he is a bamf and a sweetheart

anonymous asked:

Hey!!!! Dumb question but what exactly is the Iliad?


The Short Version: A yarn about blokes getting shitmixed in a war over Miss Hellenic Beauty Champion because some gods thought it would be a Lol.

The Long Version: A Homeric epic poem passed down through spoken word over generations that was penned down in about 800 BC. In the mythological timeline, it ends the Age of Heroes (by wasting them all). It covers the Greek seige of Troy, a whole lotta gods Messing With Shit, a Poseidon who needs anger management, a few hundred names and lots of General Epicness ft Diomedes and Patroklus. Sit back my buddy, let’s go through a quick summary of the books.

Book 1: Apollo ghettoblasts the Greeks with Pain because Agamemescunt kidnapped his priestess Chryseis. Being a douchebag, Agadouchebag Mr Steals Yo Girl from Achilles, which leads to  in͟ten̛şȩ ͟śul͜ki͢n̶g͡ . Achilles’ divine Ma brokers a deal with the Zeus goose (not literally thank goodness, although it’s a definite possibility) so that the Greeks won’t win until they realize how fucked they are without Achilles and go crawling back to him for help.

Book 2: Zeus messes with Agafuckface by telling him to attack Troy. Agamemhoe messes with Zeus by telling his entire army to fuck off back to Greece. Odysseus, with Athena’s help, uses his wicked ol’ tongue to lick  Agaiceheart back into  shape (not literally, although very possible in Ancient Greece). There are 31 paragraphs of names about Greeks and 16 paragraphs of names about Trojans going to war. The epic story continues.

Book 3: The armies meet. Memealaus (sorry, Menelaus) and Paris decide to have a 1v1 to end this shindig. Paris is saved by Aphrodite and a cloud because he is a Weak Bitch, so we gear up for another 9 years and 11 months of war. Helen tells Aphrodite to go fuck Paris herself if she likes him so much, but Aphrodite threatens Godly Bitch Revenge is Helen ever talks back to her like that again.

Book 4: Menelaus gets grazed by an arrow. Like a football player with a stubbed toe, this means war. He also apparently had ‘shapely thighs and fair ankles’. Watch out for the Zeus eagle, boi. Fighting commences. Diomedes appears. He is awesome, as usual. We continue to the next chapter.

Book 5: Pretty much an entire chapter about Diomedes being a son of a gun and killing fucking everything thanks to Athena. A dude called Sthenelus gets a rock hard boner watching all of this. Aeneas thinks it’s a good idea to take on Diomedes. Mistake. Big Mama Aphrodite has to save him, also with a cloud. Diomedes hasn’t quite reached Critical Awesome yet, so he stabs Ares and Aphrodite as well. Hera calls Ares a little bitch and we carry on.

Book 6: Just a lot of death really. Diomedes was going to kill a bloke, but they realize they are family friends, so just do a little swapsie of armour. Hector gives Paris a spray for being a cowardly little bitch, Paris agrees, and they set off for battle.

Book 7: Hector decides to 1v1 and get this over with. Menelaus tries to accept, but his wingmen Restrain Him. Ajax gets picked out of a hat to fight, but after a bit of a tussle it gets dark, so the fighting pair give each other presents and go home for the night. The next day, they all take a holiday from fighting and the Greeks build a wall. Poseidon is triggered. (reason here.)

Book 8: Due to Poseidon being triggered, Zeus forbids any godly interference on both sides of the war. Hera and Poseidon bitch about Zeus as the Greeks get casually wreckt by the Trojans, but decide not to act on it. Lucky for the Greeks, the Trojans decide sleeping is better than winning, so leave off for the night.

Book 9: The Greeks hit Fuck It and decide to grovel to Achilles for help. Before they do, Diomedes gives Agasaggytitnon a spray for being a douchebag, and everyone agrees that he is indeed a douchebag. Sthenelus probably pops another boner. Back in the tent with the power pair, Achilles and Patroklus, Patroklus tries to be the polite bf to the pleading Greeks, but Achilles is still thinks Agamoomoo called him a ‘vile tramp’ so refuses to help. The drama continues.

Book 10: Odysseus and BAMF Diomedes go on a sneak mission and  heroically stab the Trojans in their sleep. They also heroically steal some horses. The epic heroism continues.

