he is my ideal man which says a lot about the kind of relationships i have

|| stall me ||

[request prompt: Can you do a Peter x Reader where he chooses Michelle over you and then the reader ends up dying/getting hurt and he feels terrible for it and regrets his decision (I love michelle I just need angst! lol)]

inspired by {{stall me}} by panic! at the disco ♡ ♡ ♡

tags [permanent + peter parker]: @ghostedwolf , @preciousnewt , @lovelybaka , @animexchocolate, @fandom-flash , @psychicwitchphilosopher , @pharaohkiller , @moonlight53 , @literatureandimmature, @daydr3ams-away, @wannabe-weasley , @mcusebstan , @tmrhollandkay , @pepcvina , @nekonerdxox , @lokigirl18 , @fangeekkk , @kylielo22 , @wavy-ley , @lghockey , @buckysendoftheline , @1022bridgetp , @potterjamesharry , @mcheung0314 , @samanthasmileys , @melconnor2007 , @wingsanddarkness , @tiny-friggin-human , @anastasiaannaa , @superheros-movies-and-books , @chuckennuggets1213 , @raindancer2004

warnings: minor spoilers for homecoming

**please don’t repost/plagiarize this story. Reblogs are fine**


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Some thoughts on the Watson marriage

First of all, upfront: I believe Mary and John sincerely loved each other and were genuinely trying to make their relationship work. But clearly, at least on some levels, it was not working, and I want to play armchair marriage counsellor for a bit and look at why.

So, obviously, the first major misstep in their marriage is Mary lying about her history and identity, and then shooting John’s best friend to protect her secret.  Why didn’t she just tell him who she was from the beginning? 

MARY: John can’t ever know that I lied to him. It would break him and I would lose him forever.

She was terrified that he wouldn’t love her if he found out about her past.  What might have given her that idea?  What messages was John sending her that his love was conditional on her being ordinary, sweet, and safe?

In some ways, John’s behavior after he finds out the truth proves her fears unjustified.  Though he struggles for a while, he doesn’t leave her, and he makes a renewed commitment to their relationship.  So far so good.  But look at what he says to her:

JOHN: The problems of your past are your business. The problems of your future … are my privilege. It’s all I have to say. It’s all I need to know.

It’s a very romantic moment, and clearly well-intentioned. And Mary is grateful for his forgiveness, and agrees to move forward with him.  But there’s a mixed message hidden in John’s statement.  In throwing away the thumb drive unread, he’s confirming her suspicion that he can’t love the person she was in the past, only the persona she has created.  

MARY: You don’t even know my name.
JOHN: Is ‘Mary Watson’ good enough for you?

Here again – it’s a lovely and romantic sentiment, but even as Mary was thrilled to accept his forgiveness, she must have gotten the message that Mary Watson is acceptable, but her history as Rosamund is not.  That could only have heightened her sense of insecurity in the relationship.  It would have been a much more generous gesture on John’s part if he had simply asked her name at that moment, instead of shoving it into the closet of things we must never speak of.

In TST, John acts surprised that Mary is still keeping secrets from him, but what choice did he give her?  He basically told her there’s this whole part of her life that he doesn’t want to hear about.  

And when he does catch her in her lies, John tries to be understanding, but he makes another small mistake with big repercussions:

JOHN: Mary, I may not be a very good man, but I think I’m a bit better than you give me credit for, most of the time.

I think what he means is that he’s not as judgmental as she thinks – she doesn’t need to hide from him, because he would support her even in difficult times.  But by phrasing it in terms of him being “good”, he also unintentionally reminds her that she is not good.  This is a difference between them in her mind: he is good and she is bad.  

MARY: You’re always a good man, John. I’ve never doubted that. You never judge; you never complain. I don’t deserve you.

She seems here to be accepting his claim that he won’t judge her. But in saying that she doesn’t deserve him, she’s highlighting the fact that he makes her feel lesser, which makes her insecure and leads her to lie and misrepresent herself in order to seem “good” enough for him.  

Once they get back home, she states this problem again, even more clearly:

MARY: You don’t make it easy, do you?
JOHN: What d’you mean?
MARY: Well, being … being so perfect.

Unmistakably, she is trying to tell him how hurt she is by the roles they’ve unwittingly assigned each other: Perfect John and Bad Mary.  And at last, it seems like John gets it. Before they’re interrupted, he starts to tell her about his affair in an effort to reassure Mary that neither of them is perfect.  It feels like the best chance they have for a fresh start based on a better understanding of and respect for each other as real, flawed people.

Then, sadly, Mary dies before they are able to hash this out. And one of the most tragic elements of her death scene is this:

MARY: Being Mary Watson was the only life worth living.

Mary wants to leave their relationship on the best note possible, but it breaks my heart that even with her dying breaths, she feels the best way to do this is to deny the “bad Rosamund” that John always seemed to be rejecting, and present herself as the “good Mary” that she believed John wanted her to be.

And the thing is, I don’t think John ever intended her to feel that way.  He wears a conventional veneer, but Sherlock is right – deep down, John wanted to be with someone as dangerous and morally grey as he is.  He initially thought he wanted perfect Mary, but he really fell in love with the more complicated Rosamund underneath.

And yet, even though he loved her, forgave her, and respected her for the most part, a part of him was still angry and resentful over Mary’s betrayal, and I think he unconsciously picked on her for it in these subtle ways.  

Which is understandable, if not ideal.  But what *really* saddens me is what John says at the end of TLD:

JOHN: I’m not the man you thought I was; I’m not that guy. I never could be. But that’s the point. That’s the whole point. Who you thought I was… is the man who I want to be.

No, John, no!  He’s so close here, but then he gets it so wrong.  Mary doesn’t want you to be that perfect man she thought you were! Mary thought that dude was kind of a jerk!  And she was right, honestly.  What Mary was trying to tell you is, that man is sanctimonious, patronizing, and judgmental.  DON’T BE THAT GUY.  No one likes that guy, least of all Mary.  

Mary didn’t want a “good man”, she wanted a partner in crime. Someone who understood her and respected her – ALL of her, not just the pretty and well-behaved bits.  At your best, John, you were that partner, but at your worst, you were a superior, scolding, hypocritical prig.

I’m not sure, but I think (I hope?) this is what Sherlock’s getting at during this exchange:

SHERLOCK: It’s not a pleasant thought, John, but I have this terrible feeling, from time to time, that we might all just be human.
JOHN: Even you?
SHERLOCK: No. Even you.

The lesson John needs to learn is not to be a better man for the perfect, imaginary version of Mary in his head, but to be kinder and more accepting and empathetic to the real, flawed person Mary actually was.  And to honor her memory, perhaps be kinder and more accepting and empathetic to people like her – including himself.

Your relationship with Taeil from his POV


Taeil’s one wasn’t requested like at all lmfao and I know it probably won’t get many notes either because its Taeil like wtf do u lot have against him why don’t u like reading about him :( So I didn’t spend too long on this :( but somehow this is about 2,600 words long lol

Your relationship with NCT from his POV

I will do all the debuted members in NCT excluding Sm Rookies, but first I’m starting with the hyung line of NCT before doing the maknae line!

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  • First impression- I actually can’t remember having much of a first impression on Cass actually, I didn’t think about him that much, which isn’t surprising because he’s not what I’d typically describe as my ‘type’ of character. 

  • Impression now- Cassian is a character that I shouldn’t be this deeply in love with but I am. He’s got that typical hulking, muscular, greatest warrior ever blah blah blah exterior but the interior is all heart and emotion. He’s incredible compassionate, emotionally sensitive, self-aware, supportive, loyal and committed.

    Also, fandom talks a lot about Rhys’ feminism but I actually think Cassian would make a more interesting argument on that front. Cassian doesn’t give the women around him titles and empty gestures and the illusion of power that he ultimately still controls. Cassian trains them, teaches them how to defend themselves and fight for themselves and doesn’t make them reliant on him but shows them how they can rely on themselves.

    One of the first things Cassian does for Feyre is to tell her that she’s found herself a teacher if she wants one. No mess, no fuss, just, I see what you’ve been through, I see how you’ve suffered, I see why, I’m going to give you the ability to make sure that never happens to you again

    Same with Nesta - he gives her a blade and gives her basic self-defence tips to take care of herself. He affirms her agency and her power and how she is in control and how she chooses, and not through a middle-man. If she doesn’t want a man to touch her, she dictates that. He doesn’t offer to be her shield, he puts a blade in her hand and tells her she can damn well look after herself) He supports and empowers without smothering or directing, he’s a pillar, not a pedestal and that’s important. 

  • Favourite moment-  He studied Nesta for a long moment. She was still glaring at the queens, her eyes lined with tears—tears of rage and despair, from that fire that burned her so violently from within. When she finally noticed Cassian, she looked up at him.
    His voice was rough as he said, “Five hundred years ago, I fought on battlefields not far from this house. I fought beside human and faerie alike, bled beside them. I will stand on that battlefield again, Nesta Archeron, to protect this house—your people. I can think of no better way to end my existence than to defend those who need it most.” 

    The nessian content is good but from a Cassian point of view I think this just embodies who he is. Because this actually is not about Nesta in the sense that Cassian is not standing there saying he will protect her, at no point does he ever say that to her, he promises to protect her house, her people, people who cannot protect themselves. This is for Nesta in the sense that it mirrors her ideals and it mirrors what she wanted and argued for a few moments before but it’s bigger than her. 

    This is the heart of Cassian - protecting those who cannot protect themselves - is what his character embodies. The warrior who fights without expectation of glory or riches or power but because there is a frightened child behind him that he will give his life to defend.

    Same kind of idea in the “I know” scene with Feyre and the scene where he supports Mor in ACOWAR after the CoN travesty. 

  • Idea for a story- I might actually want to take Cassian’s wings from him and see how he copes and what he does, how it changes him and how he stays the same in spite of that. Cassian has, I think, a deeper connection to his Illyrian heritage than either Azriel or Rhys. I don’t think it’s blind, I think there’s condemnation and awareness in there, but there’s a bit of pride as well.

    I also think this could have made an interesting and powerful statement with regards to the female Illyrians. Hundreds, probably thousands of those women have had their wings clipped and mutilated to prevent them ever flying again. Where’s the outcry for them? People lost their minds when Cassian’s wings were threatened, when he might not be able to fly again, but all of those women have their wings clipped and are not allowed to fly, are forced to breed.

    I want a narrative where Cassian loses his wings and can’t fly anymore and he returns to the camps and gets a very serious reality shock from the thousands of women who still have their wings, who were not allowed to sacrifice them to shield a loved one, who there was no outrage and agony over and so he forms a new legion - the Illyrians who cannot fly but who can still fight. The females with clipped wings, the Illyrians born with deformities, the Illyrians who lost their wings to battle scars or infection. Cassian trains them and rallies them and rediscovers purpose in himself.

    The female Illyrians who can fly stand with their clipped sisters and join this legion too. Cassian appoints a young daemati female soldier to his command and uses her and the other females who are more fierce and loyal than any others he’s ever worked with, to command and direct his aerial troops. 

