he is a reindeer right

A Christmas Pet - Damian Wayne x Batmom

Prompt: Damian finds Santa’s reindeer on the roof (while Santa is downstairs) and is trying to convince Batmom to let him keep them

“Mom! Wake up!” Damian whispered crawling into your bed in the middle of the night and urgently shaking your shoulders. Your eyes cracked open and you looked over to see Bruce sleeping like a log on the other side of the bed.

“What’s wrong, sweetie?” You mumbled already letting your eyes close again.

“There’s reindeer on the roof Mom! Come look!” Damian said eagerly pulling at your arm. “Come on Mom!” He encouraged again when you were too slow to get out of bed for his liking.

Damian dragged you downstairs and out the front door into the frigid snow covered night. You managed to pull on a jacket and some boots before it was too late. He pulled you some distance away from the manor until you could clearly see the roof and stopped to point up.

Holy shit.

“See? I told you!” He said and dear lord he was right. On your roof stood multiple real live reindeer. Their breathes billowed visibly from their noses while they stood calmly on your roof. You couldn’t believe your eyes when you saw that they were all harnessed together leading a bright red sleigh. You stood there in shock with you mouth hanging open in shock.

How much did you spend to make this happen, Bruce. You thought to yourself. And more importantly how the hell did you manage to get nine reindeer and a sleigh on the roof?

“Can I keep one?” Damian asked hopefully.

“No.” You responded immediately.

“But there’s so many Mom! They need a home and Batcow needs more friends.” He argued.

“Go ask your father.” You said, not able to take your eyes off the fucking deer on the manor’s roof.

“Yes!” He celebrated briefly before hurrying inside to go ask his father permission to adopt yet another unconventional pet. Shaking your head numbly at the sight before your eyes you broke out of your trance to hurry after Damian to make sure he wouldn’t actually wake up Bruce. That man would agree to anything in a haze of sleep.

“So how did you do it?” You whispered to Bruce the next morning while all the boys were opening gifts.

“Do what?”

“Get live reindeer on the roof.” You said a little confused as to why he was acting like he had no idea what you were talking about.

“I didn’t do that.” He stated honestly.

“Then who did?” You asked, the sounds of sleigh bells could be heard far off in the distance.

Winter Wonderland

A/N: I know it’s late because Christmas was two days ago but better late than never, right? I didn’t know how to end it so it just ends… abruptly/awkwardly

Warnings: Drugs

Y/N “accidentally” dumped J’s cocaine down the toilet, which is why she now has to decorate the tree by herself.

“You’re a mean one…Mr.J.” She sang as she tapped on a bulb that was flickering. It sparked to life and she smiled.

“Last Christmas you bought some cocaine…and this Christmas I poured it down the drain. This year, to save you from withdraw-” She screamed as a bullet whizzed over her head.

“Next one’s goin’ in your foot.” She glared and grabbed his hand, pulling him over to the tree.

“Get on your knees.”

“What do you take me for?” J snarked as he lowered himself to the ground.

“Cute.” She got up on his shoulders and he stood up, knowing the drill.

“There!” She put the Batarang on top of the tree since they currently didn’t have a star. She purposefully messed up his hair as she hopped off his back.

“Where’s the tree? He can help me hang the lights.” J gave a confused glance towards the tree.

“Not that tree. The human tree. I also made paper snowflakes-”

“Y/N, I will break your arms.”

………

Y/N, in her reindeer onesie, sprinkled glitter on J’s desk. “I want a hippopotamus for Christmas.." 

"Y/N?” J’s eyes narrowed when he looked at his desk. “I’m gonna kill you.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. She dumped all of the glitter out.

“Oops”

“Lick it off”

“Ew, no, glitter is like clown herpes. It would look like I’ve been having naughty times at the circus.” J smiled, she amused him, but he wouldn’t let this go.
“Lick those clown herpes.”

“No, you lick them. You’re a clown.”

“And I’m your daddy. Lick it up.”

“Suck my nuts.”

“Y/N.”

