he did promise

mary constantly says shit like “people have forgotten that these are ricks books”

and who tf is he writing for??? exactly???

and Who TF did he promise to listen to about representation exactly??????

The wedding vlog with Phichit

Phichit: Wedding vlog!! Come see my best friend marry his childhood crush in the extravaganza of the century! And with me today is my main man Chris!

Chris, sipping martinis at 11am: I’m so proud of Victor for finding a man ready to accept his receding hairline.

Phichit: Let not male pattern baldness stand in the way of true love! Let’s go!

*dabs*

*cut*

Priest: Look, you’re going to have to shorten your vows. I’ve got another wedding at 3.

Victor, holding a five inch thick wad of notes, outraged: This is the abridged version.

*cut*

Yakov: Ladies and Gentleman, I give you the grooms!

*Victor and Yuuri walk out of the church arm in arm, beaming.*

*crowd cheers*

Yurio: *aims his flower petals directly at JJ’s face*

*cut*

Phichit: Hey handsome, I caught the bouquet! Want to be in my video?

Seung-gil, off camera: Did you specifically ask to sit next to me?

Phichit, whispers: It was fate.

Chris, to Seung-gil: I saw him texting Yuuri.

Phichit, sliding in close to Seung-gil: Fate…

*cut*

Yuuri: Oh my god who installed a pole at my reception??!

Chris, toasting Victor: You’re welcome.

*Victor, tearing up* * Chris winks at the camera like he’s on The Office*

*cut*

Yuuri: I thought that was a bachelor’s night special!

Phichit, handing him champagne: It’s too early to say.

*cut*

Phichit and Chris: As joint best men for our speech, before we got on to embarrassing university stories, we thought we’d talk about the qualities that make Victor and Yuuri such a great couple.

*brings up a powerpoint*

Phichit: Ass.

Chris: Booty.

Phichit: The male form. 

*slides change*

Chris: Now as we can see from this shot, Yuuri is blessed with ample…

Yuuri: I don’t know what else I expected tbh. Victor, more champagne please.

Victor, lovestruck, bewitched, missing Yuuri’s glass and pouring it on his lap: Yes darling!

*cut*

Yuuri: Have you seen Victor? After we cut the cake he was crying and said he had to go thank Jesus or something??

Yurio, coming into the room: … you guys are not going to believe this.

*cut to outside shot of Victor clinging to the church spire, pants off, waving his cake at the sky*

Victor, screaming: I’M GAY! THANK YOU JESUS!!!

Yurio, yelling: YOU’RE DRUNK.

Victor: Good point. I’m gay AND drunk, THANK YOU JESUS!!!!!!

Yuuri, tears in his eyes: I love him so much.

*cut*

Phichit: Ok I may have had a little too much and flirted with that fireman.

Chris: You asked him to douse you with his special hose. It was incredible.

Phichit: At least they rescued Victor.

*cut*

Phichit, crying softly: Don’t forget me on your honeymoon!

Yuuri: Don’t worry, I’ll think of you every time I ask Victor to douse me with his special-

Phichit: NO!!!

Victor: I’m not sure how to feel about that.

Chris: Well he did just promise you a blow jo-

Victor, blushing, visibly excited, grabbing Yuuri and slamming the car door: WE’RE GOING NOW BYE.

*cut*

Phichit: So, how was the wedding for you?

Milla: The open bar was great except… Yurio got in.

*Yurio runs past on all fours, growling and spitting*

*cut*

Seung-gil: … how did this ring get on my finger?

Phichit: Don’t you worry your gorgeous head about it, you lily soft love muffin. 

*cut*

Michele: I think Victor went on his honeymoon pants-less…

*cut* 

Chris: We should’ve asked the firemen to help clean…

*pan out onto an empty room, tables messy with plates and glasses, streamers everywhere, Yurio is asleep on the ground, there is a small fire in one corner and Victor’s pants flutter from the chandelier*

Phichit: Worth it.