  • Unpopular opinion- Erm…I don’t think I have one?? Maybe ‘Cassian is a more interesting feminist study than Rhys’ but idk. 

  • Favourite relationship- Nessian intrigues me and delights me a hell of a lot. But I think his relationship with Az is something that should get more attention - there’s a definite ‘two sides of the same coin’ kind of yin and yang between them and comparing and contrasting them is really interesting tbh. Also Cassian/Mor (even though I have some minor regards with how this was handled in regards to ACOWAR and Moriel) it is Good and Pure and there’s a lot of supportive unconditional love there that I’m here for. 

  • Favourite headcanon- Cassian designs and personally gives his soldiers their Illyrian tattoos. The Inner Circle all have a variation of the Night Court insignia specific to the Court of Dreams somewhere on their bodies. After the war he adds it to Feyre’s spinal tattoo. He and Nesta have matching tattoo designs inked onto their bodies to mark their mating bond acceptance. Nesta saw the designs doodled at the side of one of his reports and announced that she wanted them. Cassian was shocked but didn’t argue. He gave her hers; she gave him his. 
Mandatory bughead post #2: My thoughts on Bughead and why it is important.

I’m aware that the words ‘bughead’ & ‘important’ in the same sentence seem like a misfit but there is a good reason why I’ve chosen to write it so. This thought came to my mind whilst trawling through the morass of ‘ships’ & ‘ship-wrecks’ on tumblr & twitter about Riverdale. 

Now, I’m not someone who watches a lot of TV shows ,however, Riverdale was a serendipitous discovery that happened to me two weeks ago. 

I have been a fan of Archie comics since I was little & my two favourite characters were Jughead & Betty, in that order. Watching Riverdale was a revelation as it brought me back to the Archie’s world and I saw it in a new light. I went into it without expectations.

What I was not prepared for was how Bughead would gently creep up on me and reign over my entire existence in such a short span of time. 

You see, I have had a few ships, some fleeting and some enduring,some canon and some fantasy, however nothing as rabid or as intense that’d induce an “I’m SHOOK” moment. Until bughead happened.

When I used to read the comic books, I had wanted Archie to one day wake up & realize that Betty was the one for her, because I could so relate to her as a kind & sweet girl, being taken for granted every time and with a history of unrequited love. I’m 30 now and life-experiences, especially of the bitter kind has certainly changed my perspective about these things, especially about romantic relationships. No more suffering fairy-tale princesses for me. 

In the comics, although Jughead and Betty were my favourites and they always were good to each other, the thought of them as a potential match had never crossed my mind. I was intrigued and amused by Jughead’s woman-hating stance and had imagined that one day an extraordinary woman worthy of him would come and sweep him off his feet.I had no concept of sexuality and its associated complications that we see today, it was only a pure and innocent fantasy in my mind. 

I had only been familiar with the ‘classic’ and humorous golden age Archie comic digests and was unaware of the modern reboots and the various universes. Therefore, when I started watching Riverdale, I was immediately hooked to its modern,quirky & dark narrative and had my assumptions broken down bit by bit with each episode. When I started with the show, five episodes were already in so I binge watched them in a single night, which left me with little time to process the minute details and subtleties, which is why I missed noticing the growing chemistry Betty and Jughead. 

It was only when I began exploring the show on the internet and understood the whole narrative and tone of the show,re-watched the episodes, saw the interviews, trawled Tumblr & youtube and accidentally saw the leaked bughead kiss is when it hit me like slap on the face and a swift kick in the ovaries. It nearly felt like enlightenment!

Once I had seen and felt it, there was no going back. It was a like a virus firmly implanted in my psyche. I resurrected my dormant and inactive tumblr and twitter accounts only to ship bughead. I’m sure fellow bughead fans know the drill of our coming undone so I won’t go into much detail. 

Coming to the next part. Riverdale or rather Bughead has come into my life as a breath of fresh air when I am going through a very dark and stressful phase. I have been going through a very difficult divorce from a man, who caused mental abuse and cheated my family of money & absconded and left me to deal with the consequences and legal battles, triggering my anxiety,fear and depression. A man whom I had trusted with my everything and was completely vulnerable to, used me and left me with a deep fear and mistrust of relationships, trauma and some very hard learnt lessons. I’m an eternal romantic but a part of me has become cynical about it. 

Riverdale is a unique show as is evident in its excellent writing,for those who care to notice the nuances and characterisations. The symbolism, fore-shadowing, word-play, subtle body-language cues of the characters, parallelism and of course, a quality mystery is the gold-standard of writing. Can we also talk about the wonderful and talented cast who have given life to the characters? The show is a slow burn and not for those with a shallow mind who are looking for popcorn entertainment with a lot of mindless drama and illogical  and unstable romantic pairings based on lust and superficial chemistry,

Bughead is not just a run of the mill ship that people are fangirling over. It is beautiful union which tells you the story of two woefully young and tender yet jaded individuals, thrown together by a tragic fate, who are battling the darkness within and without, fighting for something that’s bigger than them and their personal problems. They are fighting for justice, light and hope. In spite of their struggle with their personal demons. Can you imagine what they are going through? For any child, parents are the safe space when the world around them crumbles, but both Betty and Jughead’s parents let them down with lies, manipulation and broken promises and the possibility that their families could be the perpetrators of murder. Under such horrible circumstances, they find the safe space with each other.  

They both are mature beyond their years, insightful, righteous, kind, compassionate, supportive and caring and there for each other without being asked. They communicate with their heart and eyes (sometimes with heart eyes too ;) ) It is not a connection based on lust and hormonal surges. Something very old-fashioned and real in the era of hook-ups. An oasis in a desert.

People who keep harping on about how there is no chemistry at all between Jughead and Betty and that it was rushed and illogical, then I’m sorry that you’re oblivious to everything that is going on in the show. They have been friends since childhood.

I think we do not give the writers enough credit for writing something so profound and refreshing in spite of it being a teen drama. A homeless, abandoned, rudderless boy, an outcast who is bullied, selflessly helps a  girl find her sister and uncover the truth, not because he wants to get into her pants. A stifled, lonely yet nurturing and loving girl giving strength, support and courage to a lost and scared boy failed by his father and society. They are each other’s guardian angels.

So I ask this to all the haters..can’t you see this? Are you so blinded by your superficial hate and violent desire to stuff your ship down everyone’s throats because it gives you some sort of false sense of control over others that you have lost the ability to objectively see what the show is striving for through this beautiful narrative within the confines of what is ostensibly a teen drama? Can we not rise above our pettiness of mindless and hostile shipping to learn from it? Everyone is free to ship whomever and whatever they want but it is another thing to be so vitriolic and spiteful towards the others to have your way. Isn’t shipping supposed to be all about love anyway? Bughead is so much above all this petty drama, it is transcendental.  

There’s so much that all of us, teens and even adults can learn from this ideal of a super healthy relationship that both television and our lives need. We need to move away from toxicity both in entertainment and our lives. Can we not be inspired to work on ourselves and build supportive, organic and nurturing relationships? This should give so much inspiration to the teens of today. With Betty & Veronica, the show strives to re-build the idea of strong, female friendships which seems to have become an alien concept in the world of ‘frenemy’ culture. Why can’t two girls be healthy best friends without the assumption that there is something sexual between them? People are hating on Bughead also for a fact that they are a heterosexual couple. As I see it, love is love in any shape or form.

Also, I do agree that all sorts of representation must have a place in popular culture and thankfully it is happening. However, those who are unhappy with Bughead saying that it erases Jughead’s asexuality, I disagree. Are you saying that Asexual people can’t fall in love? That they don’t deserve an intimate bond with another?

Now, in the larger Archie comicverse, Jughead was never portrayed as being an asexual, he simply was smarter and wiser and had other priorities compared to his hormone crazed pals. He was always the voice of reason. I’m sure that there are people like that, not everyone who doesn’t choose to be a crazy, horned dog is asexual. Besides, Jughead is shown to be asexual in only one version of the comics. There can be multiple variations of characteristics in the larger universe. Riverdale chooses its own narrative and characters as it sees fit for the context of the show. Therefore, in this version, Jughead isn’t asexual or aromantic. There is no erasure of any kind. Even if he were asexual, I’m sure that Bughead still can have a loving and healthy relationship.

It is my personal opinion and I am not trying to belittle anyone or trivialising the serious issue of representation in anyway. However, I do feel that in today’s world where there is so much hate and strife, showing love and companionship in its true and purest form is the most important issue here, first and foremost. It doesn’t really matter whatever is the sexuality or orientation of the characters in question. So, let us all keep our differences aside and show our love and support to something is for the greater good. Love is universal and not restricted to a specific type or form. Besides, it is fiction,let’s remember that. 

I also think that we must avoid pressuring or attacking the creative team, actors and show runners into bullying them to change their vision for the show. That truly doesn’t serve any purpose other than being detrimental to the quality of the show and making the team de-motivated. Let’s all appreciate the hard work and love everyone has put in to present to us something that is so beloved and cherished by all.

Why is showing a healthy, supportive, wholesome and stable relationship necessary? I can tell you why, because I have suffered greatly in an unsupportive, toxic and abusive relationship that was all about selfishness and greed with no regard or love for the feelings of the other person. Where one person only gave and gave and the other only took everything. I was left drained and battered and I’m still bearing the burden of its ruins.

So, when Bughead came along, it was catharsis and relief. It was about having the hope of bright sunshine in the pitch black darkness. It was about selflessness and having high standards and working for the greater good, something that is bigger than us. It was about women not wallowing and pining after some boy who had little value or regard for them and not allowing a man decide the course of their lives .It was about unconditional love and support without labels. It was pure beauty and art, like a perfect symphony.

Bughead isn’t merely escapism. It is the light of goodness that illuminates our hearts and fills us with compassion and hope for something beautiful. It is the delicate flower that grows in the parched desert of hopelessness and deceit.

Let us protect it all costs.

anghraine  asked:

Top five things about Luke Skywalker :D

Okay friend, well I hope you are prepared for an explosion of feelings here.

1. His character arc. I adore Luke at all stages of his character development (and tbh I really have no patience for people who talk about “whiny Luke”). I love him because he goes the whole journey - from this relatively inexperienced, but still profoundly earnest young man to someone who is wise and compassionate and absolutely himself. I love that his journey is hard-fought. He’s a fundamentally good person, yes, and that’s one of my fave things about him too, but he’s not this naturally all-forgiving incarnation of compassion. His compassion is burning and hard as the twin suns, and he works at it, makes a conscious decision to live that way, and has to keep re-making that decision, over and over and over again, often in the face of what everyone around him is telling him. And he makes that decision because he’s been through the depths, because he survived the annihilation of self that was Bespin for him, and he came back out from the underworld, carrying with him the knowledge of death and resurrection. He has one of the best executed mythical story arcs out there.