“I bet you have clown herpes.”

“Y/N.”

“I’m telling all of your business partners. Now no one will want to sleep with you.”

“Except you.”

“Oh. Right.” He smiled when he saw her reindeer tail, grabbed it, and yanked her to him.

“Hey!”

“Can we play in the snow?”

“No.” Y/N pouted in the corner. He put her on a timeout and she had to stay here until he told her to leave.

“I don’t understand what I did wrong. I just wanted-”

“Shut up, and stick your nose in that corner.” She pouted.

“Why don’t you stand in the corner?” She cringed when he slammed his pen down and got up. “Too late to say sorry?” He smacked her butt hard and she yelped. She put her head down and her eyes teared up. J started yelling but stopped once he saw the tears fall. She was sensitive, and he tried to keep his patience with her as much as possible. He wrapped his arms around her and she sobbed into his chest.

“Baby, I’m sorry.” She tried to leave but he kept her in his grasp. “No, no, no. Baby, why are you crying? Y’know daddy was just teasing.” She sniffed and wiped her eyes, only to keep sobbing. “C’mon.” He picked her up and took her to the kitchen, and sat her in a stool. She watched him with a distrustful look as he prepared hot cocoa, and he sighed, knowing what he’d have to do.

“That’s the only way you’ll forgive me, right?” She nodded, and he went to the bedroom.

….

Frost walked by the living room and did a double take. An unenthusiastic looking J and a joyful Y/N were hanging Christmas lights in matching reindeer onesies.  He made sure to restock J’s cocaine supply, knowing he would need some.

….

Over the next couple of days Y/N noticed J getting more into the holiday spirit. He tied his hostages up in Christmas lights, and eventually electrocuted them.  Although it wasn’t what she’d hoped would happen, she was glad he wasn’t being such a Grinch. His henchmen even dressed up with the holiday theme, even if it was disturbing to see a panda with a Santa hat shoot up a bank. Y/N wondered what finally got J in the mood. Right now he was singing along to Christmas carols even though he didn’t know any of the lyrics. He still rocks that one part he does know in jingle bells.

“"Over huhblahblah blah, explosions blah so bright, over blahhuhbah, LAUGHING ALL THE WAY HAHAHA" Y/N smiled when she heard his laugh being incorporated into the song, it ending with him wheezing. She was cleaning their bathroom while listening to him entertain himself in the living room.

“Cocaine is glistening, a beautiful sight. We’re very happy tonight. Walking in a winter wonderland. Gone stray is the robin. Here to stay is the batman. He sings a love song just for me. As we punch each other’s lights out. Walking in a Gotham amusement park.” Y/N sometimes thought he loved the batman more than her, but it brought her comfort knowing that batsy more than likely didn’t feel the same way. She reached under the sink to grab the cleaning supplies and instead pulled out cocaine. That explains it.

“J get your ass in here!” After a few seconds she heard him timidly get up and enter the bedroom, making the way to the bathroom. “What is this?”  He looked innocently at the cocaine.

“My winter wonderland?”

“Who gave this to you?”

“The snowman.”

“That’s it. Tell Frosty to go stand outside, it’s time for him to melt.”

….

As Y/N watched J to make sure he didn’t use any more drugs, she had to find a way to occupy his time. She settled on convincing him to make Christmas cards for Batman, deciding it was a harmless thing he could do.

“Wow, J. That’s a lot of red glitter.”

“It’s for the blood.” Y/N sighed.

“This is supposed to be a nice card. How about you thank him for not killing you yet.”

She convinced him to make a few nice cards so that they won’t all be morbid with pictures of dead robins and whatnot.

anonymous asked:

HIIII!!! I HOPE YOUR HAVING A GREAT AFTERNOON MAtE ! I LIVE FOR YOUR HC AND I WAS WONDERING IF YOU COULD DO RFA + V,saeran,and Vanderwood making christmas cookies with mc??