History of YOI fandom

As a YOI fandom grandparent, I felt it was my duty to write out all the fandom explosions for the newer fans who weren’t there to witness the big bang and gradual week-by-week creation of this universe. All the arguments, people blowing things out of proportion, blaming characters, death theories, awesome fans clearing up miscommunications, YOI breaking the internet… 

This isn’t a post to call out specific people on their arguments and theories - I’ll stay respectfully away from restarting flames and picking fights, thankyouverymuch. Rather, this is an overview of the topics and conflicting views that swept across hundreds and thousands of people and prompted strong reactions. I’m doing this now, because I know that 6 months later, 1 year later, 3 years later, etc. there will be new fans who will have many of the same exact arguments. We’ve been there and done that. I see fans now who say things without knowing where the spelling/quote comes from, or who don’t realize how much has changed, or don’t know why there are certain perceptions of characters. So here’s a little bit of passing down history.

I also don’t want to forget the crazy ride this was. Laugh with me at the silly theories; smile with me at how deeply YOI has impacted our lives.
For those of us old-timers, let’s take a trip down memory lane. Remember when…

—————-
(Large arguments will be italicized or bold. Special thanks to @sachiro for reminding me of a bunch of stuff I missed, and looking over the draft in its various stages of being written and edited.)

Pre-series

  • Idea that there would be a love triangle (Yuri P.–Yuri K.–Victor)
  • Some fans started spelling Yuri Katsuki with two “u” in order to tell them apart.
  • Victuri ship name created for Victor x Yuri K. (in a comment to the PV)
  • The title
    • “lol ‘Yuri’ on Ice? Where are all the lesbians?”
    • “When it said Yuri on Ice, I thought we would get girls. Y’know what I mean?”
    • “Yuri on Ice? More like Yaoi on Ice! amiright?”
    • etc.
  • J.J. misspelling (English spelling “Jean Jack” instead of French Canadian “Jean-Jacques”)
    • you can see the remnants of this in the audience banners during the episodes, but it was corrected to “Jean-Jacques” on the official website and the in-show text
  • Phichit x Seung-gil ship created (there was more art for this than for Victor x Yuuri)

Episode 1

  • Victor vs. Viktor spelling arguments 
    • Although “Victor” is the official spelling and seen in-show, people argued that the creators are wrong and that we fans know better than them about Russian culture - thus the “Viktor” spelling was born.
    • People argued back that spelling is subjective and you can spell a name multiple ways and still be correct - thus transliterating his Russian name into English as “Victor” would be just as acceptable.
    • The YOI wiki held fast for a time on using official spellings and information from the official website, but the transition of power led to a new team that started using agreed-upon info rather than solely using official info. “Viktor” replaced “Victor” on the website.
      • this change from “Victor” to “Viktor” on the wiki happened around episode 2~3, but the arguments were in the page comments since episode 1 – with moderators explaining their reasoning with sticking to official sources.
  • Victor is a flirtatious over-the-top character who will seduce Yuuri
  • Victor is the overwhelming seme and Yuuri is the shy whimpering uke.

Keep reading

6

a cutie with a beret for @byunlucid

3

Mistakes were made. And worse is that you failed to keep the subjects contained and recover them after the initial breach. Now we have potentially dangerous individuals at large. Over 30 of them

And currently we only have budget to surveil one

I often find myself wondering if Jake is okay :/
(ALSO, @richardgoranski Because i legitimately just saw you would love to be tagged in BMC art in general, so here ya go buddy) 

My dearest Historia,

Reiner is standing to my side. He is catching glimpses as I write this letter of my love for you. What a creep, he is never getting a girlfriend. But he did promise me that he would deliver this letter to you. He says he wants to repay me for saving them that day.

I’m sorry for what happened then. I never imagined I would choose them over you. I’ll be dead not long after these words. But I don’t regret anything.

I didn’t have a name. I didn’t know who my parents were, or where they were from. My earliest memory is of being one beggar among many. But one day, a man showed up and gave me a name.

Ever since then, people called me Ymir.

You may not think it’s much of an unusual name, but all I had to do was take it, and then I was given a fine bed and fed meals. That wasn’t all. Those adults who, until then, acted like I was invisible all got on their knees and revered me. As for the man who named me, he began ti dress more and more extravagantly, and as he did, he grew happier.

I felt good, too. All I had to do to make everyone delighted and happy was play the role that I had been given. That’s what I believed. And that’s why I kept playing the part of Ymir.