2. His earnestness. I mentioned that above, too, but I gotta mention it again. I really love characters who are just unapologetically decent, earnest people - people who care, people who dedicate themselves wholeheartedly to what they believe in, people who are idealistic and live their lives in that idealism, who are often wrongly assumed to be naive or foolish or unrealistic because they choose to believe in the goodness of humanity. Luke is all of those things, and often in spite of what quite a lot of people would consider evidence to the contrary, and I love him for it.

3. His goofiness. Characters who are all of the things listed above and also enormous dweebs are my greatest weakness of all. I said that the scene where they’re captured by Ewoks and Luke is just giggling behind his hand as Threepio insists he’s not allowed to impersonate a deity is one of my favorite Luke scenes ever. I was not exaggerating.

I don’t think Luke is much of a prankster, though he probably enjoys other people’s pranks. But I do think he’s probably (in)famous for his ridiculous puns. Han is constantly groaning about it. Leia is more likely to sigh fondly and say, “Well, that’s Luke.”

Things only get worse when he starts chatting more regularly with his father’s ghost. (Anakin’s jokes are awful. And I have a headcanon that ghost!Anakin, who is finally free for the first time in…ever, has really cut loose and is probably the kind of overly intense, overly dweeby person who’s just so awed by life and existence and everything that he’s caught in a state of constant wonder. And terrible jokes. But I digress.) Anyway, sometimes Luke passes on Anakin’s jokes, which always make Leia groan even more, and Han just stares incredulously every time, like, “Darth Vader told you that joke?! I refuse to believe that. It’s a fucking terrible joke.”

Then eventually Han and Leia have kids and Luke becomes the cheesy-but-awesome uncle, which is literally everything he ever wanted out of life.

Oops, I guess this became a headcanon entry. Oh well!

4. The way he interacts with Artoo and Threepio. Luke never seems to think of them as “just droids.” Even when he first meets them, he treats them like people with their own thoughts and experiences - thoughts and experiences that he is genuinely interested in learning about. His relationship with Artoo undergoes a character development arc all its own, just like his relationships with the biological characters, and I adore that. The way they talk to each other is just wonderful.

5. Luke is more Jedi than the Jedi. Or, to put it the way I’ve been saying it for years (and wow, it really is years now, what a horrifying thought!), he’s the only one who ever really gets it.

Say what you will about Anakin in AOTC, but I actually really like his definition of compassion there. And he claims it’s central to the Jedi way of life, but the cold hard truth is that we don’t see any prequel era Jedi ever actually living that way. Compassion is hard, so much harder than fighting, or even than controlling your own feelings. Compassion is knife-edged and burning like the sun, because true compassion makes you see - the other, and yourself.

In the first numbered point I talked about the journey into, and back out of, the underworld. In some ways I think Luke is the only one of the Jedi who actually makes the anabasis, the journey back from the depths. Everyone else gets stuck in that place of death. Anakin’s stuck-ness is most obvious, but Obi-Wan and Yoda, too, are trapped and largely powerless in their respective exiles. There’s no way forward for them. They can teach Luke, but all they can teach him is what they know, which is a binary, Dark and Light, good and evil absolutes, the fullest and final expression of which is Obi-Wan’s flat-out admission that they’ve trained Luke to kill his own father, because that’s the only choice.

None of the Old Republic Jedi ever could have done what Luke does, which is to throw away his sword and stop fighting. And I love that THAT is the moment when he says, “I am a Jedi” - that moment in which he is, in so many ways, acting least like the Jedi of old. There he is, a Jedi confronted with two Sith Lords, and his greatest action is to refuse to fight. Something that would have been literally unthinkable for any of the Jedi of the old Order. But not just “I am a Jedi,” no, he says, “I am a Jedi, like my father before me.” Everything about that statement is like a perfect antithesis of the old Jedi Order, from the words he says to the actions he takes along with them.

“This weapon is your life,” says Obi-Wan, and he makes it sound like a common Jedi aphorism. This weapon is your life, and Luke throws it away. Because Obi-Wan and Yoda and all the other Jedi were good, and they were wise, and they had millennia of tradition, and they were wrong.

So Luke throws away his lightsaber and rejects the binary understanding of reality, and that’s when Luke names himself, both a Jedi, and his father’s son.

And the thing is, he’s right. He is a Jedi. If compassion is central to a Jedi’s life, Luke Skywalker may very well be the only Jedi that has ever been.

Hey guys! I’ve gotten a lot of new followers lately, so I thought I’d do a little summary of what’s been going on my blog so far this year to update you all.

I’ve been unusually prolific, so I’ve got a lot of new Sterek fics up, including some old WIPs I updated this year.

So, without further ado, here’s the masterpost, as of early May 2017. Happy reading!! And let me know if you think a post like this for my older fics would be helpful as well.

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Existentialism, John Silver style

I think part of the reason why I can relate so strongly to Silver’s decision in the finale is that at the core of my convictions, I’ve always seen existentialism as fundamentally true.

The idea of being condemned to freedom (as a lack of superordinate morality and purpose), to an existence that does not have an inherent meaning but gains its meaning only through personal actions - an existence where the inidivdual and their choices are not good or evil but only true or not true to their own inner conviction - is reflected exceptionally well in Silver’s arc in Black Sails. It’s made explicit when Silver himself refuses to attach meaning to the events of his past in 4.09, where he outright denies the existence of a storyteller. Due to that lack (and rejection) of a “higher” purpose, Silver becomes one of two (arguably three) characters in Black Sails to choose his own fate through an act of personal sacrifice. 

I’ve seen a piece of meta very recently that basically said that Silver had no right to act the way he did because he was taking choices away from Madi (and the maroons). That way of thinking is deeply foreign to me, because existentialism is all about individual choices. The characters in Black Sails have always been strongest when they were taking responsibility for their own actions - when they were acting true to their own nature. 

If going along with Madi’s and Flint’ war went against the things Silver truly believed in, should he have done it only for her and Flint’s sake? That might have been more loyal on a surface level, but it would have required of him to act against his own convictions.

Besides, none of the main characters have ever worried all that much about taking choices away from anyone, not, at least, when it came to politics. Flint, Silver, Vane and Billy didn’t show any kind of hesitation to undermine the governor’s position by threatening and intimidating every pirate who had taken the pardon. And Madi was also willing to go to great lengths to make that war happen, even in opposition to Julius, who had valid reasons to oppose it. I think it’s only fair to add that Madi had also selfish reasons to want that war - as a young woman, stepping out of the shadow of her parents, trying to establish herself as a leader to her people, in opposition to the more protectionist rule of her mother. That war was her personal quest, her coming of age.

In any case, all throughout the series, the parties who wanted the war didn’t much care about other people’s opposition. And war is what they got until Jack, Max, and Silver pulled a page from their book and put a stop to it. 

Do we believe for a second that Madi would have left the war behind for Silver? Of course not, and we woulnd’t expect her to, because she was deeply convinced that the war was a righteous cause.

Then why do we expect Silver to go along with the war for her sake, even though he truly believed it was the wrong thing to do? THERE IS NO MORAL HIGH GROUND. Black Sails has shown us both the noble sheen of a war for freedom and the horrible price people have to pay for it. The whole tragedy of the ending is that we have two people who deeply love and respect each other, but whose belief systems don’t work the same way. 

The strongest existentialist struggles are always found where people claim their own freedom, where they make difficult choices not according to what other people believe, but to their own values. Where they take a stand

Of course, this existentialist freedom only exists where people are actually free to decide -, only then can it be acknowledged and claimed, and only in that moment, people actually are free. Free to be bound by nothing but their own conscience - free to fight an inner battle when the outer circumstances allow for that kind of luxury. Mrs Hudson is not free to make a choice based on her inner convistion because she’s bound by her love and responsibility for her children. Likewise, Vane, the character for whom freedom is the first and foremost priority, avoids every kind of attachment to material goods, any commitment that would bind him, knowing they are civilization’s greatest weapon. When Vane chooses his death, that’s an existentialist choice right from the textbook - while the decision to hang him is Eleanor’s, he chooses the terms and the meaning of his execution, and ultimately, he chooses to die because his death will be a catalyst for a revolution. That’s not the same as, say, someone committing suicide to escape neverending horrors. Choosing the lesser of two evils, forced by the circumstances, is not freedom. The truly existentialist choice is the one you make willingly, the one not dicatetd to you by others.

The interesting thing about Silver is that he has that feedom on a very basic level right in the beginning - as a drifter, committed to no one - but then he gives it up, or rather, loses it in a variety of ways. And when he decides to put an end to the war, that’s both reflective of who he truly is - a pragmatist, a survivor, a man who does not understand the idealism that drives Flint and Madi - and what he truly believes. That’s what makes his decision so important. He’s not a hero, he’s not a villain, but maybe for the first time, he is authentic. And his act is more tragic and, in a way, even heroic, because it requires him to betray the two people closest to him and condemn himself to a life that lacks all its glory. 

Comparing Siver’s situation with Max’ decision to prioritize her relationship with Anne over a position of power makes it obvious how much more difficult Silver’s decision is. Max makes a simple choice, one that requires a personal sacrifice - giving up power - but allows her to act in accordance with her truest believes. What she doesn’t do is betray her loved ones on a personal level, quite the opppsite; it’s her way to make up for an earlier betrayal. There is quite an allure in self-sacrifice, if it means you can go on knowing you have the moral high ground. Max does it, and the narrative rewards her for it, telling the audience, quite clearly: “You chose love over power, and it was the right choice.” The narrative favors Max to an almost incredible degree. Max gets to be governor. Max also gets Anne’s forgiveness.

But it’s not Max’ personal sacrifice that makes it happen, it’s Silver’s.

Silver, by acting in accordance with his truest believes, gives up everything he’s won. He doesn’t get the fame. He doesn’t get the captaincy. He doesn’t get the treasure. He has irreparably damaged every meaningful relationship he has ever had, and what is his gain?

I can’t emphasize this enough: it would have been a lot easier for Silver to go along with what Madi and Flint wanted. If Silver had only been interested in his own, short-lived gain and gratification, if he hadn’t felt active disgust at the person he was becoming - the person who killed and tortured and betrayed his friends and orchestrated the death of people under his protection for the greater cause - then he would not have acted against them. What he did was not the action of a person who chose the path of least resistance. It was the action of a man who found the strength and conviction to make a choice. It was the action of a man who no longer wanted to do bad things in the name of a good cause. 

Did he have the right to make that choice? That’s a moot question, because under these existentialist terms, having the power means having that right. Silver was in a position to end the war, and that’s what he did.

What Silver is, in that moment, is the master of his fate, and there’s really no bigger accomplishment in terms of existentialism. 

Robert Louis Stevenson based his character of Long John Silver on William Ernest Henley, who is most famous for his poem “Invictus”, which may be the epitome of the kind of freedom at the core of existentialism : 

It matters not how strait the gate

how charged with punishments the scroll

I am the master of my fate

I am the captain of my soul.

