry glare as his eyes widened and his jaw dropped. His lips clamped together in a tight line as he struggled to contain his outburst. “Do. Not. Laugh. This is not funny.” You could see him shaking in an attempt to control his laughter. “Scotty, I swear to God if you laugh at me right now I’ll-” You got no further in your sentence before he burst out in loud guffaws.

“S-Sorry Y/N..” He managed to gasp out between peals of laughter. “It’s just…your h-h-hair!” He doubled over, hooting.

“I know.” You crossed your arms and tapped your foot.

“It’s pink! And it’s so bright! I understand wanting to change your look but this is a bit extreme, don’t you think?” His laughter eventually died down to small giggles, and you simply glared at him as he tried to reign his breathing back in.

“Are you done?” You asked, and he nodded, looking you in the eye. That was, until his gaze drifted upwards to your hair and he burst out laughing again. “Scotty! This isn’t funny!” You whined, and he put his hands up in surrender.

“No, of course not.” He sputtered, and you frowned.

“Look, I don’t know how this happened, okay? I was just taking my shower earlier and I swear to you, it’s my usual shampoo bottle, but when I got out and toweled off, my hair was like this! I thought it was an illusion at first, but it didn’t go away.”

“Oh, it will, just give it a few days.” Scotty replied nonchalantly. As his words sunk in, your anger returned, and his face paled.

“And just how is it that you know this, Mr. Scott?” You asked, a deadly calm in your voice.

“I, uh, gotta run.” He turned on his heels and sprinted in the other direction, and you followed only seconds after.

“MONTGOMERY SCOTT, I’M GOING TO KILL YOU!”

Keep reading

Crossroads-

(On mobile, so the formatting is off)


Antonin was lost.

He knew his name, he knew where he worked, and he knew where he lived. Yet, he was still lost.

Sometimes.

Sometimes he would swear he saw things others didn’t.

Sometimes, when he was sweeping the aisles of the Market he worked at, he thought: This isn’t what a broom is for.

Sometimes…

Sometimes, he made things happen.


-0-0-0-

“I don’t know what he was doing there Hermione! I just got the call to come pick him up.” Harry’s floating green head explained.

“Why are you calling me about it?”

“Because. Well, I think you need to see him.”

“Why would I need to see him?”

“He’s….. He’s not the same. Something is…. Something is wrong.”

-0-0-0-


She hated him.

Antonin was sure of it.

Yet still, she stuck around. Taught him things.

“Where do you work?” She asked him grudgingly, stirring her coffee without actually touching the spoon. Antonin tried not to gape.

“A, um, the Market on 6th.”

She looked up at him through her lashes. “A muggle Market?”

“Muggle?” Antonin wondered out loud. He knew that word…. “Right. That’s what you call people who aren’t like you. The ones who don’t have magic.”

She sighed into her coffee. “People who aren’t like us.”

-0-0-0-

“It’s his memory. It’s gone. Well, not gone exactly. But, everything he knew about magic, it seems to be missing.”

“Tell me again, why is that my problem?” Hermione crossed her arms.

“I had Draco look into his memories. Try to find the what went wrong.” Harry hesitated. “Remember when we were on the run? It was right after the wedding. Antonin was one of the Death Eaters that found us at that cafe…” Harry trailed off.

Hermione uncrossed her arms. “This is my fault.”

-0-0-0-

She still didn’t like him.

But that wasn’t the problem.

The problem.

The problem was that he liked her.

Antonin knew he probably shouldn’t like her, shouldn’t want her. Knew that in muggle world, something like this wouldn’t be accepted, but all of that faded away when she was near.

-0-0-0-

“You met with him?” Harry asked when Hermione turned up on his doorstep late one night.

“He… Harry…” Hermione looked up at him, her expressive eyes pleading with him.

Harry pulled her into his arms, “It was an accident. I know you only meant to take away the memory of us that night.”

Hermione shuddered, “Was it though, Harry? Was it an accident?”

Harry didn’t answer, just rubbed her back and made soothing noises as she stared blankly at the wall.


-0-0-0-

He showed up at her door, a bouquet of flowers in hand. “These are for you.” He thrusted them toward her and Hermione took an involuntary step back. Antonin frowned at the action.

Hermione cursed herself for the instincts that had kept her alive for so long. She took a step forward, reaching for the flowers. Their fingers tangled together around the stems and Hermione felt a shock when they touched that made her blush. “Thank you Antonin.”

He gulped, unsure what the electric charge between them meant. “You’re welcome.”