People had started to call me devil before I knew it; but I still kept playing the part of Ymir.

The man who had given me a name claimed that I had “tricked him.”

Still, I kept playing the part of Ymir.

I thought if that’s what would save them, it would be fine. But…

There are some people in this world who have rocks thrown at them for nothing more than existing. As their symbol, I was stoned from head to toe.

It seems that in this world, it doesn’t mean anything in particular that a simple chunk of flesh can scream and flail.

No.

It doesn’t mean a thing.

That’s why I think the world is so incredible.

I opened my eyes again, and spread before me was freedom.

From there, I began to walk and I lived the way I wanted. I have no regrets.

Or so I’d like to say. But to be honest, I do have one.

You and I still aren’t married.

–Ymir

4

i love the despair designs !

I don’t know about you but this seems highly suspicious after all the cameras following them in NYC and Sehun telling us last year about them wanting to doing another reality show…

BTS Reactions | You catching them naked

You walk in on the boys naked. Cuz you’re not the only one who should have to deal with the embarrassment >_<

Kim Seokjin

Originally posted by wanna-be-korean-unicorn

As you walked into your home you could hear Jin singing around. He always did that, and it was one of the best sounds to get home to. You walked around for a bit, calling out for him as you left your things at the living room table. You heard when he said, ‘just a minute’, but you were so absent minded that it didn’t even register itself in your brain. 

“Jin what are we having for-” as you walked into your room your body came to a halt. 

Jin looked back at you from where he was standing, a smile opening on his lips as he saw your blush from looking at his bare body. 

“I’m so sorry” you exclaimed as you closed the door, running away 

“Wait Baby! Don’t you want to look at my beautiful body?” he snickered as he went after you. 

Kim Namjoon

Originally posted by jjeonguk

“Joon, I really need your help wit-”

He thanked the gods that he was turned around when you first walked into the bathroom. You would definitely mock him if you saw the deep blush on his face. Namjoon heard you inhale and mutter apologies before the door slammed shut behind him. And now he had enough time to get his confidence back. 

As he walked into the living room you were sitting motionless on the couch, your eyes widened at the ground as you tried to process what was going on. But as soon as his large feet speared in your line of sight your head shot up, your eyes landing on something that you had still not seen. 

With a smirk, Namjoon cleared his throat, making you look at his face, “what did you need help with baby? I’m sure it was important” 

Min Yoongi

Originally posted by martina-07

As you walked around the house your head turned from side to side. You groaned as Yoongi was nowhere to be found, he did promise to help you after all. You heard his small hums from his room and went straight for the door, the thought of knocking not even crossing your mind.

As soon as he heard your sharp inhale, he smirked. Even with his back turned towards you, he knew you were blushing. Yoongi turned his head towards you slowly, taking his time, as if he was completely unfazed with the situation. When he was fully faced towards you, you forced your eyes to look at his, your blush deepening as you saw the knowing look he held at you. When he bit down on his lip you were sure that you had a heart attack, but nothing could have prepared you for his words, 

“What are you waiting for baby? Come here”

Jung Hoseok

Originally posted by kpoop

He grabbed his stuff as he walked out the bathroom, his towel in hand as he already finished drying himself. He walked around the house looking for his things, his body moving quickly as he was in a rush. 

You heard him coming out of the shower, a sigh leaving your mouth. You had barely arrived at his house to leave when he was running towards the shower, completely ignoring your presence and the fact that you were late. You groaned once again but as he walked into the living room you gasped

“Omg put some clothes on?” you cried, fake covering your eyes 

At first, he was taken aback by your words, he had completely forgotten about your presence. But he saw your blushing face underneath your hands he couldn’t help but embarrass you further 

“Why, don’t you like it?” he smirked, making you speechless, if only for a moment before he was chuckling and running towards his room to get ready 

Park Jimin

Originally posted by jimiyoong

As soon as you walked into your house, you were running. Damn you needed to rush to get ready and the chaos in your living room just wasn’t helping. You cringed at the thought of having people over with this mess and started wondering why the hell Jimin hadn’t cleaned it up yet. 

You heard shuffling from the bathroom and a low grunt, followed by curses that your boyfriend only says when he’s extremely annoyed. Damn, he was late, just like you, and you needed to rush to get ready. 