Book 11: Hector takes a leaf out of Diomedes’ book and decides to shitmix the Greeks. He successfully shitmixes the Greeks, giving Agamugface a well-deserved arm wound. Paris shoots Diomedes in the foot, but Diomedes literally does not give a shit. Some random dude gives Odysseus a bit of a stab, Ajax gets Confused By Zeus but survives, but things still look Grim. Sweetheart Patroklus sees the Grimness and decides to try and use his wiles to break Achilles out of his Uber Sulk.

Book 12: The Trojans continue to roadhaul the Greeks, which will come back to bite Hector, but we do meet a dude called Thootes. He doesn’t do shit, but his name is great. There is graphic violence, and the Trojans go to chuck a Greek ship on the barbie. 

Book 13: Poseidon rises from the sea, back being a buddy to the Greeks now the his great enemy The Triggering Greek Wall has been overcome.There is a shit ton of fighting wherein the Greeks do well and Poseidon is happy because he’s getting vengeance for his other traumatic wall experience.

Book 14: Hera sees Poseidon disobeying Zeus and getting sweet wall vengeance and while probably thinking she married the wrong brother, decides to use Titty Distraction so that the Greeks don’t get chucked on the Trojan barbie. Titty Distraction predictably works A+ and the Trojans get slightly shat on with gratuitous eyeball violence. Hector gets hit by a rock and almost has the most anticlimactic death since Amycus, who suffered death by Elbow Punch.

Book 15: Zeus wakes, calls Hera a scurvy knave and tells Poseidon to Fight Him. Poseidon does not want to Fight Him, so melts back into the ocean and stops helping the Greeks. Apollo resurrects Hector from his rock to the face and the Trojans joyously return to their mission to barbeque the Greek ships.

Book 16: Honeyboo Patroklus (still on his way to Achilles since Book 11) sees Apollo and his Brojans on the warpath and breaks Achilles’ heart with Man Tears. While Achilles and Patbroklus have a very, very long, heartfelt conversation, the Trojans start to toast the Greek ships. Achilles gives (yes gives) Patroklus his armour and tells him to fuck shit up, but not to win without him. Fighting commences, we discover the word hurly-burly, Sarpedon dies in a shower of Zeus-induced blood rain and Patroklus becomes Diomedes 2.0 until he is gang bashed by Hector, Apollo, a literal god, and some awkward random called Euphorbus. Sasstroklus delivers a final fuck you, pulls the finger at all three of his killers and blazes it down to Hades.

Book 17: Hector takes Achilles’ armour off Patroklus, marking him as target #1 for the Sulk King. The Trojans and the Greeks spend an entire chapter having a tug of war with Patroklus’ body. Ajax and Menelaus comment mildly on how Zeus is helping out the Trojans, and the god shines a bit of sunlight in chagrin for being called out. The Greeks win the tug of war thanks to Double Ajax Tactics.

Book 18: In which Achilles goes nuts. Everybody has a cry because Patroklus was a Swell Guy (seriously,as swell as a Hawaiian surf that guy). Achilles goes and therapy-screams at the Trojans, who see the mad bloke and back the fuck off -  rightfully so, as Achilles is planning some good old human sacrifice to his dead ‘rider’ Patroklus. Meanwhile, Hephaestus quick-smelts some smashing new armour for Achilles with his household robots.

Book 19: Achilles gets dolled up for battle. Agadickbutt and Odysseus try to placate the madman with gifts, including Briseis, the dame Agamemnope stole from Achilles, but Achilles’ quota of fucks has run out indefinitely. He saddles up and gets ready to fuck up his bae killer.

Book 20: Zeus R͡ELE҉ASE͜S̵ ͝T̀H͜E͡ ́ǴO̷D͞S͝ and lets them play for whichever team they like, so long as Achilles doesn’t sack Troy just quite yet. It’s probably a friendly game similar to football in god terms. Athena invents the spear boomerang, Hera and Poseidon do some casual sunbathing, while Achilles paints the town red rather literally. 

Book 21: Achilles finds men too weak and decides to take on a literal river (Scamander). Achilles realizes this was A̴ B̸ad ̶I͜de͟a͡ and decides he’ll stick to men. We’re not sure whether Diomedes would have backed off from a river, but I guess we’ll never know. Apollo saves a dude called Agenor from Achilles molestation and in doing so also saves the Brojans. The epic story continues.

