A familiar voice wakes you from your slumber, your sight blurry, your hands tied to a chair and your head pounding. You blink a few times before you raise your head, your eyes focusing on the dark haired man bending over in front of you; Lucien Castle. Fantastic.
You groan and roll your eyes at him which makes him smile.
Y/N: “Wipe that cocky grin off your face.”
Lucien: “Oh, but it works wonders with the ladies! I flash this magical smile and they are done for. Works each time. Wouldn’t you agree?”
He smiles as genuine as he possibly can, and you would have believed him, if you would not be aware of the vicious snake lingering beneath his disguise.
Y/N: “Jesus. Could you be more vain? All I want to do when I see that “magical” grin of yours is punch it into oblivion”
Lucien chuckles and squats down.
Lucien: “You are not scared at all, are you?”
Y/N: “Why should I? This is not the first time I got shanghaied you know. Besides, you don´t scare me. If you´d intended to kill me, I’d be dead by now. So the question is, why am I really here?”
His eyes travel over you for a second, stopping at your eyes.
Lucien: “Huh. Now I see why Nik is so taken with you, Y/N. You’re smart, strong and extraordinarily beautiful. A rare combination.”
Hate me if you want but I wanna talk about it. Or at least get this out.
From 2014 to 2016, I was emotionally and sexually involved with a man who is in a relationship. For the first 6 months, I was completely unaware of it. But after I found out, I didn’t end it. It fucked with me emotionally of course but nevertheless, I stayed. He was everything I wanted…. Correction, he is everything I want. He challenges me mentally. He teaches me. He tells me when I’m wrong. He lifts me when I’m down. He knows about my depression and does not treat me differently. We have intellectual conversations on a level that I’ve never had with someone I’ve been connected to. He reminds me of my dad. I see myself in him. I see myself with him. I love his ambition. I love his drive. I love being in his presence. Simply sitting near him gives me the greatest calm I’ve ever experienced. I’ve opened up to him emotionally more than any other person I’ve been involved with. He’s sweet. He’s beautiful. He’s everything.
And he’s engaged to be married…. I didn’t find out until nearly 6 months after…. (This doesn’t excuse what I did at all. I’m just saying it because it breaks my heart.)
Wtf have I done to myself?
I ended things at the beginning of the year because his fiance gave birth to his child. I was not about to be the person who could potentially tear a father away from his son. We have enough of that in our community. I could no longer contribute to the heartbreak and unhappiness of another black woman… I also did it for me. There’s no future in this. If I'ma be in pain emotionally, I’d rather be in pain on my own. I still feel guilty though. I made a decision to stay with a man that was not mine. I made the decision to reduce myself to something that I am not. I made the decision to hurt another black woman. I’ve been hurt that way before… Why tf would I want that to happen to someone else…..
Now I’m doing a LOT of self evaluation. Clearly something has gone awry in me that allowed me to participate in such a situation and I HAVE to correct it. I have to heal myself so that I don’t allow myself to be taken advantage of. So that I don’t give myself lower than what I deserve. So that I don’t treat myself lower than what I am worth. This was all me. And I’m learning that it’s not him I have to forgive. I have to forgive me. I have to stand up and decide not to walk in the footsteps my mother left before me. I’m going to create a new path. I’m going to walk in a direction no woman in my family has ever walked. I will no longer operate beneath who I am….
A/N:@lazyneonmonster inspired me to write a smutty prequel to another fic, and I was like “Hell yeah, lets do it.” (as usual when smutty requests involves Brett.) Also, this was supposed to be a sweet, fluff/smut fic, but on the other hand, nah. *scoffs*
I know the general’s friendship and gratitude for you, My Dear Hamilton, both are greater than you perhaps imagine. I am sure he needs only to be told that something will suit you and when he thinks he can do it he certainly will. Before this campaign I was your friend and very intimate friend, agreable to the ideas of the World. Since my second voyage, my sentiment has increased to such a point, the world knows nothing about. To shew both from want and from scorn of expressions I shall only tell you.
To Alexander Hamilton from Marquis de Lafayette, 28 November 1780
What is the most beautiful thing you've ever seen/heard? (poems, pictures, anything)
wow there is so many beautiful things I have seen. let me come up with a few:
Qur’an and Sunnah and everything Islam related (there’s more than I can mention subhanAllah)
The first time I have truly understood Surah Ikhlas, it was so mindblowing. one really understand why it is wrothy 1/3 of the Qur’an
Verses of the Qur’an about Taqwa and Allah describing Himself, mainly makkan surah’s are really dear to me heart because they make me see Allah with it (for more check out roadtofalah.tumblr).
a very important and beautiful dua from Yusuf (as)
my dad mentions this verse to me since I was little.