Without even bothering to knock you opened the door, your cheeks instantly blushing as you came face to face with Jimin’s rock hard abs, his muscles leading your eyes towards your favorite-

“Couldn’t even wait to see right, baby girl?” Jimin smirked as he saw just how big of an effect he had on you. 

You blushed harder as your eyes met his, but right as he started walking towards you, you ran out of the room

“We do not have time for this Park Jimin!”

Kim Taehyung

Originally posted by dazzlingkai

 Movie night was on and finally, the boys were out so you could do it at Taehyung’s place. He asked you to come in and wait for him in the living room, and soon enough you were hearing your boyfriend humming as he entered the room. 

As soon as he did, your smile flattened, a large blush covering your cheeks as your eyes roamed everywhere over his body. Taehyung noticed you, a smirk opening up on his lips. 

“Oh hi baby” he smiled 

“Why are you naked?!” you shouted, your hands covering up your eyes, at least a little bit 

“Well, it is my house” he pondered, laughing at your state 

“Go get dressed!” you demanded, blushing harder at his smirk 

He stared at you once more, giving you a flirty wink before he chuckled his way towards his room, finally allowing you to breathe.

Jeon Jungkook

Originally posted by jeonwilds

Jungkook stood in front of his closet, contemplating what to wear to your date. He knew that you would be home soon, so he had to rush, but he was just nervous. He needed to look cool, manly, show you that he was not just the baby of the group, but right as he was getting his head in the game, you opened the door

“Kookie are you-“”

Your breath hitched as you came face to face with Jungkook firm ass. This muscles tightened under your gaze, the boy not turning to face as if to hide the blush on his face. But curiosity got the best of him, and when he saw your widened eyes, his confidence came rushing back.

“Are you sure you still want to call me Kookie, baby girl?” He smirked as he turned towards you

May Dragneel

I don’t have a properly title for this, but it’s what it says.

May Dragneel belongs ot @keiid​ . It’s her Zervis daughter.

———

Year X802, Magnolia. Inside a little house, a pink haired man and a black haired little girl were playing a card game.


- You win again, May - said the pink haired man -. I have nothing to invalidate your hand.

- I knew I was going to win since we started playing.

- You really are like your mother.


The little girl smiled. In that moment, the front door opened, and a blonde woman entered in the house.


- Mama! - yelled the little girl while running to the woman.

- Hello sweetie! - said the woman, taking the girl in her arms -. What are you doing here, Natsu?

- Larcade asked me to watch over May - answered Natsu -. He needed to go to a mission.

- Do you know something about Zeref?

- No, nothing. Sorry, Mavis.


May’s face changed when she listened the name “Zeref”. She was mad.


- She’s still mad for what happened a month ago? - asked Natsu.

- She really wanted that fairy doll, and Zeref promised it to her, but…

- I know. I was helping Zeref to find it for a week.

- He’s been missing since that.

- I should go. Lucy will yell at me if I’m late to lunch today.

- Tell me if you know something about Zeref.

- I will.

- Bye, dragon! - yelled May.

-  Bye princess.


Natsu left the house, leaving mother and daughter alone.


- You can’t be mad at your father forever, May.

- He said a Dragneel never breaks it’s promises. He did. I won’t forgive him.


Mavis hugged his daughter. She knew very well how much May wanted that doll.


Later that evening, the door opened slowly. A black haired man entered in the house, trying to not be discovered.


- Zeref Dragneel! - yelled Mavis, seeing the man -. Where have you been this month!?

- It’s long to explain, but short to demonstrate.


Zeref went where May was and put a fairy doll in front of her. She was still mad at him, and didn’t want to look at him, but she looked at the doll.


- That’s not the one I wanted - said May.

- I know. You wanted the black haired doll, not the blonde. But I couldn’t find it anywhere.

- I don’t want that one.

- I have a compensation for that. Can you look at me for a second?


May looked at her father, with anger in her eyes. But her eyes sparkled when she saw what her father had in his hands.


- Now, tell me. Why do you need a fairy doll with black hair when you can be a fairy? - asked Zeref.

- I love you, daddy!


May jumped and hugged Zeref. Then, she took the fairy costume and ran upstairs.


- Well, two promises less - said Zeref.