That’s what Silver is doing, in this final episode. Instead of letting others decide for him - instead of blindly following Madi and Flint into a war which, in Silver’s understanding, is the horror - he uses all the means at his disposal to help Max and Jack to put a stop to it, and he does it without further bloodshed. It is only Silver who is in a position to achieve this ending. It is only Silver, with his cunning and his inventiveness, who can be Flint’s end without killing him. 

I have no understanding for people who are trying so very hard to deny the difficulty of Silver’s choice, and what it cost him, and what it means for him in terms of character development, who are completely willing to throw him under the bus and deny that his feelings and respect for Madi were ever real, or that his decision to send Flint to Savannah instead of killing him was not an act of love and mercy on his part. 

Palpatine and Padme: The Relationship

said in response to this post: I honestly forget sometimes that Padme Ambidala was a BIG DEAL in the Senate until I watch TWC and see how often she’s in Palpatine’s office when important business is going down. I honestly wonder how much of her mentoring he’s responsible for, and if he is, how much irony there is in her ability to thwart him at times because she (without realizing it) knows how he thinks.

This is a significantly late reply for which I apologise, I’ve not been able to post much Star Wars lately, but I do have a lot of thoughts on this subject.

We know that Padme’s family lived on Courscant for awhile when her father was working with the Refugee Relief Movement. This is how she met “Uncle Ono” who was a huge supporter. During this time period, Palpatine was also working in the Senate as Naboo’s representative. I’m quite confident that he was an ally of Ruwee Naberrie and the Refugee Relief Movement. It would have suited his agenda just right: The kind, benevolent Senator who supports his beloved homeplanets’ charitable efforts. As a consequence, Palpatine would have been around the Naberries a lot and Padme would have known him from the ages of around 3-6, I’d say. So, from a young age, she’s been raised to think that this man is a good man. He’s a friend and ally of her family and House Naberrie.

This influence on Padme’s life probably didn’t end when her family left Coruscant either.  I’m sure while he was Senator, before she was Queen, he visited with the Naberries sometimes while visiting Naboo and the King. During this time period, he influences Padme’s career. He talks with her and he nurtures her. That way, if she goes far in politics, which it looks like she might, he’ll either have a staunch supporter for the Empire, or a girl he can manipulate. Given her idealism, it quickly becomes the latter, but that’s not an issue, so Palpatine, uses his influence on her parents to encourage her to run for Queen. After all, he knows this girl and her idealistic heart; she’ll be easy to manipulate for sure. (Famous last thoughts….) He’s frustrated by TPM, of course, and vows revenge.

When she returns to Coruscant, now a Senator herself, we see this paternal interest from Palpatine continue and take a more sinister edge. He calls her “my child,” reminiscent of how he talks to Anakin with “my dear boy.” He tells her that “losing [her] would be unbearable.” He dotes on her and talks to her about top secret business in the Senate. He makes sure to continue to act as a benevolent support and guide to her.  He puts her on the Loyalist committee. This way he can feed her information that he might not give other people and try to use her to his advantage. She can influence people he can’t. Thus, he keeps her close. This is also why it is only until Revenge of the Sith that Padme even begins to consider that Palpatine might be behind it all: “Palpatine served as my Senator when I was Queen!” You can tell in the deleted scenes that she’s shocked and horrified to even be thinking it. She feels like the legs have been kicked out from under her. Like Anakin, she trusted Palpatine implicitly. After all, she’s known him all her life. He was a family friend and a personal mentor. You don’t let go of childhood trust so easily.

The unexpected benefit of this though is that it cuts both ways. Padme received political advice and training from Palpatine and, as a result, she has an idea of his influence and how he thinks. In the context of the Clone Wars, this means that she can use skills that he’s taught her to thwart him, unknowingly, at times. Her greater influence that he helped to give her can be disadvantageous. However, because she trusts him, he regrettably, does still have the upper hand as she divulges information to him that she shouldn’t. Nevertheless, this changes in Revenge of the Sith when she tells Bail that he shouldn’t vote against the Empire because it’s too late. They’ll have to work underground and be careful to keep their heads down until they can strike. Bail is a formidable politician himself, but he doesn’t understand this until Padme points it out. She just knows Palpatine so much better. Now that she knows what he is, this is an asset. Mon Motha doesn’t quite appreciate this. Initially, she questions Bail’s desire to follow Padme’s advice because “Padme trusted Palpatine almost to the very end.” Sure, she was brilliant, but wasn’t she also naive? Bail realizes though, that while, yes, Padme did trust Palpatine too much, she also knew his ways better then any one else; she’d known him from childhood.

This makes Return of the Jedi all the more satisfying too. Palpatine thought he could manipulate and control Padme and Anakin. He thought he could nurture them from a young age and own them utterly. He couldn’t though. In the end, the child of the two victimized children he shaped was the catapult of his destruction.

I was tagged by: @travelerofuniverses and @avenger-hawk

Thanks lovelies!

Rules: name your top 10 Naruto ships, then tag 10 others you’re curious about.


I pretty much like any pairing involving Sasuke. I do have a definite preference for Sasuke to be the pursued one because..well, that’s generally what happens in canon, so that feels the most in-character to me.

1. NaruSasu: This is far and away my OTP for the series. All you have to do is read the manga to understand why these two work together. The love and obsession are beyond intense, the angst pierces straight to the heart, and the chemistry is unreal. For pete’s sake, their bond is so powerful that it literally saved the world and stopped a cycle of violence spanning hundreds of years. They are canon soul mates. They are the perfectly matched ying-yang. The UST is off the charts. The entire series revolves around their relationship. I could go on and on.

2. ItaSasu/SasuIta: So wrong and yet so fun. I like this in all kinds of ways- dark, sweet, sad, cracky, something-made-them-do-it, UST, one-sided, whatever. I’ll take it. They, too, are obsessed with each other- in both good ways and bad. Love, hate, undying devotion; it’s all there. They’re so passionate and fucked-up about each other that things moving in a sexual direction doesn’t seem that far-fetched. While I tend to prefer ItaSasu, in the sense that Itachi is the one mostly in control, I do sometimes like the more fiery Sasuke making the first move. This is one of the few pairings where Sasuke doing that actually makes sense to me in terms of his character and their relationship.

3. JuuSasu: This might actually be the healthiest choice for Sasuke. Juugo is absolutely loyal, kind, calm and steady, restful, and seems to just get Sasuke in a way the other characters don’t. Sasuke is comfortable around him, which is saying a lot. Juugo is a similarly quiet, introverted person who makes few demands of Sasuke. Of course, this is all true of Juugo when he’s not transformed, but Sasuke has a knack for bringing him down, and Juugo still listens to Sasuke even when Juugo’s pretty crazed. He is so accepting that I can see Sasuke feeling safe enough to let his guard down and actually risk something like sex and attachment. The pairing is hot (the size difference, the danger, etc.) and kind of adorable. I wish that there was more fic and art for it.

4. BoruSasu: I know a lot of fans of this pairing are pretty ashamed of it, but I  don’t really feel that way. Boruto clearly has some idol worship going on with Sasuke in canon, and I absolutely love the idea of him having a massive crush on Sasuke as he gets older. The thought of Sasuke either being oblivious or awkward as hell about it is just so much fun. Talk about being put in a bad position. And yeah, adult!Boruto wanting Sasuke more seriously has my angst bells ringing (especially if he feels jealous of his father’s relationship with Sasuke), and strikes me as potentially quite hot. I won’t lie- younger man/reluctant older man is something I’ve always liked. Sasuke would have to be very reluctant to be in-character and Naruto would certainly freak, so some pretty interesting plot twists would be needed for anything to develop beyond one-sided longing- but if it’s well-written, I’ll bite. I suppose it’s kind of odd that KakaSasu, KakaNaru and KakaSaku rub me the wrong way but I like BoruSasu, but I think the difference is that Kakashi is really the only father figure we see for those two in canon (ignoring brief appearances by Sakura’s father in non-canon stuff), whereas Boruto’s father is very present and Boruto’s relationship with Sasuke is clearly cast as just a mentor figure, and a fairly distant one at that. He’s not the leader of Boruto’s team, basically raising him. He’s the super-cool guy who strode into town, agreed to share some of his kick-ass techniques, acknowledged Boruto and helped save the day. Konohamaru/Boruto would bother me, but BoruSasu doesn’t. (not that I’m trying to bash fans of any of the pairings I mentioned)

KakaObi: I liked kid!Obito a lot and I thought adult!Obito had a lot of promise, and I was frankly disappointed by what the series chose to do with him. That being said, I think there is sufficient evidence to make the argument that Obito is the love of Kakashi’s life. He certainly had the most impact on Kakashi. Obito gets to Kakashi like nothing else; he inspires him, changes him, breaks him, drives him, moves him, warms his starved little heart and then rips it out. Kakashi is helplessly passionate about Obito. Obito tends to act more passionate about Rin, but it was Kakashi who prompted Obito’s sharingan, Kakashi he died for, Kakashi he gave his eye to. I think it’s also true that it was Kakashi’s perceived betrayal in killing Rin just as much as Rin’s death that wrecked Obito. Personally, I think that if there was any possible way for them to come together (Obito lives, Kakashi joins him in the afterlife, time travel, whatever floats your boat), Kakashi would pursue Obito like a hound from hell and Obito would be unable to resist. That’s the kind of dynamic I really adore for them.

KakaIru: Iruka is another of those characters I can enjoy with just about anyone (one fic even turned me on to GaiIru), but I probably like him with Kakashi most of all. Iruka is so warm, kind, honorable and humble, that he feels strikingly out-of-place in the brutal world of the ninja. Even Naruto has a much darker side than Iruka. Iruka is the exact opposite of most everything Kakashi’s experienced in his entire life. All the horror, death, betrayal, despair, cruelty, compromised principles, corruption, cynicism, ambition, etc.- none of it has a hold on Iruka. He has experienced some of it- he is not exactly naive- but his goodness and faith is untouched by it. I think that Kakashi could fall on that like a starving man, and Iruka would be able to give him the love and safety he needs to begin healing. Iruka is strong, selfless, wholesome, and as unshakable as a deep-rooted tree. Kakashi needs everything that he is, in his life. I love the stories best where Iruka is understood by most people, including himself, to be an extremely ordinary guy, but he is recognized as remarkable by the people who get to know him well. A chuunin children’s teacher being romanced by the deadly genius Kakashi of the Sharingan is an awesome way of portraying that.

HashiMada: These two break my heart. They had many differences, yet they struck up an unlikely and powerful friendship in a time of pain and war. Their love and trust in each other brought about peace between clans with a bloody, inter-generational history of atrocity. They initiated the ninja village system in their quest for universal peace. They cared about each other even when they became divided by their ideals, right up until the final blow. In the end, Hashirama chose to sacrifice Madara for the greater good. He made the opposite choice that Naruto made with Sasuke, and the reverberations of that choice played a huge role in the tragedy that nearly brought about the end of the world. A love affair between the two of them is very believable, and it would involve as much light as darkness. Irresistible.