The Prophet (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said,
“Allah the Most High
said, ‘I am as My servant thinks (expects) I am. I am with him when he
mentions Me. If he mentions Me to himself, I mention him to Myself; and
if he mentions Me in an assembly, I mention him in an assembly greater
than it. If he draws near to Me a hand’s length, I draw near to him an
arm’s length. And if he comes to Me walking, I go to him at speed.’”
The Prophet (Sallallahu a’laihi wa sallam) said,
“What have I to do with
the world? In connection with the world, I am just like a rider who
sits under the shade of a tree, then goes off and leaves it.” [Tirmidhi –
hadith 2377; Ibn Majah – hadith 4109; Musnad Ahmad – hadith 1/391]
The Messenger of Allah (sal-Allahu alayhi wa-sallam – peace be upon him) said,
you did not commit sins, Allah would sweep you out of existence and
replace you by another people who would commit sins, ask for Allah’s
forgiveness and He would forgive them.” (reported by Muslim).
Pavana is one of my all time fac writer (ig: mazadohta)
Nayyirah Waheed’s poems are co calm and soft.
Art (my fav painter is Monet)
beautiful Islamic illustrations:
“Be, and it is”
Photography (my fav pictures always show humans in a peaceful scenery)
Max are you sure you're okay? You seem a bit, off. Wouldn't you prefer a blue hoodie instead of your white one?
“I’ve never felt better! If it’s wrong for me to be this happy, I don’t care! Daniel says that feelings beat facts any day!” The last question seemed to upset him. “Blue…” His neck cracked and his smile grew more forced. “Blue is a colour of confidence and integrity. Something that…” he paused, forcing the smile more. “As I said, feelings are greater than facts, and white is a colour of purity and innocence, not one of facts! White reflects the light, not the truth!” An unknown emotion danced in his eyes at the last thought. His smile never faded, but something seemed to be bothering him.
The most romantic thing anyone has ever said: "Who better qualified to oversee the building of the New World than Thomas?" NOt just the building of Nassau, or New Providence Island... no, the whole damn NEW WORLD-- give it to his boyfriend! Be more obviously in love, James <3
yes!! especially when you remember how earlier he was saying ‘put a man on an island, give him power over other men, and it won’t be long before he realises that the limits of that power are nowhere to be seen. And no man, given that kind of power, will remain honest for very long’ - he thought that ‘the atlantic ocean, a hundred years of history, and human nature’ were what prevented an honest man being made governor - and now?? he thinks that Thomas is greater than?? all these things?????? i mean holy shit????????? he’s so fucking in love?????????????
look like a bunch of gorillas, bumping, grinding, groaning in this little
jungle that was this house whose owners were probably away on a trip for the
weekend, leaving the baby gorilla alone. But gorillas live in packs, and drink
in packs, and the male gorillas cat call the female ones in packs, ugh… senior
are gross. And you, the freshman, the little domesticated chimp monkey, can’t
say a thing about this, you can only smile and hope this torture ends soon.
Jaehee asks you, helping you zip the pleated skirt in the back.
“I would be
too.” Wow, such a great motivator. “I mean… this is part of the rush, right?
Getting nervous… if you weren’t feeling anything, it would be a problem.” Oh…
that actually makes sense.
you’re right.” You smile and look straight at her through the mirror. “How do I
greater than I would expect. When Saeyoung said he would dress you as a
schoolgirl, I was so scared, but this… is very cute. So you look cute”
Jaehee.” You two smile at each other, like good friends.
just to… make it clear, about that conversation we had, you…”
worry, I… I don’t have feelings for Zen, if that’s what you’re wondering.” She
widens her eyes and opens her mouth, but… doesn’t say anything. Weird.
guess you’re ready to go, I’ll… see how the guys are going with setting the
instruments.” Oh… why do you have the feeling this had nothing to do with Zen?
matter, forget Zen, forget that Jaehee used to have feelings for Zen, focus on
getting on that stage and performing for the gorillas. Gosh… it is terrifying,
it’s the first time that you will introduce yourself as the vocalist of Mystic
Messenger. It’s official!
out of the bathroom where you were changing, only to find Yoosung leaning on
the wall next to the door. Was he waiting for you?