Christmas stuff! Yay! ♥(ˆ⌣ˆԅ)


◉ Yoosung

  • Loves to bake and cook with you
  • And loves Christmas!
  • So of course he is 1000% for this!
  • You guys have matching couples aprons
  • He puts on Christmas music and gets really into it
  • Can get overbearing about how his mom used to make them
    • “She would add an extra tsp of vanilla extract and-”
    • “Yoosung…shhhh” you kiss him
  • Sticks his tongue out and closes one eye in concentration when he decorates omg it’s so cute

◉ Jumin

  • Immediately questioning why you have to bake them yourselves
  • But gets into the spirit of it when he sees that it’s something you would enjoy
  • Loves to watch you concentrate over the recipe he thinks you’re so cute
  • Actually pretty good at decorating wow!
  • Makes special cookies for Elizabeth 3rd
  • Fish shapes with Christmas ribbons on them
  • Let’s her sit on the counter so she can feel like a part of the process too
  • Takes bad selfie of you three making cookies

◉ Zen

  • He thinks it’s romantic!
  • He usually doesn’t eat a lot of sweets but he will make an exception for this
  • Taking photos throughout the whole process
  • Thinks you’re so flipping cute in your apron
  • Not good at decorating haha
  • Poor guy
  • But he tries
  • Is so proud of it and posts the photos of the finished product

◉ Jaehee

  • This lady goes by the book!
  • No adding extra ingredients for her
  • Very neat and tidy in the kitchen
  • Her cookies are BOMB
  • Bakery perfection
  • She always stops you from eating them before they have cooled
  • When they’re finally ready to eat you guys put on a Zen dvd and eat them together with some wine

◉ Saeyoung

  • This guy is a goof in the kitchen
  • More of a hindrance than a help most of the time
  • Messy af
  • Never follows directions
  • Tries to make his own concoction
  • Like adding Honey Buddha Chips into it for an “extra crunch”
  • Won’t let you get the out of the oven
    • “Stand back and let the defender of justice handle this dangerous task!”
  • Cookies look like a Picasso haha

◉ V

  • He can’t do much
  • But he wants to be of help!
  • You hand him ingredients and he pours them in the bowl and mixes it for you
  • Amazing taste-tester to be honest, since his taste is heightened with the loss of his sight
  • Has Christmas music on and will pull you in for an impromptu dance in the kitchen
  • He can smell when they’re done before you even know it!
  • Obviously not good at decorating
  • But he does it anyway and you guys are in tears from laughing as you explain what his cookies look like
  • Gets more icing on the counter than anything
    • “They taste all the same, no matter what they look like” you both smile

◉ Saeran

  • Is so excited when you mention baking cookies
  • He doesn’t really care what they’re for
  • He just wants cookies
  • Constantly sticking his fingers in the bowl to eat the batter and you have to stop him
  • Will also stick his finger in the batter all the time and ask you to suck it off to “taste that he did it right”
  • Wears a reindeer antler headband you bought him and he’d die if anyone ever found out but he does it for you
  • Crushed the cookies up and adds them to his favorite ice cream

◉ Vanderwood

  • So good at this?
  • They don’t even need a recipe
  • They have one memorized
  • Take charge and tell you what ingredients to grab and add
  • So so worried that you’ll burn yourself so they won’t let you go near the tray until they’re sure they’re cooled enough
  • Likes to do the baking part but leaves the decorating to you 
  • They aren’t as confident in that part
  • Enjoys sharing the same cookie, they’ll take a bite then feed you the other part

anonymous asked:

Headcannons for RFA doing Christmas Karaoke with MC? sadsfgwesw i love your blog so much!! (。’▽’。)♡

(please forgive my general ignorance on Christmasy music ;; gaaah hope it’s not too bad!)