MadaTobi: I was not expecting to get into this pairing at all, but I was convinced by a certain fic author (other MadaTobi fans will know of whom I speak). They certainly clash strongly in the series. Their disagreements also helped to cause a lot of awful shit in Konoha, which had ramifications for the ninja world as a whole. Tobirama is cold where Madara’s hot, calculating where Madara’s passionate, controlled where Madara’s wild. But they share a strong sense of responsibility, a pragmatic view, and a cynicism that is only tempered by Hashirama’s idealism. Madara also has a devotion to his family which Hashirama sometimes seems to…lack, which might appeal to Tobirama. Madara and Tobirama undeniably have chemistry, and exploring how that could become something more is fascinating. And would it have changed things for the better? I think the answer is yes, quite possibly.

HinaSasu/SasuHina: This is kind of my wtf pairing because they’ve been together, what, once on-screen? When they’re adults, I think? It seems unlikely that Sasuke even knows she exists apart from her eventual marriage with Naruto, and Hinata was always the one girl who had no interest in Sasuke whatsoever (actually that last bit is part of what appeals to me about the pairing). But bear with me here. Hinata has a subtle way of expressing compassion that reminds me of Sasuke’s understated kindness. Hinata’s non-threatening, quiet and peaceful temperament also makes me think of Juugo, and seems like it might disarm and soothe Sasuke for the same reasons. They’ve both had to deal with carrying the expectations of a powerful bloodline, being a disappointment to their families, and struggling due to a stronger relative. Both of them are a little “strange.” They don’t quite fit in with their classmates, and many of the things their peers value aren’t important to them. We see Sasuke being very uncomfortable with the aggressive advances of most of the women he knows. Hinata, on the other hand, has a reserve, modesty and respectful attitude that sets her apart. I can’t imagine either of them deliberately seeking each other out with romantic purposes, but I can see them developing an unexpected romantic bond due to circumstances that push them together. Also, I’ve seen a few Hinata/fem!Sasuke fics/art that were really great, so. There’s that.

SakuSasu (gender reversed): I am not a fan of SS generally. It’s just not my cup of tea.  I’ll occasionally look at art or fic of them if it showcases an interesting side of Sasuke, but that’s it. But weirdly enough, flip it around so Sakura’s the guy and Sasuke’s the girl and I am so down for that shit. It just changes their whole dynamic so much! Male Sakura, bratty, shallow and romantic, maturing through experience and trying his hardest to make himself the sort of person who could keep up with and win the heart of the cool, beautiful, fierce and much stronger female Sasuke makes for a very interesting courtship. The expectations and balance of power shift so much that it really grabs me. I haven’t actually seen any fic for this of the always-this-gender variety (tell me if you have!), but I have seen some art which sizzles off the page. Okay, I may admittedly have a huge thing for fem!Sasuke in general, but seriously, I do like the idea of her with male Sakura.

Tagging: @ywhiterain @someone-who-is-there @sasuke-prevails @reblog-blog-of-reblogs @tozettewrites @thecurseofhatred @blackkatmagic @surfacage @fangirlandiknowit101 @uchihanochidori

“I’m not that great either”

Originally posted by amaniwy

“a scenario where y/n likes jackson v much but shes not like? athletic? shes not his ideal type is and she’s just very insecure to tell him about it?” requested by @whygz

Everyone knows who Jackson Wang is - the popular athletic boy in campus. He’s in the school’s fencing team and has competed in many tournaments, both inter schools and national competitions. The boy has achieved many gold awards and is well-known in the sports industry. Not only does he have an athletic background, he also is very good looking. In addition, he has a raspy voice that is beyond attractive. Girls fall for him and guys want to be like him.

You aren’t excluded from falling under his charm spell. Jackson has always been your ideal type of man, possessing both talent and looks - you just couldn’t find any fault in this boy. Rumour has it that he likes girls who are athletic and glows in a healthy way overall. You sigh knowing that you had no chance in getting near jackson, much less have a relationship with him. You are nowhere near his ideal type. You aren’t athletic; as a matter of fact, you don’t fancy the idea of sweating and running about. Your life revolves around going to school, staying at home, and hanging out with some friends occasionally. And not forgetting going to jackson’s matches to cheer him on. You’re contented with being able to see him from afar, and you have never harboured the thought of him noticing you, much less like you back.

You had met him in campus during school hours and much to your surprise, each time you made eye contact with him, he’d send you a warm smile in which you’d return a quick one because you couldn’t look at him in the eye. You were insecure in front of jackson. You were afraid that if he took a longer look at you, he might see through your flaws and that’s the last thing you want. To jackson, you were unapproachable and rather cold, because every time he looked your way and wanted to initiate a conversation, the flustered you would put up a front and walk away without giving him a second glance. Jackson had noticed you during his matches and other supporters came in groups, but you were alone, and you stood out the most. Having a lot of friends had it’s advantage. Jackson asked around about you and found our your name and course you were taking. He had wanted to befriend you but each time he wanted to, you would avoid the contact. The boy couldn’t understand you. He had noticed you cheering quietly for him during his matches, and he knows you were there for him because when it wasn’t his match, you wouldn’t be there. He thought you’d want to be friends, but all you ever did was give him a cold shoulder.

You’ve decided to head to the campus gym one day to check out how it was like in there. Maybe it was time to open up another path and try new things; step out of your comfort zone, and who knows, exercising might be your thing. And hopefully, you could become jackson’s ideal type someday. Trying new things was just a facade, the main reason for doing so is because you want to try to change yourself so jackson might like you.

You walked into the gym feeling distant and the aura was foreign to you. You looked around and saw many other students working out. Some of them were in groups, and others came individually. You started with what seemed the easiest to you - treadmill. You tried figuring out the buttons to press in order for the equipment to work, and it took you a few minutes before succeeding. You hadn’t started yet there was already sweat on your forehead - probably from freaking out too much. You were in there for some time when someone opened the door and caused you to trip on the treadmill.

It was jackson.

A lot of thoughts were going through your mind and you tried hiding yourself but to no avail; jackson saw you, and he was surprised. His eyes lit up at the sight of you. He was definitely not expecting you to appear in the gym. You pretended not to see him and tried switching off the treadmill in a hurry. You had to leave and not let jackson see you in this state. The end of his lips curled up into a smile as he watched how you were rushing. “What an interesting person, cute,” jackson thought to himself as he watched you head to the changing room. It was his chance to talk to you and since the gym was an enclose area, you were unlikely to run away again. You rushed to the changing room to wash up and made sure you looked presentable, just in case you see jackson on the way out - which you were likely to do so. You looked into the mirror and took three deep breaths before heading out.

“Hey,” a voice startled you as you walked out.

Your eyes widened at jackson who was lurking outside and you stood speechless.

“Are you okay?” the boy asked, waving his hand in front of your face.

“Y-yeah, I’m… alright,” you stuttered nervously, “actually I have to rush, see you around,” you continued without waiting for jackson to say anything.

“Wait!” he grabbed your arm to stop you.

You were taken aback by his sudden physical contact and you turned back and looked at his arm which was on yours.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to do that,” jackson removed his hand immediately. You shook your head and gave a light smile. You stood there and waited for jackson to say something.

“Um, you’re y/n right?” he asked.

“How do you know my name?” you asked in shock.

“I couldn’t help but notice you in all my matches,” jackson let out a small chuckle, “so I asked around about you,”

Your heart fluttered at jackson’s words. You couldn’t believe he actually noticed you, and even took the trouble to ask people about you. Your mind was filled with all kinds of possibilities. Maybe he likes me? But that thought soon vanished when you suddenly remembered his ideal type. “If you think it’s fun to mess around then you’re looking at the wrong person,” you sounded rude to mask your anxiety, and also because you thought he was just playing around. After all, he was out of your league.

“I’m not messing around?” I just want to know you,”

“Why would you want to do that? I’m just an ordinary girl, I’m not even close to your ideal girls,” you shrugged.

“My ideal girls?” jackson asked in confusion. He had never mentioned anything about his ideal type. In fact, he doesn’t even have one.

“Yes? Those tall and slim girls who are athletic as well? Basically those in your league. I’m none of them, so” you threw both hands in the air and gave jackson a look.

“Who even said that they’re my ideal type? As far as I recall, I did not say that,”

“Okay whatever, it isn’t my business anyway, I really need to go,”

“Why’re you so upset?” jackson asked and you failed to escape again.

“Because I like you?” you blurted out and regretted the second after. “Oh my god,” your eyes were set on the ground as you cursed under your breath. You just exposed yourself and you wanted to run away so badly. Jackson broke into a wide smile. "Okay listen; firstly, I don’t have any ideal type, so me liking those athletic or ‘in my league’ girls isn’t valid. Secondly, I’ve noticed you for a long time and it’s heartwarming to see you always there for me. Thirdly, stop implying that I’m out of your league because I am not? I’m just an ordinary boy who’s into sports, that’s all. I’m not that great, you know? I’m a human and I have flaws too. Lastly, and I bet you don’t know about this, but I think you’re cute and I like you, for real. I’m not messing around, I promise,”

“Take a proper look at me, jackson. I’m not even near any standard. As a matter of fact, I hate exercising. I’m the total opposite of you,”

“Then why are you here at a gym?”

You paused for a moment, not sure if you should tell jackson the truth, but you did anyway. “Because I wanted to try something new for a change… and I thought you like athletic girls so…”

“So you want to change yourself in order to fit me?”

You nodded your head in shame. You felt so messed up, trying to change into someone you’re not for a guy whom you had no chance with. Jackson felt a little upset that you were trying to change yourself for him. “I don’t want anyone to change themselves for me. I like you just like that, when you just be yourself and do your own thing; when you sit quietly on the benches and watch me fence in competitions… just y/n being y/n. Don’t gym if you don’t like, don’t exercise if you hate it, you don’t have to change for me; ever.”

You hung your head low and bit your lower lip, processing what jackson said. “I’m sorry, jackson,”

“No, I am sorry for making you feel so insecure, and making you feel that you’re not good enough. I should’ve came up to you earlier and tell you how I feel towards you,” jackson stopped and licked his lips, a habit he has whenever he’s nervous, which you find really adorable.

“Let me make it up to you by bringing you out on a date?”

anonymous asked:

Soooo Tumblr tagged your new post as "Content for Adults Only" and I can't see it 😢😢 srsly tumblr is pissing me off rn

Anon said: I don’t understand how your most recent post about Denki is blocked by safety mode????? Like it’s just your art of his birthday! I love the art of it tho, it’s fantastic! Keep up the amazing work.

Anon said: *whispers* the thing you just posted contains sensetive media apperantly

Yeah it’s most probably Mineta isn’t it

(jk it was probs my inclination to swear my way through life’s fault, I asked for a review so it should be visible in a bit but for now you can see it here !!)

Keep reading


Let’s talk for a second about this magnificent couple because, for the love of god, the way how Carter Bays and Craig Thomas treated Swarkles and their shippers is insulting. I mean… they basically fooled the world making us believe they were endgame. And now we have to believe that was all a joke? Hell no.

01x06. Slutty Pumpkin’ - This is what Ted told Robin “ one day you’re gonna meet a guy who’s gonna make you want to look like a complete idiot”.