-0-0-0-

“How’s it going?” Harry asked, watching her from across the small round cafe table.

“It’s- He’s-” Hermione sighed and looked at him again with those pleading eyes, willing him to understand. “He’s not the same person anymore.”

-0-0-0-

Getting a wand was both a new and old experience.

He hated the way people -witches and wizards, he reminded himself- pulled away from him. The fear in their eyes and the hate etched on their faces made him feel both proud and immeasurably guilty. He shrank back from them, hoping that if he seemed smaller, if they couldn’t see his face, then maybe they wouldn’t loathe him.

He loved the way she stood by him. His Hermione walked past them all, head held high, as she led him through the crowds. Once, she even took his hand when the crowd seemed to close in around him, pulling him along behind her. Her small hand was warm, almost hot, in his larger one. It wasn’t soft as he expected, but rough with callouses. It felt like being found.

-0-0-0-

“I think you should find a new teacher for him.” Hermione stated as she stood in the middle of his office, rather than sitting like she normally would. She held herself stiffly, as if she were bracing herself against harsh words.

“Why?” Harry asked, he already had an idea of why, had suspected it over the last few months as they had grown closer.

She bit her lip, “Things have gotten… complicated.”

-0-0-0-

He had started bringing her flowers every time they met.

And then they started meeting more often.

She blushed every time.

Antonin would hold his breath, waiting for this time -this time- to be the one where she didn’t take the flowers, the time she didn’t blush, the time their fingers didn’t brush and he would be deprived of that tingle of awareness.

But every day she took them. And every day she blushed. And every day their fingers would touch and that little shock would run through him and he wondered.

Wondered if she felt it too.

He wondered right up until the day she took hold of the flowers and wrapped her hand around his own. His eyes widened as she rose to her tiptoes and leaned in close. He inhaled greedily- noting her scent of vanilla and parchment and the coffee she drank in copious amounts- and held his breath when her lips touched his cheek lightly. So soft they could have been goose down feathers. She lingered and her puff of breath warmed his cheek and sent goosebumps racing across his skin. She pulled back and searched his eyes. When she smiled, he released the breath he had been holding and when she turned away, he put a hand to the cheek she had kissed and swore he would never forget this moment.

-0-0-0-

She was drunk when she showed up on his doorstep.

“Hermione?”

“I do’ I don’ like ‘im Harry.” Her words were slurred and Harry quickly pulled her inside.

“Please tell me you didn’t apparate here.” He begged and checked her over for injuries. He had never seen Hermione like this before and he was worried about what may have caused her to drink so much.

“He’s no’ a good wizard ‘Arry. He’s no’” She stumbled as she tried to walk. “‘Course I didn’ ap’rate! I walked.” She told him as he settled her on the couch. She slumped forward into his arms and the smell of firewhisky on her breath was so strong it made his eyes sting.

Harry blinked as her slurred words began to clear up in his mind. “Is this about Antonin?”

She nodded sadly and sniffled. “I don’ like ‘im, ‘Arry. But, tha’s the problem. I do. I do like ‘im. So so much. Did you know he smells so good ‘Arry? I won *hiccup* I won’ner what he uses. An his hair! His hair is so dark and soft looking. Do you think it’s sof’ ‘Arry?”

She looked up at him with doleful eyes and Harry tried not to snort in amusement. He didn’t quiet succeed, but Hermione seemed to take it as an affirmative answer and nodded. “‘Course you do. Bu’ I can’ like ‘im! It’s wrong!”

Harry laid her back on the couch and brushed her wild curls out of her face. “You probably won’t remember this, but it’s okay to like him, you know? He’s a different person now. Isn’t that what you told me?” He smiled as she bunched the pillow under her head. “I think we had a similar conversation about Draco once.”

“Its differ’nt.” She mumbled sleepily and burrowed under the blanket Harry had summoned and draped over her.

Harry smiled down at her, her soft snores all too familiar. “Is it Hermione? Is it really?”

-0-0-0-

He wasn’t sure who started it, but he didn’t really care. She was on top of him, pushing him back into the mattress and his hands were up her shirt. When she pulled it off, his eyes widened at the sight of the long purple scar that ran from her shoulder to the opposite hip.

He traced it, his fingers dancing across the raised surface. She shivered under his touch. “Who did this to you?” He asked, his voice laced with anger. He would make that person pay. Man, woman, witch or wizard, they would pay for hurting her.

She took his hand in hers, lacing their fingers together. “A wizard did this. A very bad wizard who didn’t know any better.”