“MC, hey! I…
I wanted to… walk you to…” his eyes roam over you, his face gets as read as
your pleated skirt. “You look great, MC.”
I feel so… weird.”
shouldn’t! You… you look… amazing.” And he looks away, surprised by how loud he
spoke. “Can I walk you there? I already set my keyboard.”
The two of
you move towards the living room, you glance quickly at him, noticing his hands
are shaking a little. Is he stage frightening? Or is he… nervous because of
you? Why would he be? He wasn’t like that when you sang A Thousand Miles
together, and he definitely wasn’t like this when he tried to teach you how to
whistle. Is it because of the outfit?
“I want to
sing Oops with you, MC!” he says all of a sudden.
talked to Jaehee and Jumin and they said we could have a duet together, I… sing
as well as Zen, don’t you think?”
“You do, of
course. But… why such a sudden decision?”
“I… I think
it would be great because our voices sound good together, and… it would be the…
romantic song… and… I think I suit this romantic side more than Zen, and…
people would slow dance to this song.” He really thought about it, huh?
“I see. Are
you trying to show your romantic side to someone here?” you tease, knowing he
would do exactly this flustered expression, you’re so mean!
“I… I, yes,
I… maybe.” Oh…? Really now? You didn’t expect him to be so honest…
is somebody he likes here? You look around taking a chance to check some of the
girls hanging there before the show starts, they’re all seniors… well, it’s not
exactly surprising he would like older girls, you got that vibe ever since
you heard the way she talked to… Rika.
Oh… Rika, she’s a senior, this is a senior’s party, Rika is here somewhere. So…
is Rika the girl he’s trying to show his romantic side? But she’s his cousin,
but she has a boyfriend, but… she’s weird. But… he looks so confident, you
don’t want to ruin this for him, do you?
nobody opposed, I won’t as well.” Did it sound bitter? Ugh… you don’t want to
Let’s go and our best!” you tap his shoulder friendly, ugh, anyone else would
see how uncomfortable you just got, not him, because he’s too sweet for this,
In the moment
you step on the back of the impromptu stage, Saeyoung runs to hug you. You’ve
kinda got used to it now, he acts like the mother of the bride everytime he saw
you trying his creations.
so fine! I’m such a genius!” Yes, this is more about him than about you, that’s
why you don’t mind too much. “Guys, behold this, look like he school girl
uniform evokes the exy sweetness of Britney Spears circa 1999, how the ripped
details show MC’s personality on it, and how red is the greatest color ever
created by the nature. Can I get an amen, Saeran?” see? He’s talking about his
whatever, dude.” And he looks away, the red of his hair apparently slipped down
“You did a
good job.” Jumin states. “Okay, this is it. This is the official presentation
card, I made sure we’re being filmed and this will be posted on youtube, that
way our rivals we’ll see what we’re capable of before the Winter Festival in
two weeks. I expect nothing but the best from everybody.”
don’t forget this is a party, people want to have fun, so… entertain them, don’t
take this too serious. Make’em laugh.” Jaehee smiles, oh… Singing in the Rain
reference? Good one. “Take places, everyone.”
your legs and arms to loosen up, like some actors do before going on stage for
a play. Should you do more vocal warming? Nah, you did it a lot in the
bathroom, Jaehee was even laughing at you… relax, have fun… this is kinda
ironic coming from Jaehee, she always looks tense, well… not that day in the
record store… what did she want to say
before? Did she want to tell you she still has feelings for Zen? What about Zen?
Was he trying to flirt with you that day in the nursery? Definitely, he flirts
with everything that breathes, according to Saeyoung, when you were trying on
the ruffled dress in Yoosung’s bathroom… Yoosung, he likes Rika. And Rika is
here somewhere, watching you take her place as the band’s vocalist. The band!
make your way to the stage, you feel an arm blocking your way… Jumin!
you sound as good as you look. Break a leg.” He says giving you a side look
before passing the strap of the bass over his shoulder and neck.
dim a little, did Jumin provide all the lightening equipment? He must be really
rich… Focus! You take a deep breath and look at Zen, standing to your right and
giving his usual smile, you read his lips. “You got this, babe.” You give him
the thumbs up nervously.
There is no
curtain, but you feel like it just fell. You hear Saeran beating the sticks
against each other behind you. 1… 2… 1…2…3…4!