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01X14. Zip, Zip, Zip - I dare anyone to watch this episode and not thinking “ wow, they’re awesome together ”. This episode is the Swarkles manifesto. It’s everything that makes them them.

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Can you imagine Robin smoking cigars and play laser tag with Ted? Oh, wait, she’s not that person anymore. She’s a needy stepmother now. 

02x16. Stuff - So, Robin had to getting rid off their dogs because Ted saw in them her ex-boyfriends. What a mature behiavor, right? But he stole a smurf penis for her, so.. everything is legit and now I wonder if he’s gonna do the same in 2030, since she has her dogs again. The point is, who went with her to take the dogs to her aunt’s farm? Ted? No. Barney. ( rewatch the 08x05 episode). Barney who surprised her with PUPPIES when they got back together.

02x18. Moving Day - Are we really going to assume that Ted and Robin are meant to be when they weren’t even capable of living together? Are we really going to believe that? Yeah, of course. 

04x14. The Possimpible - Barney finished her video-resume and got her a job. She didn’t get deported in Canada thanks to him.

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But yeah, Barney has never done loving things for her…

04x20. Mosbius Designs - This is what Marshall told Barney about him and Robin: “ actually we both think (he and Lily) that you’re kinda perfect for each other ”.

This is what Robin said at the end of the episode:  “I used to describe my ideal guy as funny, smart, passionate, challenging.“ 

And now tell me that is not the description of Barney.

05x17. Of Course - Robin didn’t want to date anyone after her break-up with Barney. Which says a lot, because we all remember how, after her break-up with Ted, she got together with Gail? Kyle? Oh, right, GAEL. And how she accepted to date Don only when Barney told her ” you’re not just another number to me “ (how funny, tho, he has a daughter and her mom is, in fact, a number) and promised her that he wouldn’t have slept with Anita. In fact, the Superdate he organized, became a gift for Robin and Don.

But yeah, Barney has never done loving things for her. The return.

05x24. Doppelgangers - Robin got an important job offer in Chicago while she was dating Don. Love vs Career all over again. But what did she choose? She chose love. SHE FREAKING CHOSE LOVE. She chose a man who she was dating from less then a year. And now we are gonna believe that she didn’t fight and didn’t try to save her MARRIAGE? ARE YOU SERIOUS?

06x01. Big Days - Robin was still mourning over her break-up with Don and she, well.. she was a complete mess. And Barney teased her, saying that she used to be hot but not anymore. And Robin, hit in her pride, sundressed up. 

So we can easily say Barney helped her to move on. BUT HE HAS NEVER DONE LOVING THINGS FOR HER.

06x04. Subway Wars - Robin was depressed and sad because her life is a complete disaster. She wanted to win the race and guess what? Barney let her win.

Of course, now you know I have to say that HE HAS NEVER DONE LOVING THINGS FOR HER.

06x06. Baby Talk - Ted accused Robin of being an independent woman. He wanted a woman who NEEDED him. And Robin wasn’t exactly that. His words hurt her and when she got at Barney’s, he told her the opposite:

” you’re the least needy woman I’ve ever met. That’s awesome.  mean, no guy’s gonna say, “Who’s your daddy?” to Robin Scherbatsky.  You’re your own daddy. And mommy.  And weird survivalist uncle who lives in a cabin with a shotgun blaming stuff on the government. And that is what makes you the most amazing, strong and independent woman I’ve ever banged “.

And with who she did end up with? With the man who wanted her to be something she never was.

06x08. Natural History - Like Zip, Zip, Zip, this is a simply, amazing proof of how much these two have fun together and how much PERFECT they are as couple.

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06x21. Hopeless - Barney: ” Robin, you’re dating Ted “.

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Yeah, she’s so in love with him. And Barney’s answer to that? " My dad will be all, why don’t you marry Robin? You guys were cute together. Deep down you know you were never happier than when you were with her ”.

06x24. Challenge Accepted - Robin’s face when she realized that he was losing Barney because of Nora.

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Or maybe she was thinking “ damn, I want my blue french horn back ”.

07x01. The Best Man - This need explanations?

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Lily : “ you and Barney have the kind of chemistry that… just doesn’t go away ”. A great concept that got destroyed in 40 minutes during the Finale when they acted like two strangers. Oh yeah.

Robin: “ I know we didn’t work out the first time and I know it doesn’t make any sense but I can’t shake the feeling that we belong together”. Apparently she shook that feeling as soon as she divorced.

07x09. Disaster Averted - I can’t type anything meaningful because now I just wanna cry.


07x11. Tick, Tick, Tick - Barney saw Robin while this speech:

“When you meet the right person, you know it. You can’t stop thinking about them. They are your best friend, and your soulmate. You can’t wait to spend the rest of your life with them. No one and nothing else can compare”.

No one, except for the Wi-Fi.

07x12. Symphony Of Illumination - Robin didn’t want to have kids. Robin didn’t need to have kids to be happy. And the only time she imagined a future involving children… it was a future with Barney. (Look at these beautiful pieces of applepie).

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And of course, how did she end up? Raising another man’s kids. Okay.

07x17. No Pressure - They freaking gave the chance to T/R to get back together. AND THEY DIDN’T. And you know why?

So this is not gonna happen, is it? ”

“ Sorry ”.

“ It’s because of Barney ”.

BUT HEY, in 2030 it is gonna happen because… um… well… oh yes, they’re both alone and miserable. Perfect love story.

08x01. Farhampton - Barney kept all the stuff that reminded him of his relationship with Robin, who cried when she opened that box.

Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz, REMEMBER? Yes? Well, it was just bullshit. Have a good day.

08x06. Splitsville - So now it’s normal that a person who said this:

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suddenly was okay with losing the love of his life and getting back to chase women. Goodbye, character development. Goodbye, coherence.

08x12. The Final Page part 2 - Robin went to damn roof. ROBIN WENT THERE BECAUSE SHE WANTED TO BE WITH BARNEY. He proposed and she said YES. Remember when Kevin proposed? She doubted. Remember when she thought Ted was proposing? She said “ nononononononononononono, Ted you can’t do this to me, no no !”.


08x13. Band or Dj - For the first time, Robin’s dad apologized to her. And that thanks to Barney.

“ Barney made it happen. He must really love me ”.


08x14. Ring Up - The true power of the ring, when that special person to you looks brighter than anyone else. 

“ Robin realized the true power of the ring ”

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08x19. The Fortress - Funny quote from Robin: “ Relationships are about trust and compromise ”. Yet she forgot what compromise is, because with a right compromise, her marriage would have worked.

But hey, Barney in this episode was willing in giving in his apartment to find a new one with Robin. AND HE DIDN’T WANT TO BE ALONE AGAIN. Ha! Irony. But Robin refused it, because “ if I ask you to change too many things about yourself, you’re not gonna be the man I fell in love with ”.

09x01. The Locket - Barney: “ our wedding is gonna be legendary ”. Robin: “ no wait for it? " Barney: ” I’ve got you. I don’t have to wait for it anymore “.

09x02. Coming Back - Barney: ” I don’t need them to make me believe in true love. I’ve got you for that, now “ .


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09x08. The Lighthouse - ” Mom, I’m not marrying some future possibility of starting a family. I’m marrying a girl - who means more to me than kids. OR MY CAREER “.

But who apparently means less than WI-FI, right Carter and Craig? And guess what, he redeemed himself ‘cause of a kid. The only thing Robin couldn’t give him. Ha ha. Let’s all laugh. 

09x09. Platonish - Tracy: ” Do you wanna keep playing or do you wanna win? “ Barney : ” I wanna win “.


09x12. The Rehearsal Dinner - This was my favourite episode ever. Robin wanted to get married in Canada but it wasn’t possible. So Barney organized that BEAUTIFUL, TOUCHING surprise canadian rehearsal dinner. 

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Excuse me while I’m in the verge of tears.

Okay, I’m fine. (No I’m not).

09x15. Unpause - " I love Robin more than I’ve ever loved anyone, and I’m going to do everything I can to make her happy. For a long time, deep down, I felt sort of.. broken? But I don’t feel that way, anymore. Robin has made me 100% awesome ”. 


Oh, friendly reminder he’s now broken again. You’re welcome.

09x22. The End Of The Aisle - They got married. Carter and Craig planned a T/R endgame from the beginning and still they made Swarkles get married. And we all believed in their love. BECAUSE THEIR FACES. THEY LOVED EACH OTHER. TELL ME WHEN ROBIN LOOKED AT TED IN THE SAME WAY SHE LOOKED AT BARNEY.

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So, now, Carter and Craig, we should forget all of this? We should forget all this fairytale and accept that they wouldn’t have worked together? That Robin never loved Barney as much as she loved Ted? That only a child would have made Barney change? NEVER. THIS was the real couple the show.  Two people who had a difficult childhood, two people who grew up and fell in love and change for the better. Two people who supported, loved each other for who they really were. THIS IS WHAT IS TRUE TO LIFE. Not a widower who kept chasing after his ex-girlfriend holding a stupid french horn since ever. Not a woman who was always proud of her independence and her dreams who suddenly found herself alone and desperate. Not a man who couldn’t change for the woman he always loved. 

guardiankraglin  asked:

Do you think "my wife, I miss my wife" refers to Sansa? I go back and forth on it, but I tend to believe it does.

I’m not sure when this ask was sent to me but I am looking at my inbox now and just noticed it. I talked a little about this recently. I think it’s deliberately ambiguous in order to give us a sense of Tyrion’s state of mind at this point. All the things he wants are out of reach for him, all the things he misses are things that are either gone or impossibly out of reach, and even with Sansa it was like he didn’t really know what he wanted. He didn’t want to hurt Sansa but there was a part of him for whom Sansa represented an ideal. Sansa and Tysha are both representative of an ideal that is denied to Tyrion because of his disability.

So I think it’s ambiguous although I do think GRRM put it there for a reason. I actually recently read a great article on the technique of psychic distance in writing and how GRRM uses it. Psychic distance refers to how close the reader is to the characters of the story. The article points out that GRRM doesn’t always use it consistently and the italics used to indicate a character’s thoughts, which GRRM uses a lot, are actually unnecessary when psychic distance is very close, as it usually is in Martin’s books. This leads me to believe that GRRM may have used it deliberately in this instance.

GRRM uses a very close psychic distance with Tyrion, which is one of the things that makes Tyrion so interesting. Other characters that have the closest psychic distance are Sansa, Arya, and Cersei. This means that almost everything in Tyrion’s chapters are infused with his personality, not just his thoughts and the things he says but observations that aren’t in italics: “He drank his way across the Narrow Sea.” This is a line that’s not italicized or spoken aloud but it’s infused with Tyrion’s voice. It’s a very Tyrion sentence.

If we just look at GRRM’s use of italics, he uses it in two different ways. One is the third person, which looks like this:

A palanquin fit for a man of my stature, he thought.