Yoosung

  • he likes christmas songs as much as the next guy
  • but there’s just one song he likes in particular
  • for some reason
  • whenever Frosty The Snowman comes in the radio or TV or anything in general he starts singing
  • he and MC have a blast singing it out loud
  • he just really likes that one song and he can sing it in perfect sync with MC
Jaehee
  • it started when MC put 12 days of Christmas
  • of course she’d heard the song before, but
  • it sounded so much better with MC humming along
  • Jaehee soon is singing out loud with MC
  • wow her voice is great on this song it’s amazing
Zen
  • he has such a great singing voice it’s not even fair
  • and of course he always wants to sing his fav christmas song when Christmas is around
  • jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock
  • while he and MC sing he actually dances a bit and makes MC dance with him
  • everyone’s like damn these cutesy couples and their holiday stuff
Jumin
  • he’s not that big on Christmas music in all honesty
  • but he’s heard a few that aren’t half bad…
  • so he and MC are singing
  • all i want for christmas…….. is youuuuuuuu
  • MC can’t help but blush when Jumin sings that
707
  • he’s READY
  • MC is also ready
  • he’s smiling like a dummy while the song starts and MC wonders what he has up his sleeve
  • wait
  • the song went “rudolph the red nosed reindeer” right
  • he’s singing “seven the red haired hacker” why
what i think about while working retail and being forced to listen to christmas music for 9 hours a day...

Frosty the Snowman: does the personality come from the snow or the hat? if it’s the hat, why can’t they just put it on ANY inanimate object and it would come to life? and if it’s the snow, each new snowflake or each lost snowflake would change he personality slightly, right?

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer: if he’s the most famous reindeer, why do you even need to ask if i recall him? of course i do. he’s the most famous fucking reindeer of all. 

Baby It’s Cold Outside: Yeah, what IS in that drink?

It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas: “there’ll be scary ghost stories and tales of the glories of christmas’s long long ago” Who tells ghost stories at christmas? the only christmas story i know that involves ghost is the one with scrooge.

I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus: okay… but this kid doesn’t know santa is just their dad in costume. this kid just saw their mom CHEATING on their dad. if that happened to me, i’d be worried about my parents getting divorced. i mean, this is a song about a kid realizing their mom is a cheating whore. ‘what a laugh it might have been if daddy had only seen’???? what? why would that be funny? daddy’d be getting a shotgun, kid. 

12 Days Of Christmas: WHO THE FUCK GETS THIS SHIT FOR GIFTS????? and some of these gifts are people. does this song condone human trafficking?

Undercover 10: Magic

December 1st, 2012

Her forearms are aching under the strain of the half dozen canvas grocery bags she has lined up on each arm. She’s starting to regret having committed bringing it all in one trip as she realizes her keys are in her pocket and totally inaccessible between the gallon of milk in her left hand and the bag of apples in her right. She stomps heavily as she climbs the stairs in hopes that he’ll hear the noise and come unburden her, or at least open the door. Neither happens, however.

She gives the chipping front door a swift triplet of kicks with the toe of her winter boot. She can hear shuffling about inside and his approach to the door.

“Jesus, Scully,” he greets as he swings the door open. “Why didn’t you leave some of this in the car?” he says as he frees her hands.

She kicks the door shut and follows him to the kitchen.

“I’ll be damned if I’m going to make more than one trip,” she grumbles as she bends over and lets the bags tumble to the floor.

“So stubborn,” he says as he starts putting things away.

“Speaking of stubborn, has he-”

“Nope, nothing,” he interjects.

She sighs as she begins stacking cans in the cabinet.

“What’re we gonna do?” she asks.

He is squatting and sorting through the bags on the floor.

“I hope there weren’t any eggs in here,” he comments with a wry smile.

“There aren’t. We still have eggs. I’m serious, what’s the plan?”

“The plan?” he parrots. “Uh, well, there isn’t one, I guess. It’s okay, we’ve got time.”

She is exasperated and makes no effort to hide it.

“I wanted to have this all done by now,” she says as she closes the cabinet and turns to face him.

He’s making a face, one that he usually uses either to placate or seduce her.

“I know,” he says as he wraps his arms around her. He drops a sweet kiss on her forehead.

“Don’t worry, he’ll slip up sooner or later.”