- You didn’t promise her any fairy costume - said Mavis.

- I promised a fairy to you.

- May is not a fairy, even with a costume.

- Are you sure?


May ran downstairs, with the costume on. Mavis put her hands in her mouth and cried.


- How do I look, mama? - asked May.

- Like a real fairy - answered Mavis.

- I told you - said Zeref -. Our daughter is like a fairy.

- You don’t have anything to say, Zeref?

- Happy late birthday, May.

- Thank you, papa!

home : hs

Request: Yes (this one)

Pairing: Harry Styles x Y/N

Word count: 1,442

Warnings: Cursing (one or two!)

What are you about to read: Y/N getting inked by Harry

Requests open!

Originally posted by tmlnsn

Harry wasn’t a sap. Oh god, he wasn’t. but when it comes to Y/N, he couldn’t help but feel a tad whipped.

It was when he saw his friend Jeff getting a tattoo of his girlfriend’s hometown coordinates on his arm. As much as it seemed creepy and strange, he couldn’t help but letting the idea of having something from Y/N tattooed forever on his body creep into his mind.  

It was after a week when they managed to take some time to themselves and chill at Y/N’s small but cozy apartment in downtown London. They were sat on Y/N’s tiny bed (it was a double sized bed but Harry’s feet were always left outside) and she had her arms around him. He could feel her warm breath on his neck.

“I don’t want them to see my boobs, ‘s all.” He could almost sense her eyebrows furrowing behind him while she continued stroking his biceps.

“Love, they don’t care ‘bout yeh boobs, they only care ‘bout the money they’ll be receiving” Harry shook his head and a few strands fell on his forehead, making Y/N lean over and kiss his forehead from where she was seated behind him.

Harry was slowly regretting the whole tattoo idea. He knew Y/N liked his tattoos and sure, she had a couple of small ones here and there but he wanted to go and get one together. And not because he wanted to get matching ones, Harry wasn’t into that whole idea of getting hearts and flowers with your lover.

Keep reading

Imagine you tried to rob a wizard's tower

The cold stone walls close in on you. There’s fresh, clean straw under you and an empty bucket in one corner. A torch burns resolutely in the hallway. You knew this was a stupid idea. One of the boys in your village convinced you that the wizard is a fraud, that his potions are sugar water and his magical talismans are useless bits of junk. The boy dared you to sneak into the wizard’s tower, steal something, and bring it back. You agreed, but mostly to shut him up. You’re not afraid of the wizard or his alleged power. There’s no such thing as magic, after all.


The wizard’s tower was just outside of the village, at the edge of the forest. If it had any kind of guards or defenders, you’d never seen them. You snuck in through a crack in the wall and looked through shelves of bones and crystals and things you couldn’t even identify, searching for something small enough to slip into your pocket. You were startled by a noise behind you, and even more startled when you turned to look at the source. A little humanlike figure, about the size of a pigeon, sat perched on a shelf and grinned at you. It spread out its batlike wings and said something in a language you’d never heard, a few syllables that echoed strangely in the small room. Everything went black, and when you woke up, you were in a cell.

So here you are, imprisoned. There’s a man looking at you through the barred door. He’s a short and slight, with a neatly trimmed beard. You’ve seen him before, hawking the wizard’s wares in the village market, all smiles and lofty promises as he peddled healing potions and fertility charms. He is not smiling now.

“Why did you invade my tower?” he asks. “Go on, let’s hear it.”

You’ve always assumed that he was actually the wizard’s assistant, or just a hireling. He looks nothing like you’ve always pictured wizards. He’s wearing a look of extreme annoyance and the kind of tunic and trousers that wouldn’t look out of place on the village innkeeper. You don’t know what you expected. Elaborate robes and a long gray beard. For some unknowable reason, you’re unwise enough to say so.

“The robes are only for ceremonial use,” he says. “They are dreadfully uncomfortable. I can’t be bothered to wear them all the time. You break into my home, and now you expect me to walk around draped in all that nonsense just to meet your expectations?”

Lost for words, you can only shake your head.