He looked deep into her eyes, searching. “Is he….?” He trailed off, too afraid of what answer was hiding in her eyes.

She kissed him. Hard. Teeth clashed together as she held his hand in one of her own against her chest. She pulled away panting, “He’s gone now. He’s gone now and that’s all that matters.”

Antonin nodded along and pulled her body back down until they were sharing breath. She moved against him and he pulled her tighter, kissing the delicate skin on her neck. She vanished the rest of their clothing and they both gasped at the skin-on-skin contact.

She balanced herself on her knees and positioned them both. When he slid into her for the first time, Antonin was sure that the muggles were wrong. Heaven wasn’t some place high above the clouds. Heaven was watching the woman he loved move above him, rising and falling to her own pace. Heaven was the wonder in her face as their combined heat brought a flush to her cheeks. Heaven, heaven was her face tilted toward the sky as she rode through her pleasure, her nails leaving red marks across his stomach and her breath coming in pants.

Heaven was watching her as he held onto her waist and prayed this would never end.

Antonin pulled her hips down as he pushed up. He threw his head back on the pillow and closed his eyes as he found his own release inside of her. Panting slightly, she slid off of him. They rolled over and he pulled her close, until her back was pressed against his chest. He pushed the sweat dampened hair off her neck and trailed soft kisses from between her shoulder blades to just under her hairline. “That’s all that matters.” He agreed.


@laisvega @indiebluecrown @jheely @jasperandgemma @disillusionist9 @chiseplushie @nauticalparamour @kreeblimsabs @calebski …… I’m not sure who else to tag for this so…. feel free to add I guess?

ask-artsy-oncie  asked:

Imagine the sweeter side to Poppy and Branch being parents, Branch making silly faces and voices to make his babies laugh. Poppy photographing and scrapbooking all the momentous occasions in their young lives. The two of them working together to soothe the babies to sleep

omg they’re such fuckin sweet parents I love them.

Okay but imagine the twins being super young, like just a few weeks old and Poppy hears Branch urgently yelling her name from across the house. She comes in to find the kids lying on a blanket in the living room and Branch is just leaning over, watching them intently.

He looks up at her, grinning “You missed it.”

“What’d I miss?”

“His smile, Poppy. He smiled for the first time and it was really small and didn’t last long but-but, I swear to God, it was YOUR smile. He has your smile, Poppy! Every time he smiles, he’s gonna have your smile. Imagine that, two Poppy smiles!”

Branch is just losing his shit, gushing like the brand new dad that he is. Like Poppy hasn’t seem him this excited since she told him she was pregnant.

Overwatch.

A/n: I decided to write another because why not? I hope you enjoy it.  ♡


I’ve been living with Calvin for around six months now. Living with him had it’s ups and downs. He is normally in his room all the time, I swear the kid never sees the light of day. He’s been playing this damn game that he’s obsessed with. Overwitch? I can never remember the name of it, but whatever it is, it sounds like utter garbage.

I’m sitting on our couch watching old episodes of Bob’s Burgers when I wonder what Calvin is doing. I push myself off the couch ready to investigate. I slowly drag my sock covered feet to the front of his closed door. I knock on the door loudly twice before I hear a faint “Come in.” I grab the doorknob and twist it, pushing the door open. My eyes immediately land on Calvin, the glow emitting from his computer screen shows his concentrated face. He’s gnawing at his bottom lip, right hand moving the mouse around his desk, long slender fingers pushing the keys of his keyboard. I shuffle closer to his desk, coming up to the side of him, I look towards his screen. “What the fuck are you playing, Calvin?” I ask confused. “Oh dude, it’s Overwatch.” he says matter of factly. Oh, Overwatch. Eh, close enough right? I stand there watching the game play, slightly amazed at the fact of how he is killing so many people. “How do you do that?” I ask, eyes slightly wide. Calvin smirks and turns his head towards me “Do you want to try it out?” he asks me. “What? Me? Haha, Calvin. No. It looks so shit.” I start laughing at his ridiculous offer. I would never play this dumb game.

“Come on (Y/n), please for me” he starts pouting his bottom lip at me and I melt. I couldn’t say no to Calvin’s puppy dog face, it was my biggest weakness. I groan loudly as he hops out of the seat happily, he puts his hands on the back of the chair eager for me to sit down. I sit down in the chair and Calvin pushes me closer towards the desk. “Okay, super simple right? Literally just move around and shoot anyone you see with a red name tag” he explains to me. I look at the screen and put my right hand over the mouse. The game loads and it tells me to select a hero, I panic a little bit and move the cursor over all the heroes. “Uh, which one do I choose Cal?” I ask quietly. “Um, pick Tracer, she’s literally so easy to play as dude, no joke” he smiles down at you. I select Tracer and wait for the game to begin.