Book 22: Apollo says surprise Achilles, tricked ya into chasing me boi, I’m immortal. Achilles stares him dead in the eye for a full minute then says ‘fuck you’ and rides off back to Troy. Hector decides it’s time for another 1v1, but at the last minute considers that this idea was insane and fuckin legs it. Achilles chases Hector around the wall of Troy three times presumably to this soundtrack. Hector finally stops to fight, and thanks to the Athena Spear Boomerangᵀᴹ, Achilles avenges his Patroklus. Hector performs the minor miracle of talking whilst having a spear sticking out of his throat before he dies, then Troy’s hero gets roadhauled and everyone is Sad. 

Book 23: Ghost Patroklus pays Achilles a visit, like a sexy Obi wan Kenobi and tells Achilles to bury him already. Patghostklus also beseeches that their bones be laid (ha) together when Achilles inevitably gets fucked on by Fate. Achilles says of course bby I was gonna do that anyway, and tries to make out with a ghost, but this isn’t a Whoopi Goldberg type deal, so Patroghost gets sent back down under. They put the fun in funeral by having games and giving out toasters and such as prizes.

Book 24 (The End): After ‘yearning after the might and manfulness of Patroklus’, Achilles continues to roadhaul Hector until Apollo gives his fam a spray about the dishonour of it. Hera says he’s only mortal scum so who gives a fuck and Zeus says chill wife and commands Achilles to RE̵L͘E̡A̷S͢E ̴T́HȨ H̀ȨC̕T̵O̷R͡ (sorry I can’t help it). With Hermes as a bodyguard, Priam (Hector’s dad) goes to get the body back. Achilles and Priam have a man-cry bonding moment over Dead Loved Ones, Hector is whisked off to be buried and there ends the Iliad! There’s none of the ankle-shooting, wooden-horse-building shenanigans in there, they all come in later texts such as the Aeneid and Ovid, although I still can’t find the exact text where Achilles gets shot. If y’all know, send me the link ;)  I fucking found it nvm

Anyhoo, that was…Jeez, that was The Iliad (aka the longest post in existence). Well, my retold, abridged more slightly less serious version.It’s definitely worth a read, if you can get past all the names!

Check out more Greek Stories here :D

anonymous asked:

How about a date at a carnival with mccree? I need headcanons for this I NEED it

I need it as well anon, so thank you!

  • McCree would pretend that he’s going to the carnival for your benefit but his eyes sparkle too much when you talk about going for it to be just for you
  • The first thing he would do there is get churros, cotton candy, and corn dogs
    • Will feed you the cotton candy and then steal a kiss
    • “Didn’t think your kisses could get any sweeter, darlin’.”
  • He’d let you take the lead about where to go first, but you know you’ll be going everywhere so it doesn’t matter
  • Would be insulted when the guy that guesses people’s weight goes 15 pounds over what he actually is
    • You’d have to comfort him and say the serape adds ten pounds
    • More corn dogs after you convince him he’s perfect
  • If you think you’re going home without a prize from the shooting booth you are sorely mistaken
    • The guy running the booth will cringe at the sight of McCree, because you can’t dress like a cowboy and have a BAMF belt buckle if you aren’t a good shot
    • His jaw still drops when McCree shoots everything within three seconds
    • You get your pick of the prizes; maybe you go with the giant Gorilla because it reminds you of someone???
    • “What’s my prize, sweetheart?”
    • You go to kiss him on the cheek but he’ll grab you around the waist and dip you down for a deep kiss
    • “That’s more like it!”
  • He carries your prize around for you
  • You’ll be feeding him cotton candy from then on
  • You’ll be questioning how he can eat so much without getting sick
  • He wants to go on the Tilt-a-Whirl but you have to stop him because then he really will get sick
  • If you’re good at ring toss you win him a prize, if not, he tries to win you something
    • He’s surprisingly bad at ring toss
    • But you manage to win a small keychain
  • Dancing to the live performances
  • He loves to twirl you and then pull you real close and not let go
    • Would probably try to slow dance to fast music too
  • Ending the night with a Ferris Wheel ride!
  • Will def give you his serape or jacket if you get cold
  • Arm wrapped around you the entire time
  • Bright colourful lights that reflect in his eyes
  • Neither of you see the view, just staring at each other
  • Kisses at the top, and the way up, and the way down
  • Will return to the ring toss demanding another chance to prove his skill
    • He proves he still has no skill
  • So you take him back to the shooting booth and let him win you another huge stuffie
  • Instead a small teddy bear with a cowboy hat catches your eye and you go for that
  • Once home he won’t want to go to bed
  • Will set up a makeshift ring toss with D.Va and Lucio to practice
    • He gets a little better
  • Says he’ll win you something big tomorrow on your next date at the carnival

darker-bridges  asked:

Okay so I love the simulation one but how does Tony work with the others as villains like how does he take down Steve and Natasha when they're villains? Also I love everything that you've done today especially the one where everyone is sure Tony is a villain which is still canon compliant. I keep getting excited when I see you :)

Aww, you’re so sweet <3 I’m so glad you like the way I played with canon there (well, canon gets lost eventually but we aren’t there yet lol). I just thought it would be hilarious if Tony became one of the world’s greatest super villains–because of rumours no less. Thank you so much for being the sweet person that you are *hugs you*

About the simulation: (I’ve pictured computerised sims like in some high tech, out of body experience, just so you know) The way I imagined the major difference why the team as so much more trouble taking down Tony as opposed to everyone else when it’s their turn to be villains is Extremis. Sounds–almost disappointing, doesn’t it? But fact is all members of the team know each other, know their strengths and weaknesses. So them fighting each other when it’s five against one, well, the villain doesn’t have it easy.

Now by mere design of the simulation being essentially a program, Tony has a certain advantage. But I was thinking that Extremis–and this is totally wacky comic book science because I have no idea how this would work in real life–would allow him to hack the simulation, even when the others are in control as the villains. Of course that’s an unfair advantage, but then so is Steve’s superserum. And well, if you fight Tony within a network he’s got access to, I have a hard time feeling bad for you when you inevitably lose…

Of course they also do training exercises in the real world, and I’m not gonna lie, Tony isn’t as devastating there as he is in the sims. But that doesn’t mean he’s not still dangerous and hard to take down.

Prompt: another Mafia AU

Percival Graves is a high standing business man that controls a multimillion dollar company that is gaining more and more ground everyday. His lover Newt is one of the best Veterinarians in the whole eastcoast. Newt was with Percival before his big success and they met when Percival hit a dog with his car and brought it in. Meeting those green eyes doomed Graves from the start and he started pursuing a relationship with him. They now live in a beautiful penthouse with not a care in the world. What Graves has never told Newt was that not all of his business ventures are legal. In fact, he wouldn’t be where he is today without his crimes. Percival Graves is the head of the Macusa Clan. One of the most dangerous Mafia families you could have the misfortune to piss off. If you do, you and your family would dissappear as would any evidence that you’ve ever existed. Percival has never told Newt. He doesn’t want to distroy the light in him. He doesn’t want to turn Newt into one of his lackeys. He loves his caring heart and his bright smiles and his bashful nature. Newt knowing what Graves has done would ruin the one pure thing in his life. Newt would run and Graves wouldn’t be able to keep him safe. But one day he is careless and Newt gets kiddnapped for leverage by one of Percival rivals.

Originally posted by percivalgravessource

Originally posted by the-moment-was-all

anonymous asked:

Here's something I've been curious about for a while! Who are your top 5 Pro-Heroes from BNHA?-Kes

Oh yikes, that’s a difficult one…hmm

Most favourite would, quite obviously, be All Might. No question about that.

Eraserhead is definitely a very very close second. Because he’s super bamf, and also he adores his kids so so so much.

Gran Torino is a close third, because he is bae and I love him and he’s absolutely adorable and hilarious XD

Present Mic would be fourth, because he has exactly 0 chills, and I think that’s beautiful. He is my loud scream boy, and he must be protected at all costs.

And last but not least would be Kamui Woods. Lmao, I know he’s not a very major character, but I really do feel he needs more love. He’s a total sweetheart and I wish he had more screentime.

Sleepy Homecoming

Relationship: Kurt Wagner x Reader

AN: This is just a short drabble to help me get a feel for Kurt’s character. I know like zero German and feedback would be great because I would love to be able to write Kurt’s character spot on because I love my blueberry husband. @benefactor-1 I hope you like this!

It isn’t the sound of Kurt teleporting into your room that wakes you up but the smell of sulfur that floats in the air around you while a puff of the smoke blows in your face.