“And what about you?” he asks, crossing his arms. “Why are you here? I warn you, I won’t take pity on you no matter how heartrending your story is. Your mother’s dying from some horrible disease the healers have never seen before? Is it your sister? Are your crops failing? I rather liked the thief who said he needed a lucky charm so he could win enough gold to pay off his gambling debts. I can imagine how he got into trouble in the first place.”

“A boy in the village dared me,” you admit, and your voice comes out as little more than a whisper. It sounds pathetic even to you. Your heart is pounding and if you weren’t still on the ground, you’d probably collapse anyway. “I only said yes so he’d shut up. I didn’t even take anything. I swear, I’ll never come here again-” You trail off as the words die in your throat.

The wizard closes his eyes and sighs deeply. “Those charms I sell in the market? Those are mere trinkets,” he says. “Little things to keep the villagers happy. You have no idea what I can really do. If you ran off with something really dangerous, you could unleash horrors you can’t even imagine. I mean hellfire raining from the skies, cattle transforming into ravenous beasts. And that would be the least of it. You could end the world.”

“I’m sorry,” you try to say, but it just comes out as a squeaking noise.

He’s still glaring at you, but something in his expression actually seems to soften a little. “Still, you’re honest,” he says. “That’s a rare trait.”

“Are you going to let me go?” you ask.

The little winged creature is sitting on his shoulder. It chitters at you and draws one slender finger across its throat.

The wizard smiles coldly. “Eventually,” he says. “I can’t let intruders just run off on their merry way. You might decide to pay me a return visit. Or tell someone that I’m soft on thievery.” He pulls a bottle out of his pocket and holds it up to the bars. It’s clear glass, with a cork trapping some clear reddish liquid inside. “Here’s the deal. Drink this, endure what’s going to happen to you, and then you can go. Don’t drink it, and you’ll stay locked in this cell forever or until I find another use for you and all those delightful organs of yours. You would not believe what you can do with a human spleen.”

You hesitate. “Endure” is a very scary word, considering your current situation. But he did promise to let you go, and whatever that potion does can’t be worse than staying locked up forever. At least, you hope not.

The potion bottle clinks against cold iron as you pull it through the bars.. It’s heavier than it looks. “What is it?” you ask, studying the contents. “What’s going to happen to me if I drink this?”

“And ruin the surprise? It will hurt,” he says. “It won’t kill you. If I wanted to kill you, I wouldn’t have bothered with the cell or dangling the thought of freedom out in front of you. I’m not that sadistic. Well, I am. But only sometimes.”

It’s still not very reassuring, but what he’s saying makes sense. He hasn’t hurt you so far, besides locking you up. And to be honest, taking his offer is the best option you have available. “Okay,” you say. “I’ll drink it. And then do you swear by the Light that you’ll let me go?”

The wizard is quiet for a moment. “The Light and I are not on particularly good terms,” he says. “But if it puts you more at ease, I swear by the Light that I’ll release you alive and unharmed.”

Somehow, it doesn’t put you at ease at all. But you believe him.

You try to open the potion bottle. The cork’s wedged in tightly and your hands are shaking too hard to pull it out. The little winged creature flutters off the wizard’s shoulder, flies right through the door, and lands beside you. Its agile fingers work the cork out easily, and the creature holds the bottle out to you expectantly. The potion smells like herbs and something you can’t quite identify.

“My familiar will have to stay here to keep you company,” says the wizard. “I can see through its eyes, and it is rather stronger than it appears. I’d advise against trying anything. Now, drink that so I can get back to work.”

Closing your eyes, you swallow the bottle’s contents. It tastes overly sweet and your throat tingles afterwards. You’re tingling all over, actually, and you can feel something shifting deep inside of you. There’s a twinge of pain deep in your belly. “What did I just drink?” you ask, trying to fight off a feeling of impending doom. “What’s happening to me?”

The wizard’s already setting off down the hallway. “You’ll see,” is all he says.

***

The familiar can’t seem to sit still. It paces up and down the length of your cell, occasionally flying out through the walls and back again. Whenever you try the walls they’re solid rock; the familiar must be able to pass through them magically. Once, you get up to try the door but the familiar just chitters at you menacingly. You sit back down and try to ignore the growing ache in your belly.