Round one begins and I move the mouse around, looking at my surroundings. “Yeah, okay here babe” Calvin stands behind you and stretches over the chair, placing his hand over the top of yours on the mouse. He left clicks and the gun shoots, scaring me a little. “Left click is to shoot, okay?” I nod slowly. “W, A, S, D moves you around, try it” he explains to me. I press down on W and Tracer moves forward, I try all the other keys and begin to figure out the controls.

Half an hour later and I’ve got the gist of this game. Am I enjoying it? Pft, what. Has Calvin died of laughter? Um, yes. Do I fucking suck? Yes, precisely. Will I ever play this again? Um, totally not, ha.

DEFEAT. Again, we lost. I sigh and slouch in the chair. “Hey, cheer up babe, you learnt how to play it and you had fun, right?” he crouches down in front of me. “Yeah, it actually was pretty fun now I know why you’re always in your room” I giggle. He smiles widely, his eyes wrinkling in the corners. He gets up from crouching, he puts his hands out in front of me. I put my own in his and he lifts me up from his chair, pulling me into a hug. He kisses my forehead and smiles at me. I rest my head on his shoulder and close my eyes. He wraps his arms around my waist and sways us slowly. “My little gamer girl” he chuckles to himself.

What we learned from “The New Lars”


-Steven can basically possess people like he can with his melon children
-Lars is a piece of garbage and I love him so much
-Steven ships lars and sadie so hard man, and thinks he will be the uncle to their future child(ren)
-Lars suppresses his emotions, which is relatable man
-Lars sleeps naked
-Steven wanted to protect Lars’ privacy and just put on clothes as soon as he woke up, which is something not a lot of people would do if they swapped bodies with someone
-Lars lives in the attic of his parents house, at his request
-His real name is Laramie and he is a very bad student since he puts in little to no effort
-His dad’s name is Dante, his moms is Martha, and also his parents are so sheepish and cute like I feel lars just pushes them around
-Steven doesn’t understand the public school grading system
-His parents keep all of his childhood art in picture frames on their wall
-His mom got him plugs with hearts in them thats so cute man
-Lars likes to swear
-Lars is so god damn lanky
-Steven in lars body freaked onion out man thats the first time I saw him uncomfortable
-The cool kids genuinely like steven and are more like sleeping tigers
-Steven being nice as lars is really out of character
-Lars is 100% a tsundere
-The cool kids saying “maybe lars is actually a good guy who likes making people feel good”, so they basically see actual lars as the inverse of that
-Buck Dewey has a dance crew
-Steven/lars got some sick dance moves
-”Well if it aint the human boomerang, always coming back to me”
-Sadie lounges around in a robe and bunny slippers
-Honestly sadie you could do better than lars, thats a fact
-Sadie uses a pile of stuffed animals as a bean bag chair
-Sadie likes horror/slasher fics
-”And you love me? Even like this?”, Oh my god this is crying breakfast friends all over again huh
-Omg sadie, the feels man you’re so good dont let lars tell u otherwise
-Steven is really messing things up man, like boy
-”Lars would never apologize to me” Sadie girl thats hella sad like I know you really like Lars, but come on sadie
-The cool kids literally don’t even know Sadie’s name, they call her “donut girl”, which like I can understand because they’re not really in the same friend group, but come on you guys live in a city with a population of like 20
-Lars’ parents are okay with stalking him
-SADIE CAN BUST A DOOR IN HALF WITH HER FOOT
-Lars’ parents are basically just waiting for their trash son to be a terrible person, gotta set those expectations low man
-Wow so many humans are in the temple house omg
-Steven’s powers are only a one way street, so he literally just possessed lars
-Okay but Lars has every right to be angry tho? Like I know steven was just trying to help, but like boy you cant just cross a line like that??
-The cool kids trying to protect Steven was really nice, but like I feel steven kinda just destroyed whatever friendship them and lars had
-Buck’s dance crew came home with a silver trophy
-Lars has actual feelings for sadie, and even though he is still a trash boy, I really hope that relationship can work because I fell sadie can bring out the best in him
-Lars and Sadie’s relationship and friendship is very complex and sort of messed up, but if Steven ships it then so do I tbh

I work at a vet clinic and today at work someone brought in a tiny little Husky puppy named Loki to get vaccinated. And he actually lived up to his name because he kept trying to get into everything causing mischief. Then right after, someone else brought in a big Husky and, no joke, his name was Thor. But Thor was walking in when little Loki was leaving, and I swear both dogs just stopped and stared each other down for at least a minute. But I seriously could not stop laughing and no one else could figure out why. Most accurately named dogs in the world.