Here only part of the sentence is italicized, and “he thought” is added on like a dialogue tag. This a little bit more distant than the other thing GRRM does, which is italicized thoughts in first person without a dialogue tag, like this:

I must be sick, or dead. 

Which is a really nice effect because since we are so psychically close to Tyrion here, he very well could be dead and everything that’s happening outside of him doesn’t really matter. It gives us a feeling of really being inside Tyrion’s head. In the first example it kind of seems as though Tyrion is telling the reader a joke. In the second one we’re trapped in Tyrion’s depressed headspace and can feel his own isolation.

So, knowing that, let’s look at the quote you asked about, from the end of ADWD:

Jaime, thought Tyrion. Shae. Tysha. My wife, I miss my wife, the wife I hardly knew.

The first part is psychically more distant than the second one. Now, why use a shift in psychic distance if you’re just going to say the same thing twice? In the first part Tyrion has already said he misses Tysha. So the next sentence must be giving us new information.

Do I necessarily think that means he is talking about Sansa? No. I certainly don’t think it means he’s in love with Sansa. What I think it means is that it’s meant to be deliberately ambiguous, meant to remind the reader not only of the parallel between Tysha and Sansa but the parallel between all of Tyrion’s relationships which have been destroyed in some way or another. It’s meant to underscore how isolated Tyrion is from society. He didn’t know Sansa, he certainly didn’t know Shae, he only knew Tysha for fourteen days and it’s the closest relationship he ever had with a woman, and even Jaime he didn’t really know in the end because Jaime kept that horrible secret from him for years. So yes I think it’s supposed to refer to Sansa in a way and meant to underline Tyrion’s loneliness and desire for a human intimacy that is routinely denied to him as a disabled person.

So that might not have been the answer you’re looking for because it’s not really shippy or romantic, but that’s how I interpret that line.

Beauty and the Beast (2017) Review

I realize that I’m pretty late to the party with this, but I recently watched the live action adaptation of Beauty and the Beast and decided to write down some of my thoughts on it. I’ll mainly be focusing on what some of the changes were that the new version made and how I thought that they actually improve upon the original in some ways. So if you’re looking for someone to uphold the original film in the highest regard and shit on the newest, bastardized version of it—you won’t find that here, and please don’t keep reading unless you actually want to engage another point of view.

Also, no spoiler warning because, I mean, I just assume you’ve already seen the original Beauty and the Beast and it has basically the same plot as the new one. And if you haven’t seen the original Beauty and the Beast, this is the part where you stop reading this and go watch it.

Alright, then. On with the review.

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A Comparative Commentary on Love O2O
微微一笑很倾城: the Canon, Drama, and Movie

I may not be your biggest fan of the franchise, but I’ve been wanting to finish off this overdue commentary which have been sitting in the drafts for months… This is a comparative commentary of the two live action adaptations, with knowledge of the novel as a basis. (I have read the book first, watched the drama, then the movie.)

Disclaimer: This commentary is fundamentally still coming from my own perspective and opinions. Differing opinions are welcomed but be nice!


The drama and movie have different focuses, each with their own strengths and flaws.

The drama worked better as a live action/lighthearted romcom, while the movie better as an adaptation.

[spoilers and long post ahead]

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Kyouka having a girlfriend head canons? (Like ideal dates, what the first kiss is like, and who asked who out first?) sorry if it's not too specific, I'm just mad gay for Jirou Kyouka lmfao. If you don't mind doing more how about Tsuyu, Izuku, and my man Shouji? If not, just Kyouka would be great!! Thank you :)

Dude I’m mad gay for Jirou too… I’m mad gay for all the girls in Class 1-A if I’m honest. But let’s go! <3 Sorry this is less than five bullet points per characters, but I jam packed a lot under each bullet point so I think it’ll suffice!


•  Who asked who out first? - She asked you out first. She’s known she’s into girls for a long time and isn’t really ashamed of it or anything, but she will wait until you’re close friends to ask you out. She likes to feel out a person before pursuing a possible relationship. Once she’s comfortable she’ll approach the subject really casually, she doesn’t want to make things tense with her confession. That way if you agree everything’s great, but if you don’t you can continue being friends without issue.

•  What was the first kiss like? - REALLY adorable. Jirou’s actually not that experienced in kissing, maybe one or two short flings that physically jumped the gun on her when she wasn’t ready to kiss them yet. She doesn’t kiss you or let you kiss her until you’re both feeling ready. And when you do, it’s tender and soft and loving. You first kiss is when you learn she wears cherry flavored lip balm, which you can’t help but laugh at since it seems to juxtapose her punk vibe. She’ll groan at you for ruining the moment, but give her another kiss and maybe you can save it.

•  Ideal Dates - She’s a fan of more casual dates. Yknow, like locking up in one of your rooms and eating 3 whole pizzas as you marathon 80s films. Those are the dates you’ll typically have. If she’s wanting to do something a little more special though, she’d prefer to do something fun and active. Her favorites are dates at amusement parks and bowling rinks, since you can still laugh and talk but you’re also up and having fun. She hates dates that are too formal though. Fancy restaurants make her uncomfortable, and while she likes movies, she hates that she can’t talk to you during one at a theater. Dates with her are closer to hanging out together than actual structured dates.


•  Who asked who out first? - You asked Tsuyu out first.  Not that she didn’t like you already or anything like that, she’s just a busy girl with a lot on her plate to handle, so she never even considered asking you on a date. In fact, she’d probably already stated she liked you by the time you asked her out. She’d instantly agree though, commenting on how she’s never been on a date before and asking you if it’s really like all the movies and stuff depict. She appears calm while responding to you, but that’s just her natural behavior, on the inside she’s very excited to experience her first real date.

•  What was the first kiss like? - STICKY. Frog saliva has a very different feel to it than human saliva. But seriously, it’s a little awkward for you because she clearly has no idea what she’s doing, but she’s doing it confidently and she seems so happy afterwards that you don’t have the heart to comment on it at that moment. It’s also a very early first kiss, like first date early. She just really wanted to experience what it was like and trusted you, so she simply told you what she wanted and went for it when you agreed. It’s not bad though. The kiss is very innocent and sweet, and it’s a good memory the two of you giggle at remembering later in the relationship.

•  Ideal Dates - Cafe dates are really popular with her. She doesn’t particularly love incredibly noisy or crowded places, so many common date places aren’t really her scene. She’d much prefer to curl up on a couch with you in a little ma and pop run cafe with some hot chocolate and just chat. Shopping dates can be fun for her depending on how crowded the center is. Her favorite kind of dates are swimming dates in the summer though! Once the warm weather rolls around she’s always asking you to go to the beach or pool with her. The water is a very comfortable place for her, and she does have a SMALL fantasy about watching the sunset on the beach with you.


•  Who asked who out first? - You ask Izuku out first. Good LORD have you met this boy? He’s much too much of a nervous nellie to ask a girl her likes on a date. You could probably tell him to his face that you want to date him and he’d still have fears of you saying no if he asked you out. Make it easier on the both of you and just do it for him. He’ll be much more relieved, your relationship can begin much sooner than it would if you waited, everyone is significantly happier this way.

•  What was the first kiss like? - You and Izuku have very different opinions on what your first kiss was. Izuku claims it to have happened on your third date when he was escorting you back to your home. The reality is Izuku shakily leaned in close enough to brush his bottom lip against your chin (which he didn’t notice was your chin because his eyes were closed so tight) and then bolted away faster than you could tell him your lips were up here. Your real first kiss happened on the date after that, when he moved to do the same thing and you just caught him by the tie and planted a good, soft kiss on him. He nearly fainted.

•  Ideal Dates - He looooves movie dates! Watching movies are one of Izuku’s favorite pastimes, and he has fun planning which films coming out the two of you are going to go see together. He also really likes cuddling with you in the theater, he was so IMMENSELY proud of himself when he finally gained the courage to do the “yawn and wrap the arm around the shoulder” trick. Picnics in the park are always nice as well. He always thinks you look absolutely radiant in the mid-afternoon sun! Other than that, Izuku is happy to do with at home dates of watching shows together on Netflix and such, it’s not hard to please this boy date-wise.

Shouji (NGL Anon, I found the phrase “My Man Shouji” really funny for some reason):

•  Who asked who out first? - You asked him out first. Shouji is a guy who never really focuses on material needs or wants, and he sort of places romantic relationships in this category (though he certainly does not view people as materials). More he just finds it unnecessary, so he doesn’t focus on it or seek it out. That doesn’t mean he’s averse to dating if you ask, though! He’s a very sweet boy, so even if he’s never considered whether or not his feelings for you were romantic, he’ll agree if just to make you happy since he definitely considers you a friend. You’ll have to ask him on multiple dates though for the gears to really turn in his head that you want a full on relationship, and it’ll take some time for him to warm up to the idea.

•  What was the first kiss like? - Girl, get ready to wait a LONG ASS TIME to have your first kiss with this boy. Step one, the dating period where he doesn’t even get you want to pursue a relationship. Step two, allow him to get used to the idea of a relationship. Step three, be in a relationship with him for a SOLID amount of time (like 6 months) and then MAYBE he’ll kiss you. With a mouth on his tentacle, only on his face mouth if everything so far has gone EXTREMELY well. And even then it is very short and to the point. Shouji is a boy that likes to move at his own pace…

•  Ideal Dates -  Shouji doesn’t fully “get” dating. He likes hanging out with you, but he doesn’t get what separates a date from simply chilling with you. What’s the difference? Because of this he doesn’t exactly have an “ideal date,” but like Tsuyu, he prefers to avoid largely crowded and loud places. He enjoys going on late night walks with you or just hanging out together and doing your own things as you chat. Very casual to the point where you sometimes ask if this is really a date. He always asks what makes this any less a date than going to a out somewhere. You’re together, enjoying each other’s company, and possibly learning more about each other. You never really have an answer to give, so you just shrug it off and enjoy being with him.

Akito and Shigure Sohma Relationship: An Analysis

I’ve been a fan of Fruits Basket for many years. It was not my childhood manga or the manga I followed religiously throughout middle and high school. I read it through, was touched and pleased, then forgot about it. Then I read it again. And again. I always seem to come back to it at my darkest points, like a small ray of light with words of wisdom and inspiration that made me both laugh and cry. 

One thing that always piqued my interest more than anything, though, was the dramatic, tension-fraught mess of a love story between Shigure and Akito Sohma. I think Akito’s gender reveal was one of the biggest shocks I’ve ever had in manga– though later it seems more apparent than at first glance. 

I’ve read a lot posts and forums trying to delve into their relationship– and the questions are normally the same; Did Shigure sleep with Akito when she was a minor? Was their relationship intimate before Kureno? Etc. The one that stands out to me, however, is why exactly does Shigure love Akito? Akito seems to love Shigure because he was kind to her as a child, charming and indulgent– and later he manipulates her feelings with mind games. But why does a man, seven to eight years a girl’s senior, fall madly in love with a spoiled, destructive girl like Akito?