It started out as a mild annoyance, so slight you thought you were imagining it. Now it feels like someone’s punched you in the belly; not hard, but it hurts enough to be distracting. It feels like hours have passed but aside from the stomachache, nothing else seems to be happening to you. Maybe the potion really was sugar water after all. Or maybe it just didn’t work. You hope it didn’t work. Then the wizard’ll have to let you go just like he promised, right?

Your clothes are getting tighter around your middle. That’s odd. As you reach down to put a hand on your stomach, an icy rush of panic fills you. Your belly’s growing. It’s slow at first, but it soon starts growing faster. Eventually you have to strip out of your clothes just to make room for your new bulk. Once, a woman in the village gave birth to twins, and you’re bigger now than she ever was. You sit with your back against the cold stone wall and watch as you grow bigger and bigger, pinned beneath your own growing belly. Whatever’s inside you, it’s so heavy that you’re not sure you could stand up if you tried to. You run your hands over your belly, oddly fascinated by the feeling of it under your fingers. Your curiosity almost overcomes the fear.

Something slick is running out of you and down your legs to pool in the straw bedding. You wonder what’s inside you, and if it’s close to being born. Some kind of creature? You’ve heard that pregnant women can feel their babies moving, but you don’t feel anything besides a steadily growing weight. So maybe it’s not a creature.

That’s almost comforting. You’ve been imagining all kinds of horrible scenarios. Now you don’t need to worry that there’s some sort of demon beast about to claw its way out of you. Well, you weren’t worried about that before. You’re a little worried now.

All at once you feel a rush of fluid and some immense weight slipping into your passage. All your other thoughts vanish. There’s something inside you and you need to get it out, that’s all you know. You push, but you feel like the thing inside you is barely moving at all. You whimper in pain as you push harder, and you think you can feel it just barely inching its way down your passage.

You can feel your skin bulge outwards as the thing moves downwards one agonizing push at a time. The wizard said it would hurt, but this is so much worse than you feared. You feel tears streaming down your face as you try to force the thing out. You can feel it straining for release at your entrance. It’s barely half out and it’s already stretching you impossibly wide. By the Light, it feels like you’re going to split open. But you don’t, and you watch dumbfounded as an egg slides out of you.

An egg. You’re being held prisoner by a sadistic wizard, and he’s forcing you to lay eggs. It would be almost funny if you weren’t in so much pain right now. You let out a groan as another one enters your passage, begging you to squeeze it out. Again, you start to push, and again, you feel like the egg is barely moving at all. You scream, but it dissolves into helpless sobbing.

This is impossible. That first egg felt bigger than anything you could possibly squeeze out, and who knows how many more you have inside you? The wizard said he’d release you “eventually”. What does that even mean? How long does he expect to keep you here? Hours? Days? Weeks?

The familiar picks up your egg and flies out of the cell with it, apparently having no trouble carrying an object bigger than itself. You wonder where they’re going, what the wizard intends for these eggs. But then you need to push again and the effort drives everything else out of your mind.

The second doesn’t come much easier, but after another exhausting ordeal an egg drops out of you and onto the straw below. And, again, the familiar scoops it up and flies off with it to who knows where. You feel a third egg enter your passage. Then a fourth, a fifth. You’re losing count. All you can do is keep laying eggs and pray that there’s an end in sight.

They start coming faster and faster. After you birth each egg you barely have time to catch your breath before the next one starts working its way out. You barely noticed it through the haze of pain but now you realize that your belly hasn’t been shrinking. In fact, it’s growing. New eggs are forming inside you faster than you can push them out.

A horrible thought occurs to you.

“When I lay them all, that’s it?” you ask the familiar, between gasps. “He’ll let me go?”

The familiar nods excitedly.

“But-” You thought you were out of tears but now you can feel more welling up. You just keep growing more. You’ve been tricked. The wizard lied. He’s never going to let you go. You’ll just stay here in this cell forever, spewing out eggs until you die, wondering when the tide will finally stop. Your throat’s already hoarse, but you scream as another egg starts to slide down your passage.

***

You cry in relief when you notice that your belly is finally shrinking. By the end, the eggs just slide out of you with no resistance; you couldn’t stop them even if you wanted to. Your hole is stretched beyond recognition and every part of you hurts. You lie there in the straw, too spent to move. “Please, let it be over,” you whisper. You’ll never steal anything ever again. You’ll go to the Chapel of the Light every Sun’s Day and pray for forgiveness. You’ll kill the bastard who dared you to come here in the first place.