Nate Maloley Imagine - High.

Anon: Could I get a Nate imagine where the reader is tired of him being high all the time so she confronts him about and they end up fighting but it ends all cute and shit

Includes swear words (cuss/curse words) and a cutie named Nate Maloley.

– Y/N’s POV –

The clocks calls eleven, then twelve, then one and before I know it, four - in the morning. Finally, the door is forced open and my boyfriend of five years strolls in, giggling quietly to himself.

“Nate, come here please.” I call from the living room, hating the fact I sound like his mother - I shouldn’t have to.

“Baby I missed you so much,” he giggles, falling down onto the couch next to me, laying his head on my lap. “Aw you’re so snuggly Y/N, like a big teddy bear, you’re my lil’ teddy bear baby.”

He pushes himself up the couch and twists me around so we’re both laying down and he’s laying on top of me. Nate’s hand travels down towards my shorts, whilst he sucks on my neck and kisses the spot afterwards. “Nate no, get off.” I tell him, pulling his hand out of my shorts.

He’s high. He’s horny. I’m pissed off. I’m tired.

“But I want you bab-”

“Get the fuck off me,” I snap. He lifts his head, revealing his blood shot eyes and furrowed eyebrows. Slowly but surely, he picks himself  up and sits between my legs. “It’s getting past pathetic now, Nate,” I start, fixing my shorts and t-shirt. “You’re always high, I can’t remember the last time you were sober. You’re always with the guys, getting high, you promised we’d have a night to ourselves…I’ve waited on this fucking couch since 6pm and it’s now 4 in the fucking morning. I’m sick and tired of this shit Nate, either sort yourself out or I’m gone. I didn’t fall in love with this Nate in front of me, my Nate doesn’t even exist anymore,” I hold back the tears and push myself up to my feet before standing there for some minutes.

I scoff when he doesn’t reply, just sits there. “I’m fucking done, Nate, and if you think you’re sleeping upstairs you can think again.”

Shaking my head, I walk out of the room and upstairs to bed.

* * *

Hours later, the light of day shines into the room and wakes me up…as well as Nate’s quiet voice. “Y/N, Y/N wake up please, baby.”

I open my eyes and see him crouched down beside the bed. “What?” I ask.

“Look I’m sorry okay? I fucked up, big time, and I was too high to realise it last night,” he explains, lifting his hand to stroke his fingers over my cheek. “Hopefully, if you let me, I can make it up to you…if you come downstairs.”

I nod my head and climb out of bed, he waits for me to put some pants on before leading me downstairs. When we eventually reach the living room, I see a photo album on the coffee table, a large bouquet of red roses beside it with a bunch of balloons trapped by the ceiling.

I sit down in front of the photo album and open it, letting a smile appear on my face when I see a picture of Nate and I when we were younger. Before we got together we were best friends since kindergarten. Turning the page, my smile brightens once I see another picture, years later from the last, of Nate pushing me on a swing in our favourite park on the day he asked me to be his girlfriend. “Nate-”

“That was the day I realised you meant everything to me, you still do. I’ve been a fool Y/N, for ages and now I’m just realising it. I’m so sorry, I’m such an asshole to you and I just want you to know that I’m gonna’ change, I’m gonna be the Nate you fell in love with,” he crouched down in front of me and holds my hands. “The thought of you leaving scared me to death Y/N, I cried myself to sleep after you said that, I’ve never cried so much in my life..and you know how I can be.”

I lift my hand up and run my fingers through his knotted hair. “Nate I didn’t mean it, I was just mad.”

“And you have every right to be, I love you so so much Y/N, I never want to lose you,” he sighs, leaning into my comfort to hug me. “Imma’ be a better boyfriend, I ain’t getting high no more.”

“I’m not completely stopping you, but it was every single night Nate, I was so sick and tired of it.” I tell him, stroking his hair.

“I know, baby, I’m so sorry too. I told the guys and they’re gonna’ support it, even if I beg them for a joint.” I chuckle and kiss the top of his head.

“I love you, Nate.”

“I love you too lil’ mama.”