The manga only openly reveals his feelings after witnessing the dream of Akito; he states that after the dream, he wanted to possess the god of the Zodiac fully. It shows little else of their relationship other than snippets of Akito being a lonely and self-conscious child that Shigure cares for and comforts. 

I think it’s imperative, at this point, to look towards others relationships with Akito. Many posts raise the question of why the dream made Shigure love Akito when it did not have the same effect on the others (Hatori, Kureno and Ayame). While first, it is important to point out that all of the characters are differecnt people. Characters like Hatori are drawn to more independent women (namely, Kana and Mayuko) while Ayame is an inherently selfish and self-centered child (he ignores Yuki’s pleas for help as children). That being said, I think it is obvious in the manga that Hatori does love Akito– just not romantically. I always got the vibe that Hatori sees Akito as his little sister. Someone precious and irreplaceable while not above being obnoxious and unlikeable. Hatori refuses to blame Akito for his eye injury and when Akito is upset by Ren’s mockery, he remembers her as a small child and holds her tightly against him in comfort. Meanwhile, Ayame is simply the kind of character who could not be bothered with Akito. As a child and teenager, Ayame does not see the issues and problems of the people around him, he is remarkably self-centered (a trait he eventually begins to grow out of) and does not understand well the needs of others. This also makes Akito dislike him and so a relationship does not form.

One relationship I tend to think people often misread but one that is key to understanding Shigure and Akito, is the relationship between Kureno and Akito. It is often inferred or believed that Kureno was not in love with Akito– I think that is a faulty interpretation of the text. I think that Kureno was, like Shigure, in love with Akito as a child. He found her endearing and wanted to spoil her, though unlike Shigure he is not nearly as possessive or manipulative. He says he couldn’t stand to leave her, that he couldn’t stand to see her weep, so he stays with her after the curse. Not only does he stay, but he absolutely dedicates his life to her in a way no other Zodiac member does. One does not do that without love; though not necessarily a healthy love. Kureno also sleeps with Akito. They have an ongoing, sexual relationship. Mind you, Akito is anyway between five and six years younger than Kureno and seven to eight years younger than Shigure. I sincerely doubt her first sexual experience, as a young girl who has been raised away from feminine ideals, was initiated by her. I also have trouble believing Kureno was her first sexual relationship– Shigure’s view of her cheating indicates that he felt he had the position of her lover before her and Kureno’s relationship began. With Shigure also being known for his promiscuity, it is likely he initiated a sexual relationship with Akito. That being said, Akito uses sex as a way to keep Kureno complacent as her companion. She does not seem to love Kureno the same way she does Shigure but she uses the same weapon to keep both men close; which is sex. That means that if she did in fact sleep with Shigure prior to Kureno, she saw something in Kureno that made her believe sex would work equally effectively on him, and she is right. You don’t see Kureno turning her down. He is sexually attracted to her or they would not be seen making love as frequently as they are. I think that by the time he has his meeting with Uotani, however, that he has fallen out of love with her. He sees the pain it has caused Shigure and he also sees Akito’s discontent with the relationship and he begins to fall for Uo-chan. He tells Tohru that Uo-chan is “the first woman he fell in love with since his curse broke”. Note that he does not say she is the first person he has EVER fallen in love with. Seeing as the Sohma’s are kept away from society for the most part, and knowing what we know of his and Akito’s relationship, it is inferred that the first woman he ever loved was indeed Akito. He, like Shigure, loves her with and without the curse. But Akito’s relationship with him is toxic for Kureno. Shigure can stand up to Akito in a way Kureno’s personality won’t allow, and so he suffers within their relationship. 

The reason I’ve branched so deeply into everyone else’s relationship with Akito is to highlight Shigure’s off-page reasons for falling in love with her. Like Hatori and Kureno, Shigure sees the full picture of Akito’s trauma. He knows of the mental abuse Ren has heaped on her daughter since before she was even born. He knows she is hurting and desires affection as she is constantly seen demanding it from the older Zodiacs, “Hug me, Hatori!” and “Do you love me, Shigure?” That, paired with the dream of Akito as god, appeals to Shigure. He wants to spoil her with affection and love but his possessive nature also makes him not want to share her. Hatori might see her as a sister, but a sister can be shared, she can have other siblings. Shigure wants a deeper bond with her and to him, you cannot share a lover. So his affections become romantic and sexualized. He does not, he expresses, want to be her father and he does not want to share her equally with the other Zodiacs. And just when he thinks he has her in the way he desires, she begins her relationship with Kureno, who is unaware of Shigure’s feelings. 

I think this act of betrayal arrests Shigure’s love for Akito; his anger and desire for revenge trumps his tenderer feelings for her and that is most of what we see in the manga. He has not stopped loving her so much as he pushes the love he has held and fostered for her for years, away and begins to try and manipulate her whereas before he showed his love through kindness. 

What we see towards the end of the manga is not necessarily a change in the two but a reversal. Akito is more how she was as a very small child, not as angry and more truthfully affectionate and Shigure is gentler and more relaxed in the relationship, much like their original dynamic.

 So why Shigure loves Akito is much the same as many relationships. He sees her heart, the whole of it– he sees her hurt, her love, her nastiness and her hate and he loves her through it. Their relationship is not a healthy one– though hopefully it can grow to be– but it is not out of nowhere either. Akito is not all bad and most of her childhood is spent being a kind child until her father’s death, her mother’s abuse, and the household’s constant enabling of her destructive and unhealthy coping mechanisms turn her into a mentally unstable bully. It’s not until she hits rock bottom– with the threat of actual repercussions of her behavior and actions– that Akito grows as a person and is able to separate unhealthy behaviors that she and Shigure can form the kind of bond they both desire.

Haha sorry for my long-windedness. 

joyedtobeforlorn-deactivated201  asked:

how do you feel about dirkjake?

man i never thought i’d get into the dirkscourse in december of 2016 but here i am

i think their relationship throughout act 6 was unhealthy and fraught with problems, but i don’t think it was abusive. i think the interpretation of dirk as jake’s abuser is somewhat valid and has a small amount of evidence behind it, but most of the textual evidence contradicts that, and it’s not the interpretation i subscribe to.

much of my opinion on this was formed by reading this four-part essay, which is long but well-written, and definitely worth reading: part one, part two, part three, part four.

you can read the parts in whatever order you want, if you’re not up to tackling it all at once. the essay is backed up by a huge amount of evidence and i really appreciate how sympathetic and understanding the writer is when discussing the opposing point of view.

i think one of the reasons dirkjake was so discourse-y was because while act 6 was happening, it was really hard to take in the full picture. i read a lot of act 6 as an archival reader, and even then it was hard to figure out who was responsible for what. one of the core problems in dirk and jake’s relationship was the muddle between dirk and his proxies — the fandom would read a recent update, go “oh my god!!! i can’t believe dirk would do something so awful!” only to realize later that “dirk” was really AR. that initial impression would linger, and many people would argue, “well, the AR is just his personality in a different form, right? and even if they’re separate beings, isn’t the AR still dirk’s fault?”

both of those beliefs are fundamentally unfounded, and i would explain why, but i’m worried i’ll fuck it up… so instead PLEASE go read those essays, they’re so good.

another core reason dirkjake became so fraught with discourse was because of the habit of taking homestuck characters at face value. to quote that essay i love so goddamn much:

“Dirk is assigned a lot more competency than he really deserves. But in reality, most of Dirk’s narrative is focused on all the ways Dirk finds himself losing control… As far as manipulative masterminds go, Dirk is a failure. He fails at executing his plans continually, spectacularly, and with catastrophic consequences. He’s not good at multitasking and he’s not particularly great at orchestrating the kids’ entry to the session (the AR does most of that). And yet, for many Homestuck fans, he takes the lion’s share of the credit (and the blame) for the ridiculous time-loop he participates in during [S] Unite and [S] Synchronize.”

tl;dr — people interpret dirk a puppetmaster because he presents himself that way — he tells everyone he knows what he’s doing because he wishes he were.

i’m hard-pressed to think of a single character in the comic whose outward facade matches their true self. no one, not even john, is completely honest about themselves.

one thing that essay doesn’t tackle is: many people view dirk as an abuser because at one point, he thinks he is one.

dirk obviously has depression. at one point he attempts to destroy the AR, and by proxy himself, in a crippling bout of suicidal ideation. that sequence of events is where a lot of fans get to say “but even he admits he was abusive to jake!”

but i’m not sure why everyone just takes that statement at face value.

when i see a character saying “i hate myself, i ruin the lives of everyone i care about” while the story shows that they were not at fault (PLEASE read those essays), i don’t think “wow, they’re such an awful person,” i think “wow, they have depression.”

finally, i’d like to note one more thing.

i believe that fiction should be evaluated separately from the creator’s intent, so i don’t think hussie’s intention should determine whether or not you interpret dirkjake as abusive (as opposed to unhealthy for other reasons). but i seriously doubt hussie intended to portray dirk as an abuser.

homestuck is a comic where female characters are just as nuanced as male characters, where the longest-lasting and healthiest romantic relationship is between two girls, where the villains embody heteromasculine ideals and the heroes have beautifully written, thoughtful coming-out narratives. why on earth would andrew hussie upturn that by writing in dirk strider as the gay predator archetype? how the hell does homestuck, of all pieces of media, accommodate a storyline about a gay teen as a cruel, manipulative predator who abuses other teenagers into fulfilling his sexual desires? it makes no sense.

i want to be clear, since this is easy to take the wrong way in wonderful discourse-filled tumblr land — i’m not saying that believing that dirkjake was abusive makes you homophobic, or that it makes you the kind of person who buys into those narratives. it’s not your fault for reading the text differently. you might think that canon includes all that nasty stuff even if you would’ve done differently if you were in hussie’s shoes.

and if dirk and jake’s dynamic reminds you of abuse you’ve experienced yourself, then i’m not asking you to somehow undo your triggers or your perception of their relationship for the sake of understanding my argument. they’re just fictional characters, after all.

and if you want to argue with me about my opinion, or present evidence to the contrary, please do! i love talking about this stuff, and if i’ve forgotten something crucial or am just plain wrong, i’ll try to acknowledge it.

at the moment though, i personally, fervently believe that dirk and jake’s arc is not about abuse. it’s about another core theme of homestuck: the dangers of forcing too many expectations onto yourself, the dangers of trying to become an idealized version of yourself instead of accepting your own imperfections. you see it in terezi, in vriska, in rose, in karkat, in dave, in virtually every single character, including jake english and dirk strider.

beyond all the problems of dirk’s splinter selves, what tore dirk and jake’s relationship apart was emotional distrust and an inability to communicate. dirk couldn’t show jake emotion or vulnerability once they were together in person because he was terrified that by letting go of his image as ultra-competent and infallible, he would be failing jake — and jake couldn’t communicate his anxiety about their relationship because he was terrified of being any less than the superhuman movie hero he wanted to be.

i’ll end by reiterating that you really really really should read those essays, and also this reconciliation fic by the same author; they’re both fantastic and nuanced and wonderfully written.

aaaaaaand that’s it, that’s my dirkscourse, folks!