She relaxes against the solid warmth of his chest.

“Okay,” she sighs.


December 15th

She lies wide awake, staring at the crack in the ceiling. It’s always made her nuts, that one crack taunting her with its circuitous journey from the corner of the room to the fan over the bed.

“Whatcha thinkin’ about?” he asks in a sotto voice.

He slides the flat of his palm along the path of skin between her t-shirt and pajama pants.

“Has he given you anything, anything at all to work with?” she whispers, almost hopelessly.

“Nada.”

“God,” she sighs as she covers her face.

“Scully, I’m just gonna throw this out-”

“Don’t,” she cuts him off.

“I’m just saying, maybe we should let it happen.”

“You of all people, Mr. I want believe, Mr. Don’t give up,” she says, her volume rising well above a library voice.

“Okay, okay,” he backs off. “I’ll keep trying.”

She eyes him suspiciously and props herself up on her elbow. He seems to sense her dubiousness and leans in to press his forehead against hers.

“Do you trust me?” he whispers.

“Of course I do.”

“It’ll be alright,” he says, smoothing his hand up and down the valley of her waist.

She closes her eyes and exhales, reminding herself that he’s doing his best. And that his best is awfully good.

December 20th

“I just want to– one last time– say that I don’t think this is gonna work,” he says, arms crossed over his chest.

“He’s testing us!” she says as she swings her scarf around her neck.

“Of course he is! What did you think was going to happen? That he would just stay in a perpetual state of blind trust?”

“Well he is your son,” she reasons.

“Funny, very funny. It’s not the same and you know it.”

“I know,” she says as she crosses the room and leans into a fleeting kiss. “Will!” she calls. “Let’s go!”

William emerges from the hallway with his coat half zipped and his hat dangling from his hand.

“Where’re we going?” he asks, annoyed that he had to abandon his video game.

“To see Santa!”

He groans and drops his head back on his shoulders. Mulder’s I-told-ya-so face is flashing like a sign on the Vegas strip.

“C'mon, Will,” she says as she zips his coat the rest of the way. “If you aren’t going to tell us what you want, then you gotta go tell the big guy.”

“That isn’t Santa,” William argues. “And if he’s real, he should already know what I want.”

“How?” she asks as she takes his hat and jams it onto his head.

“He sees me when I’m sleeping, he knows when I’m awake,” he sing songs.

Mulder is humming along lightly. She shoots him a look that could kill. Luckily it doesn’t, but it does make him cough and promptly shut up.

“So you’re testing a hypothesis?” she asks.

William nods solemnly. “I stood in my room and said what I wanted. If Santa is real, he heard me and I’ll get it.”

“That’s awfully risky, don’t you think? What if he was distracted for a second?What if he sneezed right when you said it? Or a reindeer kicked him?” she asks as she tugs on her gloves.

William seems to be giving her input some serious weight, knitting his brows and working the tendons in his jaw. He looks up at his mother and brandishes the same expression of caution she often reserves for Mulder.

“Alright,” he says. “Let’s go.”

She flashes a smug little smile at Mulder and takes William’s hand to leave.

When they return two hours later, William precedes her with a stomping entrance and she follows, smug smile wiped clean and traded for a look of utter defeat

“What happened?” he asks, punctuated by the sound of their son’s door slamming shut.

“Will had questions and Santa did not have the answers,” she sighs as she flops onto the couch dejectedly.

“Like what?” he asks as he sits down next to her.

She begins to chuckle mirthlessly.

“He asked if he was employing wormholes to cross the oceans.”

“Oh boy,” he says softly.

“And Santa says ‘no, it’s magic’,” she says, mimicking a classic Santa voice.

“Uh-oh, what did William say?”

“He said that there’s no such thing as magic, just science we don’t understand yet.”

“Sound familiar?”

“It got worse,” she warns.

“How?”

“He accused him of being a corporate shill and perpetuating a myth to feed a capitalist money machine.”

“Oh no,” he sighs as he pinches the bridge of his nose.

“And then-”

“There’s more?”