Jumin can be
a dick sometimes, but he made such a good set list! Opening with The Strokes was
genius! (it was Saeran’s idea, but let’s pretend it wasn’t) Then there was the
old school selection, Bon Jovi, Journey and… Meatloaf. Too bad he didn’t have a
mic next to him, you wanted so bad to listen him singing “Paradise by the
But Zen was
singing with you, and Zen is phenomenal! Such a presence, be careful or he’ll
outshine you, you’re the vocalist here, don’t let people forget that. Well, the
outfit Saeyoung put on you definitely drives the attention to you, it was
clever putting you in red and everybody else in more neutral colors…
moved to some more pop rock songs, most of them chose by Zen and Jaehee. You
noticed the crowd got really excited with the duet between you and Zen on Everybody
Talks by Neon Trees. Probably because he
looked more excited too singing something he, not Jumin, chose.
noticed Jaehee running to place a mic next to Yoosung , she was fast, and it
was impressive how she was able to get on that stage in order to solve something
without hesitating! Yoosung and you killed in the Oops duet, you could see a
lot of girls weren’t expecting to listen to Little Mix coming from a pretense
rock band, and they loved it! Yoosung whistling was… adorable. You woudn’t be
surprised if some girl were squealing because of him, not because of the song.
Mission accomplished for him? Where’s Rika?
songs, chosen by you, Yoosung and Saeyoung. It was a good chance to Sayoung
show what he could do to the pick-ups. And… well, it is your favorite genre, so…
you probably sound more comfortable singing them.
song was your choice. “I Really Like It” by Adore Delano, you sang it smirking remember
how half of them didn’t know who she was, and the other half was excited for
your choice. Saeran hated it, but… his drums line sound really great on this
song, you must admit.
no curtains, you just imagined them closing. Your chest was rising and falling
so hard you could feel your heart beating in your throat.
amazing, babe!” Zen grabs you by the waist when you two meet behind the stage
and spin you around in the air. “You were… ugh, why didn’t you never speak up
in the musical theatre club, we could have survived if you played Maria in West
it, but thanks, Zen!” you say, trying to shrug it off the fact that he had you
in his arms a few seconds ago.
really glad to have you here, MC. You are everything I could want on a band
mate and on… a friend.”
Zen. You’re amazing too.”
“I… I was
What are you doing? Don’t look so interested, he’ll think you are… interested
would like to…” oh God! “be my partner on the beer pong.” Oh… god… how come you’re
relieved and frustrated at the same time?
“I… I would
love to, Zen, I…” you see Jaehee talking to Jumin while they finish wrapping
the equipment up. Jaehee… “Why don’t you ask Jaehee? I heard she is great at
But… what about you?”
“Me? Oh, I…
I’m not good at… beer pong. And if I were, I would… probably make a team with…
Yoosung.” He looks at you, then at Yoosung, then at you again…
it.” Did he? “Well, Yoosung must be a good… beer pong partner.” Oh, he did. And
this isn’t about beer pong anymore, is it? “Well, let me know if… it doesn’t
work out with him. I… should help Jaehee, see you at the party in a few
minutes, babe.” And he walks away from you.
wasn’t like he was really flirting with you. Look at him, look at you, Zen is
the kind of person who’s nice to everything that breathes, he’s not necessarily
flirting, and he probably wasn’t with you. But, for added measure, and in order
not to hurt Jaehee, pushing him away was probably a good idea.
Yoosung’s name to the table, on the other hand, wasn’t. What if Zen says
something to him? Well, it was the only way to push Zen away without hurting
him, right? He’ll probably get mad you
suggested there is something between you two when he likes someone else, no,
not just someone else, the previous vocalist of the band, his cousin, the weird
girl who cornered you and intimidated you for no apparent reason.
Thanks for agreeing on the duet with me!” he greets you when you finish getting
changed to your usual clothes in the bathroom door. “I… really think we make a
“I agree. I
hope you liked showing your romantic side to the girl you like.”
“Oh, I hope
she liked more.” He chuckles nervously. “Do you… do you think she liked?”
would be crazy if she didn’t, but… can I be honest with you, Yoosung?”
careful, okay? You could end up really hurt if your feelings are… unrequited.”
feelings are… unrequited, MC?”
wouldn’t know, but… be careful, okay?” he widens his eyes and looks away for a
while, as he is processing what you said, then he smiles softly.
for being honest with me.”
welcome.” You smile. Whew… he apparently got what you were trying to say. Good.
you outside, MC.” He puts his hands on the pockets of his jacket and turns
around, and you sigh in relief, knowing you did the right thing in order to
protect such a sweet guy’s feelings.