The wizard steps into view in the hallway as his familiar carries the last egg away. “Normally I give my guests a second or third dose of the ovigenesis potion,” he says, by way of greeting. “But, well, you were honest with me. If you like, you can have this instead.”

The potion in his hands now is one you recognize. It’s one of the milky-pink healing potions he sells in the marketplace. He offers it to you and you drink it down without an argument. It takes effect almost instantly. Your pain fades and you can feel your poor, abused muscles repairing themselves. In a few minutes you feel almost as good as new. Almost.

You were too exhausted to realize that you’re still naked. Naked in front of a strange man who has you locked in a cell. Reflexively, you cover yourself.

The wizard chuckles a little. “I can see through my familiar’s eyes, remember? I’ve seen all you have to offer and I have no prurient interest in your body. To me, you’re just a source of raw materials.”

You really don’t like the way he says that. Your hands stay where they are and you look over at your discarded clothing. Your discarded, wet clothing. Ugh.

“I can clean the…assorted fluids out of your clothes. You know, with magic.” He mutters something and waves his hands. The familiar neatly folds your clothes and lays them on a dry patch of straw. “There we go. Do you have any other pressing needs? A glass of water, perhaps?”

You answer no. Actually, you’d love a cold drink of water right now but besides the healing potion, you’re not sure you’d feel safe drinking anything he might offer you.

The wizard shrugs. “As I promised, you’re alive and unharmed. Mostly unharmed, at least. My healing potion will take care of that. I’m sure you can feel it working already. When you’ve recovered, you can leave.” He turns and walks off into the darkened hallways.

Strength returns to your body and your poor, abused hole even starts to close up. When you feel confident that you can stand without falling over, you dress yourself and follow the chittering familiar out through the wizard’s dungeons. You head out through the tower’s front doors and into the night. Outside, the breeze smells sweeter than the finest perfume. You stagger home and collapse into your bed, sleeping soundly until well into the afternoon.

***

You never go near the tower again. The village boy shows up at your house the next day and asks what happened. You’re tempted to punch him, but you don’t have the strength. Instead, you tell him to fuck off as viciously as you can manage. He doesn’t bother you again.

But it doesn’t quite end there. You try to avoid the wizard’s stall on market days but somehow he’s always right in your path, and he always greets you with a wide smile and a cheerful “Well, if it isn’t my favorite customer!” Sometimes, he tries to offer you a very familiar red potion. Your heart stops when you see it, but then he gives you a wink and slips the bottle back into some hidden pocket.

Lately he’s been selling “dragon’s egg” potions and carved amulets. Whenever you see them set out and glinting in the sunlight, you ache somewhere deep inside. You’re sure those eggs didn’t come out of any dragon, but you can never work up the nerve to ask.

You develop a profound sense of appreciation for chickens and egg-laying creatures of all kinds. You can never look at an omelette the same way again.

And it turns out that the potion never truly wore off. Once every few months, you’re awakened in the middle of the night by a sharp pain in your abdomen. The wizard’s familiar swoops in as you push a giant egg out of yourself, cackling to itself as it watches you strain. Laying the egg is always worse than you remember; every push feels useless, like the egg’s trying to cling to your insides out of sheer spite. Eventually it crowns and then slides out, leaving a void where your insides were stretched around it.

Every time, you wonder if this egg will really be the last one. Every time, you ask the familiar to tell the wizard you’re sorry, you never meant any harm, and can he fix what the potion did to you?

The familiar just grins at you and flies off into the night, holding your newborn egg in its arms.

(Hi! I’m deepoceanblue and when I sat down at my computer, this happened. Thanks for reading <3)

anonymous asked:

I've been in love with your art for a long time on YouTube and now on tumblr I am in love with all of your minecraft story mode drawings and doodles and I would love to see the old order in your style. You don't have to answer this if you've drifted away from the fandom or something but I would be absolutely thrilled if you could draw them<3

aihbfahd i’m really sorry anon i swear i was gonna draw soren and ivor too but i started coloring them and i tried drawing soren and it was weird i’m sor ry