“He yelled at the little girl behind us in line and called her a mindless sheep,” she says with a wince.

“He knows he’s grounded, right?”

“Yes, he knows. And he apologized to the little girl and Santa before we left.”

There is a long silence between them. He watches her but waits to speak.

“I just wanted him to believe a little bit longer,” she says. “He’s our only baby, we never get this again”

“I know,” he tells her. “I understand.”

“You were right,” she says sadly, leaning into a side hug.

“Believe me, I wish I wasn’t.”

December 25th 5:10 a.m.

“Mom!” the voice calls from downstairs.

She comes awake slowly, trying to piece together why William would be up so early and what on Earth he can be yelling about. And then she remembers, it’s Christmas.

“Somebody’s awake,” Mulder grumbles softly.

She presses the heels of her hands into her eyes and tries to focus.

“Mom! Dad!” he shouts again. “He came! He came!”

Scully tries to find her bearings and suss out who “he” might be. And she suddenly feels a warmth wash over her. They both slowly rise from bed pawing around in the darkness for robes and slippers. Down the stairs the two of them come to find their son bouncing with giddy excitement in the living room.

“He came! He came, see!”

There is a telescope in front of the tree adorned with a big red bow and Will is very nearly apoplectic as he dances around it.

“That was what you wanted?” Scully asks with a smile.

William nods emphatically as he stoops to look through the eyepiece.

“How did you do that?” she whispers to Mulder.

“Magic,” he whispers back, wrapping an arm over her shoulders.

She pinches an inch of flesh at his ribs and he startles.

“Okay, maybe not magic,” he concedes. “He’s not as sneaky as he thinks. I put my profiling skills to work.”

She smiles, overcome with sappy sentimentality.

“He still believes,” she says. “It is magic.”

2

“Don’t look at me that way, it was an honest mistake.” ~Honest Mistake, the Bravery.

IMAGINE: Making Tony jealous with Loki.

You flopped down next to your friend Loki, seething with anger. Only your stupid heart would have chosen to have a crush on the famous womanzier, Tony Stark. And only your heart would be jealous of all the women he brought home, even though you were only “friends.”

Loki looked at you curiously, raising a thin eyebrow. “Is there something wrong, (Y/N)? You look a little… What’s the word mortals use? Ah, yes. Pissed off.” he gave you a smirk, and you gritted your teeth.

“Right again, o god of mischief,” you replied, and he touched your shoulder gently.

“(Y/N)?” Loki asked, picking up on your sullen mood. “Is there anything I could do to help? Anyone I could trick, or maybe kill?” he offered, and you laughed at the serious way he said it. But as soon as he said trick, a plan started to develop in your head.