“Kurt?” you ask, voice scratchy and low from sleep. You blink your eyes open and see him shuffling around, trying to be quiet, and taking his gear off.

“I’m sorry I woke you, Lieibling. Sleep,” he says with his heavy accent as he digs in a drawer for a clean shirt.

“I missed you. You were gone for so long, sweetheart, what happened?” you attempt to push the comforter off yourself with tired limbs but fail miserably.

“It vas nothing,” he sniffed. “Just took a while to find the girl. She was very hard to get her to calm down.”

Kurt looks over his shoulder at you with an amused smile as you fall lamely back against the mattress with a huff. He changed quickly into his sweatpants, not bothering with a shirt as per your request. For all the years you had both been together, he never understood why you would want that but he never complained.

Just as your eyes started to drift close, you heard the signature sound of Kurt’s bamf before he appeared above you, straddling your hips with a smile wide and bright enough to light up the world.

“Kurt.” you whined as another puff of smoke hit your face.

“I thought you missed me, mein Liebling .”

“Yeah, but it’s too early to be blowing smoke in my face, sweetheart,” you say, reaching your hand up to trace the pattern of scars that litter his chest.

“It is never too early for zhat.”

You laugh weakly as your arms drift towards the back of Kurt’s neck and pull him down towards you. Kurt presses a light kiss to your lips with harmless intent.

“Go back to sleep,” he whispers in your ear, slowly turning the both of you so that you are laying across his chest and he is on his back, stroking your hair with his thick fingers.

He smiles at the sound of your incoherent mumble and the way you nuzzle your face against the crook of his neck. His tail wraps around your torso, holding you tighter against his frame. The content sigh that you make muffled by the fur that covers him has him in a puddle.

He begins to hum a soft lullaby as he moves his tail away from you to grab the comforter and pull it back from where it lie in a mess by both his and yours feet. Kurt tucks it over your shoulders and kisses your forehead.

“Gute nacht und süße träume, mein Liebling ,” he whispers into your ear, half asleep.


Wordcound: 1,092

Summary: Your boyfriend Kurt gets a little jealous of Pietro flirting with you.

“I’m gonna punch him straight on his nose!”  Kurt groaned as his tail moved from one side to another while you tried to hold him back, placing your hands on his chest. He sure was a cinnamon roll. However, he wasn’t fond of people messing with him, or something he thought belonged to him.

“Kurt, you have to relax! You know he only likes to tease you!” you said, trying to calm him down.

“Nein! Das hurensohn-“ he got cut by you, placing a kiss on his lips. That sure should make a difference.

As you prepared yourself to pull back, he grabbed you by the waist, pulling you closer once more.  After a while, he pulled back from the kiss and pressed his forehead against yours.

“Sorry, mein liebe. It’s just not fair Pietro goes around flirting vith your like he has the right to do so” he pouted as he looks down.

“I think it’s just a little revenge for you pranking him nonstop, Kurt” you cup his cheek to make him meet your gaze. “And I think making his hair go green went straight to his pride” you chuckle as you recalled Pietro’s expression when he met everyone at the mansion with his new green hair. Kurt laughed a bit, remembering all the fuzz.

“Ja, I guess you’re right. Still, he should take it on me, not on you… Vhat if you-“  you cut him again by kissing him once more.

“Whatever you’re afraid of, it’s not gonna happen. I’m with you, Kurt, not with Pietro” you smiled kindly at him. “Let him have his revenge. If he goes over the line, I’ll stop him. I promise” you assure him.

“Ich liebe dich, mein liebe” he kissed softly your forehead.

You sat with Kurt to watch a movie at the mansion, enjoying finally some time alone between your responsibilities and Kurt’s missions.

“I’m going to get somezhing to drink. You want anyzhing?” he said as you move, backing from his shoulder where you rested your head.

“Just some water, please. Will you pause the movie?”

“Nein. Keep watching it, I’ll be back soon” Kurt said right before ‘bamf-ing’.

“Not fast enough” Pietro smiled and winked an eye at you as he placed one arm around you and sat on Kurt’s spot. “What movie are we watching, sweetheart?” he said as he pulled you closer.

“Drei are a multitude, Maximoff. Piss off!” Kurt showed up, eyebrows knitted and tail tense, ready to fight.

“Relax, dude! I was just keeping your sit warm…” he said raising his hands up, like surrendering.  “…Perhaps I’m too big for it” he finished looking at you with a smirk as he got up and disappeared as fast as he appeared.

“Ja, fatass” Kurt groaned as he placed himself back next to you with a ‘bamf’.

“Crap! I forgot my phone inside the car. Meet you at the kitchen!” you yelled at Kurt as you stepped back outside the mansion to get to your car. Once you got it and you began to walk back, you felt like a tornado around you, followed by a light tickle on your left ear. As you touch the source of the funny feeling, you discover a flower. A cute little daisy, actually, decorating and framing your face and head. Pietro ran over to take your hand and kiss it gently.

“The flower looked beautiful before I picked it up. Now it looks jealous of YOUR gorgeous being” he bowed as he took your hand in between his, approaching them to his chest.

You feel your cheeks blushing at his comment. A bit too corny, but it sure took you by surprise. Right before you can say anything, the smell of sulfur fills your nose.

“A daisy? Really? A country full of roses wouldn’t even get close to the beauty you have in front of your eyes, Pietro” Kurt said as he shook his head in disapproval, taking the little flower to take a closer look at it, before putting it again back over your ear.

“C’mon, Kurt! It was a harmless compliment” Pietro excused himself shrugging. “Can you blame me after all?” he said looking at you, straight in the eye before leaving. You tried to avoid eye contact, but you kept it long enough to make Kurt notice and get concerned about it.

Kurt looked a little down, maybe still concerned you could develop feelings for Pietro. You held his hand and gave him a little hug. “Next time, we’ll teach him not to mess with us, handsome… And thank you very much for that compliment. That was very sweet” you blushed again, more intense this time. Kurt smiled and kissed you softly.

“Show him” he said in a rather dark way before chuckling.

“Kurt! Guys! WAIT!” Kitty yelled across the hall as she reached over to you two. “Listen, I overheard Pietro and Scott saying he would try to kiss you to make Kurt lose it. Scott bet he wouldn’t and now it’s more than just personal… I just wanted to keep you guys warned” Kitty finished.

“If he touches you, I promise I’ll splat his ugly face all over zhe floor and use his horrible gray hair to mop the bathroom!” Kurt said, hissing. You raised a hand, which caught his attention. A mean look crossed your face. “I’ve got this. And after today, he’ll never bother us again” you told him with a mean grin, holding his hand.

As you and Kurt chatted with some other X-Men, Pietro rushed over to make a little chaos there before showing everyone a picture taken of him kissing you at high speed while he made a mess there.

“In your face, Summers!” he bragged over to Scott, and pretty much everyone who heard.

“It doesn’t count! It was made fast!” Scott said to defend himself.

“You knew the conditions! I do everything fast!” Pietro bragged once more.

And then, it was the perfect moment to strike back.

“Well, I guess that explains why you can’t keep a girlfriend satisfied, Quicksilver…” you said loud enough to make everyone near aware of your comment.

Pietro looked over at you, embarrassed and flustered. There was no way out right now. Blushing to the very tip of his gray hair, he ran away to somewhere else.

“Told you I could handle it” you smirked at Kurt, proud of your skills.

“And I told you I love you, liebling” he said wrapping his arm around your shoulders, and his tail around your leg.

[Request by @queenbae22. Thank you! Hope you enjoy it! :D]

[[Requests are open]]

inkandparchmentandmagic  asked:

Hey I just wanted to say that I love your blog and it makes my shitty days better because it always has what I'm looking for. So super props! I was wondering if you could update the BAMF Stiles tag and if there are any non-human Stiles fics. Thanks you are so wonderful!

aw thank you! you’re such a sweetheart <3 (here is our nonhuman!stiles tag)

Spirit of the Forest by Yggdrastiles (hauntedsilences) (1/1 | 3,514 | PG13)

Set right after Boyd’s death. Derek needs comforting and hugs and someone who understands. Derek needs all the nice things, can’t we agree? Stiles thinks so too.

Excuse me sir, but I think a dingo ate my cameraman by ElisAttack ( 2/2 | 10,829 | PG13)

Stiles is living the high life. He has a great job, an amazing roommate, and a new best friend. But when said best friend goes missing after a night of drunken shenanigans, everything goes to shit. And for some reason, Stiles seems be the only one who cares that his grumpy boss is also missing.

Or the one where Stiles finds the best dog ever and adopts him, much to said dog’s reluctance.

Out of the Darkness by izzbella91 (1/1 | 6,401 | R)

Post-season 3b. Stiles is having a difficult time recovering after the Nogitsune. He is constantly plagued by reminders of what he did and is overwhelmed with guilt. All he can think to do is to continue to fight and kill any monster he comes across. But, despite the fact that he is content with his self-destruction, his friends won’t stop protecting him. And, of all people, it’s Derek Hale who starts getting through to him, albeit by unconventional means. Stiles/Derek slash but also includes some mention of Stiles/Malia. Dark fic. TW: suicidal thoughts, depression, some consent issues.

FYI this ignores the events of seasons 4 and 5. Compliant with the ending of season 3.

Masks by Inell (1/1 | 7,570 | NC17)

Stiles has to attend a masquerade ball as the McCall representative despite the fact that he distrusts the Hales and certainly doesn’t want to honor them. When he meets a handsome stranger in a private alcove, the evening starts looking up. Of course, it’s just his luck that his plans for a one night stand don’t turn out that way at all.

Humans Can Be (Monsters) Too by stereks_fifth_nipple (1/1 | 1,656 | R)

Rated Mature because the subject matter is a school shooting.

Stiles and his friends have been to Hell and back, they had fought for their lives time and time again. So of course the idea of a school shooting never crossed Stiles’ mind.

Lose Your Soul by TonyStarkIsARobot (1/1 | 1,588 | R)

Stiles isn’t weak. Stiles isn’t slow.

Stiles is deadly.

Stiles is a secret.

Stiles is the forest.

Magic Boy Wonder and His Misfit Pack by WolfyBitter (ZeraHenna) (1/? | 2,868 | R)

“Well, then, welcome to the apocalypse! Or whatever. People found out the supernatural was a thing. Of course, you know us Americans. Our unofficial motto is ‘if you don’t understand it, shoot it.’ Humans are on one side of the states, we’re on another.”

Peter sniffed, and then raised an eyebrow. “You’re human, Stiles.”

Stiles fixed at him with a big, unblinking stare. “Not so much, no.”


Mabel Pines Appreciation Week - Day 2: Favorite AU ~ Relativity Falls

Summary: After finally getting her brother back from the portal that swallowed him thirty years ago, Mabel can’t sleep. Neither can her nephew, Stanley.

For my first Mabel Pines Appreciation Week contribution, I’m showing my love for the Relativity Falls AU, specifically Grauntie Mabel. Takes place after A Tale of Two Stans - or A Tale of Two Pines, as it would be in this universe, I guess.

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anonymous asked:

We probably have different definitions for pack moms. Alligators are not snugly sweaters but fierce and protective moms. When they don't eat their babies. Er, my point was somewhere along the line of I like pack mom Stiles where he is fierce and protective, because he is a sarcastic bamf and that doesn't have to equate to cuddly and nurturing? You are awesome anyhow, hope you have good day today!

I kind of want to take some excerpts from “pack mom Stiles” fic to use as examples, but I’m not going to call out specific fics on a trope I dislike.

That said, “pack mom Stiles” is almost exclusively used, in my experience, to tag fics where Stiles is the snuggly sweetheart. Where Isaac comes to Stiles with tears in his glistening blue eyes because someone made fun of him for being an orphan or because Derek was too harsh at training, and Stiles hugs him and pats his angelic curly hair until he feels better (pack mom Stiles and weirdly emotional, almost child-like Isaac often go together for some reason). Where Erica comes by worried because she can’t get Boyd to like her, and Stiles offers her cookies and sage advice. Where Stiles is the instigator of nightly pack piles because everyone knows Stiles cuddles are the best cuddles. Where he’s, more or less, everyone’s favorite, everyone’s go to to talk through a crisis, the one who holds the pack together and their emotional anchor.

Basically “pack mom Stiles” tends to fall into the role of a traditional, stay at home mom while Derek is the emotionally distant provider, the “pack dad.”

Like I said, Stiles is loyal and a fierce defender of his friends, and if that somehow equates to pack mom then ok, but that seems more like a “BAMF Stiles” or… I don’t know, “good friend Stiles” tag than anything to do with mothering the pack.

Alligators can be mothers, but I’m not sure what traits about them (or about Stiles) would constitute a “pack mom.”