As you make
your way to leave the hallway and go meet your band mates outside, you hear
laughs echoing down the hallway, they belong to these two seniors stumbling
against each other. Drunk gorillas, gross.
“Hey, if it
isn’t the schoolgirl! Hi, cutie! Are you a naughty student?”
“I got to
detention before, so watch out.” The reason was because you called a classmate
a “muggle”, since the teacher didn’t know Harry Potter, he sent you to
detention. But the gorillas don’t have to know that, they need to think you’re
feisty! You are a naughty girl! Don’t you know naughty girls get punished?” Ugh…
now the gorilla number two got into some Christian Grey bullshit, for God’s
“I do, but
thanks for reminding me. See you, gentlemen.” You say trying to run out of
there, but one of them grabs your hand and slam you against the wall. Ouch! You
hit your head on it, but the pain isn’t as bad as facing this gross guy so
close to you, his hands holding your wrists roughly, shit… everybody knows what
happens in parties like this, you nerve thought you were joining the statistics
of raped girls. Don’t look at him, don’t cry! Don’t… shit!
alone.” You and the guys look at the end of the hallway. Saeran is there. Ah,
great… prepare yourself for the lecture about being careful with men, that if
you manage to escape from your cruel destiny…
beat the shit out of you.”
be fun to see you try, baby boy. We’re two, we’re older, you’re just a little
twig.” Both guys laugh. You watch as Saeran’s face expression doesn’t change at
all. “So what are you going to do?”
this.” He takes a metallic pointy object out of his jacket. A knife? No… just a
razor, but still… pretty dangerous. And the look on his eyes look really scary…
dude! There’s no need for that. We’re just… we’re just drunk, and she… she is
with us, ain’t it right?”Is he… is he asking you?
couldn’t be, she’s with me.” Saeran fidgets the razor in his hand. “And I’ll
show you assholes what happen when you mess with my friend.” He’s inches away
from you and the other guy, and… he really looks like a twig next to them.
But he is
an armed twig, and the drunken gorillas step away, telling they don’t want any
trouble. They even apologize, to Saeran, not to you, though.
realize how harsh it was the grip around your wrists when you’re free, feeling
them lighter somehow.
okay? Did they…?”
timing was perfect.” You say, rubbing your wrists. “I… know what you’re gonna
say, but… let me just thank you before
you start blaming me for what happened and…”
your fault. Don’t say stupid things.” So great at comforting and insulting at
the same time… “I should have cut them just a little, though.”
would end up at the police station, so… I’m glad you didn’t. Thank you, Saeran.”
And that is the first time you call his name.
Oh, and… MC?” and that is the first time he calls yours.
for what I said that other day.” Oh… are you sure this isn’t Saeyoung pretending
to be Saeran? He would totally do something like this, wouldn’t he? No, but the
twins are very different, you can tell who is who without thinking much. And
who saved you right now is Saeran.
“I would be
such a bitch refusing your apology after what you did for me…”
He scoffs. See? It’s Saeran.
apology accepted.” You smile. Yes, you’re smiling at Saeran, how is that even
possible? Not even you know as you pass beside him trying not to furrow your
eyebrows in confusion, but then… you remember something. “Saeran?”
would ever be that idiot to fight for me, right?” he widens his eyes a little,
then low his head, chuckling, you can almost see what he’s thinking “Well played, bitch.”
played, bitch.” Ahá! Who cares if he called you a bitch? You were right!
get the chance to see that party, and… well, a bunch of gorillas doing gorilla
stuff. Maybe you’re too young to appreciate this for now. Jumin and the twins
were nowhere to be seen, Yoosung was talking to a cute senior, maybe she was
Rika’s friend? And Jaehee and Zn were playing beer pong, no way you’re gonna be
a third wheel on this. Time to go home and try not to think too much of what could have happened if Saeran wasn’t there to save your chimp monkey ass…
I am as my servant thinks (expects) I am. I am with him when he mention Me. If he mention Me to himself, I mention him to Myself; And if he mentions Me in an assembly, I mention him in an assembly greater than it. If he draws near to Me a hand’s length, I draw near to him an arm’s length. And if he comes to Me walking, I go to him at speed
i made him into something greater than he was.
i made that boy into a sunset, a mountain, a rainstorm. i equated his skin to silk and warmth and sunlight. i compared his smile to the only happiness i had, to those songs you hear that give you goosebumps. i made his love into water, into something i couldn’t live without, something lovely and endless and beautiful.
but he was a just a boy. and that was my mistake.
he was just a boy.