“You know what? There is a way you can.” an evil grin spread across your face. I’m gonna get him good,“ you promised yourself.

~~~

Loki fidgeted nervously, which was something the god nearly never did. He still couldn’t believe the plan you had formulated. For the past week, the two of you had pranced around the Avengers headquarters hand in hand. It wasn’t that he didn’t like causing all this mischief and the murderous look on Tony’s face, but it was the feelings that had made themselves known.

"Stop fidgeting,” you teased, tearing the dark haired man out of his thoughts. “It’s not like we are getting married. It’s just a simple kiss.”

Just a simple kiss to you, he thought to himself, as you suddenly stiffened, cocking your head. “Get ready to kiss in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…” you counted down and as soon you heard footsteps in the room, you launched yourself onto the god.

Even though Loki knew it was just for show, he felt like it was real. The heat of you pressed against him, and the smell of your strawberry shampoo. It felt right, he realised, having you in his arms. But it was over too fast as you broke away. The look on your face confirmed what he had felt. Did you feel it too? he wanted to scream at you, but they were interrupted by an angry man.

“What the hell, (Y/N)?” Tony erupted, his eyes fiery. “Kissing Reindeer Games?” he pointed a finger right at Loki’s face.

“You have your blonde bimbos, Tony!” you screeched back, and Loki put a hand on your shoulder. You shrugged it off, getting right into Tony’s face.

“It was just to make YOU jealous!” and without another word, he ran from the room, with you chasing after him.

“Don’t look at me that way, it was an honest mistake!” he could hear you yell, and Loki let out a heavy sigh. It didn’t feel like a mistake to him.

i wonder what it would have been like for kristoff when he finally married anna like

one of the guards: oh welcome back prince kristoff

kristoff: wait what

guard: i said welcome back

kristoff: no no the thing after that

Almost Two Reindeer - a Kristanna drabble

Based on a prompt from somewhere that pointed out that Kristoff and Anna traveled all night and day–they must have stopped to rest at some point, right?

And they had to keep warm somehow.

Obviously they cuddled up with Sven. It’s the clear solution. It’s just a shame they weren’t traveling with two reindeer. 

(note: it’s not the greatest but I’m frustrated with everything I try to write right now, so I decided to barrel through and produce something tolerable. Anyway, lower your expectations, oh ye who enter here)

The princess fell into a snowdrift. Again.

Kristoff sighed, rubbing a mitten across his face. He kept telling himself that the next time she went wandering off instead of following in his trail the way she was supposed to, and ended up half buried in snow for her trouble, that he would just wait for her to get herself out. But her useless flailing was too pathetic, and every time he’d found himself hoisting her up by her armpits and setting her back on her feet. This time, though, he would be tough. She had destroyed practically everything he owned, he reminded himself.

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They never called each other by their first name. From him, it was always Miss Lewis. It actually annoyed her for a while, well…actually, it freaked her out the first time he said it. But that might have something to do with the fact that he said it right after he materialized in her apartment, reindeer helmet and all. He’s said, “Miss Lewis, I need your help.” And instead of the completely rational and intelligent response she knew Jane would have given, in true Darcy fashion she’d made a gurgling noise and had fallen out of her chair. It was only a little while after that that she’s began to get annoyed by it. After all, she considered them friends. I mean, she’d helped him help the avengers, hadn’t she. Darcy thought that deserved at least a first name basis, if not a cute little pet name. She’d always wanted to be called baby doll… Anyway, in retaliation in the competition Loki didn’t know they were having, she began calling him frost brain, blue balls, reindeer face, prince asshole, you know…completely brilliant, inspired, original insults that anyone could appreciate, and Darcy was actually rather proud of. It became a sort of routine. They’d call each practically anything except their actual names. And when they’d become fuck buddies, and eventually began an actual mature adult relationship, the routine just sort of carried over. It wasn’t until frost brain himself found her bleeding in her apartment that she heard her first name fall from his lips. His beautiful lips. He’d ran in - just back from a mission where the alien he was fighting vowed to get his revenge, or something melodramatic like that - and he’d seen her lying on the ground, pressing her hands to her stomach, confused. “Oh hi reindeer face,” she’d mumbled, distracted as she lifted her bloodstained hands to her face and inspected them, “Do you see this?” She asked as he knelt down next to her and took her hands in his. “I’m bleeding.” “What happened?” He whispered. Anger and fear warring for dominance in his eyes. “And this is new carpet, damn it.” She frowned, “this will be so much money to get out-” “Darcy!” He said suddenly, gripping her arms tightly and she looked up at him in surprise. “I’ll replace all of the carpets in your whole house if you just tell me what happened.” His whole intimidation thing was ruined at the last second because his voice broke at the end. “He just came in, and stabbed me. Then he left.” She whispered, sobered. “You said my name.” Darcy reached up and touched his cheek. “You said my name.” That was when everything went black.
It had only been a minor wound, nothing was permanently damaged. It really wasn’t dramatic enough for even Darcy’s parents to find out about. But it did prompt a change in her and Loki’s relationship. They developed a new routine.
Around other people they kept up the ruse, calling each other Miss Lewis and Blue Balls. But when they were alone, doing domestic things like eating Chinese takeaway or washing the dishes, they were Loki and Darcy. And that was